If You Want Me

The last straw for Tina came when dinner had come to an end. Jacob had proposed all of them going down into Newt's case for a while; it would, after all, be the first time in months for three of them. Newt had agreed, and then made a beeline from the dinner table to his suitcase, quickly disappearing into the world it held within.

And, just as he'd done since he'd returned to New York City that afternoon, he didn't so much as look at her.

Her heart twisting fit to break, Tina stood up from the table and walked to the coat-rack by the door. Though Jacob followed Newt without noticing, of course Queenie spotted her. She didn't have to ask what Tina was doing or what was going on; she never had to.

As Tina put on her coat without looking at her sister, Queenie said, "Oh, Teenie, it's not what you think, he's just –"

Quick as a flash, Tina held up a hand to stop her sister and met her eye. "Queenie, don't. Anything you tell me you heard in his mind is none of my business unless he chooses to share it with me. And since he has barely spoken or even looked at me since he arrived, let alone never responded to my letters, I will respect his wishes and get out of his way. I need some air; please don't wait up for me."

Before Queenie could say another word, Tina was out the door.

A few minutes later, Queenie found Newt and Jacob at the bonsai tree where the bowtruckles lived. Both were trying to persuade Pickett to spend some time with his brothers and sisters with little success. Queenie made her presence known by clearing her throat. Both men turned to look at her.

While Jacob smiled, as he always did when he saw the woman he loved, Newt's eyes only glanced at her before looking her. When he saw that she was alone, his expression fell and became confused. "Where's Tina?"

Queenie crossed her arms and glared at Newt. "She left. Went for a walk. She does that when she's upset."

Newt's eyes widened and his expression became devastated. But then, he tried to feign confusion by asking, "Oh…w-why would she b-be upset?"

"Don't act stupid, Newt, it's beneath you!" Queenie growled, stepping towards Newt. "And so is how you're treating my big sister!"

Newt's expression contorted into agony before he began to plead: "Please, Queenie, you must understand –"

"Oh, I do," said Queenie, and her tone was a touch less biting but no less serious. "Your thoughts are loud enough for the whole building to hear if they could. But they can't, Newt, and Tina can't either. Your reasons don't mean anything if you keep them to yourself."

Newt opened his mouth to speak but Queenie cut him off before he could.

"No, Newt. I will not do this for you, and you know that! Tina needs and deserves to hear it from you. And you need to talk to her, because right now, she thinks that you can't stand her."

Newt's face crumpled, and he buried it in the palms of his hands. Queenie then looked at Jacob, for she could hear that he was trying to talk to her in his mind.

He was looking at her steadily, a little sadly but reassuringly too. Let me talk to him, honey.

Exhaling, Queenie nodded and gave him a small, grateful smile. Yes, Jacob was exactly what Newt needed right now.

By the time that Tina had finally stopped walking, she'd lost count of how many times she had swiped tears from her eyes before they could fall. She was sure that she'd looked like a madwoman walking to passers-by, but this was New York City, whose citizens were used to seeing lots of crazy on the streets.

Looking around to see where she'd ended up, Tina groaned and and paced in a circle before sitting down on a bench. She'd walked from the Lower East Side to Battery Park, at the very southern tip of Manhattan. The bench she sat on was close to and faced the ocean. It was late April, but since it was a Monday and the sun had long since set, it wasn't very crowded.

It wasn't the first time that she'd come here by a long shot, and she knew why. She had come here whenever she'd missed Newt more than usual. When it had been weeks since she'd sent a letter and no reply had come back…whenver she would remember that week he's stayed with her and Queenie, and how easily they could talk to each other…when she'd seen someone in a crowd that reminded her of him…Morrigan, it was hard sometimes. So hard.

It wasn't until a spring rain began to fall that Tina let her tears fall with them.

After Queenie had left the case (which she did right after her silent moment of understanding with Jacob), the two men stood in silence for a minute: Newt still with his face in his hands, Jacob standing with his hands in his pockets, and the bowtruckles watching silently from the tree (and Pickett from Newt's pocket).

Finally, Jacob sighed and placed a warm hand on Newt's shoulder. "Let's sit down somewhere," he said.

Newt let his hands fall from his face and nodded wordlessly. He then motioned for Jacob to follow him from the bonsai tree and back to his shed. Once inside, Jacob sat on the desk chair and Newt sat on his cot.

