Dude, Where's My Faith?

A tow-headed little boy stared up at his darker-haired, older brother. His left eye was swollen and bruised. His voice was whiny and high-pitched.

"Lemme come with you!"

The older boy—a teenager, towering a couple feet over his little brother—responded very sternly, "I already told you, you can't come! You have ta stay here and take care of Mama. I'll be back 'fore ya know it."

The younger boy started to cry and suddenly, he was flickering. Changing. His hair and bruised eye remained the same, but his face was different, his clothes flashing from dirty, too-small old rags to name-brand, tailor-fit new garments. Back and forth until he was two different children inhabiting one body, sobbing and pleading with his big brother.

"But I can't stay here alone with them! You can't leave me again! Why d'you always get to leave, but I don't?! It's not FAIR!"

The teenage boy flickered. One second he was tall and gangly with shaggy dark hair, the next he was a few inches shorter with a military-style buzz cut. Bright blue eyes and then dark brown eyes and then blue again. Back and forth, back and forth, until he was two different people at the same time. He opened his mouth, but no sound came out.

Then both boys disappeared. Everything faded away around them, melding and pooling together in a swirl of shadows and colors.

There was nothing but darkness. A deep and endless void of nothing. The sound of distant screams echoed from somewhere far away and all around.

Laughter drowned out the screams. Low and throaty, full of malice.

A flash of charcoal skin and shining red eyes. The gleam of pearly white teeth. The laughter grew louder before it cut off abruptly.

It was replaced with a deep voice. Terrifying and familiar. A dog was growling somewhere in the distance.

"Ah, the Visitor is trying to visit where they do not belong. You truly are a willful one, just like all those before you. What is it you think you'll see, precious? Your pure soul has no place amongst this darkness. You may think you want the truth, but you will never be strong enough to bear the weight of this knowledge. You've been here before—only briefly. I recognize you, sunshine girl. I watch your every movement. And I patiently await your final return…"

The voice cut out and the gleaming red eyes disappeared. A bright blue drove out the darkness. The color of the sky. Then a deep green. The color of lush grass.

And then another voice rang out. Louder, stronger. Feminine. Irish.

"The child born twice, venturing too far yet again. You must not allow your Gift to lead you here uninhibited. You are stronger than you know. Your mind is capable of things you are not yet prepared for—you are the light, lass. You bear the glow of the sun as your ancestors before you, and you must not forget the power that courses through your veins. Aye, there is much and more for you to see. Even that which the darkest forces would like to hide from you. But now is not the time. Run home, sweet girl. Guard your soul, for there are enemies all around, and they thirst for the purity you possess. Many and more wish to see you fail, and fail you shall not. This journey has only just begun, wee Beth… Continue forward, and do not stop until you've uncovered the truth that lies dormant within your heart."

Beth jolted awake, gasping for breath and shooting up from her pillow. She sat upright in her bed, blinking rapidly and looking around. Her hand was over her chest, grasping at her T-shirt and assuring herself that she was real. That she was present in the mortal plane.

She was in her bed. In her bedroom. Everything was dark, but there was a mixture of moonlight and security light leaking in through the curtains of her windows. She took several more deep breaths, still looking around and reassuring herself that she was awake.

Merle was nowhere to be found, but she quickly remembered their last conversation and reasoned that he probably wouldn't be back for several hours. She glanced over and saw the silhouette of the Djab Idol sitting atop her desk. She listened for the sounds of movement throughout the house, but there was only silence. Everyone was asleep. The clock on her nightstand read 3:34.

Her heart was still racing, thumping away beneath the thin cotton of her T-shirt. There was a cold sweat on her forehead and she wiped it away with the back of her hand.

The nightmare was stuck in her head, though. She knew it was nothing more than a dream, but it had felt so real. She'd never dreamt so vividly before. She'd never woken up in a cold sweat, gasping for breath and full of fear before. Not like this. She could still hear those voices echoing at the back of her mind.

Was it just a dream? Or had she accidentally ventured somewhere further while sleeping? Was that how it worked? Did she have to worry about this stupid Gift even while she was unconscious?

It certainly seemed that way. Which was scary enough in itself.

She'd recognized Papa Legba's voice. And the woman… she'd sounded just like Morgan had when he claimed someone had spoken through him. Had the Witch of Youghal spoken directly to her again?

