Author's note: To paraphrase John Paul Jones, I have not yet begun to shitpost.

Growing up Jaune had long dreamed of escaping his family. Escaping his seven sisters. Not because he didn't love them, of course. However there was only so much trauma the only boy of eight children could take. Between the hair, the makeup, the dance lessons, and everything else, Jaune had sought to forge his own strong, manly path in life. He wanted to be a huntsman and a hero just like so many members of the Arc family had.

That was, until he was accepted into Beacon Academy. The looming threat of death at the hands of Grimm changed one's perspective on life and family. Now he wanted to spend as much time as he could with his loving siblings before he went off to join a huntsman academy where the potential for death loomed around every corner.

The final leg of his journey brought him to the city of Argus.

Jaune stepped off the trolley with his sister Saphron who had met him at the air ship terminal. He'd never been to Argus before, but it was a beautiful city. Even in spring the temperature was crisp and cool, and he wondered how people on the northern coast of Anima were able to enjoy beach season with all this snow. Perhaps they'd simply grown accustomed to the chill, or maybe the weather warmed up enough during summer to enjoy. Whatever the case, Jaune only had a few days to spend with his sister and her wife, and beach or no beach he intended to enjoy his time here.

And speaking of beauty… "Wow, you live here?" Jaune asked as he stared up at the building Saphron had led him to.

With a pillared overhang and fenced-off evergreen trees in front, Saphron's place was gorgeous. Tall arched windows lined the front of the building, and as the pair of siblings ascended the steps Jaune was in awe that his sister lived in such a cool place. Maybe it was just due to him being seventeen, but the prospect of living away from home seemed like the greatest thing ever. It was just one of the many reasons he was so excited to attend Beacon Academy.

"It's not too special," his sister said modestly. "Only the first floor."

One floor out of three was still impressive. "Still, this place looks huge," he added as she unlocked the door and stepped inside.

"Huge, but kinda empty," she said solemnly.

"Empty? But you live with-"

"Honey, we're here!" Saphron interrupted, calling the very person Jaune was about to mention.

As they stood in the living room a familiar face came out of the kitchen to greet them. With dark mocha skin and brown eyes set behind a pair of glasses, Saphron's wife Terra stepped into the room and greeted her partner with a loving kiss.

"Jaune, nice to see you again," she greeted with a hug. "How was the flight?"

"Eh, my motion sickness only acted up twice," he shrugged, recalling the horrible experience of having to rush to the bathroom a couple of times. "So I've had worse."

Saphron giggled softly, giving him a soft nudge to the shoulder with her fist. "Still as much of a helpless dork as ever, I see."

Jaune's face scrunched up, and years of training allowed him to slap his sister's hand away in an instant. "I am not a dork!" he shouted defensively. "I'm gonna be a huntsman in a few days."

"A huntsman who pukes every time he steps onto an air ship."

"I'll get over it," he insisted. "I mean, maybe they have some sort of training or course I can take to help get over it. You never know."

"Or maybe they'll flunk you on day one because you're such a weenie."

The joking insult hit Jaune harder than Saphron could ever know. What she failed to realize was that he was a fraud. He had faked his transcripts to get into Beacon. He was going in cold and blind. The thought of failing on day one due to his lack of experience or knowledge haunted him, but he was determined to try. He had to try. For the good of his future.

He must have made some sort of face, and Saphron followed up almost immediately by placing a gentle hand on his shoulder. "Hey, I was only playing," she offered comfortingly. "I'm sure you're gonna be a great huntsman just like dad."

Jaune smiled weakly and nodded. "Yeah. I hope so."

"I need to go check on dinner," Terra said as she excused herself.

"It smells great!" Saphron called after her. She turned back to Jaune. "Normally I do most of the cooking, but since I had to pick you up Terra decided to cook. Let's just say she's not the greatest…" she muttered softly.

The boy shrugged and hummed. "I'm sure it'll be fine."

"Let's just hope that you got all the puking out of your system."

Well if that wasn't the most ominous thing Jaune had ever heard in his life, he didn't know what was. He didn't have much time to think about it before Saphron took hold of his hand and led him toward the couch.

"Sit down, will you?" she asked as she plopped down on one side of the couch. "There's something important I have to tell you."

And just like that the fear of Terra's cooking went out the window. Jaune sat down on the other side of the couch, and Saphron looked unusually nervous. He hoped he hadn't caused any sort of trouble with his visit. "Is something wrong?" he asked. "Was this a bad time to visit?"

