Hey guys.

I've written and rewritten this author's note at least a thousand times. I don't know how else to convey my thank you aside from thank you.

I've also written and rewritten me trying to convey how much I wish I was doing much better than I currently am, and that however I am not.

But I felt the push and need to complete this (not that any of you have been pushy!), like, as much as this fic is about healing and recovering, it's also I think at its base, a bit of a vent fic. And tbh, writing some of this has helped me share and delve into things to a certain extent. And other days I know I'm not even in the right headspace to go about looking at it.

Your reviews have meant so much to me and I've felt so bad because I've also left all my other fics to well...rot. And those not privy to this fic probably have no idea.

I wanted to revise the whole thing and start anew as thanks but aside from that just being too much. (and no matter much i'm still considering that option tbh) I thought it best to just keep on. I have a bad habit of wanting to scrap things and redo them but we made it this far, I might as well continue. I kind of want to keep my hiatus note, just so I'm open and honest with my readers, if that makes sense? I hope that doesn't sound/seem weird tho ;v; just,idk to give insight of where i've been at on the journey while writing this?

This last chapter I had originally started around june before my hiatus, and a few months after wrote some revised notes of the story, until finally the last bit of oompf across the finish line hit me, and the next scene, imma be honest, might be a little ooc. But it comes from both my experience of anxiety/trauma and bottling things up until they literally burst and i'm screaming, and the fact midoriya seems the type that while yes he can be described as wearing his heart on his sleeve, he never actually says what he's thinking/how he's feeling and how things have affected him, and just, yeah.

Sorry! Y'all were probably so pumped, and you had to read this (or maybe you skipped it idk) before getting to the story,, ahhh, just, thank you guys for being understanding, and I hope this fic and it's upcoming chapters gives closure to anyone who needs it.

Special thanks to all my reviewers who took time out of their day to leave a review! I'm sorry if I don't get too them all ;v; i get anxious about how to reply, then anxious about waiting too long to reply,...and then i don't reply at all! q7q/ aaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhh

So, yeah. Welcome back and thank you for reading!

And, just because I can, here are some really great fics on the handling of their bakugo and midoriya's relationship. (that you've all already prbly seen/read and i'm just once again late to the party to give recs) These are all ones on ao3!

Arsonist's Lullaby (Redemption Doesn't Come Easy) by Half_SubmergedinPurgatory

Divergence by fireflysummers_ao3

Conversations with a Cryptid by AMournfulHowlInTheNight (this is a series and also, oneforall!hisashi, not 100% about dealing with their bad blood but a very good take at it and worldbuilding that i would 10000000% recommend)

old light still slants through by lunarctus (nex_et_nox) (quirk!izuku...kind of...but really realistic take on the effects of the slime villain and handle of things with newfound power)

Brink of Death by wraven (nataeiy1) (technically has nothing much to do with bakugo and midoriya's relationship but fantastic worldbuilding on discrimination/issues about quirks and some good ole dadmight content)

And that's about everything! Thank you for your patience and enjoy!

It was funny, despite the emotional fallout of impulsive actions, anxiety over said impulsive actions then spilling your heart out to a friend, Midoriya felt remarkably better. Of course, above all, he also felt incredibly drained.

It was only mid-afternoon now, and after his shower, Izuku was tempted to doze away, but his thoughts were drifting back to his late-night conversation with Kirishima

'it hurts.' he thought to himself.

Midoriya didn't like to examine the why's to why he was feeling a certain way. Mostly he focused on dealing with the feeling and trying to get it to go away.

But the whole situation just kinda,...hurt.

It was an odd funny feeling.

Seeing someone who has hurt you, looked down upon you with derision and made your life hell, sit and laugh with people, make friends easily. Be accepted so freely and have their rough personality accepted as merely a quirky nature.

It struck a funny feeling in his gut especially when he watched Bakugo interact with Kirishima. It makes Izuku wonder, even knowing he shouldn't even bother entertaining the thought, what is it about Kirishima that's so different from him that they're treated so vastly different.

He knows, there's nothing he can do to change Bakugo's mindset, there's nothing he can do, to change another's attitude towards another person. People come up with their own conclusions and theories, emotions and judgments and you have no control over what verdict they give in how they treat you.

But it still hurts.

Sometimes he wonders if his classmates would they still treat Bakugo with the same awe and guffaw that they do now if they knew, knew their twisted and gnarled past. Would it make any difference?

Bakugo looked happy now. Not to discredit that his experience with well, kidnapping that likely led to a lasting and terrible experience and impression on his psyche, but he was growing even before then. And Midoriya...

...Midoriya doesn't want to ruin that... doesn't want to ruin that progress...

But god does he wonder about what-ifs... and boy does it hurt.

Why was it so easy for Bakugo to move on, but Izuku himself couldn't? Was he holding a petty grudge? Was this karma from a past life? He didn't understand,

Izuku just wished he could forget it all.

