Chapter 1

Hello all! This is my (commonly-done-but-not-at-all-mandatory) first authors note. This is my first fanfic and I would appreciate your feedback and comments. Needless to say, this is an AU and I plan on changing a lot.

This story will focus on Roman and Neo but if they actually had character development instead of being "the dastardly thief" and "the silent psychopath." Maybe they'll live, maybe they'll die, who really knows for sure?

Other characters will obviously make appearances and I intend on having more character interactions (and more satirical interactions as well) than in the canon show. For now, please read and review! I look forward to writing this!

In an abandoned warehouse in the shady part of Vale there were three people. Well, three people who weren't unconscious at least.

"Alright Neo, that's enough. I'm pretty sure he gets the point by now, don't you think?"

A man in an immaculate white suit and bowler hat stood over another man, whose shirt was currently bloody and torn. Holding said man on the ground was a small girl who―upon first glance— looked like she was but a child, also wearing a white overcoat and had several belts and necklaces on.

The girl, the aforementioned "Neo", looked up at the man in the hat and gave him a sad pout.

"Oh don't give me that look! You know as well as I do that the last thing we need on our hands tonight is a murder in the scond degree!" the man said, not in a manner that conveyed fear at the idea of taking another person's life but more akin to someone who's incredibly annoyed at how late they are to a function they were supposed to have arrived at an hour ago. He held a cane in one hand and a scroll in the other.

"P-Please! I'll get outta town! Me and all my boys! J-just get this little monster offa me!" the rugged and beaten man on the ground pleaded.

Neo looked down on the ruffian—who was currently being held to the ground by her boot—and put on an incredibly affronted look. Her? A monster? What an asshole! She went through all the trouble of not killing him and he calls her a monster! A part of her mind said that she should off him for spouting such hurtful nonsense. There was another part of her mind that was probably telling her not to kill him but she was already moving to curbstomp him so it went woefully unnoticed.

As Neo went to stomp the man's head into the asphalt a cane intercepted her boot and she slammed her foot down an inch shy of his face. The beaten man could only turn his head a very tense ninety degrees and look at the side of her boot, which could've crush his head (and probably had crushed many other heads) like putty.

"Damnit Neo, I said no killing tonight! We still have to go see Junior and grab his goons for another dust raid, and Brothers be damned if Junior's men will even be capable of doing anything at all, let alone something useful," the posh man said staring at his scroll and looking at the time before stuffing it in his coat with a huff, "finish up with this guy and let's go already! And don't finish finish him, okay?"

Neo blew a raspberry at the hatted man and swiftly brought the boot next to the man's head into his temple, rendering him blissfully unconscious. Him and his gang had moved in on some territory that wasn't theirs, and Neo and her partner learned that the only way to truly get rid of these kind of punks was to strap on the ass-kicking boots and the name-taking gloves and send the louts packing.

Neo patted her hands against each other as though getting rid of dust and looked to her friend. She smiled a toothy smile and closed her eyes, looking for all the world like a child who just did something they're very proud of. Her companion could only roll his eyes and give her a pat on the head.

"Yes, yes, I'm very proud of your for beating up all these mooks" He said, waving the cane in his hand theatrically as he turned on his heel, "now let's get moving! I hate being late."

The two left the old warehouse and walked to the more populated part of town. The night was still young for many party goers and youths, who could be seen ambling around looking for clubs and bars. Neo and her friend were also heading to a club, but this particular club had a certain reputation to it and the line to get in could be seen before the building could.

'Juniors' was a club that had seemingly appeared out of nowhere and had immediately become one of the most popular spots for party goers and mobsters alike. The owner Hei Xiong, much better known as Junior, was the most notorious information broker in the criminal underground and "owned" a large amount of the shadier parts of Vales streets. As such, Junior had a door in the back guarded by two men for his customers who weren't exactly buying drinks so that his more seedy business dealings could go unnoticed by the public.

Neo and the man with the cane sauntered in through this backdoor and right up to the bar. When the bartender asked what they wanted Neo simply knocked twice on the counter while the man asked for straight scotch. The barkeep nodded and left the two waiting. Rather than sit impatiently, Neo seemed to have seen two girls she knew and simply left without another word, leaving her companion by himself. He watched her run and bring both girls heads together in a way that, to many, seemed like an attempt to knock the two unconscious. With Neo, the assumption wasn't at all misplaced, but nonetheless the three seemed to immediately start a conversation.

