Doesn't have much to do with the story; the prologue is mainly to set the
mood, and give some insight. ^_^ I don't own any of the Yu-Gi-Oh charas,
but I DO own Seto's journal and the school faculty that I make up. I'm also
considering taking a couple story requests if anybody wants them, since I'm
bored and want to distract myself from upcoming finals.... 0_0;; So if you
trust me enough to not screw it up, you can give me your request and e-mail
name, so we can talk! =) Can't guarantee how quickly it'll come out,
though....
~*~*~*~
What is this thing called love?
In movies, a man and a woman meet, are instantly attracted to each other, and by the time the hour is over and the credits roll, have declared their undying love for each other and made out. In fairy tales, lovers find each other through unlikely and fantastic means, to stay together in untainted bliss until the end of their days, and live happily ever after. In stories, the lovers are the main characters, who very quickly find and fall in love with each other, only to be torn apart, usually by a jealous acquaintance. Within a few hundred pages, they overcome the problem, are reunited, and have a steamy bedroom scene that can last for as long as 50 pages or more, if the writer is talented enough.
And though they may not seem very similar, or perhaps, to some eyes, not very different at all, there is usually but a single thread that ties these all together. True love. Love at first sight. As Romeo says, "Did my heart love till now? Forswear it, sight! For I ne'er saw true beauty till this night." That's all well and good in stories, but what is love like in real life?
Some people believe in true love, that there's only one person out there who could be their soulmate. Some people believe in love at first sight, that the bond is formed the minute you look at that special someone, and just know they're the one.
Well, some people might, but I don't.
We're all born with half a heart. A heart, gruesomely torn down the middle, and we receive one of those jagged halves. Who gets that other half, your special someone? Maybe. Maybe not. Honestly, there isn't a special someone. There never is. There isn't such a thing as love at first sight, either. We obviously need an entire heart to make us whole, don't we? And understandably, that other half needs to fit in precisely with our own, and fill in every nook and cranny that the jagged pieces leave. Love at first sight would be finding someone who's half heart slips neatly into place with your own, a perfect fit, on the very first try. Nobody's half heart can fit your own so precisely when you first meet them. It's impossible. Even if it could happen, the chances of you actually finding that person would be astronomical.
No, you've just got to take any half heart you can get. You have to spend time with the person, get to know them for a while, do things together. And when you do things with people, your hearts rub together, you see, and grind away at each other's sharp pieces. And after a while, if it works out, your half hearts' will have worn away some of each other's odd edges. If you've been together long enough, there will have been enough time to have worn each other's half hearts down so well that they slip together, a perfect fit, and form a single, united whole.
You are complete.
And that is love.
But as perfectly as they fit together, any minute imperfection can endanger the wellbeing of that love, threaten to make the other half heart break away from your own. Love hurts. Life is hard. Life will do the very best it can to hit you where it hurts, to fracture your heart and mind, body and soul. If it cracks your heart badly enough, then your half heart will be separated from the other, and you'll have to go through the process all over again, like breaking in a pair of shoes. Sometimes, it works. Sometimes, it's a lost cause. You have to be strong enough to resist all of those blows, to keep your heart from shattering, and be able to let your other half do the rest.
That's why I'm never going to fall in love.
Love takes strength. Love takes trust. Love takes courage. I don't have any of those things.
I've already had my heart shattered before. Several times, in fact. And each time, I've gathered it up again, piece by painful piece, and tried to put it back together. And once I finally manage it.... well, life goes on. It's got such a different shape that I can barely recognize it anymore. Sure, the outside looks mostly the same; it might have some nicks and cracks, a few scratches and dents to show the rough treatment, but it's the inside that really counts when it comes to these things. And the inside.... well, it's so wildly different that sometimes even I wonder what's happened to me. I don't know myself anymore.
Neither does anyone else. I won't let them.
The only person who might come close is Mokuba. Mokuba, my light and my life, my anchor and guide.... Even you don't know me anymore. I've just changed too much, too fast. And as smart as you are, even you can't navigate all the twists and turns of the events that have made me who I am. I tried to stay the same for you, heaven knows I have, but times change. So do I. And so do you.
I can follow your changes. It's so easy, compared to tracing my own... I can easily see who you've once been in who are. Stay that way, Mokuba. Keep being the brother I know and love; you're the only thing I ever will.
I'd like to fall in love, for you. If I did, you'd have another, surrogate sibling, in addition to me. Maybe someone to act like the parents you never really had. You'd get the attention that I'm sometimes too busy to give you, the attention you deserve. But then again, if I did fall in love, would I have enough time for either of you? I might just end up making two people miserable, instead of one. I never wanted to hurt anybody...
So that settles it, then. I guess I won't ever try to love. I already-- and will continue to-- hold my half heart near as can be, to protect it. I shut myself away from other people. I'm afraid of trying to wear my heart down to fit with somebody else's. If I let anyone get too close... well, somebody ends up getting hurt. Them, me, sometimes both. I can take it; I just can't take having somebody else needing to.
