Findings and Leavings

Chapter 1

Lucy Heartfilia knew more than a little something about loss.

After all, at the tender age of eight, the slow, quiet death of Lucy's mother had profoundly affected her, as it would any child. Her second—and in some ways, more devastating—loss came quickly on the heels of the first. Her father, unable to cope with Layla's passing, and haunted daily by the image of his wife in miniature, threw himself into work, withdrawing affection from his only child. In his overwhelming rage and grief, he'd neglected the greatest gift Layla had ever given him.

At sixteen, lonely and unable to endure her father's callous disregard any longer, Lucy had run away to join one of Fiore's top mage guilds, severing her familial ties with Jude. She'd made a new home and found a new family with the warm and welcoming members of Fairy Tail. Although they'd reconciled years later, Jude had died of a sudden illness before she ever really got to appreciate him as a father.

Shaking her head at the morose turn of her thoughts, Lucy sighed. The blonde sat at her rosewood desk, staring down at the unfinished letter in front of her. Clad in a simple, pink spaghetti-strapped top and pale blue cotton sleep shorts, she mulled over past tragedies while trying to avoid thinking about ones that might be looming in the near future. An avid writer, she'd hoped expressing her anxieties in a letter to her mother might help alleviate them—it had worked before—but tonight, the exercise was proving more frustrating than helpful.

On the eve of war with the Alvarez Empire and Zeref's armies, Lucy was anything but comfortable with the direction her thoughts were dragging her.

Fears for her guildmates—her family—dominated her musings. Natsu, in particular, worried her. Her best friend was gifted in battle...but he was also notoriously reckless. A tactical savant, who relied on his vast store of Dragon Slayer fire magic, raw strength, and sheer willpower to fight, Natsu didn't know the meaning of the words "give up" or "surrender." Especially when it came to protecting his friends.

Lucy had no doubt he'd be on the front lines with Erza, Gray, Gajeel, and the rest of Fairy Tail's more battle-hardened mages. He'd have Happy with him, of course, which eased her somewhat. She knew the blue, winged cat loved Natsu as much as she did, and wouldn't hesitate to pull him up and out of danger if he found himself overwhelmed by enemies.

Still...the celestial mage couldn't help but worry about him. She hadn't even told the pink-haired man she loved him, although she'd realized it ages ago, during that long, lonely year Natsu had abandoned the guild—and her—to train. After the devastating losses they'd sustained against the demons of Tartaros—and they hadn't even gone up against END, Zeref's most powerful demon—Lucy knew Natsu had been hurting, despite the determined smile he'd plastered on his face in the aftermath. The loss of his dragon foster-father, Igneel, at the hands (or claws, as it happened) of Acnologia had broken something within the Dragon Slayer. For the fire mage's years-long search for his much missed parent to end so tragically broke Lucy's heart. The longed-for reunion had been far too short.

That loss, and Natsu's prior failure to prevent the death of Lucy's Future Self during the debacle of the Eclipse Gate, ate away at him she knew. He never spoke of it, but the way she'd sometimes catch him watching her with haunted eyes made her think it was never very far from his mind. He'd stuck close to her during their early skirmishes with the demons, until they'd become separated during the heat of battle by circumstances beyond anyone's control. Luckily, they'd both survived, although neither one of them had emerged entirely unscathed.

In the end, after all the fighting and the dying was over, Natsu had been quiet, but somehow more resolved. Deep down, she understood he'd left the guild to become stronger, determined to protect everyone when he returned, including—and perhaps especially, if she were being honest—Lucy.

But his abrupt departure had still hurt.

Even more so when Master Makarov rubbed salt in the wound by shockingly disbanding the guild the very next day. He'd done it in an effort to protect them from the Black Wizard Zeref's machinations, feeling they'd all be safer dispersed as individual private citizens, rather than grouped together in an easily targeted guild. He'd overridden their strident protests, and eventually everyone had resigned themselves to going their separate ways.

So instead of leaving Lucy surrounded by people Natsu trusted and considered family, he'd inadvertently left her all alone.

The loss of both Natsu and Fairy Tail had been hard to take. After all, she'd been grieving too, having sacrificed the key of her longest-serving spirit, Aquarius. True, she'd had no choice but to summon the Celestial Spirit King; bringing down the demon-structure Plutogrim before it could wipe out her friends and the entire town of Magnolia had to be done. Lucy had been the only one who could do it, and at Aquarius's insistence, she had, screaming out her anguish while clinging to the broken shard of her oldest friend's key.

