Dawn 03

With my new cape around my shoulders, a mask on my face, and a minion in front of me, the roiling in my stomach had finally diminished. I smiled as I jabbed my arm forward and the seraph flew, its own arm extended out into a point. The seraph smashed into the target dummy with a loud crash and the head of the dummy flew off, neatly bisected. The seraph blipped out. I gaped.

"Holy crap!"

A low whistle behind me sounded out and Aegis stepped to the side, giving me a slow clap. "Wow. I mean, hell, that's terrifying, but wow, still impressive. I thought your stuff was non-lethal?"

"So did I," I replied. I resummoned the seraph and pressed my hand against the knife edge gently. It didn't feel sharp to me. "I knew they could take a hit; I've wanted to try smashing them into things for a while, but I didn't want to damage anything important at home and Purity said that everyone goes to the Boat Graveyard to test their powers so…"

"Yeah, I get it. Is the blunt force version just as damaging? Lethal is, well let's just go with, 'not usually good' and leave it at that."

I grimaced and nodded. "Yeah. I know. I, um, I got a rundown of the basic rules the other night. Let me just think of a name for this guy before I change his template. Hmm, stinger? Striker? Knight?"

"I would think a knight would be more like Gallant," Kid Win commented looking up from the bench in the corner as he finished wrapping his hands in boxing gloves.

"Yeah, you're probably right. I'll go with 'stinger' for now. I can change it later I guess. What do you think, little guy? Stinger work?" I had it bob its head and wave its arm and blade. Smiling I reached out and started to push the blade back into a more blunt, punching lance thing.

"Wait, they can understand you?" Kid Win asked, cocking his head to the side as he came closer.

"Oh, no, they're not smart enough for that. Real basic commands only. I just like to talk to them. They're…" I hesitated, shutting my eyes and suppressing a sigh. These two had been nice so far and if I was going to actually keep taking the PRT up on their offer to try and work with my peers more often then I would have to actually talk to them at some point. Might as well start now. If they were going to laugh at me, it was better to know now. If I was really going to only have Kayden, then I needed to be aware sooner rather than later. Sophia wasn't going to be around to twist these guys like she had twisted Emma. I had a chance, but I couldn't shoot myself in the foot by hiding. "They're cute and I like it when they react to what I say, even if it's really just me puppetting them."

"Hmm, like an emotional support dog, except made of light," Kid Win said.

I dropped the altered seraph - quietly dubbing him 'lancer' in my head - and pulled out my new dog with a smile. I held him out to the tinker. "I can make those too! Isn't he adorable!"

Aegis reached over to run a hand over the dog's back, a small smirk on his face while Kid Win groaned even as he too petted my minion. "Well, Kid, looks like I won that bet, huh?"

"Yeah, yeah, lucky guess. This is adorable by the way, Hardlight. A bit bright, but still cute."

"What bet?" I asked.

"I thought that you could make more than just angels and that's why you didn't want the name Cherub." Aegis laughed. "Some of the others disagreed."

"Oh. Um, yeah. I can manifest a lot of different things, but I have to make a new template first. I think. I haven't really tried much beyond angels and the dog. I just didn't really like that name. Cherub is…it seemed juvenile."

Kid Win snorted. "Lady, you obviously have not looked up biblical cherubs. Those things are terrifying. Four faces, four wings, ox feet. Some are even just straight up giant wheels with eyes. No thank you."

"Actually," I said, vanishing the dog and pulling up a small spinning wheel minion with a few eyes set into it. "This is a 'throne' angel. Not a cherub. Supposedly they were pretty close in rank, but they were like God's chariot or something and just always sang his praises while being driven around by the cherubs - literally driven. It's kind of creepy if you ask me." I let it vanish and shivered. I pulled out the lancer and setting to work on finishing my refinements. "I have no intent to use those except maybe to unnerve some drug dealers or something."

Aegis stared between the two of us. "How do either of you know that? Also, what the fuck! Wheels with eyes? That's an angel?!"

I nodded. "My mom was a literature professor. I know a lot of really random things."

Kid Win frowned. "I…didn't realize Purity was…that well rounded."

"Oh, um, I mean my…My mom died a few years back. Purity is…it's complicated."

He nodded. "I'm sorry for your loss. I didn't mean to bring up something awkward like that. Did you want to try sparring or do you want to test that thing?" He held up one glove and gestured to the finished lancer with the other one.

