A/N: Those pitchforks hurt. But I deserved it. *puts bandaid on ass*

Chapter 19:

Where Do We Go From Here?

Alison didn't feel like going home. Emily had asked for her space. Alison knew that she couldn't sit idly in her house when Emily was right across the street. She wouldn't be able to stop herself, not with temptation so close.

She knew that Emily was struggling. She could see it. But she didn't know how to help her. She had a feeling that she was pushing too hard. And she was afraid if she held on too tight that she would suffocate her.

But it wasn't in Alison's nature to let Emily sit in silence and suffer alone. She knew that if she went home she'd see Emily's light on. She'd sit alone in her empty house, because her stupid snotty parents were gone again. She'd think about getting into her dad's liquor. She'd get frustrated. She'd pace around her bedroom for a little while. Then she'd give in and she'd go over to Emily's house. And she'd push, and then they would fight. Alison didn't want to fight.

They'd never really had a fight before. They'd bickered. They'd chastised one another. But it was never anything serious. Emily said she wasn't mad, but Alison could feel the tension between them when Emily walked away.

She'd screwed up. She knew she needed to get a handle on herself. The passion that she felt for Emily had awakened something in her that she couldn't tamp down. Her emotions had erupted in uncontrollable ways. She needed to learn how to control herself.

Control had always been hard for her. She'd never been taught self-control as a child. She knew that she was impulsive and selfish. It was something she knew she needed to work on, if not for herself then for Emily and the baby. She knew kids needed stability. She knew exactly what happened when they didn't have it. Because she'd never had it.

Her parents had always been absent, and as much as she hated them…she resented them all that much more for not being there for her. She hated that her mother drank. She hated that her dad was a philandering whore. Her brother was so inconsiderate and egotistical that it had taken Emily defending her honor before Jason had done something about his asshole friends.

She didn't have any real memories with her family. Most of her conversations with her parents revolved around her mother's narcissism and her father's chokehold on control.

If her mother wasn't sniping, "Posture, Alison. I won't have people thinking that my daughter is a slouch" then it was her father sneering at her and saying, "Don't forget your place in this family."

Her mother was always telling her not to talk to "the help" because they were inferior. Her father was constantly snapping at her for no good reason. And Alison thought that was normal. She thought that every family was like that.

It wasn't until she met Emily that she realized how good it felt to love and be loved. Emily had been the first person in her life who had cared about her. The brunette had come along and changed her entire world. That's why she held on to her so tightly.

Emily changed everything. Alison knew the second she saw her moving boxes with her father that she was something special. It wasn't every day that a girl with purple streaks in her hair and a motorcycle rolled into town. She was unique, and she had that little taste of danger that Alison craved.

The more she learned about her the more she fell for her. She wanted to know everything about her. But she hadn't been expecting such a huge curveball. Learning about the baby had been intimidating. And also a little bit exhilarating.

She knew that the pregnancy was going to be challenging. But she had no idea the emotional toll it was going to take on them, especially with a psycho somewhere behind the scenes.

Emily had asked her several times if it was too much pressure for her. She'd given her plenty of time to think everything over. But like everything else in her life, Alison made her decision out of impulse. And out of love. Because she was certain she did love Emily. She just didn't realize how hard it would be to waver through that love.

What she wouldn't give to be back in the treehouse the moment right before Emily had told her about the baby. Sometimes she wondered where they would be if Emily wasn't pregnant.

Had she just wished the baby didn't exist?

The thought was fleeting, but it made her sick to her stomach. She hated herself for thinking it. She had embraced Emily's child the second she found out about her. Why was she suddenly considering the baby a bad thing?

She loved that little bean. She loved seeing her move around during ultrasounds. She loved picturing what her tiny little smile would look like. She loved wondering if she would look exactly like her mother. A little mini-Emily.

She would be so lucky to be a part of the baby's life. The world would be a better place with a little piece of Emily's heart out of her body. That little girl was going to be so loved.

There was no doubt in Alison's mind that any child of Emily's was going to put an amazing amount of love back into the world. And if anyone ever abused that love Alison would rip them to shreds.

She felt a wave of emotions.

No wonder Emily was an emotional wreck. If Alison was feeling just a fraction of what Emily was feeling, it was too much.

She drove around the city for a little while. But she couldn't go home, not if she wanted to honor Emily's wishes. The desire to be with her was too overwhelming. She didn't even want to be in the same city. She wanted to be as far away from Emily as possible so she didn't do something dumb.

Unfortunately, that drove her to do something even dumber.

She dug her fake ID out of her glove compartment and hightailed it out of town to a bar just on the outskirts of Rosewood.

She sat in a parking spot sulking for a few minutes as she stared at the small brick building. It had been there for decades. It was a big hangout spot for the college crowd. It had surprisingly good food for a bar. But it wasn't food that Alison wanted. She just wanted something to numb her nerves.

She didn't like it when she fought with Emily. Because Emily didn't fight back. Emily was a fighter in many ways, but when it came to disagreements between the two of them she was passive. She pulled away. And that scared Alison.

She stared at her phone, hoping to see a message from Emily. She didn't have any new alerts. She unlocked the screen and stared at her background photo. It was a photo of the two of them kissing. A selfie that Alison had sneakily snapped one afternoon after school.

Alison smiled at the image. She started flipping through her photo gallery to browse through all the pictures she had of the brunette. She sat outside the bar for almost twenty minutes going through her pictures.

Images of Emily sitting in the sun. Pictures from the day they'd gone to the apple orchard. Emily in the pool. Emily dripping with sweat at the gym. There were pictures of the two of them in Alison's treehouse and at school. She had even snapped a few of herself kissing Emily's stomach.

She stopped scrolling when she got to a photo of them standing in front of a mirror. Emily was behind her, her arms wrapped around her waist, kissing her cheek. Alison had her eyes closed and her mouth was curled up in a smile.

The next picture was Emily's latest ultrasound. Emily rarely cried, but Alison had seen her shed a few tears that day. They could see her daughter's tiny little face. Her button nose. Her pensive little thoughtful lips. The peaceful expression on her face.

Alison pulled up Emily's number. Her finger hovered over the "call" button. At the last second she pulled back.

She knew she needed to distract herself, so she went inside the building and went straight for the bar. She grabbed a menu and casually browsed it.

There was a poppy upbeat song playing from somewhere. There were a few people scattered about. The place was fairly empty, because it was still early. The crowds didn't usually start to pack the place until later.

Alison ordered a vegetable platter appetizer and a martini. The bartender didn't even bother asking for her ID.

While she was waiting on her order she debated on sending Emily a message. She composed and sent a text, telling herself she was just checking in on her. But really, she just wanted to talk to her.

Just want to make sure you made it home okay. Not trying to pry in your space. Just want to make sure you're safe.

After she sent it she cursed herself. It sounded really bitchy. She stared at the "not trying to pry in your space" line and felt like dying inside. Nothing she was saying was coming out right. No matter what she did she would never be good enough for Emily.

It only made matters worse when Emily didn't text back.

She sat at the bar worrying about the way they'd left things.

She nursed her drink and stared at her phone, waiting for signs of life from her girlfriend.

Shit. She was still her girlfriend, wasn't she?

She finished her first drink and then asked for another. The bartender never even looked twice at her. He took her empty glass away and brought her another drink.

She stirred the beverage slowly, the stirrer clinking up against the side of the glass. She was so hypnotized by the swirl of the liquid that she didn't notice the guy sitting down next to her.

She heard the barstool scuffing up against the floor and she looked over. She squinted her eyes to adjust to the dim light of the bar. She was trying to get a better look at him. She was so drunk she saw two of him. After a few seconds her blurred vision corrected itself and she was able to see him more clearly.

