Author's Notes:

Seriously, if you're really fond of the revival or think it or its creators are above scrutiny or reproach, you probably don't want to read this story. The undertone is quite snarky, and I'm not looking to upset anybody or get anyone's back up (such divisive times, sigh), so if you just want to scroll on by, I'll understand. But if you DO decide to read it, I did warn you, so please don't attack me or the story with flames. If you do, I'll come find you and fat-shame you and sleep with your fiancé, because I'm just that gilmordorable! ;)

If you're still here:

This is a sequel to What's in a Name? Kinda sorta, but not really? But you don't need to read that first. All you really need to know is that it is canon-friendly through Bon Voyage and takes place in a present-day world (circa fall 2018) that could possibly have evolved logically and sensibly from there. (Ahem.) Oh, and like What's..., it's also pretty "meta," as the kids say, so if that's not your thing, you may want to take a pass on this one too.

If you're still here:

Some references might seem a bit dated, because I wrote most of this right after AYITL came out, but I found my GG mojo completely gone and I shelved it. Then I caught the Emmys this year, and was struck by how almost everyone involved with the show had moved way, way on, leaving loyal fans in the dust, imho. So I dusted it off and started tinkering again. I even tried writing some new, less contentious stuff, while still debating whether or not to post this piece. But when I saw "Sookie" and -OMG, OMG it's the Pastor Cho fanboy guy!- up there on the Oscar stage recently, it seemed like some kind of sign that it was finally time to share this particular weirdness, so here it is. Blame the awards shows...

What's in a Dream?

"It was the worst one yet," Rory told her husband as she slowly rubbed her belly. "And it seemed so real."

"They always do," Jess tried to console her. "Until you really think about them, right? As soon as we talk through these nutty 'pregnancy-induced dreams', you start to see how unrealistic and ridiculous they really are."

"I guess," Rory acquiesced. "But this one was different. It was," she actually shuddered, "bad."

"You had bad dreams with Richie too."

Rory shook her head adamantly. "No, when I was pregnant with Richie I sometimes dreamed bad things. Of bad things happening. That made sense though. I was scared, anxious. First time mom. This is totally different," she stated. "This dream was bad mostly because I was bad. I was just a bad, bad person. I did bad things and treated people…"

"Badly?" Jess asked sardonically.

Rory nodded.

"Pregnancy does wonders for your vocabulary, too," he said with a smirk.

"Why?" she wondered plaintively. "Why am I dreaming myself as this bad…bad…," she struggled, "no, okay, Mr. Writer Man, as this awful, hideous, heinous, despicable person? What does it mean?"

"All right, Leroy Brown," Jess guided her toward the large sofa in their great room. "C'mon, let's go over this bad, bad dream of yours."

"Okay," Rory started as she took a seat, "um, let's see. I don't even know where to begin with this one. I told you, the situations weren't scary. It wasn't your classic nightmare where there's impending danger or anything," she prefaced. "It was just us, living our lives. And it all seemed so ordinary and real on the surface, even pleasant at times. That was what made it all the more disturbing when I finally woke up." She looked up at him woefully. "And the more I think about it, the worse it gets!"

"K, so time to think about it less and talk it through more." Jess sat beside her. "Let's go."

"Okay, well, first off, we were all caught in some weird time warp," Rory began to explain.

"Time warp?"

"Not sure how else to describe it. It was definitely supposed to be taking place now, I could tell, but so much of that didn't make sense, given how we were behaving and where we all were as people, and in life. It was like nothing had changed at all since I graduated from Yale. Except Grandpa was still gone," she amended, casting a sombre glance at the portrait of Richard Gilmore that hung in the more formal dining area of the large open space. "We were dealing with that like it was fairly fresh though," she added in a curious tone. "But other than that, nobody had evolved, progressed. I, on the other hand, had devolved and regressed." She took a breath. "Jess, it was-"

"Bad, I know."

Rory continued to recollect. "But timewise, yeah, it was definitely supposed to be now. Or, actually," she said as she thought about it further, "maybe it was last winter, because I remember it snowing. Oh, wait..." She frowned in concentration. "We were at the outdoor pool a lot, so I guess it was also summer..."

"See, told you! Here we go!" Jess gloated. "These dreams never make sense."

"No, no, see, that changing seasons part actually did make sense, mostly." She paused to reflect. "You know, it might have been a few distinct separate dreams, now that I think about it."

"Okay."

"Yes!" she remembered clearly. "Yes! It was definitely...four separate dreams strung together back-to-back. One dream for each season!" she pronounced with excitement. "Together they covered a whole year in our lives. This past year." She eagerly reached for her pregnancy journal. "Let's see, I got six hours deep REM sleep last night, so, 90 minutes per dream, four dreams, one after the other. Makes up one whole year."

