Disclaimer:

I do not own any characters of JK Rowling nor do I make any money off of Harry Potter, I am not rich or British or blond (I would make a terrible blond). Just your average American doing this for a laugh, well this is for a laugh after all.

Summary:

A series of one-shots about the magical world writing fan-fiction, it goes as badly as one would think, and that is the point.

So I see so many bad Dumbledore stories out there and wonder what would happen if say Dumbledore or someone else found fan fiction as it were? So here is my take on that, I see Dumbledore having a ball bashing himself. We know he has a sense of humor and so do others. While there are wonderful stories out there about the very things those in the HP world are writing about, the stories they are writing are not.

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He had been foiled all his glorious plans for not. He glared at his enemy with hatred, his blue eyes like ice and his robes seeming to swell in color with his rage. He would not let this whelp get away with this! He was the great Albus Dumbledore and he would rule this world! This whelp no longer was a fun plaything but a monster that needed putting down. Yet his wand was broken and the thing, this Harry Potter was not using one! No! And he was ridding on a dragon with dragon riders behind him with his truest friends, the goblins who rode with him and called him king, master and the greatest wizard ever. Behind them on eagles rode hordes of hobbits….

Albus way too many names Dumbledore was the head of Hogwarts and that was it. He was not in the magical ministry or anything like that. He oversaw a very well run school with two heads of houses for the four houses, at least twenty professors and half as many day teachers. A caretaker and his wife, one hundred brownies and an eastern dragon that lived below the school, western dragons proved to be so unpredictable and had a tendency to go evil. Set on top of a hill with a town of thousands built right up against the outer wall of the school and farmlands all around, the whole place was charming and looked like it came out of a time long gone.

Now the magical and mundane world were not as separate as one would like. True students were banned from having mundane technology at the school but this was more to keep children focused on studies and not on those annoying smartphones. Those in fact were banned in nearly every magical school and place of work across the world, and no-one under 18 who was magical was allowed one. This meant that Dumbledore had a grand office with things from all over the world the latest a beautiful sculptor of Fawkes from his great, great, great grand niece who was five from America. Yet he had a problem at times and was bored and knew of the books about his world and had found fan fiction.

Now Dumbledore did not see himself as a good man, and so he chose to use fan fiction to bash himself. He did so in glorious fashion and beamed merrily when he saw how people would tear his creation of the most wicked, evil Dumbledore ever to shreds. He had to ask dear Harry for permission to include him and Harry and his relations had horrible awful things to say, per Harry and his relations permission of course. His latest story was all about him wanting the Potter fortune and everyone to worship him. Merlin he hated his fame and everyone knew that. So he just had to write these horrible things about himself. He saw a flash on his desk on the back of his nameplate and the name Harry James Potter the III.

"Come in Harry!" He said happily.

"I will figure out how you do that." Harry said walking in and taking a seat, "bored again?"

"This one is quite good, I am up to chapter seventeen, and this is the chapter I get caught! My have I been bad, everyone was spelled to love and obey me and did, you were in Azkaban and dying and Ginny, well she was as evil as the rest."

"The classic everyone betrays me and you led everyone to believe that?" Harry asked. "Make me die in this one, it would be amazing."

"If I do that then I will have to create a new account, again." Dumbledore said, "as always this is a T rating but very over the top."

"Yes, but you always let me live, let me win but die, that would be amazing." Harry replied smirking, "or make me evil too, I mean why not?"

"Are you bored?" Dumbledore asked eyes twinkling.

"Yes, and that twist will get people howling for blood." Harry replied, "besides it's funny."

"That it is and for the record I would never wear such gastly robes, why ever did you convince me to write myself doing something like that?"

Dumbledore looked down at his Merlin robes, he had on a simple dark blue over robe with a saffron colored under robe, this was belted with a brown belt and he had matching boots. His long white hair was carefully braided in one long plait and he had a blue cap on his head. His beard was long and snowy white and ended just above his belt. He had braided his mustache and looked more warrior than headmaster. His eyes twinkled and he sat back.

"So you turn evil, and then what?" Dumbledore asked.

"Well make everyone equal." Harry said, "after all the purebloods die of course."

"Purebloods, what a, dear me ridiculous term!" Dumbledore chuckled.

"As is the rights families have over women, honestly, there is a reason people want witches heads." Harry said, "female mages are so much more powerful and can't be bound that way."

"So true, but you can't deny it be so much fun to read and write about." Dumbledore said, "how is your betrothed marriage turning out?"

At this Harry burst out laughing, sure he was married to Ginny, but what some still did not get is that for a magical marriage to truly work each side had to love each other. If Ginny did not love him or he here, there might perhaps be one child had in that union. There were no betrothal contracts as Merlin himself found them too much like slavery and banned them. Harry loved Ginny and she him and they married for love and had five children, two boys and three girls. Betrothal contracts were part of the seven deadly curses.

"Stop that! Ginny finds that too funny." Harry replied, "everyone knows that magicals can't have multiple children unless they are in love, if they don't then there was a curse or they are too closely related."

"So Sirius Blacks parents." Dumbledore said.

"Yes, and that yuck! Andy and Ted had Polly and Ward, why ever Andy named her what she did, well."

"Yes and dear Bellatrix, she is a dear." Dumbledore said, "her twin sister on the other hand, well…"

"Bellatrix is not much better in terms of morals, sweet yes but I don't let her near me or my boys." Harry said "so back to the story."

This one was sixteen chapters of misery. Harry abused on Dumbledore's order, hexed and potions to subdue him, no real friends. They were not even after his money, no they enjoyed his suffering and everyone even Hagrid was in on it. He defeated Voldemort was thrown in Azkaban just because tormented and tortured there and escaped. From there he exposed Dumbledore and threw him it the cracks of Doom the same time Frodo was getting rid of the ring there.

"Wait that is the worst way to do a cross-over ever!" Harry said laughing.

"I know, beautiful isn't it?' Dumbledore said.

"You forgot the green stone." Harry said.

McGonagall would come by shortly and see the two laughing. She was not amused, really did not the headmaster have better things to do? She knew summer was not busy for him and that was when he did most of his writing but really, maybe he should have taken up other roles. Harry grinned at her and went back to plotting how to end this extremely over the top tale. It was well written and inspired so many others, but Harry could never call it good fan fiction. He guessed that was the point after all. There were others who did write better bad Dumbledore stories out there, but then they were not parodying and twisting their own life.

As Dumbledore lay dying on the fields of Gondor he could not help but think back on his wonderful life. He should have killed the babe and taken over the world. He died a bad death and Harry laughed. He would never marry himself but kidnap muggleborn babies and make them heirs to the Potter, Black, Fleamont, Gryffindor, Slytherin, Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff houses. Oh and Pendragon of course. He would rule the magical world with an iron fist while Aragon ruled Gondor in love.