So I know I should be working on Fade or my Cinderella AU but I was about to go to sleep six hours ago when the first lines of this fic popped into my head and wouldn't get out. This is the result...six hours later...what's sleep?

I fancy you and you don't even realize it.

I stare at the back of your head in class wishing you'd just turn around and see how my eyes cannot get enough of you. They trace your shoulders—the way your white shirt stretches across them—and they examine the way the torchlight flickers against the caramel colored skin peeking out from under your collar. My mind goes into a trance the moment you reach up to drag your fingers through your black hair. The action entices my own fingers to flex desperately for the chance to feel your hair slip through them.

"Lily, stop staring at James."

I snap out of my reverie to glare at Anna Faith, who caught me staring for the second time that class. Anna rolls her eyes and I pout as I return to my notes. I still let my eyes wander in your direction when I think no one is looking at me. You're so handsome and I wish you knew how badly I wanted to trace my fingertip across the lines of your face. I wish I had the guts to tell you that I dream about you almost every night.

I do want to tell you.

I know haven't yet.

It's like I'm being suffocated by my own feelings.

You're so oblivious sometimes that you can't even tell when I flirt openly in the Great Hall. I'm laughing loudly beside you in the common room. I'm sketching your name into my notes while you read a Quidditch book quietly beside me. I casually glance your way while we eat. I cheer for you during quidditch games as equally as loud as your best friends.

You still don't notice the way I startle at the mere mention of your name.

"Alright, Evans?"

You always ask me that, at least twice a day. I know you're mad at me when you don't say it. You're hardly ever truly mad at me. Mostly, we fight about stupid things.

"Lily," you always smile when you argue with me, if only because you like the high it gives us both, "I'm telling you, if you had a dragon in front of you, the only way you'd survive is by stunning it in the eye."

"James." I always try to hide my smiles, "the dragon eye would be fifteen meters above our heads and if you wait to get a close enough aim—we'd be toast."

"So you're telling me that if you come face to face with a dragon, you would rather run?"

"Dragons are slow and uncoordinated."

"Have you seen yourself dance?"

Hazel eyes twinkle like stars, teasing me.

I blush, "what's that supposed to mean?"

"You stepped on my toes at least one hundred times, when we danced at that quidditch party a few weeks ago."

"Yeah well, you were in my way." I protest, unlocking my arms so I can push your chest lightly in protest, "as per usual."

You offer me a challenging smirk, "guess that inanimate chair in class this morning just jumped into your way too, huh?"

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Everyone saw you fall into Eric Dawnsons lap Lily, you aren't that smooth."

"You're just jealous because I didn't fall into your lap." I say haughtily.

You're laughing until tears roll from your eyes and in that moment your hand grazes my own. You don't grab it. I wish bitterly that I had fallen into your lap, instead of Dawnsons. When I finally walk away from you, I feel your eyes staring at me as I go.

I think you fancy me too.

I wonder why we haven't done anything about the electric connection between us.

I know I'm not perfect but I like to think you're perfect for me. I can be a lot more trouble than I'm probably worth and yet so can you. we're both trouble, in our own ways. I get in trouble for being too kind and you get in trouble for being too biased. It's not a bad trait for you, after all, you're biased when it comes to me.

Loyal to the very end.

Even when the world seems against me I know that you are always on my side.

I know the drama and politics gets to you more than it gets to me. If a person even looks at me the wrong way, I always see your fists curling at your sides. I try not to let your protective actions get to my head, I know you'd do the same for any of your minority cursed friends. I try not to imagine you as my knight in shining armor, especially since I like to think that I can take care of myself.
You know that I can take care of myself.

It doesn't mean that I don't appreciate your kindness.

Since the day I walked into this new world at eleven, I've built up my armor day by day, purposefully blocking any taunts with a smile angled sharp with pride. I walk around with a shield made of wit, loyalty and kindness. You let me take care of myself and you only intervene when you can not control your own feelings.

You feel so much...all the time...it's what I love most about you.