And now she had to wonder… who were those boys? They hadn't looked like anyone she recognized.

She rubbed her eyes and sighed, struggling to steady her breathing and heart rate. She wanted to lie down and fall asleep again, but she was afraid it would take her back to that place. And what if she couldn't find her way back this time? If that really had been Papa Legba speaking to her, then he was the last being she wanted to communicate with, especially when she had no control over the communication. Had that actually been Florence Newton speaking to her? Warning her? Saving her?

She reached over and grabbed her phone, lighting up the screen to find a new text message waiting for her. The timestamp read 11:37. She'd already retired for the night by that time, though now she was kind of wishing she'd stayed up a bit later.

The text was from Daryl: If this is too much for you, just say the word. I'll understand. If you wanna go, you can go. I won't hold it against you. Merle isn't your problem. He's mine. I can deal with him even if I can't see him. My soul is probably fucked anyway. It's not your burden to bear. Just so you know.

Her stomach twisted and her chest ached as she read his message over and over. Her scarred wrist itched and she ran a finger across the raised flesh, reminding herself of the brief time when she'd thought that opting out was the only viable answer.

And even though it was nearly four in the morning, she felt that she needed to reply sooner rather than later. So she did.

Your soul isn't fucked. I've never wanted something as bad as I want to keep you out of Hell. And even though Merle is a real dick, I wanna help him too. Don't go counting me out just yet, Dixon. I don't give up easily.

She hit Send and read back over her message. A few seconds later, she sent another:

Wouldn't kill you to have a little faith.

Then she locked her phone and set it down on the nightstand. And after several deep breaths, she was lying back down and closing her eyes. She let sleep overtake her once more.

Luckily, she didn't dream at all this time.

When Beth awoke again, sunlight was filling her bedroom. The clock read 7:16, and there was a new text from Daryl waiting for her on her phone. It had arrived barely an hour ago.

Not doubting you. Just don't want you getting in over your head. Faith isn't something I'm awful familiar with, Greene. But you seem pretty confident. And you're the one who can see the future. So I reckon I'll try.

She didn't realize she was smiling until she'd already set her phone aside and hopped out of bed. She didn't know how to respond to that text. But she didn't feel like a response was really necessary.

The sounds of her family walking around and talking downstairs reached Beth's bedroom, giving her more motivation to get up and going. She wondered where Merle was, but only for a second. She hoped he'd stay away until the memorial was over. She didn't need him adding to her emotional stress today.

After a quick shower, she fixed her hair and applied her makeup and put on the nice garment hanging in her closet that she'd bought last month for this exact occasion: a modest and flowy blue dress patterned with black orchids and accented with tiny red splotches in the shape of leaves, the hem stopping just below her knees. It left her arms and upper chest bare, so she put a thin, waist-length black cardigan over it. She slipped on a pair of simple black heels and snatched up her purse on the way out the door.

By the time she got downstairs, she found the rest of her family dressed and sipping coffee, most of them still occupied with finishing breakfast. Maggie quickly grabbed her attention and pulled her over to join Glenn.

And for a little while, everything felt normal again. Or as normal as it could be without their mom around. Beth forgot about her Gift and busied herself with formalities. They left the farmhouse and headed to the church in town, where they all pitched in and finished preparing for the memorial. The guests began to pour in, one group after another, and a few hours later, everyone was gathered around and reminiscing, catching up, sharing both laughter and tears.

Beth wasn't thinking about Merle or The Governor or the Swamp Witch or her Gift. She was, however, wondering what Daryl was doing. Anticipating his next text message. Listening for the familiar sound of a motorcycle from somewhere off in the distance.

She didn't know why. She just kinda wished he'd accepted the invitation to join them.

But they had bigger fish to fry. She could only hope that he was getting something done; tracking down some answers, following up on some leads with Rick. Or maybe even beginning to come to terms with all the underlying shit that went along with this whole ordeal.

Whatever he was doing, she hoped he was thinking about her, too. And not just because she could talk to his dead brother.

