Come What May

Mitsuru x Kokoro
Fanfiction by:
Blue Trinkets

Chapter 1: Memories and Dreams.

Bird's Nest was suffocatingly cramped, especially when compared to their old boarding house. But Squad 13 were more relieved to have Kokoro and Mitsuru back with them, even if it meant their space has now become even more crowded. They're all back together, and that's all that matters...at least for now.

"Here's some of your stuff, Kokoro." Miku said as she handed her the suitcase. "I packed everything I could fit in there."

"Thanks, Miku." Kokoro smiled as she opened it curiously, wondering what Miku has managed to bring from Mistilteinn. She recognized most of the contents, but as she pulled out the stuffed doll, Kokoro felt a pang in her chest.

She didn't know why it would make her feel that way but the emotion was so profound she didn't realize that a small sound of distress has escaped her lips.

Miku looked at her in concern, then saw the doll Kokoro held in her hands. "You made that. Do you remember?"

"I remember asking Papa for a sewing kit." Kokoro replied. "But why did I make this?"

Miku sighed. "I saw it in the room you shared with Mitsuru. I thought you'd want it so I brought it here."

"That's not possible." Kokoro said, her face going a little pale. "Why would I share a room with a boy?"

Miku shook her head. "Hiro and Zero Two said Papa have altered your memories. So you probably don't remember any of this, but the last few weeks in the boarding house, you stopped sleeping in our room."

Kokoro looked at the ring on her left hand. She doesn't remember where it came from, or when she even put it on. But somewhere deep inside her, a niggling feeling kept telling her that she's missing something important, yet try as she might, she couldn't figure out what it was.

"Don't force yourself Kokoro." Ichigo said, touching her shoulder. "For now, let us rest. Our numbers have greatly dwindled, battles will be tougher from here on out."

"Right." Kokoro murmured, putting away the doll. Not wanting to dig up any more item that might bring up unwanted emotions, she closed the suitcase and joined the others as they sat huddled close in the confined area.

-o-

I don't think it's possible for me to develop such feelings for you...

She has no memories of him, and yet those words had hurt. Kokoro wasn't sure why, but even now, recalling the things Mitsuru has said made her chest ache.

Their friends have stopped talking about the things that supposedly happened between them. She didn't doubt they were telling the truth, but without those memories, she didn't know how to cope with the situation but to treat Mitsuru as another squadmate.

But nothing could explain why the mere sound of his voice could make her feel breathless, or her heart race faster. Why was she having these emotional reactions to him when she can't remember ever meeting him before relocating here?

What hurt her though, was that it appeared one-sided. Mitsuru could turn her world upside down with just a few casual words, but he was clearly unaffected by it all.
Kokoro doesn't blame him, it's not his fault neither of them can remember each other. He has moved on quite well, it's her who has remained lost.

I must not lose focus. Kokoro thought to herself. I must be mentally prepared for any battle ahead. She should stop obsessing about her lost past, she has to let go.

For a brief moment, she touched the ring on her hand. This was the only tangible proof that her 'wedding' to Mitsuru ever happened. They have to explain to her again what a wedding was - a ceremony where two people make a solemn vow, to be true to each other, in sickness or health and to never part until death.

It certainly sounded wonderful, but she can't remember any of it. This memory gap made her feel something's missing, she didn't feel completely 'whole'.

If the others hadn't mentioned those things, she might have gone on without this feeling of emptiness, but...releasing a sigh, Kokoro began to slowly pull the ring from her finger. It was quite tight, and it pained her to move it.

But she has to remove it. The ring only reminded her of the gnawing emptiness inside her now, of what once must have been forbidden but happier times, and she can't afford to lose focus. Next time, she might not be as lucky and disappear like Naomi.

Finally, she managed to slip it off, and yet...reluctant to throw it away, Kokoro found herself opening the suitcase Miku brought for her. Perhaps she can just store it in there.

Rummaging through her old stuff, Kokoro saw her favorite hairbrush. Finally, something to cheer her up. Smiling, she picked it up and ran her fingers over the soft bristles. Then sucked in a sharp breath as she saw an unexpected sight. Entangled among ash blond hair were darker strands that clearly weren't hers.

