Thank you to everybody who has been with me through this story. Also thank you to everybody who has read, added the story to your alerts, left kudos, and especially those that have left comments. You are all absolutely wonderful.

This is the final chapter of call mom home. Enjoy.

Call Six: Why the Hell Did You Not Call Me

Jim would like to say it was a 3:42am New Vulcan sunrise or the weight of his bed partner on top of him that woke him up, but no, it was the communicator lying beside his bed. If it wasn't for the type of list of people that would call him at 3:42am that he had, Jim would let the call go to voicemail. (Jim desperately wanted to let it go to voicemail anyway, but unfortunately the only people with the balls to call at this hour were not the kind you could ignore.) Chances were it was either Starfleet (who still couldn't quite comprehend the meaning of the term sabbatical) or his mom, as Arlene was ready to pop at any moment. So, despite being exhausted due to five days of strenuous assistance with a medical condition that Vulcans do not speak of and currently being cuddled by the Vulcan in question, Jim reluctantly answered his communicator.

"Hi, Jim speaking," only to instantly regret it.

"How the hell can you get married and not tell me?" Winona Kirk screamed at him.

Oh shit!

Of course, she knew. And of course she was screaming. Really, he shouldn't be surprised at all.

"Hi Mom," Jim said sitting up in bed now that Spock was lying beside him. Spock was looking at him with concern and self-consciously pulled up the sheet. Jim would think the maneuver was cute if he wasn't dealing with an obviously furious Winona. The last time he had a call like this was when a certain convertible managed to find its way into a certain ravine.

Now that Spock was well enough to start filling out the copious amounts of paperwork in response to their decision to bond, Jim knew that he would eventually have to call his mom and explain everything. He figured she'd be OK with it because she'd been the Vulcan's greatest cheerleader for the last four years. (And she really, really hated the lieutenant that Jim tried to date to get over Spock.) Obviously, he miscalculated.

"Oh, don't you dare 'Hi Mom', me. You got married without telling me. What the fuck were you thinking?"

God, he was in so much trouble.

"I was going to call you today." As soon as he figured out if Spock was in the mood for shower sex. Okay, so maybe they should have tried dating before this happened, but Pon Farr waits for no Vulcan. However, according to Spock's ex-girlfriend, it felt like they'd both been dating Spock for the last four years, so maybe there was no point in waiting any longer.

"Although obviously Jane beat me to it." And Jim is not sure whether he should be mad or send the woman a gigantic and expensive bottle of alcohol. It was a tossup.

"Even though Jane is no longer the Starfleet's spokesperson, she still has contacts and they let her know about being asked to put together a press package announcing Captain James Tiberius Kirk of Enterprise's recent marriage. Of course she told me before the press release."

Oh Shit. Jim mentally cursed Vulcan efficiency. Seriously, they'd just filled out the paperwork to register their bond the evening before. Starfleet shouldn't have been working on press packages – they shouldn't have even know yet. Maybe Nyota gave the press office a heads up? He knew she had friends there.

"Don't forget her Admiral husband," Jim reminded her. "So how much did she tell you?"

How screwed am I?

"Just that you're married. I don't even know if I have a son or a daughter in law. I would think I should at least have an idea if you were dating before I found out you secretly got married. The only person you've talked about in the last three months is Spock." Because outside of occasional lunches with Nyota, Spock has been his only real companion during his sabbatical a.k.a. Operation: Do not end up like Edison.

"Mostly because I'm surrounded by assholes who make stupid comments about my husband. I won't deal with people talking shit about him because he decided he'd rather be in Starfleet. He's done more for the Vulcan population than they will ever do, so they can just shut the fuck up." And maybe Jim should spend more time with his therapist because that came out a little angrier than he intended it to be.

"You married Spock?"

Wait, how did she get that from what he just… That's when Jim realized that he just referred to Spock as his husband. Oops.

"Yes," Jim replied sheepishly.

"Well, at least I don't have to yell at you for accidentally marrying someone when you're in love with someone else." Winona actually sounded relieved.

"You were envisioning a Risa quickie to some complete stranger that I picked up while completely drunk when Jane told you about the surprise wedding?" Jim asked his mom.

It annoyed him that she or anyone else would instantly think that. He was way past that level of stupidity. No, his new level of stupidity involved locking himself in a room with his fucked up on hormones best friend with a backpack full of lube, medical supplies, and ration bars to get them through the duration. But as of five minutes ago, he was sleeping peacefully next to his favorite Vulcan (who survived this weird Vulcan biological urge), so it was all good.

"Yes," Winona replied. "I already had a list of divorce attorneys ready to go."

Okay, that pissed Jim off a little bit which explained why Spock was now massaging his back. This feeling each other's emotions thing might actually be useful.

