Tattoo

Set in the book universe after Backwards, a few years since Lister is not teenager in this story.

Rimmer stood over Lister wanting to know what he was doing. He'd been sitting at the table in the bunk room, scribbling away on a scrap piece of paper for hours with a look of concentrating that Rimmer had not seen in a long time. Paper filled with chicken scratch that didn't make any sense.

"What on Io are you doing exactly? You can't be writing; you'd need to know how to read to be able to write." Rimmer finally gave in, asking the question that had been bugging him all morning.

"Drawin," Lister replied not looking up from the page.

"What for, are you that bored? You do know that you should be manning the drive room at the moment, don't you?"

"Kryten's up there currently. I'm designing a tattoo."

Rimmer scrunched his nose up in disgust. He hated tattoos; they made people look so tacky. He was actually surprised that Lister wasn't covered in them, he seemed to be the right type. The only thing that had prevented him had probably been the cost since Lister didn't exactly have the money for tattoos or the means since they got trapped in deep space.

"And how exactly are you going to give yourself a tattoo? Going to get a scalpel and attack yourself then draw in the wound with ink?"

"I thought about it at one point. I couldn't cut myself with the blade more than little scratch and drawing onto my skin with the pen didn't really work. The derelict we searched two days ago, it has a fully functional tattoo parlour. I had Kryten confirm that the ink is safe. I have him sterilising the equipment now."

"The sanitation droid is going to give you a tattoo that you designed yourself which looks like a cowpat."

"I'm going to give myself the tattoo. Kryten would cry too much about having to hurt a human. I did go to art college." Lister brought up his very limited time at art school. Something he brought up whenever he could.

"I've never seen you do anything remotely artistic unless you count what you do with your toenails in my bunk as art. You didn't even last a full day at art college. Why do you want a tattoo now? I've never heard you suggesting you want one in all the years I've known you. You didn't even want the tattoo that you got while drunk."

Lister tried to forget about that particular tattoo; it just reminded him of when he was young, stupid and carefree. Of his lost friends Petersen, Chen, and Selby.

Lister's hands fluttered to his arms; he rubbed against them as he answered. "I just want to forget. I don't want a reminded every time I wear short sleeves of those two wasted years, every time I take a shower, every time I get dressed. Staring at me right in the face."

Rimmer looked at both arms; he knew what was on them despite being covered by Lister's leather jacket. U=BTL was on one arm, and DYING was on the other arm. It meant very different things to the both of them. For Lister, it was a reminder that he almost died in the immersive game Better Than Life after they got trapped for two years. For Rimmer and Kryten, it was a reminder that Lister and Cat were already dead when they finally succeeded in getting out of the game. Lister and Rimmer both coming from different universes that branched off the moment they got out the game. The Rimmer and Kryten of Lister's home universe were killed by a virus made by adenoids. In both universes, the words were scratched onto Lister's arms by Kryten before coming out of the game.

"What are you trying to draw?"

"Something meaningful. Something meaningful to all of us. It's why I wear long sleeves all the time, even when it's hot. Kryten looks guilty every time he sees my arms." Lister looked at the page before glancing up at Rimmer. "Why aren't you telling me this is stupid?"

"I don't think you are stupid for wanting to cover up the scars. I know that you don't like looking at them. It isn't stupid for once. Giving yourself a tattoo, on the other hand, is stupid."

"Who else am I going to get to give me a tattoo? The scutters? They'd end up drawing a John Wayne tribute. Cat would draw a tribute to himself if he can draw in the first place. Kryten wouldn't be able to do it without feeling guilty."

"I could do it." Rimmer offered.

Lister looked up in disbelief. "You who faints at the sight of blood."

"I don't mind when it's your blood. I only faint if it's my own blood or a lot of blood, as a hologram I don't bleed even if I do accidentally stab myself."

"Can you even draw?"

"Give me some time to practice. I have to look at your tattoo as well. I want it to look good. I'm going to have Kryten bring the gear onboard, so we don't need to stay in orbit until I am ready to do your tattoo. I'm looking forward to inflicting pain on you."

Lister watched the hologram leave the room, looking like he had a sense of purpose for the first time in months. He hadn't even agreed to let Rimmer do his tattoo.

- Red Dwarf -

It had been two months since the tattoo gear had been brought aboard the ship. Two months that Lister had been asking Rimmer when would be getting his tattoo. Rimmer would brush Lister off every single time. "Just be patient, Listy. You'll get your tattoo when I am ready and not before." Rimmer would tell him every single time he asked. He was starting to think that Rimmer had chickened out, but wasn't prepared to tell him yet.

It was understandable that Rimmer wouldn't be able to do it. He wasn't able to draw, not that Lister had ever seen. And the fainting when seeing blood. He got all twitchy when he was nervous. It was a horrible idea in the first place for Rimmer to even want to do a tattoo for him.

Lister looked up as Rimmer walked into the room. He was looking nervous, and Lister was expecting the, I don't know what to do the tattoo confession.

