Author's Notes: Ranma 1/2. Dungeons & Dragons. These are two of my oldest interests, and being aware of a well-written but sadly abandoned "Ranma in Planescape" fic here on FFN, which is held in my favorites, I felt that it was fair game for me to try my own stab at crossing over my favorite media, since I am now trying to get back into the fic-writing game.

Chapter 1: Fateful First Step! Lost in the City of Doors!

In hindsight, they would agree on just how unlikely it was. Just how implausible the precise combination of events needed to come together in just that specific manner had been. If Ukyo had been skipping class for whatever reason, or if Shampoo hadn't been near enough to Furinkan that she decided it was worth sneaking onto the grounds to visit Ranma, things probably wouldn't have happened the way they did.

But at the time, they had no idea of the strange fate that they were about to pursue...

"Are you crazy, Nabiki?!" Ranma thundered at the top of his lungs.

These past day or so had been... Ranma couldn't even decide. Confusing? Annoying? Topsy-turvy? First, Akane had decided to call off the engagement, and all over some stupid little things that hadn't even been his fault! Secondly, she and Nabiki had just up and decided out of nowhere that he was going to marry Nabiki instead.

That would have been hard enough to wrap his head around, but she had just kept blindsiding him. Earlier that morning, she'd been all over him, acting more affectionate and sweet-hearted than he'd ever seen her before... it was like somebody had rolled Shampoo and Ukyo and maybe even a little of Kodachi all into one and then shoved them into a Nabiki suit!

Earlier, she'd pressed him about whether or not he minded that she was older than he was, causing Ranma to blurt out that he didn't care about stupid stuff like that. And then, just now, he'd caught her selling off pictures of his girl-form to the hornball losers here at Furinkan!

It's not that Ranma really cared so much about Akane breaking off the engagement... well, okay, truth be told, it actually bugged him a lot more than he'd ever admit to himself, never mind to anyone else, but the hypocrisy of Akane treating him like the bad guy responsible for this whole mess was something of an anaesthetic for the distress.

And whilst he might not be a raging lech like Kuno, he wasn't made of stone either - only an idiot would fail to notice that Nabiki was actually pretty attractive. But that didn't mean he'd fallen off the turnip truck, either! He had no intention of letting any girl pull the "bat my eyelashes and jerk a boy around" routine on him!

"But they've been selling so well!" Nabiki protested 'innocently', as if that really justified what she'd been doing.

Ranma sucked in a deep breath, about ready to let Nabiki know exactly what he thought of that little argument, when he was distracted by a sudden clamour coming from behind him.

Looking over his shoulder, his eyes widened in surprise as he saw a crowd of dozens of Furinkan students, both boys and girls, jogging eagerly over to where he was confronting his erstwhile fiancée.

Nabiki simply smiled and waved at the approaching mob. "Over here! Form a line on the right!"

Ranma stared dumbfounded as the newcomers began shoving and pushing each other around, simultaneously trying to do what Nabiki had said and fighting to be first in line... well, in so far as the other Furinkan students actually 'fought'. Ranma had a rather different definition of the term to them. Just what the hell was going on here?

"Ranma-honey!"

Ranma blinked as a familiar voice reached his ears. "Ucchan?" he asked instinctively, twisting around to catch sight of his crossdressing fiancée as she bounded over to meet him.

"I've been looking for you everywhere, Ranchan!" she said, gaze fixed fast on him. "What's this-"

"Nihao, Airen!"

This time, both Ukyo and Nabiki joined Ranma in starting as Shampoo suddenly came zipping across the ground on her bicycle. It was a rare thing indeed when the Joketsuzoku strayed onto Furinkan High; for whatever reason, she seemed to view the school as "off limits" and instead focused on trying to run into Ranma in the streets or at the Tendo Dojo. Oblivious, or at least indifferent, to the confusion and simmering hostility she was being greeted with, Shampoo pulled her bike to a halt right in front of Ranma and Nabiki.

"Is too-too good to see Airen today!" she chirped, beaming happily at the reluctant focus of her affections. Then she seemed to take in the tableau she'd pulled up in front of, blinking in visible confusion as she looked over the three teens. "Um... what you doing?" she asked.

Ukyo shook her head, turning away from her rival to instead thrust an accusatory index finger at Ranma and Nabiki. "As I was saying; what's this I hear about you breaking up with Akane-"

"Is true?! Oh, such happy news!" Shampoo squealed in her excitement, clapping her hands together and actually bouncing on the spot in jubilation. She remained, as always, indifferent to the appreciative leers from the male audience watching her bobbing up and down, a sight that made a strange tick of irritation prickle across Ranma's skin.

"And getting engaged to Nabiki?!" Ukyo continued, doing her best to ignore Shampoo's interruptions.

"Wait, what?!" Shampoo blurted, eyes going so wide with shock that Ranma almost thought they were going to pop out of her head. "No, is not true, Airen? Why you want be with girl like Nabiki when you could be with Shampoo?" she asked in genuine confusion, complete with a catlike tilt of her head.

"And what's wrong with a girl like me?" Nabiki asked acidly, just the faintest hint of wounded pride adding an icy sharpness to her otherwise softly questioning words.

"I - It's not! That is!" Ranma stumbled over his words, privately cursing to himself; why was it that he could be so slick when he wanted to trick opponents, but when he needed that same clever tongue to get out of being pummeled by angry fiancées, he babbled like Ryoga?!

"Hey, you line-cutters! If you want to rent Ranma, fine, but wait your turn!" called out one of the students who were watching this little impromptu show with less than patient grace.

"Rent?" Ukyo repeated flatly, looking at the speaker inquisitively.

"Yeah - didn't you see the flyers? Since Nabiki's Ranma's new fiancée, that means she gets to control where he spends his time. So she's selling him off to anyone who can afford him, for whatever they want to do with him."

"She's what?!" Ukyo gasped in horror, brain frozen at the concept.

"You're what?!" Ranma roared, whirling on Nabiki as she put on a distinctly nervous grin and tried to make placating gestures with her hands... only for Ranma to then flinch away instinctively as he suddenly felt an outpouring of battle aura, hotter and fiercer than anything he'd felt in a good while!

"Nabiki... selling... airen?" Shampoo asked, her voice distant and eyes seeming to stare not into Nabiki, but through her. All three other members of the Ranma Saotome love dodecahedron watched in concern as her face subtly shifted, muscles twitching as Shampoo's usual cheery expression slowly warped into something darker, something burning with hatred. "Like slave?!" she snarled, making Ranma's hair stand on end; he'd heard Shampoo be mad before, but this? This was on a whole new level.

"I wouldn't put it like that..." Nabiki weakly attempted to defend herself.

"Nabiki..." Shampoo sighed softly, closing her eyes... only for them to snap open, almost literally glowing in fury! "You I KILL!" the Joketsuzoku warrior screamed, face contorted into a veritable hannya war-mask of fury.

Nabiki was not a fighter. She at most knew how to exercise to keep herself fit. But her father had taught her the basics, long ago, and some instincts never quite went away... especially when they had the adrenaline rush of certain death giving them an emergency power boost. So it was that, miraculously, she managed to jump out of the way with a scream of fright as Shampoo's sword suddenly cleaved the air where she had been standing!

Unfortunately, that left the middle Tendo daughter sprawled on the ground, crying out as Shampoo's sword suddenly scythed down towards her neck like a razor-edged meteor... only to be intercepted at the last moment by Ukyo's trademark battle spatula, the clash of steel on steel echoing across Furinkan.

"Shampoo, have you gone nuts?!" Ukyo yelled, visibly straining to hold Shampoo back... and not doing as well as she'd hoped she would. Her arms wobbled with the strain of holding back the blade, and she could feel herself actually sinking an inch into the ground as the enraged Chinese Amazon bore down on her.

"Wo xi ni! Wo xi ni!" Shampoo screamed, completely ignoring Ukyo and focusing all of her hateful attention on Nabiki.

"Time to go!"

There was a blur of motion, the world spun around Nabiki like she'd just slipped on a bar of soap, and then the wind was slamming into her face as Ranma cradled her in a bridal carry and fled the scene as fast as his legs could carry him. Without even thinking about it, Nabiki curled in tight against her savior's chest, trying to keep her heart from beating its way out of her chest. What the fuck had just happened?!