Saphron's Arc-blue eyes widened, and she looked up as her hands began to wave wildly in front of her. "No no no!" she insisted. "Not at all. If anything your timing couldn't be more perfect. Like, this is actually perfect."

The words put Jaune at ease, and he sunk back deeper into the couch. "Oh, well that's good. So what's up then?"

"Well, you see…" she started, the nervousness in her body seeping into her voice. "Terra and I. We've decided that… well, this place of ours is pretty empty. We're in a great and loving relationship, we're financially secure, and, well, we want to expand our family." She smiled, and her gaze fell down to her hands which were clasped in her lap. "We've decided we're ready to have a baby."

The words hit Jaune like a truck. He jumped up excitedly, a wide grin on his face as he stepped over and bent down to envelop his sister in a tight embrace. "That's great news!" he exclaimed as he squeezed her tightly. Her sudden yelp from his tight, constricting hug was music to his ears. Now she knew how it felt to be on the receiving end. "Congratulations!"

Her faux-pained gag made Jaune relent on his loving assault, and he stepped back with a grin on his face to view his sister. She too was smiling, and Jaune was incredibly excited for both her and himself. He was going to be an uncle! This was so awesome!

"We're very excited about it too," she said softly. "And we can't wait to finally get the ball rolling on the… process."

The process. That brought about his next question. "So who's going to be carrying the child?" he wondered.

"Terra will."

So he wasn't going to be a blood relative to the kid, but that was still okay! "This is so exciting. I can't believe I'm going to be an uncle!"

"Well…" she said hesitantly. "Not exactly…"

Jaune's brow furrowed. "What do you mean?"

Saphron's hand were nervously toying with themselves atop her lap. She continued to stare down at them as she offered her explanation. "I think the technical term… along with the legal one, would be father."

Okay, that explanation explained absolutely nothing. Jaune continued to squint at her in confusion. "I'm sorry, you lost me there." He knew that with both his sister and Terra being women that there wasn't going to be a biological father in their family, but that didn't make him the father just because he was related to Saphron.

"Well you see, Terra is going to be the mother."

"Right," Jaune agreed.

"And as you know it takes sperm and an egg to make a baby," she continued.

"Duh. I took biology."

There were some people out there who loved to theorize that somehow using dust could make a baby, but Jaune gave those weirdos no regard. How someone could mess up basic human biology was beyond him.

"So… you see the problem?"

Jaune blinked. "What problem? Sperm donors are a thing. That's usually how same-sex couples have children."

Her deep blue eyes flicked up to meet his. "That they are, little bro. That they are…"

"So you go to the sperm bank and… get…"

The words died on his lips as Saphron stared intently at him. The serious and direct glare she gave him was like nothing he'd ever seen. Gone was the sister who loved to tease and coddle her baby brother. Here was a woman on a mission. A woman who had a mission and a goal in mind. She wanted something. He just hadn't a clue what it was.

"Saph?" he asked nervously. "What's with that look?"

"Well you see Jaune…" she began. Her teeth sunk into her lower lip for a moment before continuing a moment later. "We've decided that… we want you to be the donor…"

He blinked. Had he heard right? Had he just imagined her explanation? Or was he just in denial? "What do you mean?"

"What I mean, my sweet, tall, muscular, blond-haired, blue-eyed Arc brother of mine," she listed off as she stood from her seat on the couch. "Is that we want you to be the father. We want you to give us a child that carries both Cotta and Arc genes."

Yeah. That spelled it out perfectly for him. And it hit him like a ton of bricks. "Oh," was all he could manage.

"And you see, we'd prefer it if you did it… all natural…"

Jaune's mouth opened and closed like a fish. He tried to speak, but no words came out.

Her look of mild concern was voiced in her next word. "Jaune?" she asked worriedly. He couldn't imagine the look on his face right now.

"You want me to… you know… with your wife?"

"Yep!" she said happily.

"But… isn't she a lesbian? Aren't you both?"

"We're bisexual, Jaune," she explained. "I'm going to give you an important life lesson, baby bro. Everyone you meet in life is bisexual."

"…really?"

"Well, no. Of course not," she answered matter-of-factly. "But assume they are unless it's told otherwise, and you'll never be wrong. I think that's an important lesson to take with you to Beacon."

