A/N: This idea came at me with full force at exactly 11:52 PM on a Saturday Night. I then spent that night writing this. And then the following night. And the nights after that.

Inspired by a video on Katawa Shoujo (the dating sim), completely ripped off of SAO: The Eroge (Seriously, SaintInfernalNeos is a great author and gets all credit for the idea. Check him out.), and obviously based on Shield Hero. I have made Naofumi a bit(read: completely) OOC according to the anime, but the WN portrays him a little bit like this, and It's plot convenience, so meh. That's it, so enjoy!

Isekai Dating Sim Help Manual

Welcome to a brand new world. Here you can fight monsters, become rich, or the best thing, become a playboy! This manual here shows you the stepping stones to getting your first girl!

Tip 1: Don't panic. You may be confused, but it's alright. Those worries will be washed away soon by romance!

"Be careful what you wish for."

It's an old saying. One repeated time and time again, the moral of many stories. Something embedded in children's books and poems alike.

It's something we all should follow. I didn't. And I couldn't be more glad.

Introductions, right? I'm Naofumi Iwatani. I live with my parents. They gave up on me once they found my… sizable collection of adult entertainment. They pushed my little brother into doing good in school and "not becoming a degenerate" like me. It must've broken the little guy, cause he ended up getting involved in something about a gang, drugs, and playboys. I corrected him.

By "correcting" him, I mean introducing him to the world of 2D women and body pillows. The world gained a new otaku that day, and I couldn't be prouder. I glanced in his room. A bottle of lotion sat on his desk. Nope. Not today, Satan.

I proceeded downstairs and poured myself a bowl of tasteless cornflakes and nearly expired milk. Living at home with allowance was a good thing, but luxuries were still out of reach. I mean, I could get a job to add to my income. Pfft. Not gonna happen. Not unless some tropey, big titty onee-chan is my boss.

I opened the door and covered my eyes. Sunny day. If I was normal, I'd enjoy this. But I'm not. I get my Vitamin D from the milk I just ate, thank you. Ate? Drank? I mean you eat cereal, but milk is meant to be drinked. Drank? Ugh, language confuses me.

I walked down the road, slouching. The green hoodie I was wearing had a brown stain on it. I sniffed it quickly. No scent. Oh well, I can reuse it tomorrow. Two girls were chatting on the opposite side of the road. I scanned them. Neither's bust was particularly impressive. The left's behind was above average, but not anything noteworthy. I averted my eyes as they glanced up. Nothing to see here ladies, just an otaku who ran out of money, that's all.

I entered the library. The faint smell of paper wafted towards me. I welcomed the scent. I continued my way to the Light Novel section. Hopefully, they'd updated the number of titles they have. I browsed the top shelf. Read that one, that one too, also that, wait! Ah! They have the new volume of Strawberry Girls! My brother would have his lotion bottle empty over this! I grabbed the book and pulled it from the shelf. Friction between the other books caused a red book I hadn't noticed before fall onto my head. It was quite heavy. "Damn it!" I cursed under my breath. I held my copy of Strawberry Girls volume 7 in my hand tight. I picked up the book that had fallen. "The four cardinal weapons?" I read. A shonen? Nah, not my type. I was going to put the book back, but an Illustration caught my eye.

"Hm, this girl in here has a nice bust," I commented. I flipped to the front of the book. At least know the plot of the book before enjoying it. The story seemed to be about 4 heroes who would have to save the world. They were summoned from different worlds. "Ah, an isekai," I said to no one. I flipped through the pages. The heroes seemed charismatic. They wielded four weapons. One got a bow, another got a sword, one got a spear and then the last guy got a Shield. I scoffed. "A shield isn't even a weapon. I flipped to the Shield Hero's pages. The first page described the game-like menu he had. "Aw, I want to be in a dating sim like this guy!" I said. I flipped to the next page. It was blank.

"What the-" I didn't finish my sentence as the book floated from my hands and glowed yellow. The library fell away. Before I knew it, I was falling. "Woahhhh!" I yelled.