"Ahem," a gruff sound came from behind the man as he watched the three girls, "let em be, huh? You look like a creep watching three young girls at your age."

The hatted man turned around and was greeted by an absolute bear of a man. The man stood at an impressive 6'11'', and was a mass of muscles. He wore a black vest and a red tie and had a beard that was kept in very good condition. He held a scotch in his hand, the barkeep from before walking off towards Neo with a very colorful drink.

"Junior!" the man said as though he were greeting a very close friend, "how ya been buddy? Keeping it clean here?"

"Roman, shut up and stop acting like I didn't see you a week ago when asked for my men," Junior groused, crossing his arms, "you're a real piece of work sometimes, ya know that?"

Roman Torchwick; man of many talents and wearer of guyliner (not that he would admit it) and a renowned thief and criminal in the city of Vale, rolled his eyes and leaned in towards Junior.

"Come on Junior, Neo and I just roughed up those punks in the old warehouse for you! Where's the appreciation? The praise?" Roman questioned as though confused as to why Junior hadn't welcomed him with open arms and admiration.

"I appreciate that Neo doesn't talk as much as you and I praise the Brothers that I don't have to see you every day," Junior said with an incredibly flat expression, "let's just get this done with Roman."

"Ugh, no wonder you're still single. No tact? No pillow talk? Where's the love? The passion?" Roman exclaimed, "Junior you need to enjoy life more and relax!"

"I'll relax when you're not in my club on a Friday at the busiest time of night!" Junior growled, having already been fed up from having to deal with his annoying (and sometimes horny) customers and his sub par employees, "and to top it off, you're late!"

"Fine, fine, just give me the men and let me finish my drink and I'll be history. That okay with you big bear?" Roman asked, sipping at his drink. Junior simply rubbed his temples and told him the men he asked for were in the back. Roman raised his glass in a toast before walking off and waving Neo to him. She nodded and was by his side in a second. As they walked away from the bar a blonde girl in a brown jacket and biker shorts gave them a sidelong glance. The two ignored it and continued on. After all, there was business to do.

Having finished conducting business and giving Juniors goons a meeting place and time, Roman and Neo departed from the club and began their journey to their safehouse. Roman reached to grab his scroll from his coat but came up empty. He checked the other side.

Also empty.

"Ah shit, Neo I lost my scroll," Roman sighed as Neo pointed at him and put her hand in front of her mouth as though laughing, "yeah, yeah, laugh it up. Remember we have important shit on that thing?"

Neo stopped and glowered at that, realizing that they'd have to go back and find it before it got stolen by some street rat or other unsavory party like the police. She sighed along with him and the two turned to backtrack to their previous locations, knowing that it's be about another two or so hours before they could finally go home.

"Um, e-excuse me? Mister?"

They turned to see a small girl, certainly no older than Neo, standing slightly hunched in on herself and twiddling her fingers, though something was held in one of her hands. She was dressed in a strange black and red goth outfit. She had a red cloak that was very well-worn but clearly loved and taken care of. Most notable to the two criminals however was the scroll in one hand and the strange compact device on her hip that was, without a doubt, a weapon. A hunter's weapon.

A huntress-in-training had their highly sensitive scroll and information.

Which meant she probably had a team nearby.

Neo activated her semblance, leaving an image of herself still facing away from the girl and began to slowly approach the girl while stealthed, her intent clear.

Surprise, retrieve, subdue.

However, before she could pounce the girl in red coughed, still waiting for them to respond. Roman took lead to distract her for Neo.

"Is there something I can do for you kid?" he asked, acting as innocent as possible.

"U-uhm... W-well I uh have this," she indicated the scroll by shaking it, clearly showing she knew what it was and why it was so important. She clearly thought she was acting innocent by stuttering and pretending to be nervous. Ha! As if!

"A-and I know you dropped it," now she was taunting them too!? What a terrible nuisance!