"Ok, Newt," began Jacob, trying to keep all judgement and sharpness from his tone. "What's going on?"

Newt looked briefly at Jacob before looking back down at his feet. "What has Queenie told you?"

"Nothing."

Newt looked back up at Jacob in surprise, and the baker went on to explain.

"Queenie makes it a rule not to talk about her sister or anybody else she's close to with me, and vice versa. She feels bad enough that she's able to read their minds, so she tries to make up for it by keeping what she finds there to herself. Unless she gets permission from them, or feels like she has to in order to help them."

Newt nodded. "Only people like Queenie should have the power of Legilimency."

Jacob nodded, knowing how such a gift could be abused by the worst of minds. "Now, back to the topic at hand. Queenie said that Tina wrote to you, but you never responded?"

Newt heaved a great sigh, and then pointed to a point just to the left of Jacob. "Under the desk. Pull out the waste basket. Then look inside."

Jacob obeyed and did so. He didn't smell anything alarming, which relieved him. Looking into the small, rotund container, he saw that it was nearly full of nothing but crumpled parchment. He pulled out a few pieces and smoothed them out. It didn't take him long to realize what he was looking at.

Letting out a sad chuckle, he looked at the pathetic figure sitting on the cot. "Okay, Newt. I think I know what's going on here, but I need to hear it from you. Start from the beginning."

Though Tina's heart was breaking, she remained a practical and sensible woman. She used her wand to make an umbrella before she could get completely soaked by the spring rain. Standing up from the bench, Tina knew that she couldn't stay away forever. Doing that would make her just as immature about this situation as Newt was being. She wasn't going to do that.

No, she would go back to her apartment, force Newt to look her in the eye and tell her what the hell was going on.

But since the prospect made her feel slightly sick, she decided to walk back at an unhurried pace. Wouldn't be wise to rush in the rain, anyway. Slippery pavements and hurried steps didn't mix, after all.

Thankfully, there were very few people walking around in this weather at this time of the evening. Besides, the spell for an umbrella was such that, should a No-Maj view a witch or wizard doing this with his wand, it would look to them like an ordinary umbrella. It was one of the very few things that magical people could do openly in front of No-Maj's without being detected. So Tina walked with her wand aloft, protected from the steadily increasing downpour, towards home.

She tried desperately to let the sounds of the city and the pouring rain sooth her mind. It always had before, and it should now. But it was tough work, knowing what she would be returning to: a man she was sure she was falling in love with who didn't want to talk to her, or even look at her.

But why?

She knew that Queenie could tell her, but she wouldn't have that. It was hard enough for Queenie when she'd told Tina about the photo of Leta Lestrange before Newt had left the first time. She had seen Tina's growing feelings, and thought it only fair to explain (or warn) her of the biggest obstacle. Perhaps that explained Newt's behavior: Leta. Had he…rekindled what he'd had with Leta, and didn't want to talk about it?

Well, whatever the reason, she needed to hear it from Newt and no one else.

Tina had prepared herself for quite a few scenarios when she returned home to her apartment: Mrs. Esposito scolding her for walking around in the rain as she entered the building, Queenie waiting up for her to scold her for running off and walking around in the rain, finding the apartment quiet (thanks to Newt being shut up in his case, and Queenie and Jacob confined to Queenie's bedroom with a powerful silencing spell, thank Morrigan), to name the most likely.

What Tina didn't expect to find was Newt in her sitting room, pacing, waiting for her.

He looked up when she shut the door behind her. It was the first time he'd really looked at her since he'd come back. It was a powerful gaze, too, and it made her feel both exposed (due to how damp the rain had made her) and warm (due to the nature of that gaze).

It was a long moment, the two of them truly looking at each other for the first time since they'd said goodbye at the docks. Newt broke it by taking in the state that Tina was in. "Tina, you're soaked!" He began to step towards her. "Y-you must be freezing, let me –"

"I can take care of myself!" Tina snapped, stepping back like a wounded animal. His sudden concern hurt her more than it touched her, because it was only coming after hours of ignorance and avoidance.

Newt, skilled as he was in taking care of magical creatures who had been hurt or mistreated, wisely took a step back and made his voice soft and gentle. "I know you can, Tina," he said, and his eyes were pleading and remorseful. "But…I've behaved badly…and I want to make it up to you. Please."

