It had been a long nine weeks since Jay had walked out on Erin after finding out that he and Abby were still married. Everyone had witnessed his spiral but there was nothing anyone could say or do to help him. He was on self destruct mode. He seemed to be constantly hungover, wired or exhausted - nothing like the Jay they all knew and loved. Nine weeks of watching him in this spiral and it was hard on everyone. Especially Erin, she had to sit back and watch the man she loves spiral - kind of like he had to do for her a few years back and it was the hardest thing she has ever had to do. He wasn't listening to reason, and had barely talked to any of the unit since that day. He was still living with Will and Nina and even they were worried. Today, they were finalising the paperwork from a huge case they had just closed, Jay was grateful as he had a long night and was looking forward to finishing work and going back to Will's to try and sleep.

"Halstead," Voight barked and Jay's head snapped up, "My office. Now."

Jay nodded and got up from behind his desk to follow Hank into his office, he certainly didn't want to piss the sergeant off as he seemed to be on the warpath today. Voight was already sat behind his desk when Jay entered, "Close the door and sit down."

He shut the door behind him and saw the rest of the unit glance over as he did. Once sat down he let out a breath he didn't realise he had been holding, "What's up Sarg?" He asked as casually as possible.

"I've just got off the phone with Will," he said.

Jay looked up, beginning to panic, "What? Is he okay? What's wrong?"

"He's fine. But he's worried about you. He says you're not sleeping and you're usually out most of the night. He's worried," Hank replied, giving him a pointed look, Jay went to reply but Hank stopped him. "I know we haven't seen eye to eye most of the time - but I am worried about you too. What's going on?"

Jay sighed, "I'm fine."

"Bullshit. I'm looking out for you here, but you've not been yourself since you moved out. I don't care what's gone on but I can't have a distracted cop on my team. You know what they say? A distracted cop is a dead cop. Even worse, a distracted cop gets a dead partner." Hank said straight up, not mincing his words.

"Im fine..." Jay begun but saw the look on Hank's face, "Okay, I'm not 'fine'. But I'm doing ok. I promise."

"Jay. You're not doing okay. You won't be until you tackle the problem head on. Tell me everything, despite everything, I do care about you," Hank said as his face softened, he did really have a soft spot for Jay, he just liked winding him up. But these past few weeks had been rough and he was genuinely worried about him.

Jay rubbed his hands over his face and let out a harsh breath, "Well, I'm sure you know about Abby?" Hank just nodded so Jay continued, "Her coming back just set me off. I mean, I don't like remembering that time or my life, who I was then? I'm so embarrassed and ashamed of how I behaved after coming home. Her being here bought back the memories of me coming home that final time. It was... traumatising. My mom died. Many of my men died overseas, or killed themselves when they came home. I attended far too many funerals in the space of six months. I was drunk, high or both 24/7 and I'm ashamed to admit, I can't really remember much of that time. I just wanted to get black out drunk until I could stop reliving the memories. The nightmares were... I can't even describe how bad they were. I relived what we did and what I saw every time I closed my eyes. I had a few when Mouse went back - and managed to keep it from Erin... I was just getting okay again, but then Abby showed up," He explained, "I'm ashamed of who I was. My mom would be disappointed in me... I just couldn't bare anyone seeing me for who I was..."

Hank was shocked at how much Jay was really telling him, but he was still confuse as to why Will was calling, "So, why is Will calling me?"

"I've not been sleeping. When I first moved in, my nightmares and PTSD episodes were off the scale. I felt guilty because Nina and Will were on day shifts so I was keeping them up all night and they were tired. They never complained though, but the guilt was tough on me. I started some sleeping pills to help me sleep - and they helped me sleep, but the nightmares were still there. I slept but sleeping through the nightmares was even more traumatising and draining so I stopped taking them. I just settled my old trick of sitting up and watching documentaries. But they help me fall asleep, and I didn't want to sleep so I started going for runs during the night, that's where I was this morning, I ran for two hours last night to clear my mind," he explained, he put his head in his hands, "I just don't know what to do anymore. I tried this PTSD support group, but in reality it made me worse."

Hank sighed, he could see that this was weighing heavily on his mind, "Have you spoke to Erin? She will want to help. Like you have helped her over the years."

He shakes his head, "No, I don't want to pile my shit on to her. I can't be a burden. She deserves so much better than me," he said, but he could feel himself beginning to get worked up. Talking about all of this was hard for him and he felt himself losing control. His rapid breathing was a giveaway for Hank that Jay needed help and soon. This wasn't going to go away anytime soon. He watched his detective crumble in front of him - it was heartbreaking to watch. Jay had been in so much of a state, he hadn't heard Hank leave. He came back in with Erin not a minute later, and her heart broke at the sight. Her Jay, the strongest man she knew was a crumbling right in front of her. She had only seen him like this a few times before, mostly after Terry died, or when the fireworks went off when he was asleep on the 4th July. She walked over to him and hugged him tightly (knowing that the pressure was good for him). Hank told her that he would give them a minute before grabbing his phone and leaving.

"Hey, it's okay. I've got you," she whispered as he just kept repeating 'I'm sorry' over and over. It took him a good five minutes to fully calm down. Once he was calm enough, Erin sat down in the chair next to him, "What's going on? I want to help."

Jay wiped his eyes, "I'm just not coping. I can't sleep. I can't eat. I'm having panic attacks. I..." he began, not knowing how to say it, he took a deep breath and tried again, "I can't do this alone. I thought I could get myself together in order to be the guy that you deserve. But I can't. I'm sorry for pushing you away, I just didn't want to be a burden,"

Erin nodded - understanding how he was feeling, she learn over and gave him a hug, "It's okay. We will get you through this - but you've got to let me help you," she told him and he nodded, "Come back to the apartment tonight, and we will talk it over and try and see how we can combat this."

Jay nods once again, "I'm sorry."

Just as Erin had been about to tell him to stop apologising, Hank walked back in, "Okay, you both have the flu - take three days off. I don't want to see either of your faces until Thursday, understand?"

Jay shook his head, "You can't be down two detectives. We can't do that, I'm fine."

"No you're not. Besides, I'd rather be down two detectives for three days than have one detective who's not all there and me end up being down one detective permanently because he's got himself killed. I've just called Dawson, he said he will help out for the next three days, and Platt said I can always borrow one of her officers if needed. I need you to get your head sorted, this can't go on any longer, Jay."

Jay knew Hank was being sincere because he called him Jay, so he just nodded.

"Thanks, Hank, we really appreciate it," Erin said and gave him a hug.

They both left the office to grab their coats, Jay left without saying anything to anyone leaving them all confused. Erin grabbed Jay's keys off his desk and threw them to Adam, "Can you drop his car off at ours tonight?" She asked.

Adam nodded, "Yeah of course I can, Linds. Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, it will be. We won't be back in until Thursday. So I'll see you all then," she replied, "Can you just post the keys into the letterbox downstairs?" Adam nodded, "Thanks, Adam."

She said a quick goodbye to the rest of the group before following Jay down to her car. Hopefully these next three days would help them both get back on track. Only time could tell.

AN: Been working on this story for a couple of weeks now and I'm ready to start posting :) Hopefully I can keep up better with it - but time will only tell. I know this was a short chapter but the next one is longer! Let me know what you thought :)

I am also in the middle of starting my first ever AU story so hoping to be able to post that next couple of weeks sometime - hopefully!