"Wo xi ni!" Shampoo screamed, disengaging her sword-lock with Ukyo's unorthodox weapon and sprinting after them.

"Dammit, you crazy Amazon, stop!" Ukyo cried out in frustration, giving chase as fast as she could. "Nabiki's a jerk, but you don't have to kill her!"

Nabiki had always known, abstractly, that Ranma and the other crazy martial artists that orbited him were capable of moving with considerable speed when properly motivated. But she'd never expected to have a front row seat!

The wind tore through her hair, short as it was, and stung her eyes as Ranma ripped across the school grounds at what she thought was the fastest that he'd ever run. It kind of felt like what she thought driving a racecar might be like, and from some unexplored depth a pang of sympathy for Akane welled up if this was the kind of thing she underwent on a regular basis for her engagement.

That feeling promptly popped like a soap bubble when Nabiki snuck a look around Ranma's shoulders and realized that the crazy Amazon psycho-bitch was gaining on them!

"Faster, Ranma!" she cried out, fear easily trumping pride when the stakes - aka, her life - were so high.

"Fuck! What the hell set you off, Shampoo?!" Ranma swore, digging deep down to redouble his efforts.

Around and around the quartet went, weaving through the trees, leaping over benches, dodging startled students. There as no direction, no conscious plan, just the chase. In fact, so distracted were the quartet with their flight that they failed to notice as they approached two ancient trees, their branches weaving together into the outline of a door.

They didn't even notice the way that the space between the linked wood suddenly filled with shimmering, smog-like gray-black flames - not until they plunged right into them!

And then... they were gone. As if they had never been.

Ranma screwed his eyes tightly shut as the world suddenly spun and whirled around him, colors bleaching into a strange, washed out mist that nevertheless made his head spin. The last time he'd felt like this was when he'd been forced to eat all of those cookies of Akane's.

Even as he thought that, the sensation vanished as swiftly as it had arrived, causing him to cautiously open his eyes, wondering why - ohfuckwall!

Instinctively, Ranma curled and twisted to take the brunt of the impact whilst cushioning the girl in his arms; whatever anger he felt towards Nabiki, and he would be lying to say there wasn't still some resentment from before everything went crazy, he couldn't let her be hurt. It went against his (admittedly somewhat shaky) moral code.

So instead he ran face first into the wall, his head swimming as the sound of cracking brick and splintering wood filled his ears. Staggering backwards, Ranma flopped gracelessly onto the ground, landing flat on his back - but with Nabiki still held tight in his arms, miraculously unharmed.

Dimly, Ranma was aware of two more spectacular crashing impacts, but was far too caught up in trying to deal with the sudden frontal impact to care. He had been moving at proverbially mach speed, and that had been a far more sudden stop than he would have prefered...

So it took a good five minutes before, with a chorus of groans, four teenagers slowly lifted themselves from the ground.

Nabiki was the first to do so, directing an inscrutable look at her savior. "I... you saved me, Ranma?"

"What else was I s'posed to do?" Ranma replied dizzily, screwing his eyes shut as he willed the kanazuchibō in residence behind his skull to drop dead already.

"...Thanks, Ranma," Nabiki finally admitted humbly, not used to expressed gratitude.

"Nabiki! You I kill!"

Hearing that wrathful feminine screech from just behind her froze Nabiki in place on the spot, locked in the classic "deer in the headlights" pose. Ranma, fortunately for them both, was more used to thinking on his feet, and he shouted out the first thing that came to mind that seemed like it might help:

"Shampoo, if you hurt Nabiki, I'll never forgive you!"

The sword-wielding Chinese Amazon visibly recoiled at Ranma's words, sword falling down to rest against the ground. "Airen..." she warbled mournfully, looking on the verge of tears...

Which was when Ukyo popped up behind her and pounded her into the ground hard enough to leave an inches-deep crater in a rough Shampoo outline. "And stay down! Crazy Chinese kook!" Ranma's crossdressing fiancée spat, before she threw a tired grin at Ranma. "You okay, Ranma-honey? Oh, and I suppose Nabiki, too?"

"Yeah... thanks, Ukyo," Ranma replied sincerely.

"I'm fine, thanks to you two," Nabiki conceded, her relief at still being intact and amongst the living outweighing any resentment over Ukyo's attitude.

"That hurt, spatula-girl," Shampoo grumbled. "Why you do that?"

"Are you nuts? Seriously, Shampoo, what the hell? Why would you go after Nabiki like that?!" the incredulous bifauxnen asked.

"She selling Ranma as slave!" Shampoo protested indignantly from her undignified position. "Fighting slavers is sacred duty of Chinese Amazons!" she added, bristling with righteous indignation.

"...I really don't think that's what she meant to do, Shampoo," Ranma cautiously interjected. On the one hand, it was... actually a little nice that somebody had wanted to stick up for him. On the other hand, that had been way too over-the-top a way to do so!

"Yeah, I was just going to rent him out to the various clubs at Furinkan High for a few hours. Maybe auction off some dates, if any girls could pay the price," Nabiki added.

"Really not helping your case there, Nabiki," Ukyo dryly noted, before she turned her attention back to Shampoo. "Anyway, pulling out that sword was still overreacting! I mean, yeah, it would have been fine to beat her black and blue, but killing her? That's going too far!"

"Gee, thanks, Ukyo," Nabiki drawled sarcastically.

Ignoring her, Ukyo continued, "Now, are you gonna calm down and act reasonable? Or do you need to stay down there in the...dirt?"

Ukyo's audible surprise and the way she trailed off uncertainly made all three of the other teens immediately respond with first curiosity, and then wariness. Especially when Ukyo didn't even wait for Shampoo's reply before removing her oversized spatula from the downed Chinese girl's back, looking all around them.

"...Guys? I don't think we're on Furinkan's grounds any more..."

Those fateful words finally brought their surroundings to their attention, no longer caught up in their original drama. Sure enough, as Ukyo had said, they weren't on school grounds anymore; the blue skies, green grass and abundant trees of Furinkan High had been replaced by the confines of a squalid alley, rough cobblestones interspersed with mud stretching across a narrow gap between at least two tumble-down buildings made of cracking brick and rotting wood, imprints in the nearby wall showing where the quartet had made their recent stop.

They could barely see the sky above, as the ramshackle buildings leaning together to cast the place into darkness, but they could make out a thick, greasy fog swirling through the air around them.

And that was when the Smell hit them like a jackhammer to the face. Yes, it fully deserved the capital S.

Nabiki squealed in dismay, clapping her hands over her face in a futile attempt to filter out the noxious odor. It reminded her of a cocktail of a dumpster full of rotting food, mixed with stagnant water and primal memories of the days when Akane had yet to master the art of toilet training. "Oh, kami, what is that stink!?" she wailed.

"Too-too nasty!" Shampoo cried out.

"We definitely aren't in Furinkan... hell, I don't think we're in Nerima!" Ranma concluded. Having spent his life on the road, Ranma had camped in more noisome alleys and stormwater outlets and other smelly, dirty, out-of-the-way parts of the city than he ever intended to admit. But even by his experience, this place stunk. "How'd we get here?" he asked.

"More to the point... how do we get back?" Ukyo pointed out, drawing shocked expressions from all thee and gasps of alarm as they realized what she had just said.

The quartet of teens frantically looked around, but they saw nothing useful; just dirt and grime and scattered rubbish. So, of course, they fell back into old habits.

"This your fault, Nabiki!" Shampoo snapped, glaring at the middle Tendo daughter.

"My fault?!" Nabiki retorted, her incredulity actually overpowering her normal and carefully cultivated attitude of blitheness. "You were the one chasing us everywhere with a sword! If anything, this is your fault!"

"What you say?!" Shampoo snarled, hands clenching into fists.

"Enough!"

All three girls started, their heads whipping around to look at Ranma, who was standing in the middle of the alley with his arms folded and his face set firmly.

"Panicking an' arguing ain't gonna help us! Fact is, we don't know how we got here, or where 'here' even is. We gotta pull together and take this calmly so we can figure it out. Okay?"

