Disclaimer: I don't own them, you all know that. This is the last chapter, it's long so fair warning. All medical terms are to the best of my knowledge. Thanks go to my beta reader – you know who you are. Extremely sorry for the length of time taken to finish this fic, but R/L got in the way majorly. So finally, in a fit of sleeplessness I managed to get started again and slowly but surely finished it off. This was an extremely hard chapter to write, as I had no personal experience to draw on and don't know anyone who's been in this situation. So please, enjoy and review, I love reviews. Once again, I'm Australian; we use a different version of the English dictionary here …. Enjoy. Mouse, October 2003.

Impossible Choices 5: A Brothers Anguish and Redemption

By Mouse

Things had finally settled down after a very hectic week for the Tracey family. Scott had come out of his operation to repair the ligaments in his shoulder with flying colours and had now had been discharged but attending physiotherapy twice a day for his shoulder as an outpatient. A cover story of a tourist involved in a minor accident so far held up to scrutiny.

Gordon was awake most of the time now as his back was healing better than they expected, the doctors were so pleased with his progress that he was due to start his physical therapy in two days time.

After some thought, Jeff had decided to temporarily close International Rescue down, he hadn't wanted to but with three out of his five sons injured, he had no choice. Upon being told of what had happened to the boys and Jeff's decision; Lady Penelope had organised a worldwide press release from the publishing firm that they used to answer International Rescue's fan mail. It stated that due to severe injuries obtained during their latest rescue, International Rescue was unable to operate for at least the next two months. The world governments had been quick to issue statements of support, and every single one had stated that with the range of dangerous rescues that they have attended over the years, it was quite lucky that they hadn't had to do this sooner.

Brains had gone up to Thunderbird Five after the announcement was made to collect Alan and they had diverted all calls down to the base. Virgil had finally been able to leave the hospital for long enough to take Thunderbird one home and then had come back in the other Tracey jet. Alan had returned with Virgil and for the first time in a since International Rescue started, all five brothers were together at once.

Virgil had finally managed to take a few minutes away from the hospital and had talked to the police commissioner about the incident. Lucky for him that Police Headquarters in Hobart was directly opposite the Hospital. He told the Commissioner all about the dead man who they only knew as the Hood. How he had tried to murder several members of IR a couple months previously, injuring three them badly at the time, and that he was most likely the one who had shot Scott & Gordon earlier that day during the rescue. Virgil had also stated John was the only uninjured person who could retrieve the IR equipment and the Hood was probably waiting for him to show up alone. He also said that after John lost the rifle he probably pulled the knife in a last ditch effort to save his own life. The commissioner had listened carefully, and had then informed him the ballistics matched the rifle Hood had & not the IR rifle, and agreed about the probability of the knife being a last ditch defence, and that the coroner had ruled the Hood's death as Death by Misadventure, and no charges would be filed. Virgil was extremely pleased with that result as was his father. The Police Commissioner had kept it brief and to the point when talking with Jeff when he arrived at the hospital, and when he left, the matter was finally considered closed for the Tracey Family. Virgil had escorted him out, thanking him again for his efforts and watched him go with a sigh. So far, only Virgil knew what must of have happened, but even that was enough for him to put two and two together and now it was a waiting game.

Waiting for John to wake up, and waiting to see if his memory had been affected.

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The first thing John was really conscious of was warmth.

He was warm.

It was a comforting kind of warmth. One that offered support and unconditional love. A non-judgemental type of warmth. The type of warmth and security that you didn't want to leave. But after a while, a nagging feeling of something important that he'd forgotten began to make its presence known. He had to do something, but what was it? It was important that was for sure. Extremely important, if he could only remember what it was! Frustration began to eat at him, pushing away the warmth that was comforting his soul. Finally after an agonising length of time, it came to him.

His brothers! He had to protect his brothers!

With a groan against the effort it was taking to even open his eyes a tiny little bit, he opened them a fraction and everything was blurry, but he could see dark brown hair leaning over him.

"John, come on Johnny. Time to wake up." The voice was familiar and putting it together with the brown hair and dulcet tones his brain finally caught up as his vision began to clear.

