Author: Keiran
Title: A World in a Grain of Sand 21/21
Pairings: 1+2+1.
Rating: R overall, for no reason really.
Genre: Romance, mild angst, historical sort of fantasy.
Warnings: Shounen-ai.
Archive: Gundam Wing Diaries, Cali0cat's Archive, my homepage. If you want it, drop me a line.

Notes: This is it, folks! Over two years and most of my career in the fandom concluded. Thank you everyone who supported, encouraged and patiently waited for this instalment. I'd like to thank Sundaire and Shenlong Deb in particular, for braving my abysmal punctuation, spelling and grammar. Much love to you, guys!

xxxXXXxxx

Heero sat by his bedroom's window, staring off onto the distant forest. His eyes were dull, lacking the spark that lend a vibrancy of colour to his irises. Thinking hurt. Breathing hurt. Everything seemed to hurt these days.

Especially living.

He rested his head against the window frame wishing desperately for the snow to fall, against better judgment. His gaze fell heavily on the hot August sun, annoyed with its enthusiasm. It just wasn't right for the world to go on as if nothing had happened. The sun should not have risen, he thought bitterly. Rain should fall. Something. Anything.

"Excuse me, milord?" he heard a timid voice speak from the doorway. Wearily, the general turned his head. The woman's face was familiar. Sally's mother.

"I said I do not wish to be disturbed," he replied turning back to the glass plane. "Leave me."

"I'm really sorry, milord. But master healer is here and he insisted on seeing you." The young woman wrung her hands nervously, clearly unhappy with the duty she was given. Heero commanded a quiet, yet intense sort of respect in his servants and that intensity was frightening, especially when the man concentrated.

"I'm tired," was the dismissive reply.

"Sir-"

"That would be enough, Po. Leave." Normally he would never allow himself to speak so harshly to a woman, yet he just could not bring himself to care. He ignored the sound of the door closing, resting his forehead against the warm glass. It was only the soft footsteps that brought him out of his contemplation. "I said-"

"You said some very stupid things, boy," the master healer said sternly, coming to rest on a settee with a soft grunt. He looked around the room casually, noting the dustiness. It was not particularly surprising, considering the frightened expressions of the servants when he demanded to speak with the general.

"Hardly," the man responded, not moving from his spot on the windowsill.

"Yes, you have. Now come down here, I refuse to converse by raising my voice." Reluctantly Heero obeyed. He was a soldier deep down and one thing the soldiers learned very early was never to anger or disrespect the person that might one day hold their life in their hands.

…Though really, what difference did it make now?

"Heero," the master healer began. "I think you have done a really stupid thing. And I think you are not being fair." The younger man started.

"Not fair?" he asked, disbelief colouring his voice.

"To Duo, yes." The elderly man noted the myriad of emotions playing across the general's features at the mention of the name. Not all of them pleased him.

"I have wronged him," he admitted curtly.

"That is very much true. You've been leading him on." Heero's head snapped up at the words. The master sat very still, judging his reaction.

"Leading him on? That is ridiculous, I have done no such thing!"

"Indeed you have. Heero. You come after him, all but professing your undying commitment and worship, acceptance and companionship, only to cast him aside when it stopped being convenient for you."

"I have done no such thing." The general's voice was toneless.

"Everyone always offers excuses. There are always good reasons to explain everything. Somehow though, I think your reasons are not good enough to justify what has happened."

"I just- How can I justify what happened?" Heero rested his forehead upon his folded hands. "I have not cast him aside. I just… I need time to think," he finished lamely. The old man perused him for a long while.

"I understand you are a soldier Heero, yes?" Taking the faint snort as an affirmative it was – albeit a rather impolite one – the healer continued. "And in all your time as a soldier, you have never let a person die?"

"That has nothing to do with it!" Heero, for the first time since the beginning of the conversation, exhibited the spark of passion that had driven him throughout the time the master had known the man. The sound of the general's heavy breathing was the only noise filling the room for a longer while.

