.
.
.
Great Possibilities
It's You
She hadn't had the strength to face him. How could she? How was she supposed to tell him that she loved him? She loved him in that way –as much as she tried to deny it. She couldn't tell him. She simply couldn't, it would ruin everything. She turned away from the bustling dance hall and ran as fast as she could muster. She wasn't as brave as Nora believed her to be.
How ironic that she realized she loved Barry, just after she experienced heartbreak. She could lie all she wanted and say that there were no feelings there, but she would be fooling herself. She couldn't keep up the façade in front of Nora...and she didn't want to keep it up anymore. She remembered those times where she'd get the tiniest bit jealous when Barry went off on his Iris talks, but she brushed it off as a minor annoyance because of the repetitiveness of the topic.
She shook her head, this was horrible. She hated feeling this way. She needed to go back to the Caitlin that supports Barry in everything. She wasn't to be jealous Caitlin, or selfish Caitlin. Barry and her were just friends and she couldn't ask him for more. It wouldn't be fair to him, when he's been nothing but honest with her.
She let out a heavy sigh. Felicity would never let her hear the end of it. She was right. All this time she was right about her loving him. Even Nora had seen through her right away. She only fooled herself...and hopefully Barry.
With heavy pants, she made it to a place where she felt safe. She rested her back on the big cherry blossom tree that was close to the memorial park she visited often. Her emotions were consuming her. She thought back on their relationship, how they became friends, their closeness, their secrets, all the hugs, the looks, and those few but memorable kisses. Those were some of her favorite memories and that's all they would ever be.
Without her knowing some stubborn tears were already travelling down her cheeks. She bit her inner cheek trying to stop her crying, but it simply didn't work.
She loved him, she really did.
What a bittersweet revelation that turned out to be.
The moments that passed seemed endless and yet not long enough, and just as she was trying to gain some composure she heard a voice.
"Caitlin," she heard Barry huff a few feet away from her. Her head snapped up to see him. He was catching his breath, it seemed like he had been running for a long time.
At the sight, she panicked and wiped her eyes furiously turning around and giving her back to him. She couldn't let him see her this way.
"Barry, wha...what are you doing here?" she hoped her voice didn't sound as fragile as she felt.
He ignored her question, "I've been looking for you everywhere," he said seriously, taking a few steady breaths in.
"I'm sorry, I... another emergency came up and I had to leave, I was going to hospital right now," the stupid tears weren't stopping.
"Don't lie to me Cait," he said softly while taking a few steps ahead. "We don't lie to each other,"
She felt him get closer and her heart began to race, "Stop,"
He did.
"Please don't come any closer," she almost begged him. She couldn't let him see her like that, so unlike the Caitlin he knew.
"Can you look at me?" He asked softly.
She shook her head, "I can't. Not right now,"
"Okay," he needed to get through to her somehow. "I spoke with Iris yesterday," he started. He really needed to tell her this.
More like he kissed Iris yesterday, Caitlin thought to herself. "That's good,"
"And I realized something," he took a tentative step closer.
She really didn't want to hear how madly in love he was with Iris right now.
He took another step, "I realized that even as she was in front of me, there was somewhere else I wanted to be," he took his final step and was right behind her, "someone else I wanted to be with,"
Caitlin's heart skipped a beat and her eyes snapped shut. "Please Barry, don't lie to me," she told him just as he had called her out earlier. She took one step ahead and was ready to run walk away, she wasn't sure how much her heart could take right now and didn't want to find out.
Barry anticipated this reaction and quickly grabbed her hand, "I have no reason to lie to you," he said softly.
She wanted to struggle, she wanted to put up a fight and flee, but she didn't. She wasn't like this. She faced problems head on, and she had to do that this time as well, as painful as it was... "All your life, you've been in love with Iris, and now that she's married there's someone else? Really Barry?" He needed to be more convincing.
Caitlin wasn't pulling away wildly like he thought, "Can you look at me?" he asked her again even more softly than before.
Caitlin thought about it momentarily. By now he probably knew she was crying anyway. She slowly turned around. "You can let go now, I won't run away,"
He let go of her hand but slowly raised his hands to wipe her tears away and left them holding each side of her face, "I kinda don't want to," he said with a smile as he softly caressed her cheeks.
She couldn't help but smile back.
"What you said earlier, about me loving Iris you weren't wrong Cait,"
And with that her smile died away.
"I loved her for a long time," he said, and Caitlin's eyes began to drop, "but I didn't realize when I stopped loving her,"
That surprised her. Never in all her years of knowing him had he ever denied loving the journalist.
