"Again."

There's a second of hesitation, one heartbeat too many.

"I said 'again', Lucy."

She shrinks back from the shift of his voice, trembling fingers clenching the bow tighter than she should. "My hands hurt, Papa." Her voice is weak, strained. The words have been ignored too many times.

"I don't recall asking you whether your hands hurt."

"But –"

"Do not make me repeat myself. Again."

Lucy jerked awake, one hand thrown in the air to stop what would come next. She sat straight up in bed, taking shaky breaths until her heart had calmed to a normal speed and her eyes no longer saw the looming figure before her. When she had finally settled back into reality, dreams shoved firmly aside, she curled a little into herself, forehead pressing against her bare knees.

How long had it been since she dreamed of her father like that?

From the foot of her bed, she heard Plue whine once and then the bed shifted as he moved closer, tentatively licking her hand. Lucy moved slightly to allow him the chance to make himself comfortable against her before laying back down, staring at the dark ceiling. It had only been a few hours since she unceremoniously shoved Natsu out her door, only a few more until Levy and Cana would be pounding on her door for answers. Lucy scowled up into the darkness at the thought. She nearly looked over to her closet, wondering if she'd be able to see the outline of the violin case where she'd frantically shoved the instrument.

Her heart ached a little at how far she had come. Propelled away from the music, propelled away from her mother. But she hadn't been able to leave the bad behind without leaving the good, the two so interwoven. Where there was the music, there was the memories and after so many years of bruised knuckles and swollen wrists, the desire to leave the latter won over the need to keep the former safe. And now that the one had returned to her, it seemed the other was only too willing to follow along.

Lucy closed her eyes again, curling onto her side away from the closet. They would want to know everything. How it started, what it was like, why it ended. They were her friends. Best friends. But the thought of trying to put everything into words made her stomach clench and heart stutter in her chest.

"I'm not ready," she whispered into the darkness, grabbing a pillow and clutching to her chest. Like a child, searching for anything soft to fight against the darkness, Lucy clung to the pillow until finally falling back into another round of restless sleep, silently begging for the strength to give her friends what they wanted without shattering before them.

Saturday

From: Levy

(07:34) Lucy I know you're in there, just open the door so Cana can quit knocking

(07:34) LUUUUCCCYYYY

(07:35) You promised, come on!

(07:39) One of your neighbors is coming out to yell at us omg

(07:41) YOU LITTLE SNEAK GET BACK HERE AND ANSWER YOUR PHONE

Lucy bit her bottom lip as she scrolled through the texts, dozens of them pinging her phone for the last few hours. A few missed calls, but no angry voice messages waiting for her. Perhaps it wasn't the smartest decision she could have made, but when she found herself awake again around seven in the morning, Lucy had panicked. The idea of explaining everything still felt too overwhelming, so she did the only thing she could think of to prolong it a little more.

Her first thought had been to hide away in the back offices of the library, but even if Levy didn't technically have access anymore, it wouldn't necessarily deter her from barging in anyways. Hibiki wouldn't stop her if she was on a rampage – for someone so physically small, her friend could certainly pack a punch when angered. Her next thought was to simply take Plue and leave town for a few days, maybe head up to Acalphya and visit her mother's grave. It had been quite some time since she paid her respects, but she ultimately decided against it on account of not wanting her first visit in five years to be a means of escape. So instead, she chose to walk around the city. It was simple, and Magnolia was large enough that she could safely assume they wouldn't find her too easily, allowing her to settle herself into what was to come.

Eventually, of course, she would owe her friends an explanation and probably a little more as a result of her cowardice. Lucy just needed more time to prepare herself, that was all. That was what she kept repeating to herself, at any rate. It wasn't much, but it was enough to keep her from panicking and doing anything worse than simply taking a walk. Plue trotted happily alongside her, tail thumping against her calf as he enjoyed the good weather, oblivious to her turmoil. Apart from the looming sense of dread, it would have been a perfect morning. Just a girl and her dog as they aimlessly walked the paths that they'd walked dozens of times before. She stopped to check on some sales and ignored her phone as it continued to numb her thigh from the constant vibrations. To anyone who saw her, Lucy looked just an everyday resident in a relaxing walk with her dog.