Her hand trembled slightly as she tugged a dark strand free. It was only about two inches long, the color of Mitsuru's hair, no one else has the same color among their group, so there's no mistaking it. But why would his hair be on her hairbrush?

Kokoro nearly dropped the brush as she forced herself to accept the truth. Almost distractedly, she pocketed the ring on her skirt, her hand clenching on her chest. She tried to breathe through the tightness in her throat as Kokoro recalled the few times she has reached out to touch Mitsuru's hair before she caught herself and pulled her hand away.
Fortunately, no one has ever caught her in the act, especially him...and now, she understood where the impulse came from. In her erased past, she has brushed his hair. She'll never know how often, but it spoke of intimacy, a closeness that was never shared between a boy and a girl.

Looking at his demeanor now, it almost sounded absurd. Mitsuru doesn't look like the type of person who would allow anyone to get close, let alone allow anyone to touch his hair. But...

Releasing a long breath, Kokoro returned the brush back into the suitcase, all pleasure from it now gone, replaced by sadness. It's hard to believe it when she can't recall a single memory of him, of being together with Mitsuru, but like the ring on her hand, the brush was another proof that her friends spoke the truth, that before their memories were wiped clean, Mitsuru had been more than just a friend.

But it brought her no comfort. Only an aching emptiness, a longing for something she couldn't name. And it seemed to grow deeper each day.

-o-

She had been feeling sick more and more often these days. It was especially bad in the mornings, and she couldn't hold her breakfast down. Kokoro noticed that sometimes mere 'scents' can trigger her nausea.

But there was no time to worry about what was wrong with her body. Their next mission has been announced.

"Considering we were partners before, we should be able to connect." Mitsuru said at the dock. Kokoro merely nodded her head, he was neither cold nor harsh towards her, if anything, it sounded as though he's trying to reassure her, but why was she...unhappy?

There were no answers. Kokoro continued fidgeting with her finger, somehow the absence of the ring made her feel even more lost...more restless. As if she has done something really wrong. What is happening to her?

As Mitsuru said, they were able to connect without problems. But as his memories flashed by, there was one that caught her off guard. Her watering can sitting among the flowers in the greenhouse. Like the flashback of a Sakura tree in full bloom, Kokoro didn't understand what importance the mental image of the greenhouse has to Mitsuru, and why does he have memories of that place?

Up till now, she has thought that place was hers alone, none of their friends ever showed interest in her flowers.

Hearing Ichigo's voice as she gave instructions, Kokoro focused on piloting Genista. Whatever relationship she had with Mitsuru in the past, it's not coming back. He has made it clear to her, and she must accept it. She has to face her future without him.

-o-

The room was dark, and only the moonlight shining through the window provided illumination, but it was enough. He could see everything clearly.

The surrounding was both familiar and new to him, so very much like the room he shared with Zorome and Futoshi in the boarding house - but he's on the wrong bed, being in the bottom bunk instead of the single one on the right. And he wasn't alone.

His breath quickened as he gazed down at the lovely face that has filled his dreams and waking hours.

"Kokoro." He called her name, but surprisingly there was no pain, no headache. Slowly Mitsuru reached down to touch her. Her eyes opened as his fingers brushed against her lips. She smiled as she held his hand and rubbed her cheek against his palm.

"Mitsuru." She whispered as she reached to touch his face. Her eyes were luminous, reflecting the moonlight, but he saw something in them that made his breath catch at the throat, she didn't look at him as a stranger or casual acquaintance would, but with gentleness, with affection. It made him feel breathless, to be the center of such adoration.

Her cheeks were flushed pink, her lips were slightly swollen, red from his kisses. Mitsuru gently cupped her face, his thumb lightly tracing the luscious outline of her lips. Kokoro gasped as he caressed her mouth, her breath felt so warm against his fingers.

Unable to resist any longer, Mitsuru leaned down to brush his lips against hers. The taste of her soft lips was flavored with tears and her own unique, sweet taste. Hungry for more, he parted her lips with his tongue, stealing the muffled sound of surprise she made as he stroked her, deepening the kiss.

