I OWN NOTHING

Who is your favorite W.I.T.C.H. girl? You can say Elyon or Susan if you feel like it. For me, I'd say Irma in personality and Hay Lin and Taranee in looks – Cornelia and Will in looks in their Guardian form.

BIG THANKS to Harpra, the new beta-writer for this fic. He helped here and there and gave me some very good ideas. I hope you enjoy this chapter.

X-X-X-X-X

The slamming of the jail door rang out through the dungeons deep below Phobos' castle. Frigid iron scrapped against itself as the only easy way out the nightmarish prison was once more sealed. With the noise of the solid lock only eclipsed by the soft footsteps of the pale man who made this place so feared.

Many captives scurried farther into the cells to avoid the serpentine gaze of the man. These where the most well behaved of the guests, those smart enough to give up hope and willingly spend the rest of their days huddled in fear. They could at least feel caress of the stale wind through the putrid hallways. Unlike the ones deeper down the pit, who were about to receive as visit from Orochimaru.

The rebel leader, Caleb, was kept in one such vault, or at least what was left of the man. While his body remained in one piece, his mind sometimes struggled to believe that he was still alive. The brown haired fifteen-year-old boy was chained down, face up on an operating table. A hateful mercy for his back, still raw from the last time he was visited. At least it wasn't the wall again.

Stripped of all but a simple pair of pants, leaving his once tan skin to slowly pale under what little light there was. His body aching for a full breath, as this far down the air was so stagnant that his own ragged breaths are enough to send the flames dancing on few rotten smelling candles that lined the walls.

The click of a door announced Orochimaru's arrival, the man, if you could call him such, was even more pale than his patient. He walked to the table, a cup of water delicately held in his hand. Caleb looked at the vessel with suspicion.

"Don't worry, mister rebel leader," the snake man hissed out as pleasantly as a cobra could. "I have no intention of poisoning you, dear Caleb."

"Lies, and don't...huff...call me that..." the boy nearly hacked and wheezed.

"Adding anything to your body now might ruin the experiment."

A hollow comfort for the teenager as the cup was placed nearby, "If you think I'd...huff...give out a friend of mine...for a cup of...hack! Water, you're...sadly mistaken..." Caleb's dry throat and the cold steel choker didn't help him intimidate the man.

"Oh, but I need to keep you somewhat healthy as my guest..." he was patted by the white-skinned man and glared while the prince's assistant chuckled at the futility of his anger, "One last chance," Orochimaru said, bending down to the captive. "Where are your rebel friends?"

The silence that followed was soon broken as the pale man began the procedure. Producing bright, colorful vials, the dark-haired man pulled out tubes with long syringes. Caleb only got to feel a piece of cotton dab some alcohol on his skin before being rudely stabbed. His arms, chest and other soft, non-vital areas were swiftly nailed by the needles. At least his bindings made sure he didn't move, although even then Orochimaru was skilled enough to hit the right spot.

"Grr...what're you..." Caleb croaked, hatefully glaring as the man set the vials up on an IV stand.

"I need you healthy for a while, boy, it doesn't mean I can't see if my new formula can't get those answers the prince craves," Orochimaru chortled to himself. "Please, feel free to enjoy this brand of cocktails. I'm trying to figure out which can keep a body alive and properly fed... I shall be back."

After that, the boy was left to breathe, for it was all he could do after the awful experiments. A tray of vials, each filled to the top, lied next to his head. No amount of intelligence was needed to know what'd happen once the pale man returned when the stuff pumped into his veins ran dry. There were several that Caleb would have liked to have rasped out as Phobos' assistant left, but he chose to remain silent. His green eyes watched as his captor left. An edge remaining in his tired gaze.

Phobos himself was pleased by the methods, so he greeted his assistant with a grin while seated on his throne, "Orochimaru, what of our little friend? Is he ready?"

"Patience, sire, he shall talk sooner than later. My new concoction has worked so far, but I need to keep him alive..." he hissed and clutched an arm, "This body of mine is slowly..." he growled at the end, but smiled nonetheless with his eyes shut, "Sorry, sire. Just allow this to me. Grant me the wish I have of seeing all magic in the universe become a single man's own."

"So far your methods have worked wonders..." Phobos said as he stood up, walking down the steps of his throne, "However, the Guardians and that family you mentioned are all that stand in my way. I am impatient regarding your plans for them."

"Kukuku...worry not, my prince." Orochimaru stood up, "I have in mind one of my own to test them, see their limits. If the Heart chose those girls, they must have potential worth seeing. And I'm willing to bet my existence once fully awakened, it shall grant you far more power than it ever did to all of its previous owners."

Phobos smirked at the idea, "Do tell."

"Destiny or not, that family is willing to train and help those girls unleash their power... And to use the power of their own spirits, their souls, and perhaps even learn of the true nature and might of the spirits... Ah, sire, it'd be a limitless pool of magic. We must deal with the family first."

Phobos certainly liked that, if his wide smirk matching Orochimaru's snake-like maw said anything.

X-X-X-X-X

Meanwhile, all five Guardians stumbled along to their table at the cafeteria like the undead.

Will was the first to be vocal, "I can't even lift my own soul... How am I lifting this tray?"

Irma grunted with shut eyes, "Family bonding is hardcore with those guys."

Taranee whimpered, "Can we call in sick? Maybe say we'd date... No, not that desperate."

Cornelia groaned, "That woman is downright dangerous, scary, and...just downright crazy."

Hay Lin sighed deeply, "Grandma says it'll do us good... But my blisters have blisters."

