Intention 2.5

I suppose now is as good a time as any to talk about Panacea. While our relationship could easily be viewed as something more than friends, but less than lovers, the routine threat of bodily harm and disfigurement has prevented me from making any attempts whatsoever in approaching such a flag. Even if our first meeting was only a few months ago, it's more then insignificantly difficult to ignore what we went through during that time; the creation and destruction of Kiss-Shot Acerola-Orion Heart-Under-Blade is a part of me that I can't realistically ignore. A part of me that I'm shown every single time I visit Oshino, and look upon the visage of a young girl that could have ruled the world.

Panacea is nothing like Kiss-Shot. I think, what she needs most of all, is to relax a little bit. Amy's so tightly wound up I'm impressed she doesn't spin out when she leaves the hospital It's an incredibly warped kind of personality that she has, which is why it makes no sense that we get along. I'm incredibly ordinary, right? I don't have any special talents. There's nothing in my future that makes me more intriguing than others. All that I am, I owe to someone else - my powers, to Kiss-Shot, my life, to Panacea, my job, to Oshino.

The sky grew gray as I approached the hospital, a murky mixture of black and shadows that twist around themselves to form a less clear picture. Brockton Bay is always like this - cold, wet, and unwelcoming. It's a despondent kind of city for a despairing kind of people. There's a tingling down my spine while I stand in front of the hospital, looking at the white bricks and the bleeding cross. In the bag of food at my side, I can feel grease dripping out of it; Fugly's is not so well known for their quality, so much as the quantity and size. The meat taps against my leg when the glass doors slowly creak open, and I step inside, the scent of medical supplies striking against my nose.

I walked quietly through it, politely waving at doctors and nurses as they passed. One of the nurses gave me a sly wink and giggles, swatting her cohort with her arm.

Oy.

Wait a minute.

We're not dating, you know? We're not even close to dating. The more people who think that Panacea and I are attached in a romantic way, the more likely it is that she uncovers these impure thoughts that others are having, and a fast approaching death leans over my shoulder! I can see it now, as I'm walking up the stairs to the roof! The scythe of my demise is known as 'Amy Dallon', and she's more liable to remove my head then to forget about it!

I opened the door to the roof. Outside, a brunette stood - idly smoking a cigarette, staring out at the city. The sleeve on her right arm began falling down, revealing smooth pale skin as she twirled the cigarette in her hand. Her brown eyes glanced over to me, and a small smile crossed her face for a moment as she spun around, leaning against the cold iron of the railing as she looked at me.

"Araragi," she said, putting a cigarette up to her mouth. "Have you heard the news? Apparently there's someone out there who thinks of us as more than friends."

"Don't blame my twisted subconscious for my dreams! I can't control what I see in the dead of night!"

Amy Dallon pushed herself off the railing, her feet bouncing across the plain gray concrete of the rooftop and walked towards me. I refrained from flinching as she grabbed the bag out of my hands. Her fingers moved delicately towards her face, and she placed her cigarette between her lips before she rummaged around inside of the bag. A hum of delight emerged from her when she removed a hamburger and a side of fries, blowing smoke out as she dived back in once more and grabbed a milkshake.

"I really wish you wouldn't smoke. It's bad for you."

"Ahhh, it's like… It's like having control over my own mortality, Araragi," she said, removing the cigarette from her mouth as she handed the bag back to me and waltzed over to her usual spot, leaning against the railing while popping a fry into her mouth. "Every breath I take of smoke is like taking a drag off of death."

"As someone who's been much closer to death then you, I wouldn't recommend getting that close to it."

The brunette let out a chuckle, the cigarette dangling in her fingers as she took a deep drink of her milkshake, her pink lips gripped around the straw with delight. Neither of us spoke, content to sit in silence for a moment.

I looked at the sky as Amy ate, staring at the clear sky of Brockton Bay. Somewhere out there was a girl, with red hair who had once been the best friend of a person who had asked me for help. I wanted to find her. I had to find her. It wasn't right for someone to be lost in this mess. Even if it's not my fault, there's nothing to lose out of trying, right?

I blinked as a fry hit me in the face. Catching it as it fell down, I looked at it, so crisp it was more orange then brown, and raised it up to my eye, arching an eyebrow as I stared at Panacea through it.

"You look so tense, Araragi," she said, taking a drag off her cigarette before her teeth dug into the burger. Grease dripped out of the ends as she chewed, some of it falling onto the concrete floor. "Relax a little, why don't you?"

I took a bite of the fry. It was crunchier than I would have thought, and I mulled over her words as I chewed.

