A/N: An important author's note for multiple reasons. First, to explain the purpose of this OC Merlin story. This is a non-romantic, OC oriented story to help people who are struggling with seeing the goodness in life. It starts out quite dark (Trigger warnings at the end of the A/N), but every chapter from here on out, starting with number 2, will be our Merlin characters helping this young woman realize that life is worth living.

I started writing this as a personal story I wasn't going to publish, but then decided I would publish it during NAMI's week in October. HOWEVER, about an hour ago the news broke that Chester Bennington of Linkin Park died by suicide, and I decided there really isn't a better time than the present to post this story.

Each chapter is going to be short, probably around 500 words, and I would ask that in the reviews, or in PMs, you let me know what keeps you knowing that LIFE IS GOOD. I'll incorporate as many as I can into this fic.

Trigger Warnings for the first chapter: Attempted Suicide, Mentions and Reference to Self-Harm, Plenty of Self-Hatred.

LIFE IS GOOD

By Silmarilz1701

Dedicated to Chester Bennington and Everyone Suffering from Mental Illness

Who cares if one more light goes out?

In a sky of a million stars

It flickers, flickers

Who cares when someone's time runs out?

If a moment is all we are

Who cares if one more light goes out?

Well I do.

- One More Light, Chester Bennington + Linkin Park

Prologue: End the Battle

She was not a good person. That much she knew. All her life she had tried her hardest to be good. All her life she had failed. She had fooled a lot of people into believing her goodness, even herself occasionally. But as she grew older, and her fierce tongue caused her to lose friends and family, she realized that all her efforts were for nothing.

So one day she set out from her home with a simple mission. She intended to end her life before anyone else got hurt because of her. With only a knife in her small satchel and a simple ragged brown cloak over a blue cloth dress, Eve picked up her walking stick and set out into the forests of Camelot.

She had thought about bringing rope for a noose, but her knot tying skills remained lacking. But it really didn't matter to her, she could do as much damage with a knife as she could've with anything else.

She reached a small clearing a few hours later. Sitting down on the soft grass, she ran her fingers over the emerald blades wistfully. Soon, she supposed, her body would become a part of the clearing. She could look forward to that.

For a moment, Eve thought she heard laughing. She drew her knife immediately and made the first, deep incision. Across one wrist, and then the other. Blood began to flow from her body as she lay down. Within a minute, the laughter came closer.

A voice rose above the others. "We'll stop here tonight. It's a good spot for-"

"Is that a girl?"

"She isn't moving!"

The rushing of feet was heard and soon Eve, struggling to keep eyes open, saw six men standing or kneeling around her.

"Oh my God, she's bleeding all over the place," one of dark complexion shouted.

Eve shook her head, tears staining her face. She choked out a simple, tiny plea. "Let me die. Please."

The men stopped what they were doing for a split second. The one with raven hair, not wearing chainmail, shook his head.

"She's clearly delusional. Percival, get me the medicine bag! Everyone else, step back."

"No," Eve slurred. "Le'me die."

Merlin began wrapping her wounds tightly as she passed out. He spoke a spell while the others watched worriedly. "That should halt the bleeding. I hope we were in time…"

"Stay with her. We'll make the camp,"

Merlin looked at Arthur like he was crazy. "You don't know how to make camp…"

"We may not have magic, Merlin, but we can do basic tasks," the king bit back.

All the men were on edge from finding the girl. Who had done this to her? Who had left her to die?

As they sat around the campfire, Merlin serving them all dinner, the girl lay nearby. She didn't stir until long into the night. Merlin, Gwaine, and Leon sat up on guard. A small whimper from where the girl lay alerted them all to her awakening. All three stood and walked over to her. Merlin took his knife and cut her sleeves so he could look at her arms for more damage. What they saw shocked them.

"Who did this to her," Gwaine growled ferociously, hands clenched in anger.