He was young. Kind of cute. He had a little bit of scruff on his face, but not much. His eyes were obscured by the baseball hat on his head. He looked like a townie. His sweatshirt looked like something a frat guy might wear, but his jeans were wrinkled and untidy. His sneakers had flakes of red paint on them. For a second, it looked like blood. She was certain she'd seen that color paint somewhere before, but she couldn't remember where.

She glanced at his face again. He smiled politely and then faced the bartender and asked for a drink.

Alison didn't pay much attention to him. She turned her focus back to her drink. She picked it up and stared at it. Then she downed it in one swift motion.

"Impressive." The guy laughed.

"It's my best magic trick." Alison shook her head to try and ignore the burning sensation in her throat. "I make alcohol disappear. Ta-da." She put her glass down.

"That's quite the act."

"I'm good at making things disappear." Including her girlfriend…who wouldn't call her back.

He swiveled on his barstool.

"You look like a girl who likes to have fun."

She opened her mouth to tell him to bug off and that she was a taken woman, but instead all that came out was,

"Depends." She looked at her empty glass.

He moved a little closer. Alison wasn't at all surprised by the attention. People fawned on her everywhere that she went.

"Can I buy you a drink?" he asked. Alison looked up at him with a look of distrust on her face. "I promise I'm not one of those creeps that tries to slide in and hit on girls in bars." He looked around. The bar was starting to get crowded. "This is actually my first time here. Heard they have really good wings."

"I'm more of a breast girl myself." Alison couldn't believe she'd said that out loud. She slapped her hand over her mouth and started laughing. "Sorry. It's just…" It's just I'm thinking about my girlfriend and how amazing she would look naked right now. Her breasts are delicious. "Sorry." She giggled.

"I'm Cole." He extended his hand.

"Alison." She took it and gave it a half-ass shake.

"Ah, like Alison Riske." He smiled.

"I'm not risqué." Alison frowned drunkenly at him. At least, not for anyone but Emily.

He chuckled as the bartender set his drink down in front of him.

"Not risqué. Riske. She's a tennis player. She's from Pittsburgh." He took a sip of his alcohol.

"Oh." Alison nodded. "So, are you from Pittsburgh?"

"No. I'm just passing through. On my way to see a friend in Buffalo."

"Do they not have buffalo wings in Buffalo?" It sounded a lot funnier in her head than it sounded out loud.

"It's a long drive," Cole replied. "I need as much fuel as my car."

"Why are you coming through Rosewood to go to Buffalo?"

"I'm coming from Cape May."

"Isn't that like a nine hour drive?"

"Not the way I drive." He flashed a smile at her.

The mention of his driving made Alison wish she was on the back of Emily's bike. She wanted to close her eyes and feel the wind around her. She wanted to feel carefree with her girlfriend at the helm. But things were changing. They were changing faster than she could get a handle on them.

She was so afraid that she was losing Emily. She felt like an idiot for the way she'd behaved earlier. But the further Emily got into her pregnancy the more possessive Alison felt.

Even stranger was the fact that she wasn't just terrified that she might lose Emily. If she lost Emily then she lost the baby, too. It was weird, because she didn't even like kids. But she was in love with the idea of meeting the baby. She was in awe of Emily and she couldn't wait to see her with her baby. And she wanted to be part of it.

Emily felt like home to her. She felt like family. And Alison had never been part of a family that actually wanted her. So she didn't want to screw it up.

She couldn't help but stew in her restlessness. Her feelings were so complex. She felt alive with the brunette. Before Emily had come along she felt like she'd just been existing. But when they met she felt something inside of her shift.

Sometimes it scared her how much she cared. Emotions were complicated, and sometimes she wished she could go back to not feeling anything at all, because at least then she wouldn't feel terror and heartbreak every time she had a disagreement with Emily.

In her heart she knew that she was making a bigger deal out of it than it really was. Emily had probably already forgotten about it. Riding her bike always helped her clear her head.

Alison stared at her phone again and silently grumbled about Emily not texting her back. If Emily was mad, it was one thing. But Alison was concerned by her radio silence, especially since Emily had someone torturing her.

She sent another text.

U ok?

"So, who's the guy?" Cole asked.

His voice startled Alison. She'd momentarily forgotten where she was and what she was doing.

"Huh?" She peeled her eyes away from her phone.

"You keep looking at your phone and making a face I recognize all too well. What's got that heart of yours all twisted up?"

Alison frowned at him. She wanted to tell him it was ignorant to assume it was a guy she was pining over. It was the 21st century. How did people still walk around assuming things like that? She glanced at two girls snuggling up together in a booth. She wished it was her and Emily.

"There is no guy." She mumbled.

"Ah. Girl, then?" He casually tipped his glass forward and took another sip of his beverage.

Maybe he wasn't as ignorant as she thought. But Alison didn't answer him. She didn't want to talk to some stranger about her relationship.

"Sorry for assuming. The wings and breasts comment should have tipped me off," he said. "Whoever it is…don't let them make you cry. You're far too pretty for that. Besides, if you two are right for one another it'll work out."

It was the first helpful thing he'd said. Maybe he wasn't as slimy as the other bar toads. She stared at her empty glass.

"I think I'll take that drink."

"You got it." He smiled and raised his hand to grab the bartender's attention.

After she was another drink in she started gushing about Emily. Then she lamented about Emily. Then she bragged about Emily. She went through her phone showing photo after photo of her girlfriend to Cole, careful only to show pictures of Emily above the waist.

He was friendly enough. Amenable even. He didn't seem to mind Alison dominating the conversation.

Alison sighed and stared at a photo she'd taken of Emily next to her motorcycle. She was leaning up against it looking up at the trees. Emily loved the trees. Alison loved that Emily loved the trees. She was in her regular biking attire. Black pants and her black riding jacket. The sun had hit her just right through the breaks in the trees.

She was the most gorgeous person Alison had ever laid eyes on. She remembered thinking that day just how lucky she was that Emily wanted to be with her.

"She seems like a great girl." Cole sipped his drink.

He'd finished up his wings. He had somehow managed not to get messy while eating one of the messiest foods that existed. He wiped his hands on his napkin.

"That's a nice bike." He leaned over to admire the photo. "She a good driver?"

"She's a good everything." Alison smiled warmly. She's MY everything. "She's pretty and smart and funny." Alison leaned her elbow against the bar. She felt warm and tired in the best way. "She's my best friend." I think I'm in love with her.

The thought was jarring. She'd never loved anyone before. It was terrifying. Love was scary. Feelings were scary.

She looked at the stranger next to her. For some reason she felt comfortable talking to him. It was easier to talk to someone she didn't know. Because she didn't give a shit if a stranger judged her.

"Have you ever met someone and you just…know your life would never be the same without them? It's like…" Alison looked down at her phone, "…it's like you give them every part of yourself, but it doesn't feel like enough. You want to give them more. You want to give them the world. Because they are your world. And you're only complete with them in your life." Alison glanced up at Cole, unsure if her gibberish was coherent. "Does that make sense? Do you have anyone in your life like that?"

His eyes flashed, but his face remained completely stoic. He seemed to be lost in thought.

"I've got a girl back home." He stared into his empty glass. "Gorgeous. Smart. Killer smile." He traced his index finger around the rim of his glass. He looked up at Alison. "You kind of remind me a little bit of her. And I'm not using that as a line or anything." He flashed a smile at her. There was something about it that sparked a familiarity in her brain.

Alison pinched her brow in thought. She felt like she had seen him before, but she didn't know him.

"Have we met before?" Alison asked.

"You and my girlfriend?" He seemed confused.

"No. You and me. You look familiar."

"I don't think so. But I do have one of those faces." He playfully rubbed his chin. "People confuse me with Superman all the time." He winked.

It was vain and narcissistic. But Alison thought it was hilarious. She slapped her palm against the bar, nearly knocking her plate to the ground. He caught it before it went airborne. It only made her laugh harder. He put the plate down and then started laughing with her.

"Nice save, Superman." Alison snorted.

"Faster than a speeding bullet."

