A Mother's Tale Chapter 1: No Secrets From Mother, a ranma fanfic

A Mother's Tale

by Alex Tomas

This is my first work of fan fiction. Reviews welcome.

Disclaimer:

I do not own the Ranma characters.

Conventions:

" " - Japanese

{ } - foreign language (Chinese, English)

[ ] - sound effects

- thoughts

# # - signs

Summary:

This happens during season 7 episode 143, Ranma Meets Mother Boy Meets Mom, Part I in the television series or volume 22 chapter 2 of the manga. It takes elements from both the anime and the manga.

Ranma's mother, Nodoka Saotome, on her way for the first time to the Tendo Dojo sees male-type Ranma fall into the storm drain and transform into girl-type Ranma. Ranma stutters some excuse but Nodoka waves it off as she is in a hurry and proceeds to the the Tendo Dojo without giving out each other's names.

I am assuming that Nodoka does not know the Tendos and has no knowledge of the honor contract Genma and Soun entered into to unite their two familes. My reason is that if Genma informed her then she would know the Tendos and vice-versa.

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Chapter 1: No Secrets From Mother.

Nodoka Saotome was walking alongside a storm drain on her way to the Tendo Dojo when she suddenly stops as she sees a young man of about sixteen walking gracefully along the top of the chain-link fence. The boy did it in an absent-minded way as if the fence was a meter-wide instead of just barely 5 centimeters. She noted he had black hair tied in a pig-tail that gently swayed in the wind. She could sense the air of confidence he exuded and saw he had a physique girls would drool over.

Oh, my. What an impressive young man. He must be a martial arts master to be able to do that. I'm sure my Ranma is just like him!

Her eyes widen in alarm as she sees the sign indicating the section of the fence the young man was about to step on as being unstable. She was about to shout a warning when the young man casually flips to another section. She was so impressed by the feat that she didn't notice another sign saying the fence section the young man landed on was also unstable. Nodoka watched in horrified fascination as the young man frantically wind-milled his arms as he struggled mightily in a vain attempt to maintain his balance. She was already running as she heard the splash signifying that the young man lost the battle against gravity. A loud gasp escaped her lips as she looked down into the drain where the teen-aged boy fell.

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Ranma was walking along the top of the fence lining the storm drain doing something he is not particularly fond of nor known for, deep thinking. The visit that morning to the grave of the Tendo girls' mother made him wonder about his own mother.

So deep in thought he was he almost fell into the drain when he stepped on a broken section of the fence. With an quick flip he landed on another section of the fence.

Whew, that was a close one.

And promptly falls into the storm drain as the fence he is standing on also gives way.

[SPLASH!]

Our favorite redhead surfaces with her usual calm demeanor. "Of all the #!@*&%*!" She would have continued venting her frustration if not for the loud gasp she heard from above. She slowly looks up to see a beautiful lady in a kimono holding a bundle with a startled look on her face.

Oh, shit! She saw me turn into a girl.

"Um, believe it or not I can explain, lady..." Ranma-chan begins. Her voice seems to snap the lady out of her shock.

"Weren't you a young man just now, young lady?" Her voice was calm and dignified.

"Um, yeah, that's what I can explain, you see..."

"Oh, where are my manners. Here..." The lady extends the bundle towards Ranma. "hold onto this and I'll help you up."

Ranma looks back and forth from the the lady and the bundle. She shrugs and grabs the bundle starts to climb out of the storm drain. The lady begins to pull up but underestimates Ranma's weight and falls into the drain with Ranma.

Ranma panics, wind milling her arms wildly and stammers out apologies to the lady. The lady stands up alongside her in the drain in knee-deep water and gently smiles at Ranma. She places a hand on Ranma's head which promptly calms the younger girl. Ranma gazes up in wonder at the older woman.

"My, what a tomboy you are. A girl should act more like a...." The lady catches herself "Oh my, I almost forgot you were a boy a few moments ago. You are a boy, aren't you?"

"Um, yes, I'm really a boy. That's what I can explain lady..." Ranma tries again.

"I'm sure you have an interesting story to tell, young lady, but I need to go somewhere. Maybe the next chance we meet you can tell me all about it. Good day and take care of yourself." With that the lady turns away from Ranma, leaving our hero to wonder in amazement.

"What a nice lady..." Ranma whispers.

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"I'm home!" girl-type Ranma calls out as she enters the Tendo home to the sight and sound of her father's panicked packing. Genma trips and falls down the stairs landing in a heap at the bottom. Adrenaline allows Genma to quickly pick himself up and grab Ranma as he runs out of the house.