"Virgil?" The figure smiled gently at him.

"The one and only." Relief and joy coloured Virgil's tone as his face came into focus.

"Scott and Gordon?" John managed to croak. Virgil's head moved away and another dark haired figure took its place, smiling down at him.

"Hey John." John took a moment to process the change in faces above him but then he caught up again. Relief at seeing Scott standing over him filled his soul.

"Scott. Are you okay?" Scott smiled, grasping John's hand in his.

"I'm fine, thanks to you. As is Gordon. He'd be here as well but he's not allowed to move about just yet. There are a few other people here that want to say hello as well." John blinked and his eyes moved around the room but a more immediate concern came first.

"Thirsty…" A straw in a glass of water was immediately at his lips, John not really seeing the hand holding it. John opened his lips slightly and began to drink.

"Slowly John, the nurses said only a little at a time." The young sounding voice clicked and John turned his eyes to the hands holding the glass. He let go of the straw once he'd drank a little, now he was really confused. His eyes travelled up finally reaching the face behind the voice and hands.

"Alan? What are you doing here?" John's voice sounded stronger now, but still was a shadow of it's former self. Alan grinned down at his brother, not showing the shock he felt at how bad John looked, but relief at seeing him awake colouring everything.

"Well, since the three of you decided to go and get yourselves banged up, Father said we could all have a holiday and here I am."

"Who's minding the store?" The three brothers standing around his bed all laughed softly at him and Virgil looked over Scott's shoulder down at John.

"Brains and Tin-tin are back on the island. Father's closed down International Rescue temporarily. They'll be over later to see how you're going." John nodded slightly, his eyes dropping.

"Tired." Scott squeezed his hand and smiled down at him.

"Its okay, we'll be here when you wake up John. We love you." John didn't hear him as he'd fallen asleep.

The three brothers looked down at his sleeping form and they shared a smile with each other. Seeing John injured like this was something that hadn't happened before to them and they found themselves studying him intently. Finally Alan gave a small sigh and looked at his two older brothers with a slight smile.

"You know, we all depend on each other so much, but sometimes I think we forget how much we take John for granted up on Thunderbird Five. He's always there for us when ever we need him." Scott nodded, stroking John's hair gently, careful of the bandage at the back of his head. Scott's voice was slightly unsure but warm when he spoke. The white material of the sling on his arm contrasting drastically against his light blue shirt.

"We tend to forget about him sometimes don't we guys. He's the one we can always rely on to put us on the straight and narrow when we've got a problem or stop us from doing something monumentally stupid."

"He's always the voice of calm and reason to, especially in the middle of a rescue. I mean, take a few months ago in the outback, he managed to keep his cool when everything was happening, and even had a good idea with tagging The Hood." Scott nodded at Virgil's words.

"At least The Hood isn't a problem for us any more. Poor John though, The Hood must have snuck up on him or something." Virgil kept his theory on what happened to John to himself. Alan looked over at them and frowned.

"I did tell him that The Hood was approaching him, but he must not have gotten out in time." Scott shrugged.

"Well, until he's awake again and more aware, we won't know what happened, if that." Alan nodded and they stood there watching him sleep for a little while.

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The next few days passed quickly. Gordon started his physiotherapy, letting Alan help him with it. Scott's therapy was going well and the doctors advised he'd be able to take the sling off within two weeks. Virgil spent as much time as he could with John, reading to him and keeping him company. John slowly improved until he was now staying awake for a few hours at a time and more conscious of his surroundings.

It was late afternoon one day when Virgil was finally able to chat to John without the risk of anyone over hearing him. Scott had taken their grandmother and his father into the city to do some shopping and get them out of the hospital. Alan was off with Gordon helping him with his therapy so that left Virgil to sit with John.

John was awake and sitting up finally. He was still getting slight headaches but was feeling better. His broken bones were healing fine; Alan had joked that now whenever they sang the song 'Them bones' they'd always picture John in traction like he was at the moment. Virgil walked into the room from where he'd gone down to the kiosk to get some magazines for John to read. The hospital had left them in the secure wing but had moved John and Gordon in together, making it easier for the family to be with each other.