"I see…"

"Like let's say when you get to Beacon some guy is giving you a lot of attention. He's probably really into you."

Somewhere on another continent, Cardin Winchester sneezed.

"Well still!" Jaune exclaimed. "Bisexual or not, I'm your brother! And you're asking me to sleep with your wife!"

"There won't be much sleeping going on if I get my way…" she smirked.

"Is Terra even aware of your little plan? I can't imagine she's okay with this."

Saphron shrugged. "It took a little convincing but she's on board."

Jaune couldn't believe this. He was supposed to spend the last few days before heading off to Beacon Academy resting and relaxing. Then his sister had gone and dropped a bombshell on him like this! What was he supposed to do? What was he supposed to think? How was he supposed to react to both his sister and sister-in-law agreeing that he should… should… impregnate her! To make him some sort of father-uncle! What was this, the Branwen Tribe!?

"I know this is sudden," Saphron smiled. "But it would really, really help us out if you did this. I mean, you're the only Arc male out there besides dad, and I don't exactly think mom would be too willing to let him do this…"

But he was fine, of course. Jaune Arc was a seventeen year old guy without a girlfriend. All he had to do was plant his seed and move on. No strings attached. No role to play beyond uncle. His child would have two loving women in its life to raise it. All he had to do was provide the sperm.

"So wait, let's say I did agree to be the father. Why exactly can't we just do a sperm donation sort of thing?"

"Because you never know what could go wrong with artificial insemination," she explained. "Or them mixing up the donors. We'd really just prefer if you got down and dirty in the trenches and did it yourself."

Jaune had never heard a more unappealing and unattractive way to describe sex in his life. The way Saphron had phrased it he might as well be fighting in the Great War like their great grandfather had. And of course, no one, anywhere, ever, wanted to think about a woman's vagina as a dirty trench…

He stood from the couch, his head still reeling from the request from his beloved older sister. As soon as he had Saphron stood as well, and she quickly sunk to her knees in front of him before grabbing his hands with hers.

"Please," she begged. "Please please please with your cherry on top?"

Jaune opened his mouth to speak, but only air came out. She wasn't exactly wrong on there…

Finally he mustered the strength for words. "I, um, just need to lie down for a little while," he said, grabbing hold of his suitcase. "Can you show me to my room?"

Saphron stood up quickly and nodded. "Sure. Right this way. We definitely wanna get you accommodated with the place."

Suddenly Jaune was regretting asking about his bed. If Saphron had it her way, it would be occupied by two tonight…

A good twenty minutes of silence and thinking had passed. It hadn't been enough to deal with the bombshell that had been dropped on him.

As Jaune sat at the dining room table he idly poked at the roast on his plate. Sitting with his sister on his right and Terra directly across from him, this was definitely the most uncomfortable dinner experience of his life. Even more so than when all seven sisters had walked in on him masturbating that one time…

"I know I'm not the best cook," Terra said, suddenly snapping Jaune from his thoughts. "Is it okay?"

The boy suddenly realized that his hesitation and playing with his food might give off the wrong impression. Jaune was quick to cut a piece with his knife and fork, and stuffed it in his mouth as he spoke. "It's great!" he said honestly. After all, it was difficult to mess up pot roast. "Really. It's delicious. I just have… a lot on my mind right now."

Saphron smiled innocently between them, working on her own food as she joined the conversation like she hadn't asked Jaune to fuck her wife only a half hour earlier. "Jaune has a big change coming in his life. It's only natural that he'd be nervous."

Jaune shot her a glare. She knew damn well why he was nervous, and it wasn't about Beacon Academy!

"Understandable," Terra agreed. "Moving to an entirely different continent and starting a new life surrounded by total strangers. Then again, you Arcs seem to have a knack for that sort of thing," she added, shooting a smirk at her wife.

"Aw, honey," Saphron cooed. "You were the only person I cared about meeting here in Argus."

It was so surreal. Here they were having a normal and natural conversation over dinner. Terra seemed either totally at peace with the decision or was in the dark about what Saphron had proposed earlier. Something told her it was the former, because it would be one heck of a lie for his sister to tell about something like this.

"You're going off to a big and strange school full of other teenagers from all over the world," Saphron said, turning her attention back to him. "Some with a lot more worldly experience than you. I bet a ton of them aren't virgins anymore."

Jaune choked on his food, and he had to pound his chest with a fist in order to get it down. He hurriedly gulped down some water to clear his throat of the offending meat.

