Chapter 19: In which James and Lily define their relationship

James took the stairs to the boys' dormitory two at a time, then paused outside their door to take a moment to compose himself. He was grinning too widely, bouncing too much – even for someone as high-energy as he usually was. And while he was extremely proud of what he'd just done with Lily, he wasn't going to just walk into the room crowing like a cock at sunrise.

He smirked to himself. Too bad he couldn't share that particular pun with Sirius just yet.

Satisfied that he'd gotten himself under control, James casually pushed open the door with an, "All right, lads?"

He was greeted by silence. The room was empty.

James huffed out a sigh of equal parts annoyance and relief. They seemed to have gone to lunch without him. When they'd lived together, they'd hardly ever eaten a meal apart. But now he was out of sight, out of mind, he supposed.

He hurried to the Great Hall and, as suspected, found the other Marauders at the Gryffindor table, along with Dorcas and Marlene.

"Oi, thanks for waiting for me," James said, giving Sirius a gentle shove as he sat down. "I like lunch, too, you know."

"Don't blame me, I tried to reach you through the mirror!" Sirius said, looking offended. "I guess you were too busy to answer."

"Oh." James' face flushed at the memory of what exactly he'd been busy with. "I took Evans flying after breakfast, and we got caught in the rain. I forgot to grab my mirror when I got back upstairs."

Marlene laughed. "Oh no, poor Lily! Just when she'd started to like flying!"

James reached for the saag aloo that had appeared on the table only moments after he sat down, silently thanking Merlin for the house elves' peculiar brand of magic. "She still had a good time," he said, and he couldn't stop the grin that spread across his face. "I even let her steer for a bit, right before the storm started. She loved it."

Remus' eyes snapped to James'. James blinked, startled by the intensity of Remus' gaze, then nonchalantly began spooning the white rice onto his plate with his delicious spinach-and-potatoes dish. He thought he saw Remus smirk out of the corner of his eye.

"Wow! A few weeks ago, she was terrified of it!" Dorcas was saying, unaware of James and Remus' silent exchange. "But I know she's been loving it, she's even got me wanting to try flying again."

"I'll take you, Dor," Marlene said, tilting her head to rest briefly on top of her girlfriend's fluffy hair.

Dorcas smiled. "Thanks, babe."

"Look at you two," Sirius said, rolling his eyes affectionately. "Makes me wish I was into Prongs, dating your best friend looks fun."

"You mean you two aren't dating already?" Peter quipped, and Remus and the girls giggled.

"Maybe once upon a time," Sirius said dramatically, "but he's ditched me for Evans. Can't even find this lad for lunch these days, he's always busy with Head Boy duties and such." He snickered.

"Fuck off," James said lightly, but his face felt warm. "I'm here now, aren't I?"

"In body if not in spirit." Sirius winked. "So, shall we do something fun this afternoon?" He raised an eyebrow and looked around the table at his friends.

James fought the goofy smile that threatened to take over his face as he wondered if his afternoon would include more time on the sofa with Lily. But he'd just told her they didn't have to rush, so perhaps he'd leave her alone for at least a few hours. Plus, he should spend some time with the Marauders, since they were giving him so much guff about it.

Play it cool with Evans. Hang out with the lads. He could do that.

He shrugged. "I haven't got plans."

He thought he caught Remus looking at him knowingly again, but the other boy only said, "Great. Shall we play some cards, then?"

"Snap or poker?" Sirius asked. "Or Matching Magic?"

Peter shook his head, disappointment in his eyes. "I can't, I've got to study the growth stages of Fwoopers before Care of Magical Creatures tomorrow," he said. "Thought I might head to the library."

"Oh, we'll join you, Pete," Dorcas said, "I've got Runes homework, and I'm sure Marley has the same Creature Care assignment as you do."

"I wanted to go hang out in our room," Marley said with a slight pout. "I know enough about Fwoopers already. Baby Fwoopers—adorable, blind, harmless. Adult Fwoopers—still adorable but quite literally will drive you mad with their singing."