"Hey John, how are you feeling?" John looked up and managed a small smile for him. Since he'd been awake he'd been saying he didn't remember anything that had happened but somehow Virgil knew that John wasn't telling them everything. Virgil sat down in the chair next to him and smiled.

"I'm a little better thanks Virgil. At least today I can string more than two words together and actually see whom I'm talking to. The last few days have been weird to say the least." Virgil smiled at him as he settled himself in the chair. Even though John had been improving, he'd only just been able to focus clearly on his family and the nursing staff over the last day or so. John absently tried to scratch his hand covered in the plaster but couldn't and he sighed in frustration. His headache had also finally gone, which was a relief for the doctors as they had been worried about possible damage. "This is driving me nuts though." Virgil laughed.

"It's only been a few days John, give it time. You're only just aware enough now to notice it." John sighed and looked at Virgil.

"I know, it's just that I don't like being laid up like this."

Virgil smiled at his brother and studied him in silence for a moment. John noticed this and looked at him.

"What is it Virgil?" Virgil sighed, wondering how to broach the subject with John.

"Just wondering how you were doing, that's all." Virgil was at a loss on how to talk to John about this. But then John spoke, his voice soft, before he could even begin to figure out how to frame his words.

"Scott said you came and found me." Virgil nodded, wondering where John was going with this.

"Yes. Alan was getting a tad frantic when he couldn't raise you on the communicators. I got back here with Father and Grandma and made sure Scott and Gordon were okay, but we didn't know about you." John stared at the wall, not meeting Virgil's eyes.

"He was there to, wasn't he?" There could be no doubt that John meant The Hood.

"Yes, he was." John paused, his eyes not leaving the blank wall across from him.

"Dead?" Virgil was amazed at how matter of fact John's voice was right now.

"Yes." John sighed and finally looked at Virgil. When his eyes met Virgil's finally, it was all Virgil could do not to flinch and look away. John's eyes looked like they were dead, lifeless. Like John had died inside. Worry began to fill Vigil but he pushed it aside to try and concentrate on John's words. "I killed him, didn't I?" Virgil shook his head vehemently.

"No. As far as the Police and I can tell, you two fought and fell down an embankment. You hit your head; he broke his neck. The coroner has already ruled it death by misadventure. You didn't kill anyone John. He killed himself by coming after you. By coming after all of us" John was silent while he thought over Virgil's words. Virgil found himself almost unconsciously holding his breath while he waited for John's next words. The silence stretched out between them for a few minutes. Finally John spoke his voice sounding almost dead.

"But it's still my fault." Virgil stared at him, aghast at his words.

"And how do you figure that John?" Virgil was hoping that John didn't remember exactly what had happened between the two of them. But his hopes were about to be dashed. John's tone took on a harsh quality, hard as steel.

"When I went back to the rescue site, I went back armed. I was going to kill him Virgil. I was going to stop him once and for all from hurting my family. Over the last five months he has attacked every single one of you and I couldn't stand to see that any more. I stood there, I had him in my sights, but I couldn't fire." Virgil didn't know what to say so he stayed silent. John's voice became softer, unsure. "I went and confronted him. I goaded him, deliberately goaded him to attack me." Virgil couldn't stay silent and blurted out the first thing that occurred to him, totally shocked to the core by what John was saying.

"John, what were you thinking? You know you're not as good a fighter as Scott or Gordon. They're the ones with the military experience." John stared at him, his eyes troubled, his next words practically exploded from him, his voice cracking with emotion.

"I don't know what I was thinking okay! I just wanted him to stop! He attacked me and we fought. Next thing I know is that he's lying on top of me trying to stab me through the heart with my knife. We rolled around in the dirt in the dark; I remember falling but the knife hitting something soft…. And then next thing I knew your standing over me asking me if I'm okay. I killed him Virgil. As sure as you're sitting here right here and now, I killed him." Those last few words came out at barely a whisper.

Virgil didn't know what to say for a moment and then he reached over and grasped John's hand tightly in his. No matter what he had to make John understand.