"That's true," Terra shockingly agreed. "They say that college is the place where you experiment. I know I did."

The boy looked back and forth between the two women suddenly having a very mature conversation. One that he could only imagine what the goal of it was…

"Come on, you make it sound like there's gonna be orgies at Beacon or something," he protested.

Saphron shrugged. "You never know. Hormonal teenagers at the height of puberty living in coed dorms together while facing life and death situations every day. Can you think of a better environment for some casual blow-off-some-steam sex?"

He couldn't. He honestly couldn't. Beacon… was it going to be a sex house? Was there going to be banging going on there every night? He'd seen pictures of huntresses before, and they were all supermodel gorgeous. He, Jaune Arc, just some random, normal dude, was going to be attending a school full of beautiful girls who could all kick his ass.

"Well when you put it like that…"

"Plus have you ever seen an ugly huntress? I sure haven't, and I've seen a lot of graduates from Sanctum Academy. Like Pyrrha Nikos. Whew! If I was only a couple years younger and unmarried…"

"Then you would what, honey?" Terra asked deliberately as she stared at her wife.

Saphron cleared her throat. "Then I would totally introduce her to Jaune, of course!" she lied.

"Pyrrha who?" he wondered.

"A hottie who's going to Beacon with you this year," she explained. "If you manage to get in her pants I'll crown you the king of sex forever. Of course if you wanna do that, you should probably have some experience…"

Jaune paled at the implication of his sister's words. He knew all too well where this was going.

"Jaune, you don't want to go to Beacon a virgin, do you?"

He didn't. He could honestly say he didn't. Especially after this conversation about Beacon potentially being a smut den. He wanted to be able to wow the ladies with his skills both in and out of the bedroom. But if the only way of accomplishing that was to… fulfill Saphron and Terra's desires…

"Do you mind if I turn on some music?"

A little bit of light music during dinner sounded fine. Perhaps it would even take the conversation away from where it was headed. "That's fine."

"Great!" Saphron grabbed the stereo remote and hit a button. The music began playing.

Give it to me baby! Uh huh! Uh huh! Give it to me baby! Uh huh! Uh huh!

Jaune's eyes widened. Forget that this was a bit too vulgar to be listening to with his sister and her wife, but he knew exactly what she was going for here…

"Do you mind changing it?" he asked.

"Not at all."

The next song began to play. Oh baby baby, how was I supposed to know…

"Change it!"

"Fine with me."

My darling I… can't get enough of your love babe…

Jaune stood from the table in an instant. "That's it! I'm going for a walk!"

His sister smiled sweetly. "Good idea, Jaune. Stretch out those muscles so you don't cramp up while you're pounding Terra's cooch."

"Saphron!" Terra shrieked.

Was this it? Was there hope? Did Terra find the idea as uncomfortable as he did?

"Yes?" Saphron asked innocently.

Terra blinked. "Language, dear."

Jaune's heart sunk. Yeah, so much for Terra being against the idea.

He turned and moved toward the living room and front door. He turned back when he heard Saphron call after him.

"Have a nice walk!" she waved.

With a shake of his head Jaune left and shut the door behind him. It was cold outside. Probably a lot warmer in bed…

Damn it. That was their plan, wasn't it?

One half hour walk later Jaune returned to his sister's apartment. Opening up the door with the key he'd been given, he stepped into a barely-lit room. Only once he was inside did he realize that the light came solely from candles.

"Oh what the…" he muttered as his eyes fell upon the two people sitting on the couch.

A bottle of wine rested on the coffee table alone with a pair of glasses. Both were filled with the dark red liquid. Soft, romantic music played in the background, and the sound of a saxophone filled his ears as he stared at the two women.

"Welcome home, Jaune," Saphron greeted as she stood.

The boy took a deep breath. "Saphron…"

His eyes, however, trailed off to the other woman. Terra sat on the couch not wearing the clothes she had been in earlier, but instead in a criminally-thin purple negligee which probably went well with her smooth dark skin and black hair. The room was a bit too dark to make out all the colors perfectly, but he could definitely see the many good parts that his sister-in-law had to offer in such an outfit. Or lack of one.

Saphron approached Jaune and took him by the hand, leading him to sit on the chair which sat adjacent to the couch. She pushed him down onto it and took a step back, a smile beaming brightly on her face.