Jess smiled. "Now that's the Rory I know."

"Not at all the Rory you know! Just wait," she warned ominously.

"Efficient, orderly," he explained with a nod to the journal. "But, just so you're aware, most dreams are like 90 seconds max, not 90 minutes."

"Well these sure felt like they dragged on all night!" Rory answered, tossing the vinyl covered notebook back on the coffee table. "One dream for each season," she repeated with conviction. "Winter, spring, summer and fall."

"All you have to do is call?" Jess warbled, trying to lighten up her mood.

"Oh my God, Carole King!" Rory cried out.

"I was going for James Taylor, but okay."

"No, I mean, yes! I just remembered Carole King was in my dream! "Impressive," she marvelled, "How did you know that?"

Jess just shrugged. "Kinda predictable, to be honest. I know your thought process by now."

"She wasn't herself though. She kind of morphed into Sophie Bloom in my dream."

"Who?"

"From the music store?" Rory reminded him. "And she produced Lane and Zach's last EP? Anyway, she popped in there, Carole slash Sophie," she continued, "and, um...she was part of this weird, random, like...play thing, I think?" She fought to recall the details. "Eww, yuck, yeah, it was like a dream within a dream, about a Stars Hollow musical?...or something like that?" She scrunched up her face in an effort to recollect. "So bizarre. I guess it was like a fifth part to the dream, maybe, because it didn't fit in with the rest the segments or seasons at all. Or have anything to do with any of us, come to think of it. Or anyone we know or care about. Weird," she said with a grimace. "Huh. I really have no idea why I dreamed that stuff, and to be honest, it was so pointless and dull I can barely remember any of it. So can we please just skip over that part of the dream analysis, Dr. Freud?"

"Gladly. Let us never speak of it again," Jess pronounced. "Okay, so, this four-part dream was about this past year, but not really, and it felt real, but not really," he recapped.

"Right."

"Because of a time warp," he puzzled out.

"And because I was a heartless bitch."

"We'll get to that part. But please don't be too worried about that aspect of it, I'm not," Jess said sincerely. "Explain what you meant with the time warp thing again, though."

"Well, it was like, now, but people's behavior didn't correspond..." She heaved a frustrated sigh. "This is so hard to explain. Okay, do you remember in The Brady Bunch Movie-"

"No," he Jessed.

"-how some people seemed to be living in the 70s and some people were seen living in the 90s, or now, or whatever?"

"Oh, so these dreams of yours kept bouncing around through time?" he tried to understand. "Like with flashbacks and stuff? Sounds cool, actually."

"NO!" Rory snapped. "Where on earth did you get that idea?"

Jess reared back. "I honestly don't know. My bad. Sorry."

"Aw, no, I'm sorry, Jess." She reached for him. "You're trying to help, and I'm being awful. Just like in the dream. Huh," she considered, "Maybe I am just a closet mega bitch after all, finally unleashing my wrath." She gasped. "Is that what this dream meant? Was it just a giant 'fuck you, I do what I want' to everyone who ever cared about me?"

"Rory," Jess started to admonish.

"But no, hon," Rory continued contritely, "not time warp like flashbacks, time warp like in The Brady Bunch Movie in that life has apparently gone on normally for everybody else except for the main characters onscreen," she tried to clarify again. "Except The Brady Bunch Movie was funny. And a surprisingly conceptually clever twist on nostalgia, whereas this mega dream of mine was just cringeworthy."

"Can you say 'The Brady Bunch Movie' one more time, please?" he snickered. "Didn't know you were such an aficionado of that particular cinematic classic."

"My freshman roommate Tana was weirdly obsessed with it," Rory explained with a dismissive wave. "Amongst other odd things. Some things just stuck I guess."

"All right," Jess moved on, "so, your bad dream was a review of this past year, one season at a time. So you became pregnant again then?" he asked leadingly.

"Um, again? No." She dropped her head, embarrassed to look at him. "Bad Dream Rory is so evil she negates her first born. I was pregnant, but there was no Richie." She stifled a sob. "I am a bad mother and a bad person!"

"Please stop that." Jess pulled Rory's hands from her face and held them to his lips. "You know that's not true, and it's not productive. I have a theory." He kissed her hands before lowering them back to her lap. "Now, in your dream, Richard had just died recently, right?" Rory nodded as Jess continued, "But he actually passed away the last time you were pregnant. So, okay then, you're just merging the two," he concluded. "That happens in all dreams, pretty sure. Dreams are really just an amalgamation of a bunch of different things all mushed up together and condensed. So," he reasoned, "the four seasons, the year thing, was just a way of your mind trying to compartmentalize. Deal with Richard and all the other past changes in one fell swoop. Editing for time," he said, smiling at her gently. "You've got to cut yourself some slack, Rory. The whole basis for this weird dream is probably you being concerned about being pregnant again. To me, that says you're a GOOD mom, a good person, not a bad one."

