Thankyou so much for the positive reviews. Here is the next chapter. I struggled a little with how vulnerable to make Ziva. She is such a badass character and that has always been whats made her so popular however with the time that has passed and when you consider all that she has been through I do believe there comes a time when no matter how strong you are, sometimes you have to break. to fix yourself. I have therefore tried to get a balance between Ziva's personality and how I genuinely think what shes suffered would affect her.

I am going to leave this story here, I think another chapter is overkill but I am curious to Tali's potential reaction to Ziva and going into more detail, so if you would be interested in that I will do a separate story on that.

Also someone said in the reviews regarding chapter one thats Ducky was referred to as "Grandducky" My apologise, I live in England and haven't actually seen the later serious in full. Some have not shown yet therefore i'm relying somewhat on bits I read online or can find on youtube. Apologise! I will try my best to keep future stories consistent to the show, or give a note that it's somewhat made up. Same goes for my other story Tiva Moments, I wrote it using words like "Sofa" instead of "couch" I forget It should be American. I appreciate the notes though, it does help me out.

Anyway enough rambling, I hope you enjoy!

Chapter two

The morning had been filled with left over pizza, stories about ballet class, stories of NCIS days and lots and lots of cuddles. Tali had taken over the lounge, what felt like half her bedroom was now haphazardly splayed across the living area. The young girl was in her element playing with Ziva. She had asked Ziva to help her make a fort, where the two sat and watched Disney films while Tony brought them juice and sandwiches. Ziva was loving her time with Tali just as much as the young girl was. It was like all the memories she had missed out on were happening all at once. Tali wanted Ziva's affection, she wanted to tell her secrets, she played with her hair begging Ziva to let her grow her own hair long like a princess. There was an air of happiness surrounding the apartment, it was peaceful and rewarding.

Around five thirty, Tony suggested Tali start to clear up as dinner would soon be ready. Apart from a small fuss and a warning look from Tony, Tali complied and got to work clearing up. Ziva helped a little but Tony pulled her over to try his pasta sauce. He didn't really need her to try it, he just wanted an excuse to have her a little closer. In truth he was getting nervous about there upcoming chat. He wanted to be honest with her but feared he would ruin there reunion. Having her next to him in the kitchen relaxed him from his thoughts for a little while.

"Tali, can you lay the table please" Tony asked.

Tali rolled her eyes when Tony's back was turned but Ziva didn't miss it. She turned away to hide the smirk that crossed her face. It amused her to see Tali's personality. The three sat to enjoy there dinner, Tony's special pasta…special sauce and secret vegetables. After dinner Tali had a strop at being sent to bed, leaving Tony to raise his voice to her. She was overtired from her extreme excitement earlier on in the day. Ziva had tried to encourage her to sleep also but her reaction was less than impressed at having her Ima tell her what to do. Stubbornness radiated off the young girl as she eventually sulked to sleep.

Tony re entered the lounge where Ziva was curled at one end of the couch, a blanket across her lap. She looked painfully nervous, the morning smiles and laughter replaced with fear and guilt. Tony's own gut was in knots. He had never enjoyed arguing with Ziva, in any capacity. In fairness they had rarely fallen out big time. In the early years it was always in jest, they would wind each other up but they never fell out. Michael Rivken had been the first cause fro argument, something which had consumed Ziva at the time. It had been hard on Tony but both new it was a result of caring so much. Neither had admitted to feeling anything towards the other but Tony had walked away from that situation knowing he felt something about his partner. Somalia was another major event in there life. Maybe the moment the LOVE word began floating around both there minds. It was the death of Eli David though when things had become tense between them, the beginning of …well maybe the end, depending how this conversation developed.

"Do you want a drink or anything?" Tony asked nervously as he hovered by the couch. He was trying to waste time.

Ziva shook her head, her fingers playing with the fringing of the blanket. Tony couldn't avoid it any longer, he sat at the other end of the couch. Know was not the time to be close, he couldn't let his inner love for Ziva cloud his mind. For them to stand any chance they needed to be honest. So much has happened and so much unspoken, things that if said could ruin them forever but if not said would eat away at them from the inside until one of them burst.

"Where do you want to start?" Ziva asked softly.

