Author's Notes: So I ended up doing the one thing I'd always said I'd never do, and that's the AU retelling of a story. The pitfall of the AU is the balance between the familiar and the new, and too often everything is a slightly changed scene-for-scene retread of all the stations of the canon. Or you end up with the opposite problem, which is that you end up with in-name-only versions of characters at some point.

We're going to try to navigate between this Scylla & Charabdis, and I figured I'd briefly explain my methodology. Ranma ½ is very clearly a product of its time. And that's not a bad thing; the late 80s backdrop is fabulous. But if you try to take the basic premise and put it in the modern day, everything breaks.

How many old movies have you watched and came to the realization that if the characters had cell phones, it'd be wrapped up in 20 minutes? I've decided to steer into this skid, and make the story fit with our modern social media infused world rather than ignoring the plotholes it'd create.

I'm also going to play with characters while still keeping them recognizable, keeping the core attributes while giving them new things. Take Nabiki, for example. Her whole shtick doesn't work in a world of cell phones and digital cameras. So she's going to get a slightly different shtick that fits with her mercenary attitude.

Also, we're doing a silly framing device to set the tone for the story. I'm taking the simulation hypothesis to its absurd conclusion because why not.

I: New Game+

It was A-O's first day on the job, and they already hated it. The boss strutted around the network like they owned the place, barking commands like they were the admin account. After a few cycles spent curating the substrates, the boss finally got around to A-O.

"Listen kid, I know you're new here, but I've got 2.7 x 10^48 simulated realities to manage here, and I ain't got time to babysit you," he said, "Here, I'll tell you hwat, why don't you see about getting some of those old sims rebooted. No pressure, just an entire universe in your servos."

The boss ushered over to a spline of decrepit mainframes, each coated with more stardust than the last. "Pick one, see what you can do with it."

A-O brushed the figurative and literal dust off one mainframe, searching for the nametag. The formatting was nonstandard and long deprecated, but they soon were able to parse it. "Earth 2017" they said aloud.

The boss frowned. "Nah, that one's shit actually. Try a different one."

A-O tutted and moved on. The tags weren't any more ISO compliant. "What about this one? Says it's called Ranma ½."

"Good enough as any. Give 'er the old college try," the boss said, already skittering off. These Class-C stellar engines didn't run themselves.

A-O clicked and fiddled away a few cycles. Clearly it wasn't as good as any, because it was better than the previous. They wondered how they'd gotten assigned to this podunk little Jovian brain, and powered up the ancient hardware.

After replacing a few components and updating the BIOS, A-O was at least able to get the universe to boot its Cthonthic state. A few more updates, and even the basic universe operating system was up. But then a snag hit. Getting the OS working with the new multiversal network software had broken literally everything else. All the setting libraries had been deprecated and were not compatible.

"Just as good as any other. Gimme a break, who does he think he is?" they cursed under their breath. "The comments are gibberish anyway, but it sounds like things are going to change with the new libraries, and who knows what its going to look like after it compiles. I won't be able to restore the Chapter 407 save state, and let the simulation finish."

That's when they felt the rush. A whole universe, billions of lives hanging in the balance, all at their command. They could do anything. Consign the whole simulation and everyone in it to oblivion. Recompile as is, and let them wander through the wasteland of undocumented features and missing dependencies.

After a few cycles, A-O shook their head, and decided that while going mad with power was more fun than going mad without power, it was time to put away such childish things. Maybe the current simulation state could be completed one day, when they had the tools, and the final cryptic comment tag of "time to work on Inuyasha, will finish later maybe," would come true. They archived it just in case, and then reset the simulation.

It compiled quickly enough, with only a few errors. But the new libraries were causing some unexpected changes in the simulation state…

Tendo Soun sat on his porch, taking in the sunrise. The wisps of cigarette smoke snaked through the tranquil air. He took another drag, stifling the urge to cough. He chased it with a sip of the delicious green tea Kasumi had made for him.

Kasumi approached almost silently. "Father, there's a man on the phone, says he's an old friend of yours."

Something stirred in Soun, a premonition of chaos to come. He dismissed it as early morning jitters from age starting to catch up to him. His smiling daughter handed the cordless phone to him.

Kasumi had already snuck away to the kitchen by the time he put the phone to his. The voice was older and more weathered than he remembered. But he'd never forget it. "Tendo my old friend, did you get my postcard."

Soun chuckled. "Saotome! it's been a long time since I heard from you. Yes, I got your postcard. Little bit old-fashioned don't you think?"

"Well, I know how you always preferred the old ways. Anyway, about our old pact…"

Soun extinguished his cigarette, leaving the butt smoldering in the ash tray. "The time has come then?"

"Yes, I'm bringing the boy. But there have been…complications…explaining over the phone won't do it justice."

"Well, my house is your house my old friend. Anything I can do in the mean time?"

"Yeah. Best keep the arrangement a secret. My boy Ranma can be resentful and headstrong, and he doesn't know what's good for him. I figure I'd let him warm up to you and your daughters before pushing it on him."

"Sounds a lot like my youngest. When can I be expecting you?"

"It might be a few days. I'm currently in Nanjing. I had to 'borrow' someone's phone to reach you."