It had been, without a doubt, the hardest thing Lucy had ever done in her life. It was a loss with which she hadn't yet come to terms, and it still brought her to tears whenever she dwelled on it for too long.

Despite all that, she had nonetheless put on her walking boots and her big-girl panties and did her best to cope with the trio of losses, restarting her life as a writer and editor-in-training for the magazine Sorcerer's Weekly. Finding the job with Jason in Crocus City was, dare she say...? Cool! But at the end of the day, it merely provided a solid distraction from Lucy's pain while she used the resources of the magazine to piece together the whereabouts of her ex-guildmates. Not that she'd worked up the courage to contact any of them. At least, not until he'd come back.

That summer day, when Natsu had shown up in Crocus and proceeded to disrupt the Grand Magic Games in spectacular fashion—he'd melted the stone stadium facade (and her shirt!) with some terrifying, new Dragonfire spell—Lucy had cried with relief tempered by anger. As Happy had flown her down to meet him at the center of the fast-emptying venue, she'd struggled to cover her nearly-naked chest while wavering between extremes of emotion. She wanted to slap him so hard until he understood how much his leaving had wounded her, but also wanted to hug him to her—nakedness be damned!—and never let him go.

In the end, she'd done a bit of both.

Unaware of the disbanding of the guild, and not expecting her anger and hurt—he'd left a note, after all—Natsu had been rocked back on his heels by the force of her open palm. Grin gone, mouth open in shock as a red handprint bloomed on his cheek, he'd stared at her, onyx eyes wide, while the tears she'd barely kept in check finally overflowed their bounds. Not knowing what to do, he'd only managed to gasp out, "Lucy? What the hell?!" before she'd leapt into him, sobbing wildly, arms locking behind his neck, dragging his face down into the space where her collarbone met her throat.

She remembered the exact moment his body relaxed and his arms closed around her. She'd whispered, "Welcome back." He'd held her tightly, nose buried in her long, blonde hair, breathing her in until the King's guards had shown up to escort him away for a scolding. The emotional moment was one she'd savored many times in the months since.

A soft smile curved Lucy's lips as she remembered what it had felt like to be pressed against his chest, feeling his strong arms tight against her back. Truly, it had felt like she'd come home as well. Reading through her letter to her mother once more, she added a few lines, then signed and sealed it in an envelope, adding it to the box of letters that would never be mailed.

Mama,

I really don't know what to write tonight. We're on the eve of a war with Zeref's army—a war that I'm not sure we can win—and I'm frightened. For myself, and for my friends. We're badly outnumbered, but Natsu has a plan. Some power he says will destroy Zeref and save us all.

He is so strong, Mama, and I believe in him. I love him, after all. He'll be in the thick of the fighting, and if he has hope that we'll win, how can I not? Still, it's hard for me not to be fearful of what could happen. Of the future we might lose.

I know it's silly and stupid of me to be thinking about trivialities at a time like this, but I haven't even kissed him yet, or told him how I feel. And I could die tomorrow. Or he could. We could all die.

I'm sorry to be so maudlin. Writing this isn't helping me as much as I hoped it would. I'll write to you again, Mama, after the war is over. I'm sure I'll have more positive things to tell you, so please wait until then.

Your loving daughter,

Lucy

Stretching her arms above her head, Lucy stood up and leaned back, cracking her spine pleasantly. At that moment, Natsu and Happy appeared in her bedroom window.

"Yo! Lucy! We brought some games. Let's play!" Natsu grinned as he landed lightly on her bed, hopping down to the floor. Happy flew in behind him, carrying a small bag of boardgames and card games.

Rolling her eyes at them, Lucy tried not to smile. It would only encourage their outrageous behavior. Not that yelling discourages them either.

"Jeez, use the door, you guys!" she tried anyway.

"This way's faster," Natsu shrugged, plopping down on the floor by her small coffee table. He gave her a cheeky grin and scratched his head, bandaged-wrapped right arm tucked up behind tousled pink locks. He was wearing his usual black, open-chested vest that showed off his washboard abs. His baggy white pants rode low enough on his hips that she could see the large X-shaped scar above the left hipbone, a remnant of his hard-won battle against Future Rogue. It did nothing to detract from the beauty of his trim, muscled physique, however.

