Do I really have to keep explaining that I don't own anything copyrighted?

Vertical Horizon-Everything You Want

Somewhere there's speaking
It's already coming in
Oh and it's rising at the back of your mind
You never could get it
Unless you were fed it
Now you're here and you don't know why

But under skinned knees and the skid marks
Past the places where you used to learn
You howl and listen
Listen and wait for the
Echoes of angels who won't return

He's everything you want
He's everything you need
He's everything inside of you
That you wish you could be
He says all the right things
At exactly the right time
But he means nothing to you
And you don't know why

You're waiting for someone
To put you together
You're waiting for someone to push you away
There's always another wound to discover
There's always something more you wish he'd say

He's everything you want
He's everything you need
He's everything inside of you
That you wish you could be
He says all the right things
At exactly the right time
But he means nothing to you
And you don't know why

But you'll just sit tight
And watch it unwind
It's only what you're asking for
And you'll be just fine
With all of your time
It's only what you're waiting for

Out of the island
Into the highway
Past the places where you might have turned
You never did notice
But you still hide away
The anger of angels who won't return

He's everything you want
He's everything you need
He's everything inside of you
That you wish you could be
He says all the right things
At exactly the right time
But he means nothing to you
And you don't know why

I am everything you want
I am everything you need
I am everything inside of you
That you wish you could be
I say all the right things
At exactly the right time
But I mean nothing to you and I don't know why
And I don't know why
Why
I don't know

Chapter 7: Life and the Pursuit of Happiness

Nessie

I can hear an older rock song blaring from one of the parked vehicles as Bella and I pull in beside Charlie's cruiser. The smaller children are chasing clouds of bubbles across the grass while older kids lazily pass a football around. Adults mill about the field in clusters, chatting and laughing. It reminds me of the backyard parties my dad and I used to attend.

The bittersweet thought echoes in my chest as Bella shuts off the big red beast and flashes me a smile, "Are you ready to have some fun before the rain comes back?"

"Definitely," I can't help but answer her grin with one of my own as I reach for the door handle, "I even made sure to put a first aid kit in the bed for when you inevitably hurt yourself."

"Brat," she huffs and promptly trips over her own feet as she exits the truck.

"Another random gravity check Bells?" a new voice laughs and I look over to see Jake trotting up whilst my sibling clings to the door for dear life, "I heard those things lay in wait to ambush poor, unsuspecting klutzes."

"Comedians, the both of you," she grouses upon righting herself then reaches for the cooler stowed in the back.

"Here, let me," the Quileute boy rushes to relieve her of her burden, "Who knows when gravity will strike again, after all."

"Gee thanks," she smiles and reaches for a few shopping bags instead.

"Never a problem Bells," he beams back.

Knowing my input would be fairly useless at the moment, I simply gather what Bella leaves then follow after the pair.

"So I thought you had to work all weekend," Jake comments as we near the row of tables already laden with food.

"My boss unexpectedly gave me the day off," she explains, waving to a group who call out a greeting, "So when dad told us about Harry's party, I was happy for the chance to get Ness and myself out and about for a bit."

Looking around as he sits down the cooler, he notices my presence for the first time, "Hey Nessie. Welcome to your first party on the rez."

I refuse to acknowledge the blood rushing to my face, even as my head involuntarily dips, "Thanks Jake."

His attention is already gone, dark gaze focused on my elder sibling, "Are you going to come out with us to ride dirt bikes later?"

She shrugs one thin shoulder, "I'm not really sure I'm coordinated enough to ride one, to be honest. I've only been riding a few times with Phil and Ness, and those were just those little mini bikes. You should take her instead, she's great on a bike."

"You ride?" he swivels around to face me.

I give a slow nod and a shrug of my own, "My dad had me on 50cc mini bikes from the time I was four or five and we moved on to bigger bikes when I could finally reach the pegs. It wasn't competitive or anything, we just went out on the trails a couple times a year for fun."

"If you don't bring her with you, I'm more than happy to," another boy grins as he strolls over and extends a hand,"I'm Seth. You must be the little sister Bella and Charlie have talked about."

"Guilty as charged," I give his hand a shake and smirk, "And yes, I really am as awesome as they've said."

