Hello again. Here's that fic I said I would do. This is actually going to be a bit of learning experience for me as an attempt at emotional writing. Please let me know if it's at all satisfying as that. There will be some eventual angst, some hurt. But I will make it love. A relationship like this would be difficult in so many ways, so I hope to reflect the drama and hardships that would go along with it.

Ok, here we go my friends! Any feedback is appreciated and acknowledged!

-Queen

The Dilemma of Chariot Du Nord

"Promise"

A day of lengthy and tedious teaching came to a thankful end as a chilly dusk fell upon the grounds of Luna Nova; the looming spectre of an even colder night nipping the air just behind. It was a time that called for scarves, woollen caps, and heaters. Where a piping hot cup of coffee or tea became more than just a relaxing drink, but an important liquid lifeline for those easily irritated by the frosty climate.

But most importantly, Chariot mused with a heavy weight cradled within her tense heart, it was a period where people naturally drew closer to one another. For warmth. For companionship. They reached out for these abstract things with hopeful, grasping hands, like trying to catch fire. It gets warmer the closer one gets, but in doing so that fear of smothering it entirely gnaws at that desire.

Or perhaps…it was being burnt that Chariot sincerely feared. To have that fire snap and flare into something painful, something that couldn't be held close any more, or most dreadfully, would itself refuse that closeness. Was it better to admire that flame from a distance rather than lose it? Of course, Chariot could still remember clearly why such a dilemma frightened her so.

It was because of Croix. Because on that cold, windy evening, Croix was going to call her for the first time in months. She'd been anxious, giddy even for that entire morning and afternoon leading up to their rare correspondence, becoming exponentially more sheepish and bashful; hiding her troubled eyes from curious students behind the rounded slope of her pointed hat and the dim glare of her glasses.

But Chariot couldn't stop that sting of anxious dread from riding along with the nervousness like some unwanted, hateful passenger on an otherwise pleasant journey. Chariot breathed a stifling sigh that shook and rattled at its end as she stared at the grounds outside the tower through the elaborate, rounded window of her quarters towards the gathering grey clouds cresting the hills in the far distance. There was a good chance the moon would be obscured that night. An ill omen? Or just her stunted nerves beating her down like usual? Chariot couldn't decide on anything of the sort in that moment. The only raucous musing that didn't splinter apart like glass was the one question she'd been asking herself for as long as she'd known her difficult but troubled confidant known as Croix Meridies.

'What if…?' Was that thought Chariot continued to mull over in the caverns of her uneasy mind. That simple, broken phrase repeated over and over, an echo without end that bounced and tumbled from one wall to the next, never finding purchase. Never sure where to settle. At times it would blossom into a beautiful hope before taking a nosedive into crushing disappointment. 'What if…?'

Chariot hastily shook her head, ruby-crimson hair arcing across her shoulders with the motion as it caught glints of dull amber lamplight in its strands. She had to stop doubting herself, especially then with that critical moment in her life looming ever closer. With a deep, steadying breath, Chariot pulled whatever traces of courage still intact within her, finding with no small amount of relief that her gnawing uncertainty stalled for that moment. Flashes of pleasant memories of her younger years danced about; Croix's restrained, calculated smile. That confidant posture, that sharp, silver tongue. The one recollection that always took precedence was that precious moment the two had shared under the shade of an oak tree during their last week as students of Luna Nova. Chariot, ever-reckless and impatient, had pulled an all-nighter to cram and graciously scrape past an important conjuration exam. Without even realising it, she'd fallen asleep on Croix's shoulder as the two had sat side-by-side, their backs propped on the trunk of the tree. After four hours of the restful, blissful rest, Chariot had awoken to find Croix hadn't moved at all from that position, greeting her return to the waking world with a gentle smile the crimson-haired Witch would never forget.

At the time, Chariot had been unsure what her feelings towards her dear friend meant. She'd thought her and Croix were already as close as they could get, but after that cherished moment…she ultimately begun to understand.

Chariot was in love with Croix. She probably always had been. And finally, the time had come in her present to voice those feelings she'd kept locked away in a heart caged by uncertainty and fear for so long.

