Hello all this is my well rewrite of an old DxD self insert I wrote some time ago, damn its been awhile since I wrote anything to do with DxD, then again I was in the middle of one hell of a dry spell and I needed to get myself into gear.

Anyway as you will obvious tell this is vastly different to the original which is ok in my opinion cause there is a lot of things I need to more or less unpack and considering I'll be rewatching the series there is going to be shit tons of things to unpack.

Like for example how when the tennis game the boys in the crowd were very… open in their perversions which kinda threw me off for a second but ultimately made me laugh at how fucking ridiculous it sounded overall from a 3rd persons point of view.

All in all I hope you all enjoy this cause I more or less enjoyed the process of writing this.

Chapter 1 Weird ass forest animals

"...W-where in the hell am I?" I felt myself mumble out in confusion, my eyes panning around from left to right as all I could seed was forest well more like a barren forest with the amount just trees and branches I was seeing didn't help that the entire mood lighting was just blood red, really kinda annoyed me with the way it just made the current forestry creepy and uninviting haunted look to it.

"Did the jagermeister do this to me?" I asked myself wondering if the shot my brother gave me last night, that may have tasted like crap that couldn't have caused me mass hysteria… could it?

Patting my pockets down on my thankful pair of jeans I was still wearing I tried to see if I had my phone on me, but with the emptiness I'm feeling in my pockets looks like I don't have my phone or my wallet.

"Sigh might be a bad time to remind myself that I need to take my pills now isn't it?" I mused to myself finding this… situation to be very bleak and unfunny but the smallest of calibres. With a quick tug of my jacket I slowly decided to go off and find a trail back home, that is if I was anywhere near home.

With the way my shoes stood on the ground more or less felt harder than the usual soft ground I was used to during winter and don't me started on the air, it was pleasant and not chill biting cold that punished you for wearing shorts and shirt in the middle of the day.

"Have I been Isekai'd?" I asked aloud seeing this situation to be a very isekai thing to happen to someone, especially when it happens to me of all people. "Pretty sure its a trope that the least popular person who gets Isekai'd into a new world is a trope nowadays." I deduced seeing as I've read many manga of how people have just been plopped into the middle of a different world with different obscure talents, jobs and especially personalities.

And I consider myself to be on the later all with my very… different personality I can at least say confidently I will have the last insult before I die, or something like that.

"Well lets see what this so called new fantasy filled world has for me, ten out of ten there better be some fucking cat girls or you have lost me." I said preaching to whatever god/deity/some-fucker who was taking their time to listen to my woes.

It wasn't long though until I met my first encounter, an encounter I will dub "These Mermaids are fucked."

Now I could go through a whole story of how I found these beings and the meaning behind the title but let's just say I did not expect to see a bunch of men to jump out of a pond looking like the lovechild of the Rock and a female bodybuilder.

"Fuck no," Was my immediate reaction as I took a left from that pond and just carried on while trying to mentally block out those images, Hell I'm pretty sure those weren't even mermaids. (They weren't, they were undines.)

My next encounter was bizarre at best, but not like it wasn't the weirdest thing I saw before and no I'm not speaking metaphorically considering the mermaid thing more or less put me on edge to expect more creatures resembling them.

Thankfully though this encounter was that bad just well I didn't expect to find bats with very cartoonish faces on them or to be so docile to me, I mean shit I poked one of them and watched as it and its pack more or less flew away in a slight frenzy.

So yeah that encounter was more preferable than the last one.

After that I just continued my walk with no direction or destination in mind seeing as how I knew little to nothing about the terrain I tried to at least keep myself from running into what I believed was dangerous creatures, like that slime thing.

I don't think I have ever been so disturbed I found my feet were covered in this green thing that more or less ate away at my shoes, my good shoes of all things.

Yeah no I wasn't in the best mood during that encounter even when I finally got the damn things off my now bare feet.

"Sigh well there goes my shoes." I bit out in annoyance, my bare feet stomping across the dirt forest floor, I didn't mind being barefoot in the middle of the forest but I was still peeved that my shoes were more or less taken away from me.

Pausing in my steps though I felt a slight uncomfortable kind of vibe, looking up towards a nearby tree I found a small blue baby dragon looking directly down at me.