"Ranma! We're going on a training trip right now!"

"Wha? what this all about, pop?!" Ranma protests and tries to free herself but she couldn't get a foothold for leverage and Genma had her in a death-grip. Genma would have been able to run out if not for Soun's tripping Genma in time.

"Now, now, Genma old pal, what's this all about? Leaving without telling us? Come on we're almost family here."

As Genma falls flat on his face a postcard flies out of his gi and lands in front of Ranma.

A few minutes later finds the Tendos and Saotomes in the living room with Genma bound to prevent escape. The Tendo sisters are looking at the postcard Genma dropped.

"Mr. Saotome panicked as soon as he saw this postcard." Akane noted.

"Please, Mr. Saotome, tell us what the problem is." Kasumi politely asks Genma.

"For the love of god, Soun, please let me go! It's a matter of life and death!"

"Calm down, Genma. Tell us why you have to leave."

"There's no time, Soun! She'll be here any minute! Please!" Genma whimpered. He was bowing and scraping.

"'Nodoka', that's a woman's name."

"Who is this person, Mr. Saotome?"

"I can't tell you even if my life depended on it!"

Ranma, who had changed into his male form, came over and gave his father a kick. He grabbed the front of his father's gi.

"So what is it this time, old man? Did you steal, trick or didn't pay? Or all of the above?"

"What do you take me for, Ranma?"

"Exactly what I'm saying."

"To think my own son would think so lowly of me!"

"I know! It must be some old lady coming to collect an old debt!" Nabiki suggests.

"Erk!"

"Or a grandmother in a house Mr. Saotome burglarized before!" Kasumi chimes in.

"Erk!"

"Or an old woman who owns a restaurant where Mr. Saotome didn't pay his bill in." Akane put in her two cents.

"Erk!"

"No! No! No! She's not any of those!" Genma shouts and breaks his ropes in indignation. He brings out a microphone from nowhere and starts to yell "She's actually Ranma's... oops!" but catches himself before he could incriminate himself more.

Five pair of eyes go to slits.

"Well? What? She's my what?" Ranma was deceptively calm. Genma was sweating like a pig.

The doorbell rang and a new female voice asks "Hello? Is there anyone home?"

Genma goes into panic, flings himself to the floor and tries to hide under a pillow while shrieking "Please forgive me, darling! Spare my life! I didn't mean it! My love, have pity on me!"

"What did you say, pop?"

"Urk!"

"He called her 'darling' and 'my love'." Nabiki noted.

"Saotome, is she who I think she is?"

"Nerima All-Night Sushi Delivery Service. I'm here for the dishes." The new female voice belongs to a homely middle-aged woman.

"Welcome! Welcome! So you're Saotome's wife, huh? No wonder we always order from you!"

"No! She's not my wife, Tendo!"

"Pop." The voice was deadly calm.

"Urk!" This voice was not.

"So the person who sent this postcard..."

"is Ranma's mother!" Kasumi continued.

"And she's coming here!" Nabiki excitedly ends.

"Sigh."

And so a calm before the storm settles on the Tendo household as they wait for the arrival of Ranma's mother. In the excitement they forget to ask Genma the reason he was so afraid to see his own wife. He sits sullenly at the table.

Patience, Genma. Wait for the right moment to act.

Ranma tries to sort out his emotions as he sits at the porch.

"You must be very happy, Ranma." Akane says as she sits besides Ranma.

[Sigh.]

"What's wrong?"

"I don't know what to think, Akane. This is all very sudden." He is interrupted as the doorbell rings and a new feminine voice calls out.

"Hello? Is anyone home?"

The Tendos excitedly runs to the door leaving the two Saotomes alone. Genma smiles.

"Oh, this is so exciting!" Kasumi squeals.

"I wonder what kind of person she is?" Nabiki seconds.

"Ranma..." Genma puts his arm around his son's shoulders.

"Yeah, pop?"

"Forgive me for what I must do." Genma quickly throws himself and Ranma into the pond. "But you cannot meet your mother as you are now!"

"What?!"

[Splash!]

"What d'ya do that for, you stupid panda?!"

[Bap!]

#Believe me, you'll thank me later!#

Ranma was about to show his utmost gratitude but decides to follow the Tendos. He can *thank* the panda later.

He saw the Tendos welcoming the nice lady he met earlier.

"Good morning, I am Nodoka Saotome."

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Nodoka sat at the living room table having tea with the Tendos while Ranma and his father hid in the hallway.