"Did you really get suspended from your fourth grade graduation for punching a racist in the mouth?" he queries, blindsiding me.

"There's more to the story than that, but ultimately yes," I admit with a sigh, earning a few chuckles from those close enough to hear.

"Did your dad really take you to Disneyland as a reward?" Jake probes.

"No, we actually went to the zoo," I clarify and roll my eyes, "The website who published that story made up ninety nine percent of the article because I managed to hit the kid of some jerk who was running for public office in our district."

"Girls shouldn't fight," a young woman snarks from the other end of the tables, "We're better than that. Well, most of us are."

"Racists don't care what gender you are," I retaliate with a scoff, "And a little FYI: the kid I hit? They just happened to be a girl too. I guess she didn't have someone like you around to tell her she couldn't be a raging asshole because she has tits."

"Only crude people use foul language," she spits back with a haughty expression, "Cursing also displays a lack of intelligence."

"That's funny," I snort out a laugh, "Because multiple scientific studies from accredited universities have found that people who cuss are generally more creative and intelligent than those who-"

The growing tension is forcibly purged as new voices shout, "Bella!"

Suddenly two more boys rush over to exchange hugs and raucous greetings with my elder sibling, successfully separating me from the venomous harpy long enough for her to escape. Whilst I mutely seethe and will my anger back into its cage, Seth quietly explains the newcomers are Quil Ateara and Embry Call, Jake's best friends.

As the group begins chatting merrily, even pulling Seth into the conversation, I quietly move away to sit on a rock resting close to the treeline. The unexpected line of questioning has left me a bit rattled because the friend I fought against the racist bitch for had died not long afterwords. Leukemia.

And the last thing that awful girl ever said to him was that he was faking being sick to cover for having to shave his head to get rid of the lice his family brought with them when they came here illegally from Mexico. He was from Puerto Rico. His mama was a National Guardsmen and his mom was-

"You doing okay kid?" the unexpected question startles me out of my spiraling thoughts. I glance up to see a smiling yet tired looking young woman holding a cup out toward me.

"Just having a broody teenager moment," I return the smile and accept the cup, "Our brains cease to function if we don't have at least one episode every few hours, especially younger teens."

"Ain't that the damn truth," she chuckles and takes a seat on the rock to my left, "Charlie saw you sitting over here alone and got a little wide eyed so I offered to come check up on you. I'm Leah, Seth's sister."

"Nessie, but you probably knew that already," I feel slightly stupid for stating the obvious.

"Yeah but it's nice to meet you finally," she says then takes a sip of her drink, "Charlie has talked you up so much, I was kind of expecting a red haired Xena to come screaming onto the scene. Is it true you broke a karate instructors arm in four places during a competition?"

"It was an accident!" I spew out before I can stop myself, "I was practicing my kata over in the corner of an empty room with my earbuds in and got caught up in the music. I didn't realize I was going full tilt until I kicked out and hit her. It was really embarrassing actually, but I'm glad it was my foot that hit her instead of one of my kamas."

"That would have been nasty," Leah comments then nods toward my sibling and her gaggle of admirers, "So why aren't you over there kicking some ass? I heard Melody was being her usual charming self a little while ago."

"I don't actually like picking physical fights with people," I tell her with a sigh and squash the urge to pull out a cigarette, "A few nasty words are no big deal, but instigating a physical confrontation with someone like her? That's like firing a tank shell at someone holding a nerf pistol just to prove you have a bigger gun."

"I like that analogy," she smiles again, "Mind if I steal it?"

"It's not copyrighted or anything, so feel free," I shrug a shoulder, "My dad used to say shit like that all the time, so I've got a million more of them in my verbal arsenal."

"I'll have to hit you up when I need a new one then," she gets to her feet and gestures for me to follow, "We're all going down to the beach while the sun is out and I'm not going to let you sit here by yourself, so get your ass up and come on. Don't make me call some of the others to carry you because then you'll end up in the water for sure."

"Spoken like a true big sister," I chuckle and follow after her.

As we stroll down the winding and rough cut path, the sounds of small engines firing up echo through the trees.