Relaxation. Peace. Serenity. Aren't those just different ways of saying that I'm running from my responsibilities? The duty given to me by Lung, the debt I owe to Oshino, the threats I'm repaying Taylor. All of them tie together to form one cohesive whole, a thing known as 'duty'. It looms over my shoulder like a shadow, and I can feel its claws already dragging me away from this place to where I need to be.

"The mall," I asked her as I bent down, rummaging around in the package for a burger, "Have you been there recently?"

"To the abandoned one? No, of course not," Amy replied with a wave of her hand. Tendrils of smoke drifted around her face as she spoke, giving her an almost mysterious feeling. "It's been shut down for years, Araragi. There's something weird over there - a feeling like you could be consumed if you stayed too long."

Consumption.

Taylor.

Emma.

Sophia.

There's a connection here, one that's just out of my reach. I can't see it, even if I reach so far out my fingers could touch the sky. What is it that separates Taylor from Emma? What is it that makes her so certain that what happened to Emma was an act of the supernatural, as opposed to just an ordinary kidnapping? Was it the suddenence of the disappearance? Did someone tell her?

...What even is the dividing line between the supernatural and parahumans anyways? How do you tell when someone is 'a supernatural existence', versus using 'a parahuman power'? This kind of stuff is way too intelligent for me. I can feel my brain steaming just trying to unpack it all.

"Penny for your thoughts, Araragi?"

I looked up at Amy, who was peering at me with a worried look on her face. Barking out a laugh, I stood with a burger in my grasp, and took a bite.

D-Delicious…! The way the meat melts in your mouth, the American cheese that isn't too cooked so that way it still maintains consistency, the grease-!

This wasn't just a burger. It was truly the work of the Gods! Ahhh, I'm going to cry if I think any more seriously about this. It's the kind of art that only a true connoisseur of fast food could understand. The hint of chili, that dash of barbeque sauce… Even if it's greasy, now I know it as well as I know myself.

Fugly Bob's is truly the greatest burger in Brockton Bay. To say otherwise is to lie.

I gave Amy a pitying look, wiping my face of the grease. I doubt she would understand the hamburger artisans behind such a work's meaning. She would never understand the magic in the meat.

"...You haven't said anything, but I can tell you're thinking something that would piss me off."

"Ah, it's nothing," I replied, raising my burger to her. "You wouldn't get it."

Amy frowned at me. I took another bite, and we fell into silence for a time. Meat was consumed, milkshakes were drank, and fries were eyed and then quietly tried with a bit of milkshake dipping outside of the eyeline of the other person.

When we were finished, I looked at Panacea, scratching the back of my head.

"You know, Taylor really looks up to you," I said to her. Amy blinked at me, tilting her head.

"Who?"

Ahhh, come on… Not this joke again, Panacea-san. It's not very funny, you know? I know you forget her name every time you meet her, but it's not a really cute quirk to have! This isn't a shonen anime, okay?! It's not a character trait to be bad with names, it's just really inconvenient for the progression of the story! Stop interrupting your narratives so that way you can tell poorly written puns, it's not a good use of your time!

"Taylor. The girl who I've been helping investigate the disappearance of her friend? Brown haired? Tallish for a girl? Wears glasses?"

"Oh, right!" Amy snapped her fingers, smiling smugly as she nodded. "Taylor. That's who you were talking about. Yeah, she's really enjoying the wards, you know? Even if I'm jealous of the immense size of her breasts, I can respect someone who does their job."

"No, not Cat. I'm talking about Taylor."

"What're you asking about Yale for?"

"Please stop messing with me, my heart can't take it much longer."

"Ahhh," Amy waved a hand through the air, smoke dangling as her fingers drifted. "But your heart doesn't beat, Araragi. You can't take anything at all, can you?"

No. I can't. Panacea-san, please forgive your humble servant for his faults. I simply wish to live a peaceful existence.

"Did you talk to Lung yet?"

"Ah. Yes, I did."

Amy looked at me, peering at my face with a raised eyebrow. I stared at a spot slightly above her left ear.

"Did he say anything?"

That my mother knew about the supernatural. That he expected me to complete any tasks. That even if I was my mother's son, he'd kill me in a heartbeat if I failed.

"Nothing important," I replied. "I can handle it."

Panacea rolled her eyes, bouncing on her heels as she rocked back and forth. Amy was a bit jumpy today, but I couldn't think of why - everything had been pretty easy to deal with for a while. Nothing ridiculous had happened in Brockton for weeks; just simple things that we could take as they came.

"You sure? You think you can handle a lot of things."

"Yeah, don't worry," I said with a thumbs up and a grin. "I've got this one under control."

Amy shrugged her shoulders, stretching her back in an arch. She took one last long drag of her cigarette and jammed it onto the railing, leaving the blackened tar along it before flicking it over the edge of the roof. She turned to face me, and I had to squint a bit to look at her; the sun was setting about now, and it splashed rays everywhere over her form, bleeding hints of orange and purple that sunk deep into the concrete.

