(Author's note: Hi! I'm Commander, and I've been leaving reviews out and about the FOP section of fanfiction.net, but this is my first FOP story. Kinda pointless, stupid, and long, I know. I only made it one chapter, however, because having only two chapters or so seems kinda stupid. Well, read and enjoy. Or try to enjoy. Oh yeah, Fairly Odd Parents doesn't belong to me. Only one character in this story does, and I think you'll be able to figure out who.)
Saturday, 8:30 P.M.
Timmy Turner ran into his house, feeling exuberant. He and his friends Chester and A.J. had just played video games till their brains rotted, and then he and A.J. had seen what foods would stick to Chester's braces.
"That syrup was hilarious!" laughed Timmy, remembering the fun day he had. He opened the door to his house and went into the kitchen.
His mom was there, eating a huge steak, with about five thousand side dishes. Timmy's mouth dropped open in surprise.
"Uh… Mom? That's a lot of food you're eating—-"
Mrs. Turner glared at Timmy. "Well, you know what, Timmy? I can eat what ever I want, when ever I want!"
"No, Timmy!" cried Timmy's dad, who was chained to the wall. "Don't get her started on this! Look what happened to me!"
"QUIET!" yelled Mrs. Turner. Mr. Turner shut his mouth obediently. Mrs. Turner was about to yell at Timmy some more when she suddenly yelled, "I really have to go to the bathroom!" With that, she ran out of the room.
"I'm getting outta here!" cried Timmy, racing upstairs to his bedroom.
"Timmy! What about me?" cried Mr. Turner, still tied to the wall.
"Jeez, Mom's acting weird," Timmy muttered to himself as he walked to his bedroom. "In fact, she's kinda acting just like—-"
Timmy opened the door to find Wanda, his fairy godmother, eating a huge steak with about five thousand side dishes.
"Wanda!" cried Timmy. "What are you doing? My parents could've just come in here anytime and seen you! You know how they like to assert their parental authority! And how can you eat that much food?"
Wanda glared at Timmy. "Do you have to know every aspect of my life? I need a little privacy, you know! Just a little!"
"Timmy!" cried Cosmo, Timmy's fairy godfather, who was chained to the wall. "Don't get her started on that again!"
"Stop taking his side, Cosmo!" snapped Wanda. She flew over to him, raised her wand, and… stopped. "I really have to go potty!" she cried, dashing into Timmy's bathroom.
"She's gone!" cried Cosmo. "Get me outta these chains, Timmy!"
Timmy rolled his eyes. "Uh, Cosmo? You're still holding your wand. You can get yourself out!"
Cosmo looked at his hand as a happy, zany grin spread across his face. "Oh yeah!" he cried, poofing himself out.
"I don't get it, Cosmo!" cried Timmy. "I mean, Wanda's been acting this way for a while now, and tonight, my mom starts doing it too! Has she ever been like this before?"
Cosmo shrugged. "Well, I haven't known your mom for very long. How should I know?"
"I don't mean my mom, I mean Wanda!" cried Timmy.
"Oh!" said Cosmo. "Well, she's been angry before… and really hungry before… and she's really needed to go to the bathroom before… but NOT ALL THREE AT ONCE!"
"I'll take that as a no," muttered Timmy. "It must just be some girl thing. I just hope they snap out of it."
"Timmy! Time for bed!"
"Oh no, it's my mom!" whispered Timmy. "Turn into a fish, Cosmo!"
Mrs. Turner opened the door and walked into Timmy's room, looking very cheerful, considering her mood a few minutes ago. She tucked Timmy in. "Good night, Timmy!" She looked at Timmy's nightstand. "Uh, Timmy, why did you take a plate up here?" she asked, looking at the green plate.
"I said fish, not dish!" whispered Timmy.
Mrs. Turner shrugged. "Oh well! Just bring it downstairs when you're done!"
"Uh, Mom? Where's Dad?" asked Timmy.
"He's still chained to the wall, so he can't tell you goodnight tonight."
"Oh. I wish he were free," muttered Timmy. Cosmo the plate raised his wand.
From downstairs Mr. Turner yelled, "I'm magically free!"
"Well, excuse me while I chain up your father again," said Mrs. Turner, walking out of the room.
"This has been a really weird day," said Timmy as he laid down in bed. "I hope everything's back to normal tomorrow." He fell asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow. Cosmo turned into a fish and jumped into the fishbowl and into the castle, in fear that Wanda would want to chain him up again.
Wanda floated out of the bathroom, looking tired. "Cosmo, could you come outside with me? There's something I need to tell you."