"John I want you to listen carefully to me. You defended yourself against a madman. You protected yourself, and your family. You didn't kill anyone. It was his choice and his choice alone to attack you, no one else's." John's eyes looked like they wanted to deny what Virgil was saying but his heart was saying something else entirely.

"But I goaded him Virgil! I wanted him to attack me! I wanted it to end." John's voice cracked with the emotions he was feeling. Virgil shook his head.

"Look, that may be the case but do you remember what you just said to me?"

"Which bit?" John was looking confused.

"You said you had him in your sights but couldn't fire on him. Now, are those the actions of a person that's killed someone? I don't think so." Virgil stared John in the eyes, trying to make his brother believe the words he was saying. "John, all those months ago, you said to us that what Scott and I were planning to do in the outback was murder, pure and simple. But we had to face him then like you had to do the other day. You took the initiative to try and save us all, just like Scott and I tried to back then. But you succeeded in stopping him, for once and for all." Virgil was praying that John would understand.

"But he's dead Virgil, I killed him. I mean, I must have! The knife was mine! I remember feeling it go into something soft. It must have been him some how." Virgil looked at John, trying to decide could his brother handle the truth. Deciding that it was better him knowing now rather than later Virgil continued. But there was no way he was going to tell John the whole truth.

"I found a knife, that's true." John looked at him, waiting. "It had found its way into The Hood's body but it didn't kill him. He died of his injuries, a broken neck." John looked at him, confused.

"Where was it?" Virgil smiled gently at John, putting all the effort he could into the small white lie he was about to tell his brother.

"No where it would have killed him, it was in his shoulder." John suddenly looked relieved and leaned back, closing his eyes. Virgil instinctively knew that the little white lie was justified. Anything to get John to understand and see reason.

"So it wasn't my knife that did it." John's voice sounded relieved.

"No. It was the fall. And from what I can tell when I got there, we were dam lucky you didn't kill yourself either." John just nodded and opened his eyes. Virgil was pleased to see that they didn't look so dead now.

"Thank you for telling me Virgil. That couldn't have been easy for you." The selflessness and love that his middle brother had for them all once again amazed Virgil. He laughed softly and grinned slightly at him.

"John, you absolutely take the cake you know. Here I am, trying to cheer you up and comfort you and make you feel better, and you say thank you to me for telling you." Virgil chuckled and John blushed slightly, his eyes finally having a little bit of life back in them.

"What can I say? Hopeless case I guess." That set Virgil off into a fit of the giggles that didn't stop even when the nurse came in to check on John. Hopefully, things would be okay now, Virgil thought. John had been able to laugh a little. Maybe things weren't so bad for his brother after all.

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The Tracey clan had finally left the Royal Hobart Hospital two weeks later. Gordon's back was healing nicely and Alan had been taught all the exercises that he would need to have help with Gordon's rehabilitation. Scott had finally gotten rid of the sling and was pronounced clear to do light duties only, and was given more exercises to continue to strengthen his shoulder. The doctors told him that if he kept up with the exercises and they were pleased with his progress, he could return to normal full on duties within three weeks. John's prognosis was good as well; his leg had set nicely as well as his wrist. The head wound caused him no more problems other than the occasional headache, but the doctors assured him that they would stop soon. The various cuts and bruises had healed up and apart from the plaster on his leg, and the brace on his wrist, he looked fine. Except being a little paler than usual but that could be attributed to the blood loss and trauma he had gone through. Dr Merry had let them go on the proviso that he came and checked up on them once a week for the next four weeks. He readily accepted Jeff's condition of being blindfolded for the trip there and back; understanding the need for secrecy was paramount. So Virgil arranged to come and collect every Wednesday for the next four weeks in the Tracey's private jet.

The ambulance pulled up next to the Tracey Jet at Hobart's airport and the doors opened. Gordon and John were helped out by Alan and Virgil respectively. Gordon walked onto the plane with Alan supporting him. John was in a wheelchair still and Virgil and Scott carried him up into the jet. He hated feeling this useless but understood he wasn't strong enough to have crutches yet. Once they were all settled and the ambulance had left, Scott took the controls, with Tin-Tin as his co-pilot. She'd flown Grandma back to the island a few days ago, so that she could get the boys rooms ready for them and prepare a welcome home feast.