"That may be the most sensible thing I've ever heard you say, Saotome," Nabiki noted, almost sincerely marveling as she did so.

"I get plenty of bright ideas! ...Nobody ever wants to listen to me, that's all," Ranma scoffed with a bit of a put upon air. "So, like I said; we need to pull together! So let's stop fighting with each other and work on getting back home - we can go back to killing each other there, okay?"

"Sounds close enough to a plan to me," Nabiki added. "But can we trust these two to go along with it?"

"Hey, I was trying to save you!" Ukyo indignantly pointed out. "But yeah, Ranchan, that sounds good. I'm all for pulling a truce until we can get back home."

"Shampoo agree."

"Aw, ain't that cute? The Clueless berks 're all made up! Now let's see if they've got enough in their bone-boxes to rattle, or will we need to tickle 'em wiv our chivs to get 'em to cough up all their jink!"

The four teenagers blinked as that alien voice reached them. As one, they turned towards the far end of the alley, where three figures skulked forth from the gloom. They looked like nothing that even Ranma had seen before; the garb was weird enough, a mixture of filthy rags and tattered clothes in a mishmash of unfamiliar styles, but their appearance was another thing entirely! Each was crimson-skinned, with burning eyes, curling horns rising from their skulls, and fleshy tails flicking behind them. Each was also armed; a club, a handaxe, and a dagger for the one who had spoken first, and was seemingly the leader. Nothing intimidating for three quarters of the Nerima-based teens, but the alien forms of their wielders had them all stunned into silence.

Emboldened by this apparent fear, the strange, twisted trio slunk closer, mice bearding a band of cats. The dagger-wielding leader leered through broken, blackened teeth, a forked tongue flickering as he chortled, "Ooh, we gots some pretty ones here... how's about it, girly? Wanna have a dance with old Mumpty Peg?"

And that was when he made his big mistake. He reached out with his dagger, attempting to bring the point to rest against Shampoo's throat. Instead, her hand shot out like a striking snake, wrapping around the monstrous mugger's wrist and bringing his approach to a dead halt. The strange thief, still not realizing how much danger he was in, simply scowled, "Lemme go, ya leatherheaded-!"

The *crack* of bone breaking made Nabiki wince, whilst even Ranma and Ukyo shifted a little uncomfortably. Shampoo's would-be mugger screamed in a mixture of pain, fear and rage, before she laid him out cold with a lightning-fast jab to the face. Down the former assailant went, black blood streaming from a squashed nose, with Shampoo surging past him before he'd even hit the ground. The remaining muggers didn't even have time to raise their weapons before Shampoo fell on them like a tidal wave, slamming them into the ground with brutal efficiency.

If any of her fellows had blinked, they would have missed the whole show.

"...Huh. For demons, they weak," Shampoo noted conversationally, idly tapping one fallen mugger's head with the tip of her shoe.

"Are you sure they are demons?" Ranma asked. "I mean, I have fought a couple of monsters in the past, and none of them went down so easy..."

"Well, what else could they be? They even look like those American cartoon versions of demons," Ukyo pointed out.

"I don't know about you girls, but I never really expected the demon realms to resemble a foggy alley reeking of urine, trash and dead things," Nabiki interjected.

"Focus, girls. We're obviously not alone here. So, we can either stand around here and wait for more of these... whatever they are... to come after us, or we can try and get out of here," Ranma said.

"Ranma right. Shampoo follow you, Airen," the Joketsuzoku chirped, zipping back over to the side of her reluctantly betrothed and linking her arm with his.

"Hey! Paws off, China girl!" Ukyo snapped, rushing to claim the other side in what had to be ingrained instinct by now.

"Can we not do this?!" Nabiki pleaded, an inkling as to why Akane hated this now seeping into her brain. "This is the absolute worst possible time for you two to start this up again!"

Both of Ranma's other fiancées fixed a steely gaze on Nabiki, who had to call on all her emotional control to return their gaze with a cool, neutral, collected expression, given that she had just had such a firsthand taste of how dangerously volatile they could be. Though she would never admit it, Ranma's sudden interjection of "Nabiki's right," was a huge relief to her.

Neither Shampoo nor Ukyo looked particularly happy. But even they had to admit that there was sense in what Nabiki had said, and besides that, neither wanted to hurt their standing with Ranma in that way.

So Shampoo reluctantly untwined her arm from Ranma's, whereupon the four cautiously walked past the groaning heaps that had been their muggers and followed the alley to its entrance.

With almost perfect dramatic sensibilities, the fog surrounding them drew back to reveal their surroundings in all their... splendor.

Crumbling buildings made of cracking bricks and rotting wood loomed oppressively all around them, seemingly held together more by a strange black ivy-like creeper that crawled over their surfaces than by any effort of builders or designers.

Running between them were... well, calling them "streets" was, if anything, flattering them; strips of beaten earth, riddled with potholes and ruts, strewn with puddles of stagnant and filthsome water. Bodily waste, dead animals and garbage were strewn everywhere and throughout it all wandered dozens of rag-clad, filthy, downtrodden forms, who lumbered, staggered and aimlessly drifted in all directions. Some sat down in the street, or huddled around crude fires full of burning garbage.

Most just seemed to be roaming for the sake of it, as if they had nothing else to do but walk until they dropped. Weirdly, whilst some were the same horned 'demons' that they had just met, there were dozens of other different creatures - some even looked like humans, albeit the most dirty, wretched and unwholesome specimens imaginable.

"...I have been to some nasty parts of town in my life," Ranma admitted, stunned into speech by what he was seeing. "But I have never seen anywhere as bad as this."

"Reminds me of reading Charles Dickens in Junior High," Nabiki added, taking in the sight with visible appall on her face. "Only worse, somehow," she amended herself.

Shampoo was looking around with the most disgusted expression anyone had ever seen her bearing. But Ukyo was not... instead, she was staring at some of the figures intensely, her brow furrowed in thought. "...Orcs?" she murmured to herself.

Not quietly enough to escape Ranma's notice. "What was that, Ukyo?"

She started, and then shook her head. "I... no, forget it, Ranchan. It's silly."

"What's silly? Come on, Ucchan, tell me," he asked her, the earnest tone in his voice whittling away her resolve like a blowtorch on an icicle.

The crossdressing chef visibly struggled, then shrugged her shoulders and sighed. "Do you see those people over there?" she asked, pointing to a small cluster of rag-clad, muscular figures with gray skin, heavy-boned faces and protruding tusks.

"I think those are orcs," she explained.

"And orcs are...?" Nabiki drawled, trying to coax Ukyo into giving an actual explanation.

Ukyo wrinkled her nose, clearly trying to think of the best way to put it. Finally, she just spat it out, "Back in my last school, I joined up with one of the nerdier clubs to get out being roped into the sports clubs - y'know, the whole 'pretending to be a guy' thing? They were a tabletop gaming club, and one of the big things they were always doing was playing this game from America - Dungeons and Dragons? It's all about exploring crazy worlds full of magic and monsters."

The others just listened to Ukyo, not wanting to interrupt and a touch surprised and impressed at this hidden font of now-useful knowledge.

"Now, I don't know what's going on, or how it's possible, but those guys? I swear, they look like orcs - a sort of monster race from the game. And those little things over there? Goblins. And I swear that's a bullywug," she finished, pointing at a leprous toad-man squatting in one particularly noxious puddle of filth whilst glowering at all and sundry with resigned hatred.

"Interesting... do you think that maybe you can use that?" Nabiki asked, looking at Ukyo with an appraising look.

"I don't... think so? I mean, I was never that into the game, and it was some time ago, so I don't remember all that much," the crossdresser confessed, shrugging her shoulders haplessly.

"Besides, that was just a game; this is reality," she pointed out.

"Fair enough," Nabiki conceded. Damn, and there she'd been thinking Ukyo might actually be useful... ignoring the way that she had technically saved Nabiki's life earlier. "Wait... then could it be possible that this isn't the whole city? Maybe we're just in the bad part of town? ...The really, really bad part of town," she amended herself, lip curling in disgust as one bystander suddenly yanked down their trousers, squatted down and began to defecate in the middle of the street, earning half-heartedly shouted abuse from some of the others passing by.