"I am sorry to bother you but I am looking for my husband and son. Recently I heard a rumor that Genma and Ranma Saotome were staying here. Is there any truth to the rumor?" Nodoka directed her question to the patriarch.

"Yes, the rumors are true. They are staying here."

Happiness washed over Nodoka's face making Soun cringe inside for what he was being asked to do by Genma.

"Really? May I see them?"

"Um, well..." Soun hesitated, torned inside. He sighed deeply as he remembered his friend's request. Genma, you better have a good explanation for this.

"You see, Genma and Ranma just left yesterday on a training trip."

Nodoka face fell as the happiness was washed away by sadness and weary. The Tendos hated themselves for lying to the woman, having visited the resting place of their wife and mother.

"I... I see. Can... can you tell me when they'll be back?"

Outside behind the Dojo, female Ranma is confronting his panda father.

"Okay, pop, spill it! Why are ya so scared of that nice lady? Who is she anyway?"

#I told you, she's your mother!#

[Bap!]

"Yeah, right, try another one. Ain't no way that nice, beautiful and well-mannered lady would marry a brute like you!"

#Eh? And why not?! And who you calling a brute?!#

Ranma blinked. "You're serious?! You mean she's really my mother?!"

The panda nods and pulls out an old photograph showing a younger Genma with hair with Nodoka holding a five year old Ranma. Ranma takes the picture and silently looks at it. A determined look comes over her face.

Ranma turns and pours hot water on herself.

"If she's really my mother then there's nothing I have to hide from her!" He turns to enter the house. Genma-panda panics and quickly runs after his son carrying a pail of water. He catches up to Ranma near the living room opening to the koi pond.

"Let go of me you big jerk!" Ranma shouts loud enough to be heard by the people in the living room.

[Bonk! Splash!]

Nodoka pauses in her recounting of the day Ranma and his father left on the training trip as she hears the shout. Her head jerks in the direction of the sound.

That's a young man's voice! Hope rises in her breast as she hurries to the place where the sound came from.

"Perhaps Ranma came back..." She turns at the door and sees the red-headed girl she met that morning lying unconscious on the porch with a giant panda over her holding a sign. Panda with a sign? She shook her head to clear it of the image.

"Oh! It's the boy that turns into a girl I met earlier..." Nodoka pauses as something clicks in her head. Boy, martial-artist, pig-tail, right age. Oh, God, no.

Genma-panda stops dead in his tracks, turned to slowly cracking stone with eyes bulging. His unfinished panda sign saying

#Hello, strange...#

Nodoka's eyes widen and she loses all color from her face.

"Nodoka-san are you alright?" Kasumi asks in a worried voice.

Nodoka turns terror filled eyes to the Tendos. Only her iron will kept her going.

"Is this girl actually a boy?"

"You know, Nodoka-san?" Akane asks with a little worry in her voice.

"Is this girl actually a boy?" Nodoka repeated more firmly.

Genma was still in too much shock to intervene and the Tendos nod in unison.

"Is he Ranma?"

Another simultaneous nod.

"How? Why?"

"Nodoka-san, you see, it's a curse they got from Jusenkyo. Cold water turns him into a girl while hot water turns him back."

"Please show me." She barely heard the words she said as her world was slowly crumbling.

Kasumi hesitated until she saw her father nod. She got the kettle of hot water and waited until she saw her father nod again before pouring the hot water on the unconscious Ranma.

As she saw the young girl turn into a young boy, Nodoka's will power finally gave out and she fainted.

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Nodoka slowly returned to the world of the living. The first sensation was that she was lying down. Then she heard some whimpering to the side.

"Don'twannadieDon'twannadieDon'twannadieDon'twannadie..."

The voice sounded vaguely familiar.

"Ranma, do something! Your pop's driving me crazy with that whimpering of his! And why is he going to die anyway?!" It was the Nabiki girl.

Oh.

"Pop, shuddup!"

[Bonk!]

"Don'twannadieDon'twannadieDon'twannadieDon'twannadie..."

Nodoka's mind began to sort out the sounds she was hearing.

Ranma = her son so Ranma's pop = her husband = Genma.

Ranma turns into a girl...

She suddenly bolted upright as she remebered what caused her to faint in the first place startling the people in the room. Her eyes flashed as she looked for the source of the annoying sound. They settled on a shape lying in a corner of the room she was in that vaguely resembled an overweight person bound from head to foot with inch thick nylon rope. Her eyes locked with the eyes of the person thing and recognition clicked in her mind as she saw the other's eyes widen in absolute terror. A snarl escaped her lips that caused the blood of the people within earshot to turn to ice.