John was still quiet and slept a little more than normal. Gordon was feeling a lot better and had soon returned to his sunny, mischievous self. Driving the nursing staff to distraction. Before he had left, Jeff had presented Dr Merry with a cheque for $5 million dollars, to help with their research and also completion of a new wing. Dr Merry had been lost for words and had initially tried to refuse it, but Jeff had quietly pointed out that it was a donation from Tracey Enterprises, something that couldn't be turned down. With a grateful smile, he had accepted it. Jeff had been really impressed with Dr Merry, and after speaking with him for a little while, Dr Merry joined the growing list of International Rescue agents around the globe.

Soon they were winging their way across the Pacific Ocean, luckily Australia wasn't that far from Tracey Island and the trip wasn't that long in the jet. Gordon and Alan were chatting away like nothing had happened, discussing Brains latest plans for a new fire fighting vehicle. Scott and Tin-Tin were chatting softly in the cockpit, catching up. John and Virgil sat at the back of the plan, Jeff sitting in front with Gordon. Virgil looked over to see John staring out the window. He reached over and gently put his hand on his shoulder and smiled.

"Hey John, you okay?" John turned around and looked at Virgil and Virgil was pleased to see that John's eyes had finally stopped looking so haunted. But there was a sorrow and remorse in their blue depths that wasn't there before. John gave Virgil a small smile.

"Yeah, I'm okay. Just tired I guess. Glad to be going home though." Virgil grinned at him.

"It'll be good to get home." John just nodded and looked back out the window.

"Yeah, it will." He muttered softly.

A few hours later and they were all settled back into their house. John had pleaded fatigue of the trip and had gone straight to bed. Alan and Gordon had retired to the pool to begin Gordon's daily exercises and the rest of the family was in the lounge, chatting softly. Jeff had quizzed John on what had happened and was satisfied that the family could now finally relax and forget about The Hood once and for all. Scott and Virgil were talking softly and had moved out onto the balcony, carefully closing the door behind them.

Scott looked at Virgil and knew that something was bothering him. The two of them were so close it was like sometimes they were almost telepathic. After a few minutes of silence Scott turned to Virgil and grinned slightly at him.

"Okay, what's the matter? Ever since you've gotten back with John to the hospital the other week, something's been bothering you." Virgil nodded, knowing that it was probably futile trying to keep something from Scott.

"Yeah, it has."

"What is it? Is it what you found when you found John?" Virgil thought a moment.

"Yeah, it is. Also, it's what I've done afterwards that's troubling me." Scott looked at him, the smile fading from his face.

"What do you mean?" Virgil sighed and ran a hand through his hair, something he didn't normally do. Scott just waited, knowing Virgil would continue in his own time.

"I lied to John." Scott frowned slightly, his brow furrowing.

"You lied to him, how? And why?" Virgil closed his eyes a moment and then opened them, looking over the water, drinking in the peacefulness and calmness that it was projecting. Speaking softly he spoke.

"I told John that the knife landed in The Hood's shoulder, not his chest like it did. And that it was the fall that killed him. Which is true, the coroner confirmed that the fall killed him. But I know if the fall hadn't, the knife wound would have."

"Why did you tell John that?" Virgil's voice almost broke when he spoke again.

"Oh Scott, you didn't see his eyes. It was like he died inside. He wasn't our brother; it was like there was a corpse pretending to be John. I had to do something, anything to get him back. Scott I've never been so afraid for one of our brothers in my entire life. He just wasn't there. He wasn't John." Virgil's voice trailed off to a whisper. "It wasn't John." Scott looked at Virgil in shock and thought things over for a few moments and then nodded slowly. He understood John's quiet behaviour now. It all made sense to him.

"That explains how come John's been so quiet. I mean more than normal for him. This whole situation hasn't been good for him." Suddenly a voice pipped up and the two eldest brothers looked up, startled.

"Did I hear my name taken in vain." They looked up as John rolled himself out onto the balcony. The wheelchair he was using was silent so they hadn't heard him approaching. Scott studied his brother for a moment and saw what Virgil was talking about. John's eyes looked older, older than Father's did right now. Virgil grinned slightly at him.

