Author's Notes: Holy crap, I cannot believe I wrote this back in '04. Time goes way too fast. Happy reading and thanks for all the wonderful reviews!
Ceremony by Leila Winters
He was waiting. The crowd was growing nervous. There was a low murmur that traveled through the stained benches that made the guests restless.
His best man leaned in close, yellow eyes surveying the confusion.
"Where is your bride?"
"…"
He watched as a jittery bridesmaid flitted along the outskirts of the guests and came to whisper in his ear before the assembly.
"You better come see her."
At once, he marched down the aisle, the little bridesmaid trailing after him fretfully. From a distance, he could hear shouting. Frantic voices behind closed doors.
"Let us help you!"
"Stay away from me! WHERE'S MY HUSBAND? SOMEONE GET MY HUSBAND!"
"He won't BE your husband if you don't get out there!"
"NOT UNTIL I SEE HIM FIRST!"
He opened the door to see his bride in tears and her bridesmaids fussing.
"What is the meaning of this?" he asked.
His bride, frazzled ball of fluff that she was, stamped her dainty foot with fearsome force.
"I have to pee!"
He was sure to keep a straight face. "Uh…huh…"
She was on the verge again, voice quivering. "I have to pee and there isn't enough time to get me out of this dress and back in again. My skirt is going to get wet if I try to hike it up!"
One of the women interjected, "She won't let us help her to the bathroom. She demanded to see you right away."
He recalled a show that specialized in moments like these. Bridosaurus-Rex? Bride Kong? Grizzly Bride? Bridarilla? It would come to him in a moment.
"Can't you hold it?"
That stopped her. "Hold it? Are you mad? This is my wedding we're talking about! I am not going to do the pee dance at the altar! GO TO HELL!"
Another woman flitted in, "We said we'd hold her skirts for her, but she wouldn't let us."
He grasped his bride-to-be by the forearm and led her to the adjoining bathroom.
"Come, honey. We can't have you spoiling your makeup."
She stifled a sob and followed his lead.
Gathering her skirts was quite the chore, but when he had convinced her that he had a firm enough hold on her precious dress folds, she commenced usage of the commode with no further argument. He thought she would protest her groom seeing her in white before the wedding, or at the least, protest seeing her in such an undignified manner over the toilet.
On the contrary, she requested it.
"Only my husband will suffer me in this state since we're liable to see each other much worse than this after we're married."
When she was finished, he helped her arrange her skirts while she washed her hands. He stepped back to admire his handy work and instead found his bride's reflection in the mirror utterly irresistible. He was sure he'd never seen a woman so beautiful in his life.
He stepped behind her, pressing against the floof of skirt at her hip, hands going to her waist.
She stilled and turned at his insistent caress. He used a hand to shut the water off.
They kissed.
And their arms flew about one another in mad abandon.
They tried knocking, but when that failed a response, they opened the door to hurry them along.
And found the bride crowded against the sink with her skirts bunched up about her waist, arms around her groom, whose lips were locked passionately to hers.
They set themselves apart, feeling a bit chagrined. He wiped his lips and patted her bottom as they left the restroom.
"Don't think you and your dress are safe from me yet."
His bride merely smiled wickedly, content once more.
Immediately following the ceremony, congratulations were offered and some mingling among guests took place. Drinks and appetizers were served. Light music gently filled the rear soundscape. The sound of laughter and conversation and children mixed harmoniously together. The bride and groom were noticeably absent for a time.
But…not sorely missed.
End Notes: yeaahh…written spur-of-the-moment. But a bridal bathroom fiasco WAS planned in my original notes for this nontraditional fic. Haha. There is at least one more chapter I MUST write before putting this baby to rest. (unless I think of other wacky things to involve these folks in).
Believe it or not, I think I'll throw wonderful tantrums on my nuptials. I don't think it has anything to do with being a feminist or not, being subservient or not, reinforcing gender codes or not. It is the third most important day of your life – the ordering going accordingly (to me): birth, children, wedding, death. (If you're lucky, your fourth is attaining your lifelong goal-parenthetical-s) Yes, yes, not everyone has children, but if you were, you had best count that as one of the most important days of your life. (And in importance, precede that of your joining with your significant other) And of course not everyone gets married but again, should it happen, it should probably be counted as an important marker of your life. (And if things don't go right on that day...I think you've a right to play spoiled brat at least a little.)
(commence ending of preachage!)
(2-08-06)