"Maybe? I mean, we gotta have hope, right?" Ukyo responded, looking away from the disgusting display.

"Well, we're not gonna find out if we just keep standing here. C'mon, girls, let's go," Ranma said, making a 'follow me' gesture as he walked towards a random street. The group didn't know where it lead, but it had to be better than here.

Several hours later...

"I-I can't go on! I need to rest!" Nabiki puffed.

"Again?" Ukyo asked rhetorically, heaving an exasperated sigh.

"Some of us aren't martial arts monsters who consider jogging a hundred miles before breakfast to be light exercise!" Nabiki huffed, too fed up to keep control over her temper but too tired to really put any bite in her retort. The fact she was leaning against Ranma for support, with her reluctant fiancé stoically allowing her to do so, wasn't helping her mood much.

"We been walking long time... how big this city?" Shampoo wondered aloud, eyes wandering the area they'd stopped in.

"Don't know... it's not helping that there's no real signs or anything to help us find out way. And everybody here seems to be either crazy or a jerk," Ranma grumbled, glaring half-heartedly at some of the others on the street.

Tentative requests for assistance had led to nothing but insults and slurs, aside from the occasional obvious crook who clearly wanted to lead them into trouble or that one lunatic who had suddenly leapt at them, howling like a dog and trying to bite them... right up until Ranma had slammed his face into the ground and left him in an unconscious stupor.

"It's getting darker, too. Must be evening," Ukyo noted, her eyes barely managing to make out the sky through the fog and smog.

"Great. As if the fog and the twisty-turny streets and all the rest of it wasn't bad enough! What else could go wrong?" Ranma lamented dramatically. Nabiki was about to chew him out for taunting murphy when shouts interrupted them.

"I'm warning you, stay back!"

"Pike it, Clueless berk! Cough up the jink, or we'll stick ya inna dead-book!"

All four teens looked over at the source of the voices, which were coming from a nearby alley. Immediately, Ranma shot off, with the girls close behind; Ukyo and Shampoo eager to impress their ever-reluctant mate, Nabiki anxious not to be left alone in these dirty, dangerous streets.

Another band of thugs greeted their eyes, about eight of them this time, surrounding a figure who had been backed up against the wall. This unfortunate was clad in much nicer clothing than anything that the quartet had seen so far - not only was it clean and intact, it actually looked like it had some kind of style, giving them hope to the idea that there were nicer parts of this freaky city. The victim had their - his - hands up in a warding gesture, whilst one of the thugs advanced on him with a dagger.

"Gonna peel off yer skin and make a cape from it!" he slavered...

Which was when Ranma descended from on-high like a thunderbolt, Goomba-stomping that feckless mugger to the ground and leaving him unconscious. "Okay, now that was just wrong," he grizzled. Before the gobsmacked thugs could even process what they were seeing, Ranma's hands shot out like bullets, knocking two more of them flying, unconscious before they even hit the ground. The five remaining fared no better as Shampoo and Ukyo piled in, leaving them scattered in heaps like the rubbish they so resembled.

Smirking to himself, Ranma stepped off his first victim, making a show of dusting off his hands. "Well, that was easy."

"Me will smash your face!"

On pure instinct, Ranma's hands shot up and caught the weapon flying towards his skull in a downward arc. He almost didn't manage to hold it back, the blow landing with far greater strength than the startled martial artist had anticipated - the dried clay underfoot spiderwebbed with cracks from the impact as it rolled through Ranma's body and down into the ground beneath him.

Grunting, Ranma twisted around, looking up to see what had almost hit him - an enormous bone, as thick around as he was, almost like something out of an American cartoon - and its wielder. "Wow. You're a big boy, aren'tcha?" Ranma observed, taking in his assailant; as tall and beefy as the Dojo Destroyer he had battled during that little incident with the Instant Nanniichuan, but with a craggy face and snaggletoothed grimace.

"Rrrrargh! Stupid little man! Let go Umlok's club!" the brute snarled, yanking on the bone and pulling it from Ranma's grasp. The girls quickly fell back, giving Ranma room to move as the man-beast swung his osseous cudgel in powerful but clumsy blows.

Ranma almost pitied the dumb bruiser. Akane would have laughed at this beast's lack of control and overextended swings. But still, the impact had rattled his bones enough that he knew he did not want to take a hit from the creature if he could avoid it!

Instead, when it made its next vertical downwards swing, Ranma ducked inside of its arc, letting the oversized bone pound a new crater into the muddy street. Using some of his more basic martial arts techniques, he grabbed the oversized humanoid whilst it was vulnerable and turned its own weight against it, sending it flying through the air to land with a muddy splash in the street.

The brute-man roared and thrashed its limbs, reminding those present of an oversized baby throwing a tantrum before it sat up. "No fair! Little man cheat! Umlock will - wha? No!"

Dumbfounded, the four teens watched as the oversized figure visibly sank into the earth, sharply and steadily sinking downwards like a boulder thrown into quicksand. It roared and flailed desperately, bellows of rage giving way to deepest fear. Before any of them could even think to step in and help... it was too late. The last thing they saw were a pair of ham-sized hands grasping desperately at the sky above before they vanished with a sickening wet gurgle into the bottom of a filthy mud puddle that they would have sworn was far too small to fit one of them, never mind a creature so big as that!

"...What the fuck was that?!" Ranma blurted out, unable to tear his eyes away. He'd just been intending to knock the bruiser around a little - not kill him!

"An ooze portal. You just sent that ogre on a one-way ticket to the Abyss. Good riddance," came a voice from behind them.

The four teens turned to see the man they had just saved walking up to them, allowing them to finally get a better look at him. As they had spotted beforehand, his clothing was of a far finer make than anything they'd seen in this noxious slum, tailored to fit him well.

He was a handsome seeming man, older than the teens but still youthful, with a strangely ageless cast to his features. He also had skin of an inky blue, darkening to black in the right light, contrasting snowy white hair that he wore in an almost Mousse-like set of flowing locks, framing both eyes that were a single undifferentiated mass of rose-pink as well as elongated, pointy-tipped, leaf-like ears.

Ranma, however, was still more focused on what he had just seen than on the fact that the subject of his random good-deed was clearly not human; that had stopped being surprising several hours ago. "I'm sorry, but, again; what the fuck?!"

"Ooze portals," the stranger repeated matter of factly, pointing at the puddle - which still looked for all the world like any ordinary stagnant mud puddle. "A natural hazard here in the Hive Ward. They're randomly forming, one-way portals to parts of the Abyss associated with slime and decay - usually Shedaklah or Molor, but I've heard they can also lead to places like Slugbed or the Barrens."

"...And I'm guessing that none of those places are very nice places to be?" Nabiki tentatively responded, now very aware of where any puddles were around her.

"No. No, they are not," the dark-skinned stranger said, giving them a wave of his hand clearly meant to be reassuring. "But, anyway, I am grateful to you for your assistance."

"That's what martial artists do; we help those in need," Ranma replied automatically, visibly trying to shrug off what he had just been told about that creature - that ogre's? - fate.

"I see... and why is your friend staring at me?" the non-Neriman asked cautiously.

Ranma blinked in surprise, before turning to see that Ukyo was studying their new acquaintance intensely. "Ucchan?" he asked.

Amazingly, Ukyo ignored him. "Those ears... sir? I'm sorry, but... might you be... I mean, are you... an elf?"

"Why would you ask him that?" Ranma blurted out incredulously.

"Well, in the game, elves were one of the good races. They were peaceful, loving, gentle and wise... they were also powerful wizards, with a natural affinity for magic. That means he might be able to get us home!" Ukyo explained rapidly.

This information distracted the other three teens, soft exclamations of surprise, hope and relief filling the air. Unnoticed by any of them, the 'elf' was watching, his expression shifting from shocked incredulity, through anger, onto contemplation, and finally past amusement before he carefully schooled his features to be neutral. "Yes, I am an... elf. But... 'get us home'? You did not come to Sigil voluntarily?" he asked.

"Sigil?" Nabiki repeated, filing that away in her mental book of 'useful things to know'... right under 'the mud puddles here can eat you'.

"You can say that again," Ranma scoffed. "One moment we were on the school grounds... the next, we were here. Wherever 'here' is."