"My sweet, baby brother. It is with deepest pride and greatest pleasure that we welcome you tonight. And now we invite you to relax, let us pull up a chair, as the Cotta-Arc family proudly presents… your dessert."

Saphron moved to stand next to Terra, and with another push of the button on the stereo remote, the music changed.

"Be, our, guest,

Be our guest!

Put her cervix to the test!

Bring your A-game and your dick, brother,

And she'll provide the rest!"

She reached out and placed her hands underneath Terra's scantily-clad breasts, giving them each a bounce for Jaune to enjoy.

"Lookie here,

Lose your wits,

Yes, two perky, lovely tits!

Try them out bro, they're delicious.

And the milk? So nutritious.

She can kiss,

She can fuck,

That and more, bro, you're in luck!

Better still than any silly huntsman quest."

Saphron twirled around the room, dancing gracefully as she continued to sing.

"Go on, she's on the menu,

Get a taste and then you'll,

Be our guest,

Yes, our guest,

Be our guest!"

Jaune was lost for words as his sister went on singing this horrible inappropriate song. Saphron sank to her knees next, and ran her hands along Terra's sexy bare legs.

"Two nice thighs,

In your face,

Come on brother, set a pace,

Keep it slow and soon you'll know,

Her inappropriate embrace."

She stood back up to face Jaune, who sat mortified in his seat.

"You're nervous,

Fear not, Jaune,

I'll be here to cheer you on!

No one's gloomy or complaining,

While the two of you are banging!

On her back,

Or bent over,

Fertilize her tight bush clover.

And it's all in perfect taste that you can bet!

Come on and fuck my wife,

So she can birth new life,

Bro, be our guest,

If you're stressed,

Give a nice squeeze of her breast.

Be our guest,

Be our guest,

Be our guest!"

The music slowed, and Saphron moved back to sit down beside Terra. With a heavy sigh and a solemn expression on her face, she took her wife's hand. "Life is so unnerving, for a couple who's deserving, of a sweet child that they can call their own." The words were more spoken rather than sung now, and the couple shared a sad look into one another's eyes as Saphron continued. "Ah, those good old days when we were hopeful. Waiting for my brother to be grown…"

Saphron stood back up. "For years we've been itching. Terra's ovaries were twitching. Needing exercise, an Arc to knock her up. Most days we just lay around the condo…"

The music began to pick up again as did Saphron's tempo. Dancing over behind the chair, she bent over behind Jaune to place her hands on his shoulders.

"Horny, hot and waiting,

You walked in, it's time for mating!

It's our guest! It's our guest!

Guaranteed positive test!

Make a baby, there's no maybe,

Arc fertility's the best!

One round's all that it will take,

Let's hope that she doesn't break.

Terra is so soft and sweet,

But tonight she'll be your treat."

Moving over to Terra, she pulled the other woman up from the couch and brought her to the threshold between the living room and the hallway which led deeper into her home. Toward the bedrooms.

"Hurry up, get in bed,

Go at it until she'd bred.

Only after that is when you get to rest!

You've got some work to do,

Inject her with your goo,

Brother, our guest!

Be our guest!

You're our guest!

Be our guest! Be our guest!

Provide a child for our nest.

It's been too long since my Terra has seen a schlong,

And we're obsessed!

Pull her hair, smack her bum,

In the end give her your cum.

Once she's pregnant she'll be glowing,

I won't mind if you keep going..."

Suddenly confetti and glitter began to rain down from the ceiling. Jaune had no idea where it was coming from in the dimly-lit living room, but he was sure there weren't any sort of devices up there when he'd left for his walk.

"Fuck… her… hard! Fuck her good!

Penetrate her with your wood!

Have a great time, baby bro, at our request!

Tonight you'll get some pussy,

Sorry I'm so pushy.

Be our guest!

Be our guest!

Be our guest!

Please… be… our… guest!"

The music ended. Saphron's mouth closed. Silence blissfully fell over the room as his older sister stood there with her arms outstretched in some final climactic post after her literal song and dance. Like she'd come out of some professional musical performance piece.

Jaune sat there stunned beyond belief. He would have been at a loss for words had one question not been consuming his mind at this very moment.

"Saphron…" he asked carefully. "How long… did it take you… to write that song…?"

"Not as long as you might think, actually," she smiled cheerfully, wrapping an arm around Terra's shoulders. "I only spent like an hour on Rhymezone to get the basic structure down. A few tweaks here and there and it was done. Terra actually helped out to get the flow better."

