This chapter takes place the morning after the "The Ember Island Players" episode.

Chapter One

Something was off. Zuko could tell. That ridiculous propaganda play last night had gotten to them all, but Aang seemed the most disheartened. He wouldn't even meet Katara's eyes when she served him breakfast, which he only picked at, when usually he went straight to her, chatting happily as if she were his favorite person in the world. Zuko watched Katara as she ate her own food. She looked up at Aang every once in a while, then turned back to her plate, discouraged. The others were joking about the play, making plans for the day, or just stuffing their faces contentedly. But those two were silent. Zuko thought back to the play, how Katara had run after Aang, who had left after a particular moment in the drama. He had planned on exercising and practicing with Aang this morning, but he could tell that the Avatar would be useless today. It annoyed him; there was so little time! How could he get Aang's mental state back on track? First he needed to find out what was wrong between those two, and he had a feeling Katara would be an easier mark than Aang. They seemed to understand each other since he'd helped her track down her mother's killer.

He told Aang to practice earth bending with Toph, hoping that a physical outlet like that would help him get through whatever he was feeling. Then he found Katara alone gathering some grains to feed Appa.

"So what's going on with you and Aang?"

"What?"

"Ever since we came home from that terrible play, you've both been a wreck. I can't train him unless he's in a fit state of mind. I thought you'd be able to tell me what's happening between you two."

She closed her eyes and sighed, then sat down facing away from him. She seemed humiliated and dejected.

"He kissed me."

"Oh." Zuko sat down near her, facing a different direction. He couldn't figure out why that was such a bad thing. It had always been clear to him that the Avatar and the water bender had a strong connection. They often acted in a way that read to Zuko as flirtatious. When he'd been stalking Aang from afar, he'd sometimes thought of Katara as "the girlfriend" because of the way the boy had acted so protective of her during confrontations, even though as a bender herself she could hold her own. Now that he'd observed them more closely since joining the group, he'd noticed a stiffness and awkwardness between them that seemed like it might be new. There were some strict physical boundaries that they seemed to hold between them, as if they were working very hard to show everyone, perhaps even themselves, that they were Just Friends. Still, the way she was acting about a simple kiss didn't compute for Zuko. "Was it the first time?" He asked softly.

She sighed. "No. He kissed me during the battle on the day of the eclipse. He said something about what if he doesn't make it, and kissed me, and flew off."

"So this is why he walked out when you—in the play-said you loved him like a brother?"

"Yeah."

Ok, that made more sense. Now Zuko was understanding their relationship more—Aang had a possibly unrequited crush. To watch a scene like that, on top of the many insults that play had dealt him, would have been a lot for the young Avatar.

"And then you talked to him after the play and he kissed you again."

"Yeah."

"So you don't like him like that?"

"I don't know! That's the problem! I don't know how I feel, so I was just pretending that kiss during the battle didn't happen, and then he confronted me with it directly, and I pushed him away, and I know it really hurt his feelings." That last point seemed agonizing to her.

"I'm sorry for my language, Katara, but that's bullshit."

She turned to face him directly. "Excuse me?" There was a menace in her voice that made him glad they weren't near enough water for her to drown him. Zuko looked straight into her eyes.

"You know how you feel. You've spent every day with him for the past year, and you've been through so much together. You know how you feel, but you're afraid to admit it, even to yourself, either because you don't want to hurt him, or because you're afraid of having a real relationship."

She gasped, and her mouth stayed open a beat, as if she wanted to respond, but couldn't think of what to say. Zuko pressed on.

"I really don't understand this, Katara. You're no coward. Not in conflicts with enemies or friends. Not even in facing your own demons. To be honest, I thought you two were already together. The way you and Aang look to each other first, and protect each other, the way you're both willing to sacrifice everything for each other—if that's not love, what is?"

Zuko saw tears gathering in her eyes, and got ready to apologize for being too harsh, when she spoke up. "I do love him. He's the best person I've ever known. There's nothing I wouldn't do to keep him safe and happy. But am I in love with him?" she shrugged. "Maybe. I have no idea what that would feel like. And I don't think I'm ready for it."

Ok, that was fair. She was only, what, 14? "You guys are really young."

"You're not that much older than me."

"And my two extra years of wisdom and experience still don't give me the slightest understanding of a relationship as caring and functional as you two, even with this disagreement. Explain, please."

She sighed, and her voice softened. "The truth is a lot of the time, he's just Aang. My best friend. He acts like a kid and I can be a kid too when I'm with him. We have fun and it's like we can forget about the war for a while."

"That actually sounds kind of great." Zuko wished he could escape the war and act his age sometimes. If he had someone who could help him do that, it would be incredibly attractive. He thought of Mai and sighed.

"Yeah, it usually is. But other times I have to act like his mom and make him get down to business." She rolled her eyes.

"I can see how that might be a turn off. You do have kind of a...mother hen thing that you do, and it's not limited to Aang." She glared at him, and he put up his hands innocently. "I'm not saying that's a bad thing! The group probably needs someone to take that role, and you're pretty good at it. But I can see that it takes you out of a...potential girlfriend state of mind." He paused. "So you're telling me there is no spark between the two of you?"

She gave a dry laugh, and her lips quirked in a half smile. "In the Cave of Two Lovers, we kissed in the dark and made the whole place light up."

Zuko's eyes widened. "Can't get more romantic than that." But she wasn't done.

"Before the eclipse, he threw a party in a cave. He asked me to dance with him and he was actually suave, which was new. Like, can you imagine Aang being suave?"

"Not sure that I want to."