Dorcas giggled. "There's probably a bit in between that, yeah? I imagine Kettleburn is looking for specifics."

"Right, like what about their color?" Peter asked anxiously. "Doesn't it change over time? They're born sort of pale before they get to one of the four main colors, aren't they? And exactly when does the singing start to drive you mad?"

"Argh, Pete," Marlene said, rolling her eyes. "You're going to convince my girlfriend I've got to study, aren't you?"

It was sweet, the way Dorcas beamed at the label. She shot Marlene an adoring look as she said, "I didn't need convincing." Marlene pouted some more.

"Oh, I mean, I don't know!" Peter squeaked. "Marlene's ace at Creatures, I just know I've got to get to the library. That's all."

Marlene sighed. "No, you're probably right, Pete. I should crack a book for this one."

"I mean, it is for your career!" Dorcas exclaimed. "Anyway, we spent all morning hanging out upstairs, we've got to do some work today. It's Sunday."

"All right, all right."

Dorcas stood from her seat, and Marlene followed, still grumbling good-naturedly. Dorcas smiled. "What about you, Remus? Have you already done the Runes assignment?"

"Yep, finished it this morning," Remus said. "If you want to go over it later, though, come find me."

"Brilliant. Cheers, lads." She, Marlene, and Peter left the Great Hall, presumably heading for the library.

"So, up for some cards, Prongs?" Remus asked again.

"Sure," James said, shrugging. "Just let me finish my lunch."

"Of course." Remus nodded and leaned forward casually, folding his hands loosely on the table. "Sounds like you and Lily had a good time earlier."

James almost choked on a potato. "What? I mean, yeah, she really likes flying now," he said, his hand jumping to his hair.

Sirius laughed. "Yeah, all right, flying. She 'really likes' anything involving you."

"Well, maybe." James blushed and tousled his hair again, and that goofy smile started to spread across his face. "Things are good between us."

"I'm glad," Remus said. "I wasn't sure she'd ever pull her head out of her arse and accept the inevitable."

James wanted to agree whole-heartedly, but suddenly he realized he and Lily hadn't precisely defined what they were to each other now. His smile faltered, and he looked down at his plate. What inevitability was Remus talking about? The same one James imagined, which, come to think of it, Lily hadn't necessarily accepted?

Maybe he shouldn't have told her they had all the time in the world. That sounded an awful lot like he was talking about forever, and while he was, sort of, Lily was still skittish. What if she pulled away from him again?

He plastered on a smile, though it felt a bit false to him now. "Of course," he said, aiming for charmingly arrogant with his tone. "It's impossible not to be friends with me."

Remus narrowed his eyes thoughtfully. Sirius let out another loud laugh.

"Evans held out pretty well though, didn't she?"

"She did, but we're good now," James said, still projecting confidence.

He just hoped that confidence wasn't misplaced.

After a few hours of bantering with his friends and playing every card game Remus had suggested (Matching Magic was a memory-testing game using Chocolate Frog cards), James went back upstairs, using the excuse that he had a Potions essay to finish. It was true, but he could write that essay in his sleep – it was about Polyjuice Potion, and he knew far more about that potion than he should. So instead of heading to his desk to write, when he got up to the Head dormitories, James went and knocked on Lily's bedroom door.

She didn't answer. She may have been in the library, or perhaps she'd gone to find a late lunch. He thought about going to look for her but decided against it. He was playing it cool. He'd see her at supper time, or later that evening.

Unfortunately, when he joined the other Marauders for supper, Lily, Marlene, and the other girls were already at the Gryffindor table finishing up their meal.

"Hey, there," James said, greeting the table with a round of nods. He sat down across from Lily and couldn't help smiling as he asked her, "All right, Evans?"

A soft pink blush spread over her pale cheeks. "I'm all right, Potter. How are you?"

"Fantastic," James replied. "Busy day?"

Remus coughed, and James felt his neck heating up, wondering what the other boy kept insinuating. Lily didn't seem to notice. She gave him a shrug and a smile as she pushed her plate, empty except for a bit of Cornish pasty crust, away from her and rested her elbows on the table.