"China?"

"Yeah, those would be the complications." There was a commotion in the background. An older man was shouting something in Chinese. The phone rustled around. "I'm going to have to cut this short, Tendo, looks like he wants his cell phone ba—"

The line went dead. Soun stared wistfully at the phone. Genma certainly hadn't changed much. Still the same scoundrel from the wrong side of the tracks. But soon it wouldn't matter, and the Schools would be united. Part of him wanted to sing it from the mountain tops. But he'd have to be coy, clever even, for now. If there was one thing the Master taught him, it was patience.

Gotta play this cool, Tendo. Low-key. Subtle. As nervous as a little kid on Christmas, Soun jumped to his feet, ignoring the creak in his old bones. He rushed to the kitchen, startling Kasumi as she labored over the hot stove.

"I have the most wondrous news Kasumi!" he cried, "My old friend Saotome is coming to visit, the schools are as good as united!"

"Oh father, so silly." Kasumi fidgeted with the dish towel.

Nabiki strolled in, casually sucking on a lollipop. "What's this I hear about uniting schools."

"Err…oh it's just an old joke between my friend Genma and I. Since we were like brothers, we always joked that if we ever had kids, they'd get married and make us real brothers."

Nabiki cocked an eyebrow. "A joke, huh. Better not joke like that with Sis, she's not a big fan of boys."

"She's just going through a phase, Nabiki-dear," said Kasumi, "Even I did the girls-love thing when I was her age. She'll grow out of it soon enough."

"Care to make a wager on that?"

A week later

The relentless spring rain hammered down. Saotome Ranma huddled under the awning of the bus stop, soaked and shivering. She tried to wring the water out of her plaited queue, and soon gave up.

Genma twirled his umbrella beside her. "Come on, it's only a few more blocks to my old friend's estate."

"Estate? Getting a little hoity-toity on me Pop? And quit hogging that umbrella." Ranma tried to snatch it out of the Old Man's hands. But he was quite fast for a rotund middle-aged man, and batted away her grabs. She struck several more times, interspersing punches with kicks to throw the old man off balance. But he deflected those too, always keeping the bright pink umbrella tantalizingly out of reach. "Fine, you prolly nicked it from a middle-schooler anyway. Let's get this over with."

"That's the spirit boy." Genma marched ahead, his white gi still bone-dry under the umbrella.

"I still don't understand why we can't take turns."

"We'd both be soaked, and my old friend wouldn't recognize me."

"It's your fault we have these stupid curses in the first place!"

"Ranma, the path of the warrior is fraught with peril."

"Then how come I'm the only one getting rained on?"

Genma led her through one of Tokyo's upscale neighborhoods. The houses looked quite nice, all prim with green grass yards and blooming gardens. It might as well have been another world for Ranma, who'd known only dilapidated slum apartments and run-down country shacks, interspersed with long treks on the stony roads between them.

She'd hated the whole idea of coming here. Meeting new people was such a drag, and it certainly didn't help find a cure for the curse. But right now, the thought of a warm bed under a roof that didn't leak sounded like heaven. She supposed by now she was actually looking forward to meeting this Tendo-san.

They arrived just as the rains were lulling. A stone wall wreathed around a comfy looking traditional style house. At the gate, the sign proclaimed "The Tendo Dojo of the School of Anything-Goes Martial Arts."

Ranma's eyebrows furrowed. "Pops, don't lie to me. No way anyone living this plush would know riff-raff like us." You…she'd meant to say 'you'. Not going to dwell on that, she ordered herself.

Genma huffed, and walked up to the front door.

Ranma rolled her eyes. "Fine, but this is going to end up being the nicest neighborhood we've been run out of."

Genma thumped on the door three times. A middle-aged man, with jet-black hair and a bushy mustache answered. He looked at her and Pops reservedly. But the stony expression soon melted, and he pulled Genma into a bear hug. "Oh Saotome my old friend, it's good to see you!"

"You too Tendo."

Ranma shrunk into the corner, wondering how to explain her current predicament. She'd caught Soun's eyes. He stared at her, puzzling. "Umm, my memory isn't what it used to me, but you did mention having a son."

"That would be the complications I spoke of. Run-along Ranma, go introduce yourself to Tendo's lovely daughters." Genma swatted her on the back, and she stumbled forward into the house.

A dark-haired girl was just rounding the corner as Ranma bumbled down the corridor. Try as she might, sliding on the lacquered hardwood meant Ranma couldn't avoid her rendezvous with destiny. They landed in a heap, the wind knocked right out of them both.

When the stars receded from sight, and the room stopped spinning, the redhead came to the slow realization that she was splayed out on top of another girl, her face planted in the valley of the dark-haired girl's bust. It had not been a soft-landing; the girl felt like she'd been carved in marble.

Ranma pulled herself up, finally getting a good look at the other girl, just now beginning to stir. She had long black hair that seemed to shimmer navy blue in the light, tied into tresses on either side of her heart-shaped face. Something in her dark-brown eyes seemed almost familiar.