Right on cue, the vintage crystal ball by her desk suddenly blared to life; ringing out a klaxon-like beep that always seemed to spook Chariot on quieter days. Reminding herself to find out how to lower the volume on the troublesome tool, Chariot measured the rest of her focus in clumsily springing down the short flight of stairs three steps at a time. The communique reached its loudest peak as she skidded to a halt in front of the crystal ball and swiped her hand over its surface to allow the fated call to come through.

"Y-Yes! Hello! This is Ursachariot- wait-I-I meant to say…uhmm…" Chariot blabbered out the ruinous greeting before the nerve to even see who was on the display settled in. She focused her gaze on the screen, nervously correcting a skew in her glasses that made it seem as if three blurred Croix's had called in. Thankfully as her vision cleared, her most trusted friend came into proper view with an unabashed, unhurried grin. The woman's lilac-hair sat trimmed and short, peeking out from beneath an auburn hood curled around a robe; its curt tresses falling slightly over the dazzling emerald of those calculating, yet warm eyes that regarded Chariot patiently and without judgement.

"You're as articulate as always, Chariot." Croix greeted with a cheery length added to her smile, adding in a soft chuckle with a quick shake of her head. "I know you never got the hang of talking to people like this, but I thought this would be the day I'd get a normal greeting for once. Well, there's always next time. And if everything goes well with my quest here, then perhaps we will be able to see each other in person the next time we speak." Croix closed her eyes and took in a deep breath, one that Chariot noted seemed somewhat forced. The other woman must have been nervous as well, but had always been much more adept at hiding the obvious tells. It was a calming thought, to know that she could still see those subtle changes in demeanour where it seemed no one else could. "But enough about all that for now, Chariot. It's good to see you again. Tell me, how have you been? How are you, really?"

"I've been…" Chariot paused, noting the shakiness in her tone. Keeping her gaze on Croix's patient smile and kind eyes, the crimson-haired Witch felt a semblance of calm that steadied her words. It was just like it had been in the past; Croix's cool, taciturn nature rubbing off on her. Whenever Chariot would doubt and or hesitate, Croix could remind her to relax and take things one step at a time with a single, placid glance. "To tell you the truth, Croix, I've been a little stressed lately. But not more than normal I think. Being young can be suffering here, especially when Finnelan wants something done faster than it needs to. I swear every time I see that woman she looks closer and closer to a bird. "

Croix actually laughed a little at that, a rare sound that easily cracked a smile on Chariots lips that burst out into an earnest giggle of her own.

"What's this then? The pure and righteous Chariot Du Nord talking trash about someone? Hahaha…! The night of a silver moon has arrived! What's the world coming to?"

Croix's laughter rang out far louder than Chariot would've expected, suddenly making her paranoid that Finnelan herself was lurking about bursting to give an earful to the easily-startled Witch. "Croix! You've got to be a little quieter!" She hissed, urging her voice to come off admonishing but the still-present grin on her lips did nothing to hold back the amused cheer in her words. "Knowing my rotten luck she's probably right outside the window listening to us!"

Croix arced her brow, puzzled. "Why would she wait outside the window…wait…"

Chariot had meant to say door, but an abrupt image in her thoughts of Finnelan transformed into some vulture-like creature with her distinct nose as its beak had caused the verbal slip. All at once she understood why Croix was already smirking widely before another hearty laugh echoed throughout the otherwise silent quarters.

"Right! Of course she'd be at the window! Like a bird! Hahaha!" Croix managed to blurt out in between bouts of snorting laughter.

The joke had been an accident, but when the pieces of it fell into place Chariot promptly forgot her sheepish nature and joined in at laughing herself silly at a crabby Professors' expense. It felt bad for only a second before a mighty flame of euphoric joy lit up inside Chariots heart in that happy moment in time.

I can't believe how great this feels. Just to laugh again. To laugh with Croix. I've missed this so much…

The cheerful reprieve simmered soon after with both women composing themselves after the raucous noise. Croix let out one last accidental snort, earning one last stifled giggle from Chariot before they both settled down to actually catch a breath.

"Sometimes I forget, Chariot. You're the only one who can make me laugh like that. I don't think you ever mean to, but that's what makes it funny to me. Ahhh, what a nice rush. Feels like I'm seventeen again. Oh, that reminds me. Did you get that thing for tonight?"

