Welcome everyone, I hope all of you are doing well during this tough period.

I've had this idea for a little while now so I decided to write it for you guys.

If this is the first piece of my writing you've seen, I have two other pieces of writing on here, a long Upstead story called 'I think we all know what's going on between them deep down' and another one shot called 'A feeling in my body that I only get around you.' So if any of you are looking for some Upstead content to read, feel free to check those out.

I hope you enjoy this, any feedback will be greatly appreciated.

Hailey had been back from New York for close to a month, she had instantly fallen back into her familiar routine when she got back from New York. However, she had noticed one change since getting back, she found herself wanting to be around Jay more, she wanted to be close to him, she wanted to spend as much of her free time with him after spending so long apart. Since getting back both of them had caught the other staring, the looks suggesting that they both wanted to be something more than friends, the sexual tension was high, but neither one of them wanted to make the first move, neither one of them wanting to put their feelings out into the open in fear that they were misreading the situation.

It was coming to the end of a frustrating week at work, they had been given a case that they had solved pretty quickly however, arresting the suspect was a different matter. Everyone knew that the main suspect was guilty but they didn't quite have enough clear cut evidence to be able to secure the case. All of the team worked tirelessly to find a way to tie the suspect down to the case and eventually after many hours of hard work they got the breakthrough that they were craving.

The team had just got back to the district after making the arrest, all of them tired after the frustrating week, all of them relieved that they finally got the suspect behind bars. "Right, so whose down for Molly's this evening? I think we could all do with a drink after that shitshow of a case." Ruzek called out as he finished off the arrest report on his computer.

"Me and Rojas will be there." Atwater shouted back as he and Rojas made their way out of the bullpen.

"That's what I like to hear Kev, first round is on you fella." Ruzek replied to his best friend just before they disappeared out of sight. "Kim, are you making an appearance tonight?" Ruzek spoke softly as he sat down on the corner of her desk, a signature Ruzek cheesy smile on his face.

"Yeah I'll stop by Adam, I'm not stopping for too long though." Kim responded with a weak smile as she lifted her attention from her pile of paperwork for a moment to meet Ruzek's cheesy smile.

"Halstead? Upton? You better be there tonight." Adam called out from his position on Kim's desk.

"Yeah, we'll be there don't worry Adam." Jay answered, earning an even wider smile from Ruzek who made his way back to his desk, grabbing his coat and leaving with Burgess, leaving Hailey and Jay alone in the bullpen.

"So you're answering for both of us now Halstead?" Hailey teased, a small rise smile on her lips as Jay's head shot up over the top of his monitor.

"I'm sure you're not going to decline a free whiskey, I know the way to your heart is breakfast or whiskey Upton." Jay fired back, his own cheeky grin forming on his lips.

"Whatever Halstead, I'm going to be expecting two free whiskeys after the week we've had." Hailey continued to tease Jay, the banter between the two of them was one of the main things that she missed while she was in New York, along with many other things of course.

"What makes you think that you deserve two free whiskeys Upton? I seem to remember I was the one who caught you when that coked up meat head tried to charge at you." Jay fired back once again, earning a glare from Hailey but she couldn't hold it for long as a slight laugh escaped her lips.

"Shut your mouth Halstead, I would've had that covered but you stepped in before I could do anything. Anyway you promised me a drink, don't you remember Tuesday night at your apartment? You lost the bet so you have to buy me a drink." Hailey continued to tease Jay.

"Fine, you win Upton. Do you want me to pick you up you up on the way to Molly's?" Jay questioned.

"I'm good thanks, I'll probably be there a little later as I need to ring my mom as well as my brother to wish him a happy birthday. But when I do get there I fully expect a whiskey on the rocks to be waiting at the empty space besides you." Hailey replied as she made a move to pack away her paperwork off of her desk.

Jay couldn't lie, hearing that Hailey wasn't going to be a Molly's until a little later upset him slightly. It was stupid but he couldn't help it, his feelings for her were stronger than ever before. Her time in New York had really sorted his head out and made him realise that he loved Hailey, and not just as a friend and partner. "Don't worry Hailey, I will save you your spot next to me and your whiskey will be waiting for you." Jay replied, a wide smile on his face as he turned his computer off and made his way out of the district with the woman he loved at his side.

Jay had just arrived at Molly's, it was just after eight in the evening. Jay felt a little disheartened when arriving at Molly's, he had held a little bit of hope in his body that Hailey would be there before him but Hailey had stayed true to her word meaning she wasn't here yet.