"I don't know," Rory hedged, "I think I was only pregnant at the very end of the dream. Yes, that's right!" she suddenly remembered. "The whole dream ended with me telling mom about it." She thought about it some more. "But you might be right. For whatever reason, me ending up pregnant for the first time seems really important, pivotal to the dream somehow." She paused again in recollection, then began to describe the scenario to Jess. "Okay, so right before I woke up I was sitting in the gazebo with Mom, like we used to, and I said, 'Mom?' and she said, 'Yes?' and I said, 'I'm pregnant.' Even though - further proof of my debauchery - we each had a bottle of booze with us. But that's just a small aside. Lump that on to the multitude of things so, so very wrong with this dream. And that was it. Boom- one, two, three, four little words, and then I woke up. What do you make of that?" she asked Jess, but plowed on without waiting for his answer. "I don't get it. I mean, I get the sense this was supposed to be some kind of profound exchange between me and Mom, some moment we've been waiting on for a long time. But I also feel like that ship has sailed, except my ego or id or whatever controls dreams was too proud to admit that and retool the message for me." She repeated the last four words of her dream to him. "'Mom' 'Yes?' 'I'm pregnant.' So?" she asked him. "So what? What is the big scandal about becoming a single parent in your thirties these days?"

"Single?" Jess questioned, but Rory continued on her roll.

"It's not like I'd be following in mom's footsteps in any way, not really. I don't know, I feel like my psyche was going for some kind of full-circle, history-repeats-itself morality tale with a big O'Henryesque ending, but now it's just too late for that, and..." She looked at Jess imploringly. "Help me out here."

"You can't go home again," he offered.

"Exactly," she answered glumly. "I wish I never had this dream."

"No I mean, maybe that's what your dream means. Maybe you're anxious that we've settled back in Stars Hollow?" he suggested. "We do have a checkered history here."

"I love it here!" Rory argued. "I'm sure that's not it." Her mood lifted slightly as she peered out their bay window onto the square. "Who wouldn't want the chance to live and raise a family in magical, mythical Stars Hollow, Connecticut?" she smiled at him. "You know, Taylor says tourists come from all over the world just to take pictures at that gazebo."

Jess rolled his eyes. "Sure they do."

"There was quite a bit of Hollow-ness in the dream," she admitted. "I'll give you that."

"Hollowness? Ah, so you agree this dream doesn't...ring true," Jess said triumphantly.

"Ba-dum-tss. Nice dad joke."

"Just trying to keep the mood light as we plow through the rest of this wacko dream. So," he continued to tease, "congrats, first-time single mom!" He pointed at her stomach. "Speaking of dads though, it's at least mine, right?" The instant fading of Rory's smile gave him his answer. "Oh," he said sadly, but quickly recovered. "No big deal. Dreams are weird."

"Well, wait, uh…maybe, actually?" she frowned in concentration. "I don't know. Kinda fuzzy on that. We weren't married, or even a couple in the dream," she winced. "We were friends, though," she added quickly. "Possibly with benefits. Kinda of fuzzy on that too."

Sensing his hurt despite his claims to the contrary, Rory moved closer to Jess and took his hands in hers again. "You were important though. In the dream. I could tell. I don't think you were in it very much, but quality over quantity, right? I think you represented the voice of reason. The only true adult in the whole dream. The rest of us were all emotionally stilted one way or another. You were there for us all, we'd check in with you and you'd keep us grounded. It's probably a compliment," she reflected. "It means you're a good solid family man now, a good father." She leaned in and gave him an appreciative hug and a sweet kiss. "A good husband."

He kissed her forehead gently in return. "So you'll keep me?"

"Till death do us part," she smiled.

"I tried to keep YOU grounded?" Jess continued to analyze. "That's quite a switch, huh?"

"Yes, literally, grounded." Rory remembered bitterly. "Because even though I had no career to speak of and no steady income, I also had no morals and no shame so I was constantly jetting off to Europe for secret rendezvous with-."

Rory clamped her mouth shut as the memories of her heinous dream behaviour with Logan came flooding back. She didn't think it was necessary to throw those particular details in her husband's face. But Jess was too perceptive. He raised one eyebrow at her and attempted once again to joke her out of her despair.

"So you were dream cheating on me with the blond dick, huh?" He gave his head an admonishing shake. "Not a very good wife."