"Jared and the boys must be back with the gas," Leah states and her steps slow before she looks my way, "I may have to duck out of this early to avoid some awkward shit, please don't think I'm ditching you because I'm an asshole."

"Anything I can help with?" I have to offer after how kind she's been.

"Not this time," she blows out a weighted breath and her shoulders slump, "It's really personal and I wasn't expecting the problem to be here already, that's all."

"We could go walk that trail instead, if you'd like," I suggest, pointing to a slight trail snaking its way into the forest, "Avoid the awkwardness together."

Her head swivels back and forth between the two options for a moment, then gives a defeated nod, "Sure. I'll show you the cliffs we dive off of sometimes, how about that?"

"Sounds fantastic," I admit and gesture for her to take the lead.

About a hundred yards into the woods, she abruptly stops and rifles through the pockets of her cargo pants until she pulls out, to my surprise, a pack of cigarettes and a lighter. She holds them up a tad nervously, "Do you mind?"

"Only if you don't mind that I smoke one of my own," I retrieve my smokes and spark one before she can deny me the chance, "It'll be our dirty little secret."

"Fair enough," she lights hers before resuming our walk, "I know it's a terrible habit, but fuck it, it's a better option than eating a bullet."

"Not to mention my dealer was out of the good Tide pods," I quip, earning a quiet chuckle, "I miss the good ole days of unlimited cherry flavored detergent and crispy paint chips. Now everything is so bland and doesn't kill you nearly as slow. Damn those FDA regulations, trying to keep us all alive and relatively safe."

"Has anyone ever told you that you have a twisted sense of humor?" she asks as we reach a fork and she directs us toward the trail veering off to the right.

"Yeah, yeah. It's usually followed by something like 'Now untie me and let me go and I promise I won't call the cops', but you know how critics can be," I fire off without missing a beat, earning myself both a gasp and a guffaw, "The priest also said I needed to work on my acceptance of healthy criticism, but then the crack kicked in and I couldn't understand most of what else he was mumbling. All I could decipher was something about Billy washing up."

"You are a terrible person," she manages between fits of laughter that are causing her to stumble a bit.

"You assume I am a person, you naughty girl," I retaliate with a chastising finger waggle, "No ma'am, I'm actually a meat popsicle and therefore am immune to your puny human laws of decency."

"Oh my god, you're a riot," she snickers as the trees begin to give way to grass and rock, "I mean, I'd heard some of Charlie's stories about you, but I didn't expect you to be even more out there than he explained."

"At least I'm not boring?" I flash her a grin and yet another shrug. I really need to stop shrugging at everything.

"Definitely not boring," she agrees just as a clap of thunder booms overhead, "Well shit. There goes walking the cliffs. It will get too slippery for us the moment the rain starts."

At her words, the sky cracks a second time, then a wall of rain surges to life at the treeline.

"Well, I guess it's time for my annual shower," I sigh and peer at the canopy looming above us, "At least we're not the poor sods scrambling on the beach right now. Bella is going to be pissed and Jake's going to be privy to a human reenactment of what it's like trying to baptize a cat. I almost feel sorry for him."

"I know that tone," Leah gives me a sideways glance as we begin our return journey, "How long have you liked him?"

"Only since the day he and Billy dropped off Bella's big red beast," I answer honestly, stepping around a cluster of tree roots, "It's silly and I know he will never look at me the way he does Bells, but sometimes you can't help what you want. Even when you know you will never have it."

"Yeah, it fucking sucks," she morosely agrees, shortening her stride so I can keep up without tripping and falling, "But at least he didn't leave you for her, then make you see them together all the damn time while they act like the perfect happy couple who didn't mutually stab you in the back to get where they are. Grind fucking salt and alcohol into the shredded hole where your heart used to be and then have everyone tell you that you're being the unreasonable one because you don't know how many more times you can put yourself through that kind of torture before you decide none of it is worth it anymore."

Understanding floods my psyche and I simply nod, "Yeah, at least I have that."

By the time we reach the clearing, the adults have erected a cluster of tarp pavilions that people are now gathering under. The structures are loosely huddled around the back porch of the house with the entire scene swathed in smoked from the charcoal grills.