Jay had sat down his the members of the unit, he loved every single one of them, he loved spending time with them and sharing the banter that got thrown around but not one them compared to Hailey. He missed her vibrant blue eyes, the eyes that he would get lost in every time they shared a look, he missed her infectious laugh and her smile that would make a smile from on his lips whenever he saw it. If he was being honest, he just missed everything about her.

The team were joking around about another stupid thing that Ruzek had done this week when something, well someone caught Jay's attention. The person in question was someone that Jay hadn't expected to see, someone that he hadn't even known was back in Chicago. "Mouse? I had no... I had no idea you were back in Chicago." Jay exclaimed, his voice louder than intended from the emotions that had quickly filled his body, mixture of shock, excitement and happiness filling his body as his eyes settled on his best friend.

"Jay! It's so great to see you." Mouse replied, sounding just as excited as he walked up to Jay sharing a hug, the rest of the team smiling at the sight of Jay and Mouse hugging.

After pulling away from Jay, Mouse turned to face his former team members and good friends. "It's so great to see all of you again, I've missed all of you so much." Mouse spoke with a big smile on his face.

"Mouse, this is Vanessa Rojas, the newest member of our unit. Vanessa, this is Mouse, my best friend who I served with." Jay introduced, Mouse shaking hands with Vanessa as they shared a quick hello.

For the next twenty minutes the unit and Mouse shared some banter and Mouse had shared some stories about himself and Jay from their childhood, which earned a lot of laughter from everyone. Jay and Mouse split away from the group and took up there places on the corner of the bar, away from the others to have a quiet chat to themselves.

"I'm a little surprised to see you in Chicago Mouse, the last time we spoke you said you were on deployment until around the end of July. So correct me if I'm wrong but it's only early June." Jay started off.

"That was the original plan, but our deployment got cut short for some reason, I have no idea why but that's way above my pay grade. There is a reason why I'm here, I wanted to tell you this in person rather than you hearing it in any other way." Mouse explained, his body language and the look on his face was rapidly changing from the happiness and excitement from before, to one of sadness.

"Okay... go on Mouse." Jay replied, a little nervous at the sudden change in Mouse's body language.

"There's no easy way of saying this, a couple of weeks ago we were on a routine patrol with the ANA and we hit an IED. Most of us were alright but we lost Swanny Jay, we couldn't save him." Mouse explained, his voice getting quieter and quieter, a couple of tears formed and slowly trickled down his cheeks.

"Shit..." Was all Jay managed to say as he buried his face into his hands, his own tears forming as he tried to contemplate the news that Mouse had just revealed. It took Jay a few minutes to lift his head from his hands, when he did his eyes were red and slightly puffy.

"I'm so sorry Jay, I didn't want to ruin your good mood but I felt like you deserved to know from me, especially after everything we went through with Swanny." Mouse broke the silence between the two, his voice quiet and soft as he treaded lightly around Jay.

"No it's fine Mouse, I really appreciate you coming to tell me in person." Jay replied, slowly sipping on his whiskey, enjoying the slight burn of the amber liquid.

"How have you been doing recently Jay?" Mouse questioned, trying to move their conservation onto something a little bit lighter.

"I've been doing alright I guess, nothing's really changed since I last spoke to you a couple of months ago. How about you Mouse? How's your mom and dad doing?" Jay questioned.

"You know what my mom is like, she's always been a happy woman so nothing has changed. My dad hasn't changed from what he is like when we were kids, sometimes grumpy and sometimes happy but he's still happy doing the odd jobs here and there." Mouse explained.

Mouse and Jay re-joined the group after finished off their private chat. Jay had barely been with the others for longer than a couple of minutes but he just wanted to get out of here. His good mood had been completely turned upside down, he felt vulnerable and his mind was telling him to do what he normally would in times of sadness, run away and shut himself off from the people around him.

"I'm sorry guys, I'm going to call it an early night. I'll see you all soon." Jay excused himself as he swiftly made his way through the bar heading for the exit. Just as he was about to open the door of the bar a hand gripped his shoulder, the contact startled Jay and he quickly turned, his heart hoping that it would be Hailey.

"Jay, are you alright buddy?" Mouse questioned, a small warming smile on his lips.

"I'm fine Mouse, well maybe not fine but I... you know." Jay replied, his eyes begging Mouse to let him escape, too let him leave a place where he felt vulnerable.

