Chapter 19: Breathe for Me...

'Takamura-senpai… Where have you be-', Akira started.

'Forgive me… I… I just…' Biting his lower lip, Suoh reluctantly faced the black haired boy. 'Akira, can you leave us alone? I … I need to say something privately to Nokoru…'

Akira blinked his eyes. It seemed very hard for him to digest the request and give an immediate answer. 'Of course, I-I just… I mean… I will…'

When Akira was about to leave his seat, Nokoru's firm voice stopped him.

'You don't have to leave, Akira.'

'But- It's okay, kaichou… I mean… I will wait for you outside.' Akira immediately replied.

Nokoru smiled at him and continued his words. 'Suoh… I hope you don't mind, but I would like to have Akira here with us. All this time, we never include him in our matter… Don't get me wrong, I just don't want anyone to feel forgotten anymore.'

Suoh closed his eyes. He knew that it would be a waste of time and energy to have an argument with Nokoru if the man had already been persistent with something. 'Fine. Akira, please stay with us.'

The golden-haired man smiled, satisfied with the decision Suoh made. 'Now then…. Anything important you want me to know?'

Silence crept among them. For once in his life, Suoh wanted to runaway and disappeared within the thin air. He spent his entire life being a samurai, being a man that never ran away and bravely faced the fact, but now… For the first time in his life, he wanted to surrender, to stop and to fall on his knees in despair. Then again, it was too late now! Too late to stop! He knew he had to go on. He had to tell Nokoru that… that… he was…

'Leaving….' One word fell out from his mouth. It was so soft, more like a whisper that could hardly be heard by else in the room.

'Takamura-senpai… I'm sorry, did you say something?' Being a professional thief, Akira could hear the slightest sound or voice in distance. However, he felt unsure of what he heard or more likely, he refused to hear what he heard. It was just not making any sense. Leaving? Who was leaving? Who would be left behind?

'May I know… why…' Nokoru's cold voice seemed to pierce the emptiness.

Akira gasped and looked instantly to the owner of the voice. Kaichou… 'I-I don't really quite understand… Takamura-senpai, I beg you par- …'

'It's okay, Akira, I could hear it well… He doesn't have to repeat the word… Suoh… Please, answer me…'

The tense in the room grew rapidly in a sudden.

'Kaichou, I think Takamura-senpai did not mean to-…'

'ANSWER ME, GODAMMIT!!'

Akira was shocked. He had never witnessed his Kaichou lose control and burst in anger like this before. He quickly got up from his seat and took a step beside the man who was on his bed to comfort him. 'Kaichou, please…'

'Suoh…' Nokoru ignored Akira's advice as if there was no one else in the room. His anger could not be redeemed by any soothing word at the moment. He was an Imonoyama after all and when an Imonoyama demanded for something, he had to get no matter what it cost. 'Answer me…' His voice grew louder. 'Why are YOU LEAVING??!!'

Suoh gasped for air. He felt so terribly hurt inside. Was it caused by his heart or by the scar he had suffered from Nagisa's stab? He did not know the difference anymore. He didn't need to know the difference. He only knew that he had to continue. But his mouth refused to speak any other word. His heart was aching the most, since he knew he was about to hurt the feeling of a person he loved the most in this world. And that very person was about to hate him for the rest of his life. But, he knew that he had to do it. There was no way turning back.

'You know why…' His voice was trembling. //Why is it so painful?// 'I have made my choice.'

'What choice? Takamura-senpai, please… I… We don't underst-'

'Nokoru… You've said it yourself. I have to keep my promise.' Suoh paused. Deep in his heart, he prayed nobody realized his true condition. He stood in such a way that the dripping of his blood could not be seen by others. It was so hurting that he himself did not know how much longer he could bear the pain, but he had to try to the end. If he had to die, he would not let Nokoru see his dying face. Never…

Suoh winced. It was so painful to move his body even for an inch. He leaned on the door as he needed to support his weak body that was about to fall. Neither Akira nor Nokoru could see his wound on his rib beneath his coat now. He was a ninja after all, and ninjas were excellent in concealing their wound.