"Fascinating... I suspected you to be Primes, but Keyless too?" the elf stroked his chin. "But this is no place to talk, and I do owe you a favor. My name is Baeloth Ryltar - what might your names be?"

"Oh! Sorry, I'm Saotome Ranma."

"Tendo Nabiki."

"Kuonji Ukyo."

"Shampoo."

Baeloth nodded gently. "A pleasure. Follow me; we shall adjourn to my home in the Clerk's Ward and give the laugh to the Hive," he stated, before authoritatively striding out of the alley.

Without a word, the four teenagers quickly fell into step behind him, anxious to be metaphorically one step closer to home and literally one step away from this stinking slum.

"So, how far is this Clerk's Ward from here?" Nabiki asked.

"By foot? It would take us hours to get there... fortunately, I know of a skip-gate that isn't too far, and comes out close to my home too," Baeloth replied.

"Skip-gate?" the middle Tendo daughter repeated, but there was no reply.

Within about ten minutes, the dark-skinned elf had led them to a nameless hole-in-the-wall style inn, with the sounds of a vicious bar brawl rattling out from the gloomy interior. Instead of going inside, however, Baeloth led them around it, to an alley that ran behind the inn, littered with smashed and decaying barrels. Once there, he turned back to his followers. "Now, this will be confusing, and I promise to explain it later, but I need you to listen to me and do exactly what I say. Can you whistle?"

All four teens, confused but trusting, nodded to show that they could.

"Right. I need you to whistle this exact tune-" and here he demonstrated a simple three-note chime, waiting for each of the teens to repeat it back before he continued, "and then climb into this barrel." He thumped the side of a broken-topped barrel that was barely waist-high for emphasis.

"...Why?" Ranma asked cautiously.

"No time to explain! Just trust me and do as I do, please?" Baeloth replied. Not waiting for a reply, the inky-hued elf turned to the barrel and whistled in the way he'd shown them before stepping into the barrel... and dropping completely out of sight.

Instinctively, Ranma stepped forward to look into the barrel... only to see it was empty! "The hell? He's gone!" he exclaimed.

"I told you, elves are magical! It must be some kind of... I don't know, mystical shortcut," Ukyo interjected. "Here, let me try..."

Ranma stepped aside and watched as his crossdressing fiancée repeated Baeloth's actions. Sure enough, she vanished from sight by doing so. "...Magic is weird," he muttered to himself, shaking his head. And he used to think changing form with cold water was strange! Turning to the other girls, he asked, "Who wants to go next?"

Nabiki and Shampoo looked at each other, and even Ranma could see they were less than happy with what they saw. "After you, Shampoo," Nabiki said with patently false courtesy.

"No, no, Shampoo insist; Nabiki go first," the Joketsuzoku replied with equally insincere goodwill, gesturing for the 'mercenary girl' to go.

Ranma gave a tortured sigh of resignation, some things will never change . "Okay then, I'll go first, and you girls can follow when you're ready," he declared with an affected air of boredom. A little cold, maybe, but in truth he was still at least mildly annoyed with both of them, and it's not as if he expected them to really get into trouble if he took his eyes off of them.

Not waiting for a reply, Ranma turned back to the barrel, whistled those three notes, and then stepped inside. A strange feeling washed through his body, a sensation of weightlessness and disorientation that made him close his eyes, right before he felt his feet on solid ground again.

When he opened his eyes, however, he found his surroundings very changed indeed. Gone was the mud, the dirt roads, the crumbling buildings, the overwhelming stench of squalor and decay, the filthy and ragged individuals. Instead, he was walking on clean, well-swept cobblestones, which ran in straight and orderly lines between nice-looking, if somewhat plain, buildings.

Though the array of architectural styles on display was staggering, with no two structures being built in quite the same way, all were well-crafted and clearly looked after - a far cry from the dilapidated near-ruins of... what had Baeloth called it? The Hive?

Ranma was so distracted that Nabiki actually bumped into him when she stepped through the 'skip-gate' that Baeloth had shown them, with Shampoo hot on her heels. "Wow... this place is something else..." he commented, talking to himself more than anyone else.

"You should see it during the peak hours, and when the fog is thinner. You've barely scratched the surface of what makes Sigil so special," Baeloth said, finally drawing the triad's attention to him and Ukyo. "Come; my home is this way."

As the quintet set off, the four teenagers all tried to drink in as much of their environment as they could. Though the unseen sun was clearly dimming, the streets abounded with iron lamposts, atop which balls of colored light were flickering into being. And despite the late hour, the streets still abounded with all manner of strange, unearthly people.

They saw plenty of humans, weirdly enough, but they were a definite minority amongst all the other bizarre creatures. In the span of a few blocks, they saw beings like Baeloth, but fair-skinned; creatures that reminded them of Cologne and Happosai with their combination of child-like stature and visible agedness; short, stocky and powerful-looking humanoids with long flowing hair; creatures that looked like mountain goats with the bodies of horned, slightly ovine-featured humanoids replacing their heads; a woman whose body bristled with metallic spikes that seemed to grow from her very flesh; a nine-foot-tall praying mantis with gems and precious metals inlaid on its carapace wearing what looked like a nurse's smock; and a humanoid wolf dressed like it had just stepped off the cover of a Three Musketeers manga.

It really hammered home what the Hive had already tentatively hinted at: this was a far, far remove from Nerima.

Finally, Baeloth led them to a short, squat building, seemingly built of slabs of stone coaxed together. "Be it ever so humble, there's no kip like home," the dark-skinned elf mused, withdrawing a key from his belongings and unlocking the front door.

Once inside, the teens immediately began stripping off their shoes - good manners in any ordinary situation, absolutely essential when they were covered in the... they'd be generous and call it "mud" that they'd been caked in from the Hive. Sadly, there was little to do about their clothes, but they tried to dust themselves off at the doorway as best they could.

Strangely, it was the lack of the traditional genkan that truly helped hammer home how foreign this place truly was.

If Baeloth noticed their confusion, he didn't comment on it, instead moving swiftly into the hallways beyond - surprisingly dark and gloomy, but none of the teens said anything, figuring it must be an elf thing. "I'm home, my little mugwump," he called out in a cheerful voice.

"How many times have I told you not to call me that, you overgrown spider-catcher?" Came a feminine voice, affectionate in tone despite the caustic nature of her words. From out of the darkness came a woman very different to anything that any of the teens from Tokyo had anticipated; whereas Baeloth was tall and slender, she was short and squat, blocky with visible muscle in contrast to the elf's sylph-like build, but at the same time very obviously female, with a dress that strained around a massive, defiantly outhrust bosom... and a round, clearly pregnant stomach. The only thing that she shared in common with him was a similar inhuman color scheme; marble black skin streaked with patterns of fiery orange-red, eyes of a solid copper color, and long white hair. She waddled up to the quintet, casting a suspicious glance over the teens. "And who are these humans?" she asked.

Baeloth simply smiled before stooping down and wrapping his arms around the squat little woman, pressing his mouth to hers in a passionate kiss. Ranma hastily averted his eyes, whilst Ukyo blushed and stifled a giggle. Shampoo simply gave their technique an idle once-over, whilst Nabiki carefully schooled her expression into its familiar cool, detached look.

When Baeloth broke the kiss, he straightened up and gestured to the teens. "My love? Meet Saotome Ranma, Tendo Nabiki, Kuonji Ukyo and Shampoo. They saved me from a band of thugs in the Hive Ward. My friends? This is my beloved wife, Weltha."

"Nihao!" Shampoo chirped, followed by a more subdued set of "His" and "Hellos" from her companions.

Weltha looked up at the teens, a frown on her face. "You saved my stalactite?" she asked, earning both a quizzical look at the pet-name and a group nod. "Then you're welcome here," she added, face relaxing and a faint smile curling her lips.

"Our friends will need to stay the night... they're Keyless," Baeloth interjected.

Weltha turned to look at him with obvious surprise, and at his nod gave the teens a sympathetic look. "Poor things... of course you can stay. We have a spare bedroom that you can share for the night, and I was just about to start making dinner."