"Yeah I know Jay, you just want to be alone right now, I understand. I'll see you soon brother." Mouse responded, he gave Jay a small smile and a pat on the shoulder before turning around and heading into the crowd of people that filled the bar.

Jay finally got into his truck and breathed out a massive sigh of relief, he no longer felt trapped around a group of people that he didn't want to show his vulnerable side to. Jay's hand moved to his pocket, took his phone out and unlocked his phone, his finger hovering over the call button to the one person he felt comfortable to show his vulnerable side to, Hailey.

Jay's finger was trembling as sit sat hovering above the call button, he didn't know what was scaring him. After a few moments Jay's finger finally made a move, he locked his phone, throwing it over onto the passenger seat as he started his truck and headed into the darkness.

Barely ten minutes had passed since Jay had left Molly's when Hailey finally arrived, she pretty much bounced into Molly's, she was that excited to spend some time with Jay. Within a couple of seconds of entering the bar Hailey mood soured, Jay wasn't there, he was nowhere to be seen.

"Hey guys, where's Jay?" Hailey questioned as she approached the table that the unit occupied.

"He left around ten minutes ago, just said he wanted to have an early night." Ruzek replied which instantly caused concern in Hailey's body, she knew Jay very well and she knew Jay wasn't a person who would call an early night when it wasn't a work night. Hailey immediately knew that something was up with Jay, something that she needed to help him through.

"Who was he with before he left?" Hailey questioned once again.

"He was having a private chat with Mouse before they re-joined us, but he was only with us for a couple of minutes before he left." Ruzek once again answered Hailey's question.

"I've gotta go, see you guys." Hailey announced as she pretty much ran out of the bar and to her car. Hailey had heard a lot about Mouse from Jay, she knew that they served together in the Rangers so she immediately got worried that whatever Jay had ran from was something to do with his army days.

Jay had just got home after the short drive from the bar, his whole body felt numb on the car journey home, all of the emotions had drained out of his body has he concentrated on the road. But once in the safety of his bedroom that when he felt his body fall apart, his body crashed against his bed as he started crying his eyes out against the mattress.

His mind started taking over his body, playing games with him, as he buried his head into the blanket, the darkness soon turned into a blinding brightness. He wasn't in Chicago anymore, his mind had taken him back to the one place where he never wanted to go again, Afghanistan.

Jay could almost feel the heat of the desert and the weight of his battle gear weighing down on his body. He could hear Mouse and Swanny joking with each other as they scanned the Afghan countryside through the bulletproof windows of the armoured truck. In reality Jay had how turned over to lie on his back, his eyes tightly closed as his nightmare was about to get a lot more dramatic.

Just as Jay felt like he was about to say something to Mouse there was a loud bang and everything went pitch black. Jay's crying got louder and louder as his body starting thrashing around against the bed, his hands gripping tightly against the bed sheets, his hands gripping that hard that his knuckles were slowly turning white.

The next thing Jay saw was someone hovering over him, he could feel the burning sensation all down the right side of his body and sharp pains every time he inhaled some oxygen. 'Stay with me Halstead, keep your eyes on me. You're not dying in this fucking shithole.' Swanny voice sounded in his head, Jay could feel his damp pants clinging to his body, soaked in blood from the shrapnel wounds caused by the blast.

Just when Jay felt like it was over, two quiet bangs startled him, he could hear someone saying his name but who that person was he had no idea. As he heard the bangs he could see two mortar rounds landing close to their position, Swanny yelling for some help.

A pause of a few seconds there was more bangs, each one sounding closer and closer to him. 'Fire in the hole.' Someone yelled as another set of bangs sounded, Jay could feel the heat and the shock waves of the two bombs dropping on the Taliban that were ambushing his rangers unit.

The next two minutes were hell for Jay, he could hear and feel each explosion of the nightmare that his mind was forcing upon him. His sharp cries pierced the silence of his bedroom as he heard the crackling of a 30mm cannon from an Apache overhead. Jay could hear the cries of pain from other soldiers as the sounds of bullets whizzing over his head and hitting the armoured vehicles got more intense each second that passed by. The shock waves of mortar rounds and RPG's felt closer and closer as the Taliban homed in on the rangers unit.

Just when it was about to get worse, Jay was snapped out of his nightmare as he felt someone's soft hand grip his shoulder, the person repeating his name over and over again in a quiet soft voice. Jay opened his eyes to try and see who was there, but his vision was obscured by the tears in his eyes. All he could make out as a dark outline of someone hovering to the side of his trembling body.

