Shine

By Luna

A truth universally acknowledged

AN: Rated T for drug related themes and some romantic fluffy bits

The inside of her eyelids were glowing red with the sun so warm on her face as Beth floated on her inner-tube in the pool. She opened her eyes and tilted her head back to look up at a sky that was so blue. It stretched endlessly, filling her whole field of vision. There were no clouds, and the sun beating down on her was steady and hot. She could feel her skin radiating its heat, and she could smell the chlorine and the sunscreen. The cool water felt nice on her toes as she dipped them in.

It was the first week of summer break and it was wonderful, and she should have been happy, but she was bored. She couldn't shake the nagging feeling that she was supposed to be doing something- like she'd forgotten to take a final exam, or fill out the paperwork for graduation, but it was all done. Still, the looming sense of something not-quite-right wouldn't leave her head.

She had graduated from high school only a week earlier, and during the entire Spring of her senior year she had basked in the excitement of graduation parties and receiving news from the colleges she'd applied to, but after she was accepted to the college she wanted, the thrill had rapidly worn off.

She could still remember vividly walking out to the mailbox early one morning to find the letter, the one she had been waiting for from Pemberley University telling her she was accepted. Pemberley was one of the most prestigious schools on the East coast, on par with Harvard and Yale, and Beth's fingers had shook as she ripped open the letter. She had been so excited. And she still felt the excitement and the anticipation knowing that she would be attending Pemberley, but she had three long months before the semester began. The summer stretched endlessly before her, and for once, she wasn't pleased by the idea.

Behind her, she could hear her older sister laughing and quietly talking with her boyfriend, Charles. Beth spun herself around to look at them. His auburn hair was slicked back with pool water, his short-sleeve button up was open all the way, exposing pale skin, and new freckles covered his knees, arms, and cheekbones. He was splayed out in a lounge chair, but his arm rested around the back of her sister's chair, and they had pulled the chairs as close together as possible. Her sister Jane was covering herself in another layer of sunscreen, and Charles watched with a goofy and devoted attention to the process. It was almost too much to handle and Beth had to stop herself from rolling her eyes. She was happy that her sister had found someone so nice during her first year at college, someone who treated her well and was so free with his affection and compliments. There was absolutely nothing bad that she could say about Charles.

And they were using his pool, after all, and the fully stocked fridge in the pool house, so what wasn't to love?

She never would have said it aloud, but some part of her knew that the not-quite-right feeling of the summer had at least some small part to do with her sister's relationship. Everything had already changed in the last year when Jane went to college, leaving Beth behind with parents she could hardly relate to and a younger sister who drove her insane. They hadn't talked as much, and there was a distance between them that had never been there before. Beth had assured herself that the summer was going to be their time to reconnect, but now it was almost like she didn't exist. Instead of it being their summer, she was playing the third wheel.

That's enough feeling sorry for yourself, Beth thought to herself as she slid into the water. Things were obviously going to be different than she had anticipated, but different didn't have to be bad. She loved her sister, and was here to support her no matter what changes occurred in their relationship. It wouldn't ruin the summer unless Beth let it. She tried to tell herself rationally that it wasn't a zero-sum equation. Jane had more than enough love to go around.

"How's the water?" Jane called, drawing her attention away from Charles and smiling as Beth did an easy backstroke.

Beth swam to the edge of the pool at their feet and hung there by her elbows, brushing her dark hair out of her eyes. "It's perfect. Charles, where have you been all our lives?" she called out, melodramatically.

"15 minutes away," was his pragmatic answer.

This was true, as their families both lived in Maryland, in a metro area of D.C., and neither Jane nor Charles had gone far for college.

"It still amazes me that out of the thousands of freshman students, that somehow we were paired together as lab partners in Intro Bio, and that we live so close to each other. It was fate, wasn't it?" Jane asked, switching into a tone that Beth had never heard her sister use before she met Charles, but that she was becoming increasingly familiar with. When things really got going, Jane and Charles would both alter their voices into a kind of couple-speak that was almost unbearable to witness.

"Definitely lucky!" Beth called, trying to distract them from each other. "And it's good that you met in college. I don't know any couples from our high school that are still together after graduation." This included Beth's own most recent relationship, but that was nothing to mention in front of Charles.

"I wish I had known you in high school," Charles said to Jane with a smile as he squeezed her knee with affection. "But then again, the St. Agnes kids don't get out that much. I don't know when we ever would have run into each other."

Which was about the nicest way possible to say that they came from very different economic backgrounds. Jane didn't seem to notice anything in the comment, and Beth tried to not feel the slight, but she and Jane had both gone to public school while Charles had attended the prestigious prep school in the area that cost $50,000 a year, and that was the real reason they had never crossed paths. It was populated with students from old money and top athletes on full scholarships, neither of which applied to her or Jane.