I'm not the only one who's noticed your impulse to spend your free time with me. We sit outside in the courtyard, lost in our own little world, when Alex Avery makes a snide comment as he passes.

"Potter, you've got a bit of mudblood on your cloak, I'd wash it off. I hear that stains."

You try to get up but I grab ahold of your robes and yank you back to my side. You are snarling under your breath and your eyes are cutting into Avery's backside as he walks away sniggering. I continue tugging on your arm, trying to get your attention.

"James." I say your name, begging you, "James he's not worth it."

Your eyes are crisp and cool when they meet mine, "anything concerning you is worth it."

I fall even deeper under your spell. My palms become sweaty if your pinky slides against mine as we climb staircases side by side. My heart thrums each time you glance my way.

You look at me a lot now.

I know it's a school crush but sometimes it feels more than that. Sometimes it feels like I might actually soar when you smile at me. You are slowly turning into one of my best friends but I always want more. I am always one smile away from kissing you and one laugh away from telling you how badly I want you.

I'd do anything for you if you'd only ask.

You are the wave and I am the shore. Your loyalty and kindness crashes into me and shapes me little by little. People can leave their mark on me but you wash those marks away, like footprints in the sand, with one word. With each passing moment in your company, you're smoothing all my rough edges, just like the beach glass I used to find at the shore on Holiday.

You spend most of your free time with me now, even your friends have started to notice. My friends tell me to kiss you, then maybe you'd finally get my hints. Instead, I blurt out the truth suddenly in the middle of the library, after you surprise me with my favorite treat from Honeydukes.

"I really, really like you."

I think I sound so silly and childish but it is too late to take it back. You are silent in your seat beside me. I struggle to read the look on your face. Your dark eyebrows practically jumped to your eyebrows at my confession and I am certain this is the first time I've ever caught you off guard. I want to take my stupid words back as soon but before my defenses can cover me like armor again, I react to the bubbling anticipation in my stomach.

Because who am I kidding?

I'm so in love with you.

Your fingertips trace my skin lightly when I press my lips to yours. There were probably so many other ways I would have expressed my feelings for you but right at that moment actions were safer for me than words. I still hadn't ruled out accidentally say the L word while I am caught up in kissing you. It doesn't matter because you understand what I am trying to convey. I feel like I'm glowing when you take my hand on the way back to the common room. Sometimes, it feels like you never dropped my hand after that night.

You kiss my fingers in class and rub your thumb against the inside of my wrist as we walk up stairwells together. You whisper sweet words to me when we're leaning against each other, waiting for class to start. You kiss my temple with so much affection that your friends pretend to gag and we laugh because they just don't understand.

You're still a wave and I'm still the shore but instead of crashing into me now, you caress me like sea foam and you leave traces of yourself all over my skin.

Nights are long and days are short when I'm with you.

I love you and you love me too.

We think that our love can bring the spinning world to a stop. We are kids, barely seventeen, ready to take on the cynical minds that threaten to divide us. We stand together in public even with narrow minds surrounding us as every turn. I am used to the stares by now, but you are not as good about ignoring their taunts and you turn venomous whenever we pass the elite purists. I hope one day people will look at you and I for inspiration. I hope one day there won't be a stigma against people like you loving people like me. After all, your blood is as pure as any of theirs and yet, you love me, unconditionally.

Your love brings out the best in me.

I keep you close to my side because no matter the time or day. You always look at me as if I shine like a bloody star in the night sky. I always look at you like you're about to disappear because you make me so happy, that I wonder some days if you're real.

It kills me knowing that although our love brings out the best in us, it also brings out the worst in our classmates.

Your fingers sneak through my wavy hair next to the Potions classroom one Friday morning during the Christmas holidays. My forehead is pressed to yours and we are both laughing under our breath at your corny joke about the wizard and the barstool. You touch me softly but every touch sends a wave of fire through me like a shot of whiskey. We are so in love and too caught up in each other to think that maybe we should have moved to a more private location.