Hailey had never driven quicker to Jay's apartment in her life, the whole drive over she was nervous to what she might find. Hailey had witnessed first-hand on many occasions what effect Jay's army days had on him even after all of these years. She had seen the improvement in Jay since pushing him to go to therapy but even since then she had seen episodes where it all got too much for Jay, she was worried this could be another episode.

Hailey opted for the stairs over the lift when arriving at Jay's apartment complex, luckily Jay's apartment was only on the third floor so waiting for the lift would probably take longer.

"Jay?" Hailey called out as she knocked on the door to his apartment a couple of times. Hailey took a moment to listen closely, she couldn't hear anything from inside of his apartment, whether that was a good sign or not she wasn't sure. After a couple of minutes Hailey decided she needed to go in and check on Jay, whether he wanted her there or not. She unlocked the door with the key that Jay had given her and prepared for the worst.

Hailey made her way through Jay's apartment carefully, nothing seemed out of place, Jay's shoes and coat put away in the usual place, there was a lamp on in the corner of the living area. It was at this moment that Hailey heard jay crying out and the muffled sounds of thuds coming from his bedroom.

Hailey quickly approached the door to his bedroom, saying Jay's name quietly as she gently knocked on his door. Immediately after knocking she heard Jay's cries get louder and louder as well as thuds becoming more frequent and louder.

Hailey slowly opened the bedroom door and the sight in front of her broke her heart. Jay's body was violently thrashing against the mattress, his hair ruffled up and slightly damp in sweat, his face was covered in a glassy sheen in a mixture of sweat and tears, his face scrunched up.

Hailey carefully approached Jay's side, gently placing her hand on his shoulder as she slowly and quietly started to say his name. Jay's body immediately stopped thrashing and tensed up, freezing in place, his eyes shot open and settled on her body, the look in his eyes was something Hailey had only seen a couple of times before, he looked broken and scared.

"Hailey..." Jay let out as his voice cracked, his body still tense and rigid after going through a terrifying flashback.

"It's okay Jay, you're not alone, I'm here with you." Hailey replied softly, her voice barely above a whisper, she let out a slight warming smile as she felt Jay's body relax slightly into the softness of his bed. Hailey slowly sat down on the small space on the edge of his bed, taking his slightly trembling hand in hers, their eyes bolted onto one another's.

"Tell me where you just were Jay." Hailey broke the silence between them, her voice quiet and soft once again, she immediately noticed the hesitation in Jay's body language and the look on his face, she just clutched onto Jay's hand even tighter. "I know that you feel vulnerable right now Jay but I'm here for to help you Jay. I know that I'm the only person that you feel comfortable to talk to so please let me into whatever you just relived. I'm here for you right now and I'll always be here for you Jay, you'll will never be alone in this at any point." Hailey continued, she saw Jay's face softening as he prepared himself to let Hailey into a dark day in his life.

"One of my good friends from my rangers unit was killed in action a couple of weeks ago. The person who died is the one reason why I'm here today, he saved my life." Jay spoke, his voice cracking every couple of words.

"I'm so sorry Jay." Hailey replied, she wasn't really sure what else to say to Jay in this moment, everything that she had prepared for on the drive over had completely flown out of the window.

"I was just in Afghanistan Hailey, I went back to the day that Swanny saved my life." Jay admitted as he sat up against the headboard, his eyes looking down to his hand what was linked with one of Hailey's. "Our vehicle got hit by an IED, I was up front with Mouse behind me and we took the brunt of the impact, the next thing that I remember was Swanny's body hovering over me telling me to keep my eyes open and stay with him. I knew that I was badly injured but I could hardly feel my injuries, it just felt like a burning sensation on the right side of my body. Swanny was a trained medic so he gave me a shot of morphine and turned his attention to the Taliban that was closing in on us." Jay cut himself off as he took a moment to prepare himself for the next part of the story. Hailey noticed that Jay was struggling a bit and moved up on the bed, sitting next to him as she wrapped her arm around his shoulders, pulling him down so his head rested against her shoulder.

