Blessings and Curses

After we decided to move to Forks, Alice began having the visions.

They were only flashes, really; brief fuzzy images of me with a dark-haired young woman. We appeared to be outside, in an open area surrounded by trees; a meadow of some sort. The closer we came to the move the clearer the details of the meadow became, until I was sure I would be able to find it.

Alice said nothing about my decision to search for it, just smiled widely and bounced a little. We had an unspoken agreement not to mention the visions. I couldn't bear the thought of Carlisle and Esme's delight, Jasper's pleased empathy, Emmett's teasing, Rosalie's jealous rancor. It was hard enough dealing with Alice's thinly concealed excitement. So after the first one I decided to ask her not to talk to anyone about them, even me. She had nodded in response to the vision my decision gave her, her face solemn but her eyes so joyful that I smiled in return, even as I felt badly for making her keep silent about something that made her this happy. It was just until I met my mate, though. After I met her I could handle everyone's reactions with equanimity. Surely if Alice was seeing us together it wouldn't take long to find her?

The day after we moved I began my search. I looked mostly at night, or other times when all the couples were occupied, because I didn't want anyone to wonder what I was doing. At dawn on the fifth day, I finally found it.

It was beautiful: small, perfectly round, filled with wildflowers, distant birdsong, and the burble of water. I was crushed by disappointment, though, because the meadow was empty of what, or rather who, I most wanted to see.

It had been irrational to hope that she would be there. I knew that, but I was longing to meet her. I had never realized how lonely I was, but now that I knew I would find her I felt as though I was suffocating under the full weight of my eighty-four years of unmated vampire existence.

I lay in the center of the meadow for over an hour, uncaring of the misty air that eventually soaked my clothes and hair, dreaming of the day that my mate would be there with me.

Time passed with excruciating slowness. As the days went by, though, Alice's visions grew in length and clarity. I grew familiar with the curve of my mate's waist, the way she would gently run her hand over my face and into my hair, how she looked laying next to me with her head pillowed on my chest, the movement of her hair when she turned her head, the smallness of her slender frame next to mine. Even though I had never seen her face I was certain I would know her anywhere.

I spent countless hours in the meadow, thinking of her. It troubled me that she was out in the world unprotected. I knew my sisters and mother well enough to know she most likely could take care of herself, but I also knew my brothers and father well enough to know it was natural to desire to protect your mate. I looked forward to the day when I would have the privilege of protecting her. I also worried that she wouldn't be a vegetarian. As far as I knew, only our family and the Denalis abstained from human blood. If she fed traditionally, I hoped she wouldn't have a difficult time making the transition.

But mostly I wondered about more pleasant things. What was her name? When had she been changed? What books did she like, and music? What made her laugh, or sad or angry? I longed to learn everything about her. I wished Alice's visions would allow me to see her face; the few where her features were visible were blurry, like I was looking into a mirror fogged up by the heat of the shower. If only it was possible to swipe the condensation away and see her clearly! I knew she was beautiful; I just wanted to see her.

Alice shared my impatience. She had begun to see visions of herself with my mate, the two of them best of friends, and was eager for their friendship to begin.

One day it occurred to me that just because Alice saw me with my mate in Forks didn't mean that I met her here. I thought about leaving to look for her, but that made the visions vanish. Alice came running, mentally demanding to know what I had done and ordering me to change my mind. Panicked, I made the decision to stay; both of us heaving a sigh of relief when the visions reappeared.

Clearly, I needed to wait here for her. I would wait forever for her, but I wished that I wouldn't need to wait even one more second.

Sometimes I wondered if my own desperate, contradictory feelings would drive me mad.

Jasper had begun giving me odd looks, unsure how to interpret the emotions he was feeling from me. I spent more and more time out of the house, either in the meadow or simply running, and fought the inclination to despair. Why was it taking so long? This school year was half over and next year I would graduate and be expected to go off to college. My time here was limited. When would she come?

My growing sense of urgency made me struggle with thoughts that frightened me. What if something happened to her and one day Alice's visions just… stopped? What if in the end, I never met her? How would I ever bear the emptiness of my life, having seen the glimpses of us together and the happiness on my own face?

School, always boring, was now intolerable. Why was I wasting my time with these human children when I should be out of here, somewhere, anywhere that she could find me? It wasn't like I was going to find her at Forks High!

I slouched in my chair in the cafeteria, not bothering to pretend to eat, trying to block out the insipid human minds around me. I'd heard the new girl's name and seen her face in countless minds today. It was maddening. While the thoughts that bombarded me were never very interesting, they usually had at least some variation. The fixation on this girl due to no quality of her own, merely due to her novelty, was ridiculous.

