A/N: This was inspired by that headcanon where Eric has crushes on all his friends at some point and I love it so much I had to write a fic about it. I did something similar to this a couple of years ago with different ships within the main four, and I had so much fun with the structure of that I wanted to it again! I hope you enjoy, and thanks for reading! I'd love to now your thoughts!

(and the title of the song comes from Boys by Charli XCX).

13

It was Eric's birthday, and he should have been happy.

He should have been happy with his presents (a long asked for Nintendo Switch, and a brand new pair of air pods to replace the ones he suspected Kyle of stealing); his annual Big Birthday Breakfast (pancakes and waffles, smothered with maple syrup and topped with bacon); the money he received in cards from relatives he only saw twice a year ($200 he planned on putting towards a Morphe palette he coveted from his favourite beauty blogger, and maybe some new photography equipment); and, yes, those things filled him with joy, and excitement but it fizzled out way too quickly with every reminder from his mom that he had to get ready for school.

Was there anything more cruel and depressing, Eric thought, than being forced to go to school on your birthday? A day that was meant to be all about him, spent in a place he despised. In elementary school, Eric had often persuaded his mom to let him stay at home, and those were the best birthdays. Granted, all his friends were at school so he had to spend the day alone in his house, but that suited him just fine... especially when he could invite the guys over in the afternoon, with their backpacks still on their shoulders and scowls on their faces. Eric would still be in his pyjamas, revelling in it.

But his mom was starting to see through his pouting lips, and stomping feet, and she was actually starting to put her own foot down. This was a devastating development for Eric. Sulking and snapping didn't work, nor did syrupy pleas. Eric still found himself trudging to the bus stop that morning, and responding to his friends' birthday wishes with terse grunts. To say he wasn't in the mood today would be an understatement.

So when he saw Butters bounding over to him in the hallway, just as homeroom was about to start, he had to brace himself for grating cheeriness.

"What do you want, Butters?" he snapped, when Butters was in close enough range. He had to take control of the conversation, and the sooner it was over, the better.

He couldn't help but take some pleasure in Butters' beaming face dimming, the corner of his mouth twitching.

"I, uh, just wanted to say 'happy birthday!'" Butters replied, bouncing back in record time. "Oh, and give you your present!""

Eric frowned, actually intrigued. He shut his locker and turned to Butters with furrowed brows.

"You... you got me a present?"

Butters rolled his eyes and chuckled.

"Well... no, I didn't get you a present. I made you a present."

"Huh?"

"It's right here!"

Butters brought his backpack around to his front, unzipping it and pulling out a Tupperware container filled with cupcakes, topped with generous swirls of white frosting, and decorated with red, yellow, and blue sprinkles. He handed them to Eric, who stared at them with his mouth agape.

"They're chocolate, I know it's your favourite! And the sprinkles are to, uh, match your hat... and your favourite colour!"

Eric didn't reply, but studied the Tupperware container from every angle. Very rarely did Eric make anything without an ulterior motive, but inspecting Butters' bakery he could find no catch, just six delicious looking cupcakes.

"D-d-do you like them, Eric?"

When Eric looked at Butters, his knuckles were knocking together in that usual, anxious way of his, and he kept chewing at his bottom lip.

Eric couldn't find the words, searching for an honest response. His mouth opened and closed a couple of times, but nothing would come out. Instead, he smirked, resting his shoulder against the lockers.

"Well, that remains to be seen, Butters. I haven't tasted them yet."

Butters' eyes widened, and his brows drooped a little. It reminded Eric of how a puppy's ears would droop.

"Oh, I promise they taste real good!"

Eric grinned.

"Wanna try one with me?"

"Sure, I'd love to!" Butters beamed, almost bouncing on his toes.

Eric looked around the hallway, nearly deserted as people filed into homeroom.

"Great, then come on..."

He grabbed Butters' arm and began dragging him down the hallway. Their hurried footsteps squeaked on the linoleum floor.

"Where are we goin' now?"

"We're gonna enjoy these outside in the fresh air!"

"B-b-but homeroom-"

Eric whipped his head around to find Butters' frowning, eyes gleaming with alarm, and the straps of his backpack sliding down his arms.

"Who gives a crap about homeroom? I don't! Do you give a crap, Butters?"

Butters' bottom lip pooched a little, and he tried to fix the straps of his backpack one-handed.

"I-I-I don't know, I haven't thought too much-"

Eric rolled his eyes, and continued dragging Butters down the hall.

"Okay, well, that says it all."

"Wait, Eric, I'm lost... what did I say exactly?"

Double doors burst open to reveal the damp, cold backend of their middle school, puddles on the ground were the same gleaming black as the garbage bags that surrounded them. Butters wrinkled his nose.

"Sure is stinky out here..."

Eric rolled his eyes. It did smell like shit, but what was he supposed to do about it?

"Don't be a baby, Butters, just sit down!" he said, pulling Butters down to sit beside him on the steps.

He landed with a huff beside Eric, and thoughts of potentially hurting Butters were replaced by funnier thoughts of Butters having a bruise on his ass. Eric opened the container, and the cupcakes looked even more tempting when twinned with their irresistible, sugary smell. Eric reached for one, and so did Butters.