I swiped my hand towards another dummy and the lancer took to the air bellowing a silent war cry. The dummy flew into the wall behind it, but at least it's head was still intact. The lancer stayed in one piece as well. "Sweet, so the blunted bit makes a difference. Good to know." I turned to Kid Win. "I don't know much about fighting…I usually just ran away. Or just, let So-uh, her hit me."

"Every cape should have at least a general idea about how to fight hand to hand. Even if you only ever use it once or twice, it'll be those times that save your life," he said.

Aegis nodded. "Just because you can summon your projections anywhere doesn't mean you're always going to be safe. There are capes that can interfere with powers."

"That's a good point," I sighed. Holding up my own fists, I tried not to grimace. "Go easy on me?"

Kid Win smirked. "No promises."

The front door closed behind me with a click. I leaned against it for a moment, taking long enough to breathe in and out like the doctors had told me. My heart rate slowed, I set my backpack down, and called out, "I'm home!"

"Hey, sweetie," Dad yelled back from the living room. The TV's volume lowered and his head poked around the corner. His hair was messy, his shirt was wrinkled, and the bags under his eyes were the same as always. It still hurt to look at him. Would that feeling ever go away? "It's pretty late. Did you stay for a club?"

A club? At the school that I despised? I walked past him, managing to keep the scowl off my face long enough to at least make sure my back was towards him first. "No, I just went for a jog after school. The weather was nice."

"Okay. Well next time, just call. It's getting dark."

"And yet I'm not sweaty and you haven't started calling anyone yet," I muttered.

"Did you say something, Taylor?"

"Nothing, Dad. I'm just going to get some food and then do my homework."

"Call me if you need anything."

I didn't deign to respond to that. The mac'n'cheese in the fridge was already on a plate for me with a small post-it saying how long to reheat it for. Dammit. Why did she have to be so good at this?!

Kayden sat down across from me when I was halfway done with the meal. She didn't say anything, just kept doing her crossword as I ate. I finished up and put everything away, finally turning to her, my heart beat pulsing in my ears again. She gave me a small, sad smile that barely touched her eyes as she inclined her head towards the basement. I shook my head and headed up to my room instead, Kayden following behind.

As soon as she had closed the door behind us I sat down on the bed and summoned the dog minion to play with. Kayden took the chair.

"I'm sorry," she said.

"I know you were trying to protect me, but…you can't just do that, Kayden," I murmured. The dog helped. The meds I had taken before walking inside probably helped more. "You're one of the strongest capes in the city. You can't just fire a full blast shot at people like that."

"He was pointing a gun at you. I reacted."

I scowled as I lifted my head to meet her gaze. "You know my minions can stop a bullet."

"Krieg can curve his shots to an extent, Taylor. It's part of his power."

"And has he ever actually killed anyone? I've looked up all of the Empire members, Kayden. I did a lot of research when you started dating my dad. Yes, Krieg is a fucking white supremacist, but there hasn't been a single credible incident where he's ever seriously injured anyone unless Panacea was right there on-scene. So tell me, as someone who has actually worked with him before, was I actually in danger or did you overreact and nearly kill two people."

Kayden winced. "You're…not wrong. Things can of course always change and nothing is ever sure, but Krieg is usually very good about sticking to established lines. He's, well, honorable after a fashion. He's a holdover from the days of Allfather and The Marche, and he fancies himself civilized. He…if he had taken that shot he would likely have only grazed you, if anything. Just enough to scare you."

"And Rune?"

"Rune wouldn't have done anything. She is," Kayden sighed, shaking her head, "someone I abandoned when I left. She was in a bad place when Kaiser got his hooks into her. She has support in the Empire now, but she's never really going to be fully integrated with them - if only because the only one who's sort of close to her in age is Othalla, and even she is married, so they're never going to hang out. Rune is good at intimidation, but when push comes to shove, she doesn't have the stomach for the harder fair that Kaiser would ask. She's an outsider even as they abuse her power, but she doesn't care. Any other city, things would be different. Here? I couldn't do anything for her without drawing a target on her and myself."

"Soo…"

"I know, Taylor, I know." Kayden rubbed at her forehead. As her hand dropped back to her lap she glared at me. "I'm not going to apologize for wanting to protect you though. Being a cape is dangerous. Just regular cape fights can be deadly even before getting into psychopaths like Ingenue and the Slaughterhouse Nine, or natural disasters like the Endbringers. One person, with a bad day, equals casualties everywhere."