"GENMA SAOTOME!!! JUST WHAT THE HELL HAVE YOU DONE TO MY SON???!!!"

The person thing tried desperately to roll as far away as possible from the raging woman. Nodoka lunged a little too late as the person thing smashed a hole in the wall of house and perimeter wall and continued rolling until it was lost in the distance.

"OH, NO YOU DON'T, YOU RAT BASTARD! YOU'RE NOT GOING TO WEASEL YOUR WAY OUT OF THIS ONE! COME BACK HERE, YOU COWARD!!!"

Nodoka looked around feverishly and grabbed her bundle she spotted lying beside the futon she once occupied. She furiously removed the covering revealing a finely crafted katana. In one smooth motion she unsheathed the sword with a metallic sing-song sound, held it dramatically over her head and in a bellow that would have demons running in fear declared.

"GENMA SAOTOME, I SWEAR WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON YOU, I"M GOING TO SKIN YOU ALIVE RIGHT BEFORE I GUT AND LOP YOUR FUCKING HEAD OFF!!!"

She then ran off after her wayward husband.

The Tendos and Ranma were left gaping and wondering what the heck just happened.

"Um, I guess mom isn't too thrilled about the curse."

The Tendos nodded dumbly. They each said a silent prayer for Genma Saotome and went to sit as they waited for the happily married couple to return.

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"GENMA SAOTOME, I SWEAR WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON YOU, I"M GOING TO SKIN YOU ALIVE RIGHT BEFORE I GUT AND LOP YOUR FUCKING HEAD OFF!!!"

In an okonomiyaki restaurant a few blocks away Ukyo Kounji's head snapped up from the magazine she was reading as she heard the cry.

"Now _that_ is music to my ears. I wonder who the jackass pissed off this time?" A smile came to her lips. "I just got to meet whoever this person is. It sounded like it came from the Tendo Dojo."

She quickly put on her bandoleer of throwing spatulas and slung her giant battle spatula over her shoulder. She put up the 'closed' sign on her door and turned just in time from locking the door to see a rolling shape fast bearing down on her. In a reflex movement honed by years of training she had swatted away the threatening object with her battle spatula in a swing that would have impressed professional golfers or baseball players before recognition dawned on her.

Wait a minute that was...

She looked in the direction she had swatted the thing to. She shrugged nonchalantly, her brief flash of guilt quickly forgotten.

Oh, well, it was an accident and its not as if the jerk didn't deserve it.

She shouldered her battle spatula and turned to find herself face to face with a beautiful woman in her thirties wearing an elegant kimono.

She went "Eep!" and jumped back in surprise. It was then she noticed the unsheathed katana in the right hand of the woman. It glinted evilly under the morning sun. She put two and two together.

"Um, you wouldn't be the person who's going to skin Genma Saotome alive before gutting and lopping his head off would you? hehe." Ukyo nervously looked at the katana and at the woman and noticed for the first time the veins popping on her forehead, both eyebrows twitching, blood red eyes with narrowed pupils, nostrils flaring, body shaking and left hand clenching and unclenching. Man, she's really pissed off.

"Oh, my, was I that loud, young lady?" Ukyo nodded dumbly, the woman looked genuinely embarrassed.

"I'm truly sorry if I disturbed you."

"Ah, um, it's okay. No harm done."

"Have you seen him? I thought I saw him go this way."

"Ah, well, you see. He kinda surprised me and before I knew it I swatted him that way." Ukyo pointed in the general direction she last saw Genma Saotome flying off to. "Sorry if I interrupted something." The woman sagged noticeably as her quarry got away. She turned to the direction Ukyo pointed and shook her fist in the air.

"GENMA SAOTOME, I SWEAR ON ALL MY ANCESTORS' MEMORIES I WILL MAKE YOU PAY!!!"

After a minute Ukyo saw the woman visibly calm herself. The forehead veins disappeared, the eyebrows stopped twitching, her eyes whitened and the pupils dilated, her nostrils returned to their normal shape, her body stopped shaking and her left hand stopped in the unclenched position.

"Oh, dear I must have made quite a spectacle of myself."

"It's quite alright, ma'am. This is Nerima. People are used to seeing this sort of thing."

"Oh? I guess it's alright then."

"Um, if you don't mind me asking but why are you after Genma? I've never seen anyone as angry as you are at him."