Dropping their trays unceremoniously on the table at the same time, they let their bottoms hit the seats as dryly and dully. If not for the fact they valued their clothes and wouldn't stain them, most if not all of them would've face-planted their food. Will's eyes failed to remain up, her hands didn't stop shaking, and parts of her body she didn't know existed ached. The rest of the girls had similar cases of exhaustion. Taranee looked like she needed a good sleep, Irma had forgotten to do he hair properly, Cornelia wore flat shoes instead of heels, and Hay Lin looked ready to cry.

"Trust me, it can and will get worse." Naruto said as he passed by them.

"Such encouragement...to find a new dimension to live in." Irma replied and dropped her head on the table after moving her tray out of the way of her face.

Calmly taking an apple, he tossed it up and down as he spoke, "You get used to it, eventually." The apple was bit into at the end of his sentence while he remained up.

"I didn't think learning and doing karate in slow-motion would be so tiring before the big moves." Will commented.

"At least you didn't have to find ways to lift boulders and juggle them." Cornelia shot back.

"I prefer that over dodge magic chains without the ability to fly." Hay Lin's voice mumbled sleepily.

"Perhaps if it wasn't as awkward, it'd be less tiresome, mental exhaustion is a thing." Taranee said, barely restraining a yawn at the end.

"Trust me, my dad and I are trying to get her to stop." Naruto whispered, not wanting anyone else to hear the topic.

Cornelia aimed a finger at his face, "Listen, if you get us some time to relax and everything then I can present you to a good friend of mine. She's sweet as honey and can get your crazy mom to cease all insane hooking up plans. You'd need a longer hair, though."

"I could get a ponytail if... What am I saying?" he grunted and rubbed his face with a palm, "Sorry."

Irma had the perfect reply, "If you're desperate enough to get a wig, it shows your mom needs a therapist...or a trip to a heavily padded room."

"I don't need a wig when... Never mind..." he shook his head and slid his hand down his face, "Just let me deal with her and find a proper girl on my own."

"If I ever get to her age, will I be as bad?" Will asked, furrowing her brow, "Although, mom is more focused on getting my grades up than getting me hitched."

Naruto gained a blank expression, "I envy you, Japan treats studying like religion, meaning either I keep my grades up or my parents find a way to make what you experienced a walk in the park."

"Wait..." a half-sleepy Hay Lin started, "You said you don't need a wig. Why's that?"

Cornelia frowned, "Out of all we said, that's what you..." she blinked in interest when her hair got into her view, "Okay, now I have to know."

"Eat and I can show you later." Naruto said after having finished his apple mid-talk, eating it whole. "See ya."

Every girl looked at each other for a second, "So, meeting at the Silver Dragon for ideas on how to make Mrs. Uzumaki drop her favorite topic?" Will commented after getting somewhat more awake.

"Aye..." her four new friends said just before they all had their faces on the table.

Leaving the guardians to a good rest, Naruto walked around the cafeteria until he spotted a girl. He took a wild guess and assumed she was Cornelia's friend. A petite, rather short blonde girl with her hair done in dual braids hanging on the front of her shoulders. Puberty had yet to get started, but a certain innocence and cuteness to her fair features, pale skin, and slim waist made him look. None of that mattered, though, because he could tell something was off just like he did with the quintet.

"Wait...three...six..." he mumbled as he counted, "Aren't there supposed to just be five?"

Holding his chin in thought, he pondered what to do…

The best option would be to go and get Hay Lin's granny to tell him what was going on, given that she seemed to know the most about the girls. Of course, he favored the easiest route, which was to just ignore the girl, and pray that his mother never found out about her. But that was, unfortunately, an unrealistic hope. Especially now that the girl had noticed him.

Her large grey eyes locked onto his form with curiosity. Before she looked away to gaze at Cornelia, who had yet to raise her head from the table. When the girl turned back to Naruto, he had taken the opportunity to disappear into a crowd, leaving her with a confused look on her face. Obviously, that had been Cornelia's good friend, the batter thought.

Keeping watch of the girl from a distance as she moved to check on the earth guardian, she was definitely the cute noble type, "Did the new guy just look our way? I think I saw him around." Even her voice sounded sweet.

"Huh?" Will asked, bringing her head up from the table sleepily. "Who, what...?"

"Are you girls...feeling sick or something?" the braided girl asked with worry.

"Elyon, give me five hours after class to sleep this off..." Cornelia muttered. "I'm exhausted. We just went through... Uh..." she was so tired she just realized she had been about to spill the beans.

"A new gym trial!" Irma beamed awkwardly at her lie, forcing herself to remain perky, "See, there's this gym we found but it turned out to be too hardcore. Definitely do not go there!"

"Wow, it must have been quite the workout if you all look so dead... Wait, did you all go together?" Elyon was somewhat sharp, at least smart enough to realize that little oddity.

"It was some sort of promotion-thingy..." Taranee lied tiredly, "Bring friends for a free trial..."

"Don't come anywhere near us or that place, it's going to kill you..." Hay Lin mumbled before softly caressing the table like one would a pillow.

"At least you girls got the hang of things quickly." Will said dejectedly.

"Sheesh, now I kinda feel bad for what we put them through..." Naruto muttered on his hiding spot before a sad idea came to him, "Wait, is mom trying to...? Oh, she's good..." he had a dread-filled face once realization set in.

X-X-X-X-X

"Kushina, you are trying to make our son bond with those girls by helping to lessen their training, aren't you?" Minato asked his wife after the two drove outside the city to an abandoned cave near the sea away from any bystander's line of sight.

