All of the countries were sitting in their conference room, waiting for the last two to arrive: America and Iran. Both were way later than they should have been. Suddenly America came bursting through the door covered in raggedy clothes and blood. He stumbled to his chair and sat down like nothing happened. "So, what did I miss?"

The countries all started back in silence. "What did you miss!?" Germany questioned. "What did we miss?!

America laughed nervously. "Oh, nothing really. I just maybe started WWIII."

A chorus of "What!"s filled the room.

"So Iran killed my ambassador, so maybe slightly killed their second in command. Can I get someone to remind everyone else that I have nukes? Japan, you're good at that, right?"

"You can't just go around killing major politicians, you're already the scariest country," Canada said.

America looked at him. "blackface communist says what?"

"What?"

America laughed at his own joke, and nobody else. "Oh, come on guys, did you not hear the part where I said Iran attacked me first? How else was I supposed to respond?" An eye for a heart is what we say back where I'm from"

"No it's not," Britain hissed. He was clearly terrified of the thought of another world war. Italy seemed to be too.

"Germany! Not another war! We barely won the last one!" the pasta-loving country cried.

"We didn't win the last one," Japan corrected.

"THAT'S EVEN WORSE!"

Germany tried to calm his friend down as much as possible. "America is just exaggerating again. This won't be a world war, all he did was kill one guy."

Austria glared at Germany. "Oh, really? Haven't you ever heard of Archduke Ferdinand?"

Russia suddenly stood up. He made dead eye contact with America. "Should I get the nukes ready?"

"Almost, buddy, almost," America said.

"No, not almost!" Britain scolded. "A nuclear war could wipe out the entire human race! We aren't going to do this America! Just make bloody peace with the middle east for Pete's sake!"

Israel and Palestine glare at each other.

Italy gulped in fear. "I surrender! Germany, save me!"

France nodded. "I surrender too, but you'd better keep your ugly pretzels away from my baguettes."

"Nobody is surrendering! We aren't at war! Stop picking sides" Britain yelled, "that's why we started the…"

Germany glared at him. "The what?"

"... the EU" Britain swallowed his pride.

"Too late," America said. "I'm already getting my draft ready. Now with all of this equality, we'll get double the soldiers by drafting women too. Isn't that great?"

"Well, gender equality is a pretty good thing…" Canada mumbled.

"See, this guy gets it!" America said happily. He wrapped a bloody arm around the country, making him noticeably uncomfortable. "Canada, when the next World War starts, you're with me, kay?" America leaned in close to his neighboring country. "But don't invite Mexico. He can help if he wants but we've kinda been building a wall recently, ya know. Oh, and Germany, I'm gonna give Israel nukes. You fine with that?"

"What? Ja! I mean nein, I mean… don't gives nukes to anyone!"

"Why shouldn't we get nukes?" Israel questioned.

Soon enough, everyone starts arguing with one another until the door slowly opens. Everyone looked to see who it was, then all fell completely silent.

Iran wobbles in with a cane holding him up and a hand over the stab wound near his heart. He limped to his chair, sat down, and gives a death glare to America.

"Hey Iran, long time no see, did you lose weight? You must have done something with your hair," America awkwardly said after a few moments, trying to break the tension.

The entire room looked back and forth between the two countries. Iran cleared his throat. "Allah will get his revenge. We will stop the oil trade with the western world"

"Western World? What's that mean?" America asked.

"That's us," Canada said.

"Oh...Russia, now!"

To be continued