Jaune's gaze shifted from his sister to Terra. The fact that his sister-in-law had contributed to that abomination of music made him feel as though all hope was lost. They wanted this. Both of them. They wanted his sperm in the both the best and worst kind of way.

"One hour too much…" he muttered under his breath.

"Not if it gets the job done," Saphron said as she moved back toward where Jaune sat. She sank to her knees before him, and grabbed his hands with hers. "So tell me, Jaune. Do you wanna impregnate Terra now? Please say yes."

The boy sighed. "You obviously put a lot of effort into that whole musical number…"

She nodded. "Yep. There was confetti and glitter and everything. Glitter is like the herpes of decorations, Jaune. Once it gets on you, it's there forever."

"Gross."

"So please?" she begged. "Pretty please with Terra's hot nipples on top?"

Liquid-blue eyes looked up pleadingly into his. How could he say no to a face like that? It was the kind of dirty tactic his sisters loved to use on him when they wanted something, and Jaune had never developed a countermeasure to those yearning eyes.

He shook his head softly in defeat. "I mean… if you two really want a Cotta-Arc baby that badly…"

Saphron jumped up onto her feet. "We do! We so do, Jaune! So does this mean yes?"

She was looking at him with such hopeful eyes. How could he say no do them?

"Sure, why not…" he sighed. "If my sister is going to write an entire song about me banging her wife, who am I to deny her?"

"Yay!" she screamed, pulling him up from the chair and leading him to where Terra stood. "Okay, get to bed you two!"

Jaune was dragged away by one of her hands, and Terra by the other. It was time to take the plunge. Straight into Terra's pussy.

So this was what it felt like to be inside a woman. It was so much better than his own hand.

Hot. Tight. Wet. With his palms pressed down into the bed just below Terra's shoulders, Jaune was buried up to the hilt inside his sister-in-law. His chest rested comfortably on her own ample one, creating a nice cushion for him as he slowly thrust in and out of the woman he sought to impregnate.

The soft grunts and panting breaths he was eliciting from Terra told him she was at least feeling it, and for Jaune that was good enough. He was utterly clueless and terrified in his first time with a woman, and he wanted desperately not to screw up. Then again since the only goal was to impregnate her, the only way he could screw up was to pull out. Right now pulling out was the last thing on his mind with how good it felt to be inside her.

Still, he wanted this to be a pleasant and pleasurable experience for her as well. This was someone he cared for, after all. Staring down into her warm brown eyes, Jaune spoke for the first time since they'd started to go at it. "Um, do you want me to kiss you?" he asked.

Terra let out a soft moan as her mouth opened to respond. "I mean, I love you as a brother-in-law, Jaune, but I'm not in love with you. I don't think kissing would be appropriate."

Jaune nodded as he continued to thrust into her. "Right. Got it."

It was so awkward, but hey, at least he was getting his awkward first time out of the way. With no expectations or judgment being leveled on him, all he had to do was learn how to do things right and what felt good to a girl. He'd even developed a steady rhythm after the first minute with Terra. He would be able to bring this experience with him to Beacon and use it should some hot huntress there ever fall for him!

"Woo! That's it!" a third voice shouted encouragingly. "Give it to her, Jaune!"

As if the situation couldn't get awkward enough, Saphron was there in the bedroom with them dressed in a full cheerleader uniform. Where she'd gotten it he couldn't say, but as it turned out she hadn't been lying when she said that she would be cheering him on. Complete with the skirt and pom-poms, Saphron jumped around excitedly as Jaune and Terra had sex in front of her eyes.

"Gimmie a 'P'!" Saphron shouted enthusiastically.

Jaune glanced over in confusion. "P?"

"Gimmie a 'nis'!"

"What?"

"What's that spell?"

"Saph!" Jaune shouted angrily at the woman who was being so disruptive during his sex.

"Wrong answer!" his sister replied utterly clueless to the fact that she was ruining the mood. Not that there was much of a mood to begin with, but if Jaune was going to try to impregnate a girl, could he at least have some peace and quiet to enjoy it in? "But for trying you get a consolation prize, and that prize is Terra's pussy!"

"How thoughtful of you…" Terra grunted out as Jaune continued to thrust in and out.

The shaking of pom-poms were a harbinger of Saphron's next act. "Jaune, Jaune, he's my bro! Come-on-let's-knock-up-that-ho!"