Brushing him off with a wave of her hand, she just smiled when entering the cave, "I want to see a couple grandchildren soon, can you blame me?"

Minato became Kurama, sighing as he walked into the cave, "Honey, he's still a kit- Er, kid."

Pouting like a little girl, she looked away with her arms crossed, "Well, so were we when we dated."

"Both of us had to deal with evil spirits and your fighting. Kids should have fun, not get into that kind of scenario. We are lucky we get along as well as we do after the adrenaline died down."

"I know, but..." Kushina sighed miserably, dropping her arms when her husband's tails hugged her in a comforting embrace, "I...I still miss them. Mom, dad, grandma... I really wish I could've seen a lot more of my relatives, perhaps get siblings and-"

"Dear, you got me and Naruto, and we're not going anywhere." Minato said in his human form, "I do want you to take it easy. It'll happen when it happens, and you can have a big family again."

"Yup!" Kushina forced herself to smile brightly, "And hey, those girls better take my advice and do their best to get with my boy! He's gonna make a great hubby as well as an awesome dad thanks to us, isn't he!?"

"Yes, but in due time..." Minato took another breath and looked around, "Well, it seems this place is good enough. I can fit and fight here without much trouble."

"Good, then we can begin training newbies and planting the seeds of love!" Kushina beamed with genuine joy.

Her husband sighed again, "I...I tried, son..." he mentally begged Naruto for forgiveness.

Back at Sheffield Institute, Naruto waited for the girls to get out of classes before stopping them. A single second was all they needed to realize what nightmare awaited them. None of them had the face of happiness and joy. Although Elyon had quite the curious cat expression.

"Hey, Elyon, right?" he asked suddenly, making her eyes widen with interest.

"Yes, that's me. Is something the matter?" she asked and mentally noted he was handsome. Not as tall as she liked her men, and he lacked on having longer hair, but he was cute. Better than her last boyfriend. Sadly, teenage drama didn't last at the age she had.

Telling himself all that and sighing inwardly, Naruto lowered his cap to hide his eyes and speak as naturally as he could, "Is there any place you'd like to go out with me? You know, on a date." He'd lie if he said he hadn't tried to be charming, but it was hard to smile.

Elyon mimicked a fish out of water perfectly, "Wha..."

"Whoa, hold on!" Cornelia was wide-awake as she dragged Naruto by the shoulders, "Wait just five freaking seconds and explain yourself!" she was followed by the other girls, leaving behind an utterly confused braided teenager.

Being pushed into an empty room by five amazing-bodied teenage girls was any boy's dream once they reached puberty. Naruto questioned if that dream was a siren song and thus his life was about to hit a rock and sink. However, he knew what the problem would be, so he tried to calm them by raising his hands defensively and waiting for the questions.

"Aren't you the guy who didn't want to date anyone?" Will asked in confusion. "Why the change of heart?"

"Listen, I have some knowledge in magic and your friend Elyon seems human...but she isn't."

"Hey, you're talking about my childhood and best friend!" Cornelia exclaimed with narrowed eyes.

"Wait, don't go all momma bear on him yet, Corny." Irma told her with a helpful, soothing shoulder patting, "If anything, he could be smelling some... I don't know, magic garlic from her breakfast."

"That, and I think I can kill two birds with one stone." Naruto started.

"Go on and don't say anything I don't like." Cornelia warned him.

"Let's make sure Elyon isn't some sort of sixth mythical Guardian who not even Granny Lin knows, or if she's traced by some spirit of sorts, alright?" Naruto hated the way Cornelia looked distraught, she must really love Elyon. Thus, he explained himself, "The way I see it, she's got some powerful, if not downright terrifying connection to magic. Maybe she's got an amulet or is secretly like me. I'm just going to see what's happening with her."

"By making out with her?" Will asked with a quirked eyebrow.

"Give me some credit, I'm not like most human boys." Naruto argued, although he had questionable reading material... "Okay, I am a boy, but I know my priorities."

Taranee thought it over, "I think I see the logic, he can break up with her if nothing's wrong. Elyon's had some...bad calls when choosing dates already. Um, no offense."

"None taken... I actually deserve that." Naruto looked up at the ceiling, as if questioning his life.

Hay Lin got impatient, "So... what's the second bird you're hitting with that imaginary stone you just carry around?"

Looking away, the blond sighed, "If I go out with a girl, mom may give you girls a break."

Irma clapped and then did finger-gun gestures at the blond, "I like this idea, I love it, and I will marry it! Yes to it all the time!"

Cornelia glared at her, "Oh sure, it's not your best friend dating some magical fox."

"Hey, you can check on us and I'll keep you informed of anything I find, I swear." Naruto said with his hands up, "Also, you could pretty much tell her I'm dating one of you at the same time as her."

Will was surprised by such honesty, "Whoa, you're really willing to get THAT hated?"

"I hunt down evil spirits, my reputation's going to get highs and lows as I go." Naruto retorted with a deadpan expression.

Irma looked at her friends, "Elyon could use a boyfriend after the fiasco with the last one... Also, I'd love less hints from Mrs. Uzumaki on what our ideal guy is."

Cornelia groaned, unhappy but seeing the point, "Fine, but if you break her heart, I will bury you in the center of the planet." Naruto was unfazed by her glare – his mother's was worse – but nodded.

Hay Lin sighed sadly, "Aw, it feels bad doing this, but...hm, maybe it could be like one of those movies where they fall in love."

Taranee added her vote, "Questionable means, but the result should be worth it... I hope."

Will looked at Naruto and nodded, "You're breaking the news to your mom. Now, what to tell Elyon regarding you dating her? Wait, will she even accept?"