He gasped for more air. His wound was so hurting that it was extremely painful for him to breathe. Now he wondered whether he would survive till the end of this conversation or die in the middle of it. But whatever it would take, he would never die in front of Nokoru, not in front of him. For he knew one thing for sure that Nokoru would hate himself, and he would never let it happen.

'I have to keep my promise…' He continued. 'My promise… to… her.'

'What promise?' Akira asked impatiently in his confusion.

The ninja diverted his eyes to meet Akira's black eyes. 'My promise… as she is my 'One'…'

Akira's eyes were widened. //What?! What is he talking about?! Is he out of his mind??// Akira was terribly worried of Nokoru's reaction when he heard his senpai's answer. Reluctantly, he gazed to the sick man that stayed on his bed now. He expected that the blonde would have the rage in his angelic face, on the contrary, he saw none. Nokoru was sitting straight on his bed without any expression on his face. Akira felt a great uncertainty now whether he had to be relieved or to be more alerted.

'Fine.' Finally a single word from the blonde broke the silence among them. 'I understand. Thank you for letting me know about it.'

Suoh did not dare to look into the blue eyes that intensely observed him, yet he could feel Nokoru's deep gaze at him. He remained silent and still.

Akira shook his head. It was obvious that he had a difficult time to understand what was happening. A moment ago, Takamura-senpai was still beside his Kaichou, taking care of him and hardly leaving his side. Now… Now everything was so different… What happened? Was this a joke? Now his senpai was saying goodbye to him… To Kaichou…. To the one that he believed he loved the most. But why?

Why?

Though he looked so tough in the surface, Suoh was almost burst in tears when he heard Nokoru's answer. He should know that his Nokoru would never be angry of his decision, now matter how much bitterness he would taste caused by his decision, Nokoru would accept it unquestionably. But he did not want this kind of respond. He was hoping that Nokoru would yell at him, scream, throw things at him and chase him away. In that way… in that way… perhaps, he would feel much better… Perhaps…

'Takamura-senpai… Are you out of your mind?' Akira took the courage to let out his thought. 'May be- May be you're just tired, that's why you say such a thing… You're not aware of what you're saying just now…'

Suoh gazed at him weakly and grinned. 'No. Ijyuin, I know what I'm saying.' Then he faced Nokoru to his blue eyes that had been looking at him since then. For a second, he remembered how much he loved those eyes and how much he would miss them. May be this would be his last moment to be able to see them… So he would bear the pain, the anger and the disappointment from them…. For the last time…

'You are right, Nokoru… We don't have a future…. My future is no longer with you… my 'future' is in her hands now… It took me a long time to realize what you're saying to me is true.'

Nokoru couldn't stop a single tear drop from his beautiful eye. His lips were mute, couldn't say anything to reply Suoh's words.

It was a breaking-heart moment for Suoh to see Nokoru breaking in tears, yet he continued. 'Nagisa-san wants to go away as far as possible. She doesn't want to stay in this miserable place anymore. She-… She asked me to come with her…'

'Takamura-senpai… You're joking, right? You aren't going anywhere… You stay here with us…. With Kaichou…. Beside him always, right?' Akira was clearly distressed.

Few moments passed, till eventually Suoh shook his head as a sign of disagreement. He gave a weak smile to his dear friend. 'No, Ijyuin. I'm serious and I'm not joking.' He looked at the younger man's eyes. 'Ijyuin, I don't expect you would understand my decision. And I believe nobody will…."

Akira gasped. What kind of nonsense had he been listening? Yes… This had to be a joke…. A terrible joke.

'I come here for the last time to bid you all a farewell…. I'll leave soon…' Suoh was struggling for another breath. 'I'm sorry…'

Again, another silence.