"Bet that's pleasant for your girlfriend." Alison retorted without thinking. She didn't feel bad about it, especially since he laughed.

"Touche." He lifted his glass and realized it was empty. He waved the bartender over. "Can we get a couple of shots over here?"

Alison played with her phone as Cole ordered them another round of drinks and then excused himself to go to the bathroom.

Alison opened her messaging app. Emily still hadn't texted her back. It pissed her off. Her fingers hovered over the keyboard. Her phone looked like it was floating, so it took her a minute to focus on the letters.

Heyyyyy at least sent me a thumbsup or sommething so I no ur not dead n a ditch somwhere.

She didn't notice that it was riddled with drunken errors until after she hit send.

She put her phone down on the bar just as Cole was sitting back down.

"Anything yet?" Cole asked.

"She's stubborn." Alison shrugged, trying to convince herself that everything was fine. She was just blowing things out of proportion. She knew that Emily loved her. "What about you? How come your girlfriend isn't with you?"

"She's out of town. Away game," he said.

"She's an athlete?" Alison questioned. "Well, that's one quality I don't share with her."

"Really?" He seemed surprised. "You look like you're in pretty good shape."

"I mean…I exercise with my girlfriend." Alison was flattered.

She wasn't surprised by his compliment. She'd been blessed with great looks. She took a moment to take stock of the rest of the girls in the bar. She was by far the prettiest one there.

"Me, too. Perks of dating an athlete." He nodded with a smile. "She keeps me on my toes."

"You got a picture of her? I want to make sure I'm prettier."

He laughed.

"I don't have my phone on me."

"What kind of psychopath doesn't bring their phone into a bar?" Alison feigned disgust.

"The kind of psychopath who forgot to charge it before a ten hour trip and was forced to leave it on the car charger." He had a sheepish look on his face. "And the kind of psychopath who will be paying for it later after said girlfriend can't reach him."

Alison knew exactly how it felt to not be able to reach her significant other, so she was going to side with his girlfriend on that one.

She gave him a hard time.

"Sounds like someone is…" She snapped her hand in a back and forth motion, mimicking a whip, "whiiiiiped."

"If you knew her you'd understand." He didn't seem bothered. He had a stupid grin on his face.

"The sex is that good, huh?" Alison's filter had flown out the window.

Cole spit out the French fry that he was chewing on and almost choked in laughter. Alison grinned in pride.

"Jesus, warn a guy next time." He pounded his chest with a fist to try and curb his choking.

Alison giggled and took a sip of her drink. Her mouth was parched. She realized there was nothing in the glass. Looking at the bone dry dish made her suddenly aware of how badly she needed to pee. She told him she'd be right back and then walked away from the bar area.

She tried to multitask as she walked and scrolled through her text messages at the same time. She nearly ran into a table and a barstool twice. She bumped into an older patron as she was on her way into the bathroom area.

She stumbled into a stall and closed the door. She sat down, her head spinning. She felt dizzy. She took a moment to try and get her bearings. Was she flirting with some stranger in a bar? What the hell was she doing?

"This isn't you," Alison uttered to herself. "You're better than this." Emily deserves better.

She scanned the graffiti on the wall. There was a bunch of trashy shit written in various different colors. There were some inappropriate sketches and phone numbers, too. She spent a good five minutes staring at all the deviant artwork. Some of it was very realistic. Some of it was funny.

As she was finishing up in the bathroom she stopped to stare in the mirror. She peered at her reflection, barely recognizing herself.

She didn't know why she was acting this way. She didn't understand what was happening in her brain. Emily had her heart all kinds of twisted up. She made her want to take chances. And sometimes her feelings were so strong that she acted irrationally.

She glanced at her phone. Why wasn't Emily calling her back? She was starting to get worried. Something was eating away at her. Something didn't feel right.

She knew drunk dialing was dumb, but she did it anyway. She waited in anticipation as the call connected.

Emily didn't pick up. She listened to the sound of her voice on her voicemail.

"Hi. Hey. I…" Alison stopped talking when she realized the voicemail hadn't prompted her with the beep yet. She waited. And waited. And waited.

Then she realized she'd missed the beep, and for some reason that was hysterical to her. She started laughing so hard that she snorted.

"It didn't beep." She slapped her face when she realized she'd said that out loud. "Sorry. Em, I didn't mean it. I fucked up. But you're just…you're so cute and pretty and just…the best ever. And I get stupid sometimes. I'm a dumbass. But I'm your dumbass. I want to be your dumbass. I want to be your everything ass."

What was she saying?

"That came out wrong. Sorry. I'm rambling. I don't know where you are, but I'm starting to worry. Just…call me."

After she hung up she straightened herself up and walked towards the door. As she was reaching to pull it open it came swinging at her hard. She stumbled back, narrowly missing getting smacked in the face with it.

Alison dropped her phone. She didn't see where it went because a bunch of stuff came out of nowhere, scattering all over the floor. It took her a second to realize that the person rushing in had dropped her purse.

She looked up to yell at them to be more careful, but then her eyes met the tear-stained face of a young blonde woman.

Alison froze, the blonde triggering a weird knee-jerk reaction. But then she realized that the girl had brown eyes. She was seeing Courtney everywhere, even in total strangers.

The girl's face was heavily padded in make-up. She looked like she was in college. Her mascara was running down her cheeks. Her nose was fire-engine red. She looked pissed, but when she realized she'd nearly knocked Alison out with the door her face softened apologetically.

She leaned down to try and gather the contents of her purse. Coins. Nail polish. Make-up. A phone charger. Keys. Hand sanitizer. Tampons. Sunglasses. Gum. Lotion. The girl had an entire suitcase in her purse.

"I'm so sorry, hon." She looked like she was about to break down. "I have had the literal worst night. My jackass boyfriend is cheating on me with another girl."

"What a dick." Alison huffed out.

The girl looked up at her and let out a boisterous laugh. She started digging through her mess.

"Shit. My hand sanitizer spilled everywhere. Can you grab some paper towels?"

She started to tell the girl she wasn't her damn maid and to get her own damn paper towels, but then she asked herself what Emily would do. Emily would valiantly swoop in like a white knight and save the day.

Alison looked up and realized that there were no paper towel dispensers. People were trying to save the planet, which meant less paper towels for some reason. She walked into a stall and grabbed a wad of toilet paper.

When she emerged the girl had gotten everything together. She was wiping her sunglasses off with her shirt. Alison handed her the toilet paper.

"You're a doll." The girl swiped at the floor.

She stood up and tossed the toilet paper into the trash can.

Alison looked around.

"Um…did you see my phone?"

"Your phone?" She asked in confusion.

Alison felt an internal panic. What if it had busted? How could Emily reach her if her phone was busted?

"You knocked it out of my hands when you came running in like a crazy person," she said bitingly.

All of her sympathy had gone out the window. If this girl was the reason she missed a call from her girlfriend she was going to throttle her.

Instead of snapping back at her, the girl remained calm.

"Okay. Well, it couldn't have gotten up and walked away. It has to be here somewhere." She scanned the bathroom. She glanced at her purse. She rooted around for a few seconds, but then stopped. "Thought I might have accidentally scooped it up." She looked around the bathroom again. "Check the stalls." She moved the garbage can around to see if it had slid behind it.

Alison meticulously checked the stalls. She was checking the last one when she heard the girl exclaim,

"Found it!"

When Alison walked out of the stall she found the girl on her hands and knees pulling her phone out from underneath the sink. She reached into her pocket to grab something. She pulled out a small sanitizing wipe.

"These places are riddled with germs and sex pheromones. Can't be too careful." She wiped Alison's phone off. She handed it back to her. "Sorry for the trouble."

She turned around and stared at herself in the mirror. She tried to wipe away some of her mascara, but it wouldn't come off. She looked frustrated.

Alison watched her curiously. She wondered if that's what heartbreak looked like. Because it wasn't pretty. In fact, it looked quite painful. It looked like a lot of sad lonely days in sweatpants and crying.