"I think we need to start post elevator"

Ziva smiled a little, post elevator them. She remembered how it had felt being trapped inside that metal box with Tony. The bomb had blasted the best part of the Navy yard, with Tony and Ziva trapped.

"That was…interesting" Ziva mumbled, unsure what to say.

"Something changed that day"

Ziva remembered how they had bickered back and fourth as they tried to escape before giving in and just sitting. There knees had been touching, there bodies collapsed against the back wall. They had talked, opened up a little. There concern for the co workers had been evident. Tony had expressed worry first. Ordinarily Ziva would have told him not to panic, they would be fine…but in that moment she had resigned herself to admit her concern. She remembered how Tony didn't rib her for opening up, like the air in that moment required honesty and support. She remembered how Tony had looked at her, his eyes full of love. There finger tips touching slightly, bodies moving closer…she could almost feel it now, the same electric touch…when ding. The elevator doors were prised open, and there bodies jumping apart.

"Yeah it did"

"I thought we…got closer maybe, we were opening up" Tony offered.

She smiled as she looked up at him before going back to the fraying blanket between her fingers. Her gut was clenching tightly within, waves of nausea setting in and her mind spinning.

"Ziva…did you feel anything then, did you think something changed?"

His voice was firm, laced with a slight annoyance. He needed her to be open with him, not just about her current feelings but about all the feelings. They would get no where if she didn't let her walls down.

"I guess"

"You guess?"

It was more of a statement than a question.

"I don't know Tony…yes things changed, we were telling each other stuff. I always told you stuff before that"

"No you didn't Ziva"

"Yes I did, were were partners, we…you talked and stuff. We flirted, we had a laughed."

Tony shook his head. Ziva just didn't get it.

"Ziva I may have talked, I always talked…it was like an actual problem how damn much I talked, but you..you didn't. You were a closed booked until the elevator. You told me more about your family and stuff…the opera. I liked that, I thought we were getting closer"

Guilt racked Ziva. She knew what Tony was saying, he was right in some ways, she had opted to tell him more about her but she hadn't realised how much it had meant to Tony. Not that it didn't mean anything to her, in fact she had loved hearing about Tony's mum, how she was the one that got him into movies but for her, she didn't have much happiness to tell him about. Not at the time.

"I didn't realise how much it meant to you" Her head bowed as she spoke.

"It did, it meant a lot"

"A lot changed after that day…life was in fast forward. It's almost like a blur of one bad thing after another." Ziva offered.

Tony nodded in acceptance. She was right, it had been a rough year in particular. He shuffled in his seat, sitting forward, elbows rested on his knees. He was tense.

"We spent years flirting Ziva…we were close. Post elevator us made us open up more, something changed. Then Adam happened and …"

Ziva's head snapped up. She wasn't about to have Adam dragged through the mud, not after how much he helped her to stay alive the past few years. not after giving his life for her safety. No, that was not going to happen.

"Don't Tony…do not bring Adam into this, into us" Ziva snapped.

Rage started to burn within Tony's stomach, the knots tightening till it was uncomfortable. His fist clenching.

"You slept with him Ziva…you hurried your father then you jumped straight into bed with Adam"

The words were spat out like poison. Tony's body so tensed as though holding back an even greater anger. He knew he was harsh, knew that he maybe went too far but he was still angry.

"You were not there Tony, and you were not my boyfriend. We were…we were nothing!" Ziva exclaimed, regretting the words the minute she said them. "You didn't have any right to be angry then and you have no right to be angry now. I could sleep with whoever I wanted to, and Adam was there with me. I was weak and alone and he was there and I do not have to justify that to you!" Her voice was rising, she had to force herself to calm down so as not to wake Tali.

Tony was not looking at Ziva, his gaze focused on the movie shelf. He felt like a knife had stabbed him in the chest. He could almost feel himself bleeding out. Tears stung his eyes. If she was trying to hurt him she had succeeded.

"I told you, you were not alone. Those words, the language I chose to speak them, being there to see you off. I did that because something had changed between us…because I loved you… and you chose Adam"

Tony spoke calmly, too calm. Ziva was frozen, unable to speak. She just watched as Tony stood and left the room. Tears streaming down her face as she was left alone in the dimly lit room.