"Cheers..." Eric smiled, clinking his and Butters' cupcakes together like flutes of champagne.

Butters giggled like Eric had said something dirty, covering his mouth, but Eric could still see his wrinkled nose and sparkling eyes. They were almost as sweet as the frosting-chocolate combination. Eric's eyes fluttered shut when he took his first bite, keeping his eyes closed as he chewed so he could really savour the flavours.

"Mmmm..." he groaned. "Oh my god..."

He soon took another bite. Butters was nodding, inspecting his work.

"They're good, huh?"

"Mhmm... Mhmm..." Eric nodded, with a mouthful of cupcake. It was a little harder to swallow this time, his heart fluttering with nerves. His eyes kept flitting back and forth to his friend beside him. "Uh, thanks, Butters..."

Butters was blushing, with a tight, grateful smile.

"Don't mention it, Eric."

They ate without words, only smacking lips and tiny noises of approval. Eric reached for another cupcake, when Butters started laughing.

"Hey, you got a little..."

Before he finished his sentence, Butters leaned over and swiped a blob of frosting off Eric's top lip. Eric froze from the unexpected contact, the feeling of Butters' aloof, gentle finger brushing across a sensitive spot that was so rarely touched. It seemed to light a tingly fuse that started at his lips and ended...

What the fuck, did he just lick the frosting off his fucking finger?

"All better!" Butters grinned, oblivious.

Eric snickered. He couldn't do much else, his voice had disintegrated in his throat. He pressed his legs tightly together, glad that the container was still in his lap. He jolted when the shrill bell rang.

"Oh, shoot! I'm sorry, Eric, but I really can't be late to first period..."

Eric just nodded, still speechless and with his face still burning. Butters got to his feet and adjusted his backpack.

"I'm just gonna take one..." he said, bending down to reach for a cupcake.

Eric gripped the step beneath him to stop himself from shoving Butters down the fucking steps for how he was making him feel right now. His hand was way too close to his crotch.

Butters took a big bite out of the cupcake, eyes drifting shut and he held a hand under his chin to catch any stray crumbs. Eric noticed that he had two blobs of frosting on the tip of his nose, and his lip. He pursed his lips to contain his smile. They were too cute to be wiped away.

"Well, see you, Eric!"

Eric simply nodded, figuring that letting Butters walk around like that was fitting revenge.

14

The first thing Eric heard when he woke up that morning was Mr Kitty yowling. That strangled, whiny meow that he was all too familiar with, and agitated him beyond relief. Mr Kitty was in heat, and while he tried to be sympathetic, that sympathy would quickly wear thin. Patience was never his strong suit. He tried everything, from dangling her weathered, chewed-up toys in her face in hopes of distraction, to giving her catnip, and even shoving her outside when he just couldn't deal anymore. But she soon came down from her catnip high, and found her way back into the house, whining in Eric's face once more.

At least his mom had an escape. She was working that afternoon, and the relief on her face as she said her goodbyes to Eric was infuriating as well as obvious. He was almost as mad at his mom for abandoning him in the house with their sexually frustrated cat, as he was at the fact that they'd had Mr Kitty forever and she'd never been fixed.

But because misery loves company, Eric invited the guys over so at least he could have some distraction from Mr Kitty's racket. He was now sat on his couch with Kyle, watching his ass getting kicked by Kenny in an excruciating PVP battle. He was just about to open his mouth to rip on Kyle when Mr Kitty wandered into the living room, brushing up against his leg with that annoying meow.

"Kitty, shut the fuck up!" he said, watching her blink before carrying on, undeterred.

"Yes!" Kenny cheered with an unnecessary fist pump. He had just dealt a critical hit to Kyle. The game was pretty much over at this point.

Kyle growled under his breath, and rubbed his hand across his face.

"God damn it!"

"What the fuck, Kyle, how did you not see that coming?" Eric laughed.

Kyle grumbled, narrowed eyes glaring at the screen. He was gripping his controller so hard he could break it.

"Shut up, Cartman, I'm concentrating!"

Eric scoffed, he didn't really see the use in Kyle concentrating now. But his eyes kept flitting back and forth from the screen, his brow furrowing in something other than concentration.

"God, what the hell is up with your cat?"

Eric sighed.

"I don't know, she's been whining like that all day... she's probably in heat or something..."

"Why don't you put her outside?" Kenny asked.

"You think I haven't tried that? If I put her outside she'll just come straight back in. She does know how to use a cat flap."

"What's up?" Stan asked, returning from the bathroom.

"Nothing, Cartman's cat just needs a good dickin.'"

Stan blinked, frowned.

"Huh?"

"She's in heat," Kyle explained flatly.

"Oh..." Stan nodded, before crouching down to inspect Mr Kitty. "Really?"

"Yeah, she always whines like that when she's in heat."

"I don't think that's it." Stan frowned, watching as she approached him. "She's limping."

"Sure she hasn't been fucked already?" Kenny asked.