Alison walked back into the stall and grabbed some more toilet tissue. She walked out and turned the sink on, running it under the water. Then she reached into her purse and pulled out a small make-up bag.

"Here. This should help."

She handed the girl a travel-sized bottle of make-up remover. The girl took it without saying a word and dabbed it on to the wet tissue. She used it to clean up her face. Then she reached into her pocket and pulled out a tube of mascara. She reapplied it.

"Really should have gone for the waterproof." She put the cap back on and then shoved it back into her pocket. She pulled out her lipstick and touched it up. She popped her lips out and then looked at Alison. "Thanks."

"No problem."

"Stay away from the guys in this town. They're savages."

"I have a girlfriend." Alison blurted out.

"Good. Good for you," she said. "Men are dogs."

"That's an insult to dogs." Alison uttered.

The girl huffed out a strained laugh.

"Stick with girls, sweetie." She wiped her face off again. "Thanks again."

"Yeah. Sure." She made a move towards the door, but she felt awkward. "Hey, uh…are you going to be okay?"

"I'll be fine after I key the motherfucker's car." She shrugged casually as she walked into a bathroom stall.

Alison didn't mean to laugh out loud, but she did. The bar scene was a weird ass scene. She had no idea what she was doing with this crowd of people.

"Good luck." She pulled the door open and walked out.

She walked back out to where Cole was sitting. He held up two shots when he saw her coming. Alison knew she'd had too much, but she didn't want to say no. It would be rude not to.

Alison clinked her glass against his and downed the drink. It was sour and burned going down. And it seemed to kick in a lot harder than her previous drinks. But it made her feel warm and sleepy and buzzed all at the same time.

She didn't remember the music starting, but she looked down at one point and saw her feet moving as several of the patrons danced to some twangy cowboy song. She wasn't sure how she'd ended up in the crowd.

She looked around at all the unfamiliar faces. For a brief second she thought she saw Wilden and she panicked. But when she closed her eyes and opened them back up he was gone. Her paranoia was getting worse.

Cole was a gentleman. He kept his distance as he tried to help her learn how to two-step. It was the oddest dance that Alison had ever tried to do.

She wasn't a complete novice when it came to dancing. In fact, she was fairly good at the classical art of dance. But she had no idea how to cut loose to country. Emily probably would have crushed it. No doubt she'd learned how to line dance in Texas.

Alison tried to follow Cole's motions, her eyes focused on his shoes. She kept getting distracted by the paint on them.

Once they finished dancing they went back to the bar. Alison collapsed into a drunken heap on the stool. Her stomach was doing flips. In hindsight she realized that it had been a terrible idea to get that physical with so much alcohol in her system.

"Here." He pushed his basket of half-eaten fries over towards her. "You need to eat something."

Alison stared at the greasy potatoes, internally groaning at the idea of ingesting them. On the other hand she knew she needed to eat something. She grabbed a fry and popped it into her mouth.

She saw Cole cringe.

"No ketchup? That might be a deal breaker. These fries deserve better than to be eaten raw." He teasingly started to pull the basket away from her. "Have some dignity." He shook his head, faking a shameful look.

"Dignity?" Alison laughed. "I saw you dipping them in barbecue sauce. That's degrading." Alison grabbed another fry and ate it.

"Fair point." He nodded. The music started up again, but Alison didn't budge. "Feel like kicking your boots and boogeying some more?" He tried his hand at a southern accent. It was a little over-exaggerated, but it wasn't half bad.

"What boots are you talking about, cowboy? You don't scream 'rodeo' to me in those kicks." She looked down at his shoes. The paint. Why was it so familiar? It was a bright shiny chrome red that popped. She was driving herself crazy trying to figure it out. "What's with the ruby red slippers? You a Wizard of Oz fan?"

"I volunteer with a big brother program. The kid I work with was doing set decorations for his high school play. We worked on it over the holidays."

"Are you even real?" Alison blurted out.

"Pardon?"

She had only ever met one other person who was as kind as Cole. Emily. Emily seemed like the type to help the less fortunate. He was like the dude version of her girlfriend.

"You're just really nice."

"You don't know nice people?" Cole seemed confused.

"Not really." She shook her head. "But I brought it on myself. I was kind of a mean girl."

She wasn't in denial about that. She knew that most people in Rosewood either feared her or hated her. It had felt good for a long time, but she had never known that another way existed. She didn't know that she could be around other people and keep them around simply by being nice. It was a concept that had always been lost on her.

"Well, it's never too late to change." He shrugged and took a sip of his beer. "And for what it's worth, you seem like a perfectly normal girl to me."

"Ugh, take that back." Alison argued.

He laughed.

"Fine. I retract my compliment." He rolled his eyes. "Can I at least tell you I think you're a good dancer?"

"I'll allow it." She nodded.

"You ever two-stepped before?"

"No. Never. But my girl is a cowgirl." Alison smiled. "Well, sort of. She's from Texas." She stopped and thought about it. "Well, not from there. She was born in Pennsylvania, but she lived in Texas for a while. She's smart and fun and cultured." She hummed drunkenly and leaned her cheek against her palm. She rested her elbow against the bar. "I've learned so much by being with her."

Alison had worked hard on trying to be the girl that Emily deserved. She had changed so much that she barely recognized who she was anymore. She'd even abandoned her old friends for her.

Now she had Emily's friends…who hated her. All of them except Mike, who seemed to be the most chill person in the entire school. She'd never given Aria's little brother credit for letting everything roll off of his back. The kid was funny, too. His mother had probably smoked dope when she was pregnant with him because he had all the qualities of a typical stoner.

Becoming friends with Emily's friends wasn't the worst thing in the world. Cindy and Mindy were toxic. She couldn't imagine where she'd be now if she had chosen them over the girl of her dreams.

She looked at her phone.

Still no response.

Emily, where are you?

She yawned and closed her eyes.

She thought it was just for a second, but when she opened them back up everything looked different. Their dishes had been cleared. She glanced at Cole, who had her phone.

"What are you doing?" she asked.

"I'm calling you an Uber. I want to make sure you get home safely."

"Who said anything about me going home?" Alison waved for the bartender. "One more round."

He picked up the bottle and poured more liquor into two shot glasses.

"I don't know if that's such a good idea."

"Shut up and drink." Alison slid a glass over to him.

She wasn't ready to go home yet. She couldn't stand to be across the street from Emily and not be with her.

She thought about how Emily was probably in her room pacing the floor and worrying about whether or not she was home. She could picture the crinkled worried expression on her face. She could see her peeling back her curtains and looking across the street.

It was the last thing she thought about before her vision was swallowed in a haze of darkness.

o ~ O ~ o

Emily was lying on the ground, wheezing. Unable to breathe. Unable to move. She'd lost feeling in her body. All except the excruciating pain in her abdomen. She blinked, staring at the dark night sky above her. For the first time since she'd discovered she was pregnant, her body felt cold. Yet she could feel the sweat on her cheeks. She could feel a fiery burning pain in her stomach.

She needed help. She had to get help. She was in distress. Her baby was in distress.

She tried to turn to her side, but the pain was unbearable. It was like someone had reached inside of her and was ripping her open. The intensity of the anguish was like nothing she'd ever felt before. But she fought against the pain.

She let out a strangled moan through her clenched teeth. Her voice was between a cry for help and a desperate agonizing wail of sorrow. It fell on deaf ears. She didn't know how long it had been since the other driver left her to die.

She thought if she could just roll over…if she could just get moving she could get somewhere for help. She couldn't walk. But she could most certainly crawl. She had to. For her daughter.

She'd heard stories about the rush of adrenaline that mothers experienced in order to save their children. A mother's love could push people to do extraordinary things. A surge of strength to lift a car off of her baby is what she needed. She'd tear down the world to save her daughter.