"That's why we have to be better," I hissed. "There was an apartment building behind those two, Kayden! You nearly hit the building when you freaked out! I'm not upset that you tried to protect me. I'm upset that you didn't care about almost killing dozens of other people while doing it!"

Kayden's eyes widened and she gasped. "I - I didn't even see it."

"I know! That's why I'm scared! You're basically all I fucking have and I don't even know if I can go out with you now, because what if this happens again?! What if I'm a stupid impulsive idiot who starts another needless fight and you have to save me again - and then you end up becoming a murderer because of it?! Those deaths would be on both of our heads! I fucked up, I get that. I totally fucking get that. I know we were only in that position because I was an impulsive idiot twice over, but you can't immediately leap to full power blasts to try to help me, Kayden!"

I was practically panting by the end of my rant and the dog on my head leaned over far enough to lap at my ear. When the fuck had I summoned a second dog? Didn't matter. I stood and started pacing, two of the dogs following at my heels, a third in my arms squirming against my chest, while the fourth on my head steadied itself amongst my hair. "Do you know where I was this afternoon?"

She nodded. "The PRT. I called there as soon as you didn't get off the bus. I'm not entirely sure why you chose there of all places to go, but at least you were safe."

"I was trying to practice somewhere where I couldn't hurt anyone." That wasn't a complete truth, but it was good enough. "I ended up talking with Aegis and Kid Win too. Apparently I suck at hand-to-hand. They're going to help me get better if I keep going back."

"Is that something you want to do?"

"I don't know!" I snarled. Stopping my pacing I lifted my arm and pointed at her. "You're supposed to be experienced. You're supposed to warn me before I do something stupid. I've had powers for barely three weeks, Kayden! When you were saying it was a bad idea to go near Empire territory I thought you meant because you didn't want to risk being in a position to fight them which is what I wanted. You should have explained why it was a bad idea before we were already there, not just given up and let me have my way!"

"I could have tried harder, yes. But I didn't want you to close down again. Also, Taylor, I am former Empire Eighty Eight. Habits die hard; I don't want to fight people who used to be my friends, even if they were toxic friends. I want them to get away if we fight, especially if I'm going too far against them. Anything less and they could use it against my family. The politics were completely true, but so are the other reasons. But at the end of the day, I know it's just another excuse. And so, maybe I was a bit more willing to cave to your request. You gave me a reason to push my comfort zone instead of making more excuses. It let me confront that aspect of who I used to be." She spread her arms to the side, sighing. "I am trying, but I don't know how I'm supposed to act with all of this. I'm sorry. There's not exactly a guidebook I can read."

"What if we move?" I asked, dropping back to the bed, the minions clamoring onto my lap.

"Danny loves it here," she said, shaking her head. "I couldn't do that to him."

"Would dad even notice?" I asked, scowling. "Did you tell him that you knew where I was? That I was safe? Did he even care enough to start making calls when the sun started to go down? I was trapped in the fucking locker three weeks ago! He should care when I'm not home on time from that hell!" My eyes were screwed shut and I was panting again. I couldn't get a full breath. My cheeks were wet.

Kayden's arms wrapped around me, pulling my head against her chest as she murmured something above me. I clutched at the dogs with one arm as my other grasped for her shirt.

"I know it hurts, Taylor. I can't fix your dad. All I can do is be there for him and be there for you."

"You can't overreact anymore," I gasped out between my sobbing hiccups. "If we're going to keep going out together, you can't hurt people like that! Not unless I'm actually being hurt, Kayden. I don't - I can't trust dad to be there. I need you to be there instead. I need to be able to trust you to not hurt innocent people just because they're near me."

She was quiet for a long time. Long enough that I was able to get my crying under control. I didn't even think she was going to respond.

And then she did.

"I…am not going to lie to you, Taylor. I can promise that I won't overreact. And I won't promise that I will prioritize strangers' lives over your own. If the choice is between saving you and saving ten others, I'm saving you. That's not even a choice. If that's a problem, I'm sorry, but I'm not as a good a person as you are. I will always choose to save you, Taylor."

The warmth surging through my chest at her words should have made me uneasy.

The way I silently agreed that I'd probably do that same for her if the positions were flipped…that should have scared me.

It didn't.

Did that make me a bad person too?