"Honey!" Terra shouted. "Please!"

The blonde girl smiled sheepishly. "Sorry."

"And who are- ah! You calling a ho…"

Jaune felt near his end, and Terra's latest gasp sent a shiver down his spine. He was proud of the fact that he was making her feel good, but with it being his first time and wearing no protection he sadly knew that he was going to climax before she did. Then again if all they wanted was his seed, maybe it didn't matter.

He grunted as he spilled himself inside Terra, painting her womb white with his sperm. He went as long as he was able to, pumping until the last of it had been dumped inside her. With any luck that would do the trick. As Saphron had said, Arc fertility was unmatched in its potency. He and his seven sisters were living proof of that.

As he sought to catch his breath atop Terra's sweaty body, Jaune opened his eyes and stared down into her eyes. She smiled back up at him, and gave him a light pat on the back with one of the hands that had circled around his body.

"Thanks," she said softly. "We really appreciate this."

Honestly? Now he did too. Terra was a pretty woman, and having his first time being taken care of by someone he knew and trusted, not to mention cared for, was all he could have asked for.

"And that's the end of that!" Saphron gushed happily as she skipped over to sit on the bed next to them. "But you know how you're going to Beacon in a few days?"

Jaune blinked as he glanced over at her. "Yeah?"

"Well you'll be really busy at school, and we won't get to see you again for months," she said, toying with her hair and wrapping it nervously around her finger. "So… just to be super duper sure, do you think you can cream pie Terra every night until you have to go?"

Jaune looked back down at Terra. At her soft, mocha skin. Her warm chocolate eyes. Her two soft, squishy breasts. He felt the hot, wet region between her legs…

Yeah. Yeah he could definitely do that.

Beacon was going to be a breeze with all his experience by the time he got there.

Two and a half years later

It had been a difficult journey, but they'd pulled through.

Between the crippling depression of learning the truth about Ozpin, Qrow succumbing to alcoholism, and the presence of Apathy Grimm nearly killing them at Brunswick Farm, Ruby and her friends had made it to Argus.

The trolley ride was full of exposition as the B-team explained how and why it was present in the world of Remnant without a World of Remnant being necessary. Imagine that? Ruby didn't care much for the explanation, but Argus was really cool looking. She wouldn't mind setting a story here someday. It was way more interesting than Mistral, and way different than Vale and all the time she'd spent at Beacon. Yep, Beacon was overplayed, but Argus was fresh and new. She definitely wanted to spend more time in Argus, she just didn't know how yet.

Disembarking from their ride, Ruby still had no idea where they were going. It was all part of her life philosophy of flying by the seat of her pants, not knowing what she was doing or where she was going until it became immediately relevant. She'd stolen that trait from Yang after all her fun personality and sense of adventure had been lost along with her right arm. Ruby would be very careful to never lose an arm now, as that was where your personality was stored. She'd say that Cinder had lost hers too upon losing her left arm, but she never had one to begin with so whatever.

"We should probably start looking for a ship," Blake said to Yang in the most heavy-handed way of foreshadowing their ship possible.

"So where have you guys been staying?" Oscar asked as he descended the trolley stairs, Jaune following close behind.

The blond boy scratched the back of his head nervously, but before he could respond some strange blonde lady behind them called out to them. "There you are!"

Jaune and the rest all turned around to see a blonde woman waving.

"Is that…?" Yang asked.

"Hey, Saph…"

"Adrian, look who's here!" the mysterious blonde girl cooed to the young child in her arms. "Let's go say hi to daddy!"

All eyes fell on Jaune, who looked even more nervous and embarrassed than before. Ruby, who had only a second ago been about to gush over the fact that this girl must have been Jaune's sister, was suddenly speechless. Vomit boy was a father!?

Vomit boy had scored!?

His face said it all.

"What the actual fuck!" Weiss shrieked.

Author's Note: Special thanks go out to my friend Shadowwhat for helping me fine tune the song. This may seem hard to believe, but the only reason I wrote this story was that so I could write a parody of "Be Our Guest". That's how much I like memes and shitposting.

So this is the latest installment in my super rare pair Jaune stories. Let's see, we've done Trifa, Jinn, female Ozpin, and now Terra. I have ideas for Fiona and Octavia, maybe someday they'll get done too.

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this weird little one shot. Happy Shitpost Saturday.

Thanks for reading.