"No. I suppose it doesn't. However, I must beg you to try and reconsider. Duo is not an angel sent from the heavens. He might look the part, occasionally, but he is not." The healer paused. "I think you realise what I'm trying to say here."

"That I am an idiot?"

"Yes, that too." The older man shook his head. "Someone had once, rather aptly, concluded that there are times when you have to sacrifice some, to save many. And he was not a soldier, Heero." The general stared back, trying to grasp the reason slipping from his fingers.

"Are you saying it is alright, what he did? That leaving that child to die, that helping her die was alright?"

"How many people have you killed? How many would never see, or walk, or hold anything because of you, great general?"

"I am a soldier, old man. It is my job to kill people!" In a strange way it was good to see the fire reignite in the man's voice. So much easier working with anger instead of indifference.

"Is it?" the dry tone in the healer's voice would have made a desert look like a lush paradise.

"Yes! It is a soldier's job to kill and a healer's to save lives."

"We do keep each other busy, don't we?" the master mused humourlessly. "Apparently you have put a lot of time into considering these matters. Have you perhaps considered what would have happened if Duo had saved that little girl?"

Heero opened his mouth to reply and found that he could find no words. What would have happened? He would have treated her, helped her, stayed by her-

But it is never that simple, is it?

"Duo is… unusual, you could say," the old man started quietly, sensing the turmoil in the other's mind. "I can tell you that the healers whose abilities could be compared to his are usually in their forties, if not older. Strange, you might think, since he has no unusual skills or any extraordinary talent. Granted, he is very intelligent, but his gift is no more special than any other's."

"What makes him an exceptional healer, is the fact that he understands that in order to win, you must make sacrifices. I have no idea how he could have managed to learn this so early; to tell you the truth, it is somewhat painful to see such an ancient gaze on one so young." Heero's hair covered his downcast face, his hands hung limply between his knees. The fire died down to embers. "We are only people, Heero," the man concluded gently, hoping to sustain the feeble flames. "And there's blood on our hands, just like there is blood on yours."

"There wasn't supposed to be," the younger man replied quietly. "He was-"

"… supposed to be an angel, is that it? Something pure, for you to treasure, to wash the blood away?" Heero did not reply. "It is not foolish, never think that. Merely too idealistic to be real." He paused. There was one question he intended to ask and it seemed like the time to do so had arrived. "Do you think he was wrong to have abandoned that girl?"

The general clenched his eyes shut, forcing the silence out of his mind. He did not want silence. Never silence. "No," he admitted weakly. "I would have done the same had I been in his place." The master healer sat very still, appraising the younger man. His expression betrayed nothing, yet Heero could clearly see the man was waiting for more. "I do not intend to leave, if that is what you wished to hear."

It was only then that the healer smiled. "I was not going to stop you. Neither of you deserves enforced company of someone they do not feel comfortable with." The elderly man stood up with a barely noticeable grunt. "Now that you finally realise that being a healer is not all about bandaging scraped knees and collecting herbs, something that few people ever care to think about, you might wish to consider this instead: however friendly and lovable Duo is, you aristocrats have drilled into the minds of common people that those of noble blood will never be equal to peasants. It is an instinct, almost. Aristocracy belongs up there, on a pedestal, away from us puny mortals."

"I do not claim to know what a nobleman's mind works like, but it seems to me that living a step above everyone else makes you both lonely and an excellent target."

Heero made no move to indicate he was listening. He sat as still as death, not looking up, barely breathing, in fact. He did not notice the elderly healer exit his chamber. His thoughts scattered into a million pieces, leaving him naught but what he knew he'd felt his entire life – loneliness and fear. Oh, he had not always been alone; he had friends, nobility much like himself, people who understood. Except – they had not understood everything, had they? None of them had ever been truly alone, not like he had been, drifting from place to place before he had assumed his duties as the great general, accompanied only by his most faithful men.

No one had known what that felt like, waking up every morning, surrounded by friendly faces and yet separated by an invisible glass wall. No one, save for Duo.