Naruto furrowed his brow, "Don't girls just say yes to dates?"

Every Guardian stared at him in pure disbelief, "You've never dated anyone?" Will asked with some fear in her voice.

"You just ask, right?" Naruto replied cross-armed with a shrug.

"Oh goodness gracious alive, the plan's doomed." Taranee mumbled with her palm on her face.

Then there was a knock at the door, "Hey, new guy... Um... I don't know what Cornelia's telling you about not breaking my heart, but you look like a swell guy. Do you want to go to a sweet theme park you should check out?"

"Sure!" Naruto replied bashfully, blushing slightly.

Cornelia blinked in surprise, "Wow...and here I thought we'd have to grow your hair if she refused."

"Alright, so, while you guys train with my parents and...sort of break out the news to the-" Naruto was too happy in attempting to leave to mask his second intentions.

"Wait there, buster, you're not shoving this on our hands to waltz away." Irma glared.

Naruto deadpanned, "Do you want to skip your training for today? Mom's bound to chase me just to see what girl I'm dating and what I'm doing."

Irma opened her mouth to reprimand him, then furrowed her brow, "Oh, you're good."

Taranee wrinkled her nose, "Are you sure she won't be mad she didn't get the news from you and will...you know, make the training harder?"

Cornelia sighed, "That woman's been trying to force us to date her son. She's going to be ecstatic."

Hay Lin felt a realization hit her like a truck, "Wait, is that why you don't want to tell her? Are you too...shy to do it?"

Naruto blushed and turned away, "Oi, that woman's been pestering me since I was a kid to meet a cute girl. Give me a break."

Will blinked in surprise, "Wow, this is...surprisingly more innocent than I thought it'd be."

Cornelia sighed, "Alright, just so you know. Elyon loves sketching, is fond of animals, and thinks our world could be better with more movies starring Vance Michael Justin."

"The latter's all Corny here." Irma corrected the blonde girl. "Just impress her with your skills. Trust me, we girls do like a guy who is good at what he loves."

Hay Lin got excited, "Oh, since we're giving advice, perhaps I can get you new threads!"

Taranee decided to be the voice of reason, "Girls, shouldn't we let Elyon see her date already? She's bound to be suspicious of all this talking in secret."

"Fine." Will agreed, "Just call us if anything happens that you need help with, Naruto. Um, do you have a cellphone or are you still unsure of how technology works?"

"Hey, I'm not that clueless." Naruto said and pulled out his phone.

"Just making sure, sorry, Mister Magic Fox."

"Magic Fox?" Elyon decided then and there to get in.

"Oh, that's his...um, nickname from back home, right?" Hay Lin said with a forced grin.

"Actually, it was." Naruto added with both eyebrows up in amusement, "Completely in English, too."

Elyon smiled at him, blushing slightly, "Cool, I've never dated a baseball player before, so now I can know why it's so much fun."

"Uh, sure. So, what's this theme park like?" he asked and offered the straw-haired girl his arm.

Elyon giggled – as did Hay Lin while her friends stared blankly – at his action of old-fashioned chivalry and took his arm with a grin, "Is this your first time asking a girl out?" the braided blonde asked.

"Yeah..." he admitted embarrassedly, his eyes shut tight.

"Come on, I'll show you the steps." Elyon blushed as she felt a more than decent amount of muscle under his long-sleeved t-shirt.

X-X-X-X-X

Beneath Phobos' castle but well above the screams from the dungeon, Orochimaru's yellow eyes stared through a crystal ball at a particular fox. His tongue snaked past his pale lips in contemplation. With the blond separating himself from the new Guardians to go off with a different girl the snake man had the perfect time to strike.

Standing, he started making his way toward a large cavern where loyal minions were allowed to gather. Being underground, the massive room was dark and cold. With the rough walls shaped by hand and horn, and the only light coming from the few candles on the occasional table. The perfect place for the depraved and vicious to gather and find nothing in common with each other.

As Orochimaru stepped through a simple door into the room only the shout of "shithead" alerted him to an incoming body which was slammed into the wall beside him. It brought the whole room to a startling silence in terror that the snake man may become angry.

Reaching down towards the struggling body, Orochimaru grabbed his long orange hair and pulled him upwards, locking eyes with his subordinate, "Jirobo, how good are you at blending in with humans?" the snake pleasantly hissed.

"I can do it, Lord Orochimaru." Jirobo, a massive humanoid monster, replied.

"Good, because here is your target...either capture or dispose of this boy."

Regarding said boy, he was carrying a corndog. Naruto enjoyed the theme park and its stands. The petite blonde at his side did, too. Partly because she was getting to go where she wanted for free, but she appreciated the gesture. Plus, he wasn't bad looking or mean and he was the main topic at school. Getting to know him felt too fun, plus, there was something odd about him as if calling her.

"Fried dough covering some mystery meat... You Americans really like this stuff?" he asked his date.

"Don't tell me you don't have stuff this amazing where you're from." Elyon said teasingly.

"Well, there is one..." Naruto bit into the treat, "Hm, not bad, but it doesn't beat takoyaki."

"Taco yucky?" she echoed with an eyebrow higher than the other.

"Octopus put in little bite-sized balls made of baked dough... If you get the right sauce, it's freaking amazing." Naruto explained as the two ate their food.

"Sounds odd and yummy..." Elyon sighed, "Makes me wish my parents and I traveled a lot more."

Attempting to not narrow his eyes at the revelation, he tried to be smart, "Sounds a lot like me... I eventually left a little island when I was young. Maybe you'll do so one day or another."