"One bedroom?" Nabiki interjected. 'Oh, that's not good, that's not good at all... those two would kill each other over one bed anyway, but add Ranma into the mix...!' She did her best to keep her panic at the idea from showing. Fortunately, there was a reason she was called the Ice Queen of Furinkan High... okay, several reasons, but her staunch control over her emotions was one of them.

Weltha scoffed loudly. "We may live in the Administrator's District, but we're a long way off being top of the heap, never mind ready for the Lady's Ward. One spare bedroom is all we have, and even that we won't have free for you for much longer." As she said this, she unconsciously laid one hand on her stomach.

"One bedroom plenty. Shampo used to sharing bed with great-grandmother," the Joketsuzoku quickly assured her new host.

"All settled, then! Dearest, will you run along and see to dinner? I promised to try and help our guests go from clueless to bloods; we'll be in the study," Baeloth said.

Weltha nodded and then tilted her head expectantly, prompting Baeloth to stoop down again and kiss her. As they broke their liplock, Ukyo commented, "I never expected elf women to be so short."

The husband and wife went silent, turning to stare at Ukyo, with Weltha in particular looking absolutely dumbfounded. "...What?" she asked, as if she didn't trust her own ears.

Baeloth simply laughed. "Like I said, our friends are Clueless... that, Ms. Ukyo, is because my little mugwump is not an elf, like I am, but instead she is a dwarf," he explained.

"Ohh!" Ukyo replied, eyes going wide in realization as she nodded... before she frowned again. "Wait... don't elves and dwarves dislike each other?"

"For the most part? Yes. That is why our relationship was so scandalous," Baeloth replied with a flippant grin.

"Forbidden love? Too-too romantic," Shampoo sighed softly, Ukyo nodding in agreement whilst Ranma and Nabiki tried not to let their mutual eye-rolls be seen.

"Yes... but that's a story for another time. Now, if you will follow me?" Baeloth politely asked. As his wife waddled away to what they presumed was the kitchen, the teens followed the elf to a fairly comfortable room, with shelves of books lining the walls and a number of chairs centered around a fireplace.

Baeloth immediately grabbed the largest and most comfortable-looking chair, leaving the teens to take their own seats. Once they were all seated, Baeloth steepled his hands in front of himself and looked at them all. "Now... before we begin; what do you know of the multiverse?"

"...Never heard the word before," Ranma reluctantly admitted.

"I think I have... it's something like a universe of universes? Many different universes all linked together to form a greater body?" Ukyo volunteered, looking uncertain as she did so.

Baeloth smiled and gestured at Ukyo. "That's exactly right, Ms. Ukyo. A little simple, but simple is good. In fact, the multiverse is made up of what sages call 'planes', which are... How to put this? They are the building blocks of reality itself. The different 'flavors' that make up the 'stew' of existence, if you will? There are many, many different ways to interpret and structure the multiverse, and sages argue over its layout constantly. The simplest interpretation, though, looks something like this..."

As the teens watched in fascination, Baeloth extended one hand, palm upright, and from his palm multicolored vapors began to rise. They twisted and shimmered, warping together until a set of five spheres hovered over his palm, shaped into a cross-pattern.

The centermost reminded them of a globe, albeit one with a set of continents that were completely unfamiliar. The rightmost was a mirror of the center, but painted in vibrant, almost neon-like colors. The leftmost was a darkened, dead-looking mirror. The topmost sphere was filled with glowing rainbows and stars, whilst the bottommost contained a whirling tornado of wind, lightning and flame.

"This 'map' of the multiverse is the simplest, dividing reality into five primary planes. The materium," he gestured at the one sphere in the center, "is perhaps best thought of as the 'mundane' plane. This is the plane from which almost mortal life originates. For this reason, it's commonly called the prime plane, the material plane, or even the prime material plane. As what we call 'primes', you came from this plane, on one of the infinite worlds that make up its particular corner of creation."

Next, he gestured to the rightmost sphere. "This is the Feywild, or the plane of faerie. It is home to the fey creatures of the multiverse - my own people, the elves, originated here before we migrated to the prime."

Then the leftmost sphere. "The Shadowfell, in comparison, is the plane of the dead. The souls of all mortals travel here upon their death, to be processed and sent on to their respective fates, be that reincarnation, damnation, or exaltation."

The top sphere. "This is the Astral Sea, the plane of the gods. Deities and their servants live here, and to the best of anyone's knowledge, originated here." Finally, he pointed at the bottommost sphere. "And this is the Elemental Chaos, the primordial plane. It is the foundation of the material plane and all things shaped from it, the plane of matter standing in contrast to the Astral Sea as the plane of spirit. Are you all with me so far?" Baeloth suddenly asked.

"Yeah, we're with you... seems kind of simple, though," Ranma confessed.

"Well, this is the simplest interpretation - I am actually leaving out several other major planes, such as the Abyss, the Far Realm, the Plane of Dreams and the Accordant Expanse, and many of the sub-aspects of planar structure, such as layers and demiplanes. Besides this, there are other multiversal interpretations, although how accurate any given one is to reality is something that people have killed each other trying to ascertain. In fact, this is a fairly popular theory - if only because it's much, much older than the model I just showed you..."

The spheres dissolved back into colored smoke again, which began to swell into a veritable stormcloud. It spread outwards and upwards, forming an ever-more complex array of spheres linked into a complex array of interlocking rings and designs. "If you would prefer to view things through the lens of the Great Wheel..." Baeloth began.

"No! No thank you! We'll go back to the other one!" Ranma interjected hurridly. Just trying to make sense of this new and convoluted diagram was giving him a headache, and even the girls nodded their agreement.

The shining rings of spheres collapsed back in on themselves and disappeared. "It's all academic, really; the Great Wheel is mostly a more strictly categorized interpretation of the World Axis. And even then, you don't need to know that much about the planes other than that they exist and that they are home to a wide array of creatures. Unless of course you choose to become planeswalkers," Baeloth added, chuckling at some private joke.

"Okay... so what was the point of telling us all that?" Nabiki asked.

"Context. You need to know the multiverse exists to comprehend what I am about to tell you. You see, this is the city of Sigil - the Cage of Doors, in some circles, though most call it either the Cage or the City of Doors," Baeloth explained. "If seen from outside, Sigil would look something like this..."

Once more, the image-smoke began emerging from the elf's hand, forming into... a great stone-gray donut? Before the teens could speak, the donut split open, uncurling to form a cylinder - which let them see that it was hollow. The cylinder then split open horizontally, peeling back until it was stretched out as a flat expanse, one covered in a city in miniature.

It was an image that made Ranma's eyes water. "So... we're in a city that's built into a circle?" He asked, feeling like an idiot even for saying that.

"Wait, so city continues onto roof?" Shampoo interjected.

"Precisely. Oh, the weather is usually so lousy you can never see it, and of course geography rarely makes it visible in the nastier parts of Sigil, but yes; if you were to go back out into the street and look straight up, you would see the city built upside down across the sky above you," Baeloth explained.

"So... what plane does Sigil exist on?" Nabiki asked, trying not to think about the geographical impossibilities of what she'd just been told.

"Some say it exists at the center of the multiverse. Others say it exists outside of the multiverse. Truthfully? Nobody knows. But Sigil is unique in all the multiverse - there are other planar metropoli, such as the City of Brass, Hestavar, Azzagrat and Gloomwrought, but none can compete with Sigil where it matters," Baeloth noted proudly.

"This has got something to do with that 'Cage of Doors' thing you mentioned, doesn't it?" Ranma asked.

"Indeed. Sigil is simultaneously cut off from the multiverse and completely intertwined with it. There is no physical outside to Sigil, in so far as anyone knows. But the city is absolutely riddled with portals - magic doorways that link different parts of the multiverse," the elf quickly elaborated.

"...I get it; so Sigil is basically one giant multiversal port? People use these portals to visit from every plane?" Ranma asked, really hoping he got this one right and the impromptu lesson could stop already.

"Not just every plane, but every world! The materium in particular is filled with countless unique worlds, each with its own cultures and races - and Sigil can touch them all. You sit now at the beating heart of the greatest interplanar trading and navigation hub that has ever and will ever exist," Baeloth declared proudly.