I landed on a cold floor with an oomph. It was a wet floor. "Ah, it worked!" I heard a voice say. I looked up from the floor and saw a bunch of people surrounding me. Or rather us. Three other guys landed standing next to me. They're lucky. I stood up. My hoodie now smelled of mildew. I noticed a weight on my arm. I looked down and saw a shield with a green gem in its center. It wasn't a very large shield. I looked at the other people beside me. They were holding a spear, a sword, and a bow. Oh fuck, did I just become part of that light novel?

"So, are you all gonna tell us where we are?" The one with the sword called out. The pattern that had been glowing on the floor stopped shining. "Heroes! Please save our world!" The men in robes fell to their knees and bowed. The other heroes went "Huh?" I just looked away. I'm gonna just cut the bullshit. This is an isekai. I'm gonna now have to defeat some demon king, have to do some shit, and never go back home. If I'm the protagonist though, I'll get myself a sweet harem. Nice!

"Look, I know what we're supposed to do, they probably now know what we're supposed to do. Just take us to your Leader or something." My bored expression turned to an amused smile at the reference. The robed man waved us forward. "Come. The king would like to have a royal audience with you." The spearman planted the back of his weapon into the ground. "Don't think we'll do this for free." The other two spoke up. "Yeah, what are our rewards for saving you?" The yellow-haired boy asked. Royalty, much?

"Come with us. The king will meet with you and you can discuss terms there." The robed man waved for us. The other "heroes" and I followed them. "It smells nice here. The breeze is fresh." The sword guy said. "Yeah, I'd say the climate's eastern Mediterranean. Right, Shield?" I glanced up. "Don't ask me. I barely left my house back in Japan." They shook their heads like I was supposed to be a rich traveler.

We entered a large hall. For the first time, I got a good look at the other heroes. The bow hero was a yellow-haired teenager. He looked like he just hit puberty. The one with a sword was a mature, black haired guy. He'd be around my age. The spear guy looked older, but his uniform suggested he was still in high school. He glanced at me. His eyes bulged when they reached my right hand. "S-Strawberry Girls!?" I smirked at him. "Volume seven. Fresh from the library, practically brand new." I waved the raunchy cover in his face and he drooled. The other two heroes rolled their eyes.

"I am Aultcray Melromarc the 32nd man to bear that name." A large old man sitting on a throne bellowed. He wore some robes lined with fur. A crown sat upon his head. "I am the king of these lands. If you're able to save us from the waves of destruction, we will reward you handsomely. Now, Heroes! Speak your names!" The other heroes stepped forward. "Ren Amaki. 16 years old. High school student." The one with a sword said. He was a typical pretty boy. Brown streaks, neat hair and short stature. If he cross dressed, I wouldn't blame a guy for thinking he was a girl.

The guy in overwhelming yellow stepped up. "Itsuki Kamasuki. 17 years old and a high school student." He had wavy hair and had a rich kid aura.

The spear guy who was still eyeing the light novel in my hands spoke. "Motoyasu Kimura. 21, college student." Huh. Why was he wearing a high school uniform then? His body looked like the foreign men I've seen online. I wouldn't be surprised if he was a playboy. I stepped up to speak. "Yo. Naofumi Iwat-" The king cut me off.

"Yes, Ren, Itsuki and Motoyasu." Ignoring me? I'm taking that as a challenge. "Hey, you're forgetting me!" I called out. The king looked at me. "Ah, yes. The Shield Hero." Oh, the tone he has when he says, Shield. "Naofumi Iwatani. 20 years old. College student." He looks away from me. "You have been summoned to fight the waves of Destruction. They are predicted to come by the ancient Dragon Hourglasses. The first we underestimated. We fought off the monsters, but we realize the importance of the heroes now. Please save our world!" The robed man steps forward. "Please, check your status, heroes." I quirked an eyebrow. "Status?" Itsuki asked. "It's the first thing you should have noticed. Look in the corner of your vision." I followed his instruction to find two icons. One was pink with a heart in it and the other was an icon with three dots.

