Disclaimer: I don't own Naraku, unfortunately. I just get to write about him for fun.

Naraku rolled over onto his right side and yawned. He opened his eyes. He blinked. Kikyo was in his bed. He lifted the blanket. Make that naked and in his bed. He blinked once more, then nudged her, none too gently, in the shoulder. Kikyo moaned.

"Not again, itooshi. Let me sleep."

"Nani?"

"Let. Me. Sleep." Kikyo turned away from him. Naraku was, to say the least, puzzled. Somewhere inside of him Onigumo was grinning. He decided to get up and go look for Kagura. He put on a pair of loose cotton pants, lifted the blanket for another quick peek at the naked, sleeping Kikyo, then left.

Naraku searched the castle for any sign of Kagura, Kanna or Kohaku. Nothing, He didn't remember having sent them on any missions. But then, he didn't remember having shared his bed with Kikyo, either. Most strange. He returned to his chambers, planning to put on his cherished white baboon pelt and go out looking for his minions. It was missing. Naraku made a sound that was very close to a whimper. What in the name of Enma-Daiou was happening?

"Kikyo?" Naraku poked her in the side, and Kikyo growled something unintelligible at him. "I need to talk to you. Wake up." Kikyo opened one eye and gave him a look that would have unnerved Sesshomaru.

"Your needs. It's always about your needs. What about my needs? Bakayarou." A bow and arrow appeared in Kikyo's hands. Naraku took an involuntary step back. Ever since her resurrection, Kikyo had seemed to be in a perpetual state of PMS. (A.N. Naraku, ehm, borrowed Kagome's biology textbook, finding it both interesting and useful)

"Where are Kagura, Kanna and Kohaku?"

"I sent them away." Kikyo put the bow and arrow back on the floor by the bed.

"I see. And my baboon pelt?"

"I burned it. Really, Naraku-chan, I can't believe you actually wore that disgusting thing."

"You. Burned. My. Baboon. Pelt?" Kikyo nodded. Naraku's eyes glowed red and the air grew thick and foul. Kikyo merely yawned.

"I'm dead, remember, your miasma won't work on me. Smoke away." She reached over the edge of the fouton and grabbed her clothes. Several Shimidamachuu came flying in through the window. "Ah, breakfast." Kikyo stood and got dressed.

"Did we have sex last night?"

"I certainly wouldn't call it making love. I might as well have been a blow-up doll for all the consideration MY needs were given."

"A what?"

"It's a doll used for sex. Inuyasha was telling Miroku about it. Miroku made him promise to bring one back the next time he visited Kagome's time."

"Oh. Were we drunk?" Naraku asked hopefully.

"No." She narrowed her eyes at him. "Are you saying you don't have any memory of last night at all? You called me itooshi. You said ai shiteru. You promised forever." Kikyo reached for her bow and arrow again. "Kagura warned me this would happen."

"What would Kagura know about my sex life? We are not involved that way."

"So, you are saying you LIED to me?" Kikyo fit the arrow to her bow and pulled her arm back.

"LOOK!! It's a naked Inuyasha!!" Kikyo momentarily distracted, Naraku saw his opportunity and ran. As he exited the castle, Kagura, Kanna and Kohaku came running towards him. They were throwing brightly coloured bits of paper in the air and laughing. Even Kanna. They grabbed him and began to hug him. Naraku tried to pull them off.

"Naraku-sama!! We are so happy for you. Now we can be a real family." Kanna smiled at him, frightening Naraku to the very core of his being. "Can I call you Tousan?". Naraku screamed in terror and soon disappeared from sight. Kikyo walked out of the castle.

"I told you it would work." She handed both Kanna and Kagura the jars containing their hearts. Kohaku was a different case. The Shikon shard in his back kept him alive and then there was the whole issue of his lost memory. Kikyo shrugged. She would keep Kohaku with her for the time being. She'd always wanted a little brother anyway. Pocketing the Shikon shards Naraku had collected, she took Kohaku by the hand and they set off. Naraku's Saimyousho followed them.

Owari