"Don't mock! Not your wife at all, I told you!" she lamented as she stood and started pacing. "I'm so sorry, Jess. You should be grateful I didn't dream us... together," she added despondently. "I obviously don't deserve you."

"Hey, hey, come on," Jess tried to console her. "I'm not really upset. I'm just kidding around. And this part's easy to analyze," he told her. "You've only got Huntzberger on the brain because he and his family have been getting all that press lately for that new residency program they started. They're promoting the shit out of it."

"True," Rory conceded.

"And us not being married, or together in your dream," Jess continued, "me not being a victim of this 'Bad Rory' you've conjured up for whatever reason? I think it's a good sign," he said sincerely. "You wouldn't let yourself cheat on me, even in a dream. Your true psyche wouldn't allow that. See? That's GOOD," he stressed.

"No, but I was cheating on someone in the dream. That's bad," she countered. "Someone whom I treated like shit simply because he was quiet, sweet and kind."

That piqued his curiosity. "Wait, you had a different husband? I thought you were single. Who was it?"

"Boyfr- uh, fiancé," Rory corrected. "Just some generic guy. Can't even remember what he looked liked. Or his name. What was his name?" she struggled to recall. "It had one syllable. Dave? Dan?" she frowned. "You know, come to think of it, that was part of the dream. Not remembering his name. Nice, huh? I was engaged to a guy, constantly blew him off or stood him up, cheated on him repeatedly - Oh, including a one night stand with a Wookie, by the way-"

"No way!" Jess laughed.

"Wookie cosplayer," she clarified, then continued, "-got pregnant, probably with someone else's kid, but still couldn't be bothered to give him the courtesy of breaking up with him. And the whole time, I couldn't even remember the poor guy's name!"

"Harsh. You know, Jess has one syllable." he pointed out. "Should I be worried?"

"Paul!" Rory exclaimed victoriously. "And yes, maybe you should be. Apparently I just like having guys around to treat like dirt and cheat on while they worship my greatness unrequitedly."

"Oh, yeah, that sounds exactly like you." Jess muttered sarcastically. "Totally accurate. Come ON, Rory," he beseeched her. "How can you be legit bothered by this dream? It's so ridiculously off-base in terms of character development and logic you can't possibly take it seriously. If I gave you this as a draft of something I was working on, you'd tell me to scrap it all and start over."

"So you're saying I'm not a good dream writer?" she gasped in mock offense.

"Sorry, not this time." He gave her his patented crooked smile. "So far it sounds like really bad fanfiction."

"Ha!" she pounced. "I knew you were a closet fanfic reader!"

"I only like the stuff with vampires and evil twins," Jess chuckled. "Got any of that coming up in this dream?"

"No, sorry, but some of it's so surreal it does have a supernatural kind of vibe to it."

"More ghosts of boyfriends past?" he asked her. "Hey, Dean has one syllable! Bag boy show up in the dreams too?"

"Oh yeah, he made his obligatory cameo," Rory laughed bitterly. "Like you did. As though you guys were both doing me some quick favor to appear in my dream, because you've moved on to other things. Oh!" she gasped again. "Sookie too! I just remembered! She also kind of just popped into the whole dream as an afterthought." She scowled in self-annoyance. "Like she's not an important part of the Dragonfly's huge success? Like Mom and I aren't indebted or grateful to her? Like she's not a huge part of our lives and always will be?" she ranted. "It's almost like I really didn't want her there drawing attention away from us, but hey, it's internationally famous Superchef Sookie St. James, so how could I not include her in my little dream? So I reluctantly threw her in there for a second."

"She is a fan favorite," Jess smirked. "Gotta please the masses."

"God, Dream Rory is such a self-centered narcissist!" Rory continued to berate herself. "Oh, and poor April as well. I tossed her in there for a half a second too," she suddenly remembered.

"Not always such a fan favorite."

"Don't even go there." Rory gave him a playful swat. "I changed her in the dream too, by the way. Made her into this clichéd, generic millennial snowflake we barely knew or saw. So cringy," Rory told him. "Why would I do that?" she asked rhetorically. "Do I resent April?"

"Nah, you adore your right-brained Eli mini-me." Jess waved towards the photo of the identically beaming, identically blue-swagged April and Rory he took at homecoming last year.

"After our awkward start," Rory continued, "and everything we've all been through together and learned to come to terms with, after all this time she and Mom spent on their relationship, and her living with them through Yale, you know she wasn't even at Mom and Luke's wedding?"

"Huh? Of course she was."

"In my dream, Jess." Rory corrected sharply, then caught herself. "Oh, sorry, I'm jumping around here, I almost forgot to tell you the best part: Mom and Luke finally got married near the end of the dream! Which is supposed to take place now-ish, not like a decade ago!" she reminded him. "But April wasn't there. She did her one obligatory scene in an earlier season and vamoose. So much for family ties, huh? And healing. And realistic progression," she vented.