Cosmo stuck his fishy head out of the castle. "Does it involve chaining me to the wall?"
Wanda sighed, raised her wand, and with a poof she and Cosmo were outside, both in fairy form.
"Okay… as you and Timmy know—-" started Wanda.
"Wait!" cried Cosmo. "I actually know something?"
Wanda rolled her eyes, but continued. "-—I've been acting kinda strange lately. And it's probably time you know why." She waved her wand over her body, and with a poof…
Cosmo gasped. Wanda's stomach was sticking out! "Aaaaaah! I told you this would happen if you kept eating like you did!"
"No, I don't have a big stomach because I've been eating a lot, I've been eating a lot because I have a big stomach!"
Cosmo stared stupidly, his brain overloaded with little sparks coming out of it, as if he had blown a fuse.
"What I'm trying to say," said Wanda, "is that I'm pregnant!"
Cosmo continued to stare.
"Which means I'm going to have a baby."
Cosmo slapped his hands over his mouth. "Oh my gosh! That means I'm gonna be a daddy! When's it coming out? Is it a boy or a girl? Does it look like me? Does it like cheese? Does it-—"
"SHUT UP!" cried Wanda. Cosmo back away in fear. Wanda sighed again. "Sorry about that, sweetheart. But you know, when people are pregnant, they get irritable. There's something else I have to tell you… the baby's due in two days."
"Wow!" said Cosmo happily. "That was a quick pregnancy!"
"Not really," said Wanda. "I've been pregnant for nine months."
"Nine months?" cried Cosmo. "Is nine more than four?"
"Yes, dear," said Wanda, irritated.
"How come you didn't tell me?" cried Cosmo, his lip quivering.
Wanda threw her hands up in the air. "I didn't want you and Timmy worrying about me. I can take care of myself! And furthermore—" Wanda suddenly winced in pain.
"What is it, lambchop?" asked Cosmo.
"It's time!" she moaned. "The baby's coming out! I'm going to Fairy World!"
"I'm coming too!" said Cosmo happily.
"No, you need to stay here with Timmy!" cried Wanda. "I'll come back as soon as the baby is born!" With that, she poofed off to Fairy World.
Cosmo trembled and bit his fingernails. "Aaaaah! What do I do now? Must—-think—-" Cosmo's brow wrinkled as he tried to think. Finally, he did the only thing he could think off.
"TIMMY! TIMMY! WAKE UP!"
Timmy sat up in bed in shock and tried to push off Cosmo, who was hitting his face. "What is it, Cosmo?"
"Wanda's gone!" cried Cosmo.
"Gone?" shrieked Timmy. "But why? Where did she go?"
"She went to Fairy World. She's gonna have a baby!"
Timmy blinked. Finally he was able to speak. "A BABY? Why didn't she tell me?"
"Hey, she only told me five minutes ago!"
"And she's having it now?"
Cosmo looked scared and frustrated. "I don't know! Her stomach stuck out to here!" he cried, sticking out his arms for reference.
"That's pretty pregnant. How could I have missed that?"
Cosmo looked indignant, if you can imagine that. "We are fairies, you know! We can alter our appearances!" Cosmo suddenly smiled widely. "Hey! I just used two words I didn't even know I knew the meaning off! Alter and appearances!"
Timmy laid back down in bed. "Well, Cosmo, there isn't much we can do about this right now. We'll just have to wait until she comes home, and we can see the baby. Hopefully she'll be here by tomorrow morning." Timmy paused. "I wonder how long it takes for a baby to be born, anyway?"
"Don't ask me!" exclaimed Cosmo.
"I was talking to myself. People often do it in dramatic moments," explained Timmy. He set his head down on the pillow and fell asleep instantly.
Sunday, 10:00 A.M.
Timmy sat in the church pew, fidgeting. Wanda hadn't come back yet. She might be at home now, but it was hard to know for sure. Cosmo, who was disguised as Timmy's tie, kept sighing worriedly.
And as if Timmy didn't have enough to worry about, he kept looking at his mom, whose stomach was noticeably bigger. Timmy sighed. That's what happens when you eat like crazy, he thought…
When they got home, Wanda still wasn't there. Cosmo paced the room while Timmy sat on his bed.
"Wow," said Timmy, sorta to himself and sorta to Cosmo. "So your kid will be like my fairy god brother or god sister. And I didn't even know the words god brother or god sister existed."
Cosmo smiled, temporarily forgetting his worry. "Hey! You just used words you didn't know, too!"
Timmy stood up. "I wanna get something for Wanda. Like, a card or something. I think I'll go to Hallmark and buy one."