"Yeah," she said, nodding. "I did a bit of Charms, and that Potions essay took me forever."

"I could've helped," James said. "I know a lot about Polyjuice Potion."

Lily raised her eyebrows and grinned, her eyes twinkling. "As usual, I'm sure I don't want to know why."

"You don't!" Sirius said cheerfully. "But don't worry, duckie, we haven't broken any laws."

"Yet," Remus quipped.

Everyone laughed, and Lily shook her head. The other girls were pushing their plates away, as well, and then Dorcas and Marlene stood up. "Well, we're heading back upstairs. Are you girls coming?"

"Aye, I've got a bit of Charms to finish myself, but first I've got to read the new issue of Mates magazine."

"I don't know about your priorities, Mare," Dorcas said, giggling.

"Ooh, that's the one with ABBA on the cover, isn't it? I want to read it!" Evelyn said. "You know how much I love Muggle magazines."

"Call it research, aye?" Mary said. "For when you apply to the Prophet as the correspondent for Muggle affairs."

"Or you could do your actual Muggle Studies homework," Dorcas chided, but she was still smirking, and Evelyn cheerfully waved her off with a flick of her wrist.

"ABBA's going to release an album this year, aren't they?" asked Lily. "I bet it'll be fab."

"Totally! So, the three of us will look at Mates and listen to ABBA's last record while those two—" Evelyn gestured at Marlene and Dorcas "—do their schoolwork or something."

"We've done our work already, we went to the library earlier," Marlene said, giving her a silly, self-satisfied look. "You oughta give it a try."

"It's so quiet in the library," Mary said, shuddering. "Makes me nervous."

"And we can't talk about ABBA in there," Lily teased, the corners of her eyes crinkling with her smile.

"Fine, not the library!" Marlene said. "Go wherever you'd like, just stay out of the room for an hour or so, eh?" She grinned, and the boys and Mary laughed. Dorcas blushed.

"Don't act like you can't snog in bed just 'cause we're in the room," Evelyn said, arching a blonde eyebrow. "Didn't stop you last night, did it?"

"Oi!" Marlene cried, and the boys laughed some more.

"All right, Dorcas!" James said, waggling his eyebrows.

"Oh, for the love of Godric," Dorcas muttered, covering her face with her hands. "Someone Vanish me, please."

"It's fine, Dorcas, we dinnae mind," Mary said soothingly, and Evelyn giggled. Mary stood from the table. "So, we're all heading upstairs, then, aye? No need to sit here bickering when we could be listening to ABBA."

The other girls stood and gathered the few things they'd brought to supper, then left as a group, Marlene holding one of Dorcas' hands while Dorcas kept the other pressed to her face. She turned and waved goodbye to the boys, the other girls following suit as they left the Great Hall. James thought Lily gave him a little extra smile before she turned to follow. He imagined tucking it in the pocket of his robes for safekeeping.

After supper, he thought about knocking on Lily's door again, but he didn't. He hoped she'd come knock on his, but she didn't, either.

His sleep was restless.

In the morning, he decided he'd had enough of playing it cool. Up early, as usual, he waited in the Heads' lounge until Lily appeared from her room on her way to breakfast.

She looked surprised to see him, but she smiled. "Morning, Potter."

"All right, Evans?" His hand leapt to his hair. "Listen, I forgot to ask you something yesterday."

"Oh, yeah?" Her brow furrowed. "What's that?"

"Will you go out with me?"

Lily's face turned fully scarlet. "Potter!"

"What?" James reached up and gave his hair another rub. "I just thought we might make it official, you know. Yesterday was perfect. And then later I realized I didn't know if you wanted to do it again as much as I do, or what we even are now, or if I could say anything to the lads about us."

"Dear Merlin." Lily bit her bottom lip, thinking. "I—don't know. I suppose you can, yeah."

"Say something to the lads?" James grinned, knowing she'd answered the most shallow of his three questions. "And what exactly can I tell them?"