It had this strange cuteness that made me want to just hug it for the rest of my life, but those thoughts were stopped by this strange sense of foreboding I was getting with the way it was staring down at me, almost like my mere existence was an insult to the small thing.

"Yeah well fuck you too." I whispered under my breath as I just continued to walk forwards deciding to just ignore the cute thing, I mean I'm pretty sure as long as I don't screw with it, it won't screw with me.

As is the rule with most animals that could kill you if you annoy it.

20 minutes later (Insert Spongebob narrator voice)

"Will you please leave me alone already." No matter how many times I reworded that same request over and over again it appeared this little dragon decided to ignore it and continued to follow me for some fucking reason.

"Nya." Turned out that was dragon version of saying "no", trust me I've tested this multiple times, multiple times being yes or no questions with the word yes being "Yar".

"I don't think an animal has followed me for this long in ever." I said to myself seeing as the dragon either flew over my head, next my body, in front of my body or just perched itself on branches from time to time. "I don't see what so appealing of me."

"Yar!"

"You and I both know that wasn't a question." I said stopping mid-step to watch as the little dragon fly up and perch itself on a nearby tree branch, it's dark burgundy or red eyes looking down on me with a certain blankness to them.

"Nya!"

"The hell do you mean no? As in like no that was a yes and no question or no as in your denying that you knew that was a question?" I questioned with a raised eyebrow of confusion.

"Yar?"

"You know fuck it, the fact you phrased that as a question more than an answer clearly tells me you're screwing around with me." I shook my head in disappointment while wondering where the hell did this thing know anything about DBZ abridged?

With that I just carried on walking no longer caring to pay attention to the flying lizard, my mind more or less focused on other things, mainly what kind of world I was in and also if there was any elves and if so were they stacked both upper and lower body.

I admit I'm an ass man at heart but even I will appreciate a large pair of breasts if they come up, unless the girls who own those assets are underage and then I will promptly "Nope" myself out of there before I get my ass killed or arrested for statory rape.

I don't need that on my conscious, no siree.

"Yar!"

"Hmm, whats up?" I called out in confusion looking up to the sky seeing the dragon was more or less flying above the trees, his cute voice was obviously trying to point me in a certain direction, a direction that had me curious so to speak.

Following the dragon out of curiosity I took a couple good guesses as to what he was leading me to which was either a village, a city or hell maybe even a castle.

As I usually say, "You never really know until you kicked the fucking door down."

Now lets see what's got this little guy so excited abou-what the fuck?

"Wha-what the-who are you?" I heard the question come from the man who was apparently leading a bunch of highschoolers through a forest while looking like a discount version of Ash Ketchum.

"I could ask you the same question, but I've got a better one in mind." I replied back watching how the highschoolers behind the man were looking at me with wide confused eyes.

"Wait didn't you say you were only going to take us to the familiar forest?" The girl that look mighty familiar with the red hair said, directing her question towards Discount Ash.

"I did, I don't know what's going on, hey how did you get in this forest?" Discount Ash looked at me with confusion in his eyes.

"I uh… woke up here, not specifically here per say but I woke up here." I saiw with a shrug not really sure why this guy was implying really, unless he was a local or something.

"Wha-but that makes absolutely no sense." Discount Ash said looking utterly befuddled.

"How do you think I feel? I ran into some fucked up mermaids, bats and well this… dragon?" I posed it as a question while said dragon flew down and stood on the ground in front of me.

"Yar."

"Ok Dragon it is, if want to know what his name is… well I haven't named him yet and I'm pretty sure he doesn't like me all that much." I said with the light scratches to the back of my head as I found this introduction to be a tad awkward on my part.

"Nya!"

"Oh wait, nevermind maybe he does like me… doubt it but I can dream I guess." I said with a shrug watching the dragon slowly turned to give me his own equivalent to a dirty look. "Fuck you too." I found myself whispering back to him before looking back up to the group of teens and Discount Ash.

"I'm sorry but are you claiming that dragon sprite to be your familiar?" Discount Ash asked, his finger pointing the dragon in front of me.

"If I say yes, can you by chance show me to the nearest village?" I proposed back to Discount Ash.