"Ah, forgive me, but it's a family matter. I'd rather not discuss it."

"Oh, it's okay, but do you mind not hurting him too much? I mean, it's not like I like the jerk. In fact he still owes me for what he did to me but he's still the father of my fiancee so..." Ukyo stopped as she noted the sudden intense gaze the woman was looking at her. She waved her hands in a placating manner. "Uh, I mean if it means to you that much to hurt him, uh, well, be my guess. He he." Ukyo sweat dropped as the gaze never wavered. "Uh, what, is something on my face?"

"Who exactly is your fiance?" Nodoka didn't discount the fact that Genma might have fooled around behind her back.

"Uh, Ranma Saotome. Why? Does Genma have another son?" Ukyo was puzzled as the woman suddenly started jumping around with a smile on her face. Puzzlement turned to alarm as the woman swept her up in a bear hug while still jumping around. She felt her teeth rattle around in her mouth and had her air crushed out of her lungs.

"AAAAAAHHHHHH!!!"

"Oh, joy! Oh, joy! My son has a fiancee! And such a beautiful one at that!"

Ukyo's head jerked around at the last statement. She tried to get a word out and almost bit her tongue off as her jaw snapped up and down in cadence with the woman's jumps. She held on for dear life and waited until the woman tired. The woman finally stopped when she noticed the girl turning a little blue-green. Ukyo wobbled around as she struggled to regain her equilibrium and keep her breakfast in her stomach while taking great heaving breaths. She failed in both as she fell painfully on her butt and leaned over the gutter where she deposited the okonomiyaki she had for breakfast.

"Uuurrrggghhh!!!"

Hmmm. Thought Nodoka. Girl. Fiance. Morning. Vomiting. A brilliant smile lit Nodoka's face. My son is so manly!

"Oh my! Are you pregnant, dear?"

Ukyo's eyes widened and she choked in mid-barf as she heard the question. How one chokes in the middle of throwing up is anyone's guess. Ukyo only knew she didn't want to experience it again.

Ukyo shook her head violently from side to side giving Nodoka a case of whiplash.

"You're not pregnant?" Nodoka asked with some disappointment. Oh, well. Maybe soon. "Ah. I don't think you should be shaking your head that much. It's not natural."

Ukyo couldn't agree more as the shaking only worsened her vertigo. She barfed again.

"Blearghhhhh!!!"

"Oh, my. Are you alright, dear?"

Ukyo raised a hand to signal she would be fine.

"I'm so sorry, I don't know what came over me. Here let me help you."

Ukyo accepted the hand offered and stood up after she stopped throwing up.

"Sorry about this. I guess I ate too much for breakfast." Ukyo smiled sheepishly. "Uh, Did I hear you right? Your son is my fiancee, Ranma Saotome? You're Ranma's mother?"

"Why, yes, dear, I'm Ranma's mother, Nodoka Saotome." The woman smiled warmly and bowed slightly.

"Oh, I'm pleased to meet you, Mrs. Saotome, I'm Ukyo Kounji." Ukyo bowed low to the older woman which Nodoka returned. Ukyo looked around. "Uh, where is Ranchan?"

"Ranchan? My, what a cute nickname you have for my son. And please, call me Auntie Nodoka. Ranma is back at the Tendo Dojo. I left him there when I had to run after my husband."

Ukyo smiled sympathetically. "Believe me, I know what it feels like to run after them, Mrs... I mean Auntie. And please call me Ucchan, that's what Ranchan calls me."

Nodoka looked at her watch. "Oh, my. I should be getting back to the Dojo. Won't you accompany me, Ucchan? I would love to know more about my future daughter-in-law." Ukyo beamed.

"I'd be honored to, Auntie. Just give me a few minutes to freshen up in my shop." Ukyo gestured to the store behind her and invited the older woman in.

Nodoka raised her eyebrows as she followed Ukyo in. "My, I am impressed but aren't you a bit young to have her own restaurant? What about school?"

"Oh, I only open after school and weekends." Ukyo replied as went into the bathroom to freshen up.

"But doesn't that leave you with little time for anything else? And where are your parents?"

Silence.

"Ukyo? Are you alright?" Nodoka inquired with a little worry.

Ukyo came out of the bathroom with a sad expression. She tried to smile.

"I'm... I'm okay, Auntie. I... I have to work. You see... I... don't have parents anymore. I'm all alone."

"Oh, my! You poor dear! I'm so sorry! What happened?" Nodoka quickly went to Ukyo and gave her a hug when it seemed the girl would cry.