The teens sat in silence for a moment, the elf's words sinking in as they digested the implications. "That's how we got here, then! We must have literally stumbled through one of your portals and come here, right?" Ranma asked.

"That's exactly right," Baeloth confirmed, smiling at Ranma like a teacher proud of his student.

"Then we just find portal and we go straight back home, yes?!" Shampoo chimed in excitedly.

At that, Baeloth's expression fell, and he steepled his hands again. "Well... yes, but actually no."

"What do you mean, 'yes and no'?" Ukyo interjected, not liking where this was going.

"That's why you were calling us 'Keyless', isn't it? We're stranded somehow?" Nabiki realized, not even thinking to realize what might happen if she said that aloud. Fortunately, the other teens were stunned by her words, looking at her in horror before Baeloth drew their attention back to him with a single word:

"Yes."

"How?! Why?!" Ranma blurted out, almost getting whiplash with how fast he switched his attention from Nabiki to Baeloth.

"You have to understand; portals are almost never permanently open, especially portals from Sigil. They almost always have a key - some component, be it material, verbal, somatic, mental or emotional - that you need to provide in order to activate their magic. Without that key, they won't turn on," the elf explained.

"So that's why you had us whistle that tune earlier!" Nabiki interjected.

"Precisely; that's the key to activate that particular portal. Without it, you'd just have stood inside an ordinary broken barrel," Baeloth gave a little nod of approval towards Nabiki. "And since you all came through without meaning to, it's obvious that you don't know what the key is to activate the portal that brought you here. Fortunately, Sigil is also rife with Pryers - people who make money by using rituals like Analyze Portal to reverse-engineer exactly that kind of information. So you can hire somebody to help you find out what the key is to take you home. It won't be cheap, but it's not an insurmountable obstacle."

Relief washed over the teens like a tidal wave, with Ranma, Ukyo and Shampoo all visibly relaxing and smiling at Baeloth's words. "You had us worried there for a moment," Ukyo confessed, a soft giggle escaping her lips as the tension drained from her body.

"Oh, no..."

The teens all looked at Nabiki, who was staring into space with a horrified expression on her face. "What's wrong, Nabiki? Don't tell me you'd rather be stuck here than spend some money!" Ranma scoffed.

The money-grubbing Tendo didn't even blink at her reluctant fiancé's words. "Finding the key is one thing... but what about if we don't know where the portal is?" Nabiki said in an uncharacteristically small voice.

Silence fell upon the room... before three teenage voices rose in a single shelf-rattling chorus of, "WHAT?!"

"Do you remember where it was we entered this city? Would you know how to backtrack from here to where we started? Could you point it out on a map?" Nabiki asked the others, looking at them with visible fear, having already wracked her brain for those same details.

Three faces fell in unison as they realized the impact of Nabiki's words. Ranma reached up and clutched his head as if it were about to split open. Ukyo stared into space, whispering the word "No" to herself over and over again. Desperately, Shampoo turned to the dark elf, "Is-is way around this, yes? Is people what can find portals?" she pleaded with him.

"Yes, there are - world-sniffers is the common parlance for them," Baeleoth confirmed. He flinched as four faces turned hopeful eyes toward him, quickly adding, "But they are rare and their services in high demand; it will cost a fortune to acquire their services! Especially since the portal you came from emerged in the Hive, which is dangerous territory - and some of the least stable in Sigil."

"...Least stable?" Ranma asked hesitantly.

"Suffice it to say that the City of Doors is in constant flux. Streets and buildings move, divide and shift, both at the behest of the dabus and in response to their own strange whims. What is in one place today might not be there tomorrow," Baeloth explained grimly.

"...You're making that up," Nabiki stated, trying to cling to hope.

"In my first week here, I had to midwife a pregnant street. Believe me, the fluidity of the terrain is one of the least weird things about Sigil," Baeloth darkly informed them.

Silence fell across the room once again, heavy and oppressive. The dark-skinned elf shifted uncomfortably, and tried to break the silence. "Have heart, my friends! There are obstacles in your path, yes, but the way back home is not lost forever! Share a meal with my wife and I, and then sleep; in the morning, we can discuss ways to get you all back on your feet and making progress towards finding your way back to your own world. I promise you, I will help you to escape the Cage."

"...Thanks, Baeloth. We appreciate it," Ranma slowly replied.

"Yeah, we're going to owe you for this," Ukyo agreed.

"Shampoo thank you; you is too-too nice, Mr. Elf," Shampoo added, smiling a sad smile.

"We appreciate your assistance," Nabiki concluded, and she actually meant it. To be frank, she was so shell-shocked she couldn't even bring herself to start waiting for the other shoe to drop.

The sound of chiming bells echoed through the study at that moment, prompting Baeloth to look up. "Ah, that would be dinner. Please, join my wife and I?"

Truth be told, none of the teens were really feeling hungry... but they knew they needed the meal, and frankly, it was a little bubble of normality in a day that had been anything but.

As one, they rose from their chairs and followed Baeloth to the dining room. Still, dinner - an alien affair of savory meat-and-mushrooms-in-gravy wrapped in baked pastry, of all things, served alongside an assortment of baked tubers - was a sombre affair.

After dinner, there came the little problem of cleaning up. Sadly, as magical as Sigil evidently was, it still lagged behind Tokyo when it came to little things like indoor plumbing - bathing required pumping cold water from an interior well into a copper tub and then heating it to a suitable temperature. Baeloth explained that there were magical alternatives, but houses where those were standard features lay outside of the financial level he and his wife lived at.

At least they were wealthy enough to afford an indoor toilet, rather than having to use an outside cesspit like the poorer denizens of Sigil! Fortunately, the elf was indeed a spellcaster - as if they hadn't had proof of that during his lecture! - and a simple prestidigitation cantrip could instantly change a tub of cold water into a lovely steamy hot bath.

Once the four teens had each taken their turn at bathing - because like hell any of them were going to bathe together; that was an intimacy none of them trusted each other for, they were more than ready to go to bed.

Which was when yet another of life's little inconveniences reared its ugly head...

"...When they said 'guest bedroom', I kind of expected a bit more distinction between the room and the bed," Ranma confessed, staring at the basement room they had been led to.

As well he might; there was no bed, or even a futon. A single sprawling mass of pillows and blankets dominated the room; not too different in spirit from a futon, fundamentally, but different in one key aspect. Whereas a set of four futons could give each teen their private space, this mass of bedding was essentially going to push them all into a single shared bed.

"Well, we make do. Not look uncomfortable," Shampoo chirped happily, her cheer sending an instinctive shiver of fear down Ranma's back.

"Um... maybe I should camp outside tonight? I mean, the roof was nice and flat, I'm sure they won't mind..." Ranma suggested, trying not to look like he was inching away from his fiancées.

"Oh, stop it, Ranma," Nabiki suddenly interjected, making the other teens look at her in surprise. "Despite what Akane might say in moments of anger or paranoia, none of us believe you would ever try anything funny with a girl. We all trust you to be a perfect gentleman in a situation like this."

"That's right, Ranma-honey," Ukyo added, smiling to herself as she nodded in agreement.

"Is too-too true; Ranma most noble and honorable man Shampoo know," the Joketsuzoku interjected.

Despite his best efforts to appear unmoved, and even with the natural caution that Ranma had developed over his long weeks in Nerima, Ranma still puffed up a little at the ego-stoking he was receiving from three lovely young ladies... hey, as much as he complained about the engagements, and as well as he could control himself, he was still a healthy red-blooded youth!

'Heh, I bet he thinks that's a poker face,' Nabiki smirked to herself. It was weirdly adorable how Ranma thought he was so great at doing the macho aloof manly man thing... which was why she said next slipped out, since it was just so much fun to burst Ranma's bubbles. "If anything, your honor is probably in more danger from them."

Ranma flinched away, and beads of nervous sweat began to prickle Nabiki's skin as she felt a sudden wave of warmth emanating from Ukyo.

"And just what do you mean by that...?" Ranma's bifauxnen fiancée asked in an icy tone, drumming her fingers against her bicep.

In an odd reversal from that morning, Shampoo was the one who seemed to take Nabiki's words in stride. "What? Ukyo no want enjoy husband in proper wifely manners?" she teased her primary rival.

