I OWN NOTHING

Rising of the Shield Hero tackles a dark side of the world. Like The Simpsons episode "Homer Badman" showing the hidden reality of scandals and how people manipulate the truth.

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"Come on, you are knights so go find that rat!"

"Look down that hall, I'll go this way!"

"Bastard, stealing from the king... Do you think it's-"

"Don't utter the name! Find him!"

A small shadow chortled to himself as he silently clung to a wall, "Suckers!" he cheered and waited for them to scatter before dropping down, revealing himself as a child. He wore a dark orange cloak with buckles to keep it closed like a stylish overcoat and a large hood. He also had a black tunic, a red scarf covering everything below his eyes and black pants loose enough to move fast without hindering him with the legs inside brown leather boots. Glinting blue eyes scanned the halls, filled with as much mischief as the owner. Said owner had a large bag on his back full to the brim with treasure.

Reaching into one of his cloak's many pockets, the tiny thief pulled out a piece of paper designed like a fox's face and placed it on the floor for it to be found by a mustached knight, "What!?" the armored man let a curse out after picking up the calling card, "Damn him! Damn that Thieving Fox! That's the third time this month! Men! He's been here! The Thieving Fox is around the palace!"

Running on the roofs of a medieval city, the thief chortled, "Hahaha! That's what you get for getting the prices so high!" he laughed and jumped. It wouldn't have been surprising for most if not for the fact he'd leap over a building without trying before breakfast! "Alright, time to see what'll be up for breakfast!" he smirked as he made his way through allies, making sure no soul could see him before dashing into one and, as soon as he made sure no one was within hearing range, he opened a window into a small building.

Once inside, the boy was quick to take off his cloak, roll it into a ball, and shove it into the bag before rolling down his scarf, "Naruto..." the voice made him stiffen and turn to reveal himself to a candlelight's glow. He was a young child with a long, messy mop of spiky hair reaching his chin, a foxy face with strange natural marks across his cheeks akin to whiskers, and cerulean blue eyes. His right eye twitched as he was under the eyes of a nun who didn't look very happy with his choice of actions or breaking of the rules. He knew she'd be mad for more than him ignoring the curfew.

"Sister Felicity..." he gave her a trembling grin. Sister Felicity was a five-foot tall, gorgeous young woman with dark coffee-bean colored skin, catty lips, a small, sharp nose, and a fluffy mane of dark pink hair which went down to her waist. Adding to that her heart-shaped face and hourglass figure under her robes, and many men banged their heads and fists on the floor. None that they could be blamed. Each curve of her voluptuous body could bounce marbles off with large breasts to smother men to death and a behind twice as large along a thin waist. It was a marvel her outfit contained that.

Seconds later, he was dragged by the collar by the young nun, "Stealing again?" she asked while holding the candlelight with one hand and his tunic with the other, "Naruto, you're fourteen! Even if you're a child, you'd do better than throw your life to the gutter angering the king!"

"But Sister Felicity, you said the king's just trying to get us killed!" the boy argued.

"I-It was a figure of speech, boy!" she snapped with a heated-up face.

"And yet...hey, you're choking me!" he got free, nursing his neck with a huff, "You said we wouldn't have enough to eat this week because of how much he's raking up the taxes, so I made us even!" he showed her the contents of the bag, baguettes, ham, all assortment of vegetables, wheels of cheese, and even a couple bottles of wine for her.

"Stealing is a sin, boy." She argued, but he was stubborn.

"We don't seem to call it stealing when the king or that daughter of his does it, the bitch." He growled while dusting his clothes, which were his uniform.

Sister Felicity's eyes widened, "Where did you learn that word!?"

"Oh? All knights seem to whisper it when talking of that princess." The boy replied ignorantly, arms crossed, "I never understood what part of her looks like a dog."

Rubbing her face, the nun sighed, "Naruto, don't use that word, and don't steal again." She looked at the food, completely at a conundrum, "Oh, what do I do? If I don't return this, I may as well have stolen it. What would the king say if he found out? What would he do?" she bit her bottom lip at the horror setting in her mind.