Tina looked at him, and she could tell that he wasn't lying. Queenie must have really threatened him, she thought off-handedly. Knowing that they needed to talk, Tina decided to relent a little. So, she nodded and pointed towards the bathroom. "Get me a towel, then."

He nodded and hurried into the bathroom. Tina then peeled off her damp spring coat and kicked off her water-logged shoes. Newt returned from the bathroom carrying a folded towel as she walked to the sofa. "Thanks," she muttered as she took the towel from Newt. She wrapped it around her shoulders like a blanket as she sat down. It was warm (perhaps he'd warmed it with a spell). That touched her, but she didn't forget what needed to be done.

She patted the cushion next to her sharply. "Sit," she said. "We need to talk."

Thankfully, Newt obeyed, sitting down and turning himself to face her. He opened his mouth, shut it again, tried again, shut it again. This went on for a few seconds before Tina sighed and spoke first.

"Look, just tell me if it's something I did or said," she said, staring at her hands in her lap. "Whatever it is, I never wanted to hurt you or make you uncomfortable or –"

"Tina, stop, please," Newt interrupted in a broken voice that made Tina look at him again. He met her gaze bravely with bright eyes. "It's not you. It was never you. It's me, all me…" He turned around and pulled over something that she hadn't noticed beside the sofa. It looked like a waste-basket, and it looked to be filled with crumpled parchment. "Please look," he said, pointing to the bin.

Tina, eager for answers, reached into the bin and pulled out several crumpled pieces of parchment. She smoothed out the first, read it, and her eyes widened. She did the same with the second, then the third and fourth, and then she pulled out a few more.

They were all the beginnings of letters, all of them starting with Dear Tina. Some were a few paragraphs, some were barely a sentence long. All were written by Newt, and most contained cross-outs and illegible scribbles.

Finding it a little harder to breathe, Tina replaced the parchment back in the bin and looked at Newt. He was looking at the full bin. "They never sounded right…I always seemed to come across as…I don't know, idiotic or…foolish, maybe…"

Tina sighed. She was glad that he hadn't completely ignored her, but even still: "I wouldn't have cared, Newt. Each time you didn't respond, it was me who looked and felt like the fool."

Newt hung his head and nodded. "You're absolutely right. I'm so sorry, Tina."

He looked so dejected and remorseful that Tina sighed and turned on the sofa so that they faced each other. "Is that why you've avoided me since you came back? Because you feel bad about that?"

Newt cleared his throat and rubbed the back of his neck. "Partly…" he muttered.

Tina waited for him to say more, but Newt just sat there, staring at his hands that were clenched as tightly as his jaw. When the small clock in the sitting room softly chimed the hour, Tina sighed again. She had come home determined to get answers, but seeing him like this made her not want to push him right now. Knowing that he'd at least tried to respond to her letters could be enough for tonight.

"Look, it's late," said Tina, standing up from the sofa, "and if you need to –"

"No!" Newt exclaimed as he grabbed her hand.

Tina stilled, and saw that his gaze was pleading again. Eventually, both of their gazes dropped to their joined hands. Tina expected Newt to let go, but he didn't. Instead, he caressed it with his thumb as she sat back down beside him. Then, he lifted her hand to his lap and caressed it with his other hand as well.

Tina's heart by now was pounding like a drum. His hands were calloused, almost rough, but his touch was warm and gentle. Like his face, freckles covered them, and each bore a scar or two. They had held hands once before, but then they had been running for their lives. Now, they were still, and Tina knew that, whatever came out of Newt's mouth now, it would be significant.

"I've been an awful coward, Tina," he said, looking at their joined hands. "About…this."

"This?" Tina breathed, hardly daring to believe what Newt was implying.

Newt confirmed it when he raised her hand to his lips and tenderly kissed it. Tina's breath strangled in her throat. She scooched closer to him on the sofa, keeping her hand in both of his. With her free hand, Tina hesitantly raised it until her fingers brushed his cheek. His gaze met hers again, his eyes filling with frightened hope.

"I thought…that I'd imagined it," Tina admitted softly, letting her hand fall back down to cover Newt's hands holding her other hand. "That it…was only me."