"I-That's not! Gah!" Ukyo spluttered, blushing at the Chinese Amazon's insinuations. "How can you be so calm about what she just said about us?!"

"What there to get upset about? Shampoo do want enjoy Ranma's body... more wonder why Nabiki not include herself in that statement," The Joketsuzoku noted, and now it was her turn to cast an evil eye at the resident Tendo daughter.

'What kind of mind does she have?' Nabiki wondered to herself, but the thought was swiftly drowned out by the intense desire to avoid provoking both of her "rivals" to hostility. Putting on her best disarming smile, she held up her hands in a placating gesture. "Whoa, hey now, I'm not involved in this! I've got no interest in your Ranma!" she assured them.

The object of their discussion scoffed, "Could have fooled me, with the Shampoo impression you were pulling yesterday," he drawled with a raised brow. "I never would'a pictured you as the kind of girl to get so... touchy-feely."

'Are you trying to get me killed?!' Nervous sweat burst from Nabiki's temples, pouring down her face as she hastily waved her hands at the glowering - and glowing - martial artists. "Seriously, it's not what you think!"

"Then what is it, Nabiki Tendo?" Ukyo growled, hand inching towards her battle spatula.

For the barest moment, Nabiki hesitated... then, common sense, having had a recent reality check in the face of just how crazy these girls could be, provoked her into going with the one gambit that none of them could have expected: the truth. "I was just trying to mess with my sister!"

"You what?!" Ranma yelped indignantly, but none of the girls were paying attention at that moment. Instead, Ukyo and Shampoo simply stared at her. "Explain," Shampoo demanded.

"As much as I love my sister... she does need to be taken down the occasional peg. And after what had happened last night, I was really in the mood to give her a reality check," Nabiki began.

"What'd she do?"

"Threw a tantrum and smashed the second-story balcony we were standing on. If Ranma hadn't miraculously decided to save me... I could have gotten hurt pretty badly," Nabiki confessed.

"Whaddya mean, 'miraculously'? Like I said to Akane, you don't have any martial arts training - I couldn't just let you fall!" Ranma interjected.

"Most people, Ranma, would have saved their fiancée first and left her bitchy sister to fend for herself," Nabiki dryly retorted. "I mean, I'm not complaining that you saved me! Just... I never would have expected it. And when I saw Akane just keep throwing her tantrum, slapping you across the face for saving me and telling you that you and I ought to be engaged instead... well, I thought she deserved a little payback," Nabiki shrugged haplessly as she spoke.

"Wait, she did what? And that's how you and Ranchan got engaged?" Ukyo blurted out, her original angry glare now replaced by an incredulous stare.

"Akane real bitch," was Shampoo's succinct situational summary. "But why Nabiki decide to become Ranma fiancée?"

"I'm going to be honest with you, ladies; Akane's my sister, and I love her, and that means I'm supposed to be rooting for her to win your little love war. But that doesn't mean I don't get sick of her acting like a tsundere child - the constant tantrums, refusing to admit she likes him even as she gets so upset when she thinks he's not interested in her, it all gets tiresome," Nabiki explained, letting a bit of her legitimate exhaustion with Akane's antics show for a rare moment. '...Huh; this actually feels really good, to finally let somebody else in on the secret,' she absently noted to herself.

"Try living with it," Ranma retorted, his voice dry enough to empty a sea. Ordinarily, he'd have been a lot more interested in that little suggestion that Akane really did like him... pity it had been such a long and trying day; he was all burned out, on the emotional level.

Ignoring him, Nabiki continued, "So, I thought I'd try and scare her a little. Make her think that she really could have a chance of losing Ranma, and then give him back to her - maybe I could even get her to finally admit out loud that she wants him in the process, but mostly I was just looking to make her sweat."

"And what if Ranma-honey decided he preferred you to your sister, hmm?" Ukyo asked icily.

"Oh, please!" Nabiki scoffed, confident enough she even managed to make a faint laugh at the idea. "There is no way I'm on Ranma's radar, not when he has girls like you and my sister around him."

When Shampoo and Ukyo both preened at the implicit compliment, Nabiki felt relief wash over her... right up until Shampoo spoke again.

"Still nasty trick to play on Ranma... and why you selling him, then?"

"Hey, if he's going to be my fiancé, even if it's only my fake fiancé, then it's okay for me to make a little profit off of him, isn't it?" Nabiki asked, using her most innocent tone and winning expression to try and coax the Chinese Amazon to her side of things.

"No," was the flat response from Ranma, Ukyo and Shampoo, delivered with pitch-perfect unison and making Nabiki's face fall.

Ranma looked at the chamber, looked at the girls, and then sighed mournfully. "...Can you girls promise you'll behave? We still need to work together - now more than ever - if we're going to get home. Wrecking our host's house or strangling each other ain't gonna help."

"Do you really think we'd be that stupid?" Ukyo asked, hurt and incredulity mingled in her words as she stared dumbfounded at her fiancé.

Ranma's silence was deafening, leaving both Ukyo and Shampoo to hang their heads in shame. Of the two, Shampoo was the first to look back at Ranma again, looking him straight in the eyes as she solemnly said, "We promise to be too-too good girls, Airen. No fighting, working together. We show you we can listen to you."

"What she said," Ukyo agreed.

Ranma looked at them both, and then sighed again. "Alright. Then I'll sleep here for the night," he reluctantly agreed. He turned away from the girls, pretending not to see the jubilant smiles on two faces at his decision. Sliding beneath the covers, he still made a point of pressing himself up against the wall, with his back to the girls.

Refusing to be put off by this, Ukyo and Shampoo glanced at the space nearest to Ranma, and then at each other. Nabiki watched as they silently eyed each other up, waiting to see them break their promise already... she was quite surprised when instead they nodded as one before grabbing her and shoving her into the bed. "What are you doing?" she hissed at them.

"Need time to prove us to Ranma. You say you no want Ranma, so you be buffer," Shampoo replied.

Nabiki wanted to argue their point... but, it actually did make sense. Besides, it had been a long and emotionally stressful day; she was wrung out and just wanted to sleep. So she wormed her way under the covers, trying not to get too close to Ranma, and closed her eyes, attempting to get to sleep despite the unfamiliar sensation of being surrounded on both sides by foreign bodies.

It said wonders for just how exhausted she was that, despite the alien environment and unimaginable situation, she soon found herself drifting off to sleep...

Chapter End & Closing Notes

And so we come to the end of our first chapter! I do apologize for the somewhat slow-burn, but even Ranma 1/2 needs a little building up - and, in the case of a setting as complex as this, a certain amount of info-dumping - before we can start really cutting loose with the craziness that comes from turning Ranma and his little harem loose on Sigil.

If you've come here from my earlier Ranma/Nabiki work, "Heated Storm Yields A Wild Horse's Heart", you may be wondering if this story is not going to feature any chance of Ranma/Nabiki, given the final section of this chapter. Without giving anything away, at least hopefully, that's not the case. Nabiki told Ukyo and Shampoo that she's not in love with Ranma and the whole thing was a plan to mess with her sister because... well, that's how it started, and right now she's genuinely scared of Ranma's other fiancées because she's just been reminded that they are both volatile in temperament and physically dangerous to her. If she is attracted to Ranma, she's certainly not going to tell them! No, better to play up the whole "I was never serious about this" angle to keep them pacified, that's what she's thinking.

Now, Planescape fans are going to be in an uproar over the use of the World Axis instead of the Great Wheel. I'm sorry, but I have my reasons, not least of which is that I legitimately prefer the Axis to the Wheel. I don't want to go on a rant here, but suffice it to say that TSR's Planescape was always, to me, a great idea that wasn't executed well, with Black Isle's Planescape: Torment doing the setting far more justice than the splatbooks did. Just... give this fic a chance, you might just be surprised.

And to all D&D fans who were wondering: yes, Baeloth and Weltha are a drow and a duergar, respectively. The angle here is that whilst Ukyo knows enough D&D lore to sometimes provide a valuable clue, she doesn't remember it well enough to be able to suck the mystery out of the setting. Plus, it makes for a nice little comic misunderstanding, and emphasizes their status as Primes - if not "Clueless".