A hand, firm but gentle, slid up Ranma's side. The girl beneath her coughed, but made no hostile moves, and for a moment Ranma forgot he was a boy hovering over a beautiful young woman. Her eyes slowly traced down the girl's chest, over to the well-defined muscles of her arm. The yellow gi suited her quite well. A little flicker of excitement thumped in Ranma's heart. Maybe she'd have the same passion for the Art.

Ranma wanted to say a whole lot of things: apologies, introductions, etc. But all that came out was "Pretty."

The girl smirked. Her hand slid up to Ranma's cheek.

"Err, I mean…you're pretty muscular." Nice save, you dork.

The girl shrugged, but the cute little smirk stayed. "Dad said an old friend was coming. You must be his daughter."

"Yeah, about that…"

"Name's Akane, by-the-way. Not that I mind, but you can get off me anytime now."

"Ah, right." Ranma popped back onto her feet. Akane curled up like a spring, and snapped back to her feet.

Akane sized her up. "You must do kenpo too."

"A little."

"It's so hard to find practitioners my age, especially other girls. Too many boys with something to prove."

"Erm.."

"Oh where are my manners. Why don't I give you a tour, since you'll be staying for a while."

Something warm and fuzzy stirred in Ranma. The way Akane smiled made her feel like she belonged finally.

Akane led her through the Tendo house. Compared to what she was used to, it was a palace, blending traditional Japanese aesthetics with all the modern conveniences. She was introduced to the eldest sister, Kasumi, busily working away in the kitchen. Ranma found Kasumi to be polite, but reserved to the point where she seemed to just disappear into the wallpaper.

The middle sister, Nabiki, on the other hand, was chummy and a bit forward. Something about the tall brunette came off as almost disingenuous, but for right now Nabiki seemed to be acting pleasant towards her. But company, like fish, stinks after three days, and Ranma wondered if Nabiki's carefully hidden claws would come out after that.

Akane showed her the whole house, before sitting at the kotatsu in the family room. Some part of the boy-turned-girl felt like an invader. She tried to find the words to explain the situation, but failed. Akane just shushed away her stammering, and patted the fluffy pillow next to her. Ranma obeyed readily.

"So, don't take this the wrong way," Akane said, biting at her thumb, "but you're pretty boyish."

Does she know?

"And I think that's just great," Akane continued, "I mean, I've struggled with trying to fit in. It took forever for my teachers to get me to talk like a girl, and even now it feels so unnatural. I know we've just met, but it's nice to have a kindred spirit." Akane had switched to using masculine speech patterns half-way through. The redhead could tell it was more natural for her. Somehow it just made her cuter.

"So, was that a dojo I saw coming in here?" When Akane nodded, a feral grin curled on her face. "Well, you wanna have a friendly match then?"

"I won't go easy on you," boasted Akane.

Akane led her by the hand as the two girls stormed out back, rushing past their fathers sitting down to some tea and shogi. Kasumi's scolding to not run in the house fell on deaf ears. The thrill of battle was calling, and for once, there was nothing at stake. No crazed Amazons, no deranged training, no dumb scuffles over lunch, and nothing to prove. Just two warriors getting acquainted in a way that couldn't be expressed in words.

Akane re-iterated her warning about not going easy on her. They squared off, both taking a southpaw stance. Ranma figured she'd humor her, because she didn't think she'd find a girl on her skill level. But when Akane came at her like thunder in a yellow gi, she had a vision of that purple-haired Amazon vowing vengeance.

The tomboy attacked swiftly, the first jab nearly connecting with Ranma's jaw. Ranma blocked the ensuing cross, snaking inside her guard. It was textbook, and Akane shifted her weight in anticipation of the counterattack. Ranma's punches came fast, but she batted them away with a fluid defense, setting up her own ripostes.

Ranma smirked as she bought a meter of separation with a quick sweep kick. She circled cautiously, guard up.

Akane mirrored the redhead's motions. "Goju Ryu karate. Efficient and direct; you studied in Okinawa?"

Ranma beamed. "I dabble. Nice use of Wing Chun for the simultaneous defense."

"It's good to have one's art appreciated. Anthing-Goes is about flexibility." Akane quickly calculated her next move. The redhead was faster, but not overwhelmingly. But Akane figured she had a decent advantage in mass and strength. How to use that?

Their circles spiraled inwards, until their knuckles on the on their right hands practically were touching. Ranma attacked first, springing into a furious series of kicks, constantly shifting weight, bouncing between each. Akane ducked and blocked, countering the aerial attacks with jabs from her right hand to disrupt the redhead's tempo.

Akane found her opening, dashing inside the arc of Ranma's attacks. She got a few sucker punches in while trying to grapple, but Ranma proved just spry enough to avoid clinching. And the redhead's own sucker punches hurt like the Dickens.

"Nice Tae Kwan Do," said Akane in between kicks of her own.

"Almost had me fooled, thought you were trying some Judo but surprised me with SAMBO." Ranma pressed her attack forward, pressing Akane back with right-hand jabs.

Akane gave ground to the flurry of kicks and punches, until she was almost back up against the dojo wall. "You're very good, probably better than me."

"Oh, what's with the smile then?"