"You lived in an island? How was that? Did you fish a lot? Play in small leagues?" Elyon asked with a curious smile.

Rubbing the back of his head, he tried to not tell her too much, "It was small but my parents were there, and we visited the mainland often. It wasn't until I saw my first baseball game with them that I wanted to be a player. I even got a baseball signed by their ace batter."

"Oh, how good are you, then?" she asked and then mock-winced, "Because I did have an ulterior if not at all evil motive to get you here." Pointing to a stand, she aimed her index finger at a particular toy, a stuffed white bunny with a cute golden crown, "See that plushie?"

"The one with the ears down?" he asked, getting a nod.

"Yup, I've wanted it for a while but I swear the game's rigged. How good's your throwing arm to see if they are pulling our legs or not?" she smiled brightly, making him chortle and roll around his right shoulder with a confident smile.

"One bunny coming up." Naruto approached the man behind the stand, "Hey, how much for a try?"

The man defined sleazy if one had a dictionary. Bushy curly mustache, a burly gut, and a clown suit complete with a red nose, a large green grin, and a flat hat. His beard, disheveled outfit and a smile which was perfectly acted didn't throw off Naruto. Like his father, being a kitsune meant he could call a bluff with ease.

Juggling out some baseballs, the man faced him, "Ah, welcome, customers, it's a dollar for 3 tries. But be warned, those are lead bottles there. They are heavy and need a skilled hand and a strong arm to be knocked over. Knock all the stacks bottles with one shot each and the bunny's yours."

"I can do that." Naruto said and put down a bill. Smirking, the clown handed him a baseball, which the boy weighted, "Heavier than regular baseballs..."

"Oh, it's not fun if it's not challenging, is it?" the clown smirked.

"Good luck." Elyon said.

Naruto tossed the ball up and down and eyed his target. Ten lead bottles stood to his right, another ten to his left, and yet another set in the middle. Knocking the clown had some trick up his sleeves, Naruto decided to use regular human strength for the first toss. He didn't get into a stance, he just stood in front of the targets and tossed it like a kid would.

And the baseball bounced off, though it made the bottles wobble, "Wow, nice try, but put a little if not much more force behind your arm."

Rolling around his shoulder, Naruto looked at the clown, Elyon frowning, "See, I told you..." she said in a soft whisper so the man didn't hear her.

Smiling at her, he got confident, "Don't worry, I'm learning." Naruto tossed up another baseball in the air, caught it, and tossed it with a plain amateurish throw.

He nailed one at the tip, "Oh, close enough, you nearly knocked the top one!" Hearing the clown cheer didn't slow down Naruto, who tossed the last ball at the lowest bottle of one set and saw all ten shake before returning to their place, "Sorry, boy, I did tell you they were heavier than regular bottles. Say, I like you... Do you want to try again? I'll even give you a tip."

"No need." Naruto told him and tilted down his hat, hiding his blue eyes in the shadows of its trim.

After handing the man another dollar, he had Elyon worrying, "Hey, no need to go all out for me."

"Don't worry, I won't need a third try." Naruto smirked, bringing up his knee like a professional.

The clown chuckled, unconcerned by the development, "Ah, a pitcher, well, this should be fun, ah-hyuck." Then he stepped on a button under the counter, activating a powerful magnet under the bottles which kept all of them in place.

Shifting his body as he twisted his hip, loosened his wrist, and threw faster than a bullet, Naruto's throw shocked Elyon and the clown as wind whirled around him! "URYA!" the blond shouted at the top of his lungs and blasted all 10 bottles from one set like a shotgun would regular plastic ones.

"What the what..." the clown stuttered on his next words while Naruto casually grabbed another baseball and made it spin around his wrist with a flick of his thumb.

"DERYA!" and another 10 bottles flew into the air, "YOSHA!" his battle cries got Elyon excited as the last set of lead targets were knocked like bowling pins.

"Yeah! One bunny, please!" the girl cheered, looking at the clown with a truly joyful face.

"Um, yes, here...you go..." the stunned clown said as he handed her the prize.

And, off to the side...

"Shouldn't we let your son have fun?" Hay Lin asked the eccentric redhead while seven pairs of eyes had trouble remaining behind a bench, a trash can, and a lamp post.

"Oh shush, we're training you on stealth!" Kushina said, proudly smirking, "If you can follow my boy without him noticing, you're golden. Also, it's this or my special training."

The Guardians sweated at the falsely sweet smile she gave them as her hair moved, "This, please!"

"That's what I thought." Kushina beamed, her hair lowering itself.

"How did I get roped into this?" Minato asked with a sigh.

"Now I'm sure we sold Elyon's soul..." Will muttered.

"No, you haven't." Kushina said, getting slightly serious, "He's got a good nose. She has something hidden in plain sight."

"Unlike us..." Cornelia sighed, but then looked at the two, "Although, he's doing something right... It's the first time I see her so happy with a boy."

Irma had a vague recollection of the past, "I thought she was the shy, socially awkward type, but she did date someone, right?"

Taranee decided to give a voice to timid people, "It's not...unusual for introverts to like to talk to a person they feel comfortable with. Plus, he's trying..."

"Little jealous you didn't take your chances?" Kushina asked with an amused smile and a glint in her eyes, to which Minato sighed upon seeing Taranee blush.

"Honey, please, we're breaking all rules of being parents doing this."

"Just keep your distance, our son has yet to increase his radius for detecting magical entities."

As for the odd dating duo, Elyon brought them to her next choice.

"Funhouse?" Naruto asked as he read the name out loud.