Stan picked her up and as soon as her feet left the ground she began to hiss, and meow louder than before. Eric frowned, leaning forward and watching as Stan perched himself on the arm of his couch, not even phased by Mr Kitty trying to swipe at him with her hackles raised.

"Sshh... sshh, it's okay..." Stan instead whispered, petting the top of her head, stroking her ears, and miraculously, she seemed to quiet down. "I'm not gonna hurt you..."

"Yeah, you're not gonna hurt her," Kyle remarked. "The one without claws."

Eric snickered at Kyle's sarcasm, but kept his eyes on Stan as he placed a now pliable Mr Kitty in his lap, and started to search for the supposedly true cause of her discomfort.

"Wait, what... guys, she's got glass stuck in her paw!"

Kyle frowned, peering closer.

"Oh shit, really?"

Eric sat up, alarmed now.

"Is she gonna be okay?"

"Yeah, she'll be fine, we'll just take it out... come on, Cartman..."

Stan got up, and without another word Eric followed him into the kitchen. He watched from over Stan's shoulder as he lay Mr Kitty down on the countertop, chewing his lip and wondering if it was only his sudden anxiety playing tricks on him when he realised that Mr Kitty did indeed look to be in pain.

"Do you have any tweezers?"

Eric nodded, choking on guilt and panic.

"Yeah, sure..."

He rushed upstairs, leaving Stan to soothe Mr Kitty. When he returned from his bedroom with his make-up bag, Stan was still leaning over and murmuring words of comfort into Mr Kitty's ear, idly stroking her belly. Eric pulled the tweezers out of the bag and handed them to Stan. He studied them for a moment.

"Those need to be sterilised, right?"

It was the first time Stan had looked unsure about what he was doing.

"I don't know, I'm not a fucking vet!" Eric replied, voice shrill.

Stan huffed, looking around the kitchen.

"Just check under the sink, your mom probably has cleaning products under there..."

Eric didn't know when Stan's word had become golden, but it didn't stop him from rummaging around the cupboard under the sink. He grabbed a bottle that looked promising.

"Multi-surface cleaner?"

"That should be fine," Stan replied, though he only sounded about 90% sure. "What does the label say?"

"Uh... kills ninety-nine point nine percent of bacteria on all surfaces, including kitchen worktops, wood surfaces, metal-"

"Great, just clean them with that..."

Eric spritzed some of the multi-surface cleaner on to the tweezers, cleaning it with a cloth before handing them to Stan.

"I need a torch..."

Eric pulled his phone out of his pocket, turning the torch on and hovering it over the affected paw. He tried to not even breathe as Stan attempted to pull the glass out, brows furrowed and tongue prodding at his lip. Eric felt like a nurse assisting an earnest, surgeon Stan in a life-saving operation, waiting for Stan to request a scalpel or an ECG... whatever that was.

Stan smiled when he plucked the glass out of Mr Kitty's paw. He held it up to the torch and it twinkled in the light.

"There you go..."

Eric stared at the tiny shard of glass like it was fucking Excalibur. He had never seen Stan look so heroic and triumphant, and honestly it suited him. He was stroking Mr Kitty under her chin, and when she purred in contentment Eric felt like he could do the same thing.

"Do you have a first aid kit around here somewhere?" Stan asked, peering at Eric over his shoulder.

Eric nodded in a daze, and stumbled over to the medicine cupboard, easily locating the small, green box.

"What do you need it for?"

"Antiseptic, some gauze so it doesn't get infected..."

Eric smirked, reality was returning to him in the afterglow.

"It was only a little piece of glass, dude..."

"Well, you can't be too careful! Do you wanna have a three-legged cat?"

Eric handed Stan the first aid kit, and hoped his silence was enough of an answer. Stan put some antiseptic on cotton wool, and Eric winced at the inevitable sting that was sure to follow. Sure enough, Mr Kitty yowled in pain when Stan applied it to the small wound.

"I know... I know it hurts..."

Eric smiled helplessly at Stan's gentle, soothing tone. It made his heart feel warm and fuzzy.

"Could you get me some scissors?"

Eric blinked, nodding before finding a pair of scissors in a draw of utensils, handing them to Stan.

"Just stay still, okay?" he asked Mr Kitty.

Eric watched as he cut the gauze and wrapped it tightly around Mr Kitty's paw, amazed at Stan's skill, and how he had even managed to stay calm during all this when Eric knew it was far out of his comfort zone.

"Dude, what happened?" he couldn't help but ask. "I thought you hated all this..."

"Hated what?"

"Medical emergencies! Last time I checked, you couldn't set foot in a hospital without throwing up."

Stan glanced at Eric over his shoulder, before returning to the task in front of him.

"This is different. I couldn't just let her walk around in pain like that."

Eric smiled, nodded to himself. He rubbed the back of his neck as he tried to find the words he always had a hard time coming out with.

"Well, if Mr Kitty could talk I'm sure she'd say... 'thank you, Eric's annoying, doctor friend, for saving my foot'..."

Stan snickered, and when he looked over his shoulder he did so with a smile so cute and disarming it made him feel hot all over.