But no matter how much strength someone had mentally and emotionally, it was only helpful if there was a working body to push through. Emily knew hers was broken and mangled. And dying. But it wasn't her body she was worried about. It wasn't her life that was her priority.

Her child was all that mattered.

A warm tear slid against her cheekbone, rolling backwards towards her ear, the trail of it leaving a prickling feeling against her cool skin.

She knew her baby was a fighter. Her baby was a fighter just like her mother.

Keep fighting. She begged.

She knew it was fruitless. She felt an intense amount of pressure in her shattered pelvis and a backstabbing pain that radiated all the way down her lower back. Every contraction she felt down in her nerves was unending. But Emily fought it. She couldn't bear the idea of losing the very reason her heart continued to beat day in and day out.

She couldn't lose her. Not now. Not after she'd fallen in love with her.

Please. I'll do anything. Please not her. Take me instead. Just let her be okay.

But it was too late to bargain. She couldn't do anything. She was helpless.

She tried to concentrate on the stars. Alison loved the stars. They were beautiful. Nature was comforting.

Her eyes drifted open and closed. She could feel every pulse of her beating heart, yet all she could think about was whether or not her daughter's heart was still working. Was she still alive?

Her mobility was debilitating because every second she felt her lifeless body slipping away was a second she knew her child was in danger. And that was the most horrible feeling in the world.

Everything ached, but nothing worse than the crippling pain in her heart. The emotional pain was worse than the physical pain.

You'd better take me, too, because I refuse to exist in a world without my baby…

She finally mustered up enough strength to let out a scream. She couldn't contain it. All she wanted to do was wrap her arms around her little girl and keep her safe.

An intense wave of muscle contractions made her lightheaded. She was losing blood. She was losing her life. She was losing everything.

She knew it was only a matter of time before she passed out.

o ~ O ~ o

When she opened her eyes she saw blood circling down the drain. Her tears had dried, but she still felt completely numb. Her hands were trembling. She gently pushed her palms against her face and quietly sobbed as the spray of the shower beat down against her bare skin.

The funny thing about near death experiences was the vivid nature of how different things could have been.

Had she not swerved off of the road on to the shoulder and had she not kept control of her bike she could have lost everything. Her life. Her love. Her child.

The thought of what could have happened scared the hell out of her. She kept closing her eyes and imagining what would have happened if she'd actually been hit. The pain was so excruciating in her hallucinations that it felt real.

She had narrowly avoided that collision. Fortunately, her defensive driving courses had kicked in and she was able to maneuver around the car. She'd never been happier that her father had forced her into safety classes.

The car had whizzed by her, nearly clipping her. She'd spun around on her bike and watched the car speeding off into the distance. She'd instinctively gone after it. She was done with the games. Between the altercation she'd had with Alison and the psychological torture she was enduring and the uncertainty about her future she was at her wit's end.

She was pissed and tired and she was ready to fight. But the fog was too heavy, and she lost sight of the car.

When she got home she lost it. She was starting to crumble under the pressure. She didn't need the added stress of some douchebag in the dark. She had so much pent up rage inside she didn't know what to do with it.

So she took it out on the wall. It had ended up hurting her more than the wall. It had been a stupid thing to do, but her impulses had momentarily taken control.

She gently washed the blood off of her hands, watching the rust colored goo slip down against the shower floor. Her knuckles were bruised and bloodied.

She had tried to sneak past her parents so they wouldn't ask questions, but her injuries didn't go unnoticed.

She had nearly bowled her dad over on the way into the house. He had been on his way out to see if she wanted to join them for dinner.

"Whoa, easy, where's the fire?" He'd gotten used to Emily rushing through the house, so he was always ready to catch her before they hit head-on.

"I just…I need…" Emily suddenly realized that she should have just stayed in the garage until she'd settled down. "I've got to pee…"

But it was too late. He'd caught her wrist to keep her from colliding with him and he'd seen the blood.

"What's this about?" He'd lifted her hand and observed the bloody abrasions.

"Dinner is on the table. I know you've been craving stir fry, so I…" Her mother had stopped in the kitchen entryway and looked at her husband and her daughter. She'd seen the tension on Emily's face. Her eyes immediately darted to the blood on her hands. "My God, Emily…what happened?"

Pam had rushed over next to her husband.

"It's nothing. Just got carried away in boxing." She'd muttered.

Her dad didn't look convinced. Her mom had shaken her head in disapproval and sighed.

"You really need to stop that silly sport at this point. It's so dangerous. You should go back to swimming."

"They don't exactly have a pregnancy division on the high school swim team." Emily had snapped sarcastically.

"You watch your mouth." Her mother scowled.

"Boxing is just a part of who I am, mom." It was yet another part of herself that her mother didn't approve of.

"You're so stubborn…"

God, she sounded like Alison. Everyone in her life thought that the pregnancy somehow made her incapable of thinking for herself.

Alison and her mother were the worst offenders. She'd never noticed that similarity before. Was there some weird psychological reason that she was dating someone as overprotective as her mother? Was it a Freudian thing?

Emily was annoyed, but after a few seconds she realized she wasn't annoyed at her parents. She was just annoyed in general. She was mad about being targeted. She was mad that she couldn't articulate her feelings. She was mad that Alison was struggling with her emotions. She was mad that she couldn't control anything anymore.

It wasn't other people that were the problem. It was her. She couldn't be angry at her parents or Alison for being overprotective. It was her fault for not telling them that boxing and riding were the only things keeping her sane.

"Why don't we discuss this over some stir-fry? Em, wash up and join us." Her dad suggested.

"I had a really long day and I'm not feeling very well." It wasn't a lie. She'd felt sick to her stomach since the second she'd been run off the road. "I think I just want to shower and head to bed."

"Honey, it's important not to skip meals…" Her mother had furrowed her brow anxiously.

"I know. I really appreciate you going to the trouble. Maybe I'll feel better after my shower."

She hadn't given them the chance to ask more questions. She'd quickly made her way to her bedroom.

Something about the tone in her voice had unnerved her mother. Her instincts were going haywire. She knew something was wrong.

"Wayne…" Pam looked at her husband helplessly.

Emily was stubborn. But she'd gotten that stubborn nature from her mom and dad. And she was too stubborn to reach out for help.

"I know…" He'd nodded. He knew his little girl needed him. "Let's go…"

"She's been pushing me away for months."

Occasionally Emily let her in, but more often than not she wanted her dad. It hurt Pam, but she knew a lot of their dissension was because of how she'd been treating her. Sometimes she wished she could go back and do things differently.

"She'll shut down if I'm there." Emily had a habit of freezing her out when she was hurting. Emily had slowly been opening up to her, asking questions occasionally, but she could still feel an invisible barrier between them. "We can't let her go through this alone. You remember how hard it was for me…" Her voice cracked.

Wayne could see how bothered his wife was by their daughter's pain. He reached up and rubbed his hand against her shoulder blades.

"I've got it, Ma." He kissed her head.

He'd given Emily about five minutes to settle down and then he'd walked towards her room. Surprisingly, she'd left the door cracked. She was sitting on the edge of her bed, trying to get her boots off. Her feet and ankles were swollen, so she was having to unlace them all the way.

"Hey, champ." He knocked on the door. She'd looked up at him, tears glistening in her eyes. "You okay?"

NO! She wanted to shout it from the top of her lungs. She wanted to tell him everything. Instead, she just weakly smiled at him.

"I'm fine. Just had a weird day."

He could see her shivering.

"I knew it was too cold for you to take the bike out," he'd mumbled as he walked over to her bedside.

He didn't know the real reason she was shaking. He didn't know how close he'd come to losing his daughter and his granddaughter.

"It wasn't that bad." Emily kicked her left boot off. "I just…I hit this wall." Literally. Actually literally. But emotionally, too. "I don't know. I've got so much on my mind. I keep thinking about the baby…and my future. And I think I know what I want, but I'm afraid if I admit it, it's going to change everything." She swallowed hard and slowly looked up at him. "I got the apartment."