"We were young and I thought she would be my forever. When she left me for New York, my whole world crumbled, but," he paused and softly lifted her face to meet her beautiful hazel eyes, those he simply adored, "you came into my life and it was the most wonderful thing that has ever happened to me,"
"Barry," she wanted to tell him that he had been a blessing in her life too. A life that had been too bleak before him.
He placed a finger on her lips, "Please let me finish, before I lose my nerve and make a fool of myself,"
The doctor nodded.
"All these years that I've been," he didn't want to say it, but he had to, "pinning after Iris, were probably the best years of my life,"
Caitlin raised an eyebrow. What did that even mean?
"That didn't come out right, did it?" he grinned sheepishly, "What I meant was, that all those years, you were there with me and you have no idea how much you mean to me Cait," he took a deep breath, "Actually, many times I went to complain about Iris, were because I really wanted to see you," yeah, he'd never told her that before, but it was true. Sometimes it was hard for him to come up with excuses to see her just for the sake of seeing her. So he resorted to pulling out his Iris-card because he knew (and he knew this well) that Caitlin would be there for him if she thought he was feeling sad over his lost love.
"I love everything about you. How you overly think every little thing, how you're so selfless and caring. The way that you do that thing with your lips when you're worried. I love the way you smile at me and that special spark in your eyes when you are doing something you enjoy," this was it...it was now or never, "I didn't know that when I met you I couldn't keep myself from falling…"
Her eyes searched his relentlessly, and her erratic heartbeat was growing louder and louder in her hears, could it be…?
His words lingered in the air and he looked at her expectant eyes wishing to convey all these feelings to her.
"Caitlin Snow, I've fallen head over heels for you,"
"Barry…" she whispered in between her tears. This moment was the moment she wasn't even aware she'd been waiting for all her life.
"It wasn't just now, or this week," because after much soul searching he knew that these feelings weren't new developments for him, "I've been falling in love with you all these years. Each and every day I've been falling a little harder I was just too blind to see it,"
She had been blind too, for a very, very long time.
"Sometimes great possibilities are right in front of us and we don't see them because we choose not to," he gave her a heart melting smile, those that she loved so much, "I think that we need to be open to exploring something new, something wonderful, especially with the person we love most," he lowered his head but stopped just an inch away from her lips. "Don't you?"
She didn't even have to think about his question. Nora was right. It was time she seized her chance at happiness. She stepped on the tip of her toes and met his lips. This time neither had to ask what the other was doing or why. This time they both knew exactly what they were doing, they were where they wanted to be, with the person they wanted to be with. A gust of wind riled up their hair but neither paid attention. Instead Barry hugged Caitlin closer and continued to kiss her senseless. He should've done this a long time ago and there was so much to make up for now –he didn't mind one bit. He thought back on all of their adventures throughout the years and slowly started to piece together each interaction that they had and how Caitlin unknowingly healed his heart and stole it at the same time. Every smile, every hug, every time she looked after him, even when she practiced her (developing) cooking skills, all of those times were carved in his memory and his heart. All of those times led them to this moment and he couldn't be more grateful for it.
Caitlin pointedly ignored the rapid beating of her heart. She was truly, madly, deeply, in love with the man in front of her, but never in her wildest dreams she imagined that he loved her. She denied it time and time again, but that small spark of hope didn't evade her. When did she start loving him she wasn't quite sure, but just like he said, it hadn't been today or these last few days. She's loved him for a long, long, time, she just didn't want to accept it. She became an expert at denying their closeness and at shutting down everyone's expectations, because she choose to carefully wrap her feelings under the veil of friendship. She didn't want to expect anything else, lest she became thoroughly disappointed as she had been many times before, by the people she loved most no less. And yet Barry, her Barry, one way or another found himself closer and closer to her heart. Every time he cheered her on, when he made her laugh, how he slowly broke away her icy exterior, all those times Barry unknowingly made his way to her heart. A heart she wasn't even sure she had to give.
Pale pink cherry blossoms were falling like raindrops around them and when the need to breath became overpowering they slowly pulled away, just enough to look at each other.
"It's you," he said, "You're the person I want to be with today, tomorrow, and forever,"
This was it. This was their right time, and this was the right moment.
She looked at him with eyes overflowing with love and adoration, "Barry I…" she needed to be completely honest with him too, "to me, you…" she sighed and tried again. She wasn't shy, time was too limited to beat around the bush and she didn't want to leave anything unsaid, "I love you. And I think back on all of our time together and I've realized that I've loved you for a very long time. I couldn't tell you exactly when," because she wasn't even sure herself.