Internally, however, her mind was positively ablaze. Attempted predictions of what her friends would ask, trying to plan out how she'd respond, if she would respond. How much detail they'd force her to go into, whether it'd be worth it to fight them for her privacy. Around and around it went, refusing to be silenced for more than a couple minutes at a time.

Beneath the flurry of thoughts and anxieties, Natsu's song was still stuck in her head. She caught herself humming it as she walked and forced herself to stop, only to do the same thing all over again a couple minutes later. It was unusual for a melody to latch itself to her thoughts like this, but it was a pleasant distraction from everything else. Better to hum his song than listen to her father berating her in her memories or the questions her friends would no doubt be asking in the near future. Besides, it wasn't the worst tune to have looping in her head, just a bit strange.

Lucy found herself wondering more about him – when did he start playing? Who taught him to play without sheet music? How well did he and Levy know each other? Plue had tugged her over near a tree to sniff around, and she stared out at the canal as she thought. As far as she could recall, Levy had never mentioned her piano prodigy foster brother, or really anything at all about her time in foster care. Not that she seemed particularly unwilling, Lucy just wasn't sure whether she should ask. And, well, if she was being totally honest with herself, she had hoped that the less she asked about her friends lives before college, the less they'd ask about her own. It had worked, for the most part.

At the end of the day, she had wanted to leave that part of her life behind her so she could become someone else. A stronger person, one who didn't cower under the harsh look of her father.

Plue tugged on the leash again, and the sudden strain on her arm snapped her out of her thoughts. Lucy sighed, gently leading him towards a wooden bench so neither of them would be in the way of passing pedestrians. Was she really any better now than she was five years ago? Always running away, never confronting her demons.

With her phone now in hand, however, it seemed much easier said than done. Lucy stared at the screen, throat swelling at the boxes of texts that littered her screen. What was usually a calming background image was nearly hidden by the sheer quantity of unopened messages. That in of itself was overwhelming enough, the not so subtle reminders of what was waiting for her just beyond the lock screen. Lucy closed her eyes and let her arm lower back to her side, hand trembling a little around the device as she placed it screen-side down. Much easier said than done, it seemed.

She stayed there for a few moments longer, growing increasingly annoyed with herself. This was all so silly, she kept telling herself. She was acting like a child.

"Lucy? Is everything alright?"

Lucy's head snapped up, blinking up at the person standing before her. Lisanna leaned in, a concerned look decorating her brilliant blue eyes. "I didn't mean to startle you!" she said quickly, backing away and holding her hands up. "You seemed a little distressed, I just wanted to make sure you weren't hurt."

She blinked a few times as her words processed, steadily realizing how she must have looked. "Oh, yeah, I'm fine," Lucy said with a nervous laugh, holding up Plue's leash. "Took him out for a walk and just needed a breather." Lisanna nodded slowly, biting down on her bottom lip. An awkward silence settled between them, neither particularly sure what to say. They'd shared a class together, had interacted a few times within the confines of that class, but apart from meeting again at Fairy Tail the night before, it had always just been confined to the classroom. Lucy expected her to be on her way, but Lisanna remained in place, chewing on her bottom lip and shifting her weight from one foot to the other. "I'm sorry, is there someth –"

"I'm so sorry, Cana and Levy asked me to help them look for you."

The words spilled out her mouth in a rush, and Lucy groaned. To her credit, Lisanna did look a little ashamed at having agreed, pale cheeks now a blotchy red. "I shouldn't be so surprised," Lucy mumbled, keeping her face buried in her hands.

She felt the bench shift a little as Lisanna took a seat next to her. "They're, um, really worried about you," Lisanna offered. "I've known them for a while, and I can honestly say I've never seen Cana so riled up unless it involved alcohol or Gildarts." Lucy groaned again, body curling further so that her forehead pressed against her knees. "If you don't mind me asking, what happened?"