Alex Avery has always had a bad habit of making barfing noises whenever he passes by us. I roll my eyes at you when Avery makes the familiar gagging noises from up the hallway. You rip your forehead from mine and shoot Avery a glare over your shoulder.

"Choke on dragon shite and beat it, Avery."

Your tone is lethal and I continue to glare daggers at Avery.

Avery is alone but his wand is in his hand and he is twirling it slowly as he takes a few more steps towards us. His black hair is slicked against his skull and I notice the challenging light in his eyes. You are positioning yourself so that my back is pressed up against the wall as you shield me from Avery's wand. I appreciate you trying but there is no way you can protect me from Avery's disdainful words.

"Isn't this a disgusting display?" Avery drawled as he got closer, "did you two stay behind for Holidays so you could fuck each other without disappointing your families?"

You have your own wand out now and I place my hand on your shoulder as a form of support. You are shaking under my touch, clearly vexed by our intruder. I want to pull out my own wand to deter Avery from sticking around but my wand is in the potions classroom where I had been helping Professor Slughorn bottle pepper-up potion for the Hospital Wing. Avery notices I am wandless and he stops feet from us, grey eyes glistening with glee at catching us unaware.

"Does she fuck you, Potter?" Avery taunts and you send a stunner but Avery sees it coming and blocks you, "I've heard mudbloods are good in bed but I wouldn't dare touch one myself."

"Go to Hell."

"You're in Slytherin territory." Avery challenges, "you can go to Hell."

"This is a public hallway." I snap, "we're allowed to be here just as much as you and Headmaster Dumbledore—"

"You shouldn't be allowed in this school let alone this hallway." Avery snaps back at me and I shift so that I'm closer to the classroom, "As soon as you enter the real world, Albus Dumbledore won't be around to protect filthy mudbloods like you." Avery's eyes flicker, "and misceres won't last three weeks out there. Voldemort will wipe your unorthodox kind out of this world, one by one."

I look to you and find you frozen under my touch. I squeeze your shoulder and then you raise your wand at the same time that Avery does. You disarm Avery because you're faster with your wand. I glance at the classroom door, wanting to grab my wand. Avery's own wand flies to the other side of the corridor at the same time that I witness you launch forward and charge into Avery head on. I watch in horror as you and Avery become a tangle of limbs and curses. I hear a sickening crunch and there is fresh blood on your clothes but I can't tell if you are the wounded one—or if Avery is sporting more than a black and blue eye.

Professor Slughorn appears only moments after you start fighting, alerted by my yells. I help you up off the floor and immediately check you over as Slughorn shouts at all of us for fighting like muggles in the corridor. I notice that you have a split lip and one of your eyes is turning black and blue. You wince when I touch your arm on the way back to the common room after Slughorn gives you and Avery detention. I hate that you get more days because you broke Avery's nose but I was blissfully left out of punishment as you argued for me, saying that I had only been a bystander.

"I'm sorry," I whisper once you've pulled me into your bed once you'd showered.

"What for?" You ask, as if I could never do anything wrong.

I play with your fingers, they are laced between mine and one of your knuckles is red and looks scratched. You squeeze my hand and I look into your eyes if only because I always hope for one of your warm smiles. You see the anguish on my face as I trace your injuries guiltily.

"Lily."

You pull me down to your side and kiss my forehead. I cuddle closer, letting go of your hand so that your fingers can wander the patch of skin where my shirt has ridden up. My head fits in the crook of your neck and I press my nose against your tan skin, breathing you in.

"I'm sorry too, love."

"What are you sorry for?" I pull back so I can look at you, "you got hurt because of me!"

I see a slight red flush to your ears, a reaction I don't see too often from you. I roll onto your stomach and my auburn hair creates a curtain around our faces. You stare up at me with total adoration.

"That wasn't your fault, Lily." I furrow my brow in disagreement as you continue, "I just—I couldn't just walk away—not when Avery was saying all that shite about us not lasting three weeks in the real world..."

"Because I'm muggleborn, you mean."