The memorial wasn't much different than it had ever been. Every year turned out about the same. Beth was okay with that. She appreciated the normalcy, enjoyed the sense of community and the everlasting love and respect that these people had for her late mother and her family in general. She liked all the tight hugs and big smiles she received from the people who'd watched her grow up. She especially appreciated how happy her dad seemed to be amongst the small crowd of people. Despite the fact that it was the anniversary of his wife's death, he was making the best of it.

He chose to take this opportunity to remember Annette for all of the best reasons, and to share his memories with others who had known and loved her. Beth had found it difficult to understand for the first couple of years, but nowadays, she got it. She understood. And she tried to enjoy it like her father did.

Though it was a challenge. Because Beth couldn't help but feel sad that her mama wasn't around anymore. That she couldn't see just how far Maggie, Shawn, and Beth had come. That she couldn't be here to tell them how proud she was of everything they'd done and the people they'd grown into.

But, Beth reckoned, it just wasn't meant to be. There was a reason for everything, right? That's what she had to keep telling herself.

She just needed to have a little faith. Like she'd told Daryl.

Regardless, she couldn't stop wondering… had her mother known? About the Greene Gift? Had she seen it in Beth as a small child? And if she were still around, would she be someone Beth could confide in and look to for guidance?

She'd never know now. No use in dwelling on the what if's. She would only end up hurting her own feelings.

Two long tables filled the gathering hall of the church, both of them lined with chairs that held several different families. The Greene's sat clustered together with Patricia and Otis and Jimmy's family. Jimmy had chosen the seat diagonal from Beth, and she could feel him repeatedly glancing at her. She tried to ignore it.

They'd had a brief and polite conversation earlier—Annette's memorial was the only time of the year Beth ever really saw Jimmy anymore. He'd been away at college and had plenty of stories to tell. Though Beth still felt a little awkward with him, like the conversations were always forced. It had been about three years since he last tried to convince her to date him again, but she got the sense that his feelings had never really faded.

She didn't know why; their high school relationship felt like a lifetime ago by now. She hadn't even been in a serious relationship since then. Since shortly after her little… attempt. Admittedly, she didn't have the time. Or the energy. She had a lot of responsibilities on the farm, and since her mom's passing, she hadn't been very interested in meeting new people. Jimmy just didn't seem to get it. He'd always had some stupid fairytale fantasy of them running away together and living happily ever after. But that's not what she wanted. She was happy here. Everyone she loved and cared about was here. Why would she leave?

She didn't check her phone until she'd sat down with a full plate of food. Maggie sat on one side of her while Shawn sat on the other, and they were both chatting away with the others seated around the table. The gathering hall was filled with chatter and laughter, the rustling of tablecloths and the squeak of metal chair legs on tile.

There was a new text from Daryl. The timestamp told her it had arrived about an hour ago.

How's the memorial going?

She typed back a response and hit Send: Really good! Thanks for asking. How's your day so far? Any word from Rick yet?

Then she shoved her phone under her leg and began digging into her lunch. Jimmy's mom leaned over and politely made conversation, asking what Beth had been up to, and was she seeing anyone these days? Thinking about college or a career? She wasn't planning on living at home with her dad forever, was she?

Beth forced a smile and tried not to lose her appetite.

It was close to 3 in the afternoon by the time everyone had finished eating and mingling. People were starting to say their goodbyes, exchanging more long hugs and well wishes, making sure to stop and shake Hershel's hand on their way out.

Maggie wandered outside with a family friend to walk them to their vehicle and Shawn was busy talking with a former high school classmate. Beth stepped off to the side and checked her phone, but there were no new messages waiting for her. At first, she was disappointed. But then she started to feel nervous—was Daryl with Rick right now? Were they talking to the car rental people? Maybe they were in Atlanta already and Daryl was too busy to text back.

"Hey."

A familiar voice broke through her thoughts and she quickly shoved her phone back into her purse, looking up to find Jimmy standing before her. His hands were in the pockets of his black slacks and he was smiling shyly. He almost looked nervous to be approaching her.

Beth gave him a warm smile, though she tensed up a bit. "What's up?"

Jimmy shifted his weight from one foot the other, clearing his throat and glancing over his shoulder. His mom was on the other side of the room, happily chatting with Patricia. He met Beth's eyes and lowered his voice. "Um, sorry about my mom. You know how she can be…"

Beth relaxed, shrugging. "Yeah, I know how she can be. Don't worry about it."