"Uh, Timmy, why don't you just wish for a card?" asked Cosmo.
"Well, I could do that, but buying one is more personal," said Timmy.
Cosmo scratched his head. "I thought it was less personal."
"Yeah, maybe I should just make one," muttered Timmy. "Besides, do they even have generic ones? I mean, they usually say, 'It's a boy!' or 'It's a girl!' but I don't know what it'll be yet until I see it!" Timmy paused. "I hope it's a boy, though!"
Cosmo pulled at his hair in frustration. "WHY ISN'T SHE BACK YET?"
"Hmmm…. I have an idea!" cried Timmy. "But it involves talking to my mom. I hope she's in a good mood!"
"Hey Mom!"
Mrs. Turner turned and glared at Timmy. Timmy gulped. "Uh, I'm doing a report about babies being born, and I was wondering if you ever got any books when you were pregnant with me, that I could use for research-—"
"Oh, sure, Timmy!" cried Mrs. Turner, walking to the bookshelf and pulling out about five books, strangely close to the front.
"Thanks, Mom," said Timmy. He looked around. "Hey, where's Dad?"
"I had him chained the wall, but his screams were annoying me, so I chained him in the basement," said Mrs. Turner.
"What did I ever do?" cried Mr. Turner from the basement.
"Uh, thanks Mom, bye!" cried Timmy, running up to his room.
"Okay, according to this, the time a woman is in labor varies greatly, but it is usually somewhere between seven to fourteen hours. And it's been…" Timmy checked his watch. "… eighteen hours since she's left."
Cosmo smacked his head against the wall. "Aaaaaah! What do you think is taking her so long?"
Timmy shrugged. "I don't know. But I seem to remember seeing on movies and stuff that the mom stays in the hospital for awhile after the baby is born, so the baby can get shots and stuff. Do fairies get shots, Cosmo?"
"I don't know!" wailed Cosmo. "Do you expect me to know that?"
"Yeah, you're right," muttered Timmy. He looked back at the book. "Hey, this book says something else, too. 'If someone you know has been gone for eighteen hours or more giving birth, remember that, although uncommon nowadays, women can still die in childbirth'."
"Oh!" said Cosmo happily. "That's a relief."
Timmy nodded, also smiling. "You can say that again."
The two smiled at each other for about four seconds, and then it hit them.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH! DIE IN CHILDBIRTH?"
"I've got to go to Fairy World!" cried Cosmo. "She could be DEAD! And that means she can't make that portrait session we have set up for next week!"
"She could just be in labor for a long time, and remember, if we come and bother her, she probably won't be happy with us!" yelled Timmy. "Look, if she's not here by tomorrow, we can go and check on her, okay?"
Cosmo nodded glumly. "Okay…"
Monday, 7:00 A.M.
Timmy woke with a jolt. "Is she here yet?" he cried. Cosmo was pacing the fishbowl—at least, he was pacing as well as he could considering he was a fish.
"Nooooooooo!" he moaned. "She's probably dead! I need to go see her!"
"Wait, Cosmo! I wanna come too!" cried Timmy. "And I have to go to school today! So, we can go when I get back from school, if she doesn't come home by then."
"What am I supposed to do?" cried Cosmo.
"Uh… play video games until your brain rots?"
Cosmo laughed. "You're so silly, Timmy! You know I can't do that! I don't even have a brain to rot!"
"That's true," admitted Timmy. "Well, I'm going to go get ready for school." He grabbed his clothes and went into the bathroom.
Monday, 3:30 P.M.
Timmy ran out of the school bus, up the stairs, and into his room, not even bothering to say hi to his mom. He couldn't even consider saying hi to his dad, who was still chained up in the basement. Once in his room, he yelled, "Did she come back?"
Cosmo was sitting in the corner, sucking his thumb. He slowly removed his thumb from his mouth and wailed, "Nooooooooooooooooo!"
"Alright, then, we need to go to Fairy World! I wish—-"
POOF!
Timmy and Cosmo turned in shock. Wanda had just poofed in, and she was holding a small bundle!
"AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!" screamed Timmy and Cosmo. Wanda covered her ears. She was finally able to uncover them when the screaming stopped—-Timmy was taking deep breaths, and Cosmo had fainted.
"Timmy!" cried Mrs. Turner. "What are you doing up there?"
"I'm practicing screaming!" gasped Timmy. "In, uh, two different voices!"
"Well, continue practicing!" called Mrs. Turner. "You need lots of work!"
"Actually, don't continue!" cried Wanda. "You'll wake the baby!"