Beth's high school experience had given her little love for jocks, and she had heard ridiculous rumors regarding an underground society at St. Agnes. Although she didn't spend her free time thinking about the private school, she felt derision toward it whenever it came up. Here was just another example of privilege in action, as students who didn't work that hard somehow ended up in the most prestigious colleges, just because of money. It struck her as unfair, considering the amount of time and energy she had spent in order to get into Pemberley. She had to say something to point out the fact that costing a lot of money didn't necessarily make it a better school or a better experience, but she liked Charles and didn't want to make him feel uncomfortable so she settled for a joke.

"Right, too busy hazing new recruits until they puke with the lacrosse team or doing blood sacrifices with that secret society to cross paths with the Bennet sisters. What's the name of that society again...something ridiculous..."

"The Wizard Knights!", all three said together, Charles laughing along with them.

"Nobody ever would explain to me what all those sheep were for..." Charles said, feigning a dawning understanding. After a moment he continued more seriously. "You're right that Agnes is a weird place with strange traditions, and in lots of ways it's out-dated. And obviously a total waste of money on my parents' part because Jane is smarter than I'll ever be," he finished gracefully. "And you too, Beth."

It was hard to feel any resentment after that.

"I can't wait to get out of here," Carla sighed as Beth joined her on the patio seating of the local coffee shop. "And go somewhere that can make coffee without burning the milk," she added under her breath.

Beth had just finished her hours at her summer job in the small bookstore across the street, and sat down with an iced latte next to her friend, enjoying the bright sun after being indoors all morning. The first month of the summer had rushed by as Beth spent most of her time trying to save up money for books and whatever else she would need at the start of the semester. Jane was deep in relationship la-la land with Charles, but her best friend Carla Lucas would often meet her for lunch or to get a drink after her shift was over.

"I can't believe you're leaving me for your dream job to go live in D.C.," she said, with mock disbelief, while Carla squealed in excitement. Carla was four years older than Beth, and they had met while working as waitresses at Beth's previous summer job. It was an easy friendship, and Beth was going to miss her terribly. "Jane spends most of her time with Charles, and now you're leaving me too. What am I going to do?" Beth said with a forlorn look.

"Take the train in and visit me, obviously," Carla said without missing a beat, tossing her long black braids behind a shoulder. "You can stay on my couch whenever you want. We'll go to the museums, and the restaurants, and get perfect coffees whenever we want."

"Along with our sugar daddies, obviously, who will have to pay for all of it," Beth added, as she imagined what it was actually cost to do everything Carla suggested.

Carla laughed and then gave her a suggestive look. "Well there are certainly more eligible men in the city. After I move there, we'll find us both summer flings. Age appropriate," she added with a wink.

The idea of meeting someone new was exciting for Beth. Her sister's relationship had made her feel a new sense of loneliness that she hadn't felt before. They included her whenever they could, but it wasn't the same as having her own partner.

"The only relationship I've had lasted for a year, and I didn't even like him that much. So I'm not sure that I'm cut out for flings." Beth tried to imagine herself casually dating someone in the city, and the idea did not fit at all.

"You just need practice!" Carla teased, her dark eyes mischievous with laughter. "That'll be goal number one the first time you visit." Beth smiled and just shook her head.

"Are you excited about moving?" Beth asked, imaging what her own feelings would be. Carla had studied art history and had just landed a job working in one of the small galleries as an assistant. Carla might have the money to go out whenever she wanted, but Beth was still worried about buying textbooks. Four years wasn't that big of an age difference, but she and Carla were still somehow in different stages of life.

She didn't know what she wanted to do in life yet; it seemed completely absurd that at 18 she was supposed to know and be able to decide the rest of her life. She was excited to go to Pemberley, but what if she picked the wrong classes? A familiar sense of anxiety began to pool in her stomach, but she tried to shake the feeling off and just be happy for her friend.

"You have no idea," Carla said, with her lips curved into the biggest smile. "Years of hard work finally paying off...my first big girl job...new apartment..."

"I'm so proud of you," she said, reaching for her friend's hand. They shared a quick squeeze, and Beth felt grateful for their friendship, realizing that in just a few weeks this would be different, too.

"But what about you? You're doing something just as big, moving across all those states for college. That's gotta feel amazing."

"Amazing is not how I would describe it," Beth said, her tone dark.

"Oh, Bee! You've got nothing to be anxious about. And you can't spend the whole summer worrying about what's going to happen months from now." Carla was pragmatic. "I had a great time at college, and so will you. To be fair, I don't really remember anymore what I felt before I went... but why don't you talk to Jane about it? She just went through it herself, and look how happy she is. She'll know what to say to make you feel better. She always does."

"It's different than you expect, when you get there you'll see. I was so worried that I'd have no one to talk to, that I was going to be that dumb homesick freshman girl. But there's always your roommate, and the people on your floor. And there's so many clubs and groups that you can join that fit with your interests. And I met a lot of people in my classes too. Mostly to study, but it was still fun to get to know them. It was hard at first because I didn't know what to expect, and I was so worried that no one would like me. But college won't be like that for you, Beth."