Barry couldn't be more delighted by her words.
"And for the longest time I wanted to see you as my friend, I didn't want to ruin what we had. You became so important in my life that I...I wasn't sure what would happen if I dared to look at you differently,"
"Caitlin..." so he wasn't the only one that had thought about them being more than friends.
"I actually succeeded in fooling myself into believing that I didn't love you," she smiled ruefully at herself, "to me it didn't matter what others saw," because both of them had heard many people say that they were obviously more than friends, despite their constant denying of those accusations, "and even when you asked me to help you get Iris back, a silly plan by the way," they both smiled at each other, "I couldn't say no, because if there was anything in my power to make you happy, I would do it unquestioningly,"
It was his turn to look at her with green eyes that conveyed devotion and a limitless love.
"What I'm trying to say is, that as scary as this new journey is to me, because you know relationships terrify me," he knew that very well, "I want to...I want to try it, with you,"
His face broke into a dazzling grin. This moment was perfect and he had the most amazing woman in front of him giving him the opportunity of a lifetime. He knew that part of the reason Caitlin had avoided relationships this long was because she didn't want to end up like her mother. She hated depending on others, although she would allow Barry to see her vulnerable side, which was a great privilege in his opinion.
"Is that a yes to my proposal?" he asked cheekily.
Caitlin blinked in surprise, "Proposal?"
A pink tint colored his cheeks, "Yes. You know the whole 'today, tomorrow, and forever' part? That was me proposing," he always envisioned his proposal to be this amazing spectacle of the will-you-marry me? Written in the sky variety. He was a sap like that, and yet, right this instant he didn't find a reason why they should wait any longer. They knew each other better than most married couples did already. It wouldn't be that much of a stretch, right?
"Oh," her face started to get really warm. Barry just...no...but he just said he did. "Don't you think we are skipping a lot of steps here?" she asked with a curious glint in her eye. Somehow the idea of them, erm, well, together that way, didn't bother her or even scare her as she expected. Of course, this was because it was Barry asking, but she needed to be absolutely sure.
He smiled sideways and cupped her face gently, "I hoped we were just taking a really big one," staring straight into her eyes, he remained silent and observed her, wondering what she would do next. They've known each other for over eight years. He knew her better than anyone in the world and she knew him just as well and now that he was being honest with himself, he could admit that they spent an inordinate amount of time together for people that were just friends. In fact, he could go as far as to say that in many ways they had been dating for a long, long, time considering everything that they've been through together. He knew it in his heart that this was the next logical step in their relationship… If it weren't because this was Iris and Eddie's wedding day, he would have probably just married her on the spot (but she didn't need to know that). He was beyond certain that Dr. Caitlin Snow, was the woman he wanted to spend his forever with. He loved her, he really did.
And it was time she knew that too.
She looked into his eyes for a long moment and saw something there. Something that she had already seen before, many times over the years, but now she knew what it was.
"Yes," she said merely above a whisper but full of certainty. Love was scary, in fact it could be terrifying...she knew a lot about that. However, when she looked at Barry, love became the most wonderful thing in the world. So much so, that despite all her reservations and fears, she felt it in her heart that everything would be okay. It would, because it was Barry by her side. Her Barry, the man that had been with her through thick and thin. The man that would bend over backwards for her happiness and wore his heart on his sleeve. His openness and selfless way of loving was everything Caitlin could ever want and more. Sure, things weren't always peachy and they had their disagreements from time to time and that was okay...because at the end of the day they would overcome any obstacle. She was certain of it.
"Yes?" Barry repeated as if this whole moment was surreal, "Yes!" Okay, there was no need to panic. Really there wasn't any need to panic, because for once everything was perfect. There were no masks and no pretenses. There was just a man who was wildly in love with a woman who loved him just as much.
"Can I kiss you?" She asked him with her adorable big hazel eyes, those that Barry had never been able to deny anything to.
He lowered his head and kissed her instead. Caitlin smiled into their kiss and laced her hands behind his neck carefully pulling him even closer to her.
That look in his eyes, those beautiful green eyes that meant the world to her, told her in no uncertain terms that he loved her. Every time he'd looked at her with those fond and smiling eyes, were him telling her that he loved her. Even when neither of them knew it.
She was also aware that she'd looked at him that way many, many, times in past as well. Nora told her as much.
What everyone else saw...now they saw it too.