"Swanny and Diaz, the medic helping Mouse, got hit by a total of 13 rounds that day between them, Swanny took two rounds to the arm and some to the vest while Diaz was shot twice in the arm and once in the thigh. Even after being shot they both powered past the pain barrier until the apache's arrived overhead and provided some much needed air support. That was the incident that led to me and Mouse being medically discharged. I owe absolutely everything to Swanny, if it wasn't for his and Diaz's heroics that day me and Mouse would both be dead." Jay explained, he was slowly starting to feel a little bit better as he resting his head against Hailey's shoulder, if he needed any confirmation that he loved Hailey, this was it, no one had ever made Jay comfortable to talk about his past in the army, but Hailey made him feel safe, made him feel that he could be vulnerable around her.

"Thank you for telling me Jay, I know how hard it is for you to talk about your army days. Just remember I'll always be here for you, I care about you more than anyone else in my life Jay." Hailey spoke softly as she turned to face Jay, the two of them sharing a slight smile, a massive amount of relief washing through Hailey's body to see Jay smiling after the hard time he had just been through.

"How about I order us some take out Jay, we will just have a quiet night on the couch, just the two of us." Hailey continued a few moments later.

"Yeah, that's sound good right now Hailey. I'm just going to have a quick shower so make yourself at home." Jay replied, his slight smile growing a little wider.

Throughout the time what they ate their take out both of them caught the other staring at them, Hailey catching Jay on more times than the opposite. The sexual tension between them was thick, both of them had finally realised what the other was feeling but they were still waiting for the other to make the first move. Jay had left Hailey speechless after his shower, he had walked into the living room topless, his hair still damp and his cologne was overpowering. Hailey was close to melting into a puddle, she had ever seen a sexier sight of the man she was in love with.

Jay had finally decided to put his feelings out in the open, today had made him realise that Hailey really was the only person he could be himself around. She was the only person who he wanted to lean on when he was vulnerable, she was the only person who he wanted to spend his time with, both at work and outside of work. Jay had completely fallen in love with everything that Hailey brought to his life.

"Hailey I've got something I need to tell you, something that I've been hiding for a while but I now feels like the right time to tell you." Jay started before cutting himself off to turn his body to face Hailey's.

"Jay, I know what you're going to say, and I'm feeling the same way Jay. I'm in love with you, I have been for a long time. Seeing you when I arrived only made me love you even more, I want to be at your side whenever you feel vulnerable, I want to be there to help you whenever you need it. Being in New York only made me realise how much I need you, you're my anchor, my everything and from this day I want to live my life with you as my partner, not only at work but all of the time." Hailey confessed, she immediately felt relieved that she had put her feelings out into the open, it also it felt like a massive weight had been lifted.

Jay's lips formed into a massive wide smile as he listened closely to Hailey's confession, he was so happy to hear that Hailey was feeling the same way that he was. Jay slowly made his way over to Hailey's side of the couch, his hand gently finding the back of her neck and slowly pulling her head to meet his. Their lips melted into one another's, their kiss was slow and gentle, the moment didn't require anything more.

Jay pulled back a few moments later, taking his place as close as possible to her, his arms stretched around her shoulders and pulled her gently into the side of his warm body. "I know that this isn't normal for me but I couldn't keep this hidden any longer Hailey. I love you so much Hailey, it almost scares me how much I love you. Whenever I'm around you, you make me feel safe, I feel like I can be myself when I'm with you. I want to wake up and fall asleep next to you Hailey, I want you to be the biggest part of my life going forward." Jay confessed, stopping at the end to plant a kiss on the top of Hailey's head.

"Will you stay here tonight Hailey?" Jay questioned after a few moments of silence.

"Yes, of course I will Jay. I love you and I want to fall asleep in your arms." Hailey replied, turning her head slight to face Jay, both of then sharing a big smile.

"I love you too Hailey Upton." Jay replied, capturing her lips for a quick kiss before Hailey returned to her spot on his shoulder.

The couple spent the next few hours in the same position, neither one of them finding a good enough reason to pull then away from each other. Hailey fell asleep that night with Jay's armed wrapped around her waist, her head finding itself on Jay's firm chest. It took a little while for Jay to fall asleep, not because of any flashbacks to Afghanistan, but because he didn't want to take his eyes off of Hailey. He couldn't take his eyes off of the blonde beauty that was cuddled up against his body, nothing had ever looked more perfect than Hailey fast asleep on his chest. Jay finally fell asleep feeling better than ever before, the only reason for that was Hailey.

I wasn't entirely sure how this would turn out so I hope that you enjoyed this. Hopefully I didn't write Jay to out of character in this.

I'll be back with another chapter to my main Upstead story later in the week, so make sure you look out for that.

Anway, I hope all of you are staying safe during this crazy period. Thank you for reading! :)