Lily stopped chewing her lip and smiled impishly. "Oh, I dunno. That I snogged your brains out on the sofa yesterday?" she drawled, holding a smug expression for a beat before bursting into laughter. "No, no, don't say that." She took a deep breath. "But you can tell them…that we're going together."

James let out a cheer and pumped his fist. "Brilliant!"

But Lily held up a hand. "But let's not tell the whole school, all right?"

James deflated a bit. "What? Why not?"

"I don't know." She squirmed. "I'm not sure if it's proper, for the Head Boy and Head Girl to be dating. It's sort of unprofessional, isn't it?"

"Evans, I thought that was just an excuse you were using to stop snogging me before! As long as we don't shag in the prefects' office—" he felt his face heat, and he tousled his hair "—I don't think there's anything unprofessional about us dating."

"It could distract us from our duties!"

"Then we won't do rounds together anymore, if that's what you want," James said with an exasperated smile. "We'll keep our Head duties entirely separate from our relationship, all right?"

Lily paused, thinking. "All right," she said, after a moment, "but we still shouldn't tell anyone, at least not for a while."

James cocked his head to one side and studied her. Her lower lip looked red and full where her teeth were pressed into it, and her forehead was creased with worry. He stepped forward and bent his knees, slouching so he could slide his arms around her waist. Holding her there, he leaned back a bit to look into her eyes. "What's the matter, Evans? Do you not want to date me?"

"No, it's not that! I want to. I'm just…scared." She whispered the last word.

"Scared of what, the prefects finding out? I really don't think it would be that big of a deal. And I promise I'll be professional in public, I won't embarrass you." He gave her a lopsided smile.

But she shook her head. "It's not that," she repeated softly. "Not just the prefects, but there's a lot of people who wouldn't want us together, you know? You're a pureblood wizard, and your family is still very well-respected, even if you don't believe any of that blood-supremacy rubbish. And I'm" –her breath hitched, and she swallowed hard— "a Muggle-born girl with no parents."

"Aw, Evans." James straightened up and pulled her more tightly into a hug, brushing a kiss along her hairline as he did so. "You know I don't give a toss about blood purity or the fact that you're Muggle-born. You've always been fucking brilliant, and you know I think so." He pressed another kiss to her forehead. "But I'm so, so, sorry about your parents, love. I can't even imagine how you feel."

She sighed and leaned against his shoulder, her face in the crook of his neck. "Alone, mostly," she whispered. "And like—like I've got to figure out how to make it on my own now. I've no family to rely on. I don't belong to the Muggle world anymore, but I don't know if I belong here, either."

"Of course you do," James said fiercely. "You're a witch. And we're your family. Your girlfriends, the Marauders. You're not alone."

"You say that now." She stood and pulled away from him. "But you know a lot of people won't accept me outside of Hogwarts. It's getting harder and harder for Muggle-borns to find work. Once we leave school, I may have to go back to the Muggle world and leave you all behind just to survive. 'Cause if I stay here and you try to help me, I'd just be making us both into targets."

"I'm not scared of Death Eaters or anyone else, Evans. Not when it comes to being with you." He reached out and took her hand. "I want to be with you," he said, "and I expect I always will."

Lily's green eyes were glassy, and so, so worried. "I want to be with you, too," she said. "I just don't want us to put ourselves in danger. So, promise me you'll keep it a secret from everyone but our friends, all right? At least for now. I just couldn't bear it if someone attacked you because of me."

"All right," James agreed, reluctantly. "We'll keep it a secret, for now."

"Thank you," Lily said. She put her arms around his neck and her head on his shoulder again, and James felt her body relax.

It felt so natural, like she'd been made to fit exactly in that spot. But knowing that she wasn't sure she fit anywhere, at all, made it hard for James to be as excited as he wanted to be that Lily Evans was his girlfriend.

AN: Hi everyone! Thank you so much, and welcome to my new readers! As you may know, I usually post every Saturday, but I'm currently dealing with an important family matter. Everything and everyone is fine, but I won't be able to post regularly for a while. But this story is NOT abandoned! I will be back and I will finish it, I love it too much not to. Hope to see you all soon xo (6 Sept. 2020)