When (Rabid) Fan Girls Attack!:

LOTR/FR Crossover: (Humor) The Companions of the Hall and the Fellowship of the Ring learn the value of friendship as they try to escape from every bishonen's bane, Rabid Fan girls!

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters contained herein. I am not Tolkein nor am I Salvatore. I am on the other hand a rabid fan girl, and I can't help but harass everyone's favorite fantasy bishonen. (By all means, you may entertain delusions of yourself running amuck and glomping your favorite, but I want to be in control of this psycho army. ^_^)

Scene: Some generic forest in the Realms, it really doesn't matter exactly where but for a reference point let's just say it lies in the Silver Marches.

Cast: Drizzt, Guenhwyvar, Bruenor, Cattie-Brie, Regis, Wulfgar, Legolas, Aragorn, Frodo, Sam, Merry, Pippin, and Gimli. (And others)

Drizzt reclined in the shade of the large tree. Although it was nearly midday, the trees of the forest filtered the light so that it was not harsh on the drow's sensitive eyes. A slight wind stirred in the trees and Drizzt absentmindedly brushed back an errant lock of white hair with his hand. A large shadow, darker than the drow stirred in the trees above him. Cattie-Brie reclined on Drizzt's shoulder as she slept; her auburn locks cascading down his chest. Wulfgar, Bruenor, and Regis were finishing their midday meal down near the small stream that cut through woods. Wulfgar smiled as Bruenor complained that the halfling ate too much of their provisions.

It had been a long time since the Company of the Hall had gone out together; with the apparent loss of Wulfgar, to his release, and finally having found himself again, the companions had not shared a peaceful adventure. (Well, as peaceful as is normally possible.) They were in one of the many woods that lay in the Silver Marches, performing scouting duty for Lady Alustriel of Silverymoon. They had stopped at this beautiful spot to rest and then continue their mission. Suddenly, the normal sounds of the forest stopped. The birds and insects fell silent, and Guenhwyvar growled as a strange noise interrupted the otherwise peaceful scene. Drizzt and Cattie-Brie were quickly up, weapons drawn and ready.

Feminine screams rent the air, along with the sound of the underbrush being trampled. "What in the Nine Hells is that?" asked Regis as he pulled out his tiny mace.

"I don't know," replied Wulfgar as he readied Aegis-fang, "But it sounds like trouble."

 "Or I'm a bearded gnome!" finished the Eighth (er, Tenth) King of Mithril Hall. The Company of the Hall was on their feet in seconds and they sped off in the direction of the uproar.

Up and over the slight rise they traveled, and stopped mouths wide in awe, when they saw the cause of the commotion. Eight men ran for their lives in front of a large mass of screaming women.

"Now there somethin' ya don't see every day," remarked Cattie-Brie, "I wonder what the trouble is." Drizzt shook his head and continued to watch the scene.

"Two men, one dwarf, and elf and four halflings, and it seems," the dark elf said, "That they are in great danger, perhaps we should help them?" Drizzt looked at his friends and grinned.

"Ya durned elf! We can't abandon them to their deaths! Look at the crazed looks on the faces of their pursuers."

 Drizzt had seen that crazed look before, on the faces of the poor unfortunate creatures that the Crystal Shard, Crenshinibon, had possessed. He looked at his friends. The same realization had come across their faces as they started off in the direction of the fleeing company. Wulfgar threw back his head and screamed "Tempus!" as they approached the army of crazed women.

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"How did we get into this mess?" Frodo panted as he and the remaining members of the Fellowship ran for their lives. The screams of the crazed women we drawing closer. All eyes turned to Gimli who grew red under the stares.

"Someone suggested that we go through the Mines of Moria," piped Pippin. Gimli visibly shook with anger.

"I don't know who that was though," finished Merry.

"Quiet! The lot of you, we need to save our breath to run!" said Aragon. We have lost Gandalf, and now this! he thought to himself, Where in Middle Earth are we? For all his years of wandering the wilds Aragorn could not tell where they were and neither could Legolas who, because of his fleet footedness, continued to run ahead and scout the terrain for the terrified Fellowship.

 "They have a blood crazed look about them," said Boromir, who was the nearest to the pursuing females, "I wonder what we have done to upset them?"

Aragorn knew, he had seen it before, on the faces of men who had been taken by the One Ring. He glanced at Frodo, making certain that the hobbit was near the front of the line, farthest away from any danger. Legolas returned to Aragorn's side and told him that the terrain just over the rise could possibly offer cover if they could make it that far. Both of their thoughts were shattered by the explosive cry of "Tempus!" followed by a shift in the brush just in front of them.

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The gigantic man grabbed Merry and Pippin around the waists with his massive hands and carefully threw them over his shoulders.

"Careful little ones," the barbarian said with a broad grin, "hang on tight!" Merry and Pippin did so quickly as they as Wulfgar's long strides bore them quickly away from the approaching army of crazed women. Gimli crashed on, oblivious to the happenings in front of him. He met the King of Mithril Hall, face to face (literally). The two stunned dwarves rolled about the ground for a second before Aragorn and Drizzt helped their friends to their feet.

The dark skinned elf said smiling, "Introductions can wait, let's get you out of here!" Aragorn smiled as their new found friend motioned them toward the waiting horses. Cattie-Brie had unslung Taulmaril and from her mount was showering the ground in front of the advancing women with silver arrows, blasting craters and slowing their progress. She smiled at the members of the Fellowship and helped Boromir mount up behind her.

 "Tha name's Cattie-Brie," she said as she loosed another volley, "Pleased ta meet ya." Boromir only could nod, winded from the run from their pursuers. Drizzt helped the rest of the company onto the mounts, Legolas riding with Gimli, Bruenor with Regis, Aragorn with Sam, and Frodo with himself, before signaling to Guenhwyvar.

The black panther dropped from the tree she had been hiding in and sped for the ranks of the large army. She ran straight through them, scattering what little order they had somehow maintained, yet not inuring any. Neither the astral panther, Drizzt nor Aragorn knew what awesome force of nature they now faced.  Female hormones are frightening things, as the ill fated bishonen are about to find out.

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From the shadows a short distance away, another drow ran his hand over his bald head and replaced his plumed hat. Adjusting his eye patch (which was on his left eye today) he motioned to his companion, a dark haired human man, and smiled.

"Come Entreri," Jarlaxle said, "Let's not let them get too far away, or this won't be profitable."

Gods forbid, thought the assassin as he brushed his hand over his well groomed goatee and then headed off behind the mercenary. Gods forbid.

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To Be Continued in: The Madness Takes Its Toll