Rory started pacing again, growing increasingly agitated as she remembered more and more illogical details of her dream. "So they finally got married, but Mom wore a black dress! To her wedding! Whoa! That has to mean something, right? I mean, dream symbolism 101, hello? Help me here, Sigmund!"

"Not really my field. I wore black to their wedding too," Jess quipped. "And to ours."

Rory ignored his attempts at levity and kept ranting. "Oh my god, did I not want Mom and Luke to reconcile all those years ago? Am I subconsciously resentful they're together?"

"Why would YOU be resentful?" he snorted. "I'm the one saddled with Lorelai as an aunt AND a mother-in-law."

"Oh. My. God!" she repeated more forcefully. "What is my damage? Do I not want Mom and Luke to be happy together?"

"Rory!" He grabbed her shoulders in an effort to curb the near hysteria. "Everybody in the WORLD wanted to see a happy ending for Luke and Lorelai!"

"Apparently, not everybody," she spat out. "Oh, I'm awful!"

Tired of going in circles, Jess tried to distract her from her self-deprecation. "So," he said conversationally, "why'd they wait so long to get married in your dream? That is kind of bizarre, I'll grant you that. Did they explain? What were they doing all that time?"

"I...really don't know," Rory tried to concentrate. "It was so weird. Not much, I think?" She scratched her head. "Let's see, they, uh, walked around the town square holding hands, and they, um, bickered over VHS tapes of Lifetime movies? That's kind of what I'm talking about with the time warp thing. See?"

"Starting to, yeah."

"Now that I think about it, Luke really didn't have much to do in the dreams. I mean, he was in them enough, but he didn't seem to have much importance in our current lives, even to Mom. He was just like, the guy she was with. Her...Paul. Hey," she asked Jess, "do you think I'm jealous, that I think Luke ended up with too much significance and influence in Mom's life?"

Jess just shrugged tiredly, and Rory continued on.

"I mean, in the dream Luke was basically just following Mom around like a puppy, still running the diner, flipping her burgers, pouring her coffee and waiting for her to dictate their next move as a couple. Oh, right," she added, "that was part of the dream too. He never expanded or changed Luke's at all, never launched his Luke's Coffee line, never opened the organic café with Mrs. Kim. Just stayed the same, like some big middle-aged flannel and baseball cap wearing simple man-child. Remember that old plain blue hat he used to wear every day, before Mom had the 'Luke's Diner' ones made up? The one she keeps in the memento curio?"

"Kinda hard to forget."

"Well, he was still wearing it! The same original hat from like 18 years ago!"

"Gross."

"Right? And they didn't have the girls, of course. Bad Rory negates her own sisters," she said with disdain. "They were at least living together, I think, but it was still in our old house. And he would basically just whine at mom and beg her not to leave him. And whine to you about how he was worried mom would leave him."

"That does NOT sound like the same guy who pushed me in a lake and kicked my ass when I needed it."

"Yeah, he wasn't himself either. Not nasty, like me, or a cliché, like April, just, no real complexity. And there certainly wasn't that Cowardesque give and take, that spark between him and Mom that everyone still talks about," she lamented. "Except," she remembered, "then, every once in while he'd step it up and give her these big, grandiose, emotional speeches, pouring his heart out, begging her to stay."

"Stay?" Jess picked up on that word. "Where was she going?"

Rory thought about it for a minute, then started giggling softly. "Okay, ready? My mother, Lorelai Victoria Gilmore, was heading off to do...Wild!"

Jess blinked, took a second, and then deadpanned, "Book or movie?"

"Ugh! I knew you were going to say that. That's what everyone kept saying in the dream, too! Like it was some really witty topical reference. Just, no. It was so tedious!"

"Well I'm also going to say THIS," Jess countered. "Lorelai Gilmore, on Wild? Just, no, right back atcha! Rory," he stated firmly, "there is absolutely nothing, including the death of her father, that would make your mother change so radically to her core so as to choose to embark on Wild. Book or movie. EVER. And right there, that moment, is when you should have popped up in bed and yelled a huge, 'NOPE!' At the very least it should be your tip-off now that this whacked-out dream should not be analyzed in any remotely serious capacity," he ranted. It's too over-the-top unrealistic, even for a dream! Trust me, I'm a writer," he said, only half-joking. "The character inconsistency just makes the whole thing untenable as decent narrative. These storylines would NEVER happen to these people in real life. It's so unbelievable it would be like, like…" He tried to think of a good analogy.

"Like Luke hiding April from Mom? Like Mom marrying Dad in Paris without telling me?"