{-}
"Mrs. A are you getting this?" Cisco asked as he maneuvered his drone expertly.
"Yes Cisco," she would save this for their wedding day, "You are by far the most intelligent young man I've ever come across,"
Cisco cleared his throat in mild embarrassment, "Anything for you Mrs. A, and can I just say that those two were way overdue,"
"Wait what did I miss?" Felicity asked from her end of the line, "Oh my god, they're kissing! Ollie, come and see this!" she yelled at her husband.
"It was all a matter of timing darling," Nora said with a knowing smile. She knew since the first time she heard her son talk about the girl that she would be a special person in his life.
"Oh and a BIG 'I told you so'," Felicity added with a smug look on her face. As soon as the kissing fest was over she would grill Caitlin over this. She knew this would happen sooner or later and finally her suspicions were confirmed in the best way possible.
Nora stared at her phone screen with a knowing smile. This was the right moment for those two. Barry had let go once and for all (or rather, finally realized that he had let go) and Caitlin, well, she'd finally given in to her true feelings and turned the page to a dark and heavy chapter of her life. "You will be sending this to me later tonight, right sweetie?"
"You bet! And in 4K resolution just for you," Cisco grinned, maybe later he could test his 3D technology too.
Nora couldn't be more ecstatic, "Excellent!" she looked at her husband approaching. "Well, I must get back to a wedding reception, but please don't stop recording on my behalf,"
"You better not Cisco," Felicity warned. This was better than the sappy romantic movies she'd seen with Thea before.
{-}
They were holding hands and smiling happily at each other. Everything was right in the world. Everything was perfect. And then Caitlin remembered something…
"Barry,"
"Hm," he turned to her and they stopped.
She chewed on her bottom lip and Barry began to panic internally. There was no possible way she was having second thoughts, right? RIGHT!?
The three seconds she took to speak were eternal to him, "Did you...uhm…"
"What is it Cait? You can tell me anything, you know that, right?" He said encouragingly.
She looked sideways and then back at him. She couldn't let this thing bother her any longer, "Yesterday I saw you with Iris,"
"Okay,"
"Why did you kiss her?" There, she had asked.
Barry blinked confused. Kissed Iris? He didn't...wait, "Did you see us at the gazebo?"
Caitlin nodded.
So that's why she left! Oh his Caitlin, "No, I didn't,"
"You...didn't? But I thought -"
"You didn't stay for the whole thing did you?"
She couldn't bear to stay for the whole thing, so no, she didn't stay. "Not really,"
"If you had you would have known that we didn't really kiss," they were about to, but it didn't feel right.
"Why?"
"Because we couldn't do that to the people we love,"
{-}
They were reminiscing on old days when Iris said softly.
"This could've been us,"
Barry remained silent, there was a lot of truth to that. But the fact that they weren't the couple about to get married was mostly because of her. And somehow he was coming to accept that reality.
"I mean these last few days, I…" she wasn't really sure what she wanted to say to him. "You didn't think about it? About us?"
He looked at her intently, "I did," because he would be lying if he said otherwise. It was funny, because he thought that if any of them were to touch on that subject, of, well, them, it would be him. In fact, he came to break up her wedding and yet...
"I wonder if maybe…" she took a step closer without breaking eye contact.
Barry saw her start to tip toe to reach him and he stood frozen in place. They were close, very, very close but...his heart wasn't beating wildly, he wasn't anxious or expectant. Instead this felt wrong, so very wrong, because Eddie didn't deserve this, but more than Eddie he thought about Caitlin. Caitlin, the girl or rather the woman, that had mended his heart, that had supported him throughout these years. The one that made him laugh, the one he could cry with, the one that was always there with open arms for him. The amazing doctor, that despite her better judgement, used her sacred vacation time to come and help him with his crazy plan. These last few days were clear proof that Caitlin was nothing short than an amazing friend, but more than that he realized that he wanted her to be much more than just his friend.
His mind began to replay the last few days in his head and more than him making time to steal Iris away, most of his memories were him having a great time with Caitlin
She was really the one he wanted to be with right this instant.
"I can't," they both said in unison.
The CSI noticed that there was an evident turmoil in Iris' face. She was probably going through a realization just like him. They both took a step away from each other.
"I love Eddie, he's the man that I want to be with," she said with watery eyes, "but you...I think that I've just felt a lot of guilt and channeled it in this perverse way,"
"Guilt?" He wasn't sure he understood what she was trying to say.