Timmy glared at Wanda. "Alright, what took you so long? Where you really in labor this whole time? Is the baby dead? I mean, what happened?"
"The baby's alive," said Wanda, gazing at the baby in her arms. "And actually, she was born yesterday at about nine A.M."
"Well, then, why didn't you come back till now?" cried Timmy. "And, uh, is it a boy or a girl?"
"It's a girl. That's why I said 'she'," said Wanda. "Come look at her!"
Timmy peered at the baby. Little wisps of white hair stuck out of her head, and her tiny wings fluttered as she slept. Sensing Timmy looking at her, she woke up and stared at him with large, silver eyes.
"She's adorable!" said Timmy, smiling at the tiny fairy. Then he remembered what he had asked before. "What took you so long?"
"I'm sorry, Timmy," said Wanda with an apologetic shrug. "My parents came over as soon as they found out, and then, once I left the hospital, almost every fairy in Fairy World was trying to get her picture!"
"Why?" asked Timmy.
Wanda sighed. "You see, sweetie, fairies are really dying out. This baby here was the first fairy born in nearly three thousand years!"
"Why haven't fairies been having babies?" asked Timmy.
"They've been too busy with their godchildren," said Wanda.
"Oh. Okay," said Timmy. He looked back at the baby. "So what's her name?"
"I haven't named her yet," admitted Wanda. "I wanted Cosmo to help name her."
"Then you might want to wake him up," said Timmy, looking over at the still unconscious Cosmo.
"Oh! Right," said Wanda, poofing up a glass of water and pouring it over Cosmo's head.
"THE MONEY'S BURIED IN THE BACKYARD!" screamed Cosmo. "Uh, I mean, AAAAAAAHHHHHH!"
"Shhh!" cried Wanda. "You don't want to wake our daughter, do you?"
"Our daughter?" said Cosmo. "But—-I thought you were dead!"
Wanda sighed. "For an explanation, read up a few lines when I'm talking to Timmy."
Cosmo read up the page. "Ohhhhhhh!" he cried. "I understand now!"
"That's a first!" cried Timmy.
"Lemme see her!" cried Cosmo, looking at his daughter. "Can I hold her now?"
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" screeched Wanda. Timmy and Cosmo, rather blown away, stared at her.
"Jeez, I've heard that mothers are overprotective of their first child, but that's a little much!" Timmy finally said.
"You know, she's mine too!" pointed out Cosmo.
Wanda looked over at Timmy's nightstand. "Where did you get these books on babies being born, Timmy?"
"Oh, that. Cosmo and I didn't know how long it would take you, so I borrowed these books from my mom. Kinda weird she had them so close to the front of the bookshelf!"
"Well, I'm not surprised!" said Wanda. "You're mom's pregnant!"
"She's WHAT?" screamed Timmy, running downstairs to his mom, who was actually letting his dad out of his chains.
"Mom!" cried Timmy. "Are you pregnant?"
"Oh darn, you figured it out!" cried Mrs. Turner.
"But Mom! I like being an only child!"
"Well, guess what, Timmy?" said Mr. Turner. "We DON'T like you being an only child!"
"Uh, Dad? When did Mom tell you she was pregnant?"
"Last week, why?"
Timmy turned to his mom. "How many months are you?"
"Five," said Mrs. Turner. "Why?"
"Mom! Why didn't you tell us?"
"Because you two are always needlessly worrying about me!" cried Mrs. Turner. "I can take care of myself, you know!"
"I need to go into my room and stare at the ceiling," moaned Timmy, going back upstairs. Cosmo, Wanda, and their daughter had turned into fish and were swimming near the castle.
The baby swam in and out of the castle, enjoying her little game. Cosmo laughed. "Look, Wanda! She's playing in the castle! Let's call her Castle!"
"What kind of a name is Castle?" asked Wanda.
"A good name, actually," said Timmy. "It brings to mind a beautiful, yet refined, girl; a name that can be easily shortened to something like Cassie." Timmy stared at the author. "Why did you make me say that?"
Commander shrugged. "Well, they needed to know what is good about the name Castle!"
"Well, I'm convinced," said Wanda. "Castle it is!"
Castle swam into the castle and fell asleep on the floor.
Timmy looked at Cosmo and Wanda. "Will you two still get to be my fairy godparents?"
"Of course we will," said Wanda reassuringly. "We just won't have as much time to grant your wishes, so lay off the big ones, okay?" Wanda stroked Castle's face, and Castle turned over happily.
Timmy smiled at her. "I sense a sequel."
"Me too!" said Cosmo. He noticed a nickel on the floor of the fishbowl. "Look, a nickel!"