"You're very welcome, Mr Kitty..." he said, stroking her as she closed her eyes, tipped her head back, and purred.

15

Eric was lying in bed, eyes aching as he scrolled through Instagram, and thinking that he probably should have gone to sleep a couple of hours ago, when he was distracted by a text from Kenny. If it was anybody else, Eric wouldn't have read it straight away. But late night texts from Kenny were never a good sign.

"hey you up?"

"yeah what do u want?" Eric replied, but he already knew the answer.

"come over? my parents are fighting again." Kenny had punctuated the text with a rolling eyes emoji, and while instances like these were common enough to warrant an eye roll, Eric knew that Kenny wasn't nonchalant at all about this on the inside.

He still remembered the first time Kenny had asked him to come over to keep him company during another fractious night at the McCormick's. Kenny hadn't spilled his heart out, he was just quiet, and distant, and Eric had caught him swiping at the corners of his eyes when he thought he wasn't looking. He remembered feeling uncomfortable, even angry at Kenny for putting him in a situation where he had to watch him be so dejected and hear his parents screaming at each other. It wasn't until the following day that he realised it was anger misplaced. Kenny didn't make him angry, the situation did.

Eric sighed, rubbed his tired eyes.

"yeah okay i'll be five minutes."

"thanks i'm in steed."

Eric got out of bed with another sigh, slipping on a jacket and a pair of sneakers. He zipped it up all the way when he left his house, and shoved his hands in his pockets. It was a chilly walk to Kenny's, and the abandoned train tracks frozen with deceptive, black ice were a death trap. He lowered his head as he walked around the back of Kenny's house, nestled in the carcass of Sodasopa, and winced at the slurred arguing he could hear even from outside. His mom was annoying sometimes, and it did still kinda suck, not having a dad, but at least he didn't have to put up with this shit every night. He was in no doubt that if Kenny's parents could afford a divorce, they would have one in a heartbeat and they would be doing everyone a fucking favour.

He began to climb the stairs to Steed, and saw Kenny at the top. He was holding a sleeping Karen, her arms draped around his shoulders, and her legs around his waist. Her hair was covering his face a little, but Eric could still make out the glint of a grateful smile.

"Hey, I'm just putting her to bed," Kenny whispered. "I'll be up in a sec."

Eric nodded, stepping aside so Kenny could trot down the steps.

He had a knack for making the best out of a bad situation, and Sodasopa was no exception. It had stopped being a clubhouse for Kenny and Token's lame ninja club years ago, and now the abandoned restaurants and clubs were perfect hang-outs for Kenny and his friends, or places he could just escape to. Steed was Eric's favourite place to hang out, especially during the hottest summer days. The roof had blown off the crumbling restaurant during a bad storm, and while Kenny's dad always talked about repairing it, Eric hoped he wouldn't. The sun shone there all day, and right now it was lit by starlight. He plopped himself down on the floor, and occupied himself with his phone while he waited for Kenny.

Soon, there was a familiar creak of floorboards, and when Eric looked up, he saw Kenny lighting a cigarette.

"Hey...

Kenny nodded.

"Hey, thanks, man," he said, taking a drag. "They're driving me crazy down there."

Eric smirked.

"Don't you think it's kind of impressive that they keep finding stuff to fight about though?"

"Yeah, I guess, but it's not all new. They recycle the old hits sometimes."

They laughed, and Kenny lay by Eric's side, staring up at the sky.

"Do you know what any of these stars are?"

Even though he had no fucking clue about constellations, Eric still lay back so he could get a better look at the cobalt sky, brimming with stars.

"No... I bet if Kyle were here he'd be able to name every one, and tell you what other constellations they get mistaken for."

Kenny laughed and nodded, smoke billowing out of his mouth.

"That isn't the North Star, it's just a satellite, dumbass," Eric said, in a spot-on Kyle voice. "I'm Kyle Broflovski and I love being smarter than you.'"

"'No, that isn't the Big Dipper, it's Cassiopeia, actually,'" Kenny added. His Kyle impression was nowhere near as good as Eric's.

"Casa what? Casa Bonita?"

Kenny laughed some more, Eric could feel his body thrumming beside him.

"Kyle's right. You really are a dumbass..."

"I'm gonna buy a star and name it Casa Bonita... maybe I can put it right next to Cassio-whatever to annoy Kyle."

"Please do that..."

Eric soon got bored of looking at the sky, and decided to look at Kenny instead. He was very much preoccupied with the starry night, and it reminded Eric of that one scene in Titanic where Leonardo DiCaprio is lying on a bench, having a smoke and staring up at the sky on a frigid, Atlantic evening. It was surprising, uneventful moments like these where Eric could see why so many girls liked Kenny. He could be gross, and goofy, but also as charming and alluring as a movie star. The fact he chose to still smoke cigarettes, Eric thought was very James Dean of him. To Eric, he seemed just as tragic, and he could never imagine Kenny growing old. He was mysterious, even when Eric had known him his whole life. A fallen star, and Eric wanted to reflect some of his light.

"Give me one..."

Kenny turned his head.

"Huh? Okay..."