Chariot scanned her memory on what that thing could be. Hastily she remembered she'd purchased and left that item on the left side of the crystal ball months ago; a subtle-blue bottle of Brettonian Azure, a wine said to taste sweeter and maltier during the changing of seasons, at least according to the label. She didn't have a clue if such a claim was true. Chariot knew little to nothing about alcoholic drinks. She could scarcely recall when her last drink had even taken place. Graduation? The fact that she could not remember that night at all was probably not a good sign.

"Y-yes. Here it is, Croix." She plucked the bottle from the end of the table and held it so the other Witch could see, to which the lilac-haired woman nodded in approval and produced her own bottle of the same brand from some off-screen surface on the other end. A lingering flush of nervousness prompted Chariot to voice a niggling concern. "I'm not too sure about trying something like this. Maybe it'll be too strong? And perhaps we should save these for an important celebration?"

Chariot knew as soon as she stopped talking that she'd made a bit of a mistake. She noted a barely-perceptible slump in Croix's shoulders, followed by a curt sigh that thinned the woman's smile.

"A celebration? How about talking to your best friend for the first time in months?"

Croix sounded disappointed rather than cold, but all the same, Chariot threw herself into the first opportunity to salvage that moment.

"I'm sorry, Croix! I didn't mean it like that! It's just…I haven't had a drink in so long. There aren't any classes to teach tomorrow, so I don't know why I just…I just…"

"Hey. It's Ok. Don't worry about it." Croix interjected with a cool laugh and a quick shake of her head. "If anything it was wrong of me to pressure you…"

The air grew tense as both of their sentences petered out to awkward silence. Chariot felt it was mostly her fault that the cheery atmosphere had been dulled due to her being a wet-blanket. In her youth, Chariot would launch head-first- sometimes quite literally- into everything new and unknown, everything even remotely exciting. How Chariot wished she could be that reckless again.

But perhaps…she was done wishing things. Finished with settling for the status quo. When had that ever made her happy? What had that kind of attitude done to make her feel less alone? She did have friends, family, people who looked to her with respect and sought her counsel.

But she was still alone. In the way that perhaps mattered most of all. And in order to dull that fear and hopefully stoke the fire of reckless courage, Chariot Du Nord suddenly closed her teeth over the cork of the bottle before abruptly yanking it out with a mighty tug and a satisfying pop.

That distinct sound and the impulsive motions that caused it left Croix Meridies speechless, staring wide-eyed and slightly slack-jawed. But right after, her expression blazed into one of relieved delight as the woman once again shook her head with an added chuckle of amused disbelief. In the meantime Chariot had whisked a hefty wine glass into her hand and was already pouring a generous amount of the deep ocean blue drink into it; the liquid swishing and bubbling about in the glass in a pleasing way. The rich smell of alcohol wafted about strongly, dizzying Chariot with how pungent it was. The stuff was powerful.

"My goodness, Chariot! Just what's gotten into you? I like it. I like it. I really do. It's just how you used to be. But let's take it slow. This is a stiff drink, even for me. And we got a lot to talk about."

Chariot brought the glass to her lips for a hearty swig, wincing as the liquid scorched her throat and danced those tiny blurred stars in the corners of her glassing vision. She couldn't help but recoil from the drink to arms length as if her tongue had been actually burned.

"Wow…! Ahh…" Chariot stifled a slight cough that somewhat helped cool the sting in her throat. She could already feel that euphoric tingling starting at the tips of her fingers moving inward. "I'll most definitely take it as slow as I can. Perhaps this glass alone will do for tonight."

"No problem with that, Chariot." Croix replied with another patient smile as she raised her own glass with regal precision and drank a calculated fill, taking the hit of alcohol with a curt and graceful sigh. "Now, tell me what's been happening in your life since we talked last. I want to know everything. Leave nothing out if you can help it. You can do that for an old friend, right?"

The heady buzz of alcohol helped a delighted chuckle emerge from Chariot, one that Croix returned sincerely as the crimson-haired Witch opened up to her. The words flowed from them easy and unfiltered, punctuated with bouts of laughter and moments of precious reverie alike. Chariot simply lost track of time from that point onward as she spilled whatever trifling thought that emerged from her fiery will bolstered by strong drink. All the while, not matter what it was Chariot chose to banter about, Croix would perk up with a measured, but still enthusiastic cheer and interest with her replies.