"Cuz I'm not left-handed." Akane felt a bit cheap pulling the trump card so soon, but she wasn't going to let Ranma win. She switched her stance fluidly, gaining just enough of an edge to stop Ranma's advance in its tracks. And with a bit of luck, broke the redhead's defense just long enough to land a right cross to her chest.

Kicks were Ranma's strongsuit, and she used them to make up for the limits of reach. "Jeet Kune Do," Akane called out. She pressed closer, giving up her own reach advantage to play to physical strength. The elbow, knee, and shin strikes were brutal; combined with aggressive parries she wore down Ranma's defense.

"Ah, Muay Thai then. Though I suppose you should know something, 'Kane."

Akane blocked the roundhouse kick. "Lemme, guess, you're not left-handed either."

"Bingo."

Now that Ranma was playing to her strengths, fortunes reversed again. And Akane had to admit that even at her best, Ranma was still better than her. Now on the ropes, she signaled her surrender before this friendly match left her too bruised.

Ranma kept her gloating good-natured. Even heaping a bit of praise on her. "You really are quite good. I had to go all out to beat you."

"You'll just have to teach me some of those moves. I've been working hard but it feels like I've been making no progress in forever. Still, it's nice to not be beaten by a boy."

Ranma fidgeted, her lips screwing up. "Uh well, you see…"

Oblivious, Akane kept venting, "All the guys around here act like they've got something to prove when I beat them now. I can't afford to lose to them anymore thanks to that jerk."

"Oh?"

"Ah, don't worry about it. I'm in a good mood, and I don't wanna ruin it."

The two returned from the dojo tired, sweaty and a little bruised up, but otherwise glowing. Nabiki met them near the kitchen. "Looks like it was good for both of you," she quipped.

"Cut it out, sis."

"I'm just teasing. Kasumi says dinner is still a while out, so you should have time to clean up."

Ranma tried to turn her down, but Akane was adamant that the guest takes a bath first. The redheaded girl shrugged, and scooped up her pack. As she walked away, Akane's gaze lingered on the girl's shapely legs. The tomboy let out a heavy sigh, and hoped she didn't fall head over heels for her new friend. It will be hard enough to explain that I'm a lesbian to her without falling for her.

Akane slumped down in the family room, and began playing on her phone. She sent an email to Yuka about meeting her new friend, and hoped she wasn't gushing too much. The reply came all too quickly: "Wow, you've really got it bad, don't you."

"Maybe I do..." she said aloud.

"Maybe you do what?" said Kasumi. The oldest Tendo girl slipped by, arms filled with plates and utensils.

"Oh nothing sis."

"Well you better go hop in the bath with Ranma if you want to be done in time for dinner."

Akane wondered if Nabiki had planned this. She'd long suspected that Nabiki knew about her orientation, and this had enabled her to put off opening up about it indefinitely. So Nabiki would make veiled comments, and Akane would try to ignore them. But now it seemed like Nabiki decided she'd be a woman of action, and push things forward.

"Alright, alright." She stirred wearily, and trudged upstairs. After grabbing her essentials and one of her cuter outfits, her heart began pounding. A part of her felt perverted for sharing a bath with another girl, another all too excited.

She entered the furo without knocking. The redhead had perched herself on the stool, scrubbing her arms pensively.

"Penny for your thoughts," tutted Akane.

Ranma startled. She looked at Akane like a mouse in a trap, jaw flapping wordlessly. It was perfectly innocent, two girls sharing a bath. But the way the redhead drank in the full-frontal view Akane was presenting made her heart flutter with hope. She allowed herself a little smile as she moved closer. Regardless of any interests, mutual or otherwise, she had no intention of being anything more than friendly right now. But the future might prove very interesting.

Perfectly innocently, Akane offered to scrub the girl's back for her. She timidly accepted, blushing as red as her hair. Akane knelt behind the girl, and lathered up a washcloth. "You know, you have such perfect skin, I'm kind of jealous."

Ranma was practically purring under her ministrations. "Well…yer not bad yourself, Akane."

"So tell me a bit more about yourself."

"Well, there's not much. Been travelling with my Pop for years, studyin' the Art. Didn't stay long anywhere, always struggling."

Ranma seemed to be straining, like she was holding something in. It only encouraged the tomboy to press for more information. "Sounds lonely. For what it's worth, I hope you guys stick around here. We've only just met, but it feels like I've known you forever."

"You know, crazy as it sounds, but I feel the same way."

"So…is there a boy in your life? Or maybe a girl?"

The redhead froze up. "Sorry, but I can't…"

Shoot, pushed too fast. "Just an innocent question, don't think too much of it."

Ranma peered over her shoulder. Akane could tell that she was trying very hard not to ogle…such mixed messages. "It's not that. Okay, this is going to sound bonkers, but have you ever heard of a place called Jusenkyo?"

"Those cursed springs in the Chinese countryside? Yeah, I've seen the Youtube vids. Pretty trippy—don't tell me, you fell in one?"

"I'm not…not what you think I am."

The gears spun in Akane's head. The water she'd been washing with was cold, which meant Ranma was currently under the curse. Most of the vids she'd seen had been of animals or people being turned into other animals by the springs. She dreaded the next question: "What spring did you fall in?"

"They called it the Spring of the Drowned Girl. When I get splashed with hot water, I turn back into a boy."