"Touché," Jess smiled. "Still though, Wild? Lorelai? Come on. That's next level."

"Yeah, okay," Rory conceded with a smile of her own.

"I still think this whole dream has something to do with the new pregnancy," Jess declared. "Or motherhood in general. Or the fear of having a second kid. They say that changes everything. Neither one of us grew up with a sibling. And you do come from a long line of Gilmore only children."

Rory gave that some thought. "You might be right."

"Yeah?" Jess blew out a breath, relieved that he had broken through. But his relief was short-lived.

"Yeah," Rory confirmed, after a long pause to recall more details of the dream. "Because Bad Rory really seemed to have no concept of what children or a real family entailed!" she started up again. "Or their purpose. It's like this motherhood thing was completely foreign to me, I had no concept that kids and or a strong family unit actually enrich your life, not subvert it." Rory shook her head. "Horrible, selfish person, I'm telling you!"

"Shit," Jess mumbled, as he realized he had inadvertently gotten her going once more.

"Some part of my psyche somewhere really has some kind of major issue with children," she processed as Jess pressed his head into his hands. "Or more than one child. When there were kids around, like Kwan and Stevie, I didn't interact with them or attempt to engage them. They were just kind of there in the background, more like props than complex characters."

"That's what you said about Luke though," he argued. "That is just universal dream simplification, Rory, nothing to do with you, or your true feelings about ki-"

"I must secretly hate children!" Rory cut him off. "And think they do nothing but interfere with career goals! Uch, like it's an either-or scenario? What is wrong with me?" she cried in disgust.

Jess was beginning to lose his patience. "What the hell are you talking about?" he snapped.

"Lane and Zach!" Rory cried out as if it were obvious.

"What about them?"

"Well, I didn't take away their kids, like I did ours or Mom's, so instead I denied them their career success, their music fame." Rory lowered her head again as she shared more details. "They weren't even musicians anymore! They gave up," she said sadly. "Why did I dream that? I'm cruel."

"You're not cruel, Rory," Jess said tiredly.

"In my dream Zach wore a tie and worked at his dad's office!"

"Zach doesn't even have a dad," Jess pointed out. "More dream nonsense."

"I mean, it's not like they're major superstars," Rory went on, "but they've achieved a decent amount of success, their iTunes and EP sales are strong, their YouTube channel is booming, and they perform live and tour whenever they can," she listed. "They're making a good living as creative artists and have a solid national fanbase, all while raising a family in Connecticut. Not an easy feat by any means."

"Tell me about it," Jess concurred as he looked around his home office/writing nook/family room meaningfully.

"But they did it! And I thought I was happy and proud for my best friend. So why did I subconsciously obliterate that for her?"

"Because dreams make no sense!" Jess yelled in frustration. "Rory, you have GOT to stop this!"

"I'm awful," she ignored him. "Why couldn't I just let them have their music success?"

Jess reverted to his patented sarcasm. "Doesn't sound like Luke had much to do in your dream. Maybe you should have dreamed him as the big rock star."

"Haha."

Rory moved to the kitchen of area of their open concept home and reached for the coffee pot. "It's his newest home blend. Decaf," she defended pre-emptively as she poured them each a big mugful.

"Yeah, you're right," Jess said after he took a sip, "on second thought, let's have Luke stick to the coffee biz. So," he continued, "other than ignoring the VanGerbig bunch, which by the way, I'm tempted to do myself sometimes, and denying the existence of your own child and siblings, any other kid issues we should be analyzing here, or was that it? 'Cuz I really think you're overreacting."

"Oh, I'm not. I can go on and on about the kid weirdness."

"Go on then, gimme your worst," Jess offered as they moved back to the living area.

"Okay, well, analyze this, Billy Crystal. There were these other random neighbourhood boys hanging around us, and basically Mom and I used them as slaves," Rory informed him. "They ran errands for us, held our umbrellas at the pool while we lounged, that kind of thing. They all but peeled us grapes. Why, Jess?" she practically pleaded. "What does that even mean?"

"Okay, that is odd," he acquiesced. "There must be more to it."

"That's all I can remember. Why would I have strange kids fawn over me at a pool for no reason, then disappear from the dream entirely?"

"I guess you're a bad dream editor too, along with a bad dream writer," he joked. "Hey, at least you dreamed yourself by a pool a lot. That must have been nice."

"Not nice," she said as she finished her coffee. "Not nice at all. Did I tell you about the fat-shaming?"

"No," Jess chuckled.