Castle woke up and raced towards it, beating her father. She grabbed the nickel and played with it happily.
"You can definitely tell she's her father's daughter!" said Timmy happily.
THE END… of this story!
Saturday, 8:30 P.M.
Timmy Turner ran into his house, feeling exuberant. He and his friends Chester and A.J. had just played video games till their brains rotted, and then he and A.J. had seen what foods would stick to Chester's braces.
"That syrup was hilarious!" laughed Timmy, remembering the fun day he had. He opened the door to his house and went into the kitchen.
His mom was there, eating a huge steak, with about five thousand side dishes. Timmy's mouth dropped open in surprise.
"Uh… Mom? That's a lot of food you're eating—-"
Mrs. Turner glared at Timmy. "Well, you know what, Timmy? I can eat what ever I want, when ever I want!"
"No, Timmy!" cried Timmy's dad, who was chained to the wall. "Don't get her started on this! Look what happened to me!"
"QUIET!" yelled Mrs. Turner. Mr. Turner shut his mouth obediently. Mrs. Turner was about to yell at Timmy some more when she suddenly yelled, "I really have to go to the bathroom!" With that, she ran out of the room.
"I'm getting outta here!" cried Timmy, racing upstairs to his bedroom.
"Timmy! What about me?" cried Mr. Turner, still tied to the wall.
"Jeez, Mom's acting weird," Timmy muttered to himself as he walked to his bedroom. "In fact, she's kinda acting just like—-"
Timmy opened the door to find Wanda, his fairy godmother, eating a huge steak with about five thousand side dishes.
"Wanda!" cried Timmy. "What are you doing? My parents could've just come in here anytime and seen you! You know how they like to assert their parental authority! And how can you eat that much food?"
Wanda glared at Timmy. "Do you have to know every aspect of my life? I need a little privacy, you know! Just a little!"
"Timmy!" cried Cosmo, Timmy's fairy godfather, who was chained to the wall. "Don't get her started on that again!"
"Stop taking his side, Cosmo!" snapped Wanda. She flew over to him, raised her wand, and… stopped. "I really have to go potty!" she cried, dashing into Timmy's bathroom.
"She's gone!" cried Cosmo. "Get me outta these chains, Timmy!"
Timmy rolled his eyes. "Uh, Cosmo? You're still holding your wand. You can get yourself out!"
Cosmo looked at his hand as a happy, zany grin spread across his face. "Oh yeah!" he cried, poofing himself out.
"I don't get it, Cosmo!" cried Timmy. "I mean, Wanda's been acting this way for a while now, and tonight, my mom starts doing it too! Has she ever been like this before?"
Cosmo shrugged. "Well, I haven't known your mom for very long. How should I know?"
"I don't mean my mom, I mean Wanda!" cried Timmy.
"Oh!" said Cosmo. "Well, she's been angry before… and really hungry before… and she's really needed to go to the bathroom before… but NOT ALL THREE AT ONCE!"
"I'll take that as a no," muttered Timmy. "It must just be some girl thing. I just hope they snap out of it."
"Timmy! Time for bed!"
"Oh no, it's my mom!" whispered Timmy. "Turn into a fish, Cosmo!"
Mrs. Turner opened the door and walked into Timmy's room, looking very cheerful, considering her mood a few minutes ago. She tucked Timmy in. "Good night, Timmy!" She looked at Timmy's nightstand. "Uh, Timmy, why did you take a plate up here?" she asked, looking at the green plate.
"I said fish, not dish!" whispered Timmy.
Mrs. Turner shrugged. "Oh well! Just bring it downstairs when you're done!"
"Uh, Mom? Where's Dad?" asked Timmy.
"He's still chained to the wall, so he can't tell you goodnight tonight."
"Oh. I wish he were free," muttered Timmy. Cosmo the plate raised his wand.
From downstairs Mr. Turner yelled, "I'm magically free!"
"Well, excuse me while I chain up your father again," said Mrs. Turner, walking out of the room.
"This has been a really weird day," said Timmy as he laid down in bed. "I hope everything's back to normal tomorrow." He fell asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow. Cosmo turned into a fish and jumped into the fishbowl and into the castle, in fear that Wanda would want to chain him up again.
Wanda floated out of the bathroom, looking tired. "Cosmo, could you come outside with me? There's something I need to tell you."
Cosmo stuck his fishy head out of the castle. "Does it involve chaining me to the wall?"
Wanda sighed, raised her wand, and with a poof she and Cosmo were outside, both in fairy form.
"Okay… as you and Timmy know—-" started Wanda.