Lucy felt her heart skip a beat as she gave him a mock frown. If only he weren't so adorably sexy when he was being naughty...

Happy cut in, "Hey, Lucy! Let's play strip poker!"

"Absolutely not, cat! You're already naked! Pick a normal game!" she screeched.

The next few hours flew by as they joked and laughed and played together, temporarily keeping their uneasiness at bay over what might come tomorrow. Whatever defensive preparations the guild could make, they had made. The town's civilian population had been evacuated for safety. Worrying about things they couldn't control was pointless, so they concentrated on simply enjoying each others' company as best they could.

Eventually, after Lucy clobbered them for the fourth time at a colorful tile-laying game, fatigue overtook Happy and he curled up on Lucy's easy chair and fell asleep, purring softly and murmuring about fish. Not wanting to wake him, Lucy dimmed the room's light lacrima then moved away to lie down on her bed. Staring at the ceiling, she grasped a book she'd been reading earlier but hadn't finished. Somehow she couldn't bring herself to open it.

Natsu sat on the floor below her, back against the bed frame, legs splayed out in front of him. He'd removed his vest and ever-present scarf awhile ago to be more comfortable. Lucy wondered if he'd be able to sleep. At the moment he was idly shuffling a pack of cards, bridging them between dexterous fingers.

As the unnatural silence of an evacuated Magnolia surrounded them, Lucy found she could neither read nor sleep. With no distractions to occupy her, the celestial mage's thoughts kept circling back to the letter she'd written to her mother.

"Hey, Natsu."

"Hmm?" He dropped his head back onto her comforter rolling moss green eyes in her direction. The onyx eye color that appeared when he was shocked or in the midst of the excitement of battle was nowhere to be seen in the low light. He must be feeling fairly relaxed.

She envied that about him—his ability to live in the moment. She could see the strong line of his throat and his Adam's apple, the view unimpeded by his dragon scale scarf for a change. Her throat felt unexpectedly dry as she let her eyes roam over his collarbones and muscular shoulders. All of a sudden, she felt fidgety around him, in a way that she normally wasn't. She swallowed, trying to get some moisture into her throat.

"I-I'm sorry for cutting you off earlier when you tried to tell me what you want to do after the war is over. It's just that it's such a huge death flag when characters do that in novels, and I just couldn't bear it..." Her voice trailed off. Taking a breath, she rallied, adding, "But I also think it's right what Igneel told you. You know, to 'speak about the future. Because that is the power to live.'"

"Lucy—"

"Wait. Let me finish." Slowly, she sat up, shifting until she could scoot closer to him on her knees. He looked up at her, eyes questioning. Suddenly, her palms felt moist and her heartbeat sounded too loud in her ears. She wondered for a panicked moment if he could hear it.

"Um..."

"Spill it, Lucy. You know you can tell me anything."

"Natsu... I-Is it okay if I do s-something? Something I've never done before?" She swallowed again, shakily tucking long blonde bangs behind her ears. It's now...or maybe never.

"Sure, Luce! Whatcha wanna do?" He waited expectantly.

"This." Hurriedly, she leaned down to kiss him right on his smiling lips. In her nervousness, she moved too fast and caught the corner of his mouth rather than full on his lips as she'd intended. His eyes opened wide as saucers and she sat back abruptly, horribly embarrassed, hands over her bright red face.

"Don't say anything, Natsu," she managed to gasp out.

"Luce—"

"I mean it! Not. One. Word." She wasn't brave enough to look directly at him.

After a long moment, she felt the edge of her mattress dip as he settled beside her. Ever so carefully, his warm fingers encircled her wrists, tugging gently.

"Lucy, look at me."

Stubbornly, she shook her head, hands pressing harder over her eyes and cheeks. She felt so foolish, all her momentary courage gone. What had possessed her to be so stupid? They were going into battle tomorrow!

She heard Natsu let out a quiet chuckle low in his throat. He brought his forehead down to bump against hers lightly without letting go of her wrists. His voice was soft as he breathed out, "You moved too fast, Luce. I can do better than that. Let me try again."