A lattice of scars covered her pale skin. Some old, some newer, all from blades, Merlin ran his hand down her arm carefully. Her eyes slowly opened, and she blinked back in the firelight. She sat up slowly, weakly.

"Hi there," Merlin smiled. "I'm Merlin. What's your name?"

"You couldn't let me die, could you?" She bared her teeth like an animal and stood as they did so. "I told you to let me die!"

"Why would you want to die?" Leon asked quietly. "Who hurt you?"

When she didn't respond, instead downcasting her eyes as the rest of the company woke, Gwaine stepped closer to her. He took her arm and glanced in shock from the scars to her eyes.

"You did, didn't you." He murmured quietly. "You did this to yourself."

The girl burst into tears but tried to break free. When Gwaine held fast, she began to fight him, punching his chest with her free hand in an effort to get away. But he held fast, grabbing her other arm to steady her. Eventually, as they all watched in varying degrees of surprise and horror, she stopped and fell to her knees in sobs. Gwaine held onto her still, dropping to his knees with her.

"It's alright," he murmured slowly. "You're safe now. We won't let you hurt yourself."

Merlin dropped beside her and checked that she hadn't reopened the precarious healing spell he had done. Satisfied she remained safe, he watched as Gwaine held onto her, grasping both arms gently yet firmly as she cried.

Merlin walked over to the others. He murmured quietly. "She tried to kill herself."

"Why would she do that?" Arthur murmured, demanding an answer from no one in particular. "Why would anyone do that."

The question hung unanswered in the air. The girl had quieted down but still cried, struggling to breathe between coughs.

Gwaine nodded. "Now, what's your name?"

"Eve," she whispered.

"Pretty name." Merlin smiled at her and sat down beside her in the firelight. "Where are you from."

"I'm not going back," she quickly insisted before bursting into more tears. "I can't go back."

The others exchanged glances. Percival knelt down next to her and took her left hand. Gwaine still held onto her right. She gripped them for dear life, as though if she let go, she would fall away forever.

"You don't have to go back," Percival assured her.

"Were you been harmed there?" Arthur asked slowly, sitting down across from them with Leon and Elyan.

She let out a short, humorless laugh. "No. No I wasn't."

"Then why?" Leon asked quietly. "Why do this?"

She shrunk in on herself, beginning to retract her hands from the two knights beside her, but when they wouldn't let go she relented. The physical contact was helping her.

"I… I am not a good person." She murmured barely above a whisper. "I do not deserve to live."

Gwaine and Percival and Merlin, the only ones who heard her, had looks of pity and confusion on their faces.

"I'm sure you are a lovely person," Gwaine insisted, shaking his head.

"I have an anger inside me which lashes out," she explained. "I hurt people, people I care about. Now I have no one."

"You have us, right now," Elyan replied quickly and without hesitation. "And you aren't hurting us."

She sobbed again. "Give it time. It always happens."

They exchanged quick glances. They looked to the king. Arthur spoke up moments later.

"I want you all to get some rest. Tomorrow we continue our patrol. Eve, you will come with us back to Camelot." He gave a small smile.

She looked unsure but nodded. Leon and Elyan took the watch, but Eve hesitated. She didn't want to let go of the knights. She feared they would all disappear. Gwaine looked at Percival and gave a shrug and a smile.

"Eve, you'll stay warmer if you're near one of us," he mentioned offhandedly.

She looked at him gratefully. Lying down near Gwaine's bedroll, he let her hold his hand as they slept. Leon shook his head several hours later. He turned quietly to Elyan.

"She's clinging to Gwaine for dear life." He shook his head.

Elyan nodded, whispering in return. "I have never seen someone so broken."

"I have a few times. But only in those who have seen the horrors of war," Leon quietly replied.

Elyan frowned. "Perhaps the war is in her mind."

The war was in her mind. And they decided it time some soldiers stepped up to help her keep marching on. They wanted to show her something in particular.

They would show her that life… life is beautiful.