"Wait!" cried Cosmo. "I actually know something?"
Wanda rolled her eyes, but continued. "-—I've been acting kinda strange lately. And it's probably time you know why." She waved her wand over her body, and with a poof…
Cosmo gasped. Wanda's stomach was sticking out! "Aaaaaah! I told you this would happen if you kept eating like you did!"
"No, I don't have a big stomach because I've been eating a lot, I've been eating a lot because I have a big stomach!"
Cosmo stared stupidly, his brain overloaded with little sparks coming out of it, as if he had blown a fuse.
"What I'm trying to say," said Wanda, "is that I'm pregnant!"
Cosmo continued to stare.
"Which means I'm going to have a baby."
Cosmo slapped his hands over his mouth. "Oh my gosh! That means I'm gonna be a daddy! When's it coming out? Is it a boy or a girl? Does it look like me? Does it like cheese? Does it-—"
"SHUT UP!" cried Wanda. Cosmo back away in fear. Wanda sighed again. "Sorry about that, sweetheart. But you know, when people are pregnant, they get irritable. There's something else I have to tell you… the baby's due in two days."
"Wow!" said Cosmo happily. "That was a quick pregnancy!"
"Not really," said Wanda. "I've been pregnant for nine months."
"Nine months?" cried Cosmo. "Is nine more than four?"
"Yes, dear," said Wanda, irritated.
"How come you didn't tell me?" cried Cosmo, his lip quivering.
Wanda threw her hands up in the air. "I didn't want you and Timmy worrying about me. I can take care of myself! And furthermore—" Wanda suddenly winced in pain.
"What is it, lambchop?" asked Cosmo.
"It's time!" she moaned. "The baby's coming out! I'm going to Fairy World!"
"I'm coming too!" said Cosmo happily.
"No, you need to stay here with Timmy!" cried Wanda. "I'll come back as soon as the baby is born!" With that, she poofed off to Fairy World.
Cosmo trembled and bit his fingernails. "Aaaaah! What do I do now? Must—-think—-" Cosmo's brow wrinkled as he tried to think. Finally, he did the only thing he could think off.
"TIMMY! TIMMY! WAKE UP!"
Timmy sat up in bed in shock and tried to push off Cosmo, who was hitting his face. "What is it, Cosmo?"
"Wanda's gone!" cried Cosmo.
"Gone?" shrieked Timmy. "But why? Where did she go?"
"She went to Fairy World. She's gonna have a baby!"
Timmy blinked. Finally he was able to speak. "A BABY? Why didn't she tell me?"
"Hey, she only told me five minutes ago!"
"And she's having it now?"
Cosmo looked scared and frustrated. "I don't know! Her stomach stuck out to here!" he cried, sticking out his arms for reference.
"That's pretty pregnant. How could I have missed that?"
Cosmo looked indignant, if you can imagine that. "We are fairies, you know! We can alter our appearances!" Cosmo suddenly smiled widely. "Hey! I just used two words I didn't even know I knew the meaning off! Alter and appearances!"
Timmy laid back down in bed. "Well, Cosmo, there isn't much we can do about this right now. We'll just have to wait until she comes home, and we can see the baby. Hopefully she'll be here by tomorrow morning." Timmy paused. "I wonder how long it takes for a baby to be born, anyway?"
"Don't ask me!" exclaimed Cosmo.
"I was talking to myself. People often do it in dramatic moments," explained Timmy. He set his head down on the pillow and fell asleep instantly.
Sunday, 10:00 A.M.
Timmy sat in the church pew, fidgeting. Wanda hadn't come back yet. She might be at home now, but it was hard to know for sure. Cosmo, who was disguised as Timmy's tie, kept sighing worriedly.
And as if Timmy didn't have enough to worry about, he kept looking at his mom, whose stomach was noticeably bigger. Timmy sighed. That's what happens when you eat like crazy, he thought…
When they got home, Wanda still wasn't there. Cosmo paced the room while Timmy sat on his bed.
"Wow," said Timmy, sorta to himself and sorta to Cosmo. "So your kid will be like my fairy god brother or god sister. And I didn't even know the words god brother or god sister existed."
Cosmo smiled, temporarily forgetting his worry. "Hey! You just used words you didn't know, too!"
Timmy stood up. "I wanna get something for Wanda. Like, a card or something. I think I'll go to Hallmark and buy one."
"Uh, Timmy, why don't you just wish for a card?" asked Cosmo.
"Well, I could do that, but buying one is more personal," said Timmy.
Cosmo scratched his head. "I thought it was less personal."