"My mother died giving birth to me and my father died when I was just six because of heartbreak." Tears began to fall.

"You poor, poor dear! It must have been terrible for you!" Nodoka hugged her tighter. Sobs began. "I'm sorry if my questions were painful for you."

"It's okay, Auntie." Ukyo gently removed the arms around her and wiped her tears. "I'll be alright. Shall we go?" A small smile.

My, what a brave young woman. Ranma's very lucky to have her. "Yes. Let's go."

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Several blocks away a familiar purple haired girl was riding her bicycle along the top of a fence. Shampoo was on her way back to the Nekohanten after her latest delivery when her danger sense went off. She immediately stopped.

[SPLAT!]

"Eeeeeewwwwww!" went the battle-hardened Amazon warrior champion as she recognized the thing splattered in front of her as a human being bound from head to foot with nylon rope. She was about to go around when she recognized the white bandana and spectacles on what she guessed to be the head of the person thing. The face, however, was barely recognizable being the part that saved the rest of the body from impacting full force on the concrete.

Oh, it Airen's stupid panda father. Wonder what happen?

Shampoo kicked the thing several times while she contemplated on what to do. She brightened as a thought struck her.

Aiyah! Airen be happy if Shampoo return stupid panda father! Maybe take Shampoo out on date!

With that happy thought Shampoo effortlessly tied the unconscious form of Genma Saotome to the back of her bicycle for the drag back to the Tendo Dojo and the fate of being skinned alive before being gutted and having his head lopped off by an enraged wife. Shampoo hummed the whole trip back unmindful of the way the Genma bundle bounced around behind her.

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Ukyo and Nodoka were still a couple of blocks away from the Tendo Dojo when Ukyo heard the familiar kring-kring of a bicycle from behind. She said a silent plea to the heavens that it not be who she thought it would be. She turned around and winced when she saw her prayer unanswered.

Drat! Just what I need! And things were just going great with Auntie!

Nodoka noticed the sudden distress in the girl beside her and turned to look at what was causing it. Her eyes widened as she saw another beautiful girl riding a bicycle at breakneck speed along the top of the railing beside them. The girl seemed to recognize Ukyo as she suddenly launched herself and the bicycle from the railing to a perfect landing in front of them. Her eyebrows began to twitch as she recognized the bundle being dragged behind the back of the girl's bicycle.

"Nihao! What Spatula girl doing here?"

"The name's Ukyo, Shampoo! And what I'm doing here is none of your business!" Nodoka's ears perked up at the hostility in Ukyo's voice she would have pursued it further were it not for the matter of dealing with her husband.

"Excuse me, young lady, but you seem to have something that belongs to me." She indicated the person thing.

"Who you? This" Shampoo kicked the thing "Airen's stupid panda father. Shampoo return to Airen so Airen be happy and take Shapoo out to date. No belong to you."

"Oh, forgive me. I haven't introduced myself. I am Nodoka Saotome and the thing you called 'Airen's stupid panda father' is my husband." Nodoka bowed slightly.

Shampoo looked back and forth between the thing on her bicycle and the beautiful woman in front of her. Something made an audible click in her head and her eyes widened in realization.

"Aiyah, if you is stupid panda father's wife then you is Airen's mother!" Before Nodoka could blink she was captured in an infamous Amazon glomp. "Urk!"

"Shampoo so happy meet Airen's mother. Big, big honor!"

Nodoka suffered the glomp in quiet dignity. Quiet because she couldn't scream because she couldn't breath and in dignity because it was the only thing she could do. Lucky for her Ukyo noticed the bluish tinge that was creeping onto her face

"Uh, Shampoo, Ranchan won't be happy if you killed his mother by suffocation. You might want to ease up a little."

Shampoo blinked then noticed the blue lips and slightly glazed look in the older woman's eyes. She "Eep!" and sheepishly released her grip. She began to stutter apologies.

"Oh! Shampoo so, so sorry! Shampoo no mean harm!" She frantically dusted Nodoka's kimono.

Thank God for Ukyo. Bless her heart.

Nodoka breathed deeply and composed herself. "Quite alright, young lady. No permanent harm done. Now why don't you introduce yourself and explain why you keep calling my husband "Airen's stupid panda father"."

"Aiyah! Shampoo forget manners!" Shampoo bowed formally before Nodoka.

"I Shampoo of Nichieju, Chinese Amazon, great-granddaughter of Cologne, Amazon Matriarch. I call honored elder's husband "Airen's stupid panda father because he stupid, turn into panda because of Jusenkyo curse and is father of Shampoo Airen." She paused, then added quickly thinking the woman might not appreciate her calling her husband stupid. "Not really mean stupid."