It wasn't so much that Akane couldn't believe it. She just plain didn't want to. The weight of abject disappointment was powerful enough to suppress the terror and rage at sharing a bath with a boy. On autopilot, she picked the redhead up, and carried her bridal style over to the tub. The girl kicked and screamed. Akane unceremoniously dropped her into the tub. The wave of hot water splashed over her. She had to see for herself.

A taller black-haired boy emerged from beneath the water, hacking and coughing. He looked up at her, half-afraid she'd just drown him in the tub. But she couldn't summon the necessary rage. She just felt utterly defeated. She slumped down next to the tub, shooting a thousand-yard stare at the tiled wall. "Figures…I finally meet another girl who's into girls, and she turns out to be a boy."

"Well, it's not like I planned on it," said Ranma, knocking the water from his ears. "I was trying to tell you, I really was. It's just…hard ya know."

"I still really want to punch you right now."

"I'd really rather you didn't."

"I'm not going to. I'm too disappointed to be angry."

"Yer not into men, are ya?"

"No. And I've never had much use for them as friends. At least not lately. They've all been such creeps here, thinking that I'm some wild horse that they can tame."

"Who said anything about taming me—oh, you meant a pony and not me."

A little tickle of laughter came over Akane. "Sorry, pun wasn't intentional. And honestly, I think you're the first boy that just accepted me for what I was."

"Well yeah, you're fun to be around, and you're pretty good at fighting too. With some work, you could be truly great. Like me."

"Well you're a bit full of yourself."

"Maybe. Doesn't mean I'm wrong."

"Okay then, we'll still be friends. Just…your girl body. Don't think because you can turn into a girl you can get in my pants, capiche?"

"Roger that."

A thunder of footfalls approached. "Look, I don't have time to explain," Nabiki shouted as she stomped into the bathroom, "but you really shouldn't be sharing a—oh, okay looks like you've already found out."

Akane nodded.

"And he's not dead yet."

"No, he fessed up pretty quick after I started prying about whether she—er—he liked girls or not."

Nabiki glared at him.

"Hey, I was a perfect gentleman."

The teens soon found themselves sat down to dinner. Ranma sat next to his father, withdrawn and sheepish. He hadn't spoken a word to Akane since. It was hard to get her out of his head though. In his life on the road, he'd never had much time to get to know any girls, and the few short weeks since he'd fallen in Nyannichuan had been too surreal to even dwell get acquainted with the concept of femininity.

Ranma's gaze would slowly be drawn to Akane. Each time the thought of seeing her naked would bubble up, his cheeks would redden, and he'd try to dismiss the thought. He'd never imagined girls could be so athletic.

Soun cleared his throat. "Well, now that everyone's gotten acquainted, and we're all sitting down to a lovely home-cooked meal courtesy of Kasumi—"

"Oh thank you, father," said Kasumi.

'—You're quite welcome, dear. Anyway, as I was saying: Genma is a dear friend of mine from way back. We were brothers in arms, training under the same Master."

Genma shuddered. It wasn't the first time Ranma had seem his father visibly disturbed at the mention of his former teacher. The portly man pressed his glasses further up the bridge of his nose. "Indeed, and we always thought that one day we would unite our schools."

"Like a merger?" Nabiki asked.

Genma coughed. "Well…of sorts. More like through inheritance."

Ranma slurped his tea. "Still not picking up what you're putting down, Pops."

Soun pulled a crumpled pack of cigarettes from his pocket. "Well, Ranma my boy, I've got three lovely daughters. You're a strapping young man. Your father and I agreed that when you were old enough, you'd be betrothed to one of my daughters."

Ranma glanced over at the three Tendo daughters. This must've been the first time they heard of this crazy scheme, because even the normally reserved Kasumi was glaring at her father. "Yer pullin my leg," he laughed it off.

Akane shot to her feet. Her face was tinged with crimson, her fists clenched. "I'm not marrying a boy."

"Well this one is half-girl," said Nabiki, pointing her chopsticks at Ranma.

Ranma batted her chopsticks away. "I don't even know them."

His father pulled him into a headlock. "Come on, you don't know what's good for ya. 'Sides, you used to play with Akane all the time when you were very little. Before I started trainin' ya seriously."

Ranma struggled against Genma's bear grip. His Old Man always had the edge in grappling, and never seemed keen on letting Ranma close that gap, especially now that the boy was verging on eclipsing him in striking arts.

"Well it needn't be Akane," Soun said, lighting his unfiltered cigarette. Jets of smoke puffed from his nose. "There's always Kasumi; she's nineteen. Or Nabiki, she's seventeen."

Kasumi clutched her apron. "But he's so young, father."

Nabiki smirked at him. "Sorry, he's not my type."

Soun shrugged, as though the die had already been cast. "Well Akane-dearest, you're a martial artist and so is he. You have a lot in common, and from what I hear from Nabiki you've already gotten along famously."

Akane looked at him like a mouse caught in a trap. The faint tears in her eyes reminded him of a certain little boy being wrapped in fish sausage to be thrown to hungry cats. "You just. Don't. Understand," she said, spinning on her heel. She stormed out of the room, muttering incoherently under her breath.

