HI I'M STILL HERE

Lightning woke up feeling warm.

Cool morning air brushed lackadaisically over her, threatening to make her teeth chatter. She didn't open her eyes at first. The world wasn't something she was completely ready to deal with, not with the tight bandage on her arm serving as a reminder.

The questions would no doubt come. What happened? Why would you hurt yourself like that? Don't you see the kind of danger you're putting yourself in? Why didn't you just talk to someone?

That last thought burned in her mind. She should have gone to someone she cared about. Serah, Snow, Fang, anyone. In hindsight, she could see that.

But in that moment, she had deserved it. Those cuts would turn into scars and she deserved each and every one of them for being weak. She could see why resorting to cutting shouldn't have been her first response in hindsight. But even now, as those cuts stung against her arm with each heartbeat, Lightning wanted those scars. She deserved something so ugly.

Lightning bit her lip. Rygdea's advice filtered back into her mind. She began to breathe, each exhale taking near an eternity.

She was on the plains. The light breeze bristled through the grass and past her legs. It bit like little pinpricks, each drawing goosebumps across her skin. Her toes scrunched, digging into dirt.

After some time, she found her breathing had lined up with another's. Someone was holding her underneath the blanket, keeping her warm.

Lightning opened her eyes to see the sun just beginning to peak over the horizon and spill dawn on her and Fang.

The tanned woman clung to Lightning tightly, fast asleep. She nuzzled into the crook between Lightning's shoulder and neck, mumbling something incoherent.

A faint smirk unfurled across Lightning's mouth. She wrapped her arm around Fang and pulled her closer. The sleeping woman complied, barely rousing from her light snoring.

Coming from Fang, it was kind of cute, she thought. Snoring was hardly something she considered attractive, but Lightning had a feeling that if Fang was covered in mud or grew a third arm she'd still be this close to her.

Lightning began to close her eyes, happy to know what actual love felt like and not the sham she and Jihl had.

Snow rubbed his knuckles lightly. They were cracked and just beginning to scab over. Each person that saw them at the Bodhum Guardian Corps building accepted his excuse of having a hard day of training recruits. His sheepish grin sold it, most people offering a good natured laugh in return.

He'd gotten to work early enough to use the punching bag before anyone else was in the training room. By the time he'd felt the blood on his hands, he'd stained the bag red.

Snow swore softly as he changed his bandages. Several scabs cracked and blood began to pulse anew, staining the bandages just as they met skin. With his work, they'd take weeks to heal.

He ought to tell someone. He ought to tell Serah.

His phone was in his hand, trembling minutely. His contacts were open, Serah at the top. A bandaged thumb hovered over her name, a hairsbreadth from contact.

Snow breathed.

He set the phone down and shut it off, shaking the small tremors.

He'd be fine.

Fang watched as Lightning slept next to her, curled up in the crook of her shoulder. The pink haired woman's breath was soft against her skin, like her existence was barely being acknowledged.

Within Fang, a tempest brewed. Snow had told her what happened. He'd spared details, but she knew. Lightning was in pain and Fang hadn't been there. Fang hadn't helped.

What good was she if she couldn't do anything? Something ugly brewed in her heart, a disgust for herself. Lightning didn't deserve a failure like her in her life.

But Fang couldn't break away. Lightning was…Lightning. She was herself, her own enigma and vivacity wrapped up in one. When Fang looked at Lightning, she thought she saw someone that no one else saw.

That was love, right? Some facet of it, no doubt, but still love. Fang had no doubt about how she felt about Lightning.

But it didn't change the fact that Lightning was too good for her. The woman in her arms, who clung to her for warmth, was so incredibly strong that Fang felt weak against her. How could she be worth Lightning's affection?

She hadn't even been there. Lightning got hurt and Fang couldn't do anything. All she could do was hold her now.

Anyone could do that. That was all Fang was, just a passing insect by Lightning's brightness.

Serah sat in the car long after its engine ceased. The garage door was closed and all sound was cut off from the world.

She couldn't remember anything from that day. She couldn't remember the kids or any detail from her job. It was like she'd just driven off to work.

When she closed her eyes, all she saw was Claire in the bathtub. Not her dream, but when she'd…found her.

Serah had known something was up with her sister. They were family, things like that were a six sense. No one flipped moods on a dime like Claire did. One day, she was her regular self, the next, almost comatose.

"Not Claire," she rasped. "Lightning. Claire is dead."

She should have seen it. Something, some indication that things were wrong.

And she had seen it. She just dismissed it.

What kind of a sister was she? Claire had been in pain and she'd ignored it, brushed it away. Oh, Serah had known something was wrong, but she'd assumed it was a bad day. Maybe Lightning hadn't gotten that promotion or something.

Or something.

Then…that day. She'd gotten home from work and heard the bathtub running. Ignoring it as her sister having a bath, she didn't pay it any mind until several minutes passed.

Serah had never broken a door down before. She hoped she never had to again. The pain that jolted through her shoulder had faded to nothing when she looked at her sister. Everything had faded as she looked at Claire's wrists.

A door opened and Serah's head snapped to the side, staring at Snow in the garage doorway.

"Everything okay?" he asked. His voice was thick with worry.

"Yeah," she said, distracted.

Author Notes: First off, thanks to the few of you who sent me such sweet messages checking in with me! Those really made my day and brought a smile to my face :)

Just started seeing a therapist for the summer and I'm doing a little better! Sorry if I worried you at all by vanishing for a spell, just had some bad weeks. But feeling better!

We've got a lot of characters realizing where they are in relation to their battles with mental health. Everyone deals with this stuff in their own time and at their own pace. I guess that's my message for this chapter. Ha, I think I try and impart some sort of meaning/lesson in each of these.