'I can't stop you, can I?' Nokoru whispered. His blue eyes were wet with tears, and his voice was trembling. 'Suoh…. Please, is there anything I can do to make you stay?'

Suoh closed his eyes and answered firmly, 'No.'

To Nokoru's ears, Suoh's voice was sharp as a knife that cut deeply into his weak heart and seemed to slash it into million pieces. How should he react now? Should he be angry? Mad? Desperate? One thing for certain, he wanted to scream, to get up from his bed, to pull Suoh's coat and threat him not to leave or else…

And…

That was exactly what he did. Without thinking any further, the blonde tried to move his weak body to get up from his bed. He wanted to reach Suoh's body, strangled him, and shook him as hard as he could to make him realize how bad he needed him to be by his side. Nokoru knew time was running out for him, and there was nothing more he could wish else than to have his loved ones by his side moment before he was freed from his suffering.

His hands reached out to grasp at Suoh, yet Akira was there and was surely quick enough to stop him moving any further. But his struggle did not end that easily, he kept on struggling to free himself from Akira's embrace. He pushed, hit and even screamed to free himself, but Akira did not loosen his grasp.

Akira could feel the pain all over his body having to hold his angry Kaichou, but he swore whatever happened, he would not let go. He was terrified to know what could be happening if he ever let go.

'LET ME GO, AKIRA!!! LET ME GOOO!!!' Nokoru's scream seemed to fill the whole hospital by now.

'Kaichou…. Please….' Akira whispered to his ears.

'Let me go…' Panting. 'Let… me… go…' Nokoru was panting. He knew nowadays it was very hard for him to breathe. Slowly, he gave up struggling. Either it was caused by his exhaustion, his difficulty in breathing or because he had realized that whatever he did wouldn't change Suoh's mind… Nobody knew that for sure and now the blonde started to sob.

Akira tightened his embrace. He wanted to share his Kaichou's sorrow, his pain and tears, but he couldn't, could he? The only thing he could do now was to hold him and never let go.

'Why?' In the middle of his cry, Nokoru questioned.

Suoh was paralyzed of the scene he had been witnessing since then. It was tearing him apart to see Nokoru burst out his anger. It was hurt to see that the very person who embraces his One was not him. All this time, he had never seen his beloved 'One' act in such a way. And he knew what or who exactly caused him to be like this. It was he himself… He himself who rip his One's happiness to the very last piece…

'Why… Suoh… why?' The blonde sobbed more. 'You know I need you…'

'I…' He had to say something, 'I can't… I can't stay…. I'm very sorry. This is for the sake of both of us.' His vision was starting to blur as tears were filling his golden eyes. 'Nokoru…. Don't you see I must keep my promise….' He tried his best to hold his tears. 'You made me promise that to Nagisa… Don't you remember?'

'Please, Takamura-senpai…. Please don't do this…' Akira pleaded. 'You can't leave Kaichou like this, at least… not now…'

'Ijyuin. I've told you that there's nothing can change my mind now. I must go NOW. And if you wonder why, it is Kaichou himself who told me to go away with my new 'One'…' Suoh knew how much he would hurt Nokoru's feeling by speaking these words. 'I am just obeying whatever he wants me to do… So please don't blame me.'

Suoh took another deep breath. His rib was getting hurt more and more. He knew that he had lost a lot of blood and that he had to go as soon as possible before his friends realized what happened to him.

A terrible silence conquered the place. No one was brave enough to fight the muteness. Till finally, Nokoru whispered the words that Suoh had wished that he never had to listen to them.

'If you really have to leave…' He gasped, 'Suoh… can I ask one last thing from you…' He paused and looked deeply into Suoh's golden eyes.

'What is it that you want from me, Nokoru?' asked Suoh in curiousity.

Slowly, he loosened himself from Akira's embrace and fixed his position on the bed. Without hesitation, he commanded Suoh, 'Kiss me.'

Suoh's eyes went wider. 'Wh-… What?' He was unsure of his hearing that he looked for the answer from the black-haired boy. He needed an assurance from his friend that he was not imagining things.