"No, well...kind of, Avery called us misceres."

I realize the word is something I didn't quite understand. It was clearly a unacceptable term but I didn't recognize it amongst the slurs I already knew. You clearly hated it, your jaw is tight and your nostrils are flared.

I press my own hands to your face and my soothing touch relaxes you. You are so handsome, even with your lip busted and your crooked glasses. I trace the curve of your jaw and press my lips to the edge of your ear.

"I'm sorry," you repeat and I sigh, "you shouldn't ever have to listen to a git like Avery spout utter nonsense."

"You know I'm not mad at you, right?" I say with my lips dancing playfully against your neck.

"Yes," You shift under me and your hands grip my hips as my lips press into your skin, "I just cannot believe he called us misceres."

"What does that mean?"

"It's what purebloods call mixed blood couples."

"I've never heard that before."

"It's an old term." Your fingers have left my waist and are tracing delicate patterns on my arms, "I only know what it means because Sirius told me once when we heard it one night at Leaky Cauldron last summer."

I comb your black hair away from your high forehead so I can press a kiss to it. Your lips find my neck before I can sit back up and I feel the rough edge of your split lip press into my skin. I smile against your touch, enamoured. I wonder if you feel the same way I feel.

"They can call us whatever they want." I scoff boldly, "we might be a mixed blood couple but we belong together. You're mine and I'm yours. We're equals in everything."

You consider me through the crooked glass frames you always wear. You always look at me so passionately, as if you are constantly on the verge of kissing me senseless. The very thought turns my stomach inside out and you can tell I'm affected by you when I bite my lip and lean closer to your contemplative face.

You tuck a strand of my red hair behind my ear as you confess, "I hope you know that nothing will deter me from loving you for the rest of my life."

I am touched by those ords of affirmation and shift my hips gently as I catch your upper lip for a chaste kiss. You wink cheekily as I pull away, your mind shifting elsewhere but I am not quite finished talking.

"Does your lip hurt?" I ask, my thumb tracing over the scab on his swollen lower lip.

You roll your eyes as if I've asked something utterly ridiculous, "Lily, Remus once successfully dislocated my shoulder and I've been hit by bludgers harder than any punch that Avery threw today."

I grumble back bitterly, "you wouldn't even be hurt if I hadn't have left my wand in the classroom."

"Hey," You reach up to place my head between your hands and you make me keep eye contact, "baby, it's okay. I'm fine. It was just a few well aimed hits. I know you would've had my back if you had your wand."

"Excuse you, I always have your back...wand or not."

I roll my hips into yours so that you'll hitch your breath and I am not disappointed. Your eyes flutter closed thanks to my body rocking slowly against yours and you hum your agreement. I have the upper hand, yet again. Your hands drop to my hips again and I know your mind is wandering off with fantasies that are on the edge of my mind too.

"I won't ever go wandless again." I vow as I help unbutton my blouse, "I'll always be prepared to kick some elitist arse."

"Fuck them," You agree wholeheartedly as I toss my shirt to join yours on the floor, "They won't ever win, not as long as we're around to fight 'em."

"And we'll fight them together." I say, "Together, until the very end."

"Of course." your fingers are pressing into my back now, "Together, we're invincible."

You smile at me and once again I feel as if you are a wave, a riptide, pulling me into your depths. I knew then that I would marry you. I've never loved anyone as much as I love you. I'd never wanted anyone as much as I want you. I would fight an entire army if I had too—there was nothing anyone could do or say that would ever keep me away from you.

"I love you, Lily."

"I love you more, James."

"I doubt that."

I can tell by your scoffing tone that you're playing, competing for the most love. I roll my hips pointedly and change your game. You find that words are no longer necessary when your laugh turns into a throaty string of curses elicited by my body shifting against yours. I mark you as mine with searing kisses everywhere I can reach. As you eagerly return my affections with fingers ardently memorizing my every curve...I truly do feel invincible.

This was in a different voice than I'm used to doing but it was fun to just let my brain take over.

All my love,

Petals