Gabbstterr: I know right! Ahhh!

marsolino: And thank you for reading up until now!

Ellixwolf: You're so sweet! It means a lot, because pacing is something I always struggle with.

Beatsie-Boy: I am of Indian descent, yup.

Guest: Your squeals are adding years to my life, so don't stop!

LethyNeves: Yeah, babey! Finally!

musa22lbl: Thank you! Yeah no, no one ever gets magically fixed by relationships, they can only like push your issues to the back for a bit imo.

CarolynWolfe: You are going to really love this chapter then. I'm still so happy that you liked the chapter without the letter, now you can like it with. :3

Soo, I was really mad at myself for publishing the last chapter without writing the letter. I decided to remedy that and edit the chapter with the letter, but then the letter kind of got away from me, and now I decided to make it its own chapter?! This is the end result, and I gotta say, I'm actually happy with it, short as it is. I hope you all enjoy it too. I feel much better getting this out before moving forward.

...

Attempt 1:

Dear Edward,

I don't think I'm allowed to call you dear, am I? Or am I overthinking it? Wow, I'm already overthinking the first word of this stupid letter I'm writing you. I had a point, I swear. Fuck. Shit. Messed this one up. Nevermind.

Attempt 2:

Edward,

Okay, that just sounds cold, or like I'm mad at you. I mean, I am mad at you, but I don't want it to seem like I'm mad at you. Damn it. I've been trying to think of something to say for two hours and I messed this one up too.

Attempt 3:

To whom it may concern,

Nope. NOPE. Fuck that.

Attempt 4:

Dear Edward,

It has only been a week since you last came over, so I thought I'd write to you, if that's okay.

What's been hurting me the most about what's happened is that I don't understand why. I've always worried that our friendship has been one-sided, that you've been more of a friend to me than I have to you. For that, I am so so sorry. Please know that whatever I did wrong, I'm sorry for it. I can be a better friend. Or if I was too clingy or too obvious with how I felt for you, I can ease off and give you space and we can still be friends. Just please—

Attempt 5:

Dear Edward,

I've decided that I'm going to university in September and I wanted to write to you, to get my feelings in order before I go.

I've thought about it a lot, questioning what I did to warrant such treatment from you. But you know what? You really hurt me. I'm not going to apologize after that. You really fucking hurt me. I know it gives away how desperate I am to tell you this, but you are one of the most important people in my life, up there with my parents, and way past my siblings who never gave a shit about me. None of them could ever hurt me in the way you did. So thanks for ripping my heart out of my chest, you dick. You might have your secret reasons, because after thinking about it, the ones you gave me sound like complete bullshit, but that doesn't help ease the pain you caused me. So thanks, you ass—

Attempt 6:

Dear Edward,

I've thought long and hard before writing this letter and think I've finally figured out what I want to say. So, here I go.

I am going to university in September. It's only in Washington. I'm not even leaving the state. I bring this up, in case you ever want to visit. Is that presumptuous of me? Probably? But hear me out, okay.

Edward. I've never been brave enough to say it out loud, so I'm saying it on paper.

I love you.

I've loved you for a really long time. You're completely out of my league in every single way, but that hasn't stopped me. Sorry. The fact that you hurt me by deciding to cut off our friendship doesn't change my feelings.

This might be a bit of a random tangent, but when I was little, there was this book that my Dad used to read to me and my sister. It's about this baby bear and a mama bear, where the baby bear breaks his mom's favourite china honey bowl, and before he confesses his crime, asks if she'll still love him even if he does terrible things. The mama bear patiently tells the baby bear that she'll always love him, but he has to deal with the consequences whenever he does something wrong. It's a happy ending of course. The mama bear isn't too mad and the baby bear makes his mom a new honey bowl and it's all very sweet. I don't know why, but I couldn't stop thinking about this story for the past few days. Obviously, there are issues in comparing us to this story— we're not bears, you're not my mother, and this is way less serious than honey bowls.

My point, Edward, is that I will always love you. As a friend, as something more. In the way that I did before you broke the figurative honey bowl, and now, after. You really hurt me and our friendship, but I'm going to be stubborn and tell you that the relationship is still there, if you ever want to reach out and try to fix it.

But I've also decided that I'm not going to chase after you. This letter is me reaching out a hand. What I want to be clear about is that this is in no way me trying to pressure you into returning my feelings. I was happy to be your friend even with my feelings, and I'll be happy to be your friend again someday, if only you' meet me halfway.

So, this was a long way of me asking you to reach out someday, Edward. It doesn't matter how long it takes. I'm going to maintain hope that we'll meet again, and that we can get better.

And if you don't want to, that it's okay. That you can know that I'm out there somewhere and I'll always love you.

Yours,

Alia