"There are no villages here, it's just a forest filled with familiar creatures." Discount Ash exclaimed looking at me in confusion.

"Oh… well that sucks, then how did you guys get here then?" I questioned feeling moderately confused as to how these got here if there was no village nearby, unless-

"We teleported here." The redhead explained holding her palm up to show off a red glowing magical circle, ok that answered that question.

"Teleportation… well that's new." I mumbled out, then again seeing a bunch of highschools with the ability to use magic is nothing new… well in an anime/manga.

"That still did not answer my question, are you taking this dragon sprite as a familiar?" Discount Ash exclaimed pointing down to the dragon in front of me who by the way, was looking right at me with large puppy like eyes which made it kinda cute.

"Uh… I see no reason not to take him as a familiar, other than the fact I know nothing of magic and all that other shit in between." I grumbled the last portion to myself.

"So your a magician?" Discount Ash asked with his arms folded looking kinda annoyed.

"Uh… nope, why do I look like one?" I asked looking down at my attire.

"You kinda look like a homeless guy." Ouch, little girl got bite!

"Wow that's fucking harsh." I said to myself looking down to see the little dragon was snickering away, well fuck you too. "Ok I honestly don't know what the hells going on, I do not know how I got here, why I'm here and frankly I'm pretty much done with this weird ass forest filled with equally fucked up creatures."

"Nya!"

"Oh you know what I mean, those fucking mermaids were beyoned fucking weird and you know that." I quipped back to the dragon, watching who he gave me a cute looking glare.

"Sigh I apologize Ms Gremory but it appears your time here is going to come to a short closure." Discount Ash said looking at the Red head, who was now named… Gremory?

You mean like Rias Gremory? From the more or less best Harem Anime/manga ever? (I fucking dare you guys to tell me otherwise)

"Ooooooh fuck nuggets." Well it appears shit is about to hit the fan, ain't that just fucking great?

"You… whatever you are, you are going to be coming-"

"I don't think that will be necessary familiar master." Wait what?

Suddenly Rias slowly stepped forwards, her body stood up straight as she looked directly up to me, seeing as I was 6'2 didn't really surprise me but the way she confidently looked me in the eyes had me on edge.

"Now answer me this, you are a human correct?"

"Uh… yes, yes I am." I answered with an awkward nod.

"That will explain your lack of magical presents and you did say you had no idea how you ended up in the familiar forest?"

"Not a single fucking clue."

"Hmmm, I take it you don't have a sacred gear correct?"

"Uh no?" I might sound unsure but I'm pretty sure I don't, I mean it would be kinda weird if I had one.

"Buchou what are doing?" Asked who I guessed was Issei, god he looks so much different in real life, still the fucks up with his hair being that spikey?

"I'm just checking something," Rias simply replied, holding her hand out, her fingertips slightly tracing up and down my jacketed arm. "Tell me..."

"Uh… Hamish." I quickly answered the unasked question.

"Hamish have you ever heard of Devils?"

"Um well… I'd be lying if I said no." I slightly pulled my arm away feeling slightly uncomfortable with the way Rias was looking at me, almost like a new toy… or something.

"Well this would make things easier, cause as far as I see it you have three choices Hamish, one we leave you here to survive in the forest which even devils like us fear, 2 be taken away by the familiar master and be tried as a criminal for trespassing on devil territory."

I felt my entire body involentarly shiver in fear of the sudden idea of being labeled as a criminal.

"And the third option I take it is become your servant?" I more or less guessed watching how the redhead gave me the biggest smile I have seen on her face so far.

"Exactly, I take it you know where I'm going with this correct?"

"Yep." Great I'm becoming a devil.

I'mma fucked.

Chapter 1 end

I could give many reasons behind why Rias would do this to an absolute stranger, a human that more or less turned up in the middle of a pretty dangerous territory with little to nothing but his word to go on.

But that would be a tad spoiler-ish to give you her complete reasoning so all I will say is, Rias knows she's about to face a wall known as Riser so she's going to have to go against her mindset of quality over quantity, even if it's for this one instance.

Now with that I hope I've caught your eye and hope to hear your thoughts.

This has been Amvmaster, and I'll be seeing you next time.