He reached for his lighter, and pulled a cigarette out of the pack, handing them both to Eric.

"I didn't even know you smoked..." Kenny said, watching as Eric placed the cigarette between his lips.

"I don't..."

This wasn't the first cigarette Eric had smoked, but they had been too few and far between for him to actually know what he was doing. He was having a hard time lighting it, the flame disappearing as quickly as it appeared.

"I don't think it's working..." Kenny chuckled.

"You don't think I fucking know that?" Eric snapped.

"Then sit up, asshole! It might actually light if you're sitting up straight."

Eric grumbled, sitting up and finally managing to light the cigarette. He tried to take a drag, but couldn't exhale without coughing and gasping. Plus, his mouth just tasted like shit.

"That was so gross..." he muttered, cheeks burning and brow furrowed.

"Wanna try blowbacks instead?"

"Huh? I thought you only did that with weed."

"Who says you can't do it with tobacco?"

Honestly, Eric didn't really see the point.

"You don't get high off cigarettes."

Kenny rolled his eyes, smiling.

"Sorry, I'm afraid I don't have any weed to hand. Don't be such a fucking wuss, just try it!"

Eric sighed.

"Fine... this is total peer pressure but fine..."

Kenny grinned, putting his cigarette out on the weathered floor, only to place another between his lips. He shifted over so he was now sitting cross-legged in front of Eric, and once lit, he took the cigarette out of his mouth and put it back in the other way around.

"You need to come a little closer..."

Kenny had stopped wearing his parka only a few years ago, and Eric was used to deciphering his muffled speech, considered himself to be fluent in 'Kenny.' He understood him perfectly around the cigarette in his mouth, but he couldn't help but tease.

"What was that?" he asked, cupping his ear. "I can't understand you..."

Kenny rolled his eyes, the corners of his mouth turning up.

"Yes you fucking can, just come here..."

He grabbed two fistfuls of Eric's jacket and tugged him closer. He then reached for Eric's wrists, bringing his hands up to cover the cigarette. Eric placed the hot end of the cigarette in his mouth, still a bit warm and wet from where Kenny's lips had been. He closed his eyes, unsure what to do, but when he heard Kenny inhale he thought he should too. Cool hands at the nape of his neck made his eyes drift open, and Kenny's lidded, blue-grey eyes in front of him was startling. He pulled back suddenly, bringing on a coughing fit.

Kenny's eyes were bright with alarm now, the cigarette falling from his lips.

"Shit, are you okay?"

He crawled over to him. Eric's eyes were watering, and every breath was catching on a tight, stinging cough.

"Yeah... " he managed to reply, voice croaky. "This is all your fault, Kenny!"

"It's not my problem you have shit lung capacity..."

Eric continued to cough and retch as Kenny hit his back. He didn't even know if that was helping. He gulped as the coughs subsided, able to take bigger breaths.

"Better?" Kenny asked, still rubbing his back.

Eric nodded, and tried to glare at him. But it was hard to stay mad at his gentle, genuine smile.

16

Watching Bebe and Wendy make out on Kyle's living room floor, Eric could hardly believe this was supposed to be the highlight of his Saturday night. He, along with everybody else, was still surprised that Kyle's parents had gone away for the weekend, and let him and Ike stay in the house all by themselves. But Kyle made it clear that there would be no party, and unlike whenever that insistence was made by the main character in every teen movie who finds themselves home alone, that happened to be true. When Kyle insisted only Eric, Stan, Kenny, and Butters were allowed over, the only exceptions he made were for Wendy and Bebe to tag along too. The music was kept at a sensible volume so as not to inspire any complaints from the neighbours, and for refreshments, it was light beer only... though Eric maintained that, if drank in a certain quantity, seven, bored 16 year olds could easily get very drunk off light beer.

But nobody really wanted to get drunk, anyway, when Kyle was so on edge and irritable. It was kind of a downer, just hanging out in Kyle's living room not allowed to have fun, until Bebe suggested they play spin the bottle. The game had started off promising. Butters had spun first and landed on Kenny, and when Kenny ruined their small, innocent peck by slobbering all over Butters' chin it was entertaining enough for even Kyle to laugh, especially when Butters snorted in the most undignified fashion and flushed an alarming, tomato red.

There were a couple more funny, uncomfortable kisses, and because of the disproportionate ratio of boys to girls, it meant Eric having to watch his friends make out with each other which wasn't always entirely cringy. Wendy and Bebe had watched quite smugly, until Wendy spun the bottle and the time came for the two of them to finally kiss. A heavy, anticipatory silence filled the room, as if this was what most of the guys in the room had been waiting for. Bebe winked at Kyle like he was one of those guys, promising him that this kiss was sure to lift his spirits.

The kiss was short, and a bit more giggly than the other kisses shared tonight, but nothing special. Eric really didn't see what the big deal was. But Stan looked pretty transfixed, and Butters had placed his arms strategically in his lap, so maybe it was just him who didn't get it.

"There..." Bebe said, swiping her bottom lip with her thumb. "Did that put you in a better mood, Kyle?"

Kyle shrugged, like he didn't know how he was supposed to answer.