"Yeah, maybe I should just make one," muttered Timmy. "Besides, do they even have generic ones? I mean, they usually say, 'It's a boy!' or 'It's a girl!' but I don't know what it'll be yet until I see it!" Timmy paused. "I hope it's a boy, though!"
Cosmo pulled at his hair in frustration. "WHY ISN'T SHE BACK YET?"
"Hmmm…. I have an idea!" cried Timmy. "But it involves talking to my mom. I hope she's in a good mood!"
"Hey Mom!"
Mrs. Turner turned and glared at Timmy. Timmy gulped. "Uh, I'm doing a report about babies being born, and I was wondering if you ever got any books when you were pregnant with me, that I could use for research-—"
"Oh, sure, Timmy!" cried Mrs. Turner, walking to the bookshelf and pulling out about five books, strangely close to the front.
"Thanks, Mom," said Timmy. He looked around. "Hey, where's Dad?"
"I had him chained the wall, but his screams were annoying me, so I chained him in the basement," said Mrs. Turner.
"What did I ever do?" cried Mr. Turner from the basement.
"Uh, thanks Mom, bye!" cried Timmy, running up to his room.
"Okay, according to this, the time a woman is in labor varies greatly, but it is usually somewhere between seven to fourteen hours. And it's been…" Timmy checked his watch. "… eighteen hours since she's left."
Cosmo smacked his head against the wall. "Aaaaaah! What do you think is taking her so long?"
Timmy shrugged. "I don't know. But I seem to remember seeing on movies and stuff that the mom stays in the hospital for awhile after the baby is born, so the baby can get shots and stuff. Do fairies get shots, Cosmo?"
"I don't know!" wailed Cosmo. "Do you expect me to know that?"
"Yeah, you're right," muttered Timmy. He looked back at the book. "Hey, this book says something else, too. 'If someone you know has been gone for eighteen hours or more giving birth, remember that, although uncommon nowadays, women can still die in childbirth'."
"Oh!" said Cosmo happily. "That's a relief."
Timmy nodded, also smiling. "You can say that again."
The two smiled at each other for about four seconds, and then it hit them.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH! DIE IN CHILDBIRTH?"
"I've got to go to Fairy World!" cried Cosmo. "She could be DEAD! And that means she can't make that portrait session we have set up for next week!"
"She could just be in labor for a long time, and remember, if we come and bother her, she probably won't be happy with us!" yelled Timmy. "Look, if she's not here by tomorrow, we can go and check on her, okay?"
Cosmo nodded glumly. "Okay…"
Monday, 7:00 A.M.
Timmy woke with a jolt. "Is she here yet?" he cried. Cosmo was pacing the fishbowl—at least, he was pacing as well as he could considering he was a fish.
"Nooooooooo!" he moaned. "She's probably dead! I need to go see her!"
"Wait, Cosmo! I wanna come too!" cried Timmy. "And I have to go to school today! So, we can go when I get back from school, if she doesn't come home by then."
"What am I supposed to do?" cried Cosmo.
"Uh… play video games until your brain rots?"
Cosmo laughed. "You're so silly, Timmy! You know I can't do that! I don't even have a brain to rot!"
"That's true," admitted Timmy. "Well, I'm going to go get ready for school." He grabbed his clothes and went into the bathroom.
Monday, 3:30 P.M.
Timmy ran out of the school bus, up the stairs, and into his room, not even bothering to say hi to his mom. He couldn't even consider saying hi to his dad, who was still chained up in the basement. Once in his room, he yelled, "Did she come back?"
Cosmo was sitting in the corner, sucking his thumb. He slowly removed his thumb from his mouth and wailed, "Nooooooooooooooooo!"
"Alright, then, we need to go to Fairy World! I wish—-"
POOF!
Timmy and Cosmo turned in shock. Wanda had just poofed in, and she was holding a small bundle!
"AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!" screamed Timmy and Cosmo. Wanda covered her ears. She was finally able to uncover them when the screaming stopped—-Timmy was taking deep breaths, and Cosmo had fainted.
"Timmy!" cried Mrs. Turner. "What are you doing up there?"
"I'm practicing screaming!" gasped Timmy. "In, uh, two different voices!"
"Well, continue practicing!" called Mrs. Turner. "You need lots of work!"
"Actually, don't continue!" cried Wanda. "You'll wake the baby!"
Timmy glared at Wanda. "Alright, what took you so long? Where you really in labor this whole time? Is the baby dead? I mean, what happened?"
"The baby's alive," said Wanda, gazing at the baby in her arms. "And actually, she was born yesterday at about nine A.M."