Tony stormed into his bedroom, shutting the door a little too forcefully, praying Tali did not wake. He went to the en-suit, splashed his face with cold water before collapsing onto his bed. He hadn't even bothered to turn on a light, the darkness consumed him and he closed his eyes for a moment. Her face filled his mind. He could picture her so vividly. Every crease, every lash…the dimple that popped when she smiled. He inhaled and let out a hearty breath, his eyes opening and adjusting to the darkness. He hadn't meant to anger her, didn't mean to drag the past but her choice to sleep with Adam had always hurt him. Even when they had slept together, he had a brief moment of doubt, question whether he was second best. He needed to know how she felt about Adam.

Ziva sobbed for what felt like forever. She always knew how much hurt she had caused Tony by sleeping with Adam. It killed her whenever she thought about it, the reaction he had when he found out. She knew Tony needed an explanation for her actions, but opening up was not a strong point for Ziva, even to the man she loved. She stood on shaky legs and walked the few steps towards the front balcony. She opened the door and stepped into the cool air. It was crisp out and she wished she had brought the blanket to wrap around her but she was not frozen to the spot. Part of her debated running. She hated herself for even letting the thought creep into her mind but she struggled to keep the negativity out of her mind. As she glanced into the distance she took in the street, the dark sky, the stars…oh how she loved the stars. She sniffled and wiped her eyes, biting her lip furiously to stop crying.

"Hey"

Tony's strong arms enveloped her from behind. She hadn't even heard him. She hated them damn tablets. He rested his chin on her shoulder, his hands interlocked with her own resting at her lower stomach. neither said anything for a while, they just held on, enjoyed the embrace of the other.

"I used to watch the stars when I couldn't sleep at night. Id find cover and lay down, just staring into the night sky. I would pick the two brightest stars and tell myself they were you and Tali." A sob escaped as Ziva took a moment to compose herself. "It calmed me…I don't know, I guess it was just something to hold onto."

Ziva turned in Tony's arms and leant against the balcony railing. The two no longer touching but remaining close.

"I am sorry…for hurting you. For hurting Tali."

Ziva started talking, the nerves evident in her voice but she had to push past them. She needed to get it all out, needed to say something and now she had started she wasn't going to stop. She moved along the balcony away from Tony. the temptation to just fall into his arms over and over again preventing her from being honest.

"I didn't mean to make things worse by coming to your home. Your's and Tali's home. I thought I had done the right thing, every decision I made from the moment my father died…I believe it was right. I convinced myself I had done what was best. What was best for the people I loved. I never planned to sleep with Adam. Adam and I were friends, just friends…but in the moment he was there. I know what you said to me, I know what it meant…I have always known what it meant but in Israel, after the funeral I was alone. I was alone because you…you weren't there. I've been alone most of my life…I'm used to being alone. But you, Tony you made me feel like I wasn't alone. You were…are the only person that makes me feel like I am not alone. So in the moment, In that moment I was alone, and Adam was there. I was weak, I needed something…you. I needed you but i couldn't admit that…so I gave in. I slept with Adam and I hated myself for it. I hated myself for doing that."

Ziva's hands were flailing around the air as though emphasising her words. Tony remained silent, leant against the railing, his gut aching.

"When I saw your reaction, how upset you were…I already felt guilty and seeing you like that made it ten times worse. I tried to give you an explanation but in all honesty I had nothing. I was hurting, I was in a bad place and I didn't know what to say to you. I didn't know how to make it better, so I became defensive. I defended myself because that's all i knew how to do."

Ziva was now sat on the block of wall that jutted out, her hands running down her face in exhaustion.

"What about leaving…going home and…us, that night" Tony asked softly, his voice calm like earlier but sweeter, reassuring.

Her heart ached for the man in front of her. Her glassy eyes looking up to his. He was like a silhouette, almost too dark to make out.