"S-so I uh, well—I mean uhm..." she was about to call her teammates for the ambush! Roman and Neo tensed, and with a nod from the gentleman thief Neo jumped to strike down the huntress—

"YOUDROPPEDTHISABOUTAMILEBACKANDIPICKEDITUPFORYOUI'MSORRYFORTHEINCONVENIENCE!" she shouted in one breath, breathing a sigh of relief once she was done.

Neo's eyes widened upon hearing this and she changed directions at the last second, having dived at the girl from behind and crashed into her own semblance making it seem as though she simply fell over.

"Um, are you ok?" the girl in red asked.

Neo got up and dusted herself off, trying to hide the small tint of embarrassment on her face and nodded. Neo then turned her back once again to the girl and started frantically waving her hands around.

"Okay I get it! My bad!" he huffed as he turned to the gothic girl, "uh, thanks for finding this for me Red. You don't seem to know who I am however," Roman said as he walked towards the girl.

The girl in turn stepped forward without a care in the world and held out the lost device cheerily, smiling a small, sheepish smile.

"I, uh, was raised on Patch and haven't been to the city much so I'm sorry that I don't know you," she finished with an awkward and shy laugh that petered out at the end.

Roman reached out tentatively at first, still not believing that this girl didn't know him (Him! The most handsome and clever thief in Vale!) and grabbed the scroll from her hand. After he had it she simply put her hand down and stepped back. Roman huffed a small laugh before Neo elbowed him in the ribs (little bastard) and nodded her head towards the short girl.

"Ugh, yeah I know, I'm not mannerless you know?" Roman said as he looked back toward the now nicknamed 'Red' and tipped his hat with a little bow, "thanks for returning this Red, we just worried sick about finding it!" Neo rolled her eyes. Even genuine gratitude from Roman sounded like he just stole something from you and was laughing at you for letting it happen.

"It's no problem! You two would probably do the same!" Red said waving off the thanks and rubbing the back of her head.

"Probably not," both crooks thought after she had said so. They were about to turn tail and leave but before they could Red asked them another question.

"Are um, are you two hunters?" she asked looking... excited? Not wanting to deal with any chance of problems Roman did one of the things he did best; he lied.

"Yes we are actually! We just came back from a mission to uh... take out some goons in the seedier parts of town and I guess my scroll fell out during all the action!" Roman explained, Neo nodding along and winking at the end. Hopefully that would end any questioning the girl had.

"C-can I..." Red mumbled off at the end, poking her index fingers together. Roman groaned, and waved his hand in a 'get on with it' motion.

"Can I get your autographs!?" she exclaimed, her eyes now alight and her hands near her face. Roman swore he almost cracked a tooth from how hard he slammed his jaw shut to stop himself from laughing. This was absolutely unbelievable! He looked to Neo and she was just barely keeping herself standing, having no shame in silently laughing and bent over herself with joy. There was no way he could pass up this opportunity!

"Well of course you can!" Roman chuckled, Neo nodding at an incredible speed. The girl squealed, squealed at the prospect of his and Neo's autographs. She whipped around and before either could blink she held up a piece of paper and a pen to his face. Huh, fast kid.

Roman signed the flashiest and most pristine signature that he'd ever signed, and topped it off with a little drawing of a bowler hat over the 'R' in Roman. Neo then took the piece of paper and put her signature and then put a kiss right on top, leaving a light pink lipstick stain and drew a small ice cream cone at the end of her full name 'Neo Politan' then handed it back to Red. The hooded girl excitedly looked over the page and giggled at their little doodles and flair. She then read the names aloud.

"Roman Torchwick and Neo Politan? Wow, your names even sound like hunter names!" she said amazed at the two. By this point Roman's aura was the only thing keeping him from biting his tongue clean off and Neo had given up on staying upright and was on the ground again. Red looked at her with concern and then up to him with a questioning glance. He simply waved it off and she shrugged.

"Well kid, it's been great but Neo and I really gotta get going," Roman said, helping Neo up and walking past the girl, "if you keep trying hard, you may become great hunters like me and Neo here!" he may have been milking it but really, when would he get this chance again?

"You really think so!?" Red asked, a twinkle in her eyes that just screamed 'say it's true!'

"I know so!" And just like that Neo had fallen over again, almost bringing Roman with her. Red just pumped her fists and smiled making Neo laugh harder.

"My name is Ruby, by the way! Ruby Rose!" the now named Ruby said with respect, even going so far as to salute! That was enough, Roman finally bent over and weezed. It was too damn good to be true!