Nokoru sighed, and began to repeat himself. 'I said… Kiss me… For the last time…'

'No!' Suoh quickly responded. 'I-I I can't do that!'

'Why not?!' Nokoru's voice was louder.

'I… I just… I just can't…'

'You can't or you don't want to?!!' Nokoru paused for an answer that never came out from Suoh's lips. Then he continued, 'am I so disgusting that you refused to give me one last kiss?' Still no answer. 'Why…. Am I not good enough for you…'

'No…. you don't understand-'

'THEN WHYY???!!!' Nokoru was screaming. He couldn't hold his frustration anymore. 'Nothing I can understand???!!! You're right…. I CAN'T UNDERSTAND YOU!!!! I tried my best to make you happy, but you're never satisfied, I give everything-'

'I NEVER ASK FOR IT!!!!'

Nokoru was startled. He didn't expect Suoh would shout back at him.

Suoh was also shocked to know what he just said, but there was no way he could take it back, or could he? 'I can't kiss you, and I would never kiss you. The only person I kiss in this world is the one that I will spend my future with. And apparently, that one is not you, Nokoru.' Please, God… Give me strength a little bit more… it's almost over… 'I'm sorry…'

Nokoru was stunned. He was terribly shocked that he couldn't make movement even the slightest one.

Akira was stressful. He was… really mad now. He adored his Takamura-senpai very much since the very first time he met him, and no matter what he did, Akira always tried to believe that there was a very good reason behind it. But not this time… He was going too far, and Akira didn't mind having to do something too far as well. Rapidly, he approached Suoh, and before anybody could tell how or what happen, he slapped Suoh hardly right on his face.

He was about to do it for the second time when he heard Nokoru gasped and screamed, 'Akira!!! Stop it!!' Nokoru's harsh voice was like a spell on him that he instantly stopped his hands. But the words were not strong enough to stop the hatred fire bursting from his usual kind eyes.

'Why should I stop? Let me make him realize how stupid he is!!' Akira shouted back.

'AKIRA!!' Nokoru screamed, 'THAT'S ENOUGH!!!'

Akira bit his lip, tried to hold his anger. He looked at Suoh who was standing still in silence in front of him. 'I just don't get it, Takamura-senpai… After all Kaichou has done for you… I just don't understand you… I-I'm not even sure that I know you....'

Suoh remained silent. He knew whatever words could never explain what he was doing, the only thing matter now was to flee out of the scene and it had to be fast… before it was useless…

'Ijyuin… You may think I'm cruel, heartless, and whatever bad thing you can think of… But I can't tell lie anymore…. It's the truth, and you like it or not… I'm leaving… forever…'

Akira was angrier now. He was about to lift his hand to give another slap on Suoh's face when…

'Enough!!' Nokoru's sob was louder now. 'I heard enough… more than enough…'

'Kaichou…' Akira's heart was falling into pieces when he heard the cry. A cry of a desperate and hopeless lonely child. The cry of his best friend ever…

'Fine then…' Nokoru continued, 'if it is your choice to leave, no one can stop you, not even me. Just… just leave…. Thank you for telling me the truth. Thank you for…. Everything.'

When he finished, everyone was in silence once again. Akira desperately hoped in his heart that Suoh would cancel his mind, but somehow he knew it was impossible.

'Very well then…' Suoh replied finally, 'I guess my presence here is no longer necessary anyway… I shall leave you two…'

He turned around to open the door he had been leaning against when Nokoru's weak voice called him again.

'Suoh… aren't you going to say anything to me?'

Suoh paused. He didn't want to look back, 'what is it you want me to say?'

'Just bid me farewell..' answered Nokoru more like a whisper.

He took a deep breath till finally he said it, 'Goodbye, Nokoru….' Suoh quickly opened the door and within a second and disappeared behind the closed door, leaving the two men inside the room.

