Chapter 1

Author's note: I would like to briefly apologise to all people who read legitimate fanfiction, this is utter chaos that is a product of a mildly insane person channeling his thoughts into a story.

"I like Jazz" admitted Eddard Stark as he drove a shard of plutonium into Cersei Lanister's abdomen.

Then a fat hobo that most people referred to as Stanis did a two and a half backflips, landing on his skull scraping it open and then falling upon several landmines that blew him into a fine liquid that irrigated the deserts of Dorne.

That made Dorne rise up and become Facist with their new overlord, Puss.

Puss led Dorne to victory atop victory and they soon conquested across the south and arrived at the neck were they used superior tactics to overcome the forts with minimal losses.

After the crushing of the neck Dorne drove up through the north and Puss made a speech.

"Meow." He purred in a silk-like voice

But when the dornish hordes were just outside Winterfell a cold winter set in and they all lacked winter equipment, so The north rallied it's forces and drove back with sheer numbers and they soon conquered Dorne.

SOUND FAMILIAR YET!?

Puss then fled over the sunset sea, no doubt to terrorize some unsuspecting nation.

He then grew in power unbeknownst to the rest of the world.

But back in Westeros The North was in a cold war with Essos, but without the thermonuclear warheads part.

But as The North collapsed, Puss returned, Crushed all resistance for good this time and blitzkrieged warcarts across Essos, quickly securing everything, then The Night King died from dysentery because he threw his lamb sauce at the Oregon trail.

Then Puss did a triple backflip so Vladimir Putin quickscoped El Salvador.

This made reddit mildly infuriated so they created a subreddit called r/mildyinfuriating.

Then the German 3rd Reich secured a tiny island called Argentina.

But Poland refused to put up with such so they got liberated by the Soviet Union which was currently doing flying kicks into the German forces.

Puss then decided to start the space race which Belgium won by accidentally opening a wormhole to the moon in Brussels.

So Luxembourg turned itself into a veritable fortress, which the Philippines sent their thiccest divisions at because Luxembourg had better architecture than Manilla.

So Luxembourg won the winter war by literally waiting for the Phillipine troops to starve because they took 10 years to move a single meter through the spasming soil that had been vomited out of Mussilini's throat.

So france took the Hobbits to Isengard which was soon conquered by Theoden who apparently ended up in Westeros.

Varys looked mildly perplexed at the realization that this was not a typical fanfiction, but that didn't stop Big Chungus from body slamming Shaggy who didn't hear his approach because he had airpods in.

So the Red Army Choir built an auditorium in Bangkok, the Thai asked for an encore so They subjectated Afghanistan for it's flintlock muskets, Simultaneously pulling a Turkish battleship on Syria.

This turned Bangladesh's border even more hideous than it currently was, this pissed India off so much that they gave it to Nepal that threw it into The Wall.

So the Night's watch then sat there bored out of their minds as an oversized hobgoblin thought it would be funny to crash his Bloamp (boat and Blimp) into a fat giant that ate too many berries.

Author's note: I apologise for wasting your time.

Please tell me if you actually enjoyed that, which I presume will be nobody.