"Don't go doing anything stupid like dying, Araragi," the girl said to me. Her shoulder brushed mine as she walked past, raising a hand by the back of her head when I turned to follow her movement. "I'm not through with you yet."

I'm sorry Panacea-san, but my heart can't take such dangerous words. If you say things like that any more often, I-I… I might have to read your diary more often! Have you truly forgiven me so fast?! It's really kind of you, but it makes me worried for my future!

Amy left me on the roof and I stayed there for a moment, staring at the sky. The fries had gotten soggy from the grease, and I ate quietly as I thought, leaning against the railing of the hospital roof. The sky was a clear blue, with only a few clouds floating through it. I left the roof quickly, content with being ignored by most of the staff as I walked out of the hospital. Pulling out my smartphone, I looked up the location of the abandoned mall; and set off at a lazy pace.

I didn't even bother telling Taylor about it, because there probably wasn't anything there. Seriously, an abandoned mall? What a low-class location for a high-class person like Emma. It's utterly doubtful she'd be anywhere around there; because I haven't had the heart to tell Taylor the simple truth of the supernatural.

If it doesn't want to be found, there's little chance for either myself or her to ever find it. The supernatural comes and goes as it pleases, fluttering in and out of reality with all the care of a rampaging bull. The endless dance of 'normal' and 'abnormal' that exists in our world is impossible to follow. It falls through your fingers like a sieve.

The streets were filled with people at this time, all coming and going from their workplaces to their houses or vice versa. I leaned out of the way as a couple passed me by, murmuring soft words to each other that made them smile something secretive. A girl's face flashed through my mind, and I banished it to the back of it. I couldn't do anything to help her.

I'd killed her, after all.

I'd saved her, after all.

Realistically, I can't deny that what I did to Kiss-Shot Acerola-Orion Heart-Under-Blade is a cruelty beyond even words. I ripped her into shreds, and in return was ripped into shreds. The closeness that I am forced to share with her stabs at my soul everytime I see the small face of the girl she had become. To turn the master into a servant is a sin that I can never free myself from; something created from my own selfishness.

I was nearing the abandoned mall. You see, in the end, Panacea is right about me. It's not that dangerous situations happen around me, it's that I'm attracted to dangerous situations. It's better that I'm hurt then someone else; because I can live through things other people can't. And more power is barely a thought away. All I'd have to do is-

My mind screeches to a halt as my body screeches with it. In front of me is the criss-crossing garish sight of warning tape; wrapped around pillars and surrounded by a chain link fence, lies the mall.

It's definitely abandoned, that much I can tell with a glance - the bricks are worn down to nothingness, and the glass doors are cracked and broken, with rusty metal rods to prop them up. Ivy crawls up the walls like the frayed strands of a shirt, and the floors that must have once shined so brightly are covered in weeds, flowers growing in between the cracks in the concrete.

Yeah. This feels like the place. I can feel that faint tinge of energy in the air, an electric tang on my tongue when I open my mouth to breathe. The supernatural sort of has a taste, apparently. At least to me - when I told Oshino he looked at me and said with a posed look that it must be how my parahumanity processes it. I am, after all, a unique existence - one who can walk with both sides of the divide, and interact with them as I please.

It's tough.

Ducking under the yellow caution tape, the wind brushes past my hair and through my fingers as I move towards the doors. Pushing one of them open, it lets out a long sigh, the sound of a piece of metal that hadn't been touched in a very long time. I entered the abandoned mall - pausing for a moment to look around. It didn't look like it had many, if any signs of life; the entire place had an almost rotting feeling to it. A cockroach crawled over a broken tile, antenna twitching in the air as it moved. Storefronts were shuttered and closed up, and I could see peeling wallpaper advertising the newest brands of 2003 inside. A music shop was announcing Canary's debut album, so that sort of dated it a bit.

I walked around the abandoned mall, looking for any sort of clues. Instead, all I got was the sensation that I was being watched. Pausing for a moment, I sat down on a bench with a yawn. Grass was growing in between the tiles underneath my feet, and ivy wrapped around the arms like ropes. I leaned against one of them, propping up my face with my hand. I felt my eyes start to close, and didn't bother to open them for a minute.

"Do you want to buy something?" A voice asked me from nearby. It sounded young - much younger then me or anyone I realistically would see on a regular basis. I let my eyes remain closed.

"No thanks, I'm good."

"You sure? I'm selling love for 300 yen."

"300 yen!?" My eyes shot open as I whirled to the speaker. It was a young girl with black hair tied into twintails, wearing a massive backpack standing in front of me. She had on a school uniform I couldn't recognize, but it must have been from Clarendon or something. "W-what a bargain! Could I perhaps purchase friendship, as well!?"

