A/N: So.

I'm still alive.

Now, then. *inhales deeply*

NEON DAI SHORI! I just got spooked by Raikou, I kid you not.

...and now Shuten.

Wasn't even rolling for either on that new banner. I just wanted Danzo T_T

There, now that we've gotten that taken care of, back to the story. Because an old friend asked for this and another fic. Just a little something to prove I'm not dead yet. Been awhile, hasn't it? This is just a little something to prove I'm not dead. Can't do much else at the moment given the state of my health, sorry. But the trolls were quite happy to pounce while I was away for the last few days, so consider this a response of sorts.

*shrugs helplessly*

Well, I've finally finished all the content in Grand Order for the time being. Shinjuku and Agartha were hell towards the end-looking at you, Megalos!-but I enjoyed 'em. Shimosa was INSANE and I somehow got Musashi in all the chaos, not to mention I got sodding spooked by Tomoe. I also recently got Parvati and Heracles as well as Emiya and Tristan. So...I guess I'm going to sit tight and look forward to the rest, now that I've used up all my free quartz. Hard to believe I blew through the game in less than a year. 0_0

Now I've just gotta wait for the Lostbelts...

So here we are, the second-to-last entry in this series before the Mastermind rears his ugly head.

A Most Unlikely Mage; at least, that's what the world considers him to be.

Unlike his brethren, he's an actual spell-slinger that could qualify for the Caster role if he so chose. He's one of the few that fall into the "Unknown" category at that.

Also, fair warning of sorts.

This Naruto is almost fiendishly clever.

He could even be considered evil in a certain light.

Why? He the sort to do something just because he could.

Not out of malice or any sort of cruelty, but rather...simple curiosity.

His appearance rather resembles...well. I'm sure most of you are familiar with Arifureta by now~!

One final note; as of this chapter, I AM working on non Fate related stories. Don't worry, I haven't forgotten them.

"I believe in the power of belief. For that is what defines us."

...that sentence doesn't make a lick of sense, idiot."

"On the contrary. It explains everything."

~?

A Most Unlikely Mage

Amazing.

Fascinating, fascinating, FASCINATING!

Life is absolutely marvelous, wouldn't you agree?

Throughout time and space, there's so much to do, so much to see...and be. Countless mystics miracles since the dawn of earth, and from the time I was small, I wanted to see them all. Understand them all. What is a Tailed Beast? Some manner of phantasmal? Or something more? What is magic for that matter? Are they related? Parallel to one another? The same? One could argue that magic circuits and chakra coils stem from the same branch of knowledge, but I would argue otherwise. To this day, I haven't solved this mystery. At a glance it resembles chakra, yet in that same vein its so much...more. Magic can do what chakra cannot.

Can't it?

As for me...my change stemmed from a simple insult, really.

A tiny ripple in an otherwise placid pond, one with far-reaching consequences.

Looking back, one might not think a single stray word would have such far-reaching consequences. But it did.

Everyone called me an idiot. I can't even remember their faces anymore, or their names. But I'll never forget the sound of their voices. Those low, angry growls. The pain of broken bones. I first felt that pain when I was kicked out of the orphanage. Then again, when I flunked out of the academy for the first time. And the second. Third. Fourth. Fifth. And they were right. In the beginning, I was naught but a blond buffoon with nothing but a loud voice and a sullen demon to my name. Pranks availed me nothing. Questions gained me nothing. Shouting gained me nothing. No, it became abundantly clear that no one was going to teach me anything.

So I taught myself.

I snuck into the library whenever I could; stole scrolls when I couldn't. My mind was made up; if no one would help me, then why should I concern myself with helping them? More often than not I was caught, but that didn't discourage me. If anything, it only emboldened my efforts. When I finally worked up the nerve to steal the infamous Scroll of Sealing myself...it was wholly of my own volition. There was no Mizuki to prod me into action

I poured over arcane texts wherever I could find them, and in doing so, reached an understanding that would turn even the sternest sage green with envy.

It was then, at the lowest point in my life, that someone approached me.

He called himself Solomon.

King of Mages.

He offered me a golden chalice, something he called the Holy Grail, and asked me what I would be willing to trade for such knowledge. Wisdom and strength such as I'd never known. Perhaps, had I known the truth of what he was back then, what he had planned for the world...no. It wouldn't have changed my answer. The answer was obvious. I couldn't give him my legs. I needed those. But what I didn't need...in exchange for nigh-unlimited power?

Compared to that, what's the price of my left arm?

Or your my right eye?

I gave him both.

I'll never forgive his laugh, or the words that followed.

"Yes, that's what I was expecting."

I traded both not for power, but for knowledge; to see into the unseen, to know the unknown. In time, I built myself a better arm of peerless steel and crafted an eye that could see death itself. I consider myself a scholar, first and foremost. So I've slaughtered a few hundred-thousands!-in my day. They were bad people. They had to go. I offer no justifications for my deeds. Hero? Villain? I scoff at those gaudy titles. Let history label me as they will.

Humanity can burn for all I care.

Naruto was an idiotic boy.

I buried him.

Magic.

Saddled with a horrible curse, burdened by this terrible power, yet with that power came curiosity. Not responsibility, but rather, a boundless inquisitiveness that I couldn't possibly hope to fathom. Chakra wasn't enough for me; the power it possessed, while applicable given the right amount, held its own...drawbacks.

I wasn't just afraid of death; no, I was downright terrified of it.

One day its all just going to...stop. And I won't know when. So I sought ways to circumvent it. And eventually...I found one.

I wasn't idle.

I took that Grail given me by Solomon and I went to town. I summoned nine Servants, one for each tail of the beast trapped within me. With their power, everything fell before us.

An evil mastermind of an Archer.

A timid yet clever Caster who feared death.

An almighty Lancer whose spear burned brighter than the sun.

A smiling Saber wielding many swords and serving her own erratic creed.

Next came a mechanical Assassin who swore to serve my will in every aspect of her life.

Rider...well. I cant claim to have much experience with pirates, much less a madwoman like this one.

And then we have Berserker. Hmm. The less said about that one the better. Wouldn't want to set them off.

As if Avenger would allow that. She's called the Dragon Witch for a reason, after all.

They all swore to serve me

Its all one grand experiment, really.

So cry havoc and let slip the dogs of war.

If you seek knowledge, then you must take it from me.

Let them come.

A/N: Aaand there you have it!

Not dead, nearly done with A Most Unlikely Berserker, and still kicking.

Next chapter we get right down to the nitty gritty! It'll be out soon, providing my health holds, so look forward to it ya know!

So...in the immortal words of Atlas...

...Review, Would You Kindly? And of course, enjoy the preview!

(Preview)

"Are you controlling them?!"

"Not at all. Every Servant you see here before you has chosen to serve me of their own accord."

Kiara positively purred.

"Ohhhhh~? What is this place?"

"Any number of things, I suppose." The Mage tilted his head as he reclined upon his throne. "Some might call it a Singularity. Others, a Lostbelt. It doesn't matter to me." slim shoulders rolled beneath the blackened robes he wore. "This is my world, and I don't suffer intruders lightly. I don't suppose you'll tell me how you were summoned...no, it doesn't matter. Now, to quote a wise man...

A blazing circle erupted beneath the intruder's feet.

...get thee gone, thot."

"A pleasure to meet you, Lord El-Melloi."

...sarcasm does not become you."

"Doesn't it?"

R&R! =D