"I thought I would feel relief after Bodnar…but I didn't Tony. I felt ashamed, ashamed that I behaved the way I did, that I tried to fight the battle on my own. We were a team…not just you and me but Gibbs and McGee to. I was lost. I didn't feel like I belonged anymore. I blamed myself for Gibbs being investigated, I thought getting away from it all would help me see clearer. At first it did. I missed you, I wanted you with me but then I saw Deana. One time in my life she had been a great friend, but when we sat to talk and she told me how she felt about me…how she blamed me for Ari, I hated myself even more. I don't regret shooting Ari…but I hated myself for hurting another person. I'd hurt you, hurt Gibbs…hurt Deana, and others." Ziva's head was bowed in embarrassment.

"But I found you…I cam to Israel to bring you home…did that not make you realise how loved you were?"

"I didn't feel worthy of being loved Tony."

Tony's heart broke in two at her words…he found himself edging closer to her, resisting the urge to hold her tight.

"I told you you were loved…"

"I know. But I'd caused too much pain. Being away from you, and then you finding me…It made me realise how much I loved you. It was the first time I actually accepted it, allowed myself to feel those feelings that I had been suppressing. When we had sex…It wasn't just sex. You loved me, and I felt that…I had never felt that with anyone before. People don't love me Tony."

A choked sob lodged in Tony's throat as he croaked a desperate plea.

"Zee-vah…"

"My mother loved me…she was killed, Tali loved me and she was killed. Ari…at one point, he loved me…I killed him. My father…in a way he loved me and he was killed. Michael…"

She paused…she no longer blamed Tony for his part in Michael's death, she never really had blamed him not deep down. It was just easier to place blame with someone rather than admit to Michael's faults.

"Michael was killed…and Adam, Adam loved me and he was killed."

Ziva let out a strangled breath and sobs racked her body. She fought quickly to regain control once more, she had to keep going.

"People who love me die…and…I loved you so much, so so much. It scared me how much I loved you Tony and I thought…"

"You thought if you allowed yourself to be loved by me…or to love me yourself, that I would die?"

The words left Tony's mouth before he even realised he was speaking. The reality of her words hit him. He understood. He got what she was saying…it broke him, broke him to see the strong tough as nails Ziva sat on his balcony sobbing her heart out as she admitted to blaming herself for the deaths of those around her.

"I pushed you away Tony because I thought it would keep you safe, I cared too much to loose you. I decided I would rather not have you if it meant you were alive…if it meant I could have that night. I didn't push you away because I didn't love you, I pushed you away because I did love you"

Ziva cried, her body shaking as she tried desperately to control her breathing. The emotions washing over her, flooding her body was like nothing she had felt before. She had never in her life been this open and honest to anyone. She reached out her hands to pull Tony close. He knelt on his knees in front of her, just holding her hands as she slowly gathered her composure.

"If I hadn't fallen pregnant with Tali, I don't know if I would ever have seen you again. A huge part of me wished I never made you leave and I always wander if I would have given in and come back to you but I don't think I would have if it hadn't been for Tali. I kept her from you because I told you to go, I made you leave me. I didn't think I had the right to ask you to come back, to mess with you like that. I kept convincing myself that I did the right thing. My mind was driving me up the hall."

Tony had to smirk at her ziva-ism. He didn't have the heart to correct her…he didn't want her to change.

"I told myself I had brought everything on myself, that I didn't deserve to have you. I didn't find out I was pregnant until about four months, too much time had past."

"Id have been there Ziva, in a heartbeat."

"I know Tony…thats why when I gave birth I almost called you. I knew you would do everything for Tali, regardless of how angry you would be at me."

"What stopped you?"

"I thought it was too late…Id left it so long maybe I had no right. I spent the first few months getting my head around being a mother…I had never thought I ever would have children. When Tali was almost one I decided I would tell you…I was ready to call you. i was going to ask you to come see me, praying that you would. I thought if you were there you couldn't get angry at me in from of Tali, and that she would melt you and I could have a chance to explain and apologise to you."

"So what happened?"

"I took Tali out one day, to visit my families graves…I wanted her to know about them, to know about Tali, where her name came from. I had this feeling I was being followed, something didn't feel right. I headed home and called Orli. I wanted nothing to do with her but I knew she would have my best interest at least. She did some digging and we worked out there was a hit on me. I knew I had to keep Tali safe, I could loose her. I loved her in a way I had never loved anything before. I could not let her die because of me…I called Adam and explained. I told him he had to get Tali to you without anyone knowing of her existence. I knew you would look after her, no matter what. It was the hardest day of my life, handing her Tali to Adam. I can still remember that baby smell she had. I gave her to Adam, I packed her bag so you would maybe not give up on me. I left…I walked away into hiding. I did it to keep her safe. I faked my death so you wouldn't look, so you would both me safe."