"Not really... I mean, no offence, but-"

"It's fine, we don't need your approval," Wendy replied, tucking some hair behind her ear. She wasn't looking at Kyle.

Eric scoffed.

"Right..."

Wendy glared at him.

"Hey, Cartman, I don't need your approval either."

"Good." He sneered. "Because you're not getting it."

Bebe huffed in despair, looking around the group.

"Did any of you enjoy that at all?"

Kenny raised his hand.

"I did?"

Bebe tilted her head and smiled at him.

"Aww, thanks, babe..." she said, wrapping her arms around Kenny's waist.

"Bebe!" Wendy cried.

"What? A little validation never hurt anybody! Besides, what was the point of what we just did?"

"I didn't kiss you for the benefit of these morons!"

"Hey..." Stan murmured beside Wendy, frowning.

She stroked his arm.

"I wasn't talking about you..."

"No you're right, Wendy, you didn't do it for our benefit.. you did it because an empty bottle of Coors Light told you to." Eric grinned, he couldn't help it. She was just one of his favourite people to piss off.

"We do as the bottle commands!" Kenny exclaimed. He gave Bebe a nudge. "And hey, it's your turn!"

Bebe did a little happy dance, complete with a small squeal as she spun the bottle, and it stopped in front of their begrudging host. Bebe was grinning in delight, and there was a chorus of 'ohhh's' that Eric did not join in on. He and Kyle were the only ones to be so far un-kissed, and Eric was glad of that. His feelings for Kyle were confusing enough without having to watch him make out with someone.

Unlike the other charged, surprising feelings he'd experienced for his friends over the years, his feelings for Kyle weren't confusing flames that sparked quickly and died out just as fast. They left him reeling after arguments; or distracted during their Debate meets when Kyle was presenting an argument in that strong, clear voice of his; or mesmerised by his skin shining with sweat when he watched him play basketball. He had tried so hard to stamp these feelings out, extinguish them once and for all, but it was hard when Kyle kept doing things that reignited them over and over again.

"Oh my god, this will be just like old times!" Bebe squealed.

"Oh yeah!" Wendy laughed, turning to Stan. "Remember when we used to play Truth or Dare in your clubhouse?"

Stan nodded, paling a little at the memory.

"Uh-huh.."

Bebe got on her knees, and lowered her chin with a pouty, serious look on her face.

"Now Kyle, if this doesn't cheer you up I will take offense."

Kyle nodded, and Eric noticed his Adam's apple bobbing in his throat.

"Understood."

Bebe crawled over to him, and this time there was a chorus of 'oooh's' as Bebe placed her legs either side of Kyle's hips and plopped herself in his lap.

"This is so you can't run away again..." she explained, pinning his shoulders to the couch.

Eric was sat directly in front of Kyle, and Bebe was obscuring his face a little, but he was still able to see Kyle nodding and looking at her with unsure eyes. She pushed some hair back off her face, but it still fell in front of her as she leaned down to kiss him. Eric could only see Kyle's eyes slipping shut, before he turned away, taking a sip of his own drink. He grimaced behind the rim of his bottle as Kenny wolf-whistled, and Wendy cheered and clapped. Bebe was flushed and giggling when she pulled away, climbing off Kyle's lap. His cheeks had pinked too, and he smiled weakly at Bebe.

"Okay, now it's your turn..." she smiled.

Kyle pursed his lips as he spun the bottle, and Eric tried to decide in his head who he would feel the most comfortable watching Kyle kiss... he was too busy weighing up the options that he hardly noticed another heavy silence filling the room. It wasn't anticipatory this time, it was shocked and possibly disturbed. He blinked, registering that the bottle was in fact pointing towards him. He stared, wide-eyed at the bottle, before he looked up at Kyle's devastated face.

"Oh shit..." Kenny laughed, breaking the silence.

"No fucking way," Eric said, and he didn't know if it was in disbelief, refusal, or both.

Kyle looked around the group, pleading.

"Does anybody wanna take my turn?"

"Yeah, does anybody wanna take his turn?" Eric added.

Bebe shook her head, laughing too.

"No, no, no, that's not how it works!"

Wendy nodded in agreement, enjoying this too.

"Yeah, you have to kiss who the bottle lands on, those are the rules!"

"We do as the bottle commands!" Kenny chanted, pounding his fist on the carpet.

"We do as the bottle commands!" Bebe repeated, pounding fists and all.

Pretty soon everyone was chanting that dumb fucking chant, even Stan, who Eric was sure would have rushed to Kyle's defence. The floor seemed to be shaking as everybody pounded their fists in time.

"Hey, this isn't Lord of the fucking Flies!" Eric yelled.

"Yes! And technically, the conch itself doesn't tell you what to do! It's supposed to represent democracy, and societal order, and if you're holding the conch it gives you authority to speak-"

Everyone stopped chanting to groan at Kyle's technicalities.

Bebe threw her head back.

"Oh god..."

Kyle continued, undeterred.

"And if this bottle is the conch, and I'm the last person that spun it that means you all have to listen to me when I tell you I'm not doing it!"