And he had tried to build a pedestal of his own for his healer. A bitter laugh escaped his throat, turning slightly hysterical as it went on. Luckily, no one was around to hear the great general crumble to pieces; all of the servants were waiting for a call, at a respectable distance.

xxxXXXxxx

Duo busied himself with salvaging everything he could from the dried gardens. The temple was empty again, the heat stroke driving most healers into wandering around the neighbouring villages, helping where they could. He had wanted to go, wanted to escape the suddenly suffocating building, but he knew that if he left now, he would never return. And he was not ready to leave for good. He did not think he would ever be, not again.

So he stayed. And that was driving him insane. He appreciated the other healers. He could sense, somehow, that they were giving him space, not merely avoiding him. He knew that if he reached out people would gladly comfort him, as much as they could.

The problem was, as usual, the reaching out part. He'd always had trouble with that.

With a heavy sigh he ran his palms across the wilting leaves of a small plant barely sticking out from the ground. Reaching out for the small rake, he loosened the dried ground and carefully extracted the herb, throwing it onto a small pile a few paces to his left. Making sure the rest of the ground remained untouched, he watered the remaining greenery and moved on. He was starting on the Milk Thistle rows when a brief touch on his shoulder startled him into awareness. Automatically curving his lips into a smile, he turned to greet the newcomer, yet somehow the sound remained within his throat once he realised just who had joined him.

Heero did not offer a smile. His gaze was sad more than anything else. He sought out the healer's hand amidst the dirt and thirsty plants and brought it to his lips, pressing a soft kiss to the hollowness of its palm. He did not resist when Duo tugged his hand free and returned to his chores. Nor did he resist when the very same hand offered a rake to him and indicated which plants should be removed. They worked together until the sun hid behind the forest, finally giving the earth respite from its merciless, burning rays.

By the time sunset rolled around the two of them were finishing tending to the last row of Milk Thistles. The afternoon had been mostly quiet; they exchanged few words, the majority of them coming down to 'could I have that rake, please?' Somehow, though, neither felt like there was anything that needed saying.

Strangely enough, there was not.

It was only when they'd finished in the garden that Duo became oddly hesitant and nervous. "Thank you, Heero," he said quietly, tugging on the man's sleeve. Heero smiled shyly in return.

"You are welcome," he replied, clasping the other's hand delicately. The sky was painted with an array of colours so bright and vibrant that everything seemed merely a dark silhouette against it. The twilight made seeing difficult, always trying to deceive the eye with dancing shadows and light that were not quite there anymore.

Although… neither man felt it was necessary, when their hands interlaced.

xxxXXXxxx

The sun was not yet up when Duo awoke. He stretched out his arms and stood up from the pallet, extracting himself from Heero's embrace. A tender expression appeared on his face as he tucked the sleep-warmed blanket around the general. Treading as softly as possible, he made his way to the window. Sunrise was his favourite time of the day and normally he would enjoy being enveloped in the peaceful breathlessness of the rise of a new day, something his cosy room did not allow. Duo looked down at his usual sunrise-watching spot on the terrace – it was empty.

It always was.

He kept his gaze trained on the smooth cobbles, not even noticing as he started shivering. Not from the cold, as Duo felt it was impossible to feel cold at the moment, not when he was still standing inside, with his whole body warmed by sleep and wrapped in an equally warmed shirt and pants. Besides, no matter how early the morning, this year was the very epitome of heat.

Before he had a chance to analyse the quite pleasant shivers, a pair of strong arms wrapped a blanket around their owner's and Duo's shoulders.

"Good morning," Heero whispered, nuzzling the healer's hair.

"Good morning," Duo replied, turning his head in the other's direction. Heero's breath was lost to him for several moments. He had dreamed of this, of seeing those violet eyes finally look into his, open and warm. Now that the moment was finally his, he knew no dream could ever compare.

Smiling softly, he pressed a chaste kiss to Duo's mouth before resting his forehead on the healer's shoulder. The latter smiled a little and looked back out of the window, at the sky. Heero, feeling the slight movement, raised his head and followed the other's gaze, to the rising sun.

THE END.