Beth could only stare at her sister mutely. For one, she was looking especially beautiful, fresh from the shower with her chin length blonde hair wild over her head, her delicate features flushed from a day in the sun, and her kind eyes warm with love and hope for her younger sister. But more than that, Beth couldn't believe that her amazing older sister, who could do no wrong in her eyes and basically lived in a state of perfect grace, had ever felt any of these worries or insecurities. Everyone loved Jane, and Beth most of all. To hear from someone that she admired about their anxieties was both eye-opening and comforting. She was finally feeling that closeness with her sister again after weeks of the summer had gone by. It was nice to know that, across time and distance, their bond was still strong.

They had been trying to talk through the feelings of unrest and boredom that she couldn't quite identify but that had been plaguing her. Perhaps part of it was anxiety about leaving home and moving across the country to where she didn't know anyone.

"I know you didn't feel like high school was a challenge, class wise. So think of it as an opportunity to finally take classes that interest you and have teachers that really make you think," Jane suggested. "And the whole point of the first year is to explore. It's not like you can make a mistake in picking a class. Or if you do, you can always drop."

That point hit home, too. Beth's senior year had left her feeling intellectually stagnant, and she couldn't wait to prove herself in a new environment. A new challenge always motivated her. And this idea that she didn't have to know right away what she wanted. She relaxed a little, as she sat cross-legged on the floor in Jane's room, feeling some of her negative energy dissipate.

"And you might just meet someone special," Jane said with a knowing smile, obviously thinking about her own experience with Charles.

"Ew, who would ever date a loser like Beth?" Their youngest sister, Lydia had stuck her head into the room and caught Jane's last sentence. Headphones dangling from her neck, she stuck out her tongue at them, and then let out a high pitch giggle as Beth grabbed the nearest pillow and threw it as hard as she could at the door. It was more to get a point across than anything else, as she had long ago become immune to Lydia's immature insults. The door slammed shut, but they could still hear Lydia laughing in the hallway.

"I will murder that child," Beth said, taking slow breaths as Jane laughed. Her relationship with her younger sister could not be any more different than the one she had with Jane. She and Lydia just did not mesh. They had very little in common, and seemed to do nothing but rub each other the wrong way.

Jane, always the more magnanimous of the two, just shook her head. "She'll age out of it, you'll see. She's only 15."

"That's one thing to look forward to, anyway. Getting away from her."

The two sat quietly for a moment, and Jane had a faraway look on her face. "I hope you do meet someone special, Beth. It's so...I can't explain it. I've never felt like this before. Charles is so great. And when we..." Jane looked swiftly at the closed door before continuing in a whisper. "You know. I just feel so close to him. It's amazing."

Beth knew that Charles was the first person Jane had slept with, and that Jane was usually too shy to talk about such things with anyone. For her to open up about it meant she must be feeling a lot.

"Was it like that with you and Ben?" Jane continued and Beth made a purposefully awkward face, thinking back to her ex-boyfriend of a month before and the two times they had had sex. She and Jane hadn't really talked about it, as her sister had been away at college, and it didn't feel like something to say over the phone.

"No!" She had to laugh at the idea. She and Ben had dated for all of her senior year. Beth had naturally been curious about sex, had felt safe and respected with Ben, and figured she might as well try it as not. That had been her level of attraction to him, and her approach to sex. "It was..." She searched for words to describe the experience, finding herself whispering despite the closed door. "It was fine. I don't know. It felt okay, and he was really nice. We made sure to be safe." She shrugged and held up her hands, trying to come up with more. There had been a lot of fumbling on both sides. It was over much faster than she had anticipated. What she remembered most was the thought that she didn't understand what all the fuss was about. Why people went crazy over it. Whatever it was that Jane was describing had not been her own experience.

"Did you two ever say 'I love you'?" Jane asked, and Beth shook her head, realizing what must be on her sister's mind.

"Are you in love with Charles?"

A flush crept across Jane's cheeks, and she nodded, whispering again. "But I don't know if it's too soon, or if I should wait for him to say it first. I don't want to come on too strong and scare him off. I like him so much."

She looked so genuinely worried, and Beth felt a different kind of distance between them, one twinged with sadness. She had no idea what her sister was experiencing. Her last relationship was miles short of love. What had she been missing out on, and what if she never experienced it for herself?

But she did her best to put on a supportive face. "It's a bit like the blind leading the blind here," she began. "But I don't think it's ever a mistake to tell someone how you feel about them. From what I can see, Charles must be in love with you, too."

Jane smiled sweetly, and gave her sister's hand a squeeze.

"Maybe he has a friend for you!" Jane suggested excitedly after a short pause, and Beth couldn't help laughing, her mouth curving into an amused expression at the idea of it. Good, sweet Jane, always thinking about others rather than herself.

"Maybe."