He smiled easier and said, "You look really nice today. It was good to see you an' catch up a bit."

"Thanks, Jimmy." She glanced away awkwardly, pretending to check on her dad from afar. "It's good ta see you're doin' well. I'm glad you could make it today."

He nodded, then his smile slowly faded. "Beth, I—I met somebody. And I haven't told my mom yet, 'cause it's still real new, but… I don't want you feelin' uncomfortable around me. I'd like us ta be friends. Ya know, we had a lotta good memories together. Even if it didn't work out. It took me longer than it should've, but I got over you. I'll always care about you, but all that other stuff is in the past. So…"

Beth froze and stared back at Jimmy with surprise. "Oh." Relief rushed through her. "Wow. Okay, well… I really appreciate that. And I'm happy to hear it. That you met somebody. I bet she's a really good girl."

His smile returned. "She is. Maybe I'll bring her along next year."

"That'd be nice." She hesitated, then she told him, "I'm sorry if I was a jerk to you, Jimmy. At any point over the last seven years. I did love you, and I still care about you, too. I just… think we wanted different things outta life. And I was goin' through a tough time for a while. That's not an excuse, but—"

Jimmy chuckled and put up his hand to stop her. "Don't apologize to me. I understand. I always have. I was just, I'ono. In denial or somethin'. Took me longer to come to terms with it, but I think that's 'cause it took me longer to grow up. You were always more mature than me. Way smarter, too."

Beth laughed at that, shaking her head. "Don't say that, it's not true. You're the one with a college degree. I barely finished high school."

She'd meant it as a joke, but his smile quickly disappeared and he furrowed his brow. "That's not how it works, Beth. Don't think that about yerself—my mom's full of shit. We both know that. You're one of the smartest people I've ever met, and you still are. But in a different way; you know what you want outta life. And it's not the same cookie-cutter bullshit that everybody else wants. There's nothin' wrong with wantin' to stay close to your family, or not knowin' what you wanna do for the rest of your life by the time yer twenty-four. Our lives are only just gettin' started. We're young. Who knows where we'll be in ten years. As long as we're happy. Right?"

Damn, Beth had not been prepared for that kind of depth and empathy from Jimmy. She had to fight back a wave of tears that threatened to pool in her eyes.

She swallowed hard and nodded. "Yeah. You're right."

He shrugged, smiling again. "So I just hope we can remain friends, and I really hope you can find whatever it is that's gonna make you happy."

She returned his smile, bright and genuine. "Thank you, Jimmy. That's… really, really sweet of you. I hope the same for you."

Then he took a step closer and leaned in just a bit, his voice lowered as though he were telling a secret, and added, "I gotta admit—you look happier today than any of the other times I saw you over the last few years."

Beth blinked, letting out a soft laugh. "I do?"

He nodded. "Ya sure do."

She felt herself blushing, though she made no effort to hide it. She glanced away bashfully and muttered, "Well… I feel happy. I think."

Rather, she felt like she had a purpose. A destination that she actually wanted to reach. But that was pretty much the same thing, as far as she was concerned.

"You think?" Jimmy teased.

"I don't wanna go jinxin' things just yet," she joked.

Maggie's voice caught Beth's attention from across the room. "Beth!"

She turned and searched around for a second before she spotted her older sister weaving through the clustered groups of people and making a beeline straight for her. And Maggie was grinning. Why was she grinning?

"I'll see ya around, alrigh'?" Jimmy reached out and gave Beth's arm a soft pat.

Beth nodded and said goodbye, and he walked away just as Maggie approached.

"What is it?" Beth asked, growing more worried by the second when she saw the mischievous sparkle in Maggie's green eyes.

But Maggie just grabbed her by the wrist and urged her towards the door. "C'mon, come look."

"At what?" Beth asked, though she was already being led through the crowd and outside.

As soon as they were out the door and standing on the front steps of the church, Maggie stopped and raised a hand, pointing to something off to the left. Beth's eyes followed her finger, across the grass lawn and the small parking lot. To the street.

"I think somebody's waitin' for you," Maggie said.

And there, leaning against his parked bike and smoking a cigarette, was Daryl Dixon.

Beth's mouth curled up into a wide smile. Her heart leapt.

He did, in fact, appear to be waiting for her.

to be continued…