"Boo, Kyle!" Kenny said, cupping his mouth with one hand and giving Kyle a thumbs down with the other.

"That's not fair!" Wendy added.

Bebe just rolled her eyes.

"Guys, why are we even surprised? Of course he wasn't gonna do it..."

Kyle frowned.

"What do you mean?"

"You haven't been having fun all night, Kyle, how could we expect you to loosen up now? I know I'm a good kisser, but not even I could pull that off..."

Kyle's eyes widened, incredulous,

"What? I've been having fun!"

Everyone rolled their eyes and scoffed, even Eric, when they were supposed to be on the same side.

"Yeah, right..."

Kyle glared at him for his betrayal. It made Eric nervous, like he was soon going to regret that.

"Come on, dude, you have been a little uptight." Kenny smiled, with a knowing eyebrow arched at Kyle.

Kyle huffed, rolled his eyes.

"Well, yeah, I'm uptight! This is my house, and if you guys break something, or vomit anywhere, I'm the one who has to clean it up and deal with my parents!"

"And that's okay!" Kenny said, leaning over and patting Kyle's shoulder. "We get it, dude. There's nothing wrong with being uptight, that's just who you are. It doesn't mean we don't love you-"

"No!" Kyle cried, shrugging away from Kenny. "No, I can still have fun, I..."

He sighed, and Eric froze when he looked at him with steely eyes, and his jaw pulled tight. He felt paralysed as Kyle crawled over to him, determined and wild, and though Eric had seen Kyle look at him like that in unnerving dreams, never did he think he'd see that look on his face in real life. Eric couldn't breathe when Kyle was right in front of him. He studied Kyle's face, and wanted to ask what the fuck he thought he was doing. But before he could ask, Kyle squeezed his eyes shut and grabbed him by the back of his head, bringing him to his lips. Eric's head whirred at the impact, the shock that this was happening, and he didn't even know if he really wanted it to happen, especially in front of Stan, and Kenny, and Butters, and fucking Bebe and Wendy, but it was happening, and despite everything, Kyle's hand in his hair, and lips fused with his own felt so right. He tasted like Coors, and strawberries, that Eric guessed was remnants of Bebe's lip gloss, but when Kyle parted his lips with his tongue, he got to taste more. He didn't so much coax Eric to let him in, but demand he receive him, shoving his tongue in Eric's mouth. He whimpered when their tongues met, and Kyle gripped his hair a little tighter, tilting his head so he could get the perfect angle at which to suck his tongue and the hot, wet sensation made Eric tingly all over. Of all the ways he imagined Kyle kissing him, he had never imagined kissing him like that... he couldn't let himself imagine Kyle kissing him like that.

It was the longest kiss of the night so far, but to Eric it seemed to end way too quickly. Their mouths parted with an audible smack in the silent room. They were both panting, and their lips were flushed and gleaming. Eric's heart was pounding as Kyle pulled away, and he hated how Kyle kept his eyes on him as he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. His eyes were dark, and his grin was wicked and smug.

"I think I've proven my point..." Kyle announced to the group, and no one argued with him.

Meanwhile, Eric was burning, and trembling uncontrollably. He hoped nobody had noticed that, or the boner in his pants.

The next morning, Eric woke up to Kyle's living room ceiling. He had decided to sleep on the Barcalounger, and his back was now aching in complaint at the decision. Grumbling, he fumbled for the lever at the side of the chair and pulled himself up. He could now see Bebe and Kenny, and Stan and Wendy, sharing the couch like the grandparents in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. The blanket they had requested barely covered the four of them. Across from Eric was Butters, curled up on an armchair. They were all still sleeping, and Eric didn't even know what time it was. But he knew he needed coffee, and something to eat. His stomach growled in agreement.

He got out of the chair and stumbled into the kitchen, only to discover he wasn't the only person who was awake. Kyle was sat at the kitchen table, legs propped up on the chair next to him as he scrolled through his phone. There was a cup of coffee, and a half-eaten bowl of cereal in front of him. He looked a little worse for wear, with small, tired shadows under his eyes. But his hair was poofy, and he was wearing a Denver Nuggets sweatshirt that looked adorable on him. Eric wanted to discard that thought immediately.

"Oh..." Kyle said, looking up from his phone. "Hey..."

Eric nodded, losing the nerve to make direct eye contact.

"Hey..."

Kyle proving himself right may have been fun for him, not so much anyone else. Their kiss just seemed to bum everybody out, and the game was soon abandoned. Eric couldn't really remember much of what happened after that. He just kept thinking of the kiss, avoiding eye contact with Kyle, and drinking bottle after bottle of light beer. It was easy for him to crash on the Barcalounger and fall asleep straight away, but feverish dreams of his kiss weren't so easy to get rid of.

"Did you just make that coffee?" he asked.

Kyle's brow furrowed, like that wasn't a question he was expecting to be asked. He nodded.

"Okay... where do you keep your bread?"

"The cupboard above the toaster," Kyle replied, a lot more relaxed now. He was actually smiling.

"Cool, thanks..." Eric said, still trying not to look at Kyle as he spoke, he just went about making coffee.