"It wasn't…it's not." Newt met her eyes again, a warm relief filling them but not erasing the fear completely. "I'm so sorry for my silence, Tina…I just never expected to feel…anything like this again. Quite frankly, I had no desire to, and it frightened me."

Tina remembered the few words that Queenie had told her about Leta, and she nodded. "Because you've been hurt before. Badly. Am I right?" She asked as gently as she could, not wanting to scare him away.

Newt, however, stayed where he was, still holding her hands. He gulped and he nodded.

Tina took a deep breath. "You're not the only one who's scared, Newt, though it's for a different reason."

She paused, trying to figure out the best way to explain it without sounding pathetic. Newt squeezed her hands, which helped a great deal. She bravely held his gaze as she spoke again.

"I was never noticed…that way. At school, I was too tall, socially awkward, shy, and plain. I had crushes, but they were never returned. Compared to my sister, the pretty one, I was the plain one. It was hard sometimes, and lonely too. Once, when I was fifteen, I thought a guy liked me back…but it turned out that he was only dating me so that he could get close to my sister." The ghost of a smile flickered across Tina's mouth. "When Queenie found out, she nearly got suspended because of the hexes she did on him."

"He was a bloody tosser who deserved it," Newt bit out, holding her hands more tightly.

In spite of herself, Tina chuckled. "You Brits have some very funny words. 'Tosser,' 'bloody,' 'muggle' is the one that really baffles me. But I think the accent lets you get away with it."

Newt smiled in return. "You Yanks are no better, but we can debate that later. Please continue."

Tina nodded and did so. "By the time I graduated, I had decided that I didn't need a man to make me happy; that my sister, the family she would have (because I knew that what Queenie wanted most was to have her own family), a job that I loved, and my independence would be enough. Like you, I never expected to feel this way…" She paused and took a deep breath before she finished, because these would be the most difficult words to say. "But it seems like you don't want this, and…if that's the case, just be honest with me. I would never want to hurt you."

Newt held her gaze, and though Tina felt more exposed than she ever had when Queenie'd read her mind, Tina bravely held it. If he was going to break her heart, she would face it bravely and pick herself up when it was over.

But Newt, as he always did, surprised her. He lifted one of his hands and stroked her hair, the same way he had when they'd said goodbye at the docks. It made Tina want to cry. But then his fingers moved to her cheek, gently caressing her cheek and jawline. Then, his fingers cupped her chin, and Tina noticed that his face had come closer to hers. She offered no resistance, and her eyes fell shut when his lips touched hers.

Their first kiss was very gentle, and lingered for quite a while. When it was over, Newt kept his face close to hers in order to emphasize the significance of his next words:

"I had a very good talk with Jacob after you left, and he reminded me of a very important truth: you don't let a Goldstein get away. What I don't want, Tina, is to lose you. Though I'm nowhere near worthy of you…would you accept me as a suitor?"

Tina had to smile, and she resolved to thank Jacob a thousand thanks in the morning. There he went again using such an odd British term for things, and she loved it. As she smiled, she cupped his cheek and replied, "I'll accept you on two conditions."

Newt blinked. "Name them," he responded.

Her expression became serious as she spoke. "One, when I write, you write back."

Newt nodded, looking remorseful but determined. "I promise, Tina. Truly, I do."

Nodding, satisfied, she resumed. "Two, I believe I was promised a copy of a certain book in person?"

Newt's gaze relaxed and became hopeful again. "It's in my case, in a desk drawer. I wrapped it for you. It's the first copy printed."

Tina smiled again, bigger than before. "Then of course I accept you. You're the best man I've ever known, Newt."

Newt's smile was radiant as he stood up from the sofa and helped her up by the hand. No sooner was she on her feet than she was in his arms and being kissed again. She returned the kiss in kind, smiling as she did, her own arms wrapping around his neck.

Since this second kiss was quite a bit more enthusiastic and passionate than the first, both participants had a bit of a punch-drunk expression on their flushed faces. Neither cared, though; they were too happy. Newt then took Tina by the hand (and the waste-basket in the other) and walked to his case. She gladly followed him back into his world.

Her heart never left it.

A/N: This story came to me while listening to the song "If You Want Me" from the soundtrack to the fantastic movie "Once." The image came to my mind of Tina walking New York City at night, frustrated by a certain magizoologist and what he may or may not feel for her. Here is the one-shot that is the result; I hope you enjoy it. :D