For a few seconds, Lucy didn't respond. If she wasn't ready to tell her closest friends the story, she certainly wasn't ready to tell someone she hardly knew. "I just," Lucy started, finally lifting herself up. Her eyes stared forward, watching the park rather than her companion. "I kept a big secret from them and now that they know, they want all the details. It sounds so silly, but I'm just not sure if I'm ready to tell them about it. It's not really something I've spoken about in a long time." Lisanna didn't say anything, but she could see her nodding from the corner of her eye. "And now that the thing in question has reinserted itself back into my life, it all feels so overwhelming."

Less than twenty-four hours she'd been dealing with this. It felt like a lifetime already, but it was hardly even a full day. "You know, they aren't trying to make things feel overwhelming," Lisanna said softly. Lucy glanced towards her, but she was looking down at Plue as he pawed at her legs. "And if it's really something that painful, they would never force you to talk about it. They'd understand, is what I'm trying to say."

It seemed so obvious when she said it like that. Cana could be pushy, sure, but she knew when the line had been drawn and when it was time to back off. Heat filled her cheeks at how childish she had acted. Was acting. "You're right," she said, offering her a small smile. "I've been acting like a little kid about everything."

"That's alright. They can come off pretty strong when they want something," Lisanna laughed. "If you're going to find them, you better hurry. I thought I heard Levy say something about calling Erza in for the hunt, and if you think Cana can be tough…"

Lucy frowned. Natsu had mentioned an Erza as well. "I'm sorry, who is 'Erza'?" she asked curiously, tugging on Plue's leash so that he didn't attempt to chase after a passing dog. "Natsu mentioned it the other morning as well." Lisanna seemed to perk up a little at the mention of Natsu, eyes a little wider. Lucy blinked. "Oh, I actually ran into him yesterday morning," she explained with a short laugh. "He was practicing in the CPA and I was passing through and got a little curious. I wasn't going to interrupt him, but I accidentally made a noise and he jumped up and apologized, and then said 'you're not Erza' when he realized it was just me."

"That sounds like Natsu," Lisanna said fondly. The affection in her voice was thick, but there was no time to ask her about it. "Erza is a good friend of ours, Levy and Cana too. She was one of Gramps' first foster kids, and since she's always been a little older than the rest of us, she kind of became our big sister. Making sure we did our homework, stayed out of trouble."

"I assume that sneaking into university buildings wasn't a lesson."

Lisanna laughed again, nodding. "Natsu was always getting into trouble growing up," she said. "As a result, he dealt with Erza's wrath a bit more often than anyone else. He didn't help himself by constantly trying to usurp her title of being the 'strongest' among us. It's good to see that he's still got a healthy fear of her; maybe he'll quit breaking into the CPA now." Lucy grinned, wondering if that had ever stopped him before.

Gathering up Plue's leash, she rose to her feet, brushing off the front of her shirt a little. "Thanks for finding me," she told Lisanna as she also stood. "I'll let Cana and Levy know I'm ready to talk now. And," Lucy tilted her head a little, watching her carefully. "I'd love to hang out some time."

She seemed a little surprised by the offer, but a bright smile quickly spread. "Definitely! Here, let me add your number in my phone so we can try to plan something." The girls exchanged cell phones, quickly typing in their respective numbers. "Oh, maybe we could have a girls day!" Lisanna said once they each had their own device again. "You could meet Erza and Juvia, too!" Admittedly, Lucy wasn't too certain how she would feel having a girls night that was comprised of at least two people she had never met before, but it was difficult not to share in the girls excitement.

With a grin, she started to turn. "Absolutely," Lucy called. "That'd be amazing!"

Lisanna grinned back, waving a little as Plue began pulling her further down the street. "I'll see you around, Lucy!"

To: Levy, Cana

(9:43) Meet me at the coffee place in ten minutes. I'll explain everything.

"What the absolute fuck was all that about, Heartfilia?!" Cana started, leaning across the table with a dangerous look in her eyes. "Don't you think for even one second you can make up for this with coffee and a quick story!" Lucy held her hands up in the air between them, but otherwise did not interrupt her friends well deserved tirade. "We were worried sick! And then that cryptic text? Come on!"