Wait, why was there an Icon with hearts on it? My thoughts seemed to activate the icon because I heard a chime. It wasn't from around me, it was coming straight into my head. A menu popped up in front of me.

『Would you like to enter Dating Sim Mode?』

Warning: Will disable RPG mode permanently.

『YES』 『NO』

Oh hell yeah! My brain immediately said yes, and the prompt disappeared. I heard more chimes and small boxes appeared in the top right of my vision.

「Tutorial Complete!」

「Protagonist Title Unlocked!」

「Menu Unlocked!」

Hell yeah! My life's a dating sim! Now all I need is a harem! I started hearing the other heroes grumbling. "Level one? No skills? Ugh." Oh yeah, the other part of this world. I looked back to where the icons were. "Hey, the three dots on my menu is grayed out," I said. The other heroes looked at me. "What do you mean?" Motoyasu asked.

"It's just grey. I can't open it or anything." The other heroes looked at their icons. "I got a heart icon greyed out next to mine," Ren said. Itsuki and Motoyasu had the same thing. "Oh great, dating sim mode disabled 'how to survive' mode," I grumbled. "Dating sim mode?" Motoyasu asked. I sighed. "Forget it."

"We can party up and head out tomorrow," I suggested. "The heroes' weapons cannot be trained together. It will stunt the user's growth. They also cannot use any other weapon." The robed man said, "Wait, I just have a shield! How am I supposed to fight?" The king ignored me. "Tomorrow adventurers from across the nation will gather here to form your parties. Take today to rest. The servants will show you to your rooms." A butler and a maid gestured us to a door.

"Meet up in the common room in an hour," Ren said. Everyone nodded. "See ya." I said. I closed the door behind me and leaned against it. "Great. I'm in an isekai where I can't use weapons, RPG elements are gone and I can't for the life of me figure out how the hell I'm supposed to improve." I slammed my hand against the door in frustration. "Might as well figure out what this whole dating sim thing is."

I focused on the heart Icon. It opened a simple menu, most of which was familiar to me. Routes, Gallery, Achievements, Titles, and Tree. The last one caught my eye. I focused on it. It opened to a large web. Most had question marks. The one in the center said "Basic Shield." Five stats also were listed in the corner.

Muscle: 2/100

Your raw strength and power. Improve by completing feats of strength.

Wit: 12/100

Your ability to deliver quips and jokes. Improve by completing feats of social interaction.

Talent:4/100

Your ability to pick up and display talent in skills. Improve by completing feats of knowledge.

Creativity:7/100

Your ability to create and appreciate works of art. Improve by completing feats of creation.

Karma: Middling

Your moral score. Raise or lower by completing Cursed or Blessed feats.

This was way too complicated for some $2.99 dating sim online. I'm going to need to improve these I guess. I used the pink - why is everything so pink? - X icon in the corner. It brought me back to the menu. I noticed a small icon marked 《HELP》in the corner. I focused on the button. Oh boy, reading.

To sum it up in quick bits, girls had affection points (AP) I could raise. They were gained for completing "feats" which raised my stats. The amount of AP I got depended on the stats I had and the preferences of that girl.

Whoever designed this is either someone who put way too much game into the dating sim game, or just overestimating the actual amount of effort needed for one of these. I decided not to dive into the madness any longer, as a helpful church reminded me of the time.

I entered the common room. Everyone else had already gathered. "Too you long enough." Ren said. I brushed him off. "Let's get down to business. Have we all seen something like this back in Japan? This is all so, game-like." Motoyasu snorted. "You mean it is a game." I looked at him "Never played one like this."

"This is like Emerald Online."

"What's that? The only big MMOs I know are Odin Online and Fantasy Moon Online." I totally played them both for the game. Not the skimpy outfits. Completely for the game. Okay, not even I can believe that, and the easiest person to lie to is yourself, aside from your mother.

"Never heard of those."

Ren piped in. "I haven't heard of any of those. This one is like Brave Star Online. You know, the VRMMO."