"That's…" He wasn't sure how to react. They'd talked about it. He knew it was coming. They'd encouraged her to branch out on her own. In fact, they'd pretty much outright demanded it. He couldn't be surprised that she'd followed through. He sat down next to her. "Do you like it?"

"I do. But all this…it's just happening so fast." Her emotions were out of control. She felt sad. She felt angry. She felt scared. She felt lost. "I know I screwed up getting pregnant, but I think…" She'd paused, "I know…I KNOW I'm in love with my daughter. And it's…SO much. I don't know how to handle it. Because I feel like I'm not good enough. And I feel like a terrible mother, because I don't know what I'm doing…"

"Emmy, baby…"

"It's just really hard, dad." She'd cried.

"Sweetheart…no one really knows what they're doing." He'd wrapped his arm around her. "Pregnancy…it can be really lonely for expectant parents. There was a period of time when your mother was pregnant that she had a tough time. It's perfectly normal to feel whatever you're feeling. And your mother and I…we're here for you."

"I don't know how to talk to you guys about this." She didn't know how to talk to anyone about it.

"What about Alison?"

Emily glanced up at him. It was very odd to hear her dad talk about her girlfriend. He didn't dislike Alison, but he certainly didn't go out of his way to ask about her. Her parents were coming around to her sexuality, but it was still jarring to them to see her with a girl.

"She's got a lot going on."

"So do you." Her dad touched her hand. "Baby, you've spent your whole life painting yourself as a pillar of strength…" He'd trailed his fingers through a purple stripe in her hair. "But even pillars need support. And that's okay. It's okay to need help."

"I know. But right now I just…I want to be left alone." She'd wiped her tears away with her sleeves. "Not…not forever or anything. Just tonight. I just need some time."

"Okay. But when you're ready to talk let us know. Your mom is worried about you. So am I. And you can even invite Alison over, too, if it would make you feel better. We could have dinner one night."

Emily bit her lip. She was afraid that would be a disaster. Her mother was passive aggressive and Alison was aggressive aggressive. It was bound to end in someone getting stabbed with a serving fork.

"I'll think about it."

Her dad leaned over and kissed the top of her head.

"You're doing great, kid. It may not feel like it, but you are."

Emily wrapped her arms around him, hugging him tight. For a few brief moments she forgot about the weights holding her down.

But she still felt cold.

She'd excused herself to take a shower, hoping that would warm her up.

Despite the steam surrounding her and the hot water drizzling against her body her teeth wouldn't stop chattering. And she couldn't stop crying. It hit her in waves. Just when she thought she was done crying another surge of feelings burst through to the surface. Her instinct had always been to control it, but she couldn't control this. It was bigger than her. And it made her angry. It made her feel like punching away the pain. But she knew that wasn't going to work either.

She watched as the fresh blood swirled down the drain. She flexed her fingers, grateful that she hadn't broken anything.

She moved her palm down against her abdomen and let it rest against her bump. It was bad enough that someone was trying to hurt her. But the fact that her child could have been killed rattled her. So she stood underneath the shower head holding her bump and crying. Because it was all that she could do.

After her shower she sat in the bathroom and blow-dried her hair. Usually she let it dry naturally, but she wanted the extra heat. She still felt cold, though she knew it wasn't from the elements. The chill was internal.

She dreaded looking at her phone. She didn't want to see what her psycho-stalker was going to say about running her off the road.

When she did finally look she didn't have any new messages from her cyberbully, which was weird, because they usually gloated when they attacked her. She saw several texts and a voicemail from Alison.

She felt bad about the way she'd left things with her. She hadn't meant to snap at her. She'd been feeling a lot of emotions about the reality of seeing the apartment. Things were changing, and she knew that soon she would be on her own. It was a lot to try and wrap her head around. She had flashes of walking around the apartment with a screaming baby in her arms. She hadn't told Alison about the obsessive thoughts she had or the anxiety that had come with the pregnancy. She was worried that something was wrong with her.

She had fleeting thoughts about how she was going to juggle work and life and a baby. She was worried that keeping the baby when there was a potential for a better life would be selfish. But it was a terrifying thought to imagine her life without her baby. She was torn between two worlds. The only thing she felt confident about was how much love she had for the little person inside her that she hadn't even met yet.

She'd realized the infinite nature of that love the second she saw a pair of headlights bearing down on her. The person tormenting her had opened up something inside of Emily. A mother's worst fear. She hadn't seen her own life flashing before her eyes. She'd seen the life her daughter would never get to have. A realization had washed over her as she steered out of the clutches of death. The more this person came at her, the stronger her resolve was to protect her child. No matter what.

She closed her eyes and took a breath. She concentrated on her heart rate, letting it slow. Sometimes she could feel the slightest flutter of movement when she practiced deep breathing. And it calmed her. Feeling her baby inside of her was strange and soothing at the same time.

She reached for the most recent ultrasound photo she'd had taken. It had been on the nightstand next to her bed ever since her last visit to her OB a week ago. She'd cried when she saw her.

She smoothed her fingers over the picture. She could make out more of the baby's features. She was starting to look more and more like a little human. Emily smiled. She couldn't wait to meet her.

She rubbed her stomach. She had never pictured herself as one of those women who would touch her belly all the time and talk to her baby, but the changes happening inside of her had sparked something in her heart.

"Hey, baby girl." She took a deep breath, watching as her stomach rose and then fell. "You doing okay in there? I know tonight was kind of scary…" She rubbed circles against her taut skin. "It was my fault. And I…" She felt tears stinging her eyes, "I'm so sorry. I need to do better. I owe you better. The thing is…I'm still figuring it out. But I want you to know that I will always do everything I can to keep you safe."

She smiled timidly. She always felt awkward talking to her belly, but she took solace in the fact that her baby might be able to hear her.

She felt something that felt like a pulse from the inside, and she was pretty sure it was her daughter's tiny little hand pressing up against hers. The subtle gesture took away every ounce of pain she felt.

"I feel you, sweetheart. And I want you to know that without a doubt…no matter what happens…mommy loves you. I've never loved anyone more. And I never will."

She laughed through her tears. She took a sniffly breath through her nose.

"Oh, and…sorry about those burritos a few nights ago." She'd had heartburn like she'd never had in her life after she'd had Mexican night with Alison.

She laid back on her bed, her hand still against her stomach, picturing her daughter's face. It calmed her down.

After she'd managed to settle her mind she reached for her phone to listen to Alison's message. The message made no sense. She was blabbering and saying things that she didn't understand.

Emily quickly hit the speed dial.

Alison picked up immediately.

"You're alive." Alison's voice sounded warm and happy.

Barely.

"Yeah. Are you okay?" Emily asked.

"I…" There was a pause. "I don't think so." She was slurring her words. "I need your help…"

Emily's heart sank.

She was drunk.

Again.

She seemed to be leaning on alcohol more and more to deal with her emotions. Emily didn't like it, but she understood it. Because as terrifying as her pregnancy was for her…it was just as scary for Alison. Sometimes Emily got so wrapped up in everything surrounding motherhood that she forgot that they were just kids.

It was a lot for anyone to deal with, let alone two high-schoolers with their entire futures ahead of them. Emily had signed up for the highs and lows when she decided that she was going to have the baby. Alison hadn't been planning for any of it. But she'd stayed with Emily, because she loved her.

"There was…there was a guy." Alison mumbled. "But he left. Now it's just me. I thought…I thought an Uber was coming. But it's been like forever."

"Are you hurt? Did someone hurt you?" She flexed her sore knuckles.

"No. I danced." She sounded like she was smiling.

"Where are you?"

Five minutes later she was walking out of her house with the keys to her parents' car, which had been easy to finagle out of her dad, because she had him wrapped around her finger. It took her half an hour to get to the bar.