I could see her looking at us from the other side of the room, her shoulders hunched forward as if she were cold, or uncomfortable. Perhaps she didn't like being the center of attention. I pitied her, if so. She would be the center of attention for a long time in this town.

Our eyes met for a moment, then she turned her head to give her attention to whatever Jessica was saying, her hair sliding over her shoulder and down her back in a way that was completely familiar.

I froze.

That was… very strange. How odd that the human girl's hair should be like my mate's. I looked at Alice to see if she'd noticed, but her attention was fixed on Jasper.

Huh. I tried to shake off the unease I felt, staring sightlessly at my untouched food. It was just hair. There probably were countless women whose hair slid over their shoulder the exact same way. Just because I knew my mate was unique didn't mean her hair was.

Emmett kicked my chair as he passed me, startling me out of my reverie. The cafeteria was beginning to empty out. As I disposed of my tray I wondered darkly how many more times in my limitless existence I would need to suffer through Biology. Oh well, I thought. Only two more periods and then I'd be free to look for my mate once more.

.0

Seven minutes and twenty-two seconds later I was calculating how rapidly I could slaughter my teacher and classmates and exactly how much time that would give me to enjoy the girl's blood. She tilted her head to hide behind her hair and I was drowning in venom.

It wouldn't be enough.

If I grabbed her and jumped out the window I could run into the forest and have longer with her.

"Edward, stop!" Alice shrieked in my head.

I ignored her, shifting to balance my legs on the balls of my feet, tensing in preparation for my leap. Mr. Banner glanced around the room then stopped, looking at me oddly. "Edward, are you all right?"

Of course, that meant most of the children in the room started looking at me and I forced down the growl that wanted to rip from my chest.

"Edward!"

"Do you need to go to the nurse?" Mr Banner continued.

"Edward! Edward, don't!" Alice's mental voice sounded like she was crying, and that was enough to shake me a tiny bit out of my bloodlust, enough to try to resist. I looked down at my hands, one on my thigh and the other wrapped around the edge of the lab table, and desperately fought the urge to inhale.

"Look, Edward, please look! Please!"

It was one of the visions, one where my arm was wrapped around my mate, her long hair flowing over it like a silky waterfall. I'd seen it a hundred times before. The only difference was this time I could see our faces.

Her throat was ripped open and my eyes glowed crimson with her blood. I watched in horror as I slowly licked it from the corner of my mouth, savoring it.

Her eyes were wide, staring at nothing.

My hands involuntarily clenched and next to me the girl's head shot up. Her scent whooshed towards me.

Pretend illness, I ordered myself, frantic with the need to get away from her. Even knowing who she was – and how could that even be? I knew I deserved punishment but it was so unexpectedly vicious that I barely knew how to react, whether to scream or cry or both it was both it was both – even knowing I still wanted to drink her dry.

She was staring at me now, a small furrow growing between her brows. Her eyes flicked to the table.

I slapped a hand over my mouth three entire seconds slower than I should have and lurched toward the door. "Sick," I rasped at Mr Banner.

"Yes, yes, go to the nurse!" the man exclaimed, practically throwing a hall pass at me.

I fled straight to Carlisle.

.0

Epilogue

Alice waited outside the gym until the girl emerged, receiving a startled glance when she fell into step beside her.

"Hi," she said cheerfully. "Bella, right? I'm Alice. My brother texted me about what happened in Biology. I hope he didn't freak you out."

"No, I'm fine," Bella replied automatically, then blurted out, "What was that anyway? What happened?"

"He got sick," Alice explained, her tone a carefully calculated blend of blithe and dismissive. "It happens sometimes; we all have weird medical issues, but they're not contagious or anything. He'll be fine; he's just concerned he upset you."

"Sick," Bella repeated doubtfully, then fell silent. Her heart rate inexplicably increased.

Alice instinctively scanned the future but didn't see anything alarming. "What is it?"

Bella was looking ahead at the doors to the parking lot, biting her lip. After a moment she took a deep breath and slanted a quick look at her. "Someone should probably fix the table."

Alice stopped in her tracks.

"Bye, Alice," she said with a surprising degree of self-possession, and kept walking.

The tiny vampire anxiously scanned the future again.

Bella was going to sit with them at lunch the next day.

By the end of next week Edward would be sitting next to her. When she wasn't looking he would be wearing one of the sappiest lovesick looks she'd ever seen on a man's face.

Jasper appeared next to her. "Well?" he demanded.

Alice took his hand, twirled under his arm, and laughed.

A/N: I've been idly thinking about how I wanted to expand this one for a while (read: an embarrassing number of years) and last week I was finally inspired to do it. Hoping my exhaustion and illness-spawned writer's block is going to FINALLY ease up, but I guess we'll see. Hope you enjoyed!