"Are you okay Mr. Torchwick?" Ruby questioned worriedly, making Roman weez harder. Cannot give this away! He thought.

"I-it's nothing," he said gasping for breath and hiding the weezing as part of a coughing fit, "I smoke and this just happens sometimes." That wasn't a full on lie, sometimes when he was taking a drag of one of his cigars he would breath in the wrong way and start hacking up a storm, much to Neo's chagrin.

"Oh! Like my uncle Qrow! He drinks his happy juice and it makes him fall over a lot!" Ruby said with confidence, as though she had uncovered a great secret, "I guess all those ads on TV were right!" This girl was the gift that keeps on giving.

"Ahem, well. Farewell and goodnight Red! Remember to keep on keeping on!" Roman shouted as he and Neo began walking off. Ruby shouted a 'goodbye Mister Torchwick and Neo' before they rounded the corner and could finally breathe normally. That was the best laugh he'd had in a long, long time. He really needed it too after all the hell Cinder was putting him through.

"Damn that was gold," he sighed as Neo nodded her agreement, "but we still have that shop to rob tomorrow and we can't be relaxing now." Neo deflated a bit at the prospect of work. Originally she wasn't going to rob stores with Roman, but increases hunter activity around the city had them both a little on edge about getting caught by the wrong kind of people. After all, Cinder said she wouldn't bail them out if they got caught by hunters and arrested.

"Relax Neo, it'll all be fine, we'll make it out of this like always," Roman comforted, patting her on the head, "now let's go get some rest. It was a long day today." She nodded and the two walked off to relax and prepare for the job. A job that would seem so normal to them, and yet would change everything.

Ruby walked away from Roman and Neo. They were so cool! Not only were they super nice and gave her their autographs, but they were always smiling! That's the kind of huntress she wanted to be! The kind that could always smile, no matter what! Like there's some joke that just keeps getting funnier and it just makes you laugh more!

As Ruby was lost in her thoughts, the windows of a nearby club exploded outwards, a wave of heat flowing out from the building followed by a charred but living man crashing into the ground in front of her. The man, almost seven feet tall, groaned something about 'karma' and then passed out. A figure opened the double doors, only for them to fall off their hinges and topple over. The person shrugged, moving their luxurious blonde hair out of their face and dusting off their brown jacket and—wait a minute...

"Yang?" Ruby asked. It was definitely her sister. Standing strong until she noticed who it was that called her name.

"Ruby!? What are you doing out here!?" the blonde asked, nervous that her sister would ask questions she didn't have the answer to.

"Well, I just returned a scroll to this really cool huntsman and huntress, and I think the huntress was his daughter or niece or something, but they were super nice and― hey wait a minute, nuh uh! What are you doing!?" Ruby asked realizing she had almost gotten sidetracked recounting the last hour or so.

"Ruby, please, please don't tell dad about this," Yang pleaded, going so far as to clasp her hands together.

"Hmm, I dunno..." Ruby trailed off looking apprehensive. She stuck the tip of her boot to the ground and pivoted her leg off it back and forth. Three... Two... One...

"I'll buy you cookies at the bakery nearby!" Yang bargained, knowing that it'd work. It always works.

"Okay!" Ruby exclaimed, acting as though she wouldn't have kept the secret regardless (because come on, she's my sister!). Ruby laughed internally, knowing that her trick would work. It always works.

"Well, c'mon then Rubes, the bakery's close by. You can tell me about these hunters in the meantime" Yang proposed, glad that she didn't have to worry about her dad finding out about her club smashing.

"Okay! Well, their names were Roman Torchwick and Neo! And they..." Ruby kept talking but Yang was trying to think of where she'd heard that name before. I swear he's famous for something. Damn, growing up on Patch really put Rubes and I out of the loop. Well, it didn't matter. Her sister found something to be excited for and that was enough for her.

As they walked to the bakery, neither seemed to notice the wanted poster with a mugshot of a ginger haired man holding a sign that read 'Roman Torchwick'.

And that's the first chapter! I know it's short, but I'll do what I can to make them longer in the future! For now, please comment and follow! Don't be afraid to tell me what you think so far! For now thanks for reading! And have a lovely time!