Tony was now crying too, not even bothering to hide it, or wipe his tears. He couldn't imagine what Ziva had gone through. Even though he was mad he didn't know about Tali, mad that Ziva hadn't been honest from the beginning so he could have changed things, he loved her, the only woman he had ever loved and the only woman he would ever love for the rest of his life.

"Ziva, I can't begin to know what you went through…" His sobs stopping him finishing his sentence.

"I would do anything to keep you and Tali safe…thats why I will leave if you want me to. I'll go, I will leave you and Tali if you think that's what is best. I don't want to hurt you anymore than I already have Tony."

Tony felt like he could feel her sobs through his own body. She was so broken, she had suffered so much in her life and hearing her blame herself…her years of holding it in, putting up a front…it was crashing down around her and she didn't know how to deal with it. Ziva didn't know how to deal with the emotions she felt.

"Leaving Ziva would hurt me…me and Tali. Don't do that again Ziva, don't leave us because our life…our life includes you, it keeps going because of you and we, we need you"

His words were honest and genuine. Love and desperation pouring from within. His hands holding her face, thumbs brushing away the tears. He kissed her brow, he nose and then her lips. Soft and delicate, it was a whisper of a kiss. He pulled back and looked into her eyes.

"Stay Ziva…I need you" His words so quiet if anyone else was around only she would hear.

"I'm not the same person I once was Tony…I am weak…"

"No, no no your not Ziva…Ziva David and weak do not belong in the same sentence."

His words were louder, firmer this time as though begging her to hear them, to believe them. His eyes still seeking hers, forcing her to hold his gaze.

"You are still my Ziva…my ninja, my sweet cheeks"

She smiled at the last term of endearment.

"I do not know what to do with everything I feel…pushing it down doesn't work no more"

"Then don't, you don't do that. Don't be that person, you are not Mossad anymore. You don't need to keep it all in. You talk, you talk to me…like you just did. It docent make you wake, it makes you strong. You just come to me, and you tell me how you feel and I will be here, I will be here to listen…always"

"Promise?"

Her voice was so innocent and childlike, she seems young and vulnerable and Tony could see how much that scared her. How much she needed reassurance.

"I promise"

A sob escaped her lips once more, this time it was a sob of relief. A sob that realised all the tension inside her. Realised that knot in her stomach. Tony pulled her into his arms, tightly embracing her, his warmth comforting her as her sobs slowed. He lifted her with ease, her legs automatically wrapping around his waist. She gave in, gave in to everything and allowed Tony to carry her inside, his body heat warming her up. He carried her to his bedroom, there bedroom. Slowly he placed Ziva on the bed, crouching down to place a kiss to her hair. He rubbed her sides gently, as though seeking permission before lifting her top over her head. He want to gaze at her but it wasn't the time. He grabbed on of his larger T-shirt and pulled it over Ziva's head, unclasping her bra from underneath and letting her remove it. He then unzipped her jeans and button, tugging them down and helping her step out. The t-shirt stopping low enough to keep her covered. He tilted her chin to look at him, she looked so vulnerable but he could also see the tension slowly leaving. He leant down, captured her lips once again in a kiss that beat any she had before. He started slow and gently, caressing her lips with his own. Moving with ease against each other, pulling her tighter to his body, hands roaming her hair. He traced her bottom lip with his tongue seeking entrance which she willingly allowed. Tongues stroking, nips to each others lips, passion and love over coming them. As they pulled apart, there breathing rapid, Tony held her gaze. He wanted to check she was okay. Her eyes sparkled for the first time since she arrived home and he knew she felt safe.

"Let's get some sleep, I will be right next to you Ziva, I'll hold you when you need me"

Ziva nodded, accepting his comfort as the two crawled under the covers, limbs entwining and Ziva's head resting comfortably on Tony's chest. The rise and fall of his breathing lulling her into a much needed sleep. She knew she would be okay now…they would all be okay. Love conquers all.