Bella is still entrenched with Jake and their friends and I don't want to annoy Leah with my continued presence, so I falter at the fringes of the gathering. Uncertainty glues me in place, and it's not a feeling I enjoy.

I begin to cave and follow Leah, like a pathetic ginger puppy, but she is captured by two older women and dragged away before I can save her. I then contemplate joining Bella for a second time, but I can't muster the strength to endure Jake's adulation of her right now, so I pivot around and stage a full out retreat to my sister's truck.

The clash of cool rain and warm humidity already have the windows completely fogged over as I hunker within the big red beast. I slump into the worn upholstery and busy myself with checking for messages on my phone until a knock on the window nearly rockets me through the roof.

"Sorry about that," I hear Jake chortle as he opens the driver's side door and slides into the cab. He offers me a bright smile whilst he situates himself and shakes the rain from his long braids, "I needed to talk to you for a minute about something important, something I think you are the only person who has the answers I need."

"Sure," my heart promptly begins performing a caffeine fueled rendition of Riverdance in my chest and my palms remember they have sweat glands. I adjust myself into a more upright position and twist to face him fully, "What do you need?"

"I wanted to ask you a very serious question, but I had to wait until no one could hear us talking," his eyes cautiously dart around for a minute and he takes several deep breaths before leaning forward, "Is your sister dating anyone right now? I want to ask her out today, before you guys leave, but I don't want to embarrass myself if she's already with somebody. I don't mean to put you on the spot like this Nessie, so I'm sorry if it's awkward, but if anyone would know if Bella's single, it would be you, right?"

My insides shatter like a mirror slamming into concrete.

"She's not with anyone, as far as I know," I do my best to offer him a smile and hope he can't see the devastation his words have just wrought, "But you should know that Bella doesn't date. She thinks dating in high school is a superfluous distraction reserved for people who can't control their hormones long enough to get a proper education. Her words, not mine."

"Do you think that she might make an exception for me?" the hope in his eyes eviscerates my innards like a thousand serrated blades.

"Anything is possible Jake," I hear myself say even as I want to dissolve into the seat rather than ever speak another word, "All I can say is go find out. And good luck."

"Thanks Ness," he grins and throws the door wide again, "I owe you one, a big one, for this."

"Don't worry about it," I choke out as he leaps out and closes the door, "Free of charge."

The tears begin to fall as his figure is swallowed by the mist and rain.

Eventually the pattering on the roof lulls me into a fitful sleep, only to be jolted awake when Bella climbs into the driver's seat while mimicking an angry ferret.

"I wondered where you wandered off to earlier," she comments whilst starting the truck and flipping on the windshield wipers, "I saw you with Leah before we went to the beach, but you weren't with her when she left a little while ago. That bored?"

"Sure," I draw on my seat-belt and buckle in, "So I'm guessing the bonfire is canceled?"

"Well it turns out fire and water don't play together very well," she bobs her head and puts the beast in gear, "Temperature's dropped at least ten degrees since the rain started too, so now everyone is wet and cold. Not very conducive for a fun evening, so they're rescheduling it for another weekend."

"Cool," I mumble and ignore her glare as I reach for a smoke and light it, "So we're heading home then?"

"Unless there's somewhere else you would like to go," she retorts, still eyeballing the cancer stick in my hand.

"No, I'm good," I assure her then open the window a tad before resting my head against the glass.

We slowly make our way off the reservation and are nearing our section of town when she speaks again, "Do you want to talk about it?"

"Not right now," I squeeze my eyelids shut to prevent the traitorous tears from escaping again, "I just want to get home and put some dry clothes on. Maybe work on my history essay a bit before heading to bed early."

"I know you know what Jake did tonight," my elder sibling presses and I just want to scream until she goes away.

Instead I shrug a shoulder and flick my ash out of the window, "And I said I don't want to talk about it right now. Not ever, if you want the truth."

"You don't want to talk about it in general, or you don't want to talk to me about it?" Leah was right about the salt and alcohol in the wound. Still, I try not to lose my composure because I know she isn't being deliberately malicious.

"Pick one," I command hoarsely as my fortitude starts to fail me anyway, "Just leave me alone."

"For now," she concedes and allows the sound of rain to fill the air.