When he closes his eyes, he's brought back to his middle school self. The deku before the deku who could. and by god, it fucking hurts.

~.~

It felt like he was now it a haze.

To be honest he was likely dissociating just a smidge. His actions felt unlike his own.

He wasn't sure how long he sort of just lounged until his reality snapped back together.

Tomorrow was d-day.

While he had been assured by friends Aizawa wasn't upset with him, or at least no more upset than he usually was just existing, he still had trepidation going forward. Only a madman would think to know Aizawa-sensei completely, and despite reckless impulsiveness, Izuku was no such man.

One thing kept him sane besides their reassurances; had he really been in trouble Aizawa would have likely gone to gather him immediately right after class, that or he would've gotten in trouble the minute he stepped outside.

While not disclosing everything between himself and Aizawa, he knew that Aizawa had enough of an idea of him personally that he wouldn't just skip classes just for the fun of it.

So yeah, d-day awaited. Aizawa would likely like the full story, no abbreviations or shortcut summarizations like that of which he gave Kirishima. And he both revealed at the idea of a third party who would be bipartisan enough to not let feelings cloud judgment while also abhorring the very thought of talking to an authority figure. The inevitable dredging of everything back into the open, Midoriya was afraid that once he started he wouldn't know how to stop.

Like a bubbling rush, one pebble and soon a tidal wave follows.

He took a deep breath and clenched his hands.

No.

Things were different this time. He wouldn't face the dismissive annoyed teachers like that of middle school and earlier, the pitying glances of neighbors or the scorn from those old enough to know better.

This was Aizawa-sensei who had seen him at his very worst and best.

And if Midoriya fell he would not fall alone, he'd have steady hands to guide him back up, and dust him off.

With that in mind, and feeling a little more normalcy seep back into his routine, he worked on his revising his notes and getting an early start to homework for the next few weeks.

Midoriya got quite a head start before getting a text reminding him about food and only then did he stop.

Izuku rubbed at his eyes, stretching until a satisfying pop echoed in his room.

Todoroki was already at the table waiting for him while Uraraka sat a spot away, clearly intended for Izuku; chatting Todorki's ear off as he hummed noncommittally. He smiled at them as he went about prepping his own food.

Dinner was a normal affair which he appreciated.

The three of them talking as their classmates came in and out for their own meal prep or snack.

Some like Mina getting caught by Iida and lectured on the importance of actual meals and not snacks. Midoriya and Uraraka fought to keep their laughter to themselves at the familiar spiel as Mina ran off while stuffing her mouth and Iida chased after, now lecturing on the importance of both not running, and certainly not running while you still had food in your mouth.

And then because of course, things couldn't just go smooth sailing, they turned sour once Bakugo showed up.

Because of course, they did. Of course...

The minute he spotted Izuku, his regularly cross expression turned downright murderous.

And for all the anxiety and constant fear.

Midoriya...

...Felt nothing...

Todoroki went stiff beside him and Ochako was now busy dealing with her own murderous expression, her cheeks puffing out in irritation.

For his part, Izuku paid Bakugo no mind, attempting to focus on the remnants of the meal before him.

Bakugo didn't like that.

Because of course, he didn't.

Storming over to him, slamming his hands down on the wooden dining table with enough force to shake the glasses and stir up the cutlery.

Izuku had faced down the hands of death and said Not Today.

He had fought and bled and cried and tried so hard.

For once he did not flinch as the fiery demon representing all his fears, his anxieties, his pain rained down upon him.

"Deku, what the fuck was that about?"

Uraraka bristled, shoulders squaring up beside him and he could feel the frost radiating from Todoroki on his other side. And a small part in the back of his brain took comfort in that whatever happened his friends stood in a stride with him.

Towards Bakugo however, he showed nothing even as he stared up at him.

He could see the anger rolling off in waves, as if just waiting for the incentive to implode.

...But there was something else, something he couldn't discern nor care to.

"I thought I was rather clear earlier when I left the class."

His words were short but with that response alone, time seemed to freeze, everyone had expected some kind of confrontation. But not Midoriya's reaction to said confrontation.

Kirishima came into the room not long after, having heard the brief yelling and knowing who it belonged to and hoping to at least delay what was inevitably set to happen.

But it was too late, the pieces were set.

And this confrontation was the only course of action left...

He only hoped they survived it all to put the pieces back together...

again, as my long author's note mentions, thank you so much for your patience and understanding. I hope this chapter finds you well and please review! Next chapter should be up shortly in the next few weeks or days. Also big warning in advance, the next chapter gets quite heavy and emotional. After that update, updates may stagnate just a little bit, I have been writing in bits and pieces since my hiatus but never too much since this story is quite heavy;; but I am determined to see this out. I hope with everything going on in the world today, you take care of yourself, wash your hands, give yourself a break from the news, and just, watch out for you, alright? Take care!