"This is more like Dimension Wave. The console game." Itsuki said. He had a certain smugness to him that made me want to ensure his face was caved in. "Console game? That's ancient hardware."

"Wait, aren't VRMMOs just in sci-fi stories?" I said. Itsuki and Motoyasu nodded in agreement. "I guess we're from different time periods." Itsuki stepped out from the shadows. Motoyasu snapped his fingers. "Ah, let's ask regular everyday questions. We should know them even if we're from the past or future." Not a bad idea. Maybe he's not so stupid.

"Who's the prime minister?" I asked. We all responded with differing answers. Okay, I take that thought back. We each asked questions and got different answers. "Parallel worlds, huh? His is just like that one bunny girl anime…" Motoyasu glared at me. "Now's not the time for mentioning masterpieces of eroge work." I gave him a look.

"What are you talking about? Eroge? Sure there are innuendos, but that's a little much, buddy." Itsuki and Ren rolled their eyes and started to leave. Wise choice. An otaku vs. otaku argument is something to watch from afar. "Isn't that like a eromanga? Like strawberry girls."

"Are you kidding me? Strawberry Girls is the farthest thing from eromanga. It's for little girls. I have it for… reasons."

"Ah, your version of strawberry girls seems different from mine," Motoyasu said. A hint of despair was in his voice.

I left to go back to my room. In the morning, I'll figure all this out. Just before bed, I focused once more on the heart-shaped icon. It chimed and the "menu" slid into view. I used my mental fingers to tap on the "Titles" icon. It chimed again and brang up a list. One was highlighted in pink while others were greyed out.

「The Protagonist」

Unlocks Sim abilities. When necessary, will incorporate abilities from other groups.

I closed out of the list and opened the next icon. Achievements. Only one was shown. It branched down into paths. It seems they were grouped into three categories. Ones going down the left branch were green, those going down the middle branch were yellow, and the ones on the right were red. The achievement shown was grey.

「Isekai」

You've made it to this new world. Now figure out the next step.

Still very complicated for a dating sim. As the last stop on my journey of discovery, I clicked on the help manual. I read until the clock told me it was midnight. I extinguished the candles and turned over. Tomorrow I can finally get a girl!

The next day, I woke up early. It took me a second to remember the previous day. I looked in the room and found a tunic and pants. I pulled them on and made my way to the throne room. I yawned as the other heroes gathered. The king was the last one to come.

"Heroes, these fine adventurers here have come to join your cause." He gestured and two doors opened on either side. 12 people filed out with varying amounts of equipment. "Adventurers, pick your heroes!" The adventurers started to walk towards their desired heroes. My mood dropped like a stone as the adventurers all gathered around the other heroes. I was left with none.

What the fuck? "Ah, this is an… unfortunate situation." That's one hell of an understatement. "Ren, gimme some of your guys. You don't need 5 members!" Ren waved me off. "Anyone not strong enough is free to leave and join Naofumi's party." Not a single one moved. Motoyasu rubbed the back of his neck. "Well, it's not my fault these adventurers picked me." The king looked at me. "Well, you-" He was cut off by a woman's voice.

"I will join the Shield Hero's party." A girl walked away from Motoyasu's group. She had red hair and jewelry hanging from her neck. A sheath held a longsword on her side. "My name's Myne. I'll come with you, Shield Hero-sama." She smiled at me. A chime brought my eyes to the corner of my vision.

「Route Unlock!」

Get your AP with Myne above 100 before the end of the day to unlock her route!

A meter appeared above Myne's head. A number appeared next to it. 0/100.

"Alright. The Shield Hero will be given extra money to recruit others to his party." The king waved the heroes away and we left with our parties. I covered my eyes as the sun's glare put itself in my face. "Do you need any equipment?" I asked. Myne shook her head. We set out to the fields near the town. Orange balloons (with teeth?) seemed to be the training monster of choice.

I spent ten minutes punching this one balloon to death. Myne had killed seven. I collected the scraps. "You think we could sell these for anything?" I asked her. "Sure, but they're worth only a single copper coin."