I'll stay alone, stay jagged. That's just the way it has to be. I'll never be complete. It doesn't matter though; I never have been, anyway. Sometimes, though, I just wonder... is it truly better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all?
~ Excerpt from the journal of Seto Kaiba
~*~*~*~
What is this thing called love?
In movies, a man and a woman meet, are instantly attracted to each other, and by the time the hour is over and the credits roll, have declared their undying love for each other and made out. In fairy tales, lovers find each other through unlikely and fantastic means, to stay together in untainted bliss until the end of their days, and live happily ever after. In stories, the lovers are the main characters, who very quickly find and fall in love with each other, only to be torn apart, usually by a jealous acquaintance. Within a few hundred pages, they overcome the problem, are reunited, and have a steamy bedroom scene that can last for as long as 50 pages or more, if the writer is talented enough.
And though they may not seem very similar, or perhaps, to some eyes, not very different at all, there is usually but a single thread that ties these all together. True love. Love at first sight. As Romeo says, "Did my heart love till now? Forswear it, sight! For I ne'er saw true beauty till this night." That's all well and good in stories, but what is love like in real life?
Some people believe in true love, that there's only one person out there who could be their soulmate. Some people believe in love at first sight, that the bond is formed the minute you look at that special someone, and just know they're the one.
Well, some people might, but I don't.
We're all born with half a heart. A heart, gruesomely torn down the middle, and we receive one of those jagged halves. Who gets that other half, your special someone? Maybe. Maybe not. Honestly, there isn't a special someone. There never is. There isn't such a thing as love at first sight, either. We obviously need an entire heart to make us whole, don't we? And understandably, that other half needs to fit in precisely with our own, and fill in every nook and cranny that the jagged pieces leave. Love at first sight would be finding someone who's half heart slips neatly into place with your own, a perfect fit, on the very first try. Nobody's half heart can fit your own so precisely when you first meet them. It's impossible. Even if it could happen, the chances of you actually finding that person would be astronomical.
No, you've just got to take any half heart you can get. You have to spend time with the person, get to know them for a while, do things together. And when you do things with people, your hearts rub together, you see, and grind away at each other's sharp pieces. And after a while, if it works out, your half hearts' will have worn away some of each other's odd edges. If you've been together long enough, there will have been enough time to have worn each other's half hearts down so well that they slip together, a perfect fit, and form a single, united whole.
You are complete.
And that is love.
But as perfectly as they fit together, any minute imperfection can endanger the wellbeing of that love, threaten to make the other half heart break away from your own. Love hurts. Life is hard. Life will do the very best it can to hit you where it hurts, to fracture your heart and mind, body and soul. If it cracks your heart badly enough, then your half heart will be separated from the other, and you'll have to go through the process all over again, like breaking in a pair of shoes. Sometimes, it works. Sometimes, it's a lost cause. You have to be strong enough to resist all of those blows, to keep your heart from shattering, and be able to let your other half do the rest.
That's why I'm never going to fall in love.
Love takes strength. Love takes trust. Love takes courage. I don't have any of those things.
I've already had my heart shattered before. Several times, in fact. And each time, I've gathered it up again, piece by painful piece, and tried to put it back together. And once I finally manage it.... well, life goes on. It's got such a different shape that I can barely recognize it anymore. Sure, the outside looks mostly the same; it might have some nicks and cracks, a few scratches and dents to show the rough treatment, but it's the inside that really counts when it comes to these things. And the inside.... well, it's so wildly different that sometimes even I wonder what's happened to me. I don't know myself anymore.
Neither does anyone else. I won't let them.
The only person who might come close is Mokuba. Mokuba, my light and my life, my anchor and guide.... Even you don't know me anymore. I've just changed too much, too fast. And as smart as you are, even you can't navigate all the twists and turns of the events that have made me who I am. I tried to stay the same for you, heaven knows I have, but times change. So do I. And so do you.
I can follow your changes. It's so easy, compared to tracing my own... I can easily see who you've once been in who are. Stay that way, Mokuba. Keep being the brother I know and love; you're the only thing I ever will.
I'd like to fall in love, for you. If I did, you'd have another, surrogate sibling, in addition to me. Maybe someone to act like the parents you never really had. You'd get the attention that I'm sometimes too busy to give you, the attention you deserve. But then again, if I did fall in love, would I have enough time for either of you? I might just end up making two people miserable, instead of one. I never wanted to hurt anybody...
So that settles it, then. I guess I won't ever try to love. I already-- and will continue to-- hold my half heart near as can be, to protect it. I shut myself away from other people. I'm afraid of trying to wear my heart down to fit with somebody else's. If I let anyone get too close... well, somebody ends up getting hurt. Them, me, sometimes both. I can take it; I just can't take having somebody else needing to.
I'll stay alone, stay jagged. That's just the way it has to be. I'll never be complete. It doesn't matter though; I never have been, anyway. Sometimes, though, I just wonder... is it truly better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all?
~ Excerpt from the journal of Seto Kaiba