WREX! You're up buddy! Enjoy :) -AT

-This story uses a NON-CANON TIMELINE, it's sort of a mishmash of all three games so I can keep all the fun characters/make good jokes. You have been warned!

URDNOT WREX

TO

ALL CREW

1202, Day Cycle Alpha.25

RE: drunk or a kidd

stole the chieftains hump crest from a rival clan. Got caught werring it and doing a mating dance in the female camp. Nerly started a clan warr

COMMENTS ENABLED.

1205, LT ALENKO. That is a mental image I cannot unsee. It is burned into my mind's eye. A mating dance. Holy moly.

1205, TALI Z'ORAH. Surely if you were doing a mating dance you would have had to be drunk right?

1207, CMDR SHEPARD. I don't know, I wouldn't put it past a baby Wrex to do that…

1210, G VAKARIAN. OH SPIRITS DO NOT LOOK UP KROGAN MATING DANCES ON THE EXTRANET. QUICK, GET ME SOME BLEACH I CAN POUR IN MY EYES…

1213, CMDR SHEPARD. Surely it can't be THAT bad.

1215, CMDR SHEPARD. NO IT'S WORSE, SERIOUSLY DON'T, THAT SHIT IS F[REDACTED]ED. GARRUS, WHERE'S THAT BLEACH. I DON'T NEED MY SIGHT TO SAVE THE UNIVERSE RIGHT?

1220, FL MOREAU. Did you get the girl?

1222, URDNOT WREX. sadly no, krogan females are a picky bunch. Took them a wile to get me down thogh, no one cood scale the wall to the ledge I was on. got quite an audience, someone set up some music, think it was from Earth…

1225, CGO WILLIAMS. Oh man, what song was it?

1228, URDNOT WREX. was a while ago now… someone called Bee-on-say?

1230, CMDR SHEPARD. THIS IS OFFICIALLY THE GREATEST DAY OF MY LIFE. NOTHING WILL EVER TOP THIS. LIFE MADE.

1235, CGO WILLIAMS. OH. MY. GOODNESS.

1239, LT ALENKO. No…

1241, CMDR SHEPARD. PLEASE TELL ME IT WAS THIS SONG. [Link: Extranet video, 'All the single ladies' music video]

1245, URDNOT WREX. Does sound familiar… think that mite have been it. come to think of it, it may have been some humans that were there. Pyjaks had their omnitools filming the hol thing. Something about 'observing primitive cultures'.

1250, CGO WILLIAMS. *dies*

1252, FL MOREAU. There are no words. I am literally speechless. My stomach muscles are cramping because I'm laughing so hard.

1257, CMDR SHEPARD. I can just imagine him lip syncing to it and doing the booty dance… 'If you like it then you should have put a ring on it!' to the females XD XD

1258, CGO WILLIAMS. Did you do a strip tease Wrex? Did you show those ladies how big your hump is? You know what they say about a krogan with a big hump… *eyebrow waggle*

1303, LT ALENKO. Wow, this somehow ended up in an even more disturbing place. How is that possible?

1307, URDNOT WREX. I was alredy werring the traditional mating dance dress, loincloth made of varren skin with a fringe of their teeth.

1310, LT ALENKO. OH GOD PLEASE STOP.

1315, CGO WILLIAMS. Ok folks, place your bets! Before Alenko has an aneurysm.

1317, FL MOREAU. Drunk. Surely if it was a mating dance he'd have to have been drunk.

1321, LT ALENKO. Agreed. The alternative is just too much to contemplate. I reckon he was pissed.

1329, CMDR SHEPARD. Tali? You've been awfully quiet this round.

1331, G VAKARIAN. She's sitting in the battery with me, hands around her knees, rocking. I think Tali's forfeiting this round. I'm going with drunk too.

1337, CMDR SHEPARD. I'm going to be slightly controversial. Kid.

1345, CGO WILLIAMS. Ok Wrex, spill. Drunk or a kid?

1349, G VAKARIAN. I'm on tenterhooks here.

1350, URDNOT WREX. it was a week befor my 109th birthday.

1359, CMDR SHEPARD. Hmm. I'm not sure what category that falls into then…

1403, LT ALENKO. Well they say that one human year of growth is worth about nine krogan years. So he was—

1405, CMDR SHEPARD. TWELVE? YOU WERE TWELVE? WREX, you dirty bastard! Damned if I'm not a little proud of you.

1410, URDNOT WREX. guess it werked because since the genophage was cured the females have been lining up for me… had to hide in the food store with an ice pack for my bits last time I went back to Tuchanka…

1412, CGO WILLIAMS. Sweet mother of god…

End of post.

Somewhere, hidden deep in the Krogan archives (which is really just a disused bunker they occasionally throw old optical discs into) lies a datapad, cracked and paint flaking with age. On it, is one very special surveillance video, a gift as yet ungiven to the world. Wrex, doing the Single Ladies dance in a loincloth and hump crest. You're welcome.