"Yeah, we were trying to figure out which of your numerous lady friends is going to be taken in by your helpless act." John managed a tiny grin and stuck his tongue out at Virgil, which caused them both to laugh softly. John closed the door behind him and moved over to be near Scott and Virgil. He sighed and looked at them both, a long suffering expression as well as wry acceptance on his face.

"Let me guess, you're talking about what happened, aren't you?" Both Scott and Virgil had the grace to look embarrassed. Finally Scott bit the bullet.

"Yeah, we are." Scott sat down, bringing him onto eye level with John and continued. "We are really worried about you Johnny, really worried." John gave an exasperated sigh.

"Look I'm fine Scott, really. You and Gordon are fine. I'm healing; he's dead. End of story. We can get on with our lives now." Scott shared a quick glance with Virgil and knew that they had both caught the undercurrent in John's voice. His words had all the feeling of a rote answer and it wasn't enough any more for the two eldest brothers.

Scott leaned over and put his hand on John's, squeezing it tight.

"John, no one could have gone through what you did and shrug it off. For heavens sake you saw Gordon and I get shot. You had to deal with that, then had to leave us to get the rescue gear, and then fought The Hood. You are not fine John, so don't give me any of that crap." John looked surprised at his brother's words and frowned slightly. Virgil leaned over and put his hand on John's knee.

"Scott's right John. You need to talk about this." John looked at them both, frowning.

"I don't need to talk about this alright, I'm fine." Scott shook his head.

"Your not fine John. That's bullshit and you know it." John looked over at Scott in surprise, Scott rarely used profanity. Scott stared at him, trying to get him to understand. "John, even the most hardened person needs to let what he's feeling out sometime. And I am not letting you leave this island to go back to your hideaway in the sky before I'm satisfied your fine. I don't care what father will say, if I don't think your fine, your not going anywhere." Both Virgil and John looked at Scott, stunned by the vehemence of his words. John frowned.

"But Scott, if anything, you and Gordon are the ones that need to talk, you're the one's that got shot." Scott nodded in agreement.

"That's true, and we both have. We've both spoken to Virgil together and separately about the whole thing. And we've spoken to father as well. But you, you haven't said two words about the whole thing, except for the little bit you told Virgil when you first woke up." Scott sighed slightly. "You've even barely spoke to father about it, and he would understand more than I think you know." John shook his head.

"Look Scott, I appreciate what you're trying to do, I really do. But I'm fine." Scott shook his head, frustrated at his brother's stubbornness. So, he changed tact and leaned back in his chair, giving his younger brother's a tiny smile.

"I swear this family will give me an ulcer before the years out, seriously." Virgil snorted and stood up, moving over to the side table and pouring them all drinks.

"Yeah, right. If anything you're going to give us the ulcers right John?" John looked slightly confused and then nodded, falling into play with them, giving Virgil a tiny smile.

"Oh yeah. Mister 'I can do anything' likes to scare the crap out of me during rescues. Both of you do actually. All four of you are as bad as each other." Virgil handed Scott the glass of juice and then John his. The two eldest then turned and both gave their middle brother identical looks of innocence. John just shook his head, grinning slightly. Scott winked at Virgil over John's head and spoke softly after sipping his juice.

"I've just realised something, something I don't think I was willing to admit to myself, to any of you actually. About what happened to us all." Both Virgil and John looked at him, concerned.

"What was that Scott?" As always, Virgil was the one to pick up on Scott's moods and feelings easily. Scott looked down at the glass in his hand and then back up at his brothers.

"I was scared. Really scared." John frowned, cocking his head slightly to one side as if seeing his brother in a new light.

"How so Scott? You've never been scared of anything or anyone." Scott nodded and then continued softly, his words measured and careful. Virgil let him speak, having heard Scott talk about his feelings the other day while Scott and he had been sitting down at the Hobart docks enjoying a quiet drink in a local pub. It had taken a little while, plus a few whisky's, to get Scott to open up but it had been worth it, as at the end of the long and often heart wrenching conversation, Scott was clearer about some things than he had been for a long time.