Levy was nodding along vigorously, cheeks puffed out and arms crossed. "You could have at least told us you needed more time," she huffed. This time, it took some genuine effort to avoid pointing out that they had been pounding on her door at nearly eight in the morning looking for answers. Asking for more time hadn't necessarily felt like a viable option. "That was really irresponsible of you!"

"I know!" Lucy interrupted, deciding to finally cut them off before they could go too far into their no doubt rehearsed speeches. "It was stupid and childish." Levy deflated a little bit, but Cana remained steady in her anger, dark eyes narrowing into a pointed glare. "I just…wasn't ready to talk about it. And, honestly, I still don't think I am now, either. But you guys are my friends, and this isn't something I can keep running away from," she continued, finally lowering her hands back to the table. Her fingers trailed around the edges of her iced coffee, collecting small beads of moisture.

Across the table, Levy gently nudged Cana with her arm, gesturing subtly to Lucy with her head in a silent message. Cana only stared at her with an unamused expression before heaving an exasperated sigh, rolling her eyes. "Yeah, yeah, I get it," she grumbled. "Everyone's got shit they'd rather not talk about. You don't have to tell us every little detail or anything."

Lucy smiled, taking a deep breath. One more sip of coffee and then a quick wipe of the perspiration falling down the sides before she looked back up at them, not surprised to find them both watching her intently. "I started playing when I was about four. Pretty self taught, mostly done in secret. Then for my mama's birthday that year, I showed her my progress," Lucy started, eventually returning her gaze to her drink. "After that, she and papa started to teach me, and once he felt I was ready, I started doing recitals and a couple contests around town. My first major performance was when I was seven, which I think is what all those articles quote as my debut." Levy nodded, leading forward in her excitement. Cana, however, was leaning back, arms crossed against her chest. "Not long after that was when my mama started to get sick and so my father took over as my instructor. He was…overzealous, to say the least. So even though it was something I only really wanted to do for mama, he wanted to make it about being the absolute best."

She hesitated, hands still fidgeting against the drink. The words were right there, waiting patiently for her to speak them into existence.

Instead, she shrugged. "After that, I guess you probably read in the articles. All the tours and concerts and special solo's," she said softly. "I really did enjoy it, for the most part. It was all I had known, I guess. Mama used to play for me when I was really little, so the music was always right there. And, you know, getting to travel around and meet these musicians my parents admired was incredible!" A smile was decorating her face at the fond memories, but it started to slip as she looked down once more. "Then my mother passed away."

Lucy paused to take a long drink of her coffee, needing the time to collect herself once more. Talking about her mother was something she tried to avoid, the memories still as raw now as they had been the night it happened. "After that, Papa…changed. I don't know, I think even when she was sick, Mama kept him from getting too carried away. For her, it was more about the music and enjoying myself. But Papa wouldn't accept anything less than absolute perfection." Levy's eyes narrowed a little, glancing over to Cana with a worried tilt of her head. Lucy didn't see it, too absorbed in watching a small drip of condensation as it moved down her cup. "It stopped being fun. My entire life was consumed with practicing and traveling and performing. I stopped going to school entirely and switched to online classes, didn't even really have the chance to make friends," she said, offering a delicate shrug of her shoulders. "So one day, I decided that I didn't want to live like that anymore."

Silence settled over the three of them, her friends uncertain of what to say. "Lucy," Levy finally said after a few terse moments. "Lucy, I'm so sorry, that must have been really difficult for you." Cana nodded, finally shifting forward, hands resting against the table like she might say something. "Have you ever considered, um, playing again? You know, just for yourself, no concerts or anything like that."

"Not really," Lucy sighed. "I put that part of my life behind me, so I'm not really interested in revisiting it or anything like that."

"Alright, but wouldn't that be the ultimate 'fuck you' to your dad?" Cana asked, a wicked smile spreading across her face. "To start playing again after all these years but for free? For no recognition or anything?" Levy's eyes widened and she started to bounce a little in her seat like the excitement was too much for her to handle. "Think of how angry he'd be if you walked away only to return as some nobody bar performer!"