"Not funny!" Rory admonished. "Not funny, and not nice! That's what we did at the pool while our slave boys shielded us from the sun...fat-shamed! Mom and I just lounged around mocking other people's bodies. Dream editor Rory left that important scene in, too, us being mean bullies for absolutely no reason. Is that what I think of myself?" she wondered, clearly mortified. "Is that how I want other people to see me? Do I think that people will think it's cute for me to behave that way or something?" she questioned. "Or am I just a basic bitch?"

Before Jess could even answer, Rory ramped it up again. "Oh, and speaking of basic bitches, guess who I did give children to? Paris! Paris Geller! Paris had two kids in the dream!" she ranted. "Paris doesn't even want kids! She told me so. She said that delivering babies for a living has made her realize that she has no desire to ever have a meconium covered creature tear up her perineum. Her words, not mine," she clarified. "That's why she's doing her MBA part-time now, now that she's finally finished her residencies. She told me she wants to," she air-quoted where appropriate, "'start up a surrogacy side hustle' so that one day, if she does decide 'to nurture a spawn to adulthood', she'll 'have the infrastructure in place to acquire said spawn in the most efficient and expedient way possible.'"

"Huh," Jess pondered. "That is kind of interesting. "Not the, uh, torn perineum bit," he winced. "You saddling her with kids she doesn't want in your dream. So, no med school for Dream Paris then?"

"Oh, she still went to medical school. And business school. Law school, too, I think. Apparently, Paris can get away with anything! And of course, in my dream, her surrogacy service was already magically up and running and already the biggest and best in the world."

"Of course, because, Paris."

Rory smiled at that despite herself. "So, let's see," she reviewed, "in less than ten years, Dream Paris went through four years of medical school, four years of OB-GYN residency, plus three more to become a reproductive subspecialist, three years of law school, one year of clerkship, two years of MBA, then started practicing as a gynecologist, became a leading fertility doctor, became a working lawyer and built up her practice, and also founded, owns and operates a surrogacy business that instantly grew into an international empire. And gave birth to and raised two children!"

Jess gave a low whistle. "That's some impressive time management. Even for Paris."

"Oh, and married and divorced Doyle," Rory added.

"Aw, poor Doyle's not part of the empire?"

"Nope," she grinned devilshly, "I made him a screenwriter in Hollywood."

"Well that's all kinds of wrong," Jess chuckled.

"Yeah, some dream stuff is just downright silly," Rory giggled as well, finally loosening up a bit with the absurdity of it all. "But go Paris, huh? Funny, though," Rory noted, "in that very same ten-year period, Mom and Luke couldn't even manage to have a single meaningful conversation about their future together! They just kept going on movie dates at the BWR, I guess," she laughed.

"Now that is some very UNimpressive time management." Jess concluded. "And someone in your dream really should have tipped them off about Netflix."

"Actually," Rory sobered once more, "maybe not so funny after all." She started filling Jess in on her most recent dream recollections. "The whole deal with Paris and her world-famous surrogacy service was that Mom was trying to convince Luke that they should use it, because, as I told you, Dream Rory eliminates her own sisters, so they have no kids, remember?" she said. "But for some reason, Luke was really stupid in my dream and couldn't figure out how surrogacy worked. He thought he had to have sex with the surrogate, and Mom kept correcting him. Why would I make Luke stupid?" she asked him. "Luke isn't stupid. He's smart and witty and complex and well-read and a great match for Mom's wit. Why did I do that?"

"Yeah, that's not funny," Jess agreed. "It's just dumb."

"But I digress. This is the truly unfunny part," Rory kept on ranting. "The reason they needed to go to a surrogate in the first place was because now Mom's over 50, and in the decade or so they've been permanently back together and committed to each other, while her bio clock was ticking away, not only did they never get married or engaged but they also forgot to talk about having children. Just plain forgot to discuss it!"

"They actually said those words in the dream!?" Jess asked incredulously. "That they forgot to discuss it?"

"Yes." Rory nodded definitively. "And this part of the dream I remember vividly, because Mom gave him one of her famous, 'Heyyyy Luke's so I was expecting something typically flirty and charming to come out of her mouth, but no, it was just, 'Hey, Luke, did you ever want to have a kid together? We never really discussed it.'"

"Wow," Jess laughed. "Yeah, okay, that is particularly cringeworthy dialogue."

"In fairness, I think I tried to throw in a cutesy Lorelai-ism, like 'fresh kid' or something. Does that make it better?"

"Nope. Sorry, but you truly are a schlocky dream writer," he smirked. "Don't quit your day job."

"Oh, but my day job is to write borscht belt schlock! Or to exist amongst that world, apparently. Here's more weird time warp stuff for you: The version of the Stars Hollow Gazette I work at in my dream is straight out of the past. Dial telephones, typewriters, microfiche and file cards, reference catalogues covered in dust, and staffed by these seniors who embody every lame old person stereotype cliché there is - hard of hearing, can't figure out today's technology, move super slowly- you get the gist."