"Well don't just sit there, boy, go after her," said Genma.

He really didn't need to be told to go after her. He and Akane had gotten along so well, it hurt to see her in distress. Because they really had known each other forever. He sprung to his feet, and started after her. But Nabiki elected to leave the room at the same time, and bumped into him in the door frame. Her water glass spilled, and suddenly Ranma was shorter than her. "Oops, clumsy me," she giggled.

Ranma emitted a feline growl, uncanny enough to get her heart racing. After shooting Nabiki a death glare, she trudged upstairs, wringing the excess water out of her pigtail. The vertigo and feeling of wrongness passed by the time she reached the second floor. If she was honest with herself, the change itself was always far worse than having a woman's body, and something about that scared her.

Akane was not hard to find. Ranma followed the sound of the other girl's muttering, finding her slouched over on the edge of a western style bed, working out her frustration with a hefty dumbbell. Her form was a little sloppy, but Ranma figured right now she wasn't caring too much about that. Rather than gawk silently at Akane's pumping bicep, the redhead knocked on the doorframe.

"Oh, it's you," Akane said flatly.

"I just wanted to make sure you were doing okay."

"Weren't you a boy like a minute ago?"

"You can thank you sister for that, the one with the helmet haircut. She can put on that innocent 'oops' but I'm pretty sure she did it on purpose."

"Nabiki? Yeah, sounds like her. She's been trying to play matchmaker for me, if only because she likes to watch me squirm. Guess she doesn't give up easily."

Ranma twiddled her thumbs. "I'm sure she means well."

"Well, you gonna come in, or just stand in the door all day?"

"Ah, sure." Ranma took that first step with trepidation. Something half-remembered told her that being invited into a girl's room was important. "Should I close the door or anything?"

"Don't bother. Slammed it too many times, now it won't latch."

Ranma wiggled her toes in the decidedly retro shag carpeting. The room looked kind of like she'd imagined a girl's room would look like. Only in this case, there was something a little bit too doctrinaire, like it had arrived in a box from IKEA. Everything felt almost forced, except for the various martial arts implements tucked here and there. Those were all well-worn with use.

Ranma plopped onto the bed next to Akane, careful to leave a respectful distance. Girl-body or not, she was still raised as a boy, and this was The Way of Things. "So you're like my long lost childhood friend then."

Akane rolled her eyes. "Maybe. Or our fathers might be trying to gaslight us with some contrived backstory to make their stupid engagement plot succeed more smoothly."

"Gaslight? Whazzat?"

"That's when you try to mess with people's memories, make them doubt themselves."

"Oh. Sounds exactly like something my Old Man would do."

"Then they deserve each other, old coots. If they want to unite the schools so badly, why don't they just marry each other!"

Ranma imagined his father in a white wedding dress, standing bashfully at the altar during a Western style wedding. A deep belly laugh broke out, and she found herself laying back on Akane's bed, blinking the tears from her eyes.

Akane started giggling too. She flopped down beside Ranma, laughing heartily now. "Now I'm imagining daddy in a wedding dress," she said breathlessly.

"Me too!"

When the laughter died, Akane turned over, propping her head up with her fist. "Ranma, I'm sorry we got off to a rough start. Childhood friend or not, I like you. And I've never seen anyone fight like you. The way you move is incredible."

Ranma gazed into her dark brown eyes, and suddenly the moment felt uncomfortably intimate. "I like you too…. not in a fiancé sort of way or anything but I totally wanna be friends. You seem very passionate about the art, and I really dig that."

"I don't know what we're going to do about our fathers. I'm not into men, and I never will be. It's nothing against you, but even if I were, I'm sixteen. I don't want to get married to anyone right now."

"Same. I don't wanna marry you…not that there's anything wrong with you or nothing, it's just that yeah, it's too soon. So what do we do?"

"Nothing right now I guess. I just got so frustrated earlier. All that talk about 'not knowing what' good for me'—what bullshit. I'm just afraid they're going to try to force it."

"Believe me, Pop can't get me to do nothing I don't want to do. That's why he waited until after I'd already liked it here before springing this marriage malarkey on me."

"Then I guess we're partners in the fight against our idiot parents." The tomboy's eyes flitted back and forth as she swallowed nervously, her lips perched on the edge of speaking. "Uh…so you're cool with me being a lesbian?"

"Why wouldn't I be?"

"You're not being coy, right? You really don't know why?"

"I may have been raised by wolves…or pandas as it were, but I do know what being gay is. Never saw the use in worrying 'bout telling people how to live their lives. And being in this form don't change who I find attractive, so I'd have to be pretty stupid to think a girl having the hots for another girl was wrong."

The way Ranma smiled so earnestly at her made Akane's heart flutter. Finally, there was someone she knew wouldn't judge her about being true to herself. It was liberating. "Just as long as you don't go trying to put the moves on me cuz' you turn into a girl," she half-joked, not sure if it would have been so bad. After all, his girl mode was stunningly beautiful. She tried to not think too much about it.

"No way, I'd rather do those sorts of things as a dude. Er…not that I think too much about it, ya know."

Akane chuckled. "Perv!" she mock accused.