It wasn't until Chariot took note that she was on her third glass of Brettonian Azure that the Witch realised she'd been the one initiating every topic of conversation. Normally it was the complete opposite situation when she talked to people, but Croix was a great and focused listener. That and the amount Chariot had already drank probably had something to do with loosening her voice.

"Croix, I'm sorry. I've been babbling for too long…"

"It's not even an issue. I love your babbling. You know it's not like me to pretend to be interested." She replied cooly, the woman now seated in a simple wicker chair at a tiny desk within the interior of a small and humble tent. The walls of it rippled from outside winds, but the lone candle flickering at Croix's desk stubbornly held its flame.

"Yes that's true. But still, I want to know what's happening with you too, Croix. You can tell me anything."

Croix mulled her reply for a fair bit longer than Chariot had expected, for a second making her doubt whether the other woman wanted to speak of herself at all as she turned the wine glass in her hands in slow, ponderous circles.

"There's really only one thing on my agenda at the moment. It's that promise I made to you, remember?"

A slight pang of shame hit Chariot at that. She'd been having so much fun chatting to her friend that she'd momentarily forgotten just why it was that Croix was calling her from some forsaken land after months out of contact. The Wagandea Curse…

She'd be lying if she said that being unable to take to the skies any longer wasn't crippling to her routine, exhaustingly so. And it had been Croix's earlier schemes that played a big part in that situation playing out as ugly as it had.

But even so, Chariot simply wanted to blurt out that Croix should just break that promise. To return to Luna Nova and forget about penitence. That her being away was becoming far more unbearable than Chariot never being able to use magic at all.

Croix, ever sharp, must have seen that plea about to escape Chariot's lips and spoke up before she could.

"I know you want me to come back. To forget about the cure. It'd be a selfish thing for both of us…but I won't deny I haven't considered what I would say if you had managed to ask…"

Croix took a deep breath and settled her unfinished glass aside, closing her eyes as she continued speaking with Chariot hanging taut on the woman's every word.

"...but I can't walk away from this now. Especially now."

Her tone suddenly raised to a determined pitch as Croix reopened her eyes and stared unblinking into Chariots own.

"Listen to me, I've had a breakthrough. Part of the reason I was so adamant to talk to you like this is because that very breakthrough may also be incredibly dangerous. I've met with a man in this desert calling himself a Chaos Sorcerer. In the morning he's going to help me find an archive of knowledge in another realm that will have everything I will need to help you and more. It's not going to be safe, Chariot. You know I will never lie to you again. That's why I wanted this night to mean something. Even if we were apart, I just wanted to see you again so there'd be no regrets. Just in case I-"

"Don't say that, Croix." Chariot whispered out without even thinking. "Please don't say that. I respect your decision. I would've…I would've said yes right away if you wanted to come back. But I understand. Whatever it is that needs to be done on your end, I just want you to be as careful as you can doing it."

"Right." Croix nodded, looking away a fraction, a slight crease in her features from an apparent effort to fight back tears.

"One more thing, Chariot." She went on, wincing a little after the internal struggle to keep her composure to fix her stern gaze on the woman again. "I've got no regrets coming here. I can't afford to have any. So if there's anything you want to tell me, any kind of regret in your heart about all that's happened between us…I need to know while I can."

The alcohol in Chariot's body froze just as time itself seemed to along with it. All her senses screamed at Chariot that that was the time. If her voice failed, if she took the safe "easy" route as she had so many times before and didn't tell her how she truly felt, then it would form to be a regret so massive that letting it become a reality was utterly unbearable. If like Croix said and the unthinkable did happen…

No. It would not come to pass. And Chariot wasn't going to back down from saying what she'd been struggling to even form as a sentence for so many years…

"Croix." At first she could only say her name. Her body was trembling terribly as fresh tears pooled in her eyes, catching beads on the lens of her glasses carelessly. "Croix…!"