Nodoka gave a short laugh "Do not worry yourself about calling my husband stupid. I understand completely. Forgive me but what does Airen mean?"

"Oh, Airen mean husband in Japanese. I Ranma wife!" Shampoo answered happily in her bubbly voice.

Nodoka blinked and it took several seconds before her mind went back into gear. She looked back and forth the two beautiful girls.

"You're my son's wife? But I thought Ucchan here was his fiancee?" Not that my son isn't capable of handling two women. Oh, how manly my son is!

Ukyo sighed.

"It's a long story, Auntie but would it make it easier for you to believe if we said it's your husband's fault?"

A light bulb flashed inside Nodoka's head.

"Oh. That makes sense. Now why don't we all go to the Dojo together and you two can tell me about yourselves along the way."

The two girls smiled brightly at the prospect of scoring points with the mother of the boy they were chasing and the three beautiful women resumed their journey to the Tendo Dojo. Genma Saotome remained oblivious to the world and the impending doom that was waiting for him.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

The trip that should have taken less than 10 minutes stretched to more than thirty as Nodoka avidly listened to the two girl's stories, asking questions now and then. Several times during the walk Genma began to stir and groan at which point Nodoka would ask either Shampoo or Ukyo to knock him out again. The two girls happily complied with the request using either a bonbori or a spatula.

As usual it was Kasumi who answered the door with a smile.

"Oh, Mrs. Saotome, you're finally back! We were starting to worry about you." Nodoka didn't miss the point that they didn't worry about Genma. Kasumi saw Shampoo and Ukyo behind Ranma's mother and the bundle behind Shampoo's bicycle. "And you brought Ranma's friends and Mr. Saotome back with you! How nice."

"Thank you, Kasumi. Where are the others? Where is my son?"

"Oh, my family is waiting in the living room while Ranma-kun went out a few minutes after you left to look for you. He should be back any time soon. We can wait for him there."

Oh! How manly my son is to look for his mother!

Kasumi led the entourage into the house.

Mr. Tendo was immediately on his feet when he saw Nodoka.

"Mrs. Saotome! Thank God you're alright!" He stopped suddenly as he saw the two girls behind Nodoka. He paled when he saw the bundle they were dragging between them.

"My God! What have the two of you done to Genma?!" He tried to go to the bundle that was his friend.

"Calm down Mr. Tendo. The girls didn't do anything to my husband that I didn't ask them to. Besides he's fine, just knocked unconscious." She turned to the girls. "Shampoo, Ukyo you may put my husband down in the corner while we wait for my son to return." The two girls nodded as they dragged and dropped Genma's carcass in the corner.

At the mention of the two names Akane immediately frowned where she sat in the living room.

What are they doing here?

"Mrs. Saotome, Shampoo, Ukyo won't you sit down and have some tea?" Kasumi, ever the perfect hostess, politely asked.

"Thank you dear. And please call me Auntie." Nodoka sat with Shampoo and Ukyo at her side.

Nabiki was about to ask how Nodoka met Shampoo and Ukyo when Ranma dropped into the backyard outside the living room.

"Hey, is my mom back yet? I couldn't find her... "

Ranma then noticed the additional people in the living room locking on one particular person. He ran to hug her.

"Mom! I'm so glad you're safe!"

"Now, now, son you didn't have to worry." It was a soothing voice. "I had these two nice ladies to protect me and help me bring your father back." She indicated to her sides where Ranma finally noticed Ukyo and Shampoo beaming smiles at him. He began to stutter, fear rising in his throat. Uh, oh. This is not good.

"Uh, I... I... see you've already met Ucchan and Shampoo." Ranma nervously looked around. He sweated bullets as he saw the look on Akane's face. He began to look for an exit, the Saotome male survival instinct kicking into overdrive.

"Oh, yes and we've had a nice long talk on the way back here." Nodoka smiled wolfishly. "I'm so proud of you son! Having such a pretty fiance and Amazon wife! You are so manly! I guess Genma did something right after all."

"Urk!" Ranma turned to stone as all hell broke loose all around him.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

It took almost thirty minutes to settle things down and another two hours to summarize the various stories so Nodoka could have a general idea of the situation. During the time Cologne had arrived and Genma had been revived. He was now cringing in terror away from his wife. Nodoka was rubbing her temples as she felt a headache coming.