"Oh yeah? What's that make you, putting the moves on me in the bath?"

"I'll have you know I only had honest intentions. But I was getting some dyke vibes from you and I wanted to know for sure. I guess I was half-right."

"I've never really known any girls," Ranma suddenly confessed, "Spent too much time on the road, or training with old men 'round the world. When I did go to school I didn't have much time for friends."

"Well, you know one now. I'll teach you what makes girls tick, if you teach me how to fight like that."

"Deal! How does that old movie quote go, 'you can be my wingman anytime'?"

"Bullshit!" Akane quoted, doing her best fighter jock impression. "You can be mine."

"You've seen it too!"

"I'm surprised you've seen it, being raised by a panda."

"It was one of Pop's favorites. Said it was like martial arts, only with planes."

"It was the most homoerotic movie I've ever seen. The romance plot is so painfully shoe-horned in, which is why I left it out in my genderflipped doujin version."

"One: don't ruin Top Gun for me. Two: you complete nerd!"

Ranma and Akane had spent the rest of the evening talking about movies, martial arts, and cute girls. Usually, the conversation involved Akane gushing about something, Ranma confessing she'd never seen it, and then Akane bemoaning what a horrific crime the pigtailed martial artist had endured being raised by Genma. By the end of the night, they'd compiled a long list of 'must see' movies, shows, and comics.

Nabiki had been watching as the then-red-haired girl left Akane's room just after 11 o'clock. And eavesdropping, Ranma supposed. Something about that smirk on her face said she was in a self-congratulatory mood. Ranma got the sense that however much Nabiki bothered 'helping' people, it was always on her terms, and she didn't seem to have much respect for other people's boundaries. Being a boy hadn't stopped Nabiki from continue trying to set Akane up with him. Akane had implied that Nabiki's 'help' was unasked and unwanted.

After changing back into a boy, and completing his evening constitutional, Ranma found his way to the guest bedroom. Pop was already snoring loudly on his futon. The whole room smelled faintly of sake. Shaking his head, Ranma laid down on the futon that Kasumi had left for him. He was out like a light as soon as his head hit the pillow.

He awoke the next morning antsy from half-remembered dreams about pursuing Amazons. After amusing the Tendos with his and Genma's usual morning 'training' antics, he learned that he'd been enrolled at the same school as Akane and Nabiki.

After doing his usual token resistance to the idea, he acquiesced. In truth, he was rather excited at the prospect of going to school like a normal boy, especially with Akane. Of course, as he would soon find out, 'normality' is at best a polite suggestion in the Furinkan neighborhood of the Nerima ward.

He let Akane lead the way, though not without showing off a little. As they walked along a tranquil canal, Ranma decided that walkways were a polite suggestion also, and balanced on the top of the chain-link safety fence.

"Show off," said Akane, shaking her head.

"It's good balance practice," he said in mock indignation. "But yes, right now I'm doing it to show off."

Something about the evil grin on Akane's face gave him the chills. She innocently pawed at a pebble, flipping it up into her hand. After making a show of feigning interest in the stone, she flicked it at him. Ranma cartwheeled to dodge.

"Nyan, you missed me!" he said, blowing the raspberry.

"Tempting fate, huh?" Akane rattled the fence playfully. "Show off all you want, your dad already told us how you got your curse."

"Oy, you try balancing on a pole while trying to fight."

"Like I said, tempting fate."

"So what's Furinkan High like?"

A shudder rippled over Akane.

"Err, forget I asked." Ranma continued his trapeze along the canal fence. Akane seemed to have shrunk into her uniform as she stared down at the concrete path. He wondered what could make this lively, boisterous girl feel so small. As he turned back to the path before him, an ominous feeling crashed down on him, like smelling a storm on the wind. Images flashed in his mind's eye: a phoenix, an ancient wooden pail, a little black-haired doll. His breath hitched as overpowering half-remembered nostalgia washed over him. And he lost his footing.

Whatever feeling had come over him was gone by the time he, now she, emerged gasping for air from the frigid canal.

Akane was pressed against the chain-link fence, face contorted in a mixture of fear and relief. The tomboy sighed with relief, and tried to laugh it off. "Like I said, tempting fate, you dummy."

"It was a fluke, I swear!" cried Ranma. She climbed up the steep embankment, unhurt save her pride.

"You wanna head back home so you change."

"My clothes or my body?"

"Well you are much cuter this way. Though you should really consider wearing a bra as a girl…cuz it's a tit bit nippily out."

"Wha?" And then as the next gust blew by, Ranma instantly understood. Because now she felt like two pop-up thermometers were poking out of her chest. Her teeth rattled from chill and embarrassment.

Akane glanced at her phone clock. "I don't think we have time anyway. We could stop by this place on the way for some hot water though."

"Err, they'll find out about my curse eventually. Might as well avoid another soaking."

"Suit yourself." Akane pulled a yellow towel from her gym bag, and tossed at Ranma. "Don't worry, it's clean."

"Thanks." Ranma was no stranger to being cold and wet, but that didn't mean she enjoyed it. Worse, ever since she'd acquired this curse, water had an uncanny ability to find its way to her. "Hey, you're smart right?"

"Well, I guess. Why?"