"Yup, they're full of tricks and fun to get lost in." Elyon told him at their first stop.

The blond batter turned to her with a cocked eyebrow, "What's the difference between this and some haunted mansion?"

"In this there isn't any scary stuff." Elyon answered and pulled her date to the stand.

"Whoa!" he yelped upon nearing the place which had a massive clown face at the entrance. "What is it with you Americans and clowns?"

"Well, they are fun, if...creepy." Elyon admitted shyly. "They're supposed to make you laugh, but I know some people like being scared. Not my thing, but I kinda get why, though. This place is what I classify as the scariest thing I can handle."

"Any other scary things you'd like to share?" he asked interested.

"Why? To say the cliché line where you keep me safe from them?" she asked, blushing slightly as she did hope he'd say it.

"Just to get to know you." Naruto half-lied and half told the truth, "Besides, I don't need to make a promise like that when I know I can do it."

Elyon giggled, gaining a pink tint on her cheeks, "You're such a dork, but a good dork. Come on, let's get in!" she beamed and dragged him again into the funhouse.

"Wow...good job, son." Minato whispered with some binoculars in his hands he won from the same stand Naruto got Elyon her new bunny plushy.

"Ugh, now I feel a little jealous." Cornelia admitted through clenched teeth and a blush, "Also, do not say anything, lady."

"Aw, but being a mom means I get to tease people." Kushina fake-whined and faux-pouted.

"Honey, don't...please don't." Minato pleaded.

"Fine."

X-X-X-X-X

"Interesting architecture, but I can work with it." Jirobo said.

Currently disguised as a tall, fat human teen with short tufts of orange hair on his mostly bald head, a round face with chubby cheeks, and simple clothes making him look like a punk. A black tank top with slacks and sandals, plus some aviator glasses. Human fashion wasn't his forte. Some people at the theme park gave him looks but tried to ignore him.

"After you." Naruto said to Elyon and she happily got into the rotating tunnel.

Narrowing his eyes, Jirobo clicked his tongue, "Tch... a spirit fox. It makes me sick how nonchalant he can be among humans." Placing a hand on the funhouse, he let the two dating blondes enter as the concrete merged with his bare skin, letting his fingers sink in.

"Come on, don't be scared!" Elyon cheered with a giggle when placing her hands on the tunnel to not fall.

Naruto sighed as he followed her, "I'm entering a giant clown's mouth for a girl." He said still at the entrance, and that was when he sensed Jirobo. "What?"

Turning, he saw the smirking servant of Orochimaru sink his arm further into the funhouse. "Hey!" Without thinking, Naruto was quick to dash in and grab Elyon bridal style in a single leap, "Whoa... Aren't you being a bit too forward?" she asked with a blush, not that she disliked the feeling or the surprise, "Wait, how'd you just...jump in?"

Naruto looked at the entrance as a set of swinging pendulums with inflatable clown heads swung back and forth behind them, "Sorry, I thought you...were about to fall." He lied while examining the tunnel for any sign that Jirobo could come in. Putting her down, he whispered, "Did you see a fat if not downright silly guy with a horrible hairdo?"

"Who?" she asked with increasing concern.

"Is there someone following you?" he tried to be clearer while she grew alarmed.

"No, was that guy you mentioned doing anything?" she asked timidly.

"I think we ought to get out before-" Naruto started, then got cut off.

"Don't bother." Jirobo's soft voice said from everywhere and nowhere in particular. "I got you right where I wanted you." At his command, the entrance was cut off by a rising wall.

"Ah!" Elyon yelped while Naruto kicked his own ass for getting her in trouble.

"How'd he...never mind, let's go!" he carried her bridal style again and ran to the next room.

Outside the funhouse, the Guardians plus Minato and Kushina watched the door get closed with a large latch made of concrete. None of the other visitors at the theme park seemed to make heads or tails of what happened but weren't as concerned. They just treated it as the attraction closing for renovations while the staff seemed just as confused as them.

"There he is!" Minato exclaimed, pointing at Jirobo.

Said orange-haired minion growled, "It seems I must go." He leaned into the wall as all seven rushed at him, sinking into it with a dull glare.

"Did that guy just turned the wall into mud?" Taranee asked and, cautiously, poked the concrete. It didn't move, "Wait, it's solid again."

Minato tapped it from the side with his knuckles, "No, he's using his own magic for the whole thing. He's turned the funhouse into as much a part of him as anything with rocks. Seems this is an ogre."

"An ogre as in big teeth, eat goats and get killed by valiant knights?" Hay Lin asked incredulously.

"Naruto can handle one, but if he's got magic like this..." Kushina bit her thumb, then turned to an also panicking Cornelia.

"Is that tub of lard does anything to Elyon, I swear I'll-"

"You can do something about it!" Kushina said, then turned to Will.

"Wait, shouldn't we train some more before fighting a monster?" the younger redhead asked with a slight shake to her voice.

"Sometimes you need to run before you walk, and this guy's magic could regenerate any holes we put into this place." Minato said trying to be both encouraging and telling them they had no choice.

"Magic pixie time it is, then." Irma said with a smile as nervous as the others.

As for Naruto and Elyon, the girl looked lost.

"Do you think he's a stalker or...?" she trembled at the bad thoughts crossing her head.

"Let's get you to a safe place first, then I can ask him a few things." Naruto said as seriously as one could in their situation.

"Just try it, it won't work." Jirobo said as he appeared in front of them at a room with rotating floor tiles. He walked slowly to them, menacingly, "In here you're as much a meal as you are just another random animal to get stomped."

