"Right, so here's the deal, pal." The strange leg being in front of me spoke through a mouth placed on the top of a glowing blue vein that extended from the exposed flesh on top of it. "I'm going to send you to a fictional universe with the ability to summon and fight Terraria bosses, and an ability based of of the Lewd RWBY CYOA, my cosmic audience is going to enjoy watching you dick around, and that's going to be that, are we clear?"

"Y-" I began to respond, rather confused as to why I wasn't in hysterics that the ROB that was sending me to another universe was the legendary Moon Lord Legs.

"Apababababap, no talking. I can read you're mind as a side benefit of suppressing your emotions, you're fine with it, kindly fuck off." The cosmic superbeing waved it's glowy blue vein tendril, and my vision went dark.

I woke up in the usual manner that self inserts tend to wake up, naked and alone in the middle of a forest. As self inserts tend to do, I ignored foolish ideas like safety and finding shelter, immediately trying to dick around with my new superpowers.

That is what lead to me sprinting through the very same forest at the speed of an underweight college student, a massive blue blob of living gelatin hot on my heels. I'm not quite sure about the hot part, given that touching it would probably lead to death, so the blob of gelatin could probably be cold, but TREE!

Luckily for my continued existence, the King Slime attempting to kill me was only capable of jumping, and kept on sliding around and bouncing off the tree that my face was currently glued to. Thankfully for me, it was either incapable of teleporting, or thought that I was in a place that it could reach naturally. Unluckily for it, I was a veteran in abusing bugs and exploits to make life easier, and it was incapable of damaging the tree despite the face that it was probably slamming multiple tons of jelly into it repeatedly.

I sat down to further dick around with the abilities I had been given, ignoring the loud thumps and boings from the creature. First things first, the boss music was getting annoying, so I disabled it.

Exploring the Terraria System beyond the boss section showed me the existence of a Terraria style inventory and crafting system, equipped with a set of copper tools. Free things are always good things, so I was rather pleased with that. Nothing else in the Terraria System caught my eye, so I switched back to the screen with all of the bosses. The icon for the King Slime was greyed out, with text reading 'In Progress' written on it, while every subsequent icon was greyed out, with the words 'Defeat Previous Boss To Unlock'. Scrolling to the bottom of the screen revealed a greyed out icon that didn't look very much like the Moon Lord, but looked alot like Supreme Calamitas. Oh shit.

"AWO-" A howl that was cut off by a loud crunch brought my attention away from my internal misery, but all I saw was black mist coming out from under the King Slime as it readied itself for another jump. Must've been the wind.

Like a loser, I laughed at my own reference, and returned my attention to more important things. A muttered "Menu" brought up a window with the options of Terraria System and Lewd RWBY System. Having already perused the former, I chose the latter. The menu disappeared, a different screen taking it's place.

[Thank you for using the RWBY Women Bang Your Dick Like Crazy System! (RWBY DLC System) As the first (and only) user of this system, you get a free starter package! This includes :

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All of a sudden, the sun changes positions, going from hidden behind the leaves of the tree I was sitting beside, to almost directly in front of my line of sight, the game like window being the only thing keeping it from shining directly in my eyes. Clicking the okay button at the bottom of the window, it automatically redirected me to a different window, this one with two different buttons, one labeled Quests, and the other labeled Perks. I pressed Quests.

[Fuck Ruby Rose

Fuck Weiss Schnee

Fuck Yang Xiaolong...]

There were many, many quests, and all of them were to lewd a certain lady. I scrolled and clicked a random one

[Fuck Genderbent Lie Ren

flavor text

Reward : Confidante Perk]

The incredible amount of effort put into the flavor text, and the sheer detail displayed almost brought me to tears. The story in that quest description was so heart-rendingly emotion inducing that I closed the window and switched back to my Terraria Inventory.

A copper shortsword appeared in my grasp at my command, it was time to get serious. As a completely unrelated side note, I like cheese.

My muscles tensed, and with sweat beading on my chin, I half heartedly stabbed up at the King Slime as it passed me. A number appeared in my vision, signifying the incredibly damage my swing did to the beast. 3 damage was dealt in that blow, out of the 3500 hit points that I previously memorized it had. It jiggled at me, possibly in rage, but more probably in amusement at how little damage my slash did.

It was still jiggling at me when I had hit it enough times that a smaller slime popped into existence underneath it. The slime would actually have been capable of hitting me had I not stabbed it multiple times to kill it. I imagine it would have been a pain to deal with were I focused on the King Slime itself.

I came to realize, several hours later, that the jiggling the King Slime did was not a result of emotion, but what happened naturally when multiple tons of gelatin slammed into the ground. Many other slimes had been summoned and dispatched in a similar manner to the first. I'll admit, when the first spiked slime appeared, I was slightly frightened, as projectile firing enemies were always a problem in the game, but the fact that their spikes were slow and made of literal goo made them much simpler to deal with.

A floating red jewel had come out of the King Slime when it reached half health, going about ten meters above the boss and firing red balls of magic. I was really expecting that to be something that forced me to actually start moving, but no, 95% of the time, the red bolts of energy hit a branch or leaf, fizzling out of existence, and the other 5% of the time they missed entirely. Things like this reinforce the King Slime's titles of 'Weakest Boss In The Game', and 'Free Grappling Hook'

The blob of goo died without much fanfare. The only things that would make an outside viewer consider this a boss would be the length of the fight, and the number of innocent bystanders (beowolves attracted by the noise) that were squashed during the 'battle'. At the moment, it was almost midnight, signified by a shattered moon that had made its way to the same position the sun was in when the fight started.

The important thing here was the loot. The smaller slimes had dropped some 200 blobs of flammable gel as well as various items that some of them contained, such as 23 chunks of tungsten, 2 swiftness potions, an ironskin potion, and 3 bombs. The boss itself had dropped a treasure bag and 11 lesser healing potions. The treasure bag contained standard boss stuff ; a small crown contained in a solid ball of gel, a smaller version of the jewel that was firing shitty projectiles at me, a saddle covered in slime and some edgy looking pants.

The pants I put on immediately. As 'freeing' as walking around naked may be, grass does not feel very good on one's groin. A side benefit of the pants is that they're armor as well, which was nice.

The solid ball of gel was called the Royal Gel, and it was an accessory with the effect of making slimes non hostile to me. A shitty effect, given the non-existence of slimes, but I equipped it anyway. The smaller jewel was called the Crown Jewel, and boosted my regenerative capabilities by a miniscule amount. I had accessory space, so I equipped it as well. Both of these showed up on me as attached to a necklace I wasn't wearing before. Touching the necklace string caused my hand to pass through it as if it didn't exist. I shrugged and moved on.

The saddle was a mount item, so I tossed it into whatever void Terraria mount items go to, and activated it. All of a sudden, I found myself seated on top of a larger than average slime. I couldn't get off of the slime without deactivating the mount, which was well and good, because it meant I couldn't fall off.

I leaned back and mentally commanded the mount to go forward, one thought in my mind. 'Why is this the only slime in existence capable of moving without jumping?"