She parked the car and climbed out of the driver's seat. She shoved her hands in her pockets and walked over towards the building. There were a few people mingling near the front entrance.

When she got closer she saw Alison slumped up against the curb. When Alison saw Emily approaching she stood up.

"You came." Alison gripped a light pole to support herself so she wouldn't fall over.

"Of course I came." Emily sighed. She reached out to her to help steady her. "I'll always come when you call."

"I'm sorry." Alison stared at her with her big blue eyes. "About what I said. About how I acted."

"I know." She was always sorry. Emily was used to hearing it. "Don't worry about it. It wasn't all on you. I overreacted."

"Hormones." Alison smiled crookedly.

"That. And I was freaking out."

"What's wrong?" An internal panic shot up her spine. "Is it the baby? Is everything okay…"

"She's fine." Emily interrupted her. "It's me. I'm just dealing with some things. Some…uncertainties and some decisions. I've been thinking a lot these past few weeks. About you and me. About what this baby means for us."

"For us?" Her stomach churned. "Are you breaking up with me?"

"What?" Emily drew back in surprise. "No. No, of course not. Why would you even think that?"

"Because I'm drunk outside of a bar and everyone hates me." Alison took a wobbly step and nearly tripped over her heel. Emily caught her and held her upright.

"Who hates you?"

"I saw the way Hanna looked at me after you guys went clothes shopping. She still hates me. They all hate me. No matter what I do I'll never be good enough. They don't think I'm good enough. And they're right."

"Hey…" Emily cupped her cheek. Alison smiled at her. She was warm. So warm. "I don't care what anyone else thinks. All I care about is you."

"You still care about me?" Alison had tears leaking down her cheeks.

"Of course I do." Emily brushed some of her hair out of her face. "We're going to have these moments. We're not always going to agree. It's part of being in a relationship…of growing up." She licked her lips. "But I need you to realize something. Things can't stay the way they are. I'm going to be a mother, Ali. And this…" She pointed to the bar, "I…can't keep doing this. It's a pattern with you. You get mad. And you do things like this, and I…this isn't…" Emily hesitated. "I'm not saying any of this to hurt you. I know you've dealt with a lot of shit in your life. Your parents. Wilden. Ian. I get it. I do. But in order for this to work…I need you to know that when this baby comes…I need to know that you understand that I have to look out for her, too."

"You…you're going to keep her?" Alison blinked, her face soft and excited.

There was a long pause before Emily answered.

"Yeah. I think I am." It's why she'd been so freaked out after she'd seen the apartment. Her heart had been so torn about her future. She hadn't actively been thinking about whether or not she was going to give the baby up for adoption, but she had actively been working to set up a life for her without even realizing it. "And if I do I don't want my child to be yo-yoed back and forth. I know you care about me. I also know I'm asking a lot. But if you want to be in my life…you're going to be in hers, too." Emily peered into Alison's eyes. "Please don't make me choose between you and my baby."

Alison reached up to touch her face. Her skin was so soft. She trailed her fingers against Emily's cheek, drawing a sloppy drunken trail with her fingertips.

"You're so pure." Alison stared at her.

"Come on." Emily sighed, snaking her arm around the small of Alison's back. "I'll take you home."

"I'm not wanted there either," Alison mumbled. She sighed with a solemn look on her face. "I don't think my parents wanted me."

"Of course they did." But Emily wasn't sure that was the truth. Still, she knew Alison needed to hear it.

"They're never home. They're gone again this weekend. Jason, too." Her eyes welled up with tears. "I'm alone. No one wants me."

"You're not alone." Emily kissed her forehead tenderly. "You have me."

"Promise?"

"Always."

Half an hour later she was helping Alison into her bed. She had already decided she was going to stay with her for a while since her parents weren't home. And she didn't want to leave Alison alone in her drunken state.

Alison peered up at her with a dreamy look on her face.

"I'm so glad you're here." Alison smiled at her. She could always count on her girl. "I'm so lucky I have you. You're the only one who really understands me, Em."

She grabbed Emily's hand and pulled her towards the bed. Emily didn't object. She scooted in next to her. She laid on her side facing Alison.

Their eyes met. Emily's eyes were so warm and welcoming and patient. It made Alison feel like she was lying in warm sand surrounded by sunlight. Emily looked like she was surrounded by an aura of angelic light. She saw colors radiating off of her. It didn't feel real. She was too perfect to be real, but she was too warm to be a hallucination.

There was an unspoken exchange between them. Alison gently caressed Emily's cheek before moving in for a kiss. Emily could taste the liquor on her breath. It tasted and smelled ten times more potent than normal. It was an odd spicy blend. But Emily was too caught up in the moment to care.

After a few seconds Alison paused and pulled back. Alison had a content smile on her face. She always felt safe in Emily's arms.

Emily hovered over her, looking down at her. She stared at the tiny rim of crystal blue surrounding Alison's large dilated pupils. She put her hand against Alison's side and moved down so their foreheads were touching. They stared into each other's eyes as Alison lifted her hand and curled her fingers against Emily's jaw.

"You're so beautiful, Em." Alison uttered breathlessly.

She'd heard that pregnancy made people glow, but Emily's luminosity was stunning.

They moved in for another kiss. Their lips crashed together with more force. It was pure animalistic urges.

Alison slipped her hand underneath Emily's shirt, her fingers tickling her ribs as they made their way up to her chest. She wasn't wearing a bra. Her skin felt slick. Alison knew it was because of the cocoa butter she used to help with stretch marks. Her bosom was full and warm, but Alison knew her breasts were tender so she was careful not to hurt her.

Emily felt her gentleness and smiled into the kiss. Their tongues rolled together. Alison bit down on Emily's lip and gently tugged on it. Emily rubbed her cheek with one hand and slid her other hand underneath Alison's nightgown.

Alison felt Emily's nimble fingers exploring her chest, squeezing and caressing and fondling the sensitive flesh. She felt blood rushing to her cheeks. A hot flash of pleasure overpowered her and she moaned into Emily's mouth.

She started panting and grasping at Emily, trying to pull her body closer, momentarily forgetting about the bump between them. Alison's motions were desperate and greedy and controlling. Normally, she let Emily take the lead. But she wanted to take the reins, so Emily let her. Alison rolled forward, pressing her body against Emily's.

Emily grasped her hips to hold her steady. Alison's nightgown started to ride up over her hips as she moved. Emily lifted her thigh and starting moving it against her. It encouraged Alison to continue. She reached up to pull her nightgown off, but she felt Emily's soft hands against her arms.

"Hey…" Emily had to fight her desire to help her rip her clothes off. She felt Alison's entire body tense up and then relax. She wanted Alison as much as Alison wanted her, but not like this. "Slow down."

Emily's compassion only made Alison want her more. There was nothing slow or delicate about it. Alison was frenzied. She could feel herself pulsing. She was gently bucking her pelvis against Emily, her body needing a release that only Emily could give her. She grabbed Emily's fingers and pushed them in between their bodies.

Emily was riding high on her adrenaline from the near miss earlier and she was hormonal and her emotions were out of balance and she wanted to feel something other than anxiety. But she knew that Alison wasn't in her right mind.

Emily slowed her motions and gently broke the kiss.

"Emily," Alison whispered, gripping her wrist tightly, pushing it between her thighs. She wanted to feel anything other than her emotional distress. "Please."

It was so hard for Emily to resist. She could feel the heat radiating off of her. She felt her breath starting to quicken. But she looked at Alison, and she saw how vulnerable she was. She knew how impulsive she was when she was drunk.

"Not when you're drunk, baby." She wanted Alison to be able to feel it…to connect to it…to remember it.

She touched Alison's face and gave her a soft chaste kiss. She expected Alison to beg, but Alison just buried herself in their kisses. She kissed Emily over and over. It made her feel better. She continued to capture her lips…to touch her…to hold her…until the alcohol exhaustion set in. She felt tired. She laid down against Emily's body, snuggling her cheek up to her chest.