"Only one way to deal with it." Naruto replied while rummaging in his bag, "Erase all evidence." He said and handed her a wine bottle.

"You are..." she paused and examined the label, "...a boy with good taste. Fifteen years old, not a bad age."

He beamed at her, "And hey, when people cheat and aren't caught, isn't that called being smart?"

"You're the closest to a devil that I've seen so far." She sighed and took the bottle, "Fine, I guess we have no choice. I can't have the king close this orphanage or do...whatever he could to you." Part of her wanted to praise him, 'And you went through all this trouble to get us some food when we were about to run out.'

"I don't mind." He said bluntly, hands behind his head, "If I can make you smile for taking me in, that's all I'll need, Sister Felicity."

"Again, I've got to question if you are a blessing or a lost little devil." She retorted, "For starters, you said you ended here when you tried to steal a scroll but found a small one near the one you wanted." She recalled his backstory when she first met him, she had just started working at the orphanage.

"Hey, it was a test, I didn't know it'd have a trap like that." The boy explained, "See, I had to take a really big one with many secrets, but I saw a small one just there, on the floor. I just had to check it out. What if it was the real deal and the gigantic one was a decoy?"

"And you woke up here, on Melromarc." The nun ended with a shake of her head, "It almost sounds like you're a hero, but the lack of weapon says otherwise."

"I have my kunais." He replied.

"Magical weapon." She corrected.

"Fine..." he grumbled, puffing his cheeks in a childish pout.

On the next day during lunch, the orphans were eating like kings. "Man, Sister Felicity, where'd you get such good ham!?" asked a girl who wolfed down a large slice.

"Someone brought it for us last night to help us in these hard times." The nun answered with a soft smile.

Eating as well as them, the one responsible felt like boasting, "Possibly a handsome rogue!" Naruto smirked while enjoying a large sandwich. Sister Felicity would've smacked him upside the head for committing the sin of pride but had to keep appearances. She struggled to keep a groan on the back of her throat and kept cooking for the children.

Once they were done eating, the children were left out, "Don't get too far. Be careful while playing around."

"Yes!" the kids replied, but one was up to something else.

Naruto grinned cheekily after sneaking out of the orphanage, his thief outfit on, "Sorry, Sister Felicity, I got the biggest target waiting for me." he said from the roofs as he examined the streets, waiting for his mark until he appeared, "There she is." He narrowed his eyes at the form of a young woman with red hair done in a stylish ponytail. Her breastplate and rest of her clothing left little to the imagination and weren't cheap or worthy of her in his opinion. Also, while the redhead was good-looking she didn't hold a candle to Sister Felicity, he thought.

Landing on an alley near the man, the boy smirked as he looked at the streets before dashing forward, "Huh?" the redhead said, a flirty grin present on his face, "Now, now, don't be shy, Hero." Her words had Naruto tense up as he hid behind several barrels, but the redhead was speaking to another figure.

"Hero?" Naruto echoed and observed a youth with messy black hair in a black chainmail coat following his target. "That guy is from another world? Is he like me?" looking at the passing boy, he quirked a brow due to his weapon, "A shield? What the Hell? Did he draw the shortest straw?" Observing them leave, he pondered what to do, "Robbing that annoying princess was today's big plan, but if the heroes have arrived and I just missed it, I gotta see what's up." he rubbed his scarf-covered chin, "It doesn't hurt to see."

However, just as he was about to follow him, a fellow blond with his hair in a ponytail passed by, holding a spear, "...that Naofumi's luck, don't you think?" he asked a group of girls following him with a smile, "He'd be alone without her, and she's good-looking, too. Although, I can't say I envy him too much with you girls around." Naruto fake-gagged as he bore holes into the lancer's head with his disgusted stare.

"Please, don't be teasing us like that." One of the girls said with a smile, souring Naruto's mood even more.

"Ugh, pretty boys like him and Sasuke piss me off." He grinned at an idea, 'Fine, I'm taking his wallet first. If he's a hero, he's gotta be paid by that old fart of a king. I bet that's tax money the orphanage could use. And I could use some new books to learn how to pick locks. As a hero, he's got the responsibility to help those in need: Sister Felicity and me.'