"Hm, this says I could absorb the drops into my shield." I looked at the help menu now permanently pinned to my vision. I dropped the orange scrap into my Shield.

「Shield Unlocked」

Red Shield. Equip Bonus of 1S2W

「Achievement Unlocked」

Weaponless.

「Feat Completed」

Weak Feat of Strength Complete! +1S

「AP Gain!」

+10 AP with Myne

I looked in the Help menu. It seemed that the stats were abbreviated with their first letter. "It's getting dark. We should go to the inn and then come back tomorrow." I said. Myne nodded. We headed back into the town and I found a cheap inn. We ate dinner at the restaurant.

"Come try the wine, Shield-Sama." Myne held a glass of crimson liquid in front of me. "Sorry, but I don't like the taste of alcohol. Also, calling me Naofumi is fine." I looked back around the restaurant. The food was nice. I glanced at the bar over Myne's head

(—-/ ) 45/100 AP

I guess Myne like wine (Heh, rhyming) enough to raise AP when I buy it. She frowned when I declined. She finished the wine from her glass, then started to sip from the glass she offered me. "I'll turn in early," I said. I got up from the table and headed to my room.

I looked in the top left corner of my vision. Myne's bar was there, displaying the 45 AP I had gained over the day. It was a shame I couldn't increase it more. I heard a chime as soon as I finished the thought.

「Would you like to restart the last scene?」

「Yes」 「No」

Without thinking, my brain thought "Yes."

I saw my vision go grey and the feeling of my body being teleported back to the restaurant. "Shall we go seat ourselves, Shield-sama?" I heard the chirpy voice of Myne behind me. Her bar displayed the 25 AP I raised before entering the restaurant.

"Yeah, let's go." I sat myself at the same booth as we had before. A waiter deposited two menus on the table. I noticed Myne staring at the rack of wine bottles. "It's fine if you order some wine. Just don't splurge." Her eyes lit up.

「AP Gain!」

+30 AP

「Feat Completed!」

Minor Blessed Feat of Generosity! Karma Up!

30 AP!? Wow, Myne must like wine a whole lot. Her bar now displayed 55 AP. We ate our separate meals. "Would you like some wine, Naofumi?" I was going to accept, but I saw the world go grey and three choices appear in front of me. A dropped fork from the table next to us floated mid-air, and the drinks the bartender were pouring stayed in their places.

A tip opened itself in the corner of my vision.

Sometimes, you will get a set of three choices to act upon.

Choose one to continue. Time will stay frozen until you

make a choice.

The mentioned three choices appeared on the screen, as well as Myne's question.

Wine is my favorite!

I'll Pass, I don't like wine.

I want more than just Wine, Myne.

My eyes bulged at the obvious invitation in the last option. Then again, it would be really funny…

Ah, what the hell. I could always restart if I wanted to. I mentally tapped C. Color returned to my vision and I felt myself speaking.

"Sure, I'll take the wine." I took the glass and took a sip. "Just know, this isn't all I want." I resumed control of my body after my face twisted into a devious smirk. Myne had a spot of pink adorning her cheeks.

"Eh, well…" Myne looked a little hot.

「AP Gain!」

You Embarrassed her with an Innuendo! +44 AP.

Aw, come on! The bar above Myne's head was now almost full at 99/100. "I think I'll go to my room now," Myne said. I smiled and waved good night. Oh well, you win some you lose some.

I just didn't realize how much I lost the next day.

A/N: Yeah. 4K. This took me 5 days to write, and honestly, it would have been longer if I hadn't stopped myself to write updates for my other fic (Twinning) and also to sleep. Because, and this comes as a shock to everyone, humans need sleep.

Check out SaintInfernalNeos's SAO: The Eroge fic to see where the entire fic inspiration came from. I obviously won't be completely ripping off of him, but the idea is still his. This is just me taking that square peg of an idea and shoving it into the circular hole that is this fandom.

See you next time for:

Chapter 2: Slaves are now my Waifus.