"That list will not be necessary," Spock said from beside him.

"Is that your husband?" Winona asked.

"Yes. He can hear you without speakerphone, because Vulcans can hear everything."

"Spock, you know I like you. I also know that you've probably had feelings for my son longer than you'd like to admit because you were with someone else. So, unlike the scenario I was envisioning, at least I know this isn't a loveless relationship triggered by alcohol and bad decision-making."

"You are correct," Spock replied.

"Wait, how long did you have feelings for me?" Jim asked turning to Spock. Jim knew that Spock cared about him a lot – he'd been in the Vulcan's mind multiple times over the last five days.

"I became aware of their existence when I watched you die," Spock responded. Jim didn't need to ask which death, because he just knew it was the warp core incident.

"And then you didn't do anything for four years?" Jim said with a pout.

"And this is why I'm concerned." Winona's words reminded him that he was on a call with his not that happy mom. "I know that you guys have had strong feelings for each other for the last four years and have been work spouses for a lot of that, but you two have gone from pining and in a relationship with someone else to married in three months. Jim didn't even tell me that you guys were dating. That's a big change without transition and that could lead to problems down the road."

"We weren't really dating unless you count late-night chess matches and the fact we're sharing an apartment on the colony."

"We also ate all meals together," Spock pointed out.

"Do we count that as dating? We kind of did that before," Jim said pointedly.

"Despite the fact you two now sound like an old married couple, how exactly do you go from subconsciously stealth dating – because you two were dating – to marriage?" Winona asked, still concerned and audibly confused.

'Biological necessity,' Jim thought to himself, but he wasn't going to tell his mom that, mostly because he wasn't allowed to tell his mom that. Pon Farr was a closely-guarded cultural secret and now that he was married to a Vulcan, it was his job to help preserve those cultural secrets.

"It just sort of happened," Jim answered instead.

"How do you just sort of end up married if you're not totally wasted on Risa? I mean it's not like you can get him pregnant."

Okay, that statement kind of pissed him off, again. This conversation hadn't been going well since the beginning. "Because even if he was part of the 'identify as male, but still has a uterus' Vulcan population, I'm shooting blanks. Thanks for reminding me Mom," Jim said bitterly. He had to remind himself that because of repopulation efforts, Spock would be donating his materials to the cause, which meant that parenthood would still be an option for the couple, just in a different way.

"Sorry. It's been three and a half years since I was on the Vulcan colony. I forgot half the stuff I learned about Vulcan biology…" That was when his mom went really, really quiet for a good three minutes. Jim almost wondered if there connection was lost or delayed.

"Pon Farr?" he heard his mom whisper, just before he was about to end the call, assuming that the transmission was disrupted.

"How do you even know about that?" he asked, truly shocked. He learned last week that Vulcans do not talk about it. Jim wouldn't even understand why Spock was locking himself in his bedroom if Nyota hadn't been brought into the secret years earlier when Spock was sure she would be the one he would be going through it with.

"Along with lots of other fun things, the destruction of Vulcan caused a lot of Vulcans to go into premature Pon Farr, probably to help with the repopulation. I had to work with a lot of people through their crisis," Winona explained.

Unfortunately, Jim could only think of one way she could help people through said crisis. "Please tell me you didn't function as a sexual surrogate? I don't feel like throwing up right now."

"Didn't happen," Winona reassured.

"Oh thank god, because that would just would be…" Jim shivered. "I don't want to think about you doing that."

"Being forced to have sex with somebody else to stay alive after losing your partner in a horrific act of genocide can be traumatizing. I helped people work through that trauma."

"Even for individuals who don't acknowledge that they can be traumatized."

"Exactly."

You were right mom. It was easier to be in love with somebody who was unavailable because I was too traumatized by everything I've gone through to let myself feel love, but I wasn't going to lose Spock again.

"Your hypothesis is correct. James did indeed help me through my time of biological need," Spock answered for him before he could come up with something to say that wasn't horribly needy.

"And yet you're now married to each other and neither of you obviously wants my divorce attorney list."

"Definitely not."

"That is unnecessary, Dr. Kirk," Spock said from beside him, with one arm now firmly wrapped against his bare torso.

"So how did you end up at the altar? Because there are sexual surrogates on the colony and other provisions for this sort of thing. There's even medication you can take to prevent a bonding."

"Would you accept that I love him and he loves me?" Jim asked, and then placed a kiss on Spock's lips.

"I would if you two hadn't spent four years avoiding your feelings for one another like the plague," Winona said bluntly.

"Contrary to popular belief, I'm not so much of a bastard that I would try to steal my friend's boyfriend. That's just kind of mean," Jim told his mom.