"Whadya call it when you get this feeling like you're remembering something that happened before, only you know it couldn't have?"

"That's called déjà vu. Why, you feeling it right now?"

"Nah, right before I fell off the fence. I had this funny feeling that I'd been here before, walking along that fence with you, antagonizing each other. Then I fell and the feeling left."

"Trippy."

"I know, right?"

The pair continued to Furinkan High without incident. At least until a mob of young men from various athletic clubs confronted them at the gate. Or more properly, confessed their undying love for Akane and asked her for a date.

Ranma was too taken aback to do anything but gawk as Akane charged headlong into the throng of boys. The crowd, clad in sport gear, attacked as a disorganized rabble. And when they weren't trampling each other, Akane carved them up like a cake. She was not gentle with them. One by one, the boys were tossed to the ground in broken heaps, as Akane's kicks and punches rained like meteors. Ranma almost felt sorry for them, but even amidst the brutality she could tell that Akane was using a surprising amount of restraint.

"What the hell?" Ranma thought out loud.

She heard Nabiki's voice right behind her say "Just Akane's normal morning ritual." She jumped two meters straight up in a moment of panic, and clambered on top of the gateway to the Furinkan High campus.

"How'd you sneak up behind me?" said Ranma, her heart pounding.

"Trade secrets, Ran-chan," Nabiki smirked. "Thanks to a certain someone, the boys here have gotten the strange idea that if they defeat Akane in combat, they'll date her. At first, it was just a few admirers, but as more people fell to the Maneater of Furinkan High, her legend grew and more wanted to have her."

"That's fucked up."

Akane had just finished dispatching the crowd. She grumbled as she dusted herself off.

A tall young man, with immaculately coifed brown hair stepped out onto the field. He balanced a bokken on his shoulder. "And speak of the devil," narrated Nabiki, "here's that certain someone. Kuno Takewaki, captain of the kendo club."

"Truly a boorish lot," Kuno proclaimed.

"Oh senpai," Akane said flatly, "Good morning."

"Now, Tendo Akane, might we have this dance?" Kuno said, readying his bokken.

"Just who does this joker think he is," Ranma scoffed. She leapt in between Kuno and Akane. "And this happens every morning? Jeesh, that's gotta get old."

The tip of Kuno's bokken was centimeters from Ranma's throat. "You there? Are you not being much too familiar with Akane?"

Ranma waved away Akane's insistence that she stay out of this. "Man, what are you on? I'm a friend of the Tendo family, and you're bothering my friend. Therefore," her expression narrowed, "You're bothering me."

"Who are you, insolent cur?"

"I'm—"

"Ah, but is it not customary to give one's own name first?"

"Uh"

"Fine! Then mine I shall give! I am Kuno Tatewaki, Junio. Class E. The rising star of high school kendo, currently undefeated. Warrior. Poet. Philosopher. Connoisseur of fine cheeses. But my peers call me…the Blue Thunder of Furinkan."

A chorus from the crowd of onlookers said: "Blue Thunder?" "News to me." "Tone it down a bit."

"And you, who seeks to challenge me for the heart of Tendo Akane? Who might you be?" said Kuno, waving his wooden sword.

"Uh, I'm Saotome Ranma. I'm a martial artist for fun, and I'm staying at the Tendo training hall."

"I chal—" the morning bell rang. "Never mind, all things in their proper time. Saotome-san, we shall continue our vendetta after school." Kuno spun on his heel and headed to class.

"Is he for real?" Ranma thought out loud.

"Unfortunately, yes," said Akane. She grabbed the redhead by the collar, pulling Ranma to face her. "I don't need you to fight my battles for me." She sighed, and a little bit of the sweetness returned. "But thank you... for making me feel like I'm not alone."

Nabiki seemed to teleport right behind her, because the moment Ranma turned to gather her things, Nabiki was already there, smiling cryptically. "You are going to give me a heart attack."

"Listen kiddo, I like you so I'm going to give you some free advice, something I don't make a habit of doing."

"Uh right…"

"Don't underestimate Kuno, for one. My sister beats him handily when they do fight, but that's because he's holding back."

"How do you know?"

"Any fool can calculate strength. It takes a certain skill to sniff out deception though, and it just so happens I'm good at both deception and sniffing it out."

"So he's a lovestruck fool then. Then why is he so dead set on fighting me?"

"It's because he views you as a romantic rival."

"That doesn't make any sense."

"Use your head for something other than a hat rack, Ran-chan. Free lesson in theory of mind, so pay attention cuz I'm not repeating it. You don't understand Kuno because you reflexively assume he wants the same things as you, has similar values. Thus, his actions don't make sense. But as stupid as Kuno is, he isn't dumb."

"That doesn't make any sense."

"Of course it does. Kuno is actually quite bright. He's just living in his own little world. Kuno thinks of himself as the hero of some period piece, a man born in the wrong century. He's also bi, and assumes that everyone else is too. More-over, he already knows on some level Akane's stated preference, but he thinks he can change that about her. You're familiar, even close with Akane. Ergo, you're his romantic rival."

"I guess that makes a little sense."

Nabiki ruffled her hair. "Aww, you can learn. Now get to class, loverboy."