"First of all...you look stupid with those shades." Naruto growled at him, putting Elyon behind him.

"Little punk..." Jirobo frowned but didn't do much more to convey being angry.

"Second, what do you want with her?" Naruto asked and extended an arm to shield the girl.

Jirobo smirked, a small crooked smile which just seemed spiteful with his blank face, "My name is Jirobo, and I have to make this short." Then he turned to the girl, "She's a bonus."

Suddenly, Naruto closed the distance between the two of them and punched him with all his might square in the gut, watching his fist sink in, "Elyon, run!" said girl clutched her bunny and did as told.

Once she was gone, Jirobo chuckled at Naruto, "Can't you sense it?" he asked mockingly. "I am not just here to fight you, I am devouring you."

"What?" Naruto asked before getting kneed. "Oof!" he grunted when being sent to roll five times, skidding on the last one to an unceremonious stop.

"You're trapped in a special spell of mine..." Jirobo explained as his body shifted, "I can eat away at any magic inside my rock prison. And you can't really compare to that girl. Soon, you'll be an empty husk." Said a towering red-skinned monster with a humanoid body, large tusks, and a wild mane of orange hair which went down to his waist. His outfit also changed into a pair of black shorts held up by a purple rope and a sleeveless purple tunic, somewhat reminding Naruto of a sumo wrestler.

"An ogre...no wonder you're so ugly." Naruto chortled as he got up.

"Little punk..." Jirobo frowned again.

"Also, eating magic?" Naruto asked and rolled around his neck, then stepped on the tips of his toes with a carefree grin, "That'd work if I was just a regular spirit, wouldn't it?"

"Hah, the only spirits who could survive this are far more powerful than you could ever hope to be even in your dreams." Jirobo kept that tiny smirk on his face and walked forward.

"I know five girls with as much magic as that, plus my dad." Naruto said with his hands up, holding up six fingers before raising a seventh, "My mom's human, though."

"What?" Jirobo asked with wide eyes.

"Meaning I don't run only on magic." Naruto smirked and threw his arm to the side, a cloud of smoke forming from his hand to summon his bat, "Nor do I need to rely on it to kick the continent you call an ass."

"Okay, I'm mad." The ogre said, getting into a sumo stance, "Let's see how good being a human gets you." Jirobo lunged at the fox and threw a right-handed palm strike with enough devastating force to make the air ripple.

"Ora!" and Naruto went low, stabbing Jirobo on the knee with his titanium bat.

Giving out a pained yelp, the red ogre fell on one knee with fire in his eyes, "Gah, you little punk, I will..." then, Jirobo gasped upon seeing him gone, "Where'd he..." he got up with a shaky leg, rage boiling inside him from the humiliation of the fox getting the best of him.

"So, you can feed off magic yet don't know where I am..." Naruto's voice came from everywhere as well as nowhere, annoying Jirobo. "Nah, I saw it. You can only affect rocks, right? Which is why this place helps me."

"Show yourself and stop being such a coward." Jirobo growled, eyes narrowed, "If you don't, I can and will find that girl and-"

"Bonk!" Naruto exclaimed as he landed on his shoulders and bashed him on the head like he was at the beach and Jirobo's skull was a watermelon. Hopping off, he disappeared again into the dark.

Jirobo started to get mad, "Argh, that little... Why is he so agile when I can feel his magic become a part of m-"

"Dum-dum!" Naruto cheered as he leaped into Jirobo's back, thwacked him twice with the bat, and jumped off to the shadows yet again.

"I'm looking right at you, how're you doing that!?" Jirobo finally snapped, showing his anger burst.

"Kick!" Naruto cheered, his heel smacking Jirobo's cheek, but the ogre retaliated with a backhanded punch, hard.

"Got you, you lit-" he exclaimed with a small smirk, then widened his eyes upon seeing a log fly and not Naruto's body, "Where'd he get t-"

"High kick!" Naruto cried joyously as he nailed the ogre on the face with another kick and vanished yet again. "Left!" he dashed at him with a swing of his bat, "Right!" then circled around him for yet another strike, "Center!" and finished it with a stab at his gut.

"That's it!" Jirobo snarled and brought up both palms.

"And you're-" before Naruto could come up with the most cliché of lines involving baseball, Jirobo smashed the ground with his hands, creating an earthquake which shook the entire park, "Whoa!"

Falling out of balance, Naruto rolled to a stop in front of the ogre, who smirked and lifted a heavy foot, "Stand down!" like a sumo wrestler, he brought down his heel to strike the ground, hoping to also smash Naruto's head like an overly ripe melon.

"Got him!" any happiness Jirobo could've had was swatted away when Hay Lin carried the blond in a bridal style, much to his shame.

"What are you... Is mom here!?" Naruto asked with some horror.

"How did you get here?" Jirobo asked furiously.

"Ew, talk about ugly with a capital ew." Irma winced at the sight of the monster.

"I'll-" Jirobo started, glaring at everyone. It was a short-lived moment of anger upon seeing the rest of the Guardians plus Minato and Kushina arrive. "Tsk, seems like I must retreat..."

"Oh no you won't!" Cornelia stomped the ground and threw a palm up, sending three rock pillars at the ogre which sent him flying into a wall. "You're not touching Elyon, you hear me!?"

"Gah-ha!" Jirobo cried breathlessly, the girl was furious.

"I am...seeing similarities between her and you, honey." Minato told his wife.

"If she's like this with a friend, I wonder what'd happen with kids." Kushina commented with a grin, "Anyway, hold him for me, girls."