And technically he didn't take his friend's boyfriend. Nyota had reassured him that things had fallen apart because they had different goals. A temporary assignment on the colony was fine, but she never saw herself here, full-time and she knew eventually, Spock would want to go there and start a family. Jim kind of liked it there and was okay with this being their future retirement home. And because Jim was sterile, they were on Spock's biological clock when it came to having children. This meant chasing around children at 50 or 60 once Jim was way too old to be a Starfleet Captain, and Jim could deal with that.

Although at the same time, Jim wondered if he was a contributing factor. The birthday phone call was recovered by Nyota during her efforts to piece together the timeline of what happened to the Enterprise. She now knew the real reason why he almost left the Enterprise. She was now the only one who knew the truth outside of his mom. Nyota found out right about the time she ended things with Spock for good. Jim couldn't help but wonder if that knowledge influenced her decision, but he was too afraid to ask and he wasn't sure she would answer.

"But it worked out in the end," Winona said. "You can't plan life. Sometimes it just ends up where it does."

"I know," Jim agreed.

"So how did you get here?" Winona asked.

Vulcan biology was fucked up due to the extreme population loss and all Vulcan's were out of the normal seven year cycle. We all ignorantly assumed that due to his hybrid physiology Spock was unaffected. It turned out he was unaffected because he did not live around other Vulcans. However, being on the colony caused him to go into an early cycle and he was such a stupid bastard that he tried to deal with it alone. Even Nyota would've helped him if he asked, but he didn't. Jim was not having that, however. So he stepped up and by step up, he meant he broke into Spock's quarters with a backpack filled with first-aid supplies, sex supplies, and food to ride out Spock's fuck or die cycle, sometimes literally.

"I'm sure you remember Vulcans were going into Pon Farr off-cycle when you were here. That's what happened to Spock, and because I care about Spock I helped him through it."

"And yet you somehow ended up married, which wasn't necessary."

Why did he have to have the one human mom in the entire galaxy that knew more about this than she should?"

"We chose to bond because our minds are compatible and we are devoted to each other."

Spock placed a kiss on his neck as he spoke.

"Do you love each other?"

"Yes," they both answered emphatically, as Spock pulled his hands into a Vulcan style kiss. Jim was starting to like Vulcan kisses. They were discrete and could be done on the bridge as soon as he got his new ship.

"Do you plan to be with each other through good times and bad?" Winona asked.

"Yes," they again answered simultaneously.

"Do you make each other happy?"

"Yes," they both answered again, and Jim was just happy that Spock was willing to acknowledge feeling happiness. It probably helped that Spock was now kissing him breathless in the human tradition. He loved all the things this Vulcan could do with his tongue. Vulcan breath control was a wonderful thing.

"Then, congratulations and welcome to the family.

"Thank you," Spock responded.

If it wasn't for you keeping me from being a total idiot about Spock, we wouldn't be here right now, Jim thought happily.

"Although, you are having a real wedding."

Jim buried himself in Spock's chest. She couldn't let him be happy for a minute.

"Or you could marry your girlfriend instead," Jim pointed out, "if you're really desperate to plan another wedding." He wished things could've gone differently with Chris, but he was totally open to a new step mommy.

"We're just friends."

"I said that too about Spock, and now I'm naked in his bed, so that's a lie."

"I'm working on it, wish me luck." The comment came from a very familiar voice, who was obviously in the room with Winona for this call. Jim grinned, unsurprised.

"Is that our wonderful just a friend?" Jim needled.

"Go back to your honeymoon."

At that, Winona ended the call.

"It is inappropriate to mock your mother."

"I've been dealing with her telling me to tell you how I feel about you for the last four years, because you had a girlfriend who would totally kick my ass." And maybe I wasn't ready for you to reject me. "But hey, I did listen to her when she told me to take the sabbatical, which was good because you would have totally ended up with your ex." Or dead. Jim would like to believe that Nyota would have totally broken down the door herself. He knew she was a complete bad ass and would have kept Spock from his noble suicide.

"I am grateful that you heeded your mother's advice."

"So am I," Jim said as he pulled Spock on top of him for another kiss. Okay, it was more than just a kiss. You would have thought that after five days of medically required sexual activities, Jim would have been over this (and too sore to sit down), but he would never be over the way Spock made him feel with every caress and touch. He never wanted to be.

Winona really did give the best advice sometimes.

The end.

Again, thank you to everyone who has read this story over the last two weeks. I'm glad that you enjoyed it. It is always possible that I could revisit this universe again. I never say never. There's also artwork for this story that will be posted, hopefully at some point in the near future.

In the meantime, the sequel to Dear Spock and Dear James that you all have been waiting for, Dear Demora (and other Epitaphs from Enterprise), will debut with the first chapter next Saturday, October 7, 2017. I want to get at least five or six chapters banked before I start posting which I should have by next Saturday.