Despite the absurdity of it all, even Lucy had to laugh. It would certainly be something for her father to hear about that. Years and years of grooming, of rules being beaten into her – sometimes literally – only to return to the violin as some sort of stage performer. Like a fiddler. "You're not wrong," she said, holding her hands up. With that single joke, Cana had managed to puncture the tension that had been settling between them ever since they first heard her utter the word 'violin'. The fear of speaking about it slowly dissipated as the girls told their jokes and imagined increasingly outrageous ways for her to give one last middle finger to her old life.

How foolish she had been, Lucy realized, to run from her friends.

As they eventually settled down, tears still pricking the corner of their eyes, Cana leaned forward once more. "So I heard a funny little thing last night," she said. Lucy tensed, knowing that borderline singsongy voice. Levy seemed just as confused as she was, however, looking between the two of them curiously. "You and Natsu seemed to really hit it off last night, hm?"

Lucy blinked, lips parting. Immediately, her heart started to race in her chest, and while she tried to think of a quick explanation or denial, her face colored. "Oh my God did you leave Fairy Tail with Natsu last night?!" Levy screeched, pointing a finger at her wildly. "You and Natsu?!"

"N-no!" Lucy tried, but the damage was done. Damn her pale skin and tendency to blush in situations like this! "I mean, yes, kind of, but not the way you're thinking!" Cana howled with laughter, clutching her stomach while Levy visibly freaked out. "It's not what you think! He just walked me home!"

Both of them shared a similar sound of disbelief, prompting Lucy to bury her still blushing face against her hands. "We've known Natsu for a pretty long time," Cana said, leaning forward again. "So we can say with certainty that he's never walked a pretty girl home after a gig. Not a stranger, at any rate. So-o…" She let her voice carry on, dark eyebrows wiggling. "Did you at least get his number? I have it if you didn't, he's a great drinking buddy. I swear I've never seen that kid actually end up drunk." Lucy didn't look up from her hands, pressing her forehead against the tabletop. "Maybe we should call him and get his side of the story?"

Before Cana could even whip out her phone, Lucy was on her feet. Red-faced and huffing in annoyance, bag thrown carelessly over her shoulder. "Aw, come on, we're just messing around," Levy whined, reaching out to grab her hand. "Don't go!"

Lucy sighed, cheeks still puffed out in a pout. "I have to work," she explained, pulling her arm free from her friends' grasp before she accidentally smacked in on the table. "I traded with Hibiki so I could go to Crocus yesterday." Levy slumped against the table a little, face still screwed in an adorable pout. Cana just leaned back, lifting her drink up. "Oh, I ran into Lisanna before I came here. She mentioned something about a girls day." Both of them perked up at the idea. "I need to leave, but I'll talk to you guys later."

With one last wave over her shoulder, she left, tossing the empty coffee cup in the trash bin as she passed. She hadn't expected to leave this conversation feeling as good as she did, but Lucy wouldn't trade this feeling for the world. Her friends had accepted her story without prying too deep into the dark undertones she couldn't exclude entirely. It seemed even more ridiculous now that she had tried so fervently to run from it all. For the first time in too many years, her past felt less like some heavy anchor tied around her ankle and more like a simple fact.

She entered the library in this good mood, waving hello to her coworkers and various students as she made her way to the back room to check where Hibiki had been assigned today. Top floor, reshelving. Not the most exciting way to spend the next six hours. Lucy didn't complain, however, simply pulled her work lanyard over her head and grabbed the heavy fifth floor cart.

While she worked, her thoughts wandered – to the various titles she read, to her own current work in progress, to Natsu. He was like a pebble caught in the sole of her thoughts, refusing to go away no matter often she tried. She even put in headphones so that she could drown out the lingering memory of his tune. But shelving wasn't exactly the most thought provoking of assignments, so her thoughts kept finding ways to circle back around. Peeling gold lettering across a dark burgundy book led to thoughts of reds and oranges led to flames led to the vibrant shift in the tune led to – damn it. If Cana and Levy hadn't been teasing her before she left, this wouldn't be happening!

Lucy rolled her eyes at her own inability to quiet her thoughts, reaching down to grab the next book. Her fingers crashed against something hard a little sooner than expected, and she half turned to see how she had misjudged the familiar distance when a startled screech escaped her.