Keeping a low profile, he leapt into one of the roofs without anyone noticing due to his speed. In a flash, he was running without making a sound as he examined the lancer. Plenty of show like himself, but was he a skilled fighter or savvy in stealth? One easy and fast way to find out appeared when he entered a shop to buy gear for himself and the girls following him. On top of the shop's rooftops, he calmly put his hands in a seal. A cloud of smoke engulfed him, dissipating as quickly as it appeared, and revealed a female employee.

"Motoyasu-sama, could you get me this?" a girl asked, holding a new robe.

"Hey, we gotta see what the others choose, I don't want to play favorites with such cute girls, it'd break my heart." The ponytailed blond said.

The disguised Naruto, posing as a brunette with green eyes and a petite frame, stuck out his tongue in disgust, "I'm gonna get sick with this guy..."

"Oh, did you say something, miss?" the lancer, Motoyasu asked and Naruto put on a pleasant smile.

"Nothing to worry about, sir. I see you're the hero, so please feel free to look around at your leisure. The boss just told me you'll get a huge discount." He said with a sweet voice which would make any man melt, a bow of the head to show some of the assets he gifted the fake female employee form he took, and a bright grin.

"Oh, such generosity! I ought to pay you handsomely for this, but if the boss is offering, I guess I'll tip ya!" the lancer said and handed the fake girl five silver coins.

"Take your time, sir." Naruto said with a warm tone, and then smirked when Motoyasu's back was turned to him before he quickly pulled a kunai from his back, "I will be handling some stuff at the back. Have a nice day." Lightning fast, he cut a hole on the wallet, letting several of the coins fall into his hands, 'Idiot will now think he's lost this cash because of the hole.'

"Hey!" said a real employee who had been about to get one of Motoyasu's party members another tunic to try on in the dressing room, "Who are you!?"

Once Motoyasu turned, he heard the coins hit the floor and saw the ones the thief had taken, "What's this!? What are you doing, miss!?" he shouted in shock.

Growling, Naruto decided to come as clean as a thief would, "Screw it." In a cloud of smoke, he revealed himself as the Thieving Fox, "Good luck catching me, dumbass!" he said and pulled down an eyelid just to spite the womanizer wannabe. It had the desired effect of pissing off the lancer who had just realized he had been robbed.

"Why you!" Motoyasu swung his spear, but for Naruto he was too slow.

"Are you trying to hit me tomorrow!?" the blond taunted as he leapt over the strike and ran for the door, only to have it blocked when Motoyasu threw his spear at it, closing it as soon as he pulled the handle. It surprised him enough for Motoyasu to summon back his spear and charge, which didn't worry the cheeky boy, "Heh, are you mad I was your type?" he taunted, letting him swing his weapon in an arc to duck under while breaking the shop's window to the real employee's horror.

"Ah, dammit! Stop moving around!" Motoyasu shouted, but Naruto had an idea as he grabbed some of the glass shards and held them like throwing knives. "You won't escape-" Motoyasu had been too slow when Naruto threw the glass at the curtains behind him. Curtains which hid nubile bodies in states of undress. The owners of said bodies shrieking in fear and shock got the lancer's attention. Three seconds later, the hero of the spear passed out with a nosebleed while the Thieving Fox ran away scot-free on the rooftops.

"Ahahaha! Stealing from arrogant dumbasses is the best!" he laughed as he kept running and jumping, "If that guy was this easy, then that princess will be a piece of cake!"

Little did he know that he'd stumble into something much bigger.

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And that's my rap!

The Rising of the Shield Hero has been everyone's obsession lately and I'm trying to be trendy. In all seriousness, I do enjoy the show and couldn't be more up for its simple message regarding scandals. Nowadays, you can see how this could happen. Like with Homer Badman, where Homer was branded as a sex offender for a tiny mistake and his life spiraled down from there.

It speaks of how people want things to be black and white to not have their precious sensibilities challenged, doesn't it? Once I recall a female student said a teacher touched her. Years later, she admitted it was a lie because the guy took her phone. What happened to him? He committed suicide. Reality's a bitch, and when satire's close to it, we ought to question ourselves.

Swordslinger out!