He didn't have to look down to know what they were doing...he could feel her, feel her warmth, soft but tight. Kokoro cried out softly as he pressed deeper into her, making him pause as he saw the tears that tipped her eyelashes.

"Kokoro..." He called her name, again there was no pain, no headache, only a tightness in his chest as he called her name once more.

A harsh sound escaped him as he thrust deeper into her. She felt so good, so warm...Mitsuru clenched his teeth as her soft body yielded beneath the invading pressure of his flesh. Kokoro cried out again, as if in pain but she didn't stop him, simply arched her body in a gesture of surrender as he took her, stretching her tight sheath wider as he went in deep, deeper still...

"Mitsuru! Hey! Wake up, Mitsuru!" The sound of Goro's voice and the hand that shook him pulled Mitsuru from the depths of sleep and the dream...that felt too real.

"You okay?" Goro asked as Mitsuru sat up, face flushed red and hot to the touch. He was covered with sweat though the temperature was quite cold.

"You were making these sounds as if you were in pain. Bad dream?"

"Ye-yeah. I'm alright. Thanks, Goro." Mitsuru replied, covering his mouth as if to prevent himself from screaming. What was that dream? Why does he keep having them?

Goro lay back on his futon and was soon snoring lightly, but Mitsuru found it impossible to sleep again. He realized the dreams about Kokoro intensified after they piloted together. They started innocently enough, just talking together, usually in the greenhouse, and there was a recurring dream about locks of hair falling down his lap as she trimmed his hair...if that really wasn't just a dream but a fragment of his lost memories, then it would explain why his hair was shorter now. He still couldn't get rid of the habit of brushing his hair back as if he still had his old hairstyle.

Then that dream that he had just now...was it just a dream or a memory too? Mitsuru wasn't sure which was worse. He's finding it hard to cope as it is.

If the dream was simply brought upon by stress, he could easily dismiss them. But if they were based on real memories...the level of intimacy in those dreams was simply beyond anyone's knowledge or experience. They were raised to pilot Franxx and give up their lives for Papa if needed, nothing more.

Mitsuru doubted there's anyone he could talk to about it, no matter how well-meaning his friends are. They simply wouldn't understand. He could barely grasp it all himself...what was he and Kokoro doing? Being all naked like that, and she...how could she allow him to see her body like that?

No, not just see...he has touched her. Even now he could remember the softness of her skin as he caressed her body. He did more than that, he had penetrated the soft flesh between her legs.

No, it's not real. Mitsuru shook his head, wondering if he's going crazy. It can't be real...it's just a weird dream brought by stress.

But that doesn't explain the rigid hardness below his waist that made him ache. Clenching his teeth, Mitsuru closed his fist around his throbbing flesh and tried to soothe himself. He was so hard it was so uncomfortable to the point of near pain. His hips moved instinctively, already seeking what his mind could still not comprehend, so he simply gave in to the natural urges of his body.

The images came easy to him, felt so natural...a continuation of his dream. This time Mitsuru didn't fight it. He could almost feel her arms around him as she held him close while he thrust into her softness, his hips moving in an instinctive rhythm that never needed any instructions or external guidance. He simply followed what felt good, what felt right.

And the tight warmth of her body beckoned him closer, deeper until pleasure erupted with a fierce expulsion of thick, warm fluid.

Mitsuru gasped as he felt the sticky warmth against his palm and quickly looked for something to clean himself with. Despite the mental turmoil and confusion, his body felt oddly relaxed, as if this was something he has done before.

No wonder their memories have been wiped. They have committed the ultimate taboo. Mitsuru wondered if he's the one at fault. Has he dragged Kokoro into it?

But he has no answers. He'll probably never find the answers.

And even now, they have bigger problems. Without Papa or the need to pilot Franxx, they all felt unsure what to do next.

That morning as they all sat for breakfast, Mitsuru kept glancing at Kokoro. She hasn't been feeling well lately, and it seems like it was getting worse.