With a strained breath choked with tears Chariot finally managed to blurt out:

"Croix, I'm in love with you! I have been for so long…I don't feel about anyone how I feel about you. You're more than a friend to me, Croix! You're everything! I want to be closer to you…if you'd allow me…"

Chariot was unable to see Croix's reaction through the glassy mess of tears, and as the seconds agonisingly ticked away in silence Chariot roughly dabbed the watery mess from her face clumsily using her sleeve. Why wasn't Croix saying anything? What had Chariot expected her reply to be? I've always loved you too, Chariot. Why else did I stay by your side so long?

"Chariot, I'm sorry."

A hammer smashed its way into Chariots chest, seizing her body tight in a pain she had never experienced before. Her sleeve sodden with tears fell away from face as her arm flopped limply to her side. With robotic, unnatural movements Chariot levelled her gaze and took in Croix's expression.

The woman's lips were curled tight, her eyes narrowed grimly in an intangible, but obvious pain. That expression, to Chariot's mounting, dreading horror, was saying everything she feared. Her worst nightmare. It had just become her impossible reality.

"I'm sorry…" Croix repeated in a weak croaking voice. "I…I…don't know what…else to say. I can't bring myself to lie, Chariot…"

A stifling numbness seemed to draw from Chariots face to the rest of her body, muting her entire existence to a lump of clay playing at being human. She could only stare back at Croix with a look she could not figure nor see herself, but whatever expression she was wearing made Croix tense and recoil from looking directly into her eyes for longer than a second.

"Chariot, please…don't look at me like that. I didn't want to hurt you. But… this is an absolute shock to me. It really is. I never thought-I never even considered that you-"

"Please stop." Chariot managed to say in a shaking whisper, another fresh bite of agony into her soul at the wounded look Croix sent her way at her words. "You're saying…that you don't like girls...that you don't like me…in that way…?"

Croix broke eye contact to cover her face in her hands, resting her elbows on the desk. She suddenly looked exhausted. Defeated. When she at last spoke again, she did so without showing her face from that position.

"...No."

No.

On some odd carnal reflex Chariot found she was already taking another large sip of her wine, finding the glass still in her hand as if by luck alone. No relief came from the bitter taste of the liquid sliding down her numb throat. But it was still a feeling. It was something. It was nothing.

She heard something else from the crystal ball projecting Croix, another muted voice from an angle she could not see. A deep baritone, inhuman even. Whatever the voice belonged to it drew Croix's rattled attention aside for a moment. Croix responded quietly to the voice, uttering a single fatigued "Yes" before moving her pained eyes back to Chariot.

"Chariot. My time's up here. I love you. Nothing will ever change that. When I return, the first thing I want to see is your smile. Can you do that for me, Chariot? Can you make that promise for me?"

Something cracked and shattered, falling into a pit as dust. Chariot forced a broken smile to grace her tear-stricken face. It was the same shallow motion she'd done hundreds of times as Shiny Chariot on the worlds stage; to shine bright despite her pain. To laugh and cheer despite her loneliness.

"I promise." She breathed out, barely holding that smile.

Croix opened her mouth to say something else but she pursed her lips closed. The woman frowned a little, hesitating before returning one more frank grin.

"Right. Let's…both get through this, Ok?"

Chariot couldn't say anything more. She thought she nodded slightly but couldn't tell if she had moved at all. Regardless, Croix's lingering smile was the last thing she saw as her crystal ball powered down and its surface resumed to reflect the amber shine from lamplights dotted around her quarters.

She thought she would break down the moment the call was over, but Chariot couldn't even move from her seat in front of the crystal. Her own reflection stared back at her, looking oddly calm. Another heavy drink from her glass, emptying it.

Shattered, Chariot Du Nord repeated that process. All the while never breaking eye contact with the person she hated the most.

=][=

AN: Any good? I feel like there might be a hundred mistakes my clueless gaze refuses to see. Ah well, spell-check don't fail me now. I hope you enjoyed guys. I know this might be a downer but I set this up to have the next chapter from Akko's perspective, and her attempts to heal her beloved mentor, and the difficult relationship that arises from something deep they find they share. It might get a bit 'risky' later on, but hey, this is fanfiction!

Please tune in next time! I got some juicy drama cookin' in this here cauldron.