"Wow, that's comedy gold."

"Yes, hilarity ensues as I try to deal with it all as I bravely and brashly pave my way in the world despite the outdated obstacles of a time gone by," Rory replied dryly. "Why? Why on earth would I dream that?" she questioned. "What on earth was my psyche trying to say with that?"

"That you harbor a secret desire to recreate yourself as a female comedy trailblazer from the 1950s?"

"Hmm," Rory pretended to consider. "Sure, maybe that's my true calling and everything I've done until now's just been a lead up to that. I did always admire Sally Rodgers," she added cheekily. "She could totally hold her own with Buddy and Rob, and then some. And Rose Marie is a total badass. I'll take it!"

"Sorry to be the bearer of bad news," Jess informed her, "but Rose Marie passed away last year. I saw it on the Emmy In Memoriam thing."

Rory gaped at him. "You watched the Emmys?"

"I was trying to get Richie to sleep," he responded in defense, as he picked up one of said sleeping boy's board books off the rug and tossed it into the nearby toy bin.

"So unlike you!" she marvelled. "You actually watched the Emmy broadcast, like on TV?" She nodded above their massive bookcase toward the flat screen she was certain he didn't even know how to turn on.

"No, Rory, I went to the Emmys in person," he snarked in typical Jess fashion. "I was nominated."

"Hee, me too," Rory played along. "I thought I saw you there!"

Jess smiled at his wife warmly, happy to see that, for the moment, she seemed somewhat less stressed about her disconcerting dream. Seizing the opportunity to focus her attention back to the relative utopia of their real lives, he reached out and took her hand. He guided her to their loveseat, picking up Richie's tiny hoodie and a stray sippy cup and moving them aside so she could sit. He knelt beside her.

"Okay, look, Rory," Jess began, "I think I get why this particular dream has freaked you out so much. Generally, you're not a big dreamer, really only when you're pregnant, right?" He waited for verification before continuing, "And usually, those are scary dreams. Scary in a more overt way," he quickly clarified. "But this time, you finally had what you thought was going to be a happy, simple, sweet dream, or set of dreams," he amended. "An innocent peek into our current, real, everyday lives. And so you were looking for it to be this comforting reassurance that everything is all right in your little corner of the world. Confirmation that everything has turned out just how you hoped and imagined it would for everyone you care about."

"But dreams don't work that way, do they?" Rory guessed where he was going.

"No." Jess shook his head sadly. "They play with your emotions and prey upon your secret fears and disappointments. And sometimes," he said slowly, "they shatter your expectations instead of affirming them. And that's rough." He looked at Rory and stated frankly, "I think you waited a really long time for a dream like this to come along, and it turned out to be a real letdown."

They each paused for a moment to process that.

"I think you're right."

"As for the actual dream itself, I honestly don't know why you dreamt all the...weirdness that you did. And I think YOU'RE right too. This was no ordinary dream we can just talk through. It was-"

"Bad?" Rory asked playfully.

"I was going to say, a dystopian nightmare. With all kinds of themes floating around of feminism, childbirth, female assertiveness and self-identity. So don't I know that I'm the best person to be analyzing it anyway," Jess said sheepishly. "I also don't know how or when those particular ideas got into your head, or why you chose to dream them now. But I do know this." He stared deep into Rory's eyes and spoke with earnest. "None of that is you. None of that is us. It's not our life. It's just not who we are." He stroked her face gently. "I'm not downplaying or dismissing your upset at how you behaved, but I really don't want you reading too much into it all, okay?"

Rory nodded and snuggled against him.

"In the end, it was just a dream," Jess continued. "A bad, ill-conceived, illogical dream. In time, hopefully, we'll just put it behind us and let the memories of it fade away into oblivion."

"Hope so," Rory whispered. "I'd like to forget it ever happened."

"We can. We have other, better, REAL memories to focus on. What you dreamt has absolutely nothing to do with who we really are. That dream is not us, Rory," Jess firmly reiterated. "Look around you," he gestured at their surroundings. "THIS is us."

Rory smiled at Jess as she took in the evidence of their happy, busy, family, work and social lives scattered about them. She looked out the window onto the town they loved, back inside to their shared home office space, toward the door with their napping son on the other side, over to the many photos of him, them and their uniquely blended family that adorned the warmly colored walls and shelves, and on to the tiny kitchen with its giant scheduling calendar and fridge covered in a collage of ultrasound photos, appointment notices, receipts, invitations and brilliant toddler artistry. She sighed contentedly, relieved and grateful to know that their lives did not turn out anything at all like they did in her dream.

If you're still here:

Thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoyed! ;)