"I was scared I was going to loose Gordon and then you, all thanks to that monster. And that I hadn't told you lately how much you both mean to me." John could see how hard it was for Scott to admit that and he stayed silent, respecting his brother's words. "I love each and every one of you guys, even if you do drive me to distraction sometimes. But it's hard for me to say that sometimes. I have to be strong for everyone, all the time and sometimes that's not easy. Especially the last few months. But you've all surprised me in different ways." Virgil kept watching John, knowing that most of this was for him. But it was interesting to hear what Scott was saying.

"How so Scott? I know you were impressed with Gordon back in the Australian outback, but what else do you mean?" Virgil looked at Scott in interest as well. Scott just smiled gently at John.

"Well, think about it. Gordon isn't the most responsible one of us, is he?" John smiled slightly. He and their red-haired little brother were as close as Scott and Virgil were. He knew that the resident joker had a depth of soul that he didn't show his other brothers. Their long late night chats that they shared were something John cherished.

"You'd be surprised there Scott. He's grown up a lot lately." Scott nodded in agreement.

"I know Virgil. And I've been giving him more and more responsibility on rescue's and stuff. Now, if that new found maturity could only rub off on Alan." John glanced over the balcony rail at the scene below them. Gordon was with Alan in the pool doing his physiotherapy. John smiled slightly to himself.

"Oh, I think it's been brought home to Alan as well. He's grown up a lot as well Scott. But it's good to have a kid around all the time. Makes life interesting." Virgil snorted into his drink and Scott grinned at John. John's eyes hadn't left Gordon though and he continued speaking, almost as if to himself.

"I was so scared for him you know. Even more than when he had his accident. At least when that happened we didn't see all the blood that was there. And there was a lot of blood wasn't there Scott?" John's eyes hadn't left Gordon who was now mucking around in the pool with Alan.

"Yes, there was John." Scott answered his brother softly, knowing that somehow he'd finally gotten through to John and John was talking.

"And then you. I almost curled up and died right there you know." John's voice was getting softer and more hesitant as he spoke. Virgil just looked at Scott who shook his head. They had to let John get it all out of his system. "You've always been the strong one Scott and then to see you lying on the ground, bleeding like that but your last words were to look after Gordon. That's so typical of you Scott." Scott just shrugged and Virgil grinned at him but they both kept silent. Now they had John talking they didn't want him to stop. "I didn't think I was going to ever get the blood off my hands you know. By the time we got back to the site and the ambulances, it was all over me. Mostly Gordon's but some of yours to Scott. I kept thinking how red it was. And how rich it smelt. That's weird isn't it, the one thing that stands out is how it smelt. You wouldn't think blood smelled, but it does." John fell quiet for a few minutes and the three eldest brothers sat there in silence. Finally Virgil stirred, knowing he had to say something.

"When John told me what happened, it was all I could do to not land Thunderbird Two then and there and come racing over to help. But I knew I couldn't do anything. If it wasn't for you John, I would have done something stupid I think." John turned his head slightly and looked at Virgil, frowning.

"Me? How so?" Virgil gave a tiny, wry smile.

"I was so afraid for all three of you down there. And then knowing I couldn't come down to help was so hard. But you took charge John really well. It was like you were channelling Scott or something." This got a snort from Scott and a tiny laugh from John.

"To tell the truth Virgil I was just as scared as you. But I thought what would Scott do in this situation and did what I thought was best." John looked away, this time out over the ocean. "And that turned out really well now didn't it…. I don't know what I was thinking." Scott leaned forward, his expression concerned but warm and loving.

"You were thinking that you had to protect your family John. Just like I was all those months ago in the Australian outback." Scott glanced at Virgil and then back at John. "Virgil and I both had to try to stop him then. Just like you had to stop him this time. Only you succeeded in stopping him."

"But I killed him Scott!" Scott shook his head and then smiled gently at John.

"He killed himself John. By coming after us time after time after time it finally got too much for him and he went to far." John couldn't meet his brother's eyes.