"You're so warm." Alison muttered against her skin. She was verging on scorching. "Will you stay with me?"

"Until the end of time." Emily kissed the top of her head.

She felt Alison's cheek twitch as she smiled at the response. Emily reached up between Alison's shoulder blades and lovingly rubbed her back. She pressed her chin against the top of Alison's head.

The room was silent for a few minutes. Emily thought that Alison had fallen asleep, but then she heard Alison sigh dreamily,

"I want to do this with you," she said quietly.

"We will. Just…not when you're totally trashed."

"No. Not that." Alison put her palm against Emily's belly. "This." There was a gentle flutter that Emily felt internally when Alison rubbed her stomach. The baby always seemed to respond to her. "I've never had a real family. I want to be a family with you. And her. I want it to be us."

Emily didn't know what to say. It's not like it was a surprise to her, but hearing Alison actually say it out loud touched her heart. It was quiet moments like this that reminded her why she loved Alison so much.

"I know it's more than doctor's visits and birth plans and prenatal vitamins. I know things are going to change after you have the baby. I know we're young and I know what this means. But…I want to do this with you. If…if you want me." She glanced up at Emily.

Emily was torn, because she wanted that more than anything. But she didn't want to hold Alison back. She wanted to find a way for them to be together and let Alison thrive in the future. The last thing she wanted was for Alison to feel stuck, though the blonde had not given her any indication that that was the case.

"Are you sure?" Emily asked.

"When you told me about her, I knew. I just knew. I meant what I said that night. You are the best thing that's ever happened to me. And I want to be with you. Forever. I know I've been kind of a wreck. I don't mean to be. What I did tonight…going to that bar with a certified nutjob out there after us…it was stupid. Really stupid. I know that. I don't know what came over me. I've just been worried because you have been in so much danger…"

Emily bit her lip. She wasn't sure she wanted to tell Alison she'd almost become roadkill earlier. The blonde was already teetering on the edge of unstable.

"I really am sorry. I heard what you said…outside the bar. And you're right. I know I act impulsive and irrational sometimes, but it's only because I am so crazy about you…"

Emily touched her cheek with a soft smile on her face.

"You don't have to do crazy things to get my attention. You've had my heart since we were kids. And that's never going to change." Her thumb brushed her jaw. "I want you, Alison." She gently grasped Alison's hand and pushed her palm against her stomach. "I want you as much as I want her. And I never want you to think otherwise."

It was one of the most beautiful things that Alison had ever heard, because she knew the amount of love that Emily had for her daughter.

She felt Emily's arms wrapping around her to pull her in tighter. Alison relaxed against Emily's body. She had never felt happier.

She drifted off to sleep. Emily could tell she was out when she felt Alison slump against her body. She glanced at the clock.

It was only 10:00.

It felt much later. The day's events had exhausted her. She was achy and tired and she felt crampy and nauseated. But she wasn't leaving Alison. Emily held her while she slept. She drifted in and out for a little while, checking on Alison every time she woke.

At 11:30 she heard her phone buzzing. She opened her sleep-filled eyes. Her arms were wrapped around a beautiful blonde…who was clearly still feeling her booze. She was snoring.

Still cute. Emily thought to herself.

She assumed the message was from her mom. Her parents didn't like her being out late. She carefully pried herself away from Alison and sat up against the edge of the bed.

The message wasn't from her mother. It was a text from Caleb.

GOT A HIT. CALL ME.

Emily nearly dropped the phone. She glanced at the sleeping blonde. She didn't want to wake her, so she quietly tip-toed out of the room and walked out into the hallway. She called Caleb and he picked up.

"Hey. What did you find out?"

"You may want to sit down."

"Caleb." Her voice cut sharply. After the near miss on the road Emily was tired of waiting for answers.

"It's in Alison's house," he said.

Emily felt a heavy ball in the pit of her stomach. Were they in danger? Was someone there? Her eyes flickered down the hallway. She looked around for anything she could use as a weapon.

"Emily…did you hear me?" Caleb asked.

"What?"

"The phone…it's in Alison's house."

"That can't be…" Emily wasn't comprehending it. "There has to be some mistake. I'm at her house right now. There's no way…"

"I'm going to try and boot it remotely."

Emily waited. She was certain he'd made a mistake.

"Emily?" Alison opened the door. She was rubbing her eyes. She yawned when she saw her. "Everything okay?"

It wasn't true. It couldn't be true.

Alison saw the look on her face and her eyes widened.

"Is something wrong?" She reached out to touch her arm, but before her fingers made contact with her skin a loud chiming noise rang out from downstairs.

Emily's heart started thumping wildly in her chest. She bolted towards the noise, leaving a confused Alison standing in the hallway. The blonde quickly went after her.

She found her in the living room. Emily lifted the top of the piano open. She saw a phone inside taped to the side of it. Her heart sank as she reached for it. When she hit the button on the side she saw it booting.

The messaging screen popped up with a familiar text.

Enjoy the holidays while you can, slut. Gravy isn't the only thing that can smother things.

It was the threat she'd gotten on Thanksgiving. She scrolled up, seeing several more familiar threats. She stared at the phone and then slowly lifted her eyes to meet Alison's gaze.

"Emily? What's going on?" Caleb asked.

Emily had forgotten her phone was still against her ear.

"Caleb, I'll call you back." Emily felt like she couldn't breathe.

She cut their call off and lowered her phone. Alison peered at the burner phone in Emily's hand. The look on her face spoke volumes. Emily's mind started racing.

She felt her phone buzz in her hand. She thought it was Caleb calling her back. She was ready to tell him he had it all wrong. But it wasn't him. It was from the unknown number.

You didn't think I was in this alone, did you? It takes a village.

Emily had considered a million different scenarios, but never one so close to home. It was too painful to consider it. She waited for Alison to speak up. She wanted her to say something. She wanted her to say anything. But Alison just stood in front of her, perfectly silent, her lips pursed in thought.

All Emily could think about was how just hours ago she'd held the girl of her dreams in her arms, and how they'd shared intimate things and quiet moments of vulnerability. The softness…the kindness…the passion.

Alison had held her hand when she'd had her first ultrasound. And she'd held it even tighter and cried with her at her most recent doctor's appointment. Emily saw something in Alison when she talked about her love for her and her child. She'd felt it in her heart when Alison delicately touched her belly and told her she wanted to be a family.

Emily was struggling to reconcile that any of what they had was a lie. She was struggling to believe that Alison could be involved in anything that hurt her, let alone her daughter. She thought about how much the blonde loved her…about how much she loved her daughter. She thought about how attentive Alison had been, how in tune she'd been with her needs. How could the girl who fussed about her taking her prenatal vitamins and sang lullabies to her unborn daughter possibly be involved in something so ruthless? So vicious? Surely her love wasn't a lie.

But as doubt started to creep into her mind Emily saw the dream of the two of them and her little girl slipping away. All the hope that she had…the path that had been so clear was littered with a dense blinding fog. And just like she'd been out on the road earlier, she was caught in the headlights with no clear direction to go to avoid the collision. She wasn't sure if she should swerve or if she should speed directly into the path of the oncoming danger.

A/N: I feel the urge to apologize for my long-winded chapters after receiving a review elsewhere that my Emison stories can be wordy (it was not aimed at this particular fic). But then I thought about it and I realized that long after I'm gone my words will live on. And I like words. They're nifty...and often necessary to lay the groundwork for a coherent story. Like Hamilton, I'mma write non-stop.

That being said, I realize this chapter *is* hella long. And I expect more pitchforks for having Alison acting a fool (poor girl just can't get her shit together) to deal with her feels and for the mean fake out with Emily. When I was re-reading for the edit I made a note about the family dynamics of Emily's parents versus Alison's...and how being unwanted makes Alison do how she do.

More intriguing things ahead. More mystery to be solved. More words aplenty.