"He's a really good dancer. It was fun and we moved together so well and he looked in my eyes, and he looked serious and playful at the same time. It made me feel beautiful and grown up and just intrigued." She was blushing just thinking of it.

"And I'm guessing you haven't danced with him again since."

"Well, there was never time."

"Bullshit. A dance takes two minutes. I guarantee he would have made time for a dance with you if he thought you'd say yes."

She sighed, and impatiently ran her fingers through her hair. "The truth is I liked things between us the way they were and didn't want to change them. I liked just being friends. It was simple and I understood how it worked. I knew he liked me. How could I not? He's an open book. And knowing he liked me was nice. It made me feel special. I guess I thought we could go on like that forever, or at least that we could just be kids for a while, and wait until we were older to do anything about our feelings."

"War has a way of making people grow up fast."

"He came to terms with that quicker than I did."

"Why is that?" Zuko made his voice as gentle as possible.

"I've been afraid." She looked down into her lap.

"I don't think of you as someone who gives in easily to fear."

"After we fled Ba Sing Se, Aang was unconscious for weeks, and I had to take care of him like he was a giant baby doll."

"I'm so sorry. That must have been hard for you." He felt guilty again, thinking of the part he'd played in the battle that had left Aang in that state.

"You have no idea." There was a testiness in her voice that made Zuko think she was having the same thoughts about his culpability. But it drained away in the sadness of her next statement. "I came so close to losing him. I was too anxious to sleep most nights. I thought I'd wake up and he'd be gone. And I was so worried about what that would mean for the world, that I couldn't even begin to contemplate what it would mean for me."

"And it sounds like you still haven't begun to contemplate what surviving that experience has meant for you. It changed you."

"Yeah. It did."

"You still see him like that, don't you? Fragile, hanging on by a thread, dependent on you?"

"I guess so. Sometimes."

"He's not. He's strong. He has more than a chance against my father, he has a good chance. The longer I stay here and train with him, the more confident I feel that I didn't just choose the good team, the right team, but the winning team."

That made her perk up. Zuko realized it was probably the most optimistic thing she'd ever heard him say. "Really? How good a chance?" she asked.

"If he doesn't let his pacifism handicap him, 60-40."

Those numbers, and that condition, deflated her. "That's a big if."

"I know. And I think you know that if Aang dies at this point, a broken heart would be the least of your problems."

"Yes, I know that."

"Like you, I have staked my life on the Avatar in his battle against my own father. If he fails, and you and I don't fall in battle ourselves, we will be executed, or imprisoned for life, if we're lucky. I think you owe it to him and yourself to figure this out before it's too late."

"But the way I feel makes no sense! Yes, I feel a spark, but I have zero desire to do anything about it. I just don't have the mental space to think about anyone that way right now! Like, do you ask a starving person to paint a picture? No, you have to feed them before they can do anything like that. I'm just too worried and too focused on making sure we all survive to even consider starting a relationship. It's like a piece of my heart is just frozen."

"I get that. It actually makes a lot of sense. But the thing is, for Aang it might be the opposite. Maybe he needs love and joy to get him through this. There was a story I heard from one of the generals, whose father was involved in Sozin's attacks on the Air Nomads, I never forgot. They were outnumbered and knew they didn't have a chance, but the whole night before the last battle, the Fire Nation soldiers heard them making music. After they'd been defeated, and they were basically just waiting to be killed, they spent their last moments singing. It was exactly because they had nothing left that they reached for each other and created beauty."

"Oh, God." Her eyes were wide, horrified. "Is it wrong of me to withhold myself from him, if that's how he's thinking and feeling?"

"No, of course not. No one ever has an obligation to be intimate with anyone else. Your feelings are just as valid, and just as out of your control, as Aang's are for him. If you really feel like you can't even access that part of yourself right now, it's not right for anyone to try to make you."

"But I do want to be there for him, and if that's what he needs..."

"I think all that he really needs is to know that you care, and that he does have a chance at a future with you. See, right now he's so dejected that he's useless for bending, but if you make his wildest dreams come true, he'll be just as distracted. From that perspective, I think the best strategy might be for you to give him hope, but put him off."

"Until when?"

"Until it's all over, I guess. Isn't that kind of what your heart's really been telling you anyway, by keeping you from wanting to examine your feelings?"

"I guess so. But what about what you just said, that if I don't tell him now, then I'll never get a chance because we'll all be dead?"

"That was just my bleakest, most pessimistic take. My former villain voice. Ignore it. Like I also said, we have staked our lives on Aang's success, so we have to act as if we are certain he will win, and trust that there will be plenty of time for romance after my father's defeat. Have faith in him."

She took a deep breath and then shook her head. "I feel like you're giving me mixed messages here. Have faith in Aang, but also we're all going to die. I love him, but don't tell him now. He needs me, but I don't have to give him what he needs. Give him hope but put him off. I can't tell what side you're on."

"I'm a complicated guy."

"I can't believe I'm taking romantic advice from you, of all people."

"And to think, just a few weeks ago you were threatening me." Zuko's tone was light, his smile lopsided.

"It's almost as if you've changed." Katara matched his sarcasm sweetly. "But if your advice hurts Aang, then I really will kill you." She could almost keep a straight face as she pointed her finger at Zuko's chest.

Author's note:

I am indebted to Lyralocke for the idea that Zuko may have thought Aang and Katara were already a couple early in the series.

Next chapter: poor insecure Aang asks Sokka for advice. Then Katara has a talk with Aang, the whole Gaang reflects on the play, and we skip ahead to the finale.

Please drop me a review! I'd love to hear what you think.