"Did you sleep okay?"

Eric furrowed his eyebrows and smirked. He had his back to Kyle as he looked around the cupboards for a mug.

"Uhh... yeah, I guess... as well as you can sleep on a Barcalounger."

"You just seemed weird the rest of the night..."

Eric stopped, considered responding. But it seemed like Kyle wasn't finished yet. He poured his coffee.

"Listen, I'm sorry... about the kiss... if it made you uncomfortable. I really didn't mean to, I... I-I-I guess I just wanted to prove something-"

"Yeah, you proved your point, alright..."

Kyle didn't say anything. When Eric turned around he saw that Kyle was staring at the table. His chest rose and fell, and his tongue prodded at his lip, like he was contemplating something. But more than that, he looked guilty, and as frustrated and confused as Eric was last night, it was probably the most exhilarating thing to have ever happened to him... so he couldn't be too mad. He didn't want Kyle to feel bad because of that.

He sighed, leaning against the kitchen worktop.

"Kyle..."

He looked up.

"It's fine, honestly." Eric smiled. "I was just surprised."

Kyle blinked, and Eric swore he could see his face brightening before him.

"Really?"

"Yeah... " Eric turned around, reached into the cupboard for the bread. "I didn't think you'd have the balls to do it."

Kyle laughed.

"Me neither..."

It was a nice, soft sound. It made Eric smile to himself.

"We made those guys looked like such bitches..."

"Yeah... that felt pretty great." Kyle blinked, frowned, as it dawned on him his words may be misconstrued. "I mean, the looks on their faces was... um... yeah..."

Eric chuckled, and popped his bread in the toaster.

"I don't know if you can win spin the bottle, but we definitely did."

Kyle arched an eyebrow at Eric.

"We?"

He stood up and approached Eric with a sceptical eyebrow still raised.

"I kissed you first. I did pretty much all the work. You just sat there with your tongue in my mouth!" He folded his arms and sighed. "I'm sorry to say it, but you're not a very good kisser, Cartman..."

Eric flushed, and Kyle could probably feel the heat coming off his face he was stood so close to him.

"I am too!"

Kyle chuckled, raked his gaze over Eric with that contemplative look of before.

"Well, prove it..."

Eric blinked, he had to grip the worktop behind him to make sure he wasn't dreaming. No, this was definitely real. Kyle was actually in front of him in a cute, basketball sweatshirt, daring them to kiss.

"Suh-seriously?"

Kyle considered Eric's question, it was a perfectly good out. If Kyle wanted to back out, then this was the right time, and Eric would never mention it again. But instead he nodded, straightening his shoulders. He smiled, tapping at his lips. Eric was amazed, wondering if their kiss last night really did awaken some impulsive, confident side to him, or if he really wasn't as uptight as he thought...

Nonetheless, he grinned, grabbing two fistfuls of Kyle's shirt before pulling him to his lips. The kiss wasn't as hard as last night's kiss, and mellowed even quicker. Kyle keened to him almost immediately, hands wandering to his shoulders and pinching the sleeves of his t-shirt. The kiss was firm, and Kyle's lips were as warm as last night, if not a little dryer since Eric supposed he hadn't been awake for too long.

Their lips parted, but their hands were still on each other. Kyle was looking at him with lidded eyes, an almost giddy expression on his face.

"How was that?"

Kyle nodded, smiling.

"That was okay... maybe you could tilt your head a little more... and..." he moved closer, voice humid as he spoke to his lips. "Take my bottom lip into your mouth, like this..."

Kyle brought Eric to his lips again with his head tilted. It was the softest kiss they'd shared so far, lips sliding across each other before Kyle caught Eric's bottom lip in a gentle clasp. Eric smothered a moan, nodding as the kiss came to an end.

"So like this?" he asked, he could hardly wait to do the same thing to Kyle.

He copied Kyle exactly, taking his plush lower lip into his mouth, wanting desperately to bite it. He couldn't resist parting with a tiny nip. It paid off when Kyle whimpered in the small, warm space between them.

"Yeah..." Kyle nodded, face warm and eyes dark. "Yeah, that's a lot better..."

Kyle pinned Eric to the countertop with a harder kiss, cupping his face while Eric's hands roamed under his shirt to find soft skin. Goosebumps prickled immediately under his fingertips, and he smiled against Kyle's mouth before their tongues were meeting again, grappling desperately and unabashedly.

But a strange smell crawled into his nose, hot and burning like the smell of a barbecue. He ignored the toast popping out of the toaster, but it was harder to ignore the persistent beeping noise that followed.

"Shit!" Kyle muttered against his lips.

Opening his eyes, he saw that smoke was furling around them, and his toast was now charred. Kyle grabbed the ruined toast and threw it in the garbage, while Eric opened the window above the sink, and the sliding doors, still in a daze.

There was grumbling coming from the living room.

"What the fuck, man?" They heard Kenny ask, sleepy and irritated.

"Oh hamburgers, is that the smoke alarm?"

"Yeah, we were just..." Kyle glanced at Eric warily. "Making toast!"

Eric snorted, hiding his laughter behind his hand.