Akira dared not to speak of anything once Suoh left them. To tell the truth, he himself wished could follow Suoh and went straight to his home, hid under his blanket, and woke up to find all this things were merely just another nightmare, but he couldn't do that, could he? He couldn't leave Nokoru here alone… knowing how little time the man had.

'Akira…'

Akira was startled. Instantly he diverted his eyes to the man who addressed him. 'Kaichou?'

'It's all over, isn't it?' Nokoru smiled weakly.

'Kaichou…' Akira wished he knew what to say, encouraging words that at least could give a little hope for Nokoru and himself. He wished he could tell Nokoru that it was just fine and that Suoh would be back and apologized for all the things he had said and done. But if he told him that, was it only another lie?

But before Akira found his comforting words, something unexpected happened. Out of sudden, Nokoru was coughing terribly. So terrible that he could see that Nokoru could breathe at all. And to his greatest fear, the blonde started to vomit blood. Red as ever…

'KAICHOU!!!' Without wasting any second, Akira came closer and hold his body to comfort him, but it was useless… the coughing didn't stop… it even didn't go easier… that Akira started to be panic. And the worst happened… Nokoru was losing his consciousness…

'KAICHOUU!!!' Akira hurriedly pressed the nurse button to get help. 'NURSE!! COME QUICK!!'

***

Outside the room, Suoh was completely out of breath. All he could do now was staring at the door he once closed. Deep inside his heart he wished he never did that, since he knew very well, once the door was closed, he would not be able to see whoever behind the door, the ones that he loved forever, until the end of his time.

Slowly, he put himself down to the floor. His feet were no longer strong enough to support him.

This is it….

He was never afraid to die, but he was trembling now… He could not go back. He had sacrificed so much…. He had suffered so much, and he had made everyone around him feel the same pain…

'Is this what you want?' a firm voice startled him.

The owner was standing there since the beginning, yet could not do anything to help him ease the pain, since he himself felt the same. Idomu was stunned. He knew he hate the person before him, and long before he wished that this rival of his would just disappeared forever. But his hatred was transformed into a great sorrow, knowing he would never win against him… him… who willingly gave away his own life to make the one he loved survive another day…. He would never beat that.

Suoh did not answer him. He smirked as a reply to his question. Seconds later, he looked at him, and started to say, 'You know I have to do this….'

Idomu closed his eyes, 'No…. you never have to…. It's just your foolish choice….'

Suoh smiled, 'I don't care if I'm a fool, as long as I don't have to see him dying….' He gasped. 'Idomu-san, after I die, you know what to do…. Give my heart for him…. Do anything you can to save him…. I beg you…. Promise me…'

Idomu could see the blood starting to make a pool around Suoh. He knew that this might be the end for Suoh, and it was not wise to make any argument further…. Finally, he cried out the word he might regret for the rest of his life later, 'I promise!'

Suoh smiled wider. His job was finished. He kept all his promise in his life, even though it was imperfect, but he tried. Nagisa had taken his life…. But he only gave his heart to Nokoru…. Funny wasn't it? He did not break any promise. But why he felt so brokenhearted?

His eyes were getting blurred. He wished the last vision he had before he died was Nokoru's smile, but he understood it was impossible. With his last strength, he reached for something behind his coat. He looked at Idomu, and signed to take it. 'Please, give it to him…'

Idomu was tearing apart as he took the letter.

'I wish I can tell him how much he means to me…. I'm sorry I can't make him happy…' He closed his eyes and dropped himself into an eternal silence.

Idomu couldn't hold back his tears anymore. He cried terribly in that horrible silence.

Suoh had gone away.

***

The blue eyes opened slowly. The bright sunshine that came through his window made it hard for him to get a clear sight. After a few seconds, he could see who was sitting beside him. Slowly, he addressed the man, 'Akira?'

Akira was startled. He had been sleeping beside his Kaichou since the implantation surgeon. He lost count how many nights he had passed without sleeping. 'Kaichou?' When he realized his Kaichou had woken up, he was delighted. 'Finally, you're back!'