"Like I'd let you use your-" Jirobo gasped, eyes wide, "My...my spell... Why... Why isn't it working? I am draining your magic... so why are you still up!?"

"First of all, the Heart and my husband are too much for someone like you." Kushina said and clasped her hands loudly in a sign, "Second, humans are made of things other than magic."

Biting her thumb, she scribbled a circle on the ground with her blood, terrifying Jirobo who tried to make a quick escape using the ground... Until being blasted by a jet of water by Irma.

Smirking, the brunette, kept applying pressure, "Stay there, big guy."

"I'm not going to fail Lord Orochimaru!" Jirobo snarled and hit the wall with the back of his fist. The entire funhouse shook again, making debris fall down.

"Girls, stay clear!" Taranee said, closing her eyes and pushing her hands up and forward, "Please work, please oh please work!" she felt the fire and instinctively let it go, blasting off all the falling bits of wood and concrete.

"Hey, you don't have to be so rude!" Hay Lin told Jirobo as he attempted yet another escape, took a deep inhale, and blew a gust of wind which pushed him back.

"Grr, to control your powers this well so soon... How...!?" he asked with gritted teeth.

"We've got good teachers!" Will said as she flew at him, a knee up. "And you tried to ruin our friend's date!" doing as she learned, she spun her body around with her knee up to her chest and extended her leg once her back was turned to Jirobo, sending her heel straight to his chin and rattling a couple teeth loose!

"Grrwaaaah!" Jirobo cried weakly as he fell backwards in a heap.

"Wow...did I...really do that?" Will asked, looking at her foot in shock.

"Painful hours of training do wonders." Kushina said as she finished a seal and slapped it with her palm, "Now watch and learn!"

Blood red chains erupted from the seal and coiled around the ogre, "AARGH!" he tried to break free, thrashing wildly to no avail, "What are you... What are you going to do to me!?" he asked with fear in his eyes while he wriggled in the chains.

"Putting you in a time out." Kushina said and pulled out a scroll from her dress.

"No... no, no, no! Don't you dare seal me in-" Jirobo started while Kushina calmly opened it.

"Goodbye." Naruto's mother beamed and threw the open scroll at him...only to see it cut in two!

"Is that supposed to happen?" Taranee asked fearfully, knowing the answer already.

"Someone's here!" Minato said and ran forward.

"Lord Orochimaru..." Jirobo sighed in relief as his body was freed from the chains.

Cornelia shrieked at the reason for his freedom, "Snakes! There's a ton of snakes!" she flew away at the sight of hundreds if not thousands of squiggling reptiles slithering around the seal to pull Jirobo out of sight.

"Kuhuhu, so these are the guardians..." said a hissing voice just when Minato caught a blade with his bare fangs, "And their teachers... Grr... You're quite strong for a fox..."

"Don't you dare attack my wife..." Minato growled in his full fox form, becoming Kurama made his glare harsher and terrifying.

It made the snake man step back with a long double-edged sword in hand, "I see fighting any of you together is a mistake. Today I've learned something... Especially of your little girlfriend, fox boy."

"Elyon?" Naruto asked, readying his baseball bat, "Hey, snake bastard, if you do anything to her-"

"Oh, worry not, it's not me who has plans for her." Orochimaru said as he revealed himself. "I am a mere spectator hoping she follows her role, and she has yet to grow into it."

"Don't you dare do the cliché and-" Kushina started, but the snake man walked back into the dark, and vanished as countless snakes slithered everywhere and nowhere.

"Like I'd let you run off!" Kurama snarled and clawed at every reptile he could. The five girls were shocked when Kushina's chains stabbed and slashed the other snakes like whips and spears. Alas, even if they tried to join and help, there were too many, and the man was gone.

"Okay, what just happened?" Will asked for everyone.

Cornelia had a more important question, "Is Elyon alright?"

Suddenly, they heard the girl come back, "Naruto, are you there!? Are you okay!?" all five girls flew up and out of sight while the parents hid in the shadows upon her arrival.

The whiskered boy sighed and rubbed the back of his head, hiding his bat behind his back, "I had a hell of a time with the guy." Breathing heavily, he tried to sell that he had a tough brawl, "I got him to run off. Seems like he was eager to take my wallet and yours to buy himself a meal."

"Did you beat him?" she asked, amazed that he could win against someone so much bigger.

"Hey, I said I don't need to make a promise when I can keep you safe." Naruto felt a little proud at his cheesy line. "Did you think he'd beat me? Besides, he was too cowardly to fight any further and ran off. Speaking of, let's get you and the bunny king home."

"Please." Elyon blushed much more than ever before, feeling lucky for more than one reason.

"That's my boy." Kushina silently fist-pumped in the darkness.

Irma deadpanned, "We have more pressing matters to deal with, lady... Like what the heck was pale and creepy going on about?"

Will clutched the Heart and looked at the others, "Whatever it is, we can't let him near Elyon..."

"Why did we get chosen for this...?" Taranee asked with a shiver, "It's not like we had a choice."

"I'm glad..." Cornelia said, balling her hands into fists, "It means we can fight back against that creep if he ever tries anything."

Hay Lin sighed, then turned to Minato, "Sir...I know we skipped our training with you, but... I want to do my best today."

Will nodded, "Yeah, if we're fighting more guys like that red dude, count me in."

All girls agreed, making Kushina smirk, and all eagerness vanished, "Good, because now we have to actually get serious."

X-X-X-X-X

And that's my rap!

Flimsy as it is, the reason Jirobo's magic-draining didn't work is that humans can live without magic and Minato/Kurama and the Heart are too powerful to be concerned about it.

Swordslinger out!