"I goaded him." Scott looked at Virgil in alarm and Virgil just shook his head, mouthing 'later' at him. Scott nodded but continued frowning.

"What do you mean John?"

"I went back to Thunderbird One after you guys were taken away in the ambulances and I armed myself. I went back to the rescue site and then ignored Alan's warnings to get away. I stayed there deliberately to get him to come after me. I set myself up high in the rocks, taking aim at him with the rifle. When he came into the clearing I had him there in my sights. But I couldn't fire. I couldn't make myself take his life." Scott was shocked to his core. His quietest, sweetest brother was telling him that he was trying to deliberately kill a man. This wasn't John, it wasn't. He opened his mouth to speak but Virgil shook his head.

"But you didn't John. You told me in the hospital that you couldn't bring yourself to pull the trigger that's what counts. You didn't do it."

"I know. But then I stepped out and goaded him. Told him that Scott and Gordon were still alive, that we were always prepared for him. That he'd never beat us. I think that's what did it. He just seemed to loose control and came at me. But I was ready for him and got in one or two good shots. We fought and ended up on the ground." John gulped and then continued softly, his eyes going to his brothers below them in the pool. It was like the sight of them was giving him the strength to continue speaking. "Next thing I knew he had my knife, I must have reached for it in the confusion and I was trying to stop him driving it into my chest." Scott blanched, as did Virgil, John's clinical sounding description of the fight wasn't helping their nerves any. "I had my eyes on his hands the whole time. They were rough and gnarled like he'd worked the land or something. I just remember how close they were to my chest. I had my hands on his wrists, but he was strong. And then… then the ground gave way beneath us and we fell down. The last thing I remember is the knife entering something soft and then next thing I knew, Virgil's kneeling over me and I'm cold, wet and the grounds hard. Then all I remember is the hospital." John finally looked over at his brothers and both of them were stunned at how hurt and full of sorrow his eyes were. "That's what happened. I've never been so scared in my entire life. Even when Gordon was hurt and then the two of you shot, nothing compared to the fear I felt when I was fighting him. I could literally feel the hatred for us coming off him in waves. I felt like my blood was freezing in my veins and my skin was trying to crawl away from his touch." John inadvertently shivered with the memory of it all. "I've never felt so alone, and so afraid in my entire life. I thought I wasn't going to see any of you ever again. I couldn't bare that, I couldn't be alone again." John lowered his head, staring at his hands. Scott and Virgil exchanged concerned glances and then both moved to sit beside him. Scott put his hand on John's knee and Virgil covered Scott's hand with his.

"Your never alone John. You'll never be alone as long as we are here." Scott smiled gently at his brother. "You may be by yourself all that time up in Thunderbird Five, but your never far from our thoughts and hearts. We'll always be here for you John, come rain or shine." Virgil grinned at John.

"Besides, someone has to keep Gordon under control. Your about the only one of us that manages that."

"Yeah John. I may be the eldest but when was the last time Gordon listened to me about anything." Virgil's lighthearted complaint and Scott's agreived tone did more to reassure John than any words and he reluctantly raised his head to find his two older brothers grinning like a pair of idiots at him, their eyes full of love and understanding. It was that love that he saw that was the final straw for him and suddenly, he began to cry. Great tearing sobs came from him, tears streamed down his face as the wall he'd placed around his thoughts and feelings finally came tumbling down. As one, Scott and Virgil both embraced him, murmurring soft reassurances and their love for him. They wayJohn clung to both of them showed that finally they had broken through the front that he showed everyone. Soon, tears were flowing down both Virgil and Scott's eyes. Tears for the loss of innocence that their quiet brother had gone through and tears for themselves. They knew that their softly spoken, quiet and soulful brother would never be quiet the same again, but they would be with him while he worked it all out. While they worked it all out, together.

This special family would come to terms with what happened to them, slowly, surely and with love and understanding, they would prevail. And the bonds between the brothers would become stronger as well. Together, they could face anything.

The End.

Well, there it is. I'm truly sorry this has taken me a long time to finish this story but as I stated, it was hard, in fact the hardest story I've ever written so far for Thunderbirds. I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. Please review, I live for your reviews!