"I want you to come down and look at my work," Rimmer requested.

"What work?" Lister asked.

"Practicing the tattoo for you. I think I'm almost ready." Rimmer replied.

Lister eagerly stood up. Rimmer had refused to tell him where the tattoo parlour had been moved to on the ship. Lister had gone looking and had failed to find the place. Kryten had been guilted in to not telling, and Cat constantly called him stupid for not knowing the location.

Following Rimmer, he was surprised to find that it was on the same floor as the quarters in the science room. He thought Rimmer would be further away so hadn't searched their floor. No wonder why Cat said he was stupid for not finding the place.

Lister looked at the chair in the centre of the room and all the pictures hanging from the walls of various designs. They looked a lot nicer than the designs of the tattoo parlours he'd been in over the years. Usually with other people since he only had one previous tattoo, that was not done in a tattoo parlour.

"I've been practicing on pigs skin," Rimmer said. He opened up the small stasis draws pulling out the skins with drawings just like the ones on the walls. "It's why you've been having pork curry so often recently, so nothing goes to waste."

"You did all of this?" Lister pointed to the pictures. They seemed to be too elaborate for something from Rimmer. One of the pig skins had a colourful island that looked like Fiji before it was covered in water and the other in grey's and blacks was Bedford Falls a town from his favourite movie and the place he lived in Better Than Life.

"Yes, these are all Rimmer originals."

"You can draw since when?"

Rimmer shrugged. "I've always been good at drawing up maps and colouring them in. I just applied the same thing when I was practicing your tattoo. I even started with maps."

Rimmer pulled open another draw that was filled with maps on pigskins. Maps of Earth, Io, and other colonies. Star charts. These had a lot more bleeding to them and was easy to tell that they were some of Rimmer's first practice skins.

"I had no idea; I love these Rimmer. Do you think that you can paint some of these around the ship on a larger scale? I wouldn't mind being able to go on holidays to different rooms when the VR is down and pretend I'm really in those places."

"I've never tried painting before."

"You've also never tried tattoo's before this, and yet you seem to be a natural. You should've been the one to go to art college, and I probably should've gone to the tech school you attended."

"I still hate that you're better than me at engineering. I studied it my whole life and yet I can only do obvious fixes and need instruction for anything more."

"And I hate that you can play my guitar better than me and more artistic overall. I wanted to be an artist, a rock god. I wanted to design the albums for the songs I wrote"

"So you have an idea of a design you'd like."

Lister nodded, pulling out the crumpled piece of paper.

Rimmer studied the picture before looking nervous again. "Do you want to watch me?" He pulled out a piece of pig skin that didn't have anything drawn on it yet.

Lister nodded and watched as Rimmer first redrew his picture on paper, a lot neater than Lister's before drawing an outline onto the pigskin, and finally he started working on the outline, using the tattoo machine as if he had always been a tattoo artist. Lister found it ironic to watch a tattoo artist who didn't have any tattoos. Rimmer looked so peaceful as he worked. Lister, standing far enough away not to disturb Rimmer but close enough so he could see what he was doing.

"What do you think?" Rimmer asked hours later.

"You've done an amazing job with my scribbles, but after seeing what you can do on your own, I now want a Rimmer original."

"Give me a couple of days; I'll do a redesign and see if you like it."

Lister grinned, he couldn't wait to see what Rimmer came up with.

- Red Dwarf -

Rimmer shoved a piece of paper in Lister's face the moment he was conscious. He suspected this wasn't the first time that morning Rimmer had shoved a piece of paper in his face judging by the look on his face.

"Wha?" Lister mumbled, trying to pull himself into a sitting position.

"The redesign, what do you think?" the hologram asked while bouncing on his feet, nervously.

Lister took the piece of paper. He found it hard to believe that Rimmer was able to change his design into something he loved even more.

"I want this, can we start now?" Lister asked, without taking his eyes off the tattoo, feeling like he was still asleep. He had to be to dream up Rimmer drawing something as amazing as he did.

"After you've finished breakfast and had a shower," Rimmer said, already making his way out the door to prepare.

Lister shovelled his food into his mouth and raced to the shower. He knew that he wouldn't be able to argue and it was just quicker to do what Rimmer asked.

- Red Dwarf -

Sitting in the chair, both men were nervous. Rimmer ended up cleaning his arm several times. Lister rolled his eyes, the hologram was such a clean freak. It was hard to believe he was raised in a household with only one woman and attended an all boys school. Looking at him you would think he was raised in a house of woman from his mannerisms.

After Rimmer was satisfied the arm was clean, he got to work drawing the line work onto Lister's arm, over the ugly scar. He was quicker with the drawing than what he'd been with the cleaning.

After examining the work, Rimmer asked. "This is your last chance to pull out and suggest any changes."

"I'm not going to pull out, and this looks even better on my arm than on paper. Go ahead."