"Well, then, why didn't you come back till now?" cried Timmy. "And, uh, is it a boy or a girl?"
"It's a girl. That's why I said 'she'," said Wanda. "Come look at her!"
Timmy peered at the baby. Little wisps of white hair stuck out of her head, and her tiny wings fluttered as she slept. Sensing Timmy looking at her, she woke up and stared at him with large, silver eyes.
"She's adorable!" said Timmy, smiling at the tiny fairy. Then he remembered what he had asked before. "What took you so long?"
"I'm sorry, Timmy," said Wanda with an apologetic shrug. "My parents came over as soon as they found out, and then, once I left the hospital, almost every fairy in Fairy World was trying to get her picture!"
"Why?" asked Timmy.
Wanda sighed. "You see, sweetie, fairies are really dying out. This baby here was the first fairy born in nearly three thousand years!"
"Why haven't fairies been having babies?" asked Timmy.
"They've been too busy with their godchildren," said Wanda.
"Oh. Okay," said Timmy. He looked back at the baby. "So what's her name?"
"I haven't named her yet," admitted Wanda. "I wanted Cosmo to help name her."
"Then you might want to wake him up," said Timmy, looking over at the still unconscious Cosmo.
"Oh! Right," said Wanda, poofing up a glass of water and pouring it over Cosmo's head.
"THE MONEY'S BURIED IN THE BACKYARD!" screamed Cosmo. "Uh, I mean, AAAAAAAHHHHHH!"
"Shhh!" cried Wanda. "You don't want to wake our daughter, do you?"
"Our daughter?" said Cosmo. "But—-I thought you were dead!"
Wanda sighed. "For an explanation, read up a few lines when I'm talking to Timmy."
Cosmo read up the page. "Ohhhhhhh!" he cried. "I understand now!"
"That's a first!" cried Timmy.
"Lemme see her!" cried Cosmo, looking at his daughter. "Can I hold her now?"
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" screeched Wanda. Timmy and Cosmo, rather blown away, stared at her.
"Jeez, I've heard that mothers are overprotective of their first child, but that's a little much!" Timmy finally said.
"You know, she's mine too!" pointed out Cosmo.
Wanda looked over at Timmy's nightstand. "Where did you get these books on babies being born, Timmy?"
"Oh, that. Cosmo and I didn't know how long it would take you, so I borrowed these books from my mom. Kinda weird she had them so close to the front of the bookshelf!"
"Well, I'm not surprised!" said Wanda. "You're mom's pregnant!"
"She's WHAT?" screamed Timmy, running downstairs to his mom, who was actually letting his dad out of his chains.
"Mom!" cried Timmy. "Are you pregnant?"
"Oh darn, you figured it out!" cried Mrs. Turner.
"But Mom! I like being an only child!"
"Well, guess what, Timmy?" said Mr. Turner. "We DON'T like you being an only child!"
"Uh, Dad? When did Mom tell you she was pregnant?"
"Last week, why?"
Timmy turned to his mom. "How many months are you?"
"Five," said Mrs. Turner. "Why?"
"Mom! Why didn't you tell us?"
"Because you two are always needlessly worrying about me!" cried Mrs. Turner. "I can take care of myself, you know!"
"I need to go into my room and stare at the ceiling," moaned Timmy, going back upstairs. Cosmo, Wanda, and their daughter had turned into fish and were swimming near the castle.
The baby swam in and out of the castle, enjoying her little game. Cosmo laughed. "Look, Wanda! She's playing in the castle! Let's call her Castle!"
"What kind of a name is Castle?" asked Wanda.
"A good name, actually," said Timmy. "It brings to mind a beautiful, yet refined, girl; a name that can be easily shortened to something like Cassie." Timmy stared at the author. "Why did you make me say that?"
Commander shrugged. "Well, they needed to know what is good about the name Castle!"
"Well, I'm convinced," said Wanda. "Castle it is!"
Castle swam into the castle and fell asleep on the floor.
Timmy looked at Cosmo and Wanda. "Will you two still get to be my fairy godparents?"
"Of course we will," said Wanda reassuringly. "We just won't have as much time to grant your wishes, so lay off the big ones, okay?" Wanda stroked Castle's face, and Castle turned over happily.
Timmy smiled at her. "I sense a sequel."
"Me too!" said Cosmo. He noticed a nickel on the floor of the fishbowl. "Look, a nickel!"
Castle woke up and raced towards it, beating her father. She grabbed the nickel and played with it happily.
"You can definitely tell she's her father's daughter!" said Timmy happily.
THE END… of this story!