"Maybe for a little extra. 500 yen?"

"S-so cheap…"

"Well, Japanese currency has increased in value," she said, holding out her hand. "That will be fifty dollars."

"That's way out of my price range! I can't afford to give every person I meet fifty dollars just on the off-chance we become friends!"

The girl tilted her head at me, peering oddly at my face for a second. Her red eyes contrasted sharply with her white headband, and she frowned before shaking her head.

"I've changed my mind, sorry," she said with a bow. "Please stay away from me from now on."

"S-stay away?! But we've only just met! I don't even know your name!"

"Yes, I think that would be for the best."

She turned away from me, prepared to walk away with her head held high. But little did this girl know - there were no depths I would not sink to in order to question her! Perhaps I'd even hold her to my chest and pat her on the head! Tickle her armpits! I might even tell a joke!

Woah, wait. That's not the kind of thing that's acceptable in civilized society. I took a deep breath, calming myself with a smile. Yes, Araragi Koyomi - you must keep that in mind. You are, above and foremost, not a degenerate.

"You just got a really creepy look on your face. Are you thinking dirty thoughts?"

"D-dirty thoughts?! That's no way for an elementary schooler to talk! What have your parents been teaching you!?"

"To stay far away from people who get weird looks on their faces."

"Well," I said smugly, tilting back my head and holding a hand over my face with a laugh. "You should pay better attention to what they say! You're speaking to me, after all!"

"Ah. Yes. That's true. I apologize, Degenerate-san."

"Good, good. On your way, Elementary Schooler-chan."

She smiled at me and I waved goodbye to her as she walked away, pleased with how the next generation was coming up.

Hey.

Wait.

Didn't she just insult me? Didn't she just insult me directly to my face?

"Oy. Stop for a second. Did you just call me Degenerate-san?"

"No, that was a mistake. My bad, Deschmenerate-san."

"That's not my name either! You're just mixing up your words!"

"No, I bit my tongue Dezevermate-san."

"You did it on purpose!" I shouted as I leapt to my feet, pointing at her.

We glared at each other, and I crossed my arms, starting to tap my foot.

"Seriously, where are your parents? Are you lost?"

She looked puzzled for a second before smiling brightly. She nodded rapidly, bowing to me before looking up with a wink.

"I'm Hachikuji Mayoi! I'm an 0X-year old **** schooler, and this good-looking onii-san here has promised to-"

"Woah, hey, that's way too aggressive a gag for your first introduction. Fear not, for I, Araragi Koyomi, a 17 year old high schooler, will teach you the ways of properly introducing yourself."

"Are you okay, Araragi-san? You look like a mediocre fan author who just realized that he hadn't updated his story in several months and was trying to come up with something interesting but realized that his specialty was terrible comedic gags."

"W-what a specific kind of appearance..."

"But don't worry about me," the girl said brightly, wrapping her hands around her bag. "I'm just heading home. I come here to play sometimes, so it's fine right?"

"I suppose… Have you seen a red-haired girl around here recently?"

Hachikuji shook her head.

"No sorry," she said as she shrugged her shoulders. "She might not appear to me though, you know? Her tastes might lean away from cute girls who happen to be elementary schoolers and more towards weird boys who happen to be high school students."

She paused, tapping her lip as she thought for a moment. The abandoned mall groaned as we stood in silence for a second, and a wind rushed through the area, so crisp and clean I could almost see how blue it was.

"Or," the girl said, looking up at me with an odd smile. "Maybe she doesn't want to be found? Not all those who wander are lost, Araragi-san. Sometimes they're just looking at it from a different view."

I didn't understand what Hachikuji was telling me. Her sentence was totally illogical in the grand scheme of things, but one word stook out to me.

"But aren't you a lost child?"

"Child? I'm a snail, a snail."

"What a human-like snail…"

"What a snail-like human you are to judge me by my appearance instead of my character."

"W-what a rude little snail! Stop insulting me so directly, at least try to make it sound more polite or something!"

"Oops, I bit my tongue."

"There's no way you said all that because you bit your tongue! Apologize properly right now!"

"Sorry~" she said as she winked at me, her leg popping up. "Teehee~!"

I sighed, pinching the bridge of my nose. I had no interest in dealing with this girl.

"Well, do you want me to help you find your way home?"

"No, I'm alright," she replied, waving her hands and shaking her head. "Like I said, I was just leaving. I thought you might want something, though."

"Like what?"

She smiled. It was bright and cheery, like a summer day in July.

"I'm sure you'll find it when you see it."

And with that, she spun on her heel and left me alone with my thoughts.

Well, she seemed like she knew what she was doing. I might as well investigate this place a little more thoroughly before bed.