It really was like Rimmer had been doing this all his life and was an expert tattoo artist instead of this being the first person he was giving a tattoo too. Lister sat in silence, not saying a word, fascinated by Rimmer's concentration and delicate work.

- Red Dwarf -

Lister found himself starting to feel dizzy. Looking at the time he found that he'd been in the seat for hours. At some point, Rimmer had stopped blinking and breathing while he was working. He didn't need to do either thing and despite being a hologram for many years it was only when he was concentrating on something that took all his attention that he stopped blinking and breathing.

"Rimmer," Lister said, hoping that he wasn't going to startle his friend. He didn't want to have any of the new tattoos destroyed after hours of work.

Rimmer stopped, looking at Lister, blinking a few times.

"Can we stop for a break?" Lister asked.

"Of course." Rimmer glanced over at the clock. "I'm sorry, I didn't realise so much time had passed. I intended to stop two hours ago. Are you alright, you're looking a bit pale."

"I'm fine, I just need something to drink."

"Stay there." Rimmer left to get him some water. Lister looked at the work, his arm was red and inflamed but was turning out nicely and covering a significant portion of his scaring. He wanted to touch the tattoo but suspected Rimmer would yell at him if he did. He swore that Rimmer had eyes in the back of his head, or at the very least had interfaced the camera system with the holographic system.

Rimmer returned with a snack and some water. Lister consuming both. Rimmer examined Lister's arm and checked the clock.

"I think that is enough for today," Rimmer said, looking at the tattoo again. Rimmer then cleaned the tattoo and then bandaged it up. "I'll need to look up when I can continue working on your tattoo, if I can do more tomorrow or if I should wait for it to heal before doing more."

Lister then sat through a half hour lecture on keeping his tattoo clean before he was allowed to leave the science room.

- Red Dwarf -

It took three weeks to finish the tattoo. Rimmer had insisted he would only work on Lister's arm once a week to give it time to heal before starting more instead of doing it every day. With the swelling now down and no longer having to keep the tattoo covered, Lister was wearing a t-shirt for the first time in years.

"What about your other arm?" Rimmer asked as he looked at the scared U=BTL.

Lister glanced at the ugly letters. "I'm going to keep this one as a reminder." He said after several moments. "When I saw my older self in the future echoes, he had this scar on his arm still. The only one that was an issue was the word dying."

"Do you like it still?" Rimmer asked about the tattoo. "Because of the ink used, it can easily be removed and changed if you do change your mind."

"I love it. I'm still surprised at how good you did the tattoo, I wish that you did my last tattoo."

"I have no desire to go anywhere near that part of your body."

"Are you sure? Lister teased. "I really want to get rid of the tattoo declaring my love for Petersen, and it doesn't have the fancy ink that is easy to remove. It either has to be covered or lasered off and having a laser so near to my privates is not appealing in the slightest. It used to be so embarrassing to explain to woman how I got it and that Petersen was my best mate, well at the time. Never thought I would say it, but you've been my best mate for years. When I was living in the backwards universe I was hoping that the tattoo and the scars would disappear, but they remained behind."

Rimmer looked stunned at being called Lister's best mate.

"Only because I'm the person you're stuck with."

"Because you learnt how to become a tattoo artist for me. Because of you I am able to to cover up the ugly scar that I have hated for years. Not to mention everything else you have done for me, after I came out of stasis, and I know that some of the things were not you-you, but our timelines were the same until Better Than Life, and I wish the timeline didn't ever split. I wish that your original Lister and Cat were still alive and that my original Rimmer and Kryten were still alive. But I also wouldn't change the last few years for anything."

"I consider you more than a best mate, I consider you family and don't ever tell anyone I said that because I will deny it."

"Sure thing, Rimmer."

Rimmer jumped when the door to their room opened, hoping that he hadn't been heard.

"Sir's, breakfast is ready," Kryten announced as he walked through the door. He stopped for a moment before noticing the t-shirt. He was about to go into guilt mode before he saw the completed tattoo. Somehow Lister had been able to keep it from the mechanoid that Rimmer had started and finished the tattoo.

"Oh sir, that looks wonderful." Kryten announced. Examining the tattoo for himself. "It has even healed up nicely and no signs of infection or scarring."

Lister grinned, not even the original scar could be seen unless you looked closely.

"Rimmer did a great job. So great in fact that we're going to start painting the ship next around maintenance."

Rimmer beamed, knowing that he'd done something right for a change. Sure painting the ship in other colours was against the Space Corps regulations, but so was giving a crew member a tattoo.

Authors Note: I was stumped for a while of what Lister's tattoo should be in the second draft, originally I set this after series 10, and had the first draft finished before series 11 was announced. The tattoo in the first draft was dedicated to Jim and Bexley. I ended up changing it to fit the books after a road trip last year when I listened to Infinity Welcomes Careful drivers and Better Than Life for the second time and felt that the story fit better following the books storyline and decided to leave the tattoo design up to the reader imagination since the design itself was not that important to the story that I ended up telling.