Shocked chocolate irises peeked out from between her fingers. She leaned back from him, slowly bringing her hands down, wrists still encircled by his fingers. Her bottom lip trembled, the subtle motion drawing his eyes. He loosed her wrists, bringing his hands up to cup her face in his palms. She stared at him, eyes wide, as he leaned in slowly. She had time to suck in a quick breath as he paused, considering the angle with a heavy-lidded gaze, before tilting her head slightly. She couldn't stop her eyes from closing as he slanted warm lips firmly but gently over her own.

The tenderness of the kiss paralyzed her, and it was only when he pulled back several seconds later to look at her, that she opened her eyes to find him watching her almost...hungrily?

"Lucy..." he whispered, tracing his thumb over her lower lip. She shivered, parting her lips reflexively and inhaling some much needed air. He quickly took advantage of the opening to dip forward again, drawing her lower lip into his mouth, sucking gently. His hands on her cheeks drifted downwards, cradling her jawline to tug her closer. Lucy's thoughts tumbled one after another as her pulse skyrocketed out of control.

Am I dreaming? Is this really happening? Oh my god, this is happening!

Tentatively, her hands reached up to clutch his shoulders as she began kissing him back, lips parting further under his questing mouth. When his tongue delved curiously inside to tangle with her own, she moaned low in her throat and shifted her grip to wind her fingers into his hair. He let out a groan of his own at the contact, dropping one of his arms to curl around her back, possessively pulling her body closer to him. The feel of her breasts pressing against his chest with only a thin tank top between them was almost too much for Lucy.

Breathing raggedly as Natsu began to press her backwards into the pillows, Lucy wondered, with what little thought she had left, if this were the moment their friendship tipped over the edge into passion. Remembering Happy was in the room, she steeled herself to begin slowing things down. But before she could push lightly against his chest, Natsu pulled back to look at her. He was panting, dark eyes serious.

"Lucy... I know this isn't the best time...but I wanted to tell you I l—"

The bells of Kardia Cathedral pealed out harshly in the background, cutting off his words. Grimacing, he cursed instead, jerking away from her. She felt the loss of his warmth almost like a blow and folded her now-empty arms around her middle, hugging herself.

Startled by the sudden cacophony of bells and swearing, Happy leapt up from his chair cushion, wings flapping with agitation as he hovered in midair, eyes wide. Natsu reached down to grab his vest and scarf from the floor, quickly shrugging them on as he turned to the blue Exceed.

"That's the attack signal! They're earlier than expected," the winged cat cried.

"Yeah. Attacking at night is good strategy, so I'm not really surprised," Natsu replied dryly. He gazed at Lucy, drinking in her flushed face and swollen lips. "Still, their timing sucks."

Happy's eyes drifted between them, wondering just what he'd missed.

"Did I miss something?"

"No!" They both shouted at the same time, then flushed, each glancing at and then away from the other sheepishly.

Happy shrugged, knowing he'd get it out of Natsu eventually. "You guys are weird."

Resigned, Natsu huffed irritably. "I've gotta go, Luce. You know the plan. Be careful and stay as safe as you can."

"Tell that to yourself, you big idiot," she smiled shakily, running a hand through her mussed hair. "At least I'll be here, defending the guild, instead of out there on the front lines. If anyone needs to be careful, it's you."

A quick grin flashed across his face and he nodded.

"Let's go, Happy!"

"Aye, Sir!" the blue Exceed cried as he flew to the open window and exited.

Natsu turned to follow him, but at the last moment he paused, reaching back to touch her face with his fingertips.

"Say, Lucy... Do ya think, when this is all over, I can kiss you some more?"

She clutched his hand briefly, brown eyes boring into his own. Her voice was soft as she replied, "Yeah, Natsu. So long as you promise to come back. You can kiss me some more."

"It's a promise then. I'm all fired up!" He winked at her. "See ya later, Luce."

She released him and he hopped down from her window, running to meet up with Gajeel and Wendy. The three Dragon Slayers and their feline Exceed partners were the first line of defense in the event of an aerial attack. First Master Mavis had several battle strategies planned out, depending on the Empire's opening moves. Lucy only hoped she'd thought of everything.

Blinking rapidly to hold back the tears that threatened to fall, she shook her head to snap herself out of her momentary weakness. Quickly grabbing her clothing and celestial keys, she began to dress for battle.