Nokoru smiled weakly. Obviously, his body was still hurting. But he could feel something was different. 'Akira… What happened?'

Akira gasped. He quickly responded, 'We… we managed to find you a donor in time, and doctors have operated a transplant surgeon to save your life. You're saved, Kaichou.'

It took him seconds before he realized what happened to him. Nokoru wondered whether it was another dream, since he believed he could never be healed. 'Really?' he asked in doubt.

Akira nodded his head firmly. 'You're alright now. Doctor said, you just need to take a lot of rest to have your new heart familiar with your body. And the rest… they'll check you continuously.'

Nokoru was silent. He didn't know what to say. Should he feel relieve and happy? But why he kept on feeling that something was missing? Suddenly, he remembered something.

'Akira…. Where's Suoh?'

Akira was stunned. Check-mat. Instantly, his body was frozen. He was at lost of words.

The door's opening saved Akira just then. Idomu entered the room and diverted Nokoru's attention to him. 'Nokoru, you're back!' Idomu was more than happy to see his friend finally get back to normal. He quickly hugged the blonde boy.

'What so you mean I'm back? I didn't go anywhere.' Nokoru smiled. He knew everyone was worrying about him. He had made everyone feel sad, Idomu, Akira, Utako, Nagisa, and…. Suoh.

'Where is he?' He asked again to his two dear friends. Akira quickly gazed to Idomu, signing that he needed help to answer Nokoru's question.

'I'm sorry,' Idomu immediately answered, 'He's gone.'

Akira's black eyes were widened to hear Idomu's quick response. He was afraid that Nokoru would be distressed to listen to Idomu's answer. But on the contrary, Nokoru remained calm and did not do anything about it.

'I see…' he whispered silently, 'it wasn't a dream when I heard him say goodbye…'

Everyone was silent. Akira was brokenhearted to hear what Nokoru had just said. He knew that his Kaichou was hoping all that happened was merely a dream… a nightmare… But it wasn't! What would he do if only he knew the truth? Akira was more than scared to imagine what possibly could happen. What happen if only Nokoru knew that Suoh had died for him? That it was Suoh's heart implanted in his body?

Idomu put out a single letter out of his coat, and handed it to Nokoru. 'He gave you this.'

Nokoru couldn't believe that Suoh had left him a letter. Trembling, he took the letter from Idomu's hand and opened the envelope slowly. Idomu and Akira could do nothing else than watching him read the letter slowly. They could see a single tear fall down from the blue eyes they loved, but none of them asked why. They just stayed in silence.

There was only one sentence written on the letter:

"Breathe for me."

Nokoru hold the letter and cried. He didn't understand why he cried. He didn't understand what the letter mean. He just knew one thing for sure…. He might not be able to see his love again….

***

Outside there, on a private jet, a beautiful girl sat with the most sorrowful eyes looking out to the dancing cloud. The blue colour of the sky reminded her of someone she loved and lost forever. In her embrace, there was a pot of ash that coming from his body. She would take the ash a place faraway that no one other than herself knew. Her eyes were blurred in tears, as she knew her love had kept his promise to her, to be with her until the rest of his life.

***

The end.

AUTHOR'S NOTE:

Finally, it's ended. I apologize to everyone for taking a long time to finish this story. I started this story long time ago when I was still college, I got a job, I got married, and now I got a baby. But I still can't get my mind out of it. I need to finish what I have started. So I thank you if you're still waiting to read the story. Thank you for those who spend their time leaving comments for me, just to let you know that it is your comments that make me continue my story, no matter how long it will take. Thank you so much!

For those who are still wondering what happen to Suoh and Nokoru at the end of this story, well…. Suoh died. Nokoru… he didn't know what happen to him. And everyone who knows swears that they will not tell anything to Nokoru. But secret will reveal itself. If you want to make a fanfic based on this story, please do so. I'd be happy to read it too.

See you again one day.