"Husband" it came out as a low growl. "JUST WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING TURNING MY SON'S LIFE INTO A LIVING HELL?!" The venom in the words shocked the people listening except for the target of the outburst who was now trying to roll away again.

[TWANG!]

Genma suddenly stopped rolling, his eyes focusing on the tanto sticking up from the floor at an angle that was now slightly cutting into his neck just where his carotid artery was pulsing. He wet his pants. If he wasn't able to stop his roll...

[TWANG!]

A second tanto was now buried on the other side of his neck also at an angle such that the two tantos formed an inverted vee trapping his neck. Now he was really sweating.

Just when did Nodoka get so good? And where did she learn "Hidden Weapons Technique"?

"I HAVEN'T FINISHED! NOT ONLY DOES MY SON HAVE A CURSE THAT TURNS HIM INTO A GIRL YOU PUT HIM IN A SITUATION WHERE HE CAN'T KEEP HIS OR ANYONE ELSE'S HONOR INTACT!!! AND I'M WILLING TO BET THAT THAT IS JUST THE TIP OF THE ICEBERG!!!"

"No! Please! Have mercy! I beg of you!"

"SHUT UP! I WOULD HAVE THOUGHT THE SEPPUKU PLEDGE WOULD HAVE BEEN ENOUGH TO KEEP YOU IN LINE BUT NNNNNNNOOOOOOOOO.... YOU HAD TO PROVE ME WRONG!!!"

"Se... seppuku pledge, Mrs. Saotome?" Soun meekly asked the raging woman.

"Oh, didn't my dear husband tell you reason he didn't want to see me? Why he and Ranma didn't return home and instead stayed here?" Nodoka replied sarcastically. "I wouldn't let him take Ranma away from me for the training journey so in desperation he made a pledge to me that he and Ranma would commit seppuku if he failed to raise Ranma to be a man among men." Nodoka brought out the document bearing Genma's signature and Ranma's handprint and placed it on the table. "Well, seeing that his

carelessness gave Ranma a curse that turns him into a girl when splashed with cold water I would have demanded he carry out his pledge!"

Ranma was the most shocked by the revelation. He stared at the document.

"Mo-mom..."

"Don't worry, Ranma. I never intended for you to carry out the pledge. You were only five years old then and didn't understand what was going on. The pledge was to keep your father in line. It seems it wasn't enough of a threat."

There were sighs of relief around the table.

"Whew, for a moment there I thought Ranma/Ranchan/Airen had to kill himself with his stupid father." was the general comment around the table.

"Hey! What about me?!" Genma was indignant. All but two shrugged in reply. Soun was the most sympathetic as he needed Genma the most as a partner in shogi, drinking and plotting to get Ranma and Akane married. Kasumi, however, was just too nice to shrug.

As tempting as the thought of skinning and gutting before cutting her husband's fool head off as a release of the tension Nodoka was feeling she put that aside to deal with more 'pleasant' matters.

"Husband do not get any foolish ideas of running away. I will deal with you later." Cologne cackled. It was time someone put the fat fool in his place.

Nodoka closed her eyes and rubbed her temples.

"Now regarding my son's multiple commitments..."

"Ranma must marry Akane!" Soun immediately shouted. "Please? Pretty please?" He added meekly a moment later while batting his eyelashes as he melted under the gaze Nodoka directed at him. He oozed behind Kasumi for protection.

"Wow! She's good." Nabiki whispered to her sisters who nodded in agreement, awestruck.

"Now as I was saying before I was rudely interrupted, at the moment I do not see any way for my son to be able to satisfy all the commitments his foolish father imposed on him." A thought came to her head. "These three _are_ the only arrangements my stupid husband entered into, correct?" At the group's hesitation Nodoka planted her forehead in her right hand. "Please don't tell me there are more?" At the nod. "How many more?"

"Ah, mom, we don't know exactly. Pop wouldn't tell us but we do know of at least two more." Ranma explained Kaori Daikokuji.

Nodoka shot up and gave a glare that would have killed a blue whale.

"YOU SOLD MY SON FOR A BOWL OF RICE AND TWO STINKING FISHES???!!!"

"Plus pickles! Plus pickles!" Wrong answer. Absolutely, totally, no-mistake-about-it wrong answer.

"AAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!" It was a cry of utter frustration. In a movement too fast for anyone to see Nodoka grabbed Shampoo's bonboris from Shampoo's clothes and lunged at Genma. She then proceeded to pound the living daylights out of him. Genma just prayed the beating didn't cause him to cut his neck on the tantos.