Like a manifestation of her own thoughts, Natsu stood beside her cart with a book in hand and arm half extended towards her. Lucy tried to twist in her surprise at someone standing right next to her but all that happened was the step-stool teetering on its old wooden legs as it sent her to the ground. One of her earbuds fell out in the air, leaving her with half a song playing happily along and the sound of his laughter burning in the other ear. Splotches of red appeared on her cheeks as she glared at him, fingers twitching on the book that had fallen with her as she considered whether to throw it at his head for scaring her like that. "Stop laughing!" she snapped, picking herself up.

Natsu was doubled over, eyes screwed shut and arms thrown across his stomach. A few studying students huffed in annoyance, but he just kept on laughing. Once Lucy had gotten to her feet, she stormed back over to him, ready to smack him, but he just caught her wrists easily, still chuckling. "The look on your face," he said in between puffs of laughter. Lucy struggled against his hold, but he never let her get too close as he calmed down. "Sorry, I just – I thought you knew I was there."

"I was listening to music!" Lucy snapped, keeping her voice hushed to avoid disrupting anyone further. "I thought you weren't a student here anymore, what are you doing here?"

"You don't have to be a student to come to a library," he reminded her, finally releasing her wrists. "I came over because I thought you might be upset about last night, and if you were, I wanted to apologize." Lucy stared at him in surprise, eyebrows furrowing together a little. He had his hands shoved into his pockets, looking as casual as could be, but there was a sort of glint in his eyes that made her wonder if there was more to it. "So, anyways, sorry."

Lucy ran her tongue across the back of her teeth. "It's fine," she said after a second, shaking her head. "I'm sorry I threw you out. That might have been an overreaction." He chuckled again, and she could her the quiet 'ya think?' but chose not to acknowledge it. Instead, she grabbed the book again and stepped back onto the stool so she could continue working. "To properly answer your question – yes, I used to play. I don't anymore, though."

He leaned against the bookshelf, neck arched up as he watched her with bright eyes. "How come?"

"It's a long story," Lucy huffed, glancing down at him. Natsu seemed unperturbed by her tone, just gazed back up at her with a slight tilt of his head. His silence was making her anxious, however, and she quickly turned away. "It's just not something I do anymore. I've moved on, I guess."

As she reached down for another book, he handed it up to her, this time a frown tugging his lips down. "You've moved on? What, from the music?" he asked. Lucy fidgeted a little under his intense look, trying to find the proper words without explaining too much to a near stranger.

"Something like that." It wasn't exactly true, but it was enough for now. "I haven't played in five years, and I don't really intend to change that."

No further questions followed, but Natsu remained by her side as she moved down the shelf. Handing her books at random for a second before she gave in and started pointing out which ones she needed to make her job go by a little quicker. He stayed quiet for the most part, but his eyes never lost that glint nor the intense look. Finally, as she neared the edge of the shelf, Lucy couldn't help herself anymore. "Not to be rude or anything, but is there any reason you're helping me do my job?"

A grin slowly spread across his face. "No, it just seemed like the nice thing to do." Lucy stared at him. "Thought if I buttered you up, you'd be more less likely to scream when I told ya' what I decided."

This time, her heart skipped in her chest. Decided? Decided what? Something to do with her? Was he about to ask her on a date?! Immediately, Lucy's head filled with dozens of polite ways to turn him down, clichés bouncing off her skull – it's not you it's me, you seem nice but we hardly know each other, I really need to focus on my studies and my assistantship, Cana and Levy will never let me live it down if I say yes – but he didn't give her the chance to voice any of her concerns. Instead, he pulled his other hand out of his pocket, placing on one his hip and rather dramatically pointing the other one directly at her, fingertip hovering close enough that she went cross eyed.

"I've decided you're going to perform with me next week at Fairy Tail!"

author's note: hello again! so sorry for the delay (again), life decided to hit me real hard the last few months. as you may have noticed, I did undergo a username change, but I promise I'm still the same person! please feel free to follow me on tumblr under the same username (I changed the blog name to match).