"Can't we increase the rations a little bit?" Miku asked as she looked at her food tray.

"That won't do." Ichigo replied. "We only have food reserves for only one more year."

"But the veggies we planted in the fields are growing just fine."

"Yeah. We should be able to harvest them in a few months, right Kokoro?" Zorome chimed in.

"The fact that you know so much about plants is super lucky for us." Miku said.

"Oh no." Kokoro refuted softly, "I don't really know much about harvesting."

Mitsuru looked at her again, an inexplicable pang in his chest. Kokoro looked so much happier in his dreams, so bubbly and optimistic. But now the girl before him looked so lost, so uncertain. Gone was the radiant glow in her blue eyes, or the sweet lips that were always curved in a smile.

"Mitsuru." Goro almost made him jump when he called his name. "How is the energy system?"

"We still haven't serviced the unit that has been acting up lately, output's gone down."

His heart leaped to his throat when Kokoro suddenly covered her mouth and asked to be excused. Mitsuru stood up as if to follow but then, hesitated.

While it's true that in the past she had been his...without their memories, they have become strangers to each other. He doesn't know where he stands in her life right now. It frustrates him that he couldn't even be her friend. That she would only accept help from the other girls. A part of him longed to be the one to take care of her, even if he doesn't understand why he felt that way.

Soon they were back in the fields to plant more crops. Even Hiro who looked like he hasn't slept in days.

While they were trying to convince Hiro to go back and get some rest, everyone was rattled by a huge explosion. As they inspected the huge crater in the ground formed by the casualties of war in space, more klaxosaurs rose up and flew to space. What exactly is happening out there?

The uncertainty of their situation, the stress of it all seemed too much for Kokoro, and she collapsed weakly on the ground.

"Kokoro?" Miku gasped as she held her friend. "What's wrong?"

As the others scrambled to inform Nana about her condition, Kokoro could only look up at Mitsuru's concerned face as he knelt down beside her and called her name, only to promptly hold the side of his head in pain.

Why do you keep saying my name, even though it hurts you?

That was her last thought before she passed out.

He carried her to the infirmary, while the others followed. They all stayed close outside her room as Nana performed tests. Somehow keeping it together.

Things seem to get harder and harder for them each day. First Zero Two has been unresponsive, Hiro was naturally distraught and doesn't look too well himself. And now Kokoro is down with something.

"The results are in." Nana told the group. "Code 556 has also regained consciousness."

There was a collective sigh of relief. "Can we see her?" Ichigo asked Nana.

"Of course, Code 556 wanted her friends to be there when we read the results."

As they all stood beside her bed, everyone was quite anxious about the results but at the very least if Nana figured out what was wrong, they could start treatment right away.

"Traces of HCG hormone was found in your blood. According to the Database, this hormone is only secreted during pregnancy."

The word didn't make any sense to her, Kokoro's first instinct was to look at Mitsuru who stood the closest to her at the side of the bed, but he was looking at Nana like the rest of her friends.

"And what does that mean?" Ikuno asked.

"Code 556 is carrying a baby. It will grow and develop in about eight more months before it is born."

While the others were shocked at the news, Mitsuru collapsed to the floor. They wouldn't understand. Only he knows the full extent of what Kokoro's pregnancy meant.

Those dreams weren't dreams after all. They were memories of intimacy between them. There was simply no way Kokoro could get pregnant on her own. He had a part in it. The others know this too, but they're completely clueless to what exactly they did to have a baby. Mitsuru has no intention of enlightening them, even with their memories wiped clean, those moments shared between him and Kokoro were too private.

Where to go from here? He has no idea what to do.

Kokoro was equally lost, becoming even more distraught when Nana told her that she can no longer pilot a Franxx.

A/N: The idea of memories through dreams came from the movie 50 First Dates.

This won't be a long story, probably just 1-2 chapters more. Just to 'flesh out' how Mitsukoko rebuilt their relationship.

Have to say I'm still heartbroken their memories weren't restored. At the same time, it only showed how strong their bonds really are. To be able to love each other again despite remembering nothing from their past. Yeah, I love this pair. :)