She nodded, "Barry, when I left...I...I felt horrible for doing that to you," and she really did. They'd been through so much since they were kids, that Barry deserved much more than her hasty goodbye, "and it's not like I didn't love you, because I did, I just…"
"You wanted more," he said knowingly. Finally, after eight years, they were talking about it. A conversation that had been way overdue between them.
She nodded, "I wanted to create a life for myself with my own expectations and not those of our parents," she let out a few tears and continued, "I wish I would've done things right, and not tried to brush everything under the rug like I did," because she just expected that he be accepting and supporting, just like he'd always been. However, he refused to talk to her for almost three years.
"I understand," now he did, "If you'd only told me that before…"
"I'm sorry, I was young and stupid," and a little selfish at times. "And these last few days felt almost like the old times when it was just you and I against the world,"
"Almost?" he wondered.
Iris rubbed some tears away, her make up was probably ruined, "Yeah, almost. Because the truth was, that our story was over a long time ago, and both of us have moved on,"
When Iris said moved on, he pondered on whether he had accomplished that and the truth was…
"We have," he said as if it was barely dawning on him that he had moved on.
"You know Bar," she said getting into that easiness with her friend. "Caitlin is a great girl for you,"
He unconsciously smiled at that, "She is, isn't she?"
"Yes, she's from you very rare species of adorable nerds,"
They both grinned at each other.
"You're in the best hands Iris. Eddie loves you a lot, I can see that a mile away," it was evident that the detective only had eyes for the beautiful journalist.
"We were both lucky that way, huh?" They'd been very blessed to end up with wonderful people.
"Very much so,"
They looked at each other as if a big weight had been lifted. The awkwardness that was ever present between them, or those uneasy feelings were gone. And now they were both a place where they could see each other as they were now and not the ghost of a relationship past.
Iris looked at Barry with a friendly spark and he opened his arms for her. She didn't hesitate to hug him too. After a few moments of comfortable silence Barry took a step back.
"Iris you will forever be a great friend to me," he turned towards his home, knowing there was somewhere else he needed to be right now, "but there's somewhere I need to go right now,"
Iris winked at him, "Go get her," she needed to catch up with her future husband too. Who said bachelor/bachelorette parties couldn't be done together?
"So no, we didn't really kiss,"
Phew, that really put her mind and heart at ease. Not that she could fault them if they had, since that was before he told her he loved her, but still. "That's good to know,"
"I didn't know you were the jealous type," he teased.
She smiled playfully, "I'm not. But that doesn't mean I like seeing you kiss other people, much less now that we are…" she trailed off.
"Engaged?" he supplied, always the helpful gentleman.
She blushed lightly, "Well yes,"
He gave her his trademark grin. This was a whole side of her he hadn't yet seen. It made sense considering Caitlin hadn't been in a relationship before, so these things would be foreign to her. The best part though? He could tease her mercilessly. That was what true love was all about anyway. "I'm going to have to come clean to my parents," he said as an afterthought.
"About that…" Caitlin gave Barry an interesting look.
Barry's eyes went wide in realization, "No,"
"Yes,"
"Since when?"
"Well…" she started to adjust his tie, "possibly since the very beginning,"
"You're kidding me," boy was he in trouble.
"I wish I was," Nora knew from the very beginning and it seems Henry wasn't that far off either. She would never try to pull something like this on them again.
"Maybe I shouldn't go back home today," he would avoid the conversation for as long as he could. He looked at her with those adorable green eyes of his, "Perhaps, I could -"
Caitlin gave him a serious look, "I think not,"
"But Cait," he pouted.
"We'll face them together," she said reassuringly while rubbing his shoulder affectionately.
"Can we do that tomorrow?" This was Iris' wedding night after all.
"Of course,"
His eyes shined with appreciation. "Great! So…"
"So?"
"Can I…" he was upping up his charm and got closer to her, carefully setting his hands on her lower back.
Caitlin raised a suspicious brow, "Barry," she started.
"Just tonight," he got dangerously close to her.
She rolled her eyes playfully, "I don't –"
He quickly interrupted her negative with a quick peck.
"Barry you –"
Then another.
"What are –"
And another.
"Stop you cheater," she said with a light smack on his chest.
"Come on Cait,"
"I suppose one night won't hurt," it's not like they haven't done it before in the past. "But there will be clear boundaries,"
"Fine by me," he said with a megawatt smile. He only wanted to remain close to her